What you see is not what you get

[Maleficent]

I often read/hear about INTJ women not being overtly traditionally feminine, even in appearance. I wear dresses and skirts and am obsessed with vintage classic styles (think Dorothy Dandridge), I wear makeup and heels 90% of the time. Long and short of it, I think I look pretty feminine (though not in that girly, floral, flirty way...feminine nevertheless). I've always been that way and since I am very into aesthetics, I figured I might as well be aesthetically pleasing as well ;)

So...men often see me as sort of approachable and or desirable (which I guess is ok) But it rarely moves past the initial phases of conversation since, well...I am an INTJ. It totally throws them when I'm not "soft", flirty, clingy, I don't want kids, or require intelligent conversation...the list is endless. Eventually they fade into black...and I'm left wondering what happened? Most feedback I get is "I just didn't know what to do with you" Sometimes I've wondered if maybe being less fashion/appearance conscious would cause less conflict, hehe. There have been a few men over the years I was really interested in and this phenomenon seems to come into play. Basically, what you see is not what you get...

Oh and the men that stick around or relentlessly pursue me are either jerks or are men I am not attracted to.

Any INTJ women experience something something similar? How do you deal?

[Silverity]

Oh good gods, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I like cute clothes. I wear skirts, tall boots, I own a couple tunic-style tops that end in ruffles. You will find floral patterns (nothing overbearing, typically just in borders) and the colour pink within my wardrobe. I'm told I'm adorable...and then they try and get to know me and are utterly bewildered by the fact I have a brain lodged within my skull and speak frankly and honestly about my opinions.

How do I deal? With a cold shoulder towards anyone who makes the assumption that I'm soft and stupid as a bunny, and a witty charm towards anyone who has stuck around long enough to assess my skills and intelligence. I don't date casually, I wait till someone has actually had the opportunity to talk to me BEFORE going anywhere with them. There is nothing worse than being stuck on a date with someone who realizes he's not getting a piece of fluff and has no idea what to do about it.

I don't really want to change my appearance, I don't know how I could better portray my personality given how complex it is. When a lad comes around who IS compatible with my blunter INTJ qualities it works out great, and I don't mind being alone in the meantime. Just be up front and honest and if they can't deal--get rid of them quickly.

[Amphorian]

How can you people like wearing cute clothes? O_O When I wear skirts they are dark, straight and at a mid length. Heels are badass boots or wooden with some leather. And I swear I'm pissed off at this 'ruffle' fad going on right now. -noms on something-

And what I want to know is how can people stand carrying purses? ._. I do sometimes but end up giving it to my little sister to hold (if she's with me).

And what is with pink? It only looks good on flowers in my opinion. :thinking:


What is worse, even though I'm quite blunt, logical, down to earth, play video games and can talk politics... I prefer acting like a little kid and a dork. I can get quite fun and bubbly over time if I'm comfortable around certain individuals. ;D I swear, I'm complete opposite of you first two. ._.

[Silverity]

How can you people like wearing cute clothes? O_O When I wear skirts they are dark, straight and at a mid length. Heels are badass boots or wooden with some leather. And I swear I'm pissed off at this 'ruffle' fad going on right now. -noms on something-

And what I want to know is how can people stand carrying purses? ._. I do sometimes but end up giving it to my little sister to hold (if she's with me).

And what is with pink? It only looks good on flowers in my opinion. :thinking:


What is worse, even though I'm quite blunt, logical, down to earth, play video games and can talk politics... I prefer acting like a little kid and a dork. I can get quite fun and bubbly over time if I'm comfortable around certain individuals. ;D I swear, I'm complete opposite of you first two. ._.

Haha no you're not the opposite of me: "I prefer acting like a little kid and a dork. I can get quite fun and bubbly over time if I'm comfortable around certain individuals" I do the exact same thing. But I'm not talking about the people I know and am comfy with, I'm more talking about random people who walk up to me.

