View Full Version : corrupt a wish
02-21-2012, 10:26 AM
Granted. The upside is that even prison rapists are disgusted by beastialitists, so you're safe for the next 15 years.
I wish all countries were square-shaped.
02-21-2012, 10:26 AM
^^Granted. She has no intentions to talk to you.
I wish I own siberian husky.
02-21-2012, 10:34 AM
Granted. It's feral.
I wish I had a clone of myself.
02-21-2012, 10:35 AM
Granted. He accidentally swallows your entire arm and has a heart attack. Now you have to keep pumping his heart manually to ensure he doesn't die and spasmically bite your arm off. I hear they live for 20 years. Have fun. (Snaked, but I guess it still works)
I wish rockets were cheaper.
02-21-2012, 10:43 AM
Granted. Now every idiot in the world can buy one.
I wish gravitation didn't exist.
02-21-2012, 10:46 AM
Granted. Gravitation is gone, but someone just pushed you into space. I wish I could talk to JRR Tolkien.
02-21-2012, 10:52 AM
Granted. He couldn't hear you.
I wish I was taller.
02-21-2012, 10:56 AM
Granted. You are approximately 1/20th of a centimeter taller. I wish I could teleport.
02-21-2012, 10:59 AM
Granted. You can't control it.
I wish I could do stuff better.
02-21-2012, 11:01 AM
Granted. You get bored easily without a challenge.
I wish I could be the smartest man in the history of the world.
02-21-2012, 11:02 AM
Granted. Everything seems stupid and pointless for you.
I wish I could sing.
02-21-2012, 11:03 AM
Granted. But you're terrible. I wish inspiration for writing came to me easily.
02-21-2012, 11:09 AM
Granted. You are always writing.
I wish I was better at writing compositions and essays.
02-21-2012, 11:10 AM
Granted. You don't put much effort into the ideas, though, so your professors find them simple.
I wish I didn't procrastinate so much.
02-21-2012, 11:19 AM
Granted. Now you have more time, but you don't have anything to do.
I wish I was a genius.
02-21-2012, 11:22 AM
Granted. You are a hipster working in the local Apple Store.
I wish I could heal sick computers.
02-21-2012, 11:23 AM
Granted. You go on television and speak in tongues over people's ancient hardware.
I wish I had cybernetic augmentations.
02-21-2012, 11:24 AM
Granted. You are not getting paid.
I wish I had a guitar.
02-21-2012, 12:46 PM
Granted. You had a guitar. Too bad you lost it.
I wish I had a new snare drum.
02-21-2012, 12:49 PM
Granted. You can't find it anywhere.
I wish I was normal.
02-21-2012, 12:50 PM
Granted. You now don't have the self-awareness to appreciate the difference.
I wish I was smarter.
02-21-2012, 12:54 PM
Granted. Now everyone is too stupid to understand you.
I wish I had great painting skills.
02-21-2012, 01:02 PM
Granted. Now you always have pretty toenails, that are hidden inside shoes.
I wish I could be a hero for a day.
The Frozen One
02-21-2012, 01:34 PM
Granted... you become Hancock and everyone hates your guts because you're drunk and always breaking things.
I wish that we had a better choice of candidates for president.
02-21-2012, 01:50 PM
Granted! Cthulhu and Godzilla are the new candidates.
I wish I had more giant monster friends…
02-21-2012, 05:25 PM
Granted. You now have plenty of giant monster friends, but this ended up attracting an even greater number of giant monster enemies. This leads to a giant monster war, where all your friends are killed. You are now friendless thanks to selfishness.
I wish I weren't so greedy.
02-21-2012, 08:02 PM
Granted. In your new found magnanimity, you gave away everything you own. Now you are penniless and the only thing you have left is the shirt on your back.
I wish you all the best.
The Frozen One
02-22-2012, 08:27 AM
Granted! The best hit men in the country are now trying to kill your friend.
I wish I had more time.
02-22-2012, 10:07 AM
Granted. You are hooked on methemphetamines and awake 24/7.
I wish trees could sing.
02-22-2012, 01:55 PM
granted - they sing, but it's in Quenya and you can't understand a word of it.
I wish Ents still roamed the Earth.
02-23-2012, 11:03 AM
Granted! An Ent destroys your home because your dog peed on his leg.
I wish I could consume information…
02-23-2012, 11:18 AM
Granted! You physically attempt to eat a thesaurus, page by page.
I wish I could give people an electric shock remotely and telepathically.
