Problems with being an Introvert

[Antares]

Yesterday, it was Chinese New Year and my family met with my extended one. Being probably the only introvert among my dad, my uncles and my cousins, needless to say I had to participate however unwilling. When I was having my 'alone time' with my computer because I find my online friends much more interesting, they pressured me into playing 'Risk' and my father promptly made me by threatening to shut down Wireless. Yes. I was mad as hell, but there was nothing I could do. To make matters worse, my bully of a mother jeered at me upon my wish to not participate because I feared 'losing', which caused my whole family to laugh pathetically at me (yes, I'm still very angry now). By that point I was positively seething and was ready to pounce on someone, and thinking back, I should have just stormed off. The stupid game and having extraverted ways imposed on me was just not worth my time. Anyone else has that problem?

P.S. Don't take offense, extroverts. I have nothing against being E. I just have something against its ways being forced onto me.

[JTG]

My parents used to give me a hard time. Now i live alone, quite happily, in a small apartment. Just gotta grit your teeth and get through it. You'll be calling your own shots eventually... oh sweet freedom :P

[Kotetsu]

That's not any way for your family to treat you. If they won't listen to you at all, and insist on seeing you as they do, then you'll have to be strong and stick it out.

[Cookabara]

because I find my online friends much more interesting.

Well, this is not that introvert.
One of the definitions for introvert is to turn inward. The cyberspace is still external.

[Jgib5328]

Ha, I'd never take that from anyone, you should of stood up to them. Don't ever let people push you around, even your parents.

[Solaris]

Ha, I'd never take that from anyone, you should of stood up to them. Don't ever let people push you around, even your parents.

She lives in an Asian country -- not so easily done.

@Camelopardalis: I'd be pissed off too. It doesn't sound like your family is particularly full of NTs, and I won't play that game with people who don't think like me. I have a lot of introverted friends, and I'm careful to not try to drag them out too often.

[vaguely dissatisfied]

Yesterday, it was Chinese New Year and my family met with my extended one. Being probably the only introvert among my dad, my uncles and my cousins, needless to say I had to participate however unwilling. When I was having my 'alone time' with my computer because I find my online friends much more interesting, they pressured me into playing 'Risk' and my father promptly made me by threatening to shut down Wireless. Yes. I was mad as hell, but there was nothing I could do. To make matters worse, my bully of a mother jeered at me upon my wish to not participate because I feared 'losing', which caused my whole family to laugh pathetically at me (yes, I'm still very angry now). By that point I was positively seething and was ready to pounce on someone, and thinking back, I should have just stormed off. The stupid game and having extraverted ways imposed on me was just not worth my time. Anyone else has that problem?

P.S. Don't take offense, extroverts. I have nothing against being E. I just have something against its ways being forced onto me.
It is sad when parents cannot accept their children for who they are and try to change them. I had a similar upbringing although my mother accepted my introverted nature, but tried to change many other things about me.

Of course, when I grew up and became a parent myself both of my daughters benefitted from this because I swore that I would bend over backwards to make sure that my children felt loved and accepted for who they are.

[AgentofGaming]

I'm Chinese too, so I have a similar experience.

On dinners:
It's Chinese New Year so I'd rather yield than to get a earful of "you're always in your room so much" or "too much computer".
I hate going to dinners, so time wasting but I have been going out to dinners everyday since Monday because my uncle came from out of province. The dinners I have my own corner, I don't speak to them but I'll reply, however some relatives have really interesting conversation topics like politics and history for me to listen to.

As for being forced someone has to yield, don't make such a big issue out of small things, some things can be done later. They are your family, it's long-term, you'd be creating more problems than you'd save by opposing over such a little thing. A little online chat/ game can wait and resuming later is far better than having bad relations with those close to you. Then afterwards you can have a chat with them about it, and how you didn't like what they did, if they're family they'll understand. (afterall family members deep down have good intentions, otherwise you're better off without them)

On arguing with family members:
No don't storm off that's a bad move, it tells your family you hate them. You don't want be/get a reputation of "小氣" (siu2 hei3; ill tempered at petty things). If they're not open be open yourself be "大量" (daai6 loeng6; open, mericful and accepting). Know when some things are worth arguing over.
Don't take it too harshly about the teasing, your family just wants to be with you, that's positive not negative even though the method is negative (pure pressure).
If they wanted me to play risk, I'd tell them if they really wanted their butts kicked I'd oblige.