I didn't know there was a ruffle fad. What types of ruffles are we talking about? Mine are...well, like me. Plain and unornamented. As for pink, it goes well with my complexion. Pale pink. No barbie or hot pinks. The details are important. Skirts are long or pencil-style. No minis. God, no minis ever =_= You'd probably hate my boots. One pair is straight, functional black with a heel and a buckle. The other? Fur lined with pompoms, haha. I needed some cheering up during our 6-month long winter.

Part of it is simply that I'm not attached to my appearance. I don't think it represents me and so I take an artistic hand to it. I'm my own favourite doll, essentially. I don't care what people think and so I dress differently all the time. For every pink shirt, I have a pair of fishnets or a net shirt. Black attire meets rioting yellows, I have plaid, I have floral. Stripes, but never spots. I enjoy colour, and I enjoy finding combinations of texture and pattern.

I guess I can see why people are constantly confused by me. Oops. Oh, and I love corduroy. Yay.

P.S: Purses suck. I have a...not sure how to describe it. The strap goes across my body, not over the shoulder and can fit my clipboard and school stuff. I guess it's like a laptop bag but not so big you risk injuring those around you when you pivot. Whatever those are called.

[Amphorian]

Haha no you're not the opposite of me: "I prefer acting like a little kid and a dork. I can get quite fun and bubbly over time if I'm comfortable around certain individuals" I do the exact same thing. But I'm not talking about the people I know and am comfy with, I'm more talking about random people who walk up to me.

I didn't know there was a ruffle fad. What types of ruffles are we talking about? Mine are...well, like me. Plain and unornamented. As for pink, it goes well with my complexion. Pale pink. No barbie or hot pinks. The details are important. Skirts are long or pencil-style. No minis. God, no minis ever =_= You'd probably hate my boots. One pair is straight, functional black with a heel and a buckle. The other? Fur lined with pompoms, haha. I needed some cheering up during our 6-month long winter.

Part of it is simply that I'm not attached to my appearance. I don't think it represents me and so I take an artistic hand to it. I'm my own favourite doll, essentially. I don't care what people think and so I dress differently all the time. For every pink shirt, I have a pair of fishnets or a net shirt. Black attire meets rioting yellows, I have plaid, I have floral. Stripes, but never spots. I enjoy colour, and I enjoy finding combinations of texture and pattern.

I guess I can see why people are constantly confused by me. Oops. Oh, and I love corduroy. Yay.

P.S: Purses suck. I have a...not sure how to describe it. The strap goes across my body, not over the shoulder and can fit my clipboard and school stuff. I guess it's like a laptop bag but not so big you risk injuring those around you when you pivot. Whatever those are called.

No you see my T isn't that strong. So I can become comfortable around people fairly quickly (if I'm in the mood to do so). I'm quite the listener, go up to others and start conversations and will wave or say hello to random people. But this is outside of work and school. At those places I'm dead cold for the most part. Other places I'm dancing about in public all by myself or enjoying the times with friends or family.

Why wouldn't clothes represent yourself? You said you view yourself as a canvas; therefore, your style reflects that.

Ick pompoms. :yuck:

And the ruffle thing. Everywhere I'm seeing ruffles! On sleeves, skirts, collars, jackets! Every store has some ruffle even Hot Topic!

[Silverity]

No you see my T isn't that strong. So I can become comfortable around people fairly quickly (if I'm in the mood to do so). I'm quite the listener, go up to others and start conversations and will wave or say hello to random people. But this is outside of work and school. At those places I'm dead cold for the most part. Other places I'm dancing about in public all by myself or enjoying the times with friends or family.

Why wouldn't clothes represent yourself? You said you view yourself as a canvas; therefore, your style reflects that.

Ick pompoms. :yuck:

And the ruffle thing. Everywhere I'm seeing ruffles! On sleeves, skirts, collars, jackets! Every store has some ruffle even Hot Topic!

Ooh, I see what you're saying now. Yes, then we are rather different. I'll wave and smile to random people but much prefer it if the contact doesn't go any further than that.