02-23-2012, 11:46 AM
Granted. You can do it remotely from Mars but first you have to arrange your own transit and life support supplies, etc.
I wish I hadn't taken that bad advice.
02-23-2012, 11:53 AM
Granted. Instead of investing in alpacas, you invested in Enron.
I wish that EOE will keep his pony avatar for a while.
02-23-2012, 11:54 AM
Granted. The rest of us think less of him for it.
I wish I knew when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em.
02-24-2012, 12:59 AM
Granted. The timing was right but they don't like the way you held 'em and felt 'em. :devilish:
I wish I could contain myself.
02-24-2012, 01:21 AM
Granted! You lock yourself into restraints and the key accidentally falls somewhere you can't reach.
I wish I knew what to do with my free time.
02-24-2012, 05:28 AM
Granted. You became one of the moderators here.
I wish I knew what happens in ten year's time.
02-24-2012, 06:58 AM
Granted. Knowledge from every corner of the universe rushes into your brain from 10 years in the future. Your brain orgasms, then withers into a useless brain-raisin.
I wish I had a nice car.
02-24-2012, 10:13 AM
Granted. It's expensive.
I wish my friends would understand that I'm selfish.
02-24-2012, 12:36 PM
Granted. They hide everything when you come over.
I wish I could get back to a normal sleep schedule.
02-24-2012, 05:38 PM
You have been granted the ability to get back to your normal sleep schedule... from when you were a newborn.
I wish I didn't have to wear glasses.
02-24-2012, 08:07 PM
Granted. Mike Tyson bit both your ears off so now you can't wear glasses anymore.
I wish that tomorrow I will stop procrastinating.
02-24-2012, 08:13 PM
Granted. You stop procrastinating for an entire four minute seventeen seconds. You are plagued with the worst procrastinating habits for the remainder of your life.
I wish my feet weren't so cold.
02-24-2012, 08:18 PM
Granted. You are walking on hot coals, don't stop to think about it.
I wish my windows wouldn't rattle when it's windy outside.
02-24-2012, 08:33 PM
Granted. They instead have the ability to verbally complain about how windy it is outside.
I wish I lived in a castle.
02-24-2012, 08:37 PM
Granted. You live in a bouncy castle. As a bonus, on weekends they take it to kids' parties.
I wish I had servants to clean my house.
02-24-2012, 08:39 PM
Granted, you permanently have one servant for every material possession you own. They are quite smelly.
02-24-2012, 08:46 PM
Granted. All your future wishes will be unspoken.
I wish I could defy aging.
02-24-2012, 08:48 PM
Granted, you live to see the concentration camps aliens establish on Earth. You are tortured for entertainment for thousands of years.
I wish I could travel space in solitude.
02-24-2012, 08:53 PM
Granted, but it turns out that travelling in solitude instead of a rocket could not withstand the earth's atmosphere and you perished immediately.
I wish I could afford to quit my job and live comfortably anywhere in the world.
02-24-2012, 09:27 PM
Granted. You became a monk and lived comfortably at the Vatican for the rest of your life.
I wish I knew everything there is to know about photography without having to learn it.
02-24-2012, 11:27 PM
Granted. You can press a button and pictures are created.
I wish I looked good in photos.
02-24-2012, 11:44 PM
Granted. Good is a relative term. ;)
I wish I can sing like a nightingale.
02-25-2012, 01:14 PM
Granted. But you sing bad songs that no one likes.
I wish all bad songs were good songs.
02-25-2012, 06:44 PM
Granted! Now all they play is The Back Street Boys and Lady Gaga on the radio.
I wish I had a new friend.
02-25-2012, 07:05 PM
Granted. Your sock now has the most wonderful stories to tell you.
I wish I always had clean socks.
02-25-2012, 07:53 PM
Granted they are perpetually wet and soapy.
I wish I could grant everyone in the world omniscience for 10 minutes.
02-25-2012, 09:24 PM
Granted, however you can only grant that wish one person at a time. You get bored after person three.
I wish youtube wasn't banned on the WiFi I use.
02-25-2012, 09:39 PM
Granted. Unfortunately Youtube is filled with boring videos.
I wish magic was real.
02-26-2012, 06:54 AM
Granted, but someone just made your likeness into a voodoo doll and threw it a pack of German Shepard puppies.
I wish I could change colors like a chameleon.
02-26-2012, 07:36 AM
Granted! But you canít control it and now the Gays have adopted you as their new rainbow mascot.
I wish it was lunch time.
02-26-2012, 10:03 AM
Granted. It's always lunchtime somewhere on the planet.