[In Strict Confidence]

Well, this is not that introvert.
One of the definitions for introvert is to turn inward. The cyberspace is still external.

Being introvert isnt = to being asocial. Its rather not having the need to interact with other people on the same level as an E. Further more, at least in the definition of the functions I have around here, the introvert is drained rather than energized by interaction, and prefers it to stay on a one-to-one basis. The internet is excellent for limiting interaction in any way you want to, like length, type and intensity.

[Jenny Penny]

Seriously, if one more idiot asks me why I'm so quiet or tells me I'm too serious or antisocial, I can no longer be held accountable for my actions...

[In Strict Confidence]

Seriously, if one more idiot asks me why I'm so quiet or tells me I'm too serious or antisocial, I can no longer be held accountable for my actions...

This is why I love this place <3

[iamnotspock]

OP: It could have been worse. They might have made you play Ma Jong ;-)

[youngblooded]

During my chinese new year visits, I would just sit at one corner and gaze in the air. Most of my relatives thought I was sick , sad or emotional. Weird. Plus everyone in my family is an extravet.

[Antares]

On arguing with family members:
No don't storm off that's a bad move, it tells your family you hate them. You don't want be/get a reputation of "小氣" (siu2 hei3; ill tempered at petty things). If they're not open be open yourself be "大量" (daai6 loeng6; open, mericful and accepting). Know when some things are worth arguing over.
Don't take it too harshly about the teasing, your family just wants to be with you, that's positive not negative even though the method is negative (pure pressure).
If they wanted me to play risk, I'd tell them if they really wanted their butts kicked I'd oblige.


You're Cantonese? Same here! Well... That night, I *almost* lost the game, but it was my second time playing and I didn't even know the rules well. Even though my cousin was clearly going to win, he wouldn't let anyone quit, but I was quite fine with that. If you're going to lose, lose gracefully. Yesterday, I kicked their butts and even before I started purging them from Africa, Asia and North America (I had the rest except for Australia), they ALL quitted on me. Yes, even my uncle. Talk about being a hypocrite.

Usually, on CNY, I like to surf the net while my family plays Big Two (Do you know this game? Love it!) and my family usually doesn't stop bothering me until I play with them. Nowadays, I play voluntarily because it's just so fun to beat them :D

As an INTJ, I'm always called 偏激 (extreme) and 孤僻 (loner/antisocial). *sigh*

[ElstonGunn]

Anyone else has that problem?

Yeah. Everybody hates an introvert. At least it seems that way sometimes. I wouldn't mind that at all if it just made them leave me alone, but people always have to try to change it. They always want you to 'break out of your shell' or 'open up.'

[JTG]

I get the same, especially on the eccentric end. People who know me well usually describe me as 強烈 (intense) or 聰明 (intelligent)

[AgentofGaming]

You're Cantonese? Same here! Well... That night, I *almost* lost the game, but it was my second time playing and I didn't even know the rules well. Even though my cousin was clearly going to win, he wouldn't let anyone quit, but I was quite fine with that. If you're going to lose, lose gracefully. Yesterday, I kicked their butts and even before I started purging them from Africa, Asia and North America (I had the rest except for Australia), they ALL quitted on me. Yes, even my uncle. Talk about being a hypocrite.

Usually, on CNY, I like to surf the net while my family plays Big Two (Do you know this game? Love it!) and my family usually doesn't stop bothering me until I play with them. Nowadays, I play voluntarily because it's just so fun to beat them :D

As an INTJ, I'm always called 偏激 (extreme) and 孤僻 (loner/antisocial). *sigh*
Yes both my parents are Cantonese so I guess that'd make me Cantonese :). It's quite unsuspecting over the Internet since you don't see the person, and I'm pretty Canadian-like so with English as my primary language...but even in RL people can't tell if I can speak it. Interesting how there are so many Cantonese people here.

Me and my brothers and some of their friends used to play Star Wars risk. To date they've never beaten me yet. I would suppose securing the continents is the key to victory (and avoiding bad dice roll streaks) and if they try to quit after you have things secured, call them sore losers!

Yes I know Big2, In fact by the time I got to high school, I got everybody at the lunch table to play everyday. Until I moved.

Relatives know me as many things in fact some are even contradictory. Of course some of them have some clues at my inner nature.
靜 (Quiet), 單純 (Pure), 奸狡 (Tricky), 有計劃 (Planned), 獨立 (Independent), 封閉青年 (youth room hider), 思想複雜 (Complex). Tricky and pure both were said by my mom.

