corrupt a wish

[Nikita]

Granted.

You develop a weird condition that causes electronics to malfunction and become inoperable in your presence.

I wish I could control time.

[dragonsscout]

Granted. Unfortunately, you are a bit vague on the implications. You travel back in time and kill one of your ancestors, creating a paradox that destroys the universe.

I wish that Christmas commercials would start after Thanksgiving.

[Algol]

Granted. They start after this Thanksgiving and never, ever stop.

I wish I could light yappy dogs on fire with my mind.

[Nikita]

Granted.

Fido the psycho lunges at you in a ball of pyrotechnics and you burn alive, his yapping being the last thing you hear on this earth.

I wish I could go backpacking around Africa.

[dragonsscout]

Granted, you get a treadmill powered ship and a small backpack with which to go around Africa. I hoped you packed enough food and water.

I wish I could run at 60mph.

[nat]

Granted, your ability was discovered by an intelligent agent, they captured you, made you the subject of an experiment in which resulted death.

I wish I can decide things better.

[Nikita]

Granted.

You're an ESTJ. Go get 'em steamroller!

I wish I had more water.

[Anumidium]

Granted. Granted Chinese water torture, that is.

I wish I could get this spot off my monitor.

[Nikita]

Granted.

You scratch it off and in the process tear off a large portion of your screen.

I wish I did not have a conscience.

[dragonsscout]

Granted, unfortunately heaven and hell actually exist...

I wish that I could see infared in addition to visible light.

[Nikita]

Granted.

The infrared vision is so distracting that you get run over by a car in your daze.

I wish I could prevent every person from ever being raped.

[dragonsscout]

Granted. No one can have any sort of sexual activity whatsoever now, but the wants continue.

I wish I could hop on my head.

[Snail]

Granted. You hop so hard that your neck breaks off and your skull shatters into bloody fragments.

I wish that I could manipulate people's minds without them knowing it.

[Liason]

granted, god gives u this poew but just to screw with you he makes it so that it only works on people who secretly want to kill you, and it only influences them further toward this impulse. thus while you are practicing you're newly aquired skill I shoot you in the face.

I wish that I had a dollar evertime I felt like punching someone in the stomach and have. =w=

[Librorum]

Granted. Unfortunately it's still not enough to pay for a good lawyer and you spend your life in jail on multiple assault convictions.

I wish the economic crisis would kill Christmas shopping once and for all.

[Nikita]

Granted.

It also kills the world economy and we return to prehistoric methods of survival.

I wish I didn't have to walk so far to get to my car tonight.

[Librorum]

Granted. You see your car scream by you driven by meth-addicted teens who crash it into the river because the brakes don't work and you are charged with negligence causing death for not getting your brakes fixed.

I wish I hadn't missed Eugene Onegin last night.

[Nikita]

Granted.

You relive a yesterday where you get to see Eugene Onegin every day for the rest of eternity. You eventually become so sick of him that you plot and bring about his destruction, thereby breaking the cycle and never seeing him again.

I wish I had the patience to write a novel.

[Zhen]

Granted. With your perfectionistic nature you spend the next 10 years shut up in a small room...and just when you think it's complete, brilliant and perfect down to the last detail, the publishing house won't accept your ending so your novel never gets published, you quickly spiral into a nervous breakdown and end up having to move back in to your mother's.

I wish I was fighting fit.

[rwyatt365]

Granted; You have a 10-round match with Freddy Fit - 12 time light heavyweight ultimate fighter. He lost his last match and really wants to pound some real good.

I wish no one was on the road when I leave from work this evening.

[Liason]

granted, they are in the sky, sadly, right after you leave for work all of their cars fall on top of your car utterly crushing you to death.

I wish people would stop talking to me.

[Librorum]

Granted.









I wish the Allies hadn't bombed Monte Cassino.

[Nikita]

Granted.

They bombed the world's orphanages instead.

I wish I had a snake.

[Zhen]

Granted. Your snake didn't appreciate the lack of effort you put into giving it variety in its diet so escaped, made a blood bath of the kid next door's pet chicks and on top of your snake leaving you, a very angry mamma screaming at you and a very sad kid, you also get slapped with a $500 fine by the authorities for not having it properly registered in the first place.

I wish I could land helicopters on glaciers whenever I felt like it.


Granted.

They bombed the world's orphanages instead.

I wish I had a snake.

[rwyatt365]

Granted; Unfortunately the helicopter crews don't appreciate you landing their helicopters on glaciers around the world, so they strap you to the landing gear of a Sikorsky Skyhook and land you repeatedly on a bed of nails.

I wish it was May, and that I skipped winter.

[Allie]

Granted. You are in May, during the worst allergies outbreak of the century. Your eyes itched, watered, swollen, and bloodshot you can hardly see, until winter. Your nose is stuffed, and your coughing sent you into spasms. The only possible cure is cold, freezing weather.

I wish I could build and stock a duplicate of the New York Public Library as my private home.

[hongi]

Granted, nice looking model you built at 1:100 scale, text is a little hard to read on the books though.

I wish to have someone cook a nice supper for me.

[Nikita]

Granted.

Hannibal Lecter prepares a nice dinner for you and of you. How are you enjoying your brain?

I wish I could ride in a space shuttle.

[Librorum]

Granted. Your great-grandchild becomes an astronaut and is allowed to take a small portion of your cremains into space.

I wish I had a good ending for my blog post.

[Nikita]

Granted.

You think it's a good ending, but your readers disagree. Massive disputes ensue and they manage to get you booted from the internet.

I wish I had a faster computer.

[rahdam]

Granted, I give you an octocore 10 GHz processor matrix. it overheats and melts the entire computer, which is sitting in your lap. Your legs are irreparably burned by the intense heat, and you are wheelchair bound for the rest of your life.

edit: I would then build you bionic legs to compensate you for your loss. They would function perfectly and allow you to cover 100 m in 5 s, if you so wish.

I wish I could train without a mouthguard.

[Nikita]

Granted.

You are allowed to train without a mouth guard. One well-aimed blow to the mouth and you lose all of your teeth. You become so destitute that you cannot even afford false teeth. Desperate for money and thinking that you'll have to gum your food for the rest of your life, you seek employment in the adult industry and make a killer living as a "fluffer."

I wish I had a banana.

[Librorum]

Granted. You try to enjoy your banana at the zoo but are attacked by a group of chimpanzees and they joyfully leap on your lifeless body as they share the delicious banana amongst themselves.

I wish my ex wasn't coming over. He's such a snoop.

[Nikita]

Granted.

He gets into a car accident on the way over and the police and media tear your life apart due to suspician that you bled his brakeline.

I wish all football games would be cancelled today.

[Librorum]

Granted. The networks will broadcast curling all day.

