Sex and Gender

[AnandaMeansBliss]

I was told by a woman recently:

"Sex is different for girls than guys."

No evidence was given for the comment.

Please share your opinions.

[coffeeloverfreak]

That's the stereotype that girls view sex more emotionally (i.e. a true love connection with someone special). Guys stereotypically view sex as its own end, and try to pursue it with as many people as possible.

But that's based on a real generalization of men and women, and there are so many different kinds of men and women out there that it can't be seen as self-evident.

However, there are societal pressures based on gender constructs to try to encourage guys and girls to think in the stereotypical ways about sex. A woman who pursues meaningless sex with many partners is a "slut" or a "whore", while a man who does the same is a "stud". Women are encouraged to be modest, demure, to "save themselves" for marriage or someone special, and are told that "losing" their virginity is like "giving up" something. Men are told that they should "get some", that sex is something they "gain".

The nature camp of the nature-versus-nurture debate will argue that there are evolutionary reasons for this; men are seeking many mates to "spread their seed" and women are seeking the security of a life mate or provider. Maybe there's some truth to that, who knows? But I've known enough men who were "woman-like" when it comes to sex, and enough women who were "man-like" (think Samantha in Sex and the City) to know that it's never that simple.

[JTG]

Sex is very different for girls than for guys, but i think societal standards are off.

For example, the conception that girls aren't as horny as guys, or that they don't enjoy sex as much is definitely false. I know several girls who have to nag to get it, cause their men can't keep up.

[coffeeloverfreak]

For example, the conception that girls aren't as horny as guys, or that they don't enjoy sex as much is definitely false. I know several girls who have to nag to get it, cause their men can't keep up.

Nah, that's just what we women like to let you men believe, because it gives us power. ;)

[Santana28]

nope, not at all. when i have an itch, i scratch it. but guys are certainly capable (and actually, from my experience more likely to) get in emotionally over their head in a relationship.

the only difference i can think of are the stereotypical classifications that go along with females having multiple, casual sex partners - females are more conscious and considerate of avoiding those kind of social stigmas, while guys take it as a badge of honor for the most part.

[JTG]

You should meet my ex D: She not only had (and maintained) several sexual relationships, she was very against being open or honest about them, and would not hesitate to lie or fight to hide her secrets. I eventually left her because it became clear that monogamy was not going to happen, haha.

[Santana28]

You should meet my ex D: She not only had (and maintained) several sexual relationships, she was very against being open or honest about them, and would not hesitate to lie or fight to hide her secrets. I eventually left her because it became clear that monogamy was not going to happen, haha.

i've had and maintained multiple sexual relationships at the same time... i was always 100% open and honest about what i was doing and why. if they wanted to be with me, then they could accept that - or not. their choice. its unfair to deny anyone the right of making a choice for themselves - and hiding things is denying them the information needed to make a proper choice.

[ElstonGunn]

"To a woman, sex is like the garbage man. You just take it for granted that whenever you put some trash on the curb, some guy in a jumpsuit is going to come along and pick it up."

[AnandaMeansBliss]

So does anyone think that sex is inherently different for women? Is there a psychological or physiological reason to back up the statement that sex is different for girls? Or is it mainly a socialization explanation? because that is what I am hearing.

[Santana28]

So does anyone think that sex is inherently different for women? Is there a psychological or physiological reason to back up the statement that sex is different for girls? Or is it mainly a socialization explanation? because that is what I am hearing.

none at all, except that maybe it hurts more for us sometimes ;)

[med2006]

According to documentaries I have seen on human sexuality, studies have shown that orgasms release oxytocin - the pair bonding hormone. Oxytocin is also released when women are nursing. So maybe women are a little less likely to but not incapable of multiple sex partners concurrently (I am not talking about a ménage a trois).

Are we physically capable of being as randy as men? Of course we are. But society prevents us from satisfying the itch in the same manner as men. In my opinion I think this is why the friends with benefits arrangements is so prevalent.

Interesting side note, I have seen news reports that suggest that women are more likely to have extra marital affairs than men. Maybe because their marriages are not as emotionally and physically intimate as they would like. But if it is true that more women cheat than men it would suggest that women are capable of having meaningless sex. I would imagine that some of these women are cheating strictly for the sex.