I wish I could have steak for dinner.
02-26-2012, 10:10 AM
Granted! You have to fight the bull as a matador for your dinner first.
I wish I could go deep sea fishing again.
02-26-2012, 10:26 AM
You have a sea sickness! you forgot? Anyways there is no fish in any sea anymore!
I wish I was an ugly retarded carrot :wacky:. What an easy life would've that bean. Ignorance is bliss ! :liar:
02-26-2012, 10:43 AM
Granted. Someone ate you.
I wish I was older.
02-26-2012, 10:44 AM
Granted. You're now frail, half blind, and in a wheelchair.
I wish I could make perfect eggs over easy every time.
02-26-2012, 10:50 AM
Granted. However, you don't like eggs anymore.
I wish I liked cooking.
02-26-2012, 10:53 AM
Granted! You only cook with the very hottest peppers, though, so your food is inedible.
I wish I could finish a hot wings challenge.
02-26-2012, 07:03 PM
Granted. You competed in the hot wings beauty pageant but you were only runner-up to Miss Newark. (For future reference, next time have a side order of carrot sticks with blue cheese dip with your evening gown).
I wish I could repaint the interior of my house without moving or covering anything.
02-26-2012, 07:17 PM
Granted. You can do that. You just get paint all over your stuff.
I wish people didn't care what my house looked like.
02-26-2012, 07:23 PM
Granted. You can hoard as many old pizza boxes as you want and eventually become a reality TV star.
I wish they would stop producing new reality tv series.
02-26-2012, 07:40 PM
Granted. Soaps are the new rage.
I wish I don't have a cough now.
02-27-2012, 10:37 AM
Granted - you don't have a cough now, but in 10 minutes you cough so badly for the rest of the day that your entrails become your extrails.
I wish my car always ran perfectly without having to have the oil changed.
02-27-2012, 11:20 AM
Granted. When your current car breaks down, you steal a new one in good condition. This becomes a serial habit.
I wish my toenails didn't grow.
02-27-2012, 11:44 AM
Granted. Instead, they just falke apart and fall off, leaving a really creepy looking residue.
I wish it were 70*F outside where I live.
02-27-2012, 11:46 AM
Granted. However, your heater went crazy, so it's 89*F inside.
02-27-2012, 11:48 AM
I can't grant non-existent wishes, so I'll make another wish.
I wish I could learn by osmosis.
02-27-2012, 11:49 AM
Granted. You learn absolutely everything there is to know about your couch.
I wish I consistently remembered to wish for things in this thread.
02-27-2012, 12:21 PM
Granted, but then you forget to post your wishes.
I wish I could visit Cancun again soon.
02-27-2012, 12:22 PM
Granted. Your ashes shall be scattered across the beautiful coastlines.
I wish I never had to do busywork.
02-27-2012, 12:25 PM
Granted - you never have to do busy work again, only slow trudging work that bores you to death.
I wish that when I die, my remains are jettisoned into the sun.
02-27-2012, 12:31 PM
Granted. Of course, this was inevitable due to the collision of the Earth and Sun that had just taken place.
I wish finding good music was easy.
02-27-2012, 12:35 PM
Granted. You now have a compass that points towards good music. Sadly, your standards are impossibly high, and the compass broke under the pressure.
I wish the mail wasn't so slow.
02-27-2012, 12:51 PM
Granted. Now the male is premature. Can you say ETo view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
I wish I hadn't said that.
02-27-2012, 12:56 PM
Granted. Now, all instances of the word "that" you have said or written has been stricken from history, leading to numerous failed school protects. You need to repeat grade 2 and up. Good luck.
I wish I had an easier time in school.
02-27-2012, 01:00 PM
Granted - teachers in every school push you through without actually grading any of your work. You graduate, but really, you know next to nothing and this saddens you.
I wish you had worked hard and earned good grades.
02-27-2012, 01:04 PM
Granted. I am now a world renowned scientist that has disproved everything you ever tried to prove, leading to you becoming a hobo.
I wish you weren't homeless.
02-27-2012, 01:15 PM
Granted (and thanks!) - I now live in a posh condo with a heated pool and jaccuzzi, my bed is never empty of beautiful intelligent women, and although all of my theories have been disproven, I'm still very content with my life.
I wish everyone were as happy as I.
02-27-2012, 04:04 PM
granted, we all look to you each morning to gauge our dispositions.
i wish i may, i wish i might.
02-27-2012, 04:10 PM
Granted. You may spend a romantic evening with Ru Paul, but you might not like it.
I wish good luck charms actually worked.