I wish I knew what the sculpture in this photograph is:


To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

[Nikita]

Granted.

Knowing this secret sets the Knights Templar on your trail. They capture you, tie you to a table, and torture you seeking information about how you learned this information. You spend the rest of your days writhing in agony.

I wish pain was obsolete.

[Librorum]

Granted. Now we can no longer tell when we are sick or getting injured and life expectancy drops precipitously. On the bright side, the cost of health insurance also plummets.

I wish people would stop saying they have to be careful how they speak around me and actually start speaking carefully (i.e precisely) around me.

[Nikita]

Granted.

Unfortunately they have nothing nice to say and the constant barrage of insults eventually wears down your self-esteem to the point where you go insane, slaughter them all, threaten the judge at your trial and are sentenced to death. Your prison girlfriend beats the system to the punch, though, when she catches you looking at Lupe in the shower.

I wish I were immortal and indestructible.

[Zhen]

Granted- every other living thing on Earth dies and eventually all the buildings and their contents crumble and deteriorate too...you're still sitting there twiddling your thumbs bored as hell baking in the heat of a wind swept desert...remembering what it was like when you actually got to eat, interact and DO things. You can only hope that some :alien:s arrive soon...

I wish I could travel anywhere on a whim by snapping my fingers.

Granted.

Unfortunately they have nothing nice to say and the constant barrage of insults eventually wears down your self-esteem to the point where you go insane, slaughter them all, threaten the judge at your trial and are sentenced to death. Your prison girlfriend beats the system to the punch, though, when she catches you looking at Lupe in the shower.

I wish I were immortal and indestructible.

[Nikita]

Granted.

Unfortunately, you cannot control where you actually end up. You mistakenly transport yourself into the plumbing of a prison where you are bombarded with waste. Given your condition you cannot manage to snap and are forced to remain there until you are flushed out.

I wish I could go to sleep!

[Librorum]

Granted. You are put under a magic spell and will sleep forever because the prince who was supposed to wake you was turned into a frog and is waiting for you to kiss him and turn him back into a prince. Bit of a catch-22.

I wish the terrorism would stop.

[Synamon]

Granted. Terrorism stops.... for 5 minutes. Arg, you wasted a chance to stop it FOREVER, now we are doomed.

I wish daylight lasted longer.

[Nikita]

Granted.

Daylight never ends. The resulting barage of unending sunlight accelerates global warming and the world is swept into an Ice Age akin to that in the Day After Tomorrow.

I wish I could speak Russian.

[auriga vega]

Granted, but you can't speak English anymore.

I wish I had a device that turns books into movies

[Nikita]

Granted.

Unfortunately they're all D movies and this happens spontaneously so that you can never even touch a book again without it becoming a horrible movie, so horrible that you obtain absolutely no enjoyment from either books or movies ever again.

I wish that everyone on this forum were capable of responding, and had the intelligence to respond, to posts in order in threads that require it for proper function.

[Librorum]

Granted. You become fluent in Russian just as we go to war with Russia and are interned in a camp as a possible sympathizer and forced to knit balaclavas for our soldiers.

I wish people would leave interesting wrong-number messages on my machine more often.

[Elsien]

Granted, Upon many more messages on your machine it becomes full. (yep that is all, a full answering machine !! MUHAHAHA!!!)

I wish the person that posts next would only type the word "Granted".

[Synamon]

Granted.

Oh but I'm a dragon, not a person, so that sucks for you because trying to circumvent the 'Rules of the Corrupt a Wish' thread means you will be forced to continue to play this silly game for all eternity.


I wish I really was a dragon.

[Librorum]

Granted. You were a dragon, but because you didn't use the subjunctive that is all past now and you are human again.

I wish I had some salt and vinegar chips.

[Nikita]

Granted.

You have some, but they are inside of an indestructible bag that you can never open.

I wish it would snow.

[Elsien]

Granted. (Too bad you don't get 2 wishes because I am sure that you are going to want it to stop eventually.)

I wish I had a 10,000 piece puzzle that I could put together right now.

[Nikita]

Granted.

You have a 10,000 piece puzzle, unfortunately the pieces are all a nearly uniform color and none of the pieces fit together.

I wish it would stop snowing until next winter.

[Librorum]

Granted. The local snowboarders are so upset that they stage violent protests against global warming and set fire to every car they can find, including yours.

I wish it wasn't bedtime already.

[deicruxified]

granted... it's always may... always on heat wave...

i wish janis joplin's still alive

[Nikita]

Granted.

Unfortunately she gives up music for good, and refuses to compose or to perform for the remainder of her days.

I wish I could play the saxophone.

[Librorum]

Granted. But due to the war with Russia (see above) all metal is confiscated and your saxophone is melted down to make fighter jets.

I wish I had a better memory.

[Nikita]

Granted.

You never forget anything. Your brain is so crammed full of useless facts that you lose the ability to delineate between what is important and what is immaterial. You also become overly sensitive and paranoid in communication with others because you never forget a slight.

I wish that all materials were biodegradable.

[Elsien]

Granted. The Earth is now destroyed, it has all deteriorated away, thanks Nikita...

I wish Nikita didn't make her last wish.



WOOT 3%!

[Nikita]

Granted.

Nikita never discovered INTJf. (and here's where many members cheer, lol)

I wish I had an aloe plant.

[Lucid]

Granted.

Nikita never discovered INTJf. (and here's where many members cheer, lol)

I wish I had an aloe plant.

Granted; it's the one from Little Shop of Horrors. After wrestling the man-eating plant to the ground for some aloe, it occurs to you that you should have asked for a bactine plant for all those bites.

I wish I had someone to go sledding with today.

[Nikita]

Granted.

Guess what, the Yeti exists, enjoy your ride down the mountain with the abominable snowman! I hear he's hungry....

I wish I owned a piano.

[Lucid]

Granted.

Guess what, the Yeti exists, enjoy your ride down the mountain with the abominable snowman! I hear he's hungry....

I wish I owned a piano.

Granted; unfortunately, it's the piano from the Little Shop of... oh wait....

Granted; you learn all about the joys of having them moved.

I wish that my mother had not eaten the last piece of apple pie.

[Elsien]

Granted. Now that you still hold the last remaining piece of pie on the planet, mobs of apple pie lovers march towards your house with every weapon from pitchforks to AK-47's all wanting to eat the last piece of pie. However they quickly realize that there are many of them and only one piece of pie. Quickly this organized mob marching towards your doorstep turns into mass pandemonium, which quickly spreads throughout the world. World war 3 now ensues over the last piece of apple pie that went uneaten.

I wish I was an intangible wave.

[Librorum]

Granted. You soon impinge on a particle and are converted into kinetic energy, thus ending your existence.

I wish I had more daylight hours today.

[Nikita]

Granted.