On a lighter note here are video clips from two comedians on the differences between men and women.

Here is a hilarious description of the differences between men and women by Monique Marvez from the Latin Divas of Comedy aired on Showtime Network. She is not necessarily talking about INTJ women but she is hilarious.

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Here are a couple of other links to equally funny clips by Mark Gungor.

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

[quentin]

In my experience there is no difference. These are social constructs. Females pretend to drift in one direction and males pretend to push themselves in the opposite direction, but not so deep down most men and women want the same thing. Promiscuity for promiscuity's sake - only very few people actually want that, and in my experience, just as many women as men pursue that lifestyle. We are not that different. I could be a womanizing man-whore if I chose to actively pursue that lifestyle, but....that does not really suit my personality. Plenty of other guys that I know do pursue that lifestyle, and I'm not that judgemental about it -- it's just no me, not at all. I have no respect for how many women a man has "conquered" -- the guys that I genuinely respect are those who have stayed faithful with one woman for a long-term relationship.

[AnandaMeansBliss]

According to documentaries I have seen on human sexuality, studies have shown that orgasms release oxytocin - the pair bonding hormone. Oxytocin is also released when women are nursing. So maybe women are a little less likely to but not incapable of multiple sex partners concurrently (I am not talking about a ménage a trois).

Is this enough to say that sex is more intimate (or in some way different) for women than it is men?

[thod]

Topic is too broad, whenever i start a response I end up going all over and writing paragraphs. You have to narrow the discussoion.

[JTG]

i've had and maintained multiple sexual relationships at the same time... i was always 100% open and honest about what i was doing and why. if they wanted to be with me, then they could accept that - or not. their choice. its unfair to deny anyone the right of making a choice for themselves - and hiding things is denying them the information needed to make a proper choice.

Yes, i wasn't saying it's necessarily a bad thing, just that she would put on airs of propriety and pretend to people that she was in a faithful relationship, but secretly she had at least two other guys that i'm aware of. When i went on a date (or even to hang out with) other girls, she would completely freak.

[OneBadMother]

Hmm, let's see.

Women do have a little more to risk from sex than men. Even with birth control, it's still more likely for women to become pregnant from sex than men. :P Biological norms aside, think about how different perceived sex drive would be if both partners had an equal chance of getting pregnant from a sexual act.

Also, from what I've heard anecdotally men have a harder time satisfying themselves in solitary sexual activity than women. That plus social pressure about not being a proper man if you haven't lost your virginity by 18-20 probably means a higher drive to have sex, if not a higher base sex drive.

[JTG]

Yeah when i said that sex is different for men and women, i meant mostly in a chemical/physiological way, hormone differences and all that.

[med2006]

Hmm, let's see.

Women do have a little more to risk from sex than men. Even with birth control, it's still more likely for women to become pregnant from sex than men. :P Biological norms aside, think about how different perceived sex drive would be if both partners had an equal chance of getting pregnant from a sexual act.
Good point. As as I understand it women are also at higher risk of contracting STDs, particularly HIV/AIDS from men that men are from women. But the same holds true for the bottom (receiver) in male homosexual encounters. From what I understand the risk is lower for lesbian couples for certain STDs but there is still a risk of transmission,



Also, from what I've heard anecdotally men have a harder time satisfying themselves in solitary sexual activity than women.

You may have this one backwards. I always heard that women were less likely to engage in self satisfaction than men. I know that men are more visual and therefore more likely to use porn than women and some men may have problems getting aroused without visual stimulation. But considering the number of terms men us to refer to self satisfaction I doubt that they have too many problem in this area.

By the same token, I hear that more women are buying porn now than before. I also hear that sex toys for women are improving and therefore gaining popularity so the number of women going solo may be increasing.

Either way, for me sex one activity I much prefer not to engage in alone.

[iamnotspock]

Multiple orgasms. That is the main difference.

Pregancy: Bigger risk for man. He has no say in outcome, but he will pay pay pay.

[pavman]

Multiple orgasms. That is the main difference.

Pregancy: Bigger risk for man. He has no say in outcome, but he will pay pay pay.

LOL and this is a big deal in the rights debate... believe me.