02-27-2012, 04:16 PM
granted, and they really are magically delicious.
i wish they would bring back the old quisp vs quake contest.
02-27-2012, 09:40 PM
Granted - they bring it back, and it goes head-to-head against the contest between Count Chocula and Frankenberry.
I wish lycanthropy were a way of life.
02-27-2012, 10:16 PM
Granted. Due to some genetic accident, your size after transformation is compromised. You attained the size of an ant.
I wish I know what China is up to.
02-28-2012, 04:02 AM
you become tread-fodder for a chinese tank.
i wish i had intj nipples.
02-28-2012, 04:23 AM
Granted. They have a hard time sensing anything and prefer to turn inwards.
I wish I could visualize INTJ nipples.
02-28-2012, 04:58 AM
Granted. And then there is the puke!
I wish puke doesn't stink so much.
02-28-2012, 08:39 AM
granted, but that's only because you burned all of your nose senses from so much puking that you've completely lost all sense of smell. So much for hot apple pie and pizza and roast turkey and fresh flowers and springtime.
I wish my son weren't so stubborn.
The Frozen One
02-28-2012, 09:45 AM
Granted... he is now susceptible to the Jedi mind trick by non-Jedi which only works on the exceptionally weak minded.
I wish I had more wishes...
02-28-2012, 10:16 AM
Granted. An infinite number of corruptions await you.
I wish this week was a bit more inspirational.
02-28-2012, 11:18 AM
Granted. Mariah Carey stops by and sings for you, which inspires some teenage girls standing nearby.
I wish I could sing well.
02-28-2012, 11:32 AM
Granted. Vocal chord tuned.
Wish 4 a break....in the sun.
02-28-2012, 12:56 PM
Granted - on the next warm sunny day, your SO takes you on a picknic and unexpectedly breaks up with you.
I wish I weren't so gentle with people I love.
02-28-2012, 02:48 PM
Granted. You are only gentle with strangers which has resulted in your being mugged repeatedly.
I wish I could transcend time zones.
02-28-2012, 02:53 PM
it is now after 5 pm, no matter where you are.
i wish smoking pot didn't have any negative side effects
02-28-2012, 07:02 PM
Granted! But now it doesn’t have any good ones either.
I wish I could travel the world.
02-28-2012, 08:22 PM
Granted. You've joined the army and got deployed to Crapshitistan.
I wish I could ride cats like a horse.
The Frozen One
02-29-2012, 03:56 AM
Granted. You are now a flea.
I wish that I could spend more time on the beach.
02-29-2012, 04:06 AM
^^granted with a bonus!
you require sooo much liposuction to become cat jockey sized, you are able to sell the drained blubber to McDonalds for fry oil.
^ granted resulting in several progeny. and btw, it is pronounced 'Bee-Ahch'
i wish the buttons were bigger on my iPhone
02-29-2012, 05:22 AM
Granted. Everything looks bigger through your new spectacles.
I wish the world never ends.
02-29-2012, 09:38 AM
Granted. The world will never end, but you will die anyway.
I wish I had musical talents.
02-29-2012, 11:14 AM
Granted but your talents are so avant guard that only the truly bizarre can appreciate your music.
I wish I had made playing my saxophone a priority while in high school.
02-29-2012, 12:42 PM
Granted. It took you until age 23 to graduate.
I wish INTJf would produce a band and that I could hear an album by them.
02-29-2012, 01:10 PM
Granted, but everyone wants to be conductor and we all try to play over each other.
I wish I could play medieval and renaissance instruments.
02-29-2012, 01:25 PM
Granted. You're able to make strange honking noises and jarring twangs, but that's all.
I wish Auto-Tune would go away.
02-29-2012, 01:55 PM
Granted, now everything is out of tune and sounds like the score to a Tim Burton movie.
I wish I could make a name for myself as a good actor.
02-29-2012, 02:30 PM
Granted, Tim Burton makes you his new poster boy and all of your fans are squealing high school girls.
I wish I sucked less at first person shooters.
02-29-2012, 03:20 PM
Granted. You now have uncontrollable ADD.
I wish marijuana was legal.
03-01-2012, 03:58 AM
hemp rope gives nylon rope serious competition.
i wish my vocation didn't interfere with my forum needs.
03-01-2012, 07:53 AM
Granted, but your leprosy probably will.
I wish that for continued membership in INTJf, all members have to write an essay a year on the topic they know the least about with as many words as their post count.