You are transported to an uninhabited part of Iceland during its 24 hour daylight period without a passport, hope you like your new home.

I wish I could read minds.

[Librorum]

Granted. I don't need to elaborate because you already know what I'd say.

I wish I could find good recycled printer paper.

[Nikita]

Granted.

It's already covered in type, but it is very well-behaved as it sits there unused.

I wish I had an old fashioned typewriter that worked.

[Librorum]

Granted. The typewriter is infected with the spores of hemorrhagic aphalangosis (which is why the previous owner no longer needed it) and all your fingers become bloody stumps. You can still type with your nose, though.

I wish all the guns in the world were immediately and permanently made nonfunctional.

[releviau04]

Granted. You see a terrorist at a distance burying an IED and getting ready to detinate it to oncoming trucks and the only thing you had was your sons toy life sabor. Everyone is dead but that life sabor has really cool colors and realistic star wars noises.

I wish I could define the color red, with out using "the color of".

[rwyatt365]

Granted; but you phraseology is so obscure that no one pays attention to you, causing you to fall into a suicidal depression. You are then put into an insane asylum where the jumpsuits are all red...the color of...

I wish I had another thermos full of Chai tea.

[Elsien]

Granted. Although I super-glued it shut therefore you cannot drink the Chai.

I wish Dell had great hardware and used flawless drivers.

[Librorum]

Granted. Unfortunately Dell goes bankrupt in the financial meltdown, but the good news is Ford has retooled and will now make computers.

I wish it were two hours ago.

[Nikita]

Granted.

You're transported to the past of two hours ago, but the transmission is imprecise landing you in the middle of a busy highway. A semi speeding along at 85 mph makes you its new gooey hood ornament.

I wish I had a home studio.

[Librorum]

Granted. You quit your job to become an artist but no one likes your paintings of violent outer space imaginings and you go bankrupt and have to sell your house. The studio is a nice selling point, though.

I wish I lived in a nice warm straw bale house.

[Nikita]

Granted.

It's nice and warm, toasty even, and the flames engulfing it light up the night sky. Better get out while you can!

I wish I could test the waters of Shamanism.

[Librorum]

Granted. After popping some peyote you start talking with plants, realize that they have souls, and have to become a fruitarian.

I wish I had a telescope.

[Nikita]

Granted.

It's a state of the art telescope, but it broke in shipping and will cost upwards of $500,000 to repair. It was not insured.


I wish I weren't so tired.

[Librorum]

Granted. You become a bundle of energy, can't sleep, and drop dead of heart failure while climbing K2.

I wish Tyne Daly would adopt me.

[Nikita]

Granted.

Her heirs see you as a threat to their inheritance and dump your lifeless body into the Hudson River. Details of your demise remain at large.

I wish gravity would cease to exist.

[Librorum]

Granted. Whoops, there goes your skirt!! :wideeyed:

I wish bugs wouldn't land on my newly varnished shelves.

[Nikita]

Granted.

They fly into your open mouth instead.

I wish I could fly into the center of the sun and live to tell about it.

[Librorum]

Granted. Since your tale is incredible you are hospitalized and get to tell the whole story to a nice psychiatrist while you undergo shock therapy.

I wish it was Jan 20 already.

[Nikita]

Granted.

It is January 20, 3045. You are long since dead. I guess you should have specified a year.

I wish I had a set of brass knuckles.

[Librorum]

Granted. Unfortunately they are spotted by a traffic cop during a routine stop and you are arrested as a potential terrorist.

I wish the clouds would clear so could see the planetary conjunction.

[Nikita]

Granted.

The clouds clear at the precise time that Earth spins out of orbit. The planetary conjunction is the last thing you see before Earth hurtles into a random land mass in space and explodes.

I wish it weren't so freaking cold!

[Librorum]

Granted. Global warming accelerates wildly and tropical ants invade and consume our entire food supply.

I wish the government paid for PBS so they wouldn't have to have "pledge breaks."

[Nikita]

Granted.

Now, instead of pledge breaks to fund PBS there is a 2% tax increase to do so.

I wish I could live in the sun.

[Librorum]

Granted. Unfortunately you take a wrong turn at sunspot 86 and can't find your way back to your solar house so you wander aimlessly until the sun goes supernova (at which point you are blasted outwards and then sucked into the resulting black hole until the next Big Bang).

I wish I knew more about astronomy.

[Nikita]

Granted.

Astronomy is now all you know and you are incapable of having an intelligent conversation on any other topic.

I wish I were literally empathic.

[Reganon]

Granted.

Because of your new ability to empathize with others, you attract all of society's clingy and unsociable rejects. Have fun empathizing with all the world's creeps and complainers.

I wish I was less wasteful.

[Nikita]

Granted.

You compost everything you can including your own fecal matter. You contract giardiasis from your personally fertilized vegetable garden and live only to worship the porcelain throne.


I wish I had a microphone.

[Reganon]

Granted.

But but it is a magic microphone and amplifies what you are thinking, rather than what you are saying. Enjoy telling your boss what you REALLY think of his tie!

I wish I had caller ID

[Librorum]

Granted. However everyone else is using call block so you still can't see who's calling.

I wish I had a secretary.

[auriga vega]

Granted
But your secretary ends up stealing your position and you can never get it back.

I wish I could do better on public speaking.

[Nikita]

Granted.

You are now a full-time public speaker and give 4 speeches every day. You're bound to get better sooner or later. Until then, my tomato crop has increased production and is selling out like crazy.

I wish I could rapel down a mountain.

[Elsien]

Granted. However you have no arms or legs. have fun =D

I wish I could punch babies in the face and get away with it.





Elsien added to this post, 3 minutes and 58 seconds later...

AHH! Nikita is incognito!!! Be warned!

[Librorum]

Granted. Unfortunately you are a primary school teacher and in a few years have to face an entire classroom of horribly disfigured and brain-damaged kids and you kill yourself in horror and disgust at the world you have created.

I wish restaurants served more whole foods and not just processed crap.

[Nikita]

Granted.

Unfortunately it pecks a lot, gives your penis third degree burn blisters, and you contract bird flu. Was it good for you?

I wish the dog would behave.

[ssrprotege]

Granted.

The dog behaves well under another person (not you :p), and this person order the dog to bite you...it certainly did!

I wish the word "awesome" represents the traditional definition of the word "aw(e)ful" and vice versa.

[Hatsumomo1]

Wish granted.

Some few years in the future, the tyrannical overlord of the new world order declares that awesome will represent the traditional definition of awful and vice versa, which will be placed into effect immediately. Anyone not adhering to the rules will be severely punished. Unfortunately, you missed the news because you were too occupied with your own project. You used the word "awful" in it's traditional definition, and soon after, were seized by the SS and thrown in jail. You are now awaiting your execution.