[Antares]

Yes both my parents are Cantonese so I guess that'd make me Cantonese :). It's quite unsuspecting over the Internet since you don't see the person, and I'm pretty Canadian-like so with English as my primary language...but even in RL people can't tell if I can speak it. Interesting how there are so many Cantonese people here.

Me and my brothers and some of their friends used to play Star Wars risk. To date they've never beaten me yet. I would suppose securing the continents is the key to victory (and avoiding bad dice roll streaks) and if they try to quit after you have things secured, call them sore losers!

Yes I know Big2, In fact by the time I got to high school, I got everybody at the lunch table to play everyday. Until I moved.

Relatives know me as many things in fact some are even contradictory. Of course some of them have some clues at my inner nature.
靜 (Quiet), 單純 (Pure), 奸狡 (Tricky), 有計劃 (Planned), 獨立 (Independent), 封閉青年 (youth room hider), 思想複雜 (Complex). Tricky and pure both were said by my mom.

Star Wars Risk? What do you conquer? Conruscant and Mustafar? Wow. I want that game. It's easy to give INTJ's contradictory words about themselves... We're so weird sometimes. My mom calls me 'innocent' and 'manipulative'. I win by securing continents in the beginning. I was actually surprised that no one competed with me for Europe. I expected much difficulty in doing so. Oh well.

[AgentofGaming]

Star Wars Risk? What do you conquer? Conruscant and Mustafar? Wow. I want that game. It's easy to give INTJ's contradictory words about themselves... We're so weird sometimes. My mom calls me 'innocent' and 'manipulative'. I win by securing continents in the beginning. I was actually surprised that no one competed with me for Europe. I expected much difficulty in doing so. Oh well.

Well it looks like this (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.).
There's clusters instead of continents like "inner rim" with planets like Coruscant or Naboo. Then there are outer rim planets like Mustafar. There's also Capitalships, corvettes and fighters these can allow you to use 8 sided die, or add to a roll. For Confederacy they hide their leaders and the Emperor, if I take the planet with politicians I get a card with bonuses, or if it has the Emperor they lose. Every several turns the Emperor gets to increase his power. At one time the player can use the power to convert the troops of the other side using Order 66 and the % success depends on how long they waited. Obviously for me strike fast and hard against them.

For INTJs I think overall it's better to be viewed as positively. That way you can start manipulating their trust. lol... like I pretend to be naive and hardworking but unable to do chores within acceptable quality (so they have to do it themselves to get it done). My mom sees through those sometimes and calls it "詐傻扮懵"(playing dumb) or "扮豬食老虎" (pretending to be a pig to eat a tiger). Despite how lazy I can be; being manipulative isn't a bad thing if a person is good-natured. There's always the benefits to everyone of being benevolent, and merciful as it brings goodwill. While for the other side lies carry a burden and misdeeds carry guilt while others mistrust.

It's kind of funny how most other players play without strategies. They just random everything thinking they have a chance of winning.

OT:
hmm, I noticed that you can't misspell something if you type Chinese, there's no letters.

[Nomad]

Not Asian by extraction, so I have a question. I understand that the family has paramount importance, and individual successes reflect well of the family, which seems to be the whole point. INTJ's are nothing if not successful at what they do, one would think that they would appreciate that, even given the obvious downside of being a loner. Are those interactions so important, more important than success? For myself, i would have destroyed their armies in situ, disdained to take the territory, leaving just a token army, and gone back to my business, but that's just because I'm bloody minded.

-Nomad

[In Strict Confidence]

Since China and various eastern cultures are traditionally collectivistic, I can imagine the problem..

[PortInStorm]

And of course, the other saying for "tricky" and "Pure" is "wise as a serpent, innocent as a dove"

[AgentofGaming]

Since China and various eastern cultures are traditionally collectivistic, I can imagine the problem..

Yep, Confucian ideals are embedded into the East Asian culture everywhere you go, certainly collectivist.
He preached respect, benevolence and virtue. The respect parts goes to respecting the elders. Benevolence being kind to others and virtue doing the right thing.
There's also the conservative positions in society where you are supposed to accept your role and do the best in it. Hence how they push their children in school.