03-01-2012, 08:21 AM
Granted - but the algorhythm is off and now demands that INTJf members instead must devote their computers to scanning the solar system for as yet unknown NEAs (near Earth asteroids) which will then be named after the pets of forumites who have the highest post counts. If such a person has no pet, then that personmust exit the forum.
I wish the area where I live wasn't so rural and spiritually dead.
03-01-2012, 09:13 AM
^ Granted. You now live in an overly crowded metropolis (worse than New York), which is only aggravated by all the ghosts that wander the streets, causing chaos wherever they go.
I wish I had a pet goat
The Frozen One
03-01-2012, 10:10 AM
Granted. Now your pet goat is always humping you.
I wish that there were less natural disasters.
03-01-2012, 10:44 AM
Granted - now we have frequent un-natural disasters caused by politically corrupt morons who want to control the world.
I wish our world was peaceful and free from violence and corruption.
03-01-2012, 10:48 AM
^ Granted. Violence and corruption is now incredibly expensive, and, while less common, is far more damaging than ever. Nice job making things worse.
I wish for magic to be real.
03-01-2012, 12:37 PM
Granted. The magician really did make your wallet disappear.
I wish I had a nice big breakfast sandwich in front of me.
03-01-2012, 05:49 PM
Granted. Someone is eating a nice big breakfast sandwich right in front of you.
I wish I didn't have an annoying voice.
03-01-2012, 09:14 PM
granted - you have no voice at all now.
I wish I had limitless energy.
03-02-2012, 07:28 AM
Granted, but it's only physical energy, your brain is weary and it can never sleep.
I wish grasshoppers ate ants.
The Frozen One
03-02-2012, 08:05 AM
Granted. Now there is a swarm of locusts around your house.
I wish that we could all get along...
03-02-2012, 09:25 AM
Granted. All discussions are deemed arguments and no longer allowed.
I wish the dishes would wash themselves.
03-02-2012, 12:04 PM
Granted. Unfortunately, they do so before you get a chance to eat anything off of them.
I wish I could stop shaving my legs.
03-02-2012, 12:48 PM
granted - you can stop shaving your legs but your leg hair grows long enough for you to French braid it.
I wish my cast would know all of their lines in the right order so we can seriously block the movements of the play.
03-02-2012, 12:52 PM
Granted. Unfortunately, they become reclusive divas and start making unreasonable demands.
I wish I woke up every morning full of joy and happiness.
03-02-2012, 01:08 PM
granted, but that dissipates as soon as you see the clock and the time is 3:33 AM and you realize you have no hope of going back to sleep.
I wish I could always sleep through the godless hour (which for me is 2 AM until 7 AM).
03-02-2012, 02:36 PM
Granted. Especially on long car trips when you are behind the wheel.
I wish I could accomplish twice as much in half the time when I work out.
03-02-2012, 08:14 PM
you end up smelling twice as bad, you wear out twice as many polyester jogging outfits, and you pay twice as many of your personal trainers house payments... and you get out of the gym in time to hit the traffic going home.
you go girl.
i wish fish oil capsules didn't leave me with fish oil indigestion.
03-03-2012, 10:37 AM
Granted. Now it's the only thing that doesn't leave you with indigestion.
I wish it was summer.
03-03-2012, 11:31 AM
Granted. All of a sudden it's summer, you just missed six months of house and bill payments, and your employer let you go for being AWOL.
I wish I would have more motivation to work out.
03-05-2012, 07:45 PM
Granted. You are now Richard Simmons.
I wish I could hypnotize animals just by looking at them.
03-05-2012, 08:30 PM
Granted. But you can't unhypnotize them
I wish I could I could have hung out with Mitch Hedburg
03-05-2012, 10:40 PM
Granted. You were hypnotized the entire time and uttered not a single word.
I wish I have a pet monkey.
03-06-2012, 04:17 AM
Granted, you now own Marcel. Unfortunately he's still in search of lost time.
I wish I could heal migraine.
03-06-2012, 05:31 AM
Granted! unfortunately the pained masses congregate outside of your apartment begging for relief, giving you an awful headache.
i wish i could get a patent on the iNOM
03-07-2012, 03:02 AM
Granted. This is that machine that simulates cannibalism right? Hells yeah, I got dibs.
I wish someone would fix this page (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GD-ROM). Clearly they got their facts wrong.
03-07-2012, 03:51 AM
granted. the link now takes us to GD DOM, genessor's own sub/dom page.
i wish i thought less and did more.
03-07-2012, 06:44 AM
Granted. The sound of wind rushing through your head gets slightly louder.
I wish ants didn't have to work so hard.