I wish the walls in my room were painted light blue instead of peach.

[ssrprotege]

Granted. Now it is light blue - but only in the eyes of colour-blinds.

I wish I were O'Brien.

[Nikita]

Granted.

The Irish mob has a hit out on you. They find you. Then the police find you with a piano wire wrapped around your neck and a beer bottle shoved in your...well, you get the idea.

I wish I were immune to every disease past, present, and future.

[Hatsumomo1]

Wish granted.

You are the only one on earth immune to all diseases. Scientists are baffled, so they capture you for experimentation. Vivisection...not pleasant.

I wish I had my tablet PC by now.

[Nikita]

Granted.

It is in pieces and is coated in acid.


I wish I could transform myself into an animal at will.

[Librorum]

Granted. I hope you picked a good one because the wish only works once.

I wish I could find a good lip balm made without animal products.

[Nikita]

(yep, a phoenix!)

Granted.

The only such chapstick you can find is made with human babies.

I wish I could climb a cliff face without any equipment and without falling.

[Librorum]

Granted. But your potential goes unfulfilled because of an irrational fear of lichen.

I wish I didn't have to sleep for the rest of the year and could spend the time reading.

[Nikita]

Granted.

Too bad the only books available are Harlequin romance novels.


I wish I had a Room of Requirement.

[dalidaisy]

Granted... But the first requirement is that you must be a man to enter...

I wish I could wiggle my nose & my house would be clean...

[ssrprotege]

Granted. You wiggled your nose, AND the house became clean, except that your nose can no longer do what it was supposed to do.

I wish I didn't have to sleep to survive.

[Elsien]

Granted, however lack of sleep starts to make you hallucinate, causing you to go on a killing spree, just seconds before committing suicide.

I wish I had a real life lightsaber.

[Librorum]

Granted. Whoops! There goes your leg! Perhaps you should have practiced with a wooden one first.

I wish foam brushes didn't leave bubbles in the paint.

[Liason]

granted, they are magically transported into your brain, so either stop ever person from painting or your skull will explode with the newfound air-pressure build up.

I wish I could not get sick(in a non dead state)

[Nikita]

Granted.

A breakout of multiple plagues strikes dead everyone you love and moves on to exterminate mankind entirely, with the exception of you. Your INTJ heart is actually happy about this until you're trampled in a stampede of elephants, rhinos, and hippos. The bloody paste that was you provides healthful nibblings for flies, maggots, and other little creatures who are happy to find meat immune to all disease.


I wish I would stop throwing up.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

It all backs up until it explodes out your navel, propelling you backwards and out of the bathroom stall. Through the window and out onto the street. Your body caves in on itself from the extreme peristaltic flow and you get caught in an errant breeze. Subsequently end up hanging from the antenna of a passing semi tractor trailer. Everyone see you flapping in the breeze and your body becomes the model for the next redneck vehicle accoutrement that outdoes truck nutz in the first month.

I wish I had a secret lab with all sorts of cool gadgets in the Andes mountains somewhere.

[Nikita]

Granted.

One of your experiments goes badly wrong with the result that you render your mountain into a pile of dust and you suffocate in the ashes unknown and unremembered.


I wish I had a bevy of pet snakes.

[ClydeB]

You put a webcam of your snakes up as a link on your fangbook.com account. They become the next pet craze to watch now that those dogs on the puppy cam have gotten too old. You ride on their coattails and become another famous for being famous celebrity, ending up Paris Hilton's new BFF. Getting into all the hot clubs and meeting all those hot hunky celebrities.

You run into Brad Pitt one night and he is so taken with you that he puts his arm around your neck in a friendly hug and starts giving you noogies. Only thing is his arm keeps getting tighter and tighter around your neck. It gets so painful that you wake up and realize its all just a dream. You stay conscious and alive just long enough to realize it's not Brad Pitt's arm. Its one of your snakes that's wrapped around your neck choking you to death.

I wish I was a lumberjack!

[Nikita]

Granted.

You are a newfangled piece of equipment handy for ratcheting up large pieces of lumber. Enjoy your metallic prison.


I wish I had a pet monkey.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

Your new pet monkey Toto comes with a vest, hat and a little box that plays music when he turns the crank. He starts to turn the crank and the box plays the first segment of The Liberty Bell by John Phillip Sousa. You hum along to it since its so catchy, but wonder "where have I heard this before?" You start to say "Hey! its that theme from Mon.." when a enormous foot appears right above your head and squashes you flat with a loud "pthththththththth" sound.

And your little monkey Toto too. :cheesy:


I wish I had a grilled ham and cheese on rye with a side of german potato salad.

[auriga vega]

Granted
However, that is the only meal you will ever eat for the rest of your life.

I wish I had a pencil that can turn my drawing into reality.

[Synapse]

Granted, but one of your "benevolent" creations ends up coming to life a la Frankenstein and kills its creator.

I wish I had a book right now.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

Your book is titled "To Serve Man". Its a cookbook!


I wish I knew what the sound of 3.14159 hands clapping was.

[Reganon]

Granted.

It is the INFERNAL HALF-CIRCLE OF DEATH. All who bear witness to its madness go insane- mainly you-

I wish I had learned geometry from a competent math teacher.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

Unfortunately the competent math teacher is hard of hearing and thought you wanted to learn about Geo Metro's. So he transferred you to auto shop class.

I wish there were more hours in the day.

[Nikita]

Granted.

There are two more hours in the day, and three less hours in the night.

I wish I could go to Italy tomorrow.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

You wake up to find you're the newest resident of Italy, Texas.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Welcome to the City of Italy. We are located at the junction of U.S. Highway 77 and State Highway 34, just off Interstate 35E, approximately 15 miles south of Waxahachie and 20 miles north of Hillsboro.
YE HAW!

I wish I knew if Sarah Palin was related to Michael Palin.

[rwyatt365]

Granted; You do...and now we have to kill you.

I wish people would stop emailing me and just have a feaking meeting to talk about this problem.

[Nikita]

Granted.

The meeting turns into a month long summit at which your attendance is mandatory and entirely hush hush. Your friends and family put out notices about your disappearance and a statewide manhunt concludes that you've perished. No one attends your funeral because they decide it's just not worth getting worked up over.


I wish my head would clear up.

[Librorum]

Granted. Your head is so clear you are no longer capable of rational thought and you just sit and wonder at the beauty of the dust motes floating around you.

I wish I could be magically transported to the art store with a $100 gift certificate in my hand.

[rwyatt365]

Granted; Unfortunately, the gift certificate is for Beds, Baths & Beyond...and it expired yesterday.

I wish that my MP3 player battery life was infinte.

[ClydeB]

Granted

Your MP3 player battery is now immortal and will live forever. And it won't take a charge anymore.