Anyway, I don't see why women think men can't have multiple orgasms. I usually can't find a woman who can keep up with my sex drive. I can go for about 4 - 6 hours usually, but eventually there's some things that just say enough already. Although, as I get older, and as I get it more frequently, I tend to get lazy and not want to finish off my partner's needs as much as I used to.

I think women tend not to be loners as much as men because women's orientation is towards one of relationships, where as men's is towards one of conquering (in the sense that women view relationships and the like with more weight than men do, and men view attaining the goal with more weight than women) and self-satisfaction. Its kind of a cop-out though, because if you just look at a video and conquer yourself, what challenge is that?!

I have other fascinating theories, but it would take too long to go into all of this stuff, plus some of it may be R - X rated, so... I mean, there's like a 9 year old in this forum...or at least *someone* polled that they were <10 ...!

[Nyiah]

Pregancy: Bigger risk for man. He has no say in outcome, but he will pay pay pay.
The consequences for a woman is just as bad, or worse. She could risk her life in child birth and she's stuck with the kid. Men give, what? a third of the income to the baby, but they don't actually have to _deal_ with it.

I can go for about 4 - 6 hours usually, but eventually there's some things that just say enough already. Although, as I get older, and as I get it more frequently, I tend to get lazy and not want to finish off my partner's needs as much as I used to.

Dear God. Are you eating a power bar while you do it? I think I have the mentality of a man when it comes to sex. "Oh, I'm done, thanks. It was great, I'll call you! Bye."

[pavman]

Dear God. Are you eating a power bar while you do it? I think I have the mentality of a man when it comes to sex. "Oh, I'm done, thanks. It was great, I'll call you! Bye."

LOL. Nope. I just have lots of energy when I need it. But as I get older, think I get lazier.... like... I could be doing something productive...and less messy. I think this is exponential in converse to "love" for the person... so the less I "love" them, the more I want to go do something else (and the less time I want to spend copulating). I usually give up when my boys start hurting. That's when I know I've done about enough for one day. :stunned: The upside is, I don't think about sex for at least 2 days after one of those "sessions."

Glad you people don't know who I am in real life, this sh!t is embarrassing... I just realized ... this stuff is searchable in google... umm.. I need to change my nick... :angry:

[Jgib5328]

I was told by a woman recently:

"Sex is different for girls than guys."

No evidence was given for the comment.

Please share your opinions.

I'm sure most girls they have more emotional attachments, I remember I read something that stated that that was a fact. But of course the only type of women you will find on this forum are INTJs, so obviously they are going to view sex differently than most women. It can be the other way around obviously, but in general it is different. I personally don't view sex as that emotionally important, it's to satisfy a base desire.

[rwyatt365]

LOL. Nope. I just have lots of energy when I need it. But as I get older, think I get lazier.... like... I could be doing something productive...and less messy. I think this is exponential in converse to "love" for the person... so the less I "love" them, the more I want to go do something else (and the less time I want to spend copulating). I usually give up when my boys start hurting. That's when I know I've done about enough for one day. :stunned: The upside is, I don't think about sex for at least 2 days after one of those "sessions."

Glad you people don't know who I am in real life, this sh!t is embarrassing... I just realized ... this stuff is searchable in google... umm.. I need to change my nick... :angry:
...and now for something completely different!

Man, I hope that you can maintain that level of “activity” in later life. If not, you’ll wish you hadn’t “burnt out” all your energy in your youth!

I couldn’t even imagine having sex for 4-6 hours straight. I can’t imagine doing much of ANYTHING for 4-6 hours straight. Nyiah, I’m with you; “Ok, I’m done. Hope you’re happy too. G’night *snore*”. I’m not selfish, I do my best to please, but there comes a point where my body gives those “are you kidding?!” signals, and it’s time to start ramping down (or winding up, as the case might be).

Anyway, more to the point, I think that the basic motivations for sex are roughly similar for men and women (sexual stimulation, mutual satisfaction, bonding, etc…). There are some differences that have been amplified by society. But we all want to “get laid” and “get off” and feel attractive.

[iamnotspock]

Sorry, but the woman is not stuck with the kid unless she so chooses. She also has the option of Plan B. So sex is not as risky for her from that standpoint.

Pavman wins the sex marathon contest. But that still counts as 1 O. My ex could go for hours, too, if I ever felt like it (I didn't) but seems like she could rack up the double digits. I'm pretty sure her hormones were out of control!