03-07-2012, 09:23 AM
Granted. They're now ten times larger and can drag your pets away with ease.
I wish bees didn't sting.
03-07-2012, 10:37 AM
Granted. Now they bite.
I wish today was longer.
03-07-2012, 10:49 AM
Granted. Your boss keeps you at work an extra 3 hours.
I wish this headache would go away.
03-07-2012, 10:51 AM
Granted. Now you have indigestion.
I wish it was weekend.
03-07-2012, 10:55 AM
Granted. You just woke up from a coma. It's a bright sunny Saturday in 2057.
I wish people were honest and told the truth.
03-07-2012, 10:56 AM
Granted. You don't like people anymore.
I wish it was morning.
03-07-2012, 11:00 AM
Granted. It's morning here where I am.
I wish everybody voted.
03-07-2012, 11:07 AM
Granted. It doesn't change anything anyway.
I wish my friend would be with me right now.
03-07-2012, 11:10 AM
Granted. Your friend is now pissed because they were in the middle of something really important.
I wish I could diagnose my own illnesses with 100% accuracy and certainty.
03-07-2012, 11:13 AM
Granted. Now you are aware of the fact that you have all possible diseases.
I wish I was a better person.
03-07-2012, 11:15 AM
Granted. Now you see all the evil and corruption and commit suicide
I wish I was kayaking the Salmon River in Idaho
03-07-2012, 06:00 PM
Granted! You drowned…
I wish it would rain gumdrops and lollypops…
03-08-2012, 10:13 AM
Granted - but now that sugary goodness is everywhere, so are the flies and bees. thanks for the pestilence.
I wish my kids were healthy.
03-09-2012, 09:55 AM
Granted. Your kids are sheltered from every possible infectious agent, so their immune systems never truly develop. They also aren't allowed outside.
I wish after I die, I could start over with a new life but remember everything from this one.
03-09-2012, 10:48 AM
Granted. You are a dog in the next life.
I wish dogs were women's best friend.
03-09-2012, 01:32 PM
Granted. Your wife spends all her time at the Humane Society instead of with you.
I wish cats obeyed commands like dogs do.
03-09-2012, 03:03 PM
granted! too bad the only thing they fetch is the same old moldy furball.
i wish dogs really did play poker
03-09-2012, 05:03 PM
Granted, but they whimper every time they lose a hand and often resort to begging for chips.
I wish cats could administer neck massages.
03-09-2012, 05:26 PM
Granted, but they don't trim their claws before administering the massages.
I wish all the executives at the major banks were fired and replaced with cats.
03-09-2012, 05:59 PM
granted. now they care even less about why you are there.
i wish everyone shared my political view
03-09-2012, 06:08 PM
Granted. Everyone agrees that the current administration should be fired and replaced by Pauly Shore.
I wish that Kermit the Frog was President of the United States.
03-09-2012, 06:12 PM
ms piggy is the bestest hostess since dolly madison.
i wish childhood was as simple as it was supposed to be.
03-10-2012, 06:18 AM
Granted. Childhood is not simple. Children are simple. We are simple.
I wish simplicity is a state of mind.
03-10-2012, 10:44 AM
Granted. It is, but it's not valuable (as a state of mind).
I wish I knew what I want.
03-10-2012, 11:30 AM
granted, but you really don't have to go to a women's prison to get it.
i wish i had huge biceps
03-10-2012, 11:31 AM
Granted. Now everyone is afraid of you.
I wish I could control time.
03-10-2012, 11:34 AM
you can't change it's speed, but you can require a dress code.
i wish my eyelids weren't so heavy
03-10-2012, 11:36 AM
Granted. They aren't heavy, but you look awful.
I wish people stopped talking.
03-10-2012, 11:55 AM
oh, perfect :veryangry:
granted... now everyone screeches at each other.
i wish it was late enough in the day to drink crown already
03-10-2012, 11:57 AM
Granted. It's late enough, but drinking doesn't make you feel better.
I wish I was better at math.
03-10-2012, 12:01 PM
was: 2+2= orange
now: 2+2= 22
i wish i had a jet fighter
03-10-2012, 12:03 PM
Granted. You have it and it's worthless.
I wish I could teleport.
03-10-2012, 12:26 PM
oh shit. jeff goldblum got stuck in the machine with you.
i wish that movie was as good as the original
03-10-2012, 12:32 PM
Granted. You are the only one that is happy about it.
I wish dragons existed.
03-10-2012, 12:36 PM
Granted. Puff the Magic Dragon exists but is uninteresting.