I wished my inside of the eggshell egg scrambler actually worked as advertised.

[Nikita]

Granted.

Unfortunately it has a defect causing it to inject anthrax into the egg and you die a painful death upon eating your perfectly scrambled egg.

I wish I had more wishes.

[ClydeB]

Granted!

You only have to go to the intjforum web site and submit them to the "corrupt a wish" thread for them to be processed.

I wish I had a wireless chip in my head that let me directly access the internet.

[Nikita]

Granted.

It also lets viruses directly access you, and you forgot to install an anti-virus program. Suddenly you're a succession of blinking colored lines that fade into the blue screen of death.


I wish I had a pet lion that would never hurt me.

[Rider]

Granted!

Alas, your family and all those close to you are mauled and digested.

I wish I could melt things with my eyes.

[Nikita]

Granted.

You melt your computer, your loved ones, and your...manhood. Better close your eyes before you're nothing but a pair of eyes rolling around on the ground melting themselves into an asphalt grave.


I wish I had a warmer blanket.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

You and you new lion go out to the farm to let him stretch his legs and engage in some lighthearted predator/prey antics. The lion catches himself a calf and revels in the taste of some young beef. Then comes back, jumps up on you and licks your face. Getting you and your clothes all bloody from the slaughter. Unfortunately for you both, your pet lion found the only cow that had Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy on the entire North American continent. Condemning you both to a slow lingering loss of both mental faculties and motor skills. Then death.

I wish I had not been eating British beef in the late 1980s when mad cow first hit the news.





ClydeB added to this post, 3 minutes and 12 seconds later...

Granted

Your friend with the eyes that can melt things tried to warm your blanket for you. Subsequently burning down the house and killing you both. But you passed out from the toxic fumes off the blanket before then. So it didn't hurt so much.

I wish I could get a really good comeback out quicker before others jump in first.

[Rider]

::laughs and thinks you are both very clever::

[Librorum]

Granted. You didn't eat beef during the mad cow epidemic and so have the mental acuity to get in your wish corruptions sooner than everyone else. Unfortunately they are so awesome, I mean, awful, that you are hounded out of the forum and shunned by all INTJs and are doomed to wander the earth alone with no one to understand your twisted sense of humour.

I wish it wouldn't snow until next week.

[Nikita]

Granted.

You get hit by a bus tomorrow and die. Now it doesn't matter when it snows.

I wish I had more Caffeine Free Diet Coke.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

You get exactly what you ask for. Only in the convenient tanker truck super size. The brakes go out on the semi during delivery and it crashes into your house, turning you into a quadriplegic. The doctors do however honor your request to put that stuff into your IV bottle as its got as much calories and sugar as water. Only with worst taste.

I wish I could find the one incorruptible wish and confound everyone with it. :wiseguy:

[Nikita]

Granted.

Unfortunately I post it first and you're confounded along with everyone else.

I wish for universal and world peace.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

Very molecule and atom everywhere comes to a screeching halt. Maximum entropy for everything is achieved at once. Congratulations on extinguishing all of creation with your wish.
May the universe and the world rest in peace.

I wish that Horton couldn't hear a who.

[Nikita]

:evil: I like


Granted.

Horton cannot hear a who, but he hears you. He tucks you away into his big floppy ear and you subsist on earwarx and mites.

I wish I had a penny.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

You hear a loud POP sound and feel something hits the top your head. You catch your new 100% copper penny. Five seconds later you hear a loud POP sound and feel something hit the top your head again. You catch another new 100% copper penny. Five seconds later you hear a loud POP sound again and feel something hit the top your head a third time. You catch a new 100% copper penny again.

Seems there's a bug in the system. The wish is stuck on a five second loop. With no sign of ever stopping.

I wish I could get a good nights sleep for once.

[Nikita]

Granted.

And it will only happen once. After your one blissful night you lose the ability to sleep. Driven mad by your extreme insomnia you tear out your eyes with a spoon and eat them because you had convinced yourself that if only you could see inside yourself you would finally understand the mystery of the human body.

I wish I could ride a unicorn.

[rahdam]

Granted. You are gored and impaled by a Unicorn, who then takes off running. You ride the Unicorn until death overtakes you.

I wish ... I wish some things in life were easier to forsee.

[auriga vega]

Granted.
The things that are easier to forsee are the weather, only.

I wish it was snowing.

[rwyatt365]

Granted; It is snowing now, and forever. In fact, all of the snow from the entire planet is deposited daily in your immediate vicinity. People begin to avoid you, and the governor of the state issues a proclimation that you be banned to the Artic.

I wish that people would stop complaining.

[Librorum]

Granted. Instead they just cry silently, and their tears coat every horizontal surface. One day you slip on the wet floor, crack your head, end up paralyzed, and wish with all your heart that you could complain.

I wish I had mailed my Christmas cards earlier.

[rwyatt365]

Granted; You mailed your Christmas cards last February! But everyone thought that you were just late from the previous Christmas and sent them all back.

I wish I had a nice glass of sherry right now.

[Liason]

granted. *gives you mine*

I wish I could live with my dad who's income is over 125g T^T

[Freedom Geek]

Granted but you don't get a cent of it.
I wish for all wishes I make including this one to be granted as I intend.

[Liason]

the hell?
your killing it!!

I wish for a battalion of red aliens

[ClydeB]

Granted.

You find yourself attacked by a group of red headed fellas here illegally from Scotland. Once they are finished with you. They move on to "I wish for all wishes I make including this one to be granted as I intend." thread killer and administer a beatdown there too. Freedom Geek is never right in the head again after that and only thinks he's asking for wishes as he intends them to be. But they come out corrupt in the first place. Saving the rest of us the effort.

I wish I were Dexter in my secret laboratory.

[Harmony]

Granted.

The government discovers your secret laboratory and forces you to do work for them. When you revolt they lock you in a cage like a lab rat or make you run through the maze!

I wish my allergy problems would all go away!

[ClydeB]

Granted

You wake up in the morning and all your allergies are gone. Along with your car, your valuables, your I.D and your ATM card. There's a letter on the refrigerator saying they are tired of you always putting them down, that you never understood their feelings and other rambling emo dross. Ending with a "We are running away and NEVER coming back!"
Unfortunately they are caught a few days later trying to smuggle some hydrocortisone across state lines and are arrested. The car is impounded, the money, valuables and I.D. are gone. And the judge just gives them probation and sends them back home to live with you. You find out a few months later that your I.D. was sold to some Al Qaeda terrorists when your house gets raided by homeland security. You get carted off to Guantanamo Bay and are never heard from again.


I wish Bruce Campbell would become an A list actor.

[Nikita]

Granted.

The A list is the new D list, and you have to go quad-A to even get a bite in this town.