[Jgib5328]

LOL and this is a big deal in the rights debate... believe me.

Anyway, I don't see why women think men can't have multiple orgasms. I usually can't find a woman who can keep up with my sex drive. I can go for about 4 - 6 hours usually, but eventually there's some things that just say enough already. Although, as I get older, and as I get it more frequently, I tend to get lazy and not want to finish off my partner's needs as much as I used to.

I think women tend not to be loners as much as men because women's orientation is towards one of relationships, where as men's is towards one of conquering (in the sense that women view relationships and the like with more weight than men do, and men view attaining the goal with more weight than women) and self-satisfaction. Its kind of a cop-out though, because if you just look at a video and conquer yourself, what challenge is that?!

I have other fascinating theories, but it would take too long to go into all of this stuff, plus some of it may be R - X rated, so... I mean, there's like a 9 year old in this forum...or at least *someone* polled that they were <10 ...!

I doubt you can go for 4-6 hours. I pretty much doubt anyone can go that long. That seems crude and hedonistic to me anyways.

[yondyr]

On a slight side note, I found sex with other than another INTJ a nuisance. I separate distinctly the urge to hold, be affectionate, as an expression of love - but it in no way meant I wanted to (erm do we say fuck here or should I be genteel and allude?). But everytime the first was initiated, he would assume/attempt something more. Which of course, killed the impulse. I waved him goodbye permanently with relief.

[SeaCzar]

I personally don't view sex as that emotionally important, it's to satisfy a base desire.

This sums it up pretty well. Sex is like eating, sleeping or having to use the loo. While it can be enjoyable, basically "The Nasty" is a necessary chore, the best part of which is when its over.





SeaCzar added to this post, 5 minutes and 41 seconds later...

I can go for about 4 - 6 hours usually


When I was younger, I could claim this as well. Thank God I grew out of that habit. I could not stand to be with a girl for that long now, much less be that close, for that long.

Are you sure you're an INTJ? (kidding)

[yondyr]

Jeeez...I stopped well short of calling it "The Nasty"

[quentin]

Honestly, anything over than an hour starts to give me a headache.

I agree that sex is simply a basic biological urge, like eating or sleeping or defecating. It's pretty easy to disengage emotionally from it - an entire profession (prostitution) is based on this fact. However, that said, sex with emotion is on an entirely different plateau than emotionless sex. As someone I knew once said, "Sex without emotion is like cake without frosting."

[pavman]

I doubt you can go for 4-6 hours. I pretty much doubt anyone can go that long. That seems crude and hedonistic to me anyways.

Yes, it is crude and hedonistic; ironically, when I did this in my past it was to try to help satisfy the female. I really shouldn't continue on this topic much more, in fact, if I could I'd go delete it all, or at least filter it a bit as there have been some complaints. :stunned:

[vaguely dissatisfied]

I have a sister who teaches human sexuality at a university. We have had many conversations, which does not in any way make me an expert, but I do have a little more insight into the differences between male and female sexuality than I previously had.

Some things that may be more prevelent in the female half of the population with regards to the physiological side of things include monthly cycles. There is a portion of the female populous that are motivated sexually based on their cycle. That is to say that when the estrogen level is rising and at it's peak, which is from day one of menses to ovulation, these women experience an increased sexual drive.

Another interesting tidbit for those of you who might not know......many women ejaculate.

[Lucid]

Yes, it is crude and hedonistic; ironically, when I did this in my past it was to try to help satisfy the female. I really shouldn't continue on this topic much more, in fact, if I could I'd go delete it all, or at least filter it a bit as there have been some complaints. :stunned:

There have?? :huh:

I've had sex for several hours straight. But it usually involved several breaks for nourishment. And it seemed it was usually more difficult for the male to maintain that kind of stamina. Don't get me wrong, it was hard for me too.
I know people of both genders who prefer to be in love to have sex and people of both genders who look at it as a need that must be fulfilled and nothing more.
Personally, I prefer to have sex with someone I know, like a fuck-buddy or something, rather than a series of strangers. But that's mostly because you get to know what each other likes, what works, what they're into and all that. Also it seems like it's less awkward. In general, I've found that I have a higher sex drive than most of my boyfriends.