I wish magic was more magical.
03-10-2012, 12:50 PM
New and Improved Magic!
now 25% more magical!!!
i wish i had a job on madison avenue
03-10-2012, 12:52 PM
Granted. You have the job, but they pay you with oxygen.
I wish I could swim.
03-10-2012, 01:00 PM
granted, and thanks to darwin, you do so quite well.
i wish i knew the truth
03-10-2012, 01:02 PM
Granted. You know the truth, but no one cares.
I wish I could see sky right now.
03-10-2012, 01:05 PM
granted. since there is no longer a roof, you also have a good view of the funnel cloud.
i wish my back wasn't so tight
03-10-2012, 01:06 PM
Granted. Now it's not tight enough.
I wish people would realise that I'm selfish.
03-10-2012, 01:14 PM
granted. now several of us carry an epi pen, because we are allergic to shellfish.
i wish yassir arafat fronted a death metal band
03-10-2012, 01:17 PM
Granted. The band is unsuccessful.
I wish I was older.
03-10-2012, 01:22 PM
(i can keep going if you want)
i wish i could pop my own cracker jacks
03-10-2012, 01:26 PM
Granted. It doesn't help you to come up with great ideas.
I wish I wasn't sick.
03-10-2012, 01:38 PM
3 years of psych counseling and $260,000 in restitution to your victims... i'd say you are ok now
i wish the new iPad had a spiffy name
03-10-2012, 01:41 PM
Granted. It has a spiffy name and because of that, it's even more expensive.
I wish I had a lamp with the actual genie.
03-10-2012, 01:49 PM
Granted. The genie is annoying though and not your friend, so you throw the lamp away.
I wish I could have Thai noodles for lunch.
03-10-2012, 01:51 PM
Granted.You had Thai noodles for lunch. You still feel very hungry.
I wish I could remember more things from past.
03-10-2012, 01:53 PM
Granted. You now remember that you had French fries for lunch about a year ago and you once bought that album that you don't play anymore.
I wish everyone had a balcony.
03-10-2012, 01:56 PM
granted, but you aren't gonna be happy when you get the bill from the US navy.
i wish i could go on another cruise to jamaica
03-10-2012, 02:19 PM
Granted. You cruise around Jamaica on a skateboard.
I wish everyplace was Jamaica.
03-10-2012, 02:23 PM
i wish i had a better response that that... so predictable.
03-10-2012, 02:26 PM
Granted. I go back in time to try to stop your original response, but I am stopped by the Terminator.
I wish time travel wasn't possible.
03-10-2012, 02:36 PM
i wish my sister would actually cook the menu i suggested.
03-10-2012, 03:14 PM
Granted. Your menu tastes awful.
I wish ponies were in charge of the government.
03-10-2012, 04:28 PM
Granted. You have earned the eternal hate of the Anti Pony Rebellion and EoE has gored you with the horn in his avatar.
I wish I was more athletic.
03-10-2012, 04:41 PM
Granted. But you are now less intelligent.
I wish for 3 more wishes.
03-10-2012, 05:42 PM
Granted. The genie thought you said "fishes".
I wish that I was always in top physical condition.
03-10-2012, 05:59 PM
Granted. You are on top of a mountain with a specific physical condition.
I wish more people did yoga.
03-11-2012, 06:12 AM
now jellystone national park is rampant with STD's
i wish i could go back in time and have sex with that drunken swedish exchange student from high school.
03-11-2012, 10:44 AM
Granted. It is not satisfying sex.
I wish sex was always satisfying.
03-11-2012, 12:11 PM
Granted. Your wife shuts you down to once a year. "So it's like a birthday! Won't that be fun, honey?"
I wish I had the stamina I did in my twenties.
03-11-2012, 02:04 PM
Granted. You have the stamina of a 20 year old guy and a point of view of a 10 year old.
I wish I knew a guy with whom I had things in common.
03-11-2012, 02:11 PM
Granted. You've friendzoned him, however, and he wishes you would pay attention to him.
I wish I could bake cookies without overestimating how long they should be in the oven.
03-11-2012, 02:13 PM
Granted. Every time you bake cookies, they turn out to be monsters.
I wish I wasn't desperate.
03-11-2012, 03:54 PM
Granted. You are now shallow but focused.
I wish bats were our friends.
03-11-2012, 07:11 PM
Granted. They agree to share their delicious guano with us.
I wish I was batman.
03-11-2012, 10:51 PM
Granted. The Joker kills you effortlessly due to your lack of experience being Batman.