I wish I enjoyed the Comedy Channel more than I do.

[rahdam]

Granted. You become addicted to the comedy channel. While your mind may grow, your body slowly withers, and your mind-body duality is lost. You grow overweight, weighed down by your own entertainment.

I wish I was not tired right now!

[ClydeB]

Granted.

You are no longer tired. You are in fact a very expensive tireless car that is sitting up on blocks in a very bad part of town. The local indigenous population is starting to strip you for parts. And you can still feel every part of you just like you were human.

I wish that only good things would happen to good people.

[Melaphaisar]

Granted.

However since good and evil are totally subjective. The governor of Illinois appoints himself to the Senate, is found not guilty of corruption. Meanwhile, an aid shipment from the Red Cross becomes tainted with polonium and several hundred starving Africans suffer horrifying deaths from radiation poisoning.

I wish that separation of church and state actually existed.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

Separation of church and state now exists, in you! You have had an epiphany that your mission is to take the message to the people! Hallelujah brother.
First stop, the beautiful country of Myanmar.

I wish I was a fly on the wall sometimes.

[Nikita]

Granted.

Though the fly swatter has missed you this time, you soon grow weary of your feast of bird droppings and go full on kamikaze into a jug of milk before the unsuspecting lid is replaced.


I wish I knew my future.

[auriga vega]

Granted.
You see that you will die by next week. You are now going crazy trying to stop it from happening. The people around you are afraid of you now, so they drag you to an asylum, where you will end up killing yourself the next week.

I wish I had a pair of glasses that can let me see other people's MBTI.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

You find yourself a pair of rose colored glasses at the local antique store. You try them on and see peoples MBTI score above their head just like in that roast beef commercial. Before you can do more than note the owner of the store is an INFP you start to hear the music Ride of the Valkyries. It starts getting louder and LOUDER. Then something comes through the front window, explodes with a loud bang, bright flash, and lots of smoke. Your last recollection is of men dressed in black with gas masks on coming at you from all sides. Then you pass out.

You wake up in a small gray cinder block cell and hear two people talking through a small hole in the wall, the only opening, no doors or windows at all. One person says when they got there they found you with the glasses on. The other person says we can't let it out how we really type people. You realize you're in the basement of the Myer-Briggs institute and that the questionnaires are so much smoke and mirrors to make money. But by that time the last hole has been bricked over and no one can hear you scream.

I wish my Visa card would always magically be paid off each month.

[Librorum]

Granted. Your Visa card is magically paid off each month by Rod Blagojevich in exchange for your services as go between him and various parties interested interested in representing Illinois in the US Senate. Your name is uncovered during the investigation and Blagojevich's lawyers succeed in pinning everything on you and you get 15 years in the slammer, during which you have to pay off your Visa debts by riding an electricity-generating bicycle (part of the new green economy) for ten mind-numbingly boring hours a day.

I wish I had a gardener.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

Your at a bar one night and someone buys you a drink. Last thing you remember is thinking 'that guy's got a lot of dirt under his fingernails." You wake up in a strange bed next to the drink guy. He says he really had a lot of fun plowing your field but he has to leave for work at the arboretum, here's my number, call me sometime. Then leaves.

I wish the holidays would hurry up and be over already.

[Librorum]

Granted. The holidays go by so fast that no one has time to shop, half of all businesses have to declare bankruptcy, you lose your job in the downstream effects, and we are plunged into a depression worse than the last one. On the bright side, people didn't have a chance to overeat so there is a slight drop in diabetes and heart attacks.

I wish my car didn't look like this:
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

[Reganon]

Granted:

Now it looks like this:

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


I wish it were winter break already.

[Nikita]

Granted.

It's the last night of it. Too bad you missed the rest.

I wish the scratching and creaking on my window would stop.

[Nihilum]

I wish the scratching and creaking on my window would stop.

Granted. The cat scratching and pushing on your window just fell off and died.

I wish I had control over time and space.

[Nikita]

(ooo goody! ma, fetch the vittles, we eatin' guud tomorruh!) :p

Granted.

You have control over one time, 5 o'clock a.m. eastern standard time, but can only use a barbie clock to wield your amazing powers. But this is a one time deal. Unwittingly, you allow your batteries to die thus breaking the magical bond. Your control over space is limited to your personal space, which consists of a 12 inch radius surrounding your body. Your sole form of control allows you only to temporarily change the color of anything that falls within that sphere of space. Once people or objects exit that sphere they return to normal. Cool powers.


I wish I could watch Sartre, Nietzsche, Osama Bin Laden, and Billy Graham have a theological "discussion".

[ClydeB]

Granted

You find yourself the host of "The minutiae of The Bill Cosby Show". Your guests are Sartre, Nietzsche, Osama Bin Laden, and Billy Graham. Today's topic. Theodore "Theo" Huxtable, played by Malcolm-Jamal Warner. In season 3 episode 6 was Theo logical or lazy when he decided to not get a part time job to pay for flight lessons? Nietzsche, your thoughts?

I wish I could take tomorrow from work off with no repercussions.

[Nihilum]

Granted. You ended up quitting your job.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

Congratulations. You just got the one wish that was not corrupted in any way! You can now look forward to... Wait, whats this? You did not actually ask for anything? Well shucks. You completely blew that one. The wish just goes poof and disappears.

I wish that shoe had actually connected.

[Librorum]

Granted. The shoe connected with Nuri al-Maliki who is so enraged that he throws the entire Iraqi press in jail, declares himself dictator, institutes a civil war against Sunni Iraqis, and colludes with Iran to produce nuclear weapons which are eventually fired at India and Israel prompting a nuclear response from the US and then Russia gets involved and a general nuclear holocaust ensues. At least the nuclear winter cancels out global warming.

I wish someone would shovel my driveway.

[Nikita]

Granted.

Ted Bundy will get right on that.

I wish it weren't icy outside.

[Harmony]

Granted.

Lava has now melted all the ice and is slowly working on melting everything else in sight... Yeah go ahead and put those flip flops on now...

I wish I could bring my cat to work.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

You bring your cat to work with you. In a brown bag.
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Along with some ginger, wasabi, a side of mixed vegetables, and a fruit cup.

I wish the word CLUE was a word in my coworkers dictionary.

[Harmony]

Granted. However, the only definition they found for CLUE was the board game. So now all day long all you hear is them trying to figure out who did it!

I wish it was the week of Christmas so I could have the office to myself...

[rwyatt365]

Granted; you have the office to yourself, and it is Christmas week. Drunk with power and confused by the lack of co-workers, you stumble head first into the collator of the copying machine where you are separated into very neat piles of 8.5 x 11 hunks of flesh.

