You vs Me

[muguly]

Do you have a problem with competition in relationships? Every woman I meet want to compete with me and I don't know why. I don't want or need to be in a power struggle in a relationship but every woman I get serious with wants to play tug-of-war with power. Is it common with INTJ's or just me?

[JTG]

I'm one of the least competitive people i know, haha. I have a super competitive friend who always tries to compare himself to me, and i can tell it's because it matters to him and not just because he's curious haha.

To this day i rub it in his face that i scored 10 points higher than he did on the SAT... not because i care so much from a competition standpoint, i just like pushing people's buttons haha

[Mountain Lion]

I've had a similar problem with women in my previous relationships. It's fine when it's on a playful level, but when people actually take competition seriously while trying to hide their feelings of growing resentment, the outcome tends to be explosive. And it's usually preceded by completely innocuous faux pas like going to Cuba for two weeks and not telling the dating partner or forgetting his/her birthday. Thankfully, my better half doesn't share the competitive quality of the deceptively lovely and potentially explosive girls I've encountered before.

[AgentofGaming]

I have playful rivalries to make friends.

Besides those ones that can't beat me but like to brag make the best entertainment.

[Firelie]

I'm only competitive when I bowl.

[Antares]

People compete with me when I never really asked for it.

My aunt, even though she is not in any position to compete with me as she's not in school, always compares her son (my first cousin) to me. As a result, it's awkward between us if we talk about my grades because quite frankly, he is quite tired of it and it would not be very nice of me to talk about how I got an A on my French exam last semester. Whenever I read a book and he is playing PS3, if she doesn't see me, she's fine with it, but if she sees me, she stops my cousin and tells him to go read ("Your cousin is reading, so why aren't you?"). My mother also told me that she displayed something that resembled glee when her brother had a son who showed symptons of mental retardation.

A girl would always compare my flute skills to hers, and every time she does a band test, she would give me this look that tells me I'd be beaten, but ironically, I always beat her.

I just don't understand these people. Why is life such a big competition?

[vaguely dissatisfied]

Do you have a problem with competition in relationships? Every woman I meet want to compete with me and I don't know why. I don't want or need to be in a power struggle in a relationship but every woman I get serious with wants to play tug-of-war with power. Is it common with INTJ's or just me?
In my experience, a power struggle within a relationship often develops when one partner feels that the other partner has an unfair share of control. Some individuals feel safer and more content when they are 'doing the driving' in a relationship. This can be alright for the other partner for awhile, but usually creates resentment at some point.

[thod]

Do you have a problem with competition in relationships? Every woman I meet want to compete with me and I don't know why. I don't want or need to be in a power struggle in a relationship but every woman I get serious with wants to play tug-of-war with power. Is it common with INTJ's or just me?

Its INTJs. I never notice anyone competing with me. Thats because they are not, ask them. Maybe its the INTJs that put them in competition mode more likely its the paranoid aspect of being an INTJ. Nobody else is trying to win, they dont care about sucess like INTJs do. They want an easy and happy life, thats all.

[BlackHawk]

Do you have a problem with competition in relationships? Every woman I meet want to compete with me and I don't know why. I don't want or need to be in a power struggle in a relationship but every woman I get serious with wants to play tug-of-war with power. Is it common with INTJ's or just me?

Competition over little things like quiz grades is healthy; it shows that you are comfortable with one another and can accept getting beaten by her, or she by you.
When competition becomes a power struggle, you need to seriously reconsider how your relationship is working, as it indicates one or both of you does not trust/accept the other, or has maturity problems. It has little to do with type, just how you interact with your partner. You will be able to find someone you don't power-struggle with, so keep looking until you find it.

[rwyatt365]

Muguly, I don't think that power struggles within a relationship are endemic of the INTJ type. There are some parings that tend to bring that out in certain relationships, and that is more a result of trust and security between the partners than anything else. There are some things that an INTJ is prone to that might exacerbate feelings of distrust and insecurity, primarily the INTJ tendency for social isolation and self-assuredness.

There are two alternatives; a) learn to adapt to your partners needs so that they will be more inclined to adapt to yours, or b) find someone that "gets you" from the start and is secure enough to take you "as is".