I wish I was the Joker.
03-11-2012, 10:52 PM
Granted. Not funny!
I wish you are funnier.
03-12-2012, 10:24 AM
Granted. None of us can match his wit now, and eventually everyone else stops posting in the game threads.
I wish mayonnaise wasn't so bad for you.
03-12-2012, 11:15 AM
Granted. Mayonnaise is really healthy and everyone are obsessed with buying it.
I wish I wasn't a perfectionist.
The Frozen One
03-12-2012, 11:22 AM
Granted. Now everything you touch is either broken or in a complete mess.
I wish I could create a time machine.
03-12-2012, 11:24 AM
Granted. You can only travel to past.
I wish I was invisible.
03-12-2012, 09:03 PM
Granted. Nobody notices you anymore.
I wish you'd know that I liked your avatar.
03-13-2012, 07:20 PM
Granted, but ^^ thinks your avatar sucks.
I wish solar powered cars were feasible with current technology.
03-13-2012, 07:54 PM
Granted. They are, but cost $5 billion each.
I wish for $10 billion.
03-13-2012, 09:20 PM
granted. given to you in pesos
I wish for more patience
03-13-2012, 09:40 PM
Granted. You have many patients as a practicing podiatrist.
I wish my feet were never sore.
03-13-2012, 10:37 PM
Granted. The soreness is forever transferred to your ego.
I wish I never make grammatical mistakes.
03-13-2012, 10:46 PM
Granted. All your mistakees will now be due to spelling.
I wish everyone were telepathic.
03-13-2012, 10:48 PM
Granted. I just read your thoughts. Scandalous! :stunned:
I wish you hadn't thought that thought.
03-13-2012, 10:57 PM
Granted. Now you'll never know what might have been. :love:
I wish people made sense.
03-13-2012, 11:01 PM
Granted. But you're not having any of mine. ;)
I wish my senses are well locked away.
03-13-2012, 11:07 PM
Granted. You'll have no common sense -- uncommon all the way.
I wish no doors were locked to inquisitive ones.
03-13-2012, 11:14 PM
Granted. Unlocked doors began to frighten you because what you see within makes you quiver.
I wish I hold the keys to all doors.
03-13-2012, 11:19 PM
Granted. Yet all the door knobs have plastic child-proof covers on them.
I wish I knew the key to happiness.
03-13-2012, 11:34 PM
Granted. I'm holding that key for you. :p
I wish I'm important.
03-14-2012, 03:46 AM
I wish I'm impregnated.
*releases bull mastiff*
i wish i wasn't so sleepy
03-14-2012, 10:56 AM
Granted. You've just downed a large coffee with two extra shots of espresso. You can hear your heart pounding.
I wish people would know not to call me before 8 am.
03-14-2012, 01:22 PM
Granted. Now they will always call you at 3 am.
I wish money didn't exist.
03-14-2012, 01:23 PM
Granted. People go back to the bartering system.
I wish people weren't so addicted to using the phone.
03-14-2012, 01:26 PM
Granted. Now they are addicted to shouting Marco Polo.
I wish this day was longer.
03-14-2012, 01:28 PM
Granted. The disruption to the space time continuum creates a diverse variety of atemporal paradoxes.
I wish paradoxes didn't exist.
03-14-2012, 01:31 PM
Granted. The world is really messed up right now.
I wish I was better at writing.
03-14-2012, 01:45 PM
Granted. Now you're obsessed with writing and just can't stop.
I wish I could have a week to myself.
03-14-2012, 01:49 PM
Granted. The week is way shorter than its supposed to be.
I wish my sleeping problems wouldn't end this week.
03-14-2012, 03:54 PM
Granted! They never end at all…
I wish I could take a nap at work without getting in trouble…
03-14-2012, 04:08 PM
Granted, you are now a self employed hobo.
I wish my album collection was bigger.
03-14-2012, 06:53 PM
Granted. Now, albums are the only thing in your house. You no longer have any room for a refrigerator, bed, toilet, or music player of any sort. I wish you good luck in living you life in such... awkward circumstances.
I wish i were more organized
03-15-2012, 12:12 AM
Granted. You are now in prison, where everything is structured for you.
I wish that strawberry flavor extract actually tasted like strawberries.
03-15-2012, 02:31 AM
Granted. I hear they're using strawberry flavor extract in strawberries. :wacko:
I wish I didn't say that.
03-15-2012, 07:33 AM
Granted. You instead said "I am the champion of all the drunken mules in the world", which makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
I wish mules could never become drunk.
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