I wish that my "new snow-tire mojo" will divert the upcoming snowstorm.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

Before you can test it out. Dr. Evil steals your snow-tire "mojo". You have to go to his hidden moon base and get it back. And along the way stop him from firing his big "laser" and blowing up the earth. Of course you get distracted by Felicity Shagwell and fail to prevent the earth from blowing up. The snow storm is not only diverted, but stopped in its tracks.

I wish I had a flying car.

[Nikita]

Granted.

You drive it off a cliff excited to soar. And you fly all the way to the ground. You didn't say the flight had to be extended....


I wish I had a fireplace.

[Reganon]

Granted.

But since it is your first winter with one, you accidentally incinerate Santa and destroy Christmas as we know it.

I wish I didn't have to deal with annoying people.

[Nikita]

(burn, lobster man!)

Granted.

You are lobotomized. Now you don't have to deal with anything except drooling.

I wish I had a big soft bed.

[Reganon]

Granted.

But you have to share it with a family of ill tempered gorillas. And did I mention they don't like people who snore?

I wish I were impervious to pain.

[Nikita]

(ha i don't snore)

Granted.

Unfortunately, you're also completely paralyzed and are not impervious to knives, which are used to slice you into about a million little pieces with your full awareness of the act. You do make lovely fish bait, though.


I wish I had a pet gorilla.

[Reganon]

Granted.

But your significant other falls in love with him, and they both end up moving out without you.

I wish I never had to pay bills

[Nikita]

Granted.

You never have to pay bills. Instead, you can be homeless and hunted by the federal government.


I wish I were fluent in Arabic.

[Reganon]

Granted.

But your recent Arabic activites have sparked the interest of none other than the federal government and Ann Coulter(eeeeeww). Fancy another trip to Guantanamo Bay?

I wish commercial airplanes had absolutely no chance of crashing.

[Nikita]

(lol "another"? :stunned:)

Granted.

They also have no chance of flying. I hope you like boats, trains, and automobiles. You have single-handedly destroyed the airline industry.


I wish I had ice water.

[Reganon]

Granted.

Unfortunately it is your only posession. Drink it slowly.

I wish I were capable of showing affection.

[Nikita]

Granted.

You can't stop. You do a mindflip and suddenly you just can't live unless you're an ESFP. You hug everyone and everything. Eventually, you end up saddled with more children than you know what to do with, but no one to love you because your affection is just too freely given.

I wish I could burn off some of this energy.

[Reganon]

Granted.

100 jumping jacks later, you realize you've wasted 1.473 minutes of your life and 23.475 calories that could have been used towards... ANYTHING ELSE

I wish I didn't exercise so much

[Nikita]

(jumping jacks are fun, lol)

Granted.

Instead, you drink beer. You could fix a flat with that spare tire!

I wish my brain could store as much information as the world's biggest supercomputer.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

Your brain now has that storage capacity. And did not grow in size (too easy). Unfortunately what you gained in capacity you lost in accessibility. You find yourself cut off from all external stimuli. No more 5 senses. All you have to keep you company is the song One from Metallica running through your head. "Darkness, imprisoning me..."

I wish when people tell me "I just want it to work" they could actually explain what they consider working. I'm not a fricken mind reader.

[Librorum]

Granted. Now people know exactly what they want but they demand such advanced functions that you are unable to help them and you are eventually replaced by a 14-year-old who looks like Doogie Howser.

I wish I could snap my fingers and my tires would have chains on them.

[Nikita]

Granted

They are armored with chain maille 360 degrees. That will make for interesting transit....

I wish I could play.

[Reganon]

Granted

But with great fun comes great stupidity.

I wish the sky were green.

[Nikita]

Granted.

You've died and gone to hell and in hell the sky is green, while the ground is red, and the people are silver and gold. The Devil has a sense of humor.


I wish I could have music playing in my life like a soundtrack.

[Reganon]

Granted

You have an entire pit orchestra to follow you around EVERYWHERE you go. I can't wait to hear their interpretation of your conversations with Rahdam

I wish I could dance

[Nikita]

(LOL!)

Granted.

You can physically dance. Unfortunately, you dance like a combination of Elaine and a wood chipper.

I wish I were sleeping.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

You are sleeping. This is all a dream. You wake up to the reality that your one of the teletubbies.

I wish I was a trust fund baby.

[Nikita]

Granted.

It seems like you already are one. They don't know the difference between "your" and "you're" either.


I wish I could control my dreams.

[Reganon]

Granted.

Unfortunately, you run out of good material after a few months and spend the rest of your life dreaming reruns.

I wish cars didn't run on gasoline

[ClydeB]

Granted.

Your car now runs on Clinique Happy for men (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.). Only $47.50 for 3.4oz.

I wish my body didn't ache so much from the flu.

[Nikita]

Granted.

Your body now aches from being hit by a Hummer at 50 mph.


I wish I could turn off INTJf and go to BED!

[rwyatt365]

Granted; You turn off INTJf and the forum is really mad because you were so mean, so it packs up it's bags and leaves for the French Foreign Legion. Thank a lot! :irked:

I wish people weren't so petty.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

The people of Dellview NC. Population 11 are now no longer petty. Really warms your heart the power of that wish.

I wish I had a jacuzzi.

[Librorum]

Granted. Sadly you drop your ipod into the water which electrocutes your eardrums, and while you are driving to the hospital you don't hear the fire engine coming and are t-boned by a ladder truck and ejected through your windshield into the burning building and succumb to the flames.

I wish there was a new episode of Doc Martin every day.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

Jeannie the ditsy djinn hears your request and obe.. Oh, my gawd! I love those shoes! I have two pair in hot pink and white! A tv show about shoes! Oh how TRIFF! I can come by every day and watch it with you! We can sit around and talk stuff and be BFF's forever! I was just saying the other day to my friend Tiff that Lucy had heard from Latishea that she saw Nikita wearing something that was SOOOooo yesterdays look...

I wish that I have a drama free visit with my relatives this christmas.

[Harmony]

Granted. However, now your relatives come for a drama filled day on every day except the holidays!

I wish I didn't have to pay for my lunch today.

[ClydeB]

Granted

You get an invite to a free lunch on the Star of Louisville (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.). Lovely meal, great company. Unfortunately it gets caught in a freak undertow and ends up going over the falls. All hands lost.

I wish the weather would make up its mind.

[Harmony]

Granted. It has now decided that Mondays are now Monsoon Mondays, Tuesdays are Tornado Tuesdays, Wednesdays are Wind Storm Wednesdays, Thursday are Tsunami Thursdays, Fridays are F'in Hot Fridays, Saturdays are Stormy Saturdays, and Sundays are Sunny Sundays!

I wish I didn't need contacts/glasses to see...

[ClydeB]

Granted.

You can now see clearly. Too clearly. Your eyes now only see in the x-ray range. Everyone starts looking a bit bony to you.