Not Asian by extraction, so I have a question. I understand that the family has paramount importance, and individual successes reflect well of the family, which seems to be the whole point. INTJ's are nothing if not successful at what they do, one would think that they would appreciate that, even given the obvious downside of being a loner. Are those interactions so important, more important than success? For myself, i would have destroyed their armies in situ, disdained to take the territory, leaving just a token army, and gone back to my business, but that's just because I'm bloody minded.

-Nomad
As Chinese you're supposed to treat your family well no matter how they treat you (above). The supposed idea is that you help your family and they help you and that your seniors pass down their wisdom and keep you out of trouble. Most would see that as expecting huge reciprocity (which introverts might disdain), but a little give and you can get a lot back. I wouldn't have the courage to treat my relatives badly (it wouldn't be just), they do a lot for me, I can see it however subtle it may be. So family is my foundation I can always fall back on.

[In Strict Confidence]

Its certainly interesting.. coming from someone who actually live in an Asian culture, instead of coming from some American textbook at collage. Maybe we shouldnt discuss ideologies or ethics too much in this tread, but as I said, I can see how the collectivist ideals can be a problem for an introvert. Hell, I'm swedish (like 75% individualistic and 25% collectivistic :p), and I find our cultural expectations of extroversion very problematic at times. It’s frustrating and annoying, how people expect me to be outgoing, social, follow and adhere public norms. If you DON’T go out and get wasted on cheap alcohol every weekend, you're a freak who no one understands.

[mind_wander]

You're Cantonese? Same here! Well... That night, I *almost* lost the game, but it was my second time playing and I didn't even know the rules well. Even though my cousin was clearly going to win, he wouldn't let anyone quit, but I was quite fine with that. If you're going to lose, lose gracefully. Yesterday, I kicked their butts and even before I started purging them from Africa, Asia and North America (I had the rest except for Australia), they ALL quitted on me. Yes, even my uncle. Talk about being a hypocrite.

Usually, on CNY, I like to surf the net while my family plays Big Two (Do you know this game? Love it!) and my family usually doesn't stop bothering me until I play with them. Nowadays, I play voluntarily because it's just so fun to beat them :D

As an INTJ, I'm always called 偏激 (extreme) and 孤僻 (loner/antisocial). *sigh*
Just want to say, "You need a big hug." I'm not cantonese, but Chinese. Living, in a weird family with traditional [dad-China] and non-traditional [mom-Taiwan], so everything is one big give or take. Not sure, how many pay attention, too these two country issues and differences. Its really different, but I end up with the grey zone, for sure. The interactions is rather different, dad wants the collective aspect, as opposed to my mom does not want too much of the collective aspect. Instead, move towards independent thinking and tons of give or takes. My dad hates this crap, while my mom loves it. The Taiwanese attitude is give me a big break and stop being too freaking nosy! I want my personal space, so give it too me. As for CNY, kinda celebrate it and not really; yeah, I know its really weird, for Asian people reading this. "What, you don't really celebrate it, so important!" Well, if you lived in an two different traditional views, so its always compromises.

You should play Stratego and make your family play it! Its really fun, for me there is a point to the game, figure out where is the main piece is hiding, around the bombs.

"As an INTJ, I'm always called 偏激 (extreme) and 孤僻 (loner/antisocial)."
Well, screw their views about you being loner or anti-social. It takes time until, you are comfortable and ready to opened to the social circle; the Asian circle is mostly chatty folks, nosy, at most want to know too much. As opposed, just want to talked about meaningful things about life and what life has to offer with another twist.

As for me [introvert], kinda do something different. As Asians likes face too darn much, well my motto: is lose face makes you a stronger person everyday. What it doesn't hurts you makes you more resistent. People loves to hit you with things, all the time. But, if you got nothing too lose or care about something, in particular. In most cases, others would be wondering, wow, this person is odd, but in a nice way. This person really got the skills intellectually and not afraid to go against the mold of losing face.

My younger bro is an INTJ, also follow the same motto: Keeping face is for idiots, so lose your face. What are you going to lose? Friends, family, etc. Yeah, but at the end of the day, you'll find it so freaking stuipid anyways, so why even bother talk about it. Fools!

My comments: The Asian mentality about losing face, like your family making you playing RISK to be an extrovert. Is a huge risk for you, but alot has to do with your family not losing face [losing dignity] with your loneness. So big a turn off, for Asian circle, which I find is complete BS. So, if you felt like, this is one big BS about the saving face thing, let me know.