PDA

View Full Version : Human Interactions


Rayden
02-17-2008, 01:10 AM
A mixture between shyness and sheer pride have kept me from interacting with people as much as I'd like to. When I initially meet someone, I usually have trouble finding the right words to say, or any words for that matter. But I've noticed a pattern.

The people I feel the most comfortable around are those who I had been forced to be around. The initial meeting is awkward as usual, but because I was forced to be around them (ie church, soccer team, work) I was able to feel more comfortable around them. Despite the lack of conversation, merely being around them caused these feelings of comfort.

So my question is, do you think constantly being around despite what is said causes closer relationships? Or is talking necessary and my experiences were just a fluke?

iamnotspock
02-17-2008, 01:42 AM
There is no need to talk. Just wiggle your ears in the right pattern and they will know what you mean.

Zilal
02-17-2008, 10:27 AM
I think just spending time around people plays an important part, but talking and shared experiences aren't irrelevant.

vaguely dissatisfied
02-17-2008, 10:58 AM
A mixture between shyness and sheer pride have kept me from interacting with people as much as I'd like to. When I initially meet someone, I usually have trouble finding the right words to say, or any words for that matter. But I've noticed a pattern.

The people I feel the most comfortable around are those who I had been forced to be around. The initial meeting is awkward as usual, but because I was forced to be around them (ie church, soccer team, work) I was able to feel more comfortable around them. Despite the lack of conversation, merely being around them caused these feelings of comfort.

So my question is, do you think constantly being around despite what is said causes closer relationships? Or is talking necessary and my experiences were just a fluke?
I think it has more to do with a feeling of acceptance based on the fact that they are not treating you as if you are unacceptable. Your fear of people may be due to a fear of rejection (unacceptability).

Jgib5328
02-17-2008, 11:12 AM
A mixture between shyness and sheer pride have kept me from interacting with people as much as I'd like to. When I initially meet someone, I usually have trouble finding the right words to say, or any words for that matter. But I've noticed a pattern.

The people I feel the most comfortable around are those who I had been forced to be around. The initial meeting is awkward as usual, but because I was forced to be around them (ie church, soccer team, work) I was able to feel more comfortable around them. Despite the lack of conversation, merely being around them caused these feelings of comfort.

So my question is, do you think constantly being around despite what is said causes closer relationships? Or is talking necessary and my experiences were just a fluke?

If you are forced to be around other people, you eventually get used to it, so that causes the comfort. Talking is important too. The more conversations you share with a person, the more you get to know them and the more comfortable you are with them. If you are around people and you never talk to them, they are probably going to think you are rather odd. You need to share some form of colloquial expression. Whenever I am in a group and there is somebody that doesn't talk, I think of the kid as an outsider of the group, which he is. Sometimes that kid is me though..

AgentofGaming
02-17-2008, 12:32 PM
If you are forced to be around other people, you eventually get used to it, so that causes the comfort. Talking is important too. The more conversations you share with a person, the more you get to know them and the more comfortable you are with them. If you are around people and you never talk to them, they are probably going to think you are rather odd. You need to share some form of colloquial expression. Whenever I am in a group and there is somebody that doesn't talk, I think of the kid as an outsider of the group, which he is. Sometimes that kid is me though..

You don't have to talk to know someone. We can know them through their actions and interactions through our own observations. Of course that almost guarantees they won't know you unless they observe/talk to you. However what matters is once you know a person through observation, the familiarity and understanding is the comfort.

lol, the odd kid out is me. Class forms groups, I just sit alone waiting for someone to ask me to join a group or let the TA assign it. :rolleyes:

Jgib5328
02-17-2008, 02:17 PM
You don't have to talk to know someone. We can know them through their actions and interactions through our own observations. Of course that almost guarantees they won't know you unless they observe/talk to you. However what matters is once you know a person through observation, the familiarity and understanding is the comfort.

lol, the odd kid out is me. Class forms groups, I just sit alone waiting for someone to ask me to join a group or let the TA assign it. :rolleyes:

Well you can get to know people well through just actions, you won't get the full picture without talking to them.

AgentofGaming
02-17-2008, 02:24 PM
Well you can get to know people well through just actions, you won't get the full picture without talking to them.

True, but for me how one acts in public is enough to tailor my actions on since I only interact with people in public. Besides sometimes you don't get the full picture even if you talk to them the so called mystery people.

Necrosis
02-17-2008, 07:58 PM
Before I even talk to someone, I generally see them around and watch their actions and I kind of classify them into groups in my head. But then after I speak w/ them, usually forced as u guys said cuz I see no reason to talk 2 random strangers, I replace them into where I see best lol. Basically for me, until you prove yourself to me I could care less about conversing with you.

coffeeloverfreak
02-17-2008, 11:45 PM
I'm the opposite, I think. With most new people, I find conversation awkward, forced, and a strain. If I'm forced to be around them, usually I don't end up becoming any more comfortable with them over time. Though I can deal with them if we have some sort of shared topic or goal (e.g. coworkers), I'll never end up being socially comfortable with them.

However, some people - my best friends among them - are those I clicked with almost instantly. These are the rare people I can talk to for hours and never run out of things to say. The people I can meet and just know I'll be good friends with for years, maybe for life. There are only a few of them, but they're incredibly valuable to me and I wouldn't trade them for anything.

Maybe that's why I get so hurt if I lose a friend or one moves away or something. Unlike some people (Es, mostly) who just like to be surrounded by people all the time, I am very particular about which people I want to be around. My friends are not interchangeable and they are not replaceable.

Rayden
02-18-2008, 09:24 AM
Thankyou all for the replies.
After reading your posts I think I've come to realize that its not so much shyness as it is finding what to say. For some reason when I try to talk to most people they usually want me to do all the talking, especially the opposite sex (im male btw).

Its a serious pain in the ass to try to come up with something to say while the other person is staring into space. This is especially hard with someone like me who hates small talk with a fiery passion. (always thought i was weird until I found this site and saw that other people hated it too).

I dont know if I'm just paranoid, maybe Im weird. But what I do know is that all my conversations end abruptly and awkwardly lol....

lordrrr
02-18-2008, 09:07 PM
Yeah, I can't stand meeting new people usually, unless I'm introduced and stuff and I think the person is cool. I prefer hanging with my friends but mainly I hate people and new people in general. Not because they don't want to hang around me but mainly they just don't get me.

pavman
02-18-2008, 09:15 PM
...but mainly they just don't get me.

Yeah I know what you mean. The women on this board apparently don't understand one iota about me. ;D

blueback
02-18-2008, 09:28 PM
Nah, they understand you, they just want to put you in your place. I've gotten nearly the same response on occasion when I neglected to qualify my statements about women. On the one hand they will point out how they are less than one percent of the population and on the other they will get bent out of shape when they aren't singled out for special consideration. My theory is that they're sensetive to the topic because they've lived their whole life being told that women aren't supposed to be the way INTJ women are.