I wish I had a perpetual motion machine.

[Reganon]

Granted.

But the police hunt you down for disobeying the law... of conservation of energy

I wish pencils came pre-sharpened

[Nikita]

Granted.

They're all so sharp and fragile that they break down to the wood at the slightest pressure.


I wish I could sleep in tomorrow. :cry:

[Franklin71]

Granted.

You're in a coma.

I wish I could travel the world.

[Reganon]

(Me too- especially since my break officially starts today)
Granted.

You sleep until noon. And now you feel like a useless bum for not having done anything with the first few hours of your day.

I wish I were a vegetarian

gosh darn it- too slow

[Franklin71]

Granted.

Scientists learn that vegetables scream silently whenever you bite into them.

I wish I could read minds.

[ClydeB]

Granted

You can now read minds. Of any squirrel within 50 yards of you. It ends up driving you nuts.

I wish I my resume was more impressive.

[Reganon]

Granted.

It sure does impress people how you managed to be convicted of two felons and three misdemeanors in one go.

I wish I were nicer

[Franklin71]

Granted.

Everyone asks you for money.

I wish I had a job where I didn't have to work nights.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

Nothing changes. Its daytime somewhere in the world. Suck it up.

I wish TV stations would stop playing their commercials at the exact same time.

[Harmony]

Granted.

Instead of playing commercials at the exact same time they now run infomercials at the exact same time.... You can only take so much of Billy Mays...

I wish I could go back to bed...

[ClydeB]

Granted.

The 800 pound gorilla graciously allows you to share your bed with him.

I wish I could afford to keep the house at a higher temperature.

[Reganon]

Granted.

You are now affluent enough to set the thermostat up to 85- and live in Europe! Unfortunately, you fail to realize that there, the temperature is in degrees Celsius, and you end up melting in your mansion.

I wish I could jump ten feet in the air.

[Librorum]

Granted. You jump once, land awkwardly and shatter both of your ankles. The doctors say you will be able to walk again, with the help of canes and braces.

I wish I had a heavy duty snow blower.

[Nikita]

Granted.

You now have a hooker by the name of Hoover.


I wish I had a hot tub.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

You wake up and just know that Santa brought you what you wanted. You get up and rush out to see what it is. This is what you find.Barbie Hot Tub Party Bus Vehicle
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There's nothing like a good house party — and Barbie and her friends take their parties on the road. This festive RV bus keeps playtime rolling! The living room features an entertainment center with a flat-screen TV, a spinning driver's chair, and a sofa that opens into a bed. There's even a second pull-down bed for party guests to snooze in. Best of all, the hot tub in the back keeps Barbie's friends warm and toasty.

* The kitchen area includes a refrigerator, a microwave oven, a built-in sink, and a pull-down dinette table
* The bathroom is equipped with a toilet and a built-in sink
* The back of the motor home is equipped with a fabulous hot tub that lights up and plays fun party music
* Requires three "AA" batteries, not included (No batteries! Oh the horror!)

I wish I was getting an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle (BB Gun) with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time for christmas.

[Wapiti]

Granted but you shoot your eyes out, both of them and the last thing you remember seeing was the time.

I wish I had full size doors on the jeep.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

You now have two full size two car garage doors on the passenger side of your jeep. You get crappy handling while driving and lots of weird looks from passers by. You end up fixing it by getting one of those "It's a jeep thing, you wouldn't understand" stickers and slapping on your vehicle.

I wish Christmas was not so good at dragging up bad memories.

[Reganon]

Granted.

Christmas is no longer good at dragging up bad memories- it's now even better at creating them!

I wish the stray cats outside my parents' house weren't freezing to death in this ten degree weather

[Zzyber]

granted

They are now immortal and will just freeze over and over again.

I wish I knew how to try and not try to over control a situation involving Caroline.

[ClydeB]

Granted

Now you know. Those darn Caroling fools at the front door won't know what hit them. Huh, whats that? What do you mean E not G?

I wish I knew wtf Kwanzaa was.

[Librorum]

Granted. You lay off and Caroline spins out of control, ends up going on a killing spree, and you are lambasted in the media for not doing anything to stop her.

I wish that people who acted true to type would accept that they typical.

Edit: Gaaaah! Too late!

[Reganon]

Granted.

But now you're the only one who does, so you get to spend the rest of the holiday season explaining it to everyone else.

I wish my family didn't always treat me like I'm the youngest

[Librorum]

Granted. Your mother has a late miracle baby which your family goes wild over and who attracts media attention and you are ignored for the rest of your life.

I wish the snow would melt so I can get to church on Christmas Eve.

[ClydeB]

Granted.

The snow melts. But the church is only letting regulars (tithers) in. So you get to look through the window at the pretty ceremony.

I wish I didn't get skipped over ;)

[Reganon]

Granted.

Now you get skipped under

I wish I could have a moment of peace

[Librorum]

Granted. You experience a moment of profound quite and peacefulness when you step into the bank vault to collect some papers from your safety deposit box but then the automatic door closes and you realize you are sealed in for the duration of the holidays and will run out of oxygen before the bank re-opens.

I wish the snow would melt so I could access civilization again.

[Reganon]

Granted.

It turns out that, while you were cut off from civilization, a team of highly trained ninja monkeys destroyed everything else in existence.

I wish I had no fear of bugs

[ClydeB]

Granted.

Your fear has done a 180. You are now afraid of everything but bugs. This should turn out well.

I wish software upgrades would go the way they should.

[Reganon]

Granted.

Unfortunately the manufacturers think software upgrades SHOULD be more pricey.

I wish my headphones wouldn't get tangled

[Librorum]

Granted. You get wireless headphones for Christmas and never have to worry about tangled cords again. Unfortunately they turn out to cause brain cancer and you are dead in 5 years.

I wish I was always as organized as I was today.

[Franklin71]

Granted.

You're trapped in amber.

I wish I could find the time to write my book.

[Reganon]

Granted.

You find it and squander it on drugs and internet poker

I wish I didn't constantly feel the need to edit my posts

Edit: that is the wrong posts, of course:)

[Nikita]

Granted.

You suddenly stop caring about grammar, diction, and syntax altogether. The other INTJs, however, cannot accept the new stupid you and you are banned from the forum on sheer principle. The stress of your real life overtakes you as you now have nowhere to vent properly and you develop a rare case of trichotillomania.


I wish I had 2 more pillows on my bed.

[Zhen]

Granted. The home intruder who visits you tonight will be able to smother you more quickly so your final moments are less drawn out.

I wish my mozzie bites would stop itching and disappear from sight.

[Nikita]

Granted.

They stop itching and internalize. In the process of turning inward, they open and leak toxins into your bloodstream. You go into anaphylactic shock and die.


I wish I had a good book with me.