I think my clothing likely only represents a part of me. That, I assume, is where I run into trouble. Someone might look at me one day and think I'm such an angel, the next day I'm dressed in something more edgy. It's fine if I'm bumping into the same people all the time, they are used to the variety but when someone comes up out of no where, pegs me for a good little girl, they're suitably taken aback when I don't meet that expectation. I don't really know how to represent ALL of me, only pieces at a time.

It's not something I dwell on very much, but at the same time...argh, how to explain? I don't like giving a false impression. I guess that's somewhere near the root of it. I should probably also clarify x.x I seem to attract a lot of sketchy people, which makes me guess I'm broadcasting some sort of vulnerable-easily-exploitable/rapable type aura. THAT definitely has to be fixed.

The ruffle thing is weird. Here everyone is wearing plaid!

[wittykitty]

I often read/hear about INTJ women not being overtly traditionally feminine, even in appearance. I wear dresses and skirts and am obsessed with vintage classic styles (think Dorothy Dandridge), I wear makeup and heels 90% of the time. Long and short of it, I think I look pretty feminine (though not in that girly, floral, flirty way...feminine nevertheless). I've always been that way and since I am very into aesthetics, I figured I might as well be aesthetically pleasing as well ;)

So...men often see me as sort of approachable and or desirable (which I guess is ok) But it rarely moves past the initial phases of conversation since, well...I am an INTJ. It totally throws them when I'm not "soft", flirty, clingy, I don't want kids, or require intelligent conversation...the list is endless. Eventually they fade into black...and I'm left wondering what happened? Most feedback I get is "I just didn't know what to do with you" Sometimes I've wondered if maybe being less fashion/appearance conscious would cause less conflict, hehe. There have been a few men over the years I was really interested in and this phenomenon seems to come into play. Basically, what you see is not what you get...

Oh and the men that stick around or relentlessly pursue me are either jerks or are men I am not attracted to.

Any INTJ women experience something something similar? How do you deal?

For INTJ women like ourselves, it's easy to play the number game. I've probably gotten lucky myself as I've met several men who are great and have interested me romantically; after they've met my tough criteria. Now for the long haul, I've only met one man and I havent had to go searching since. But as to advice, why change? I enjoy looking good and, I too, am into aesthetics of all sorts.

[Uytuun]

I refuse to give up dancing (wildly to RnB :D) because it "doesn't fit" with the traditional INTJ thing. I like clothes and shoes, skin care, girly series, what have you. I suppose some (I)Ns might pass me by because of it, but ehh. I like my multi-facettedness. :p I also feel like I "throw" a lot of people. And I can relate to looking different each day - I have a lot of different styles and outfits in my wardrobe. It's like dressing up as a part of me. I do strongly feel that my behaviour as well may be more adjusted when you first get to know me (It's more ENP)...once again, that's just a part of me. Actually scratch the "just"...it's a legitimate part.

Good topic.

[MikeC]

I hope I am not the only guy out here who actually likes, and certainly does not underestimate, well-groomed women (especially those in skirts).

[larkin]

So...men often see me as sort of approachable and or desirable (which I guess is ok) But it rarely moves past the initial phases of conversation since, well...I am an INTJ. It totally throws them when I'm not "soft", flirty, clingy, I don't want kids, or require intelligent conversation...the list is endless. Eventually they fade into black...and I'm left wondering what happened?

My guess is they didn't think you were interested in them. Flirting is just a way of communicating that you are; in its absence, someone who's looking for a person with the potential for romantic interest will simply move on.

Curious that you led with a willingness to dress in a way that's perceived as stereotypically feminine, but seem to be unwilling to express interest in a way that's perceived as stereotypically feminine. Why would either define who you are as a person? (i.e., why would dressing feminine or visibly expressing interest mean you were unacceptably "soft", clingy, or dumb?)

Oh and the men that stick around or relentlessly pursue me are either jerks or are men I am not attracted to.

End result of not visibly expressing interest - you wind up being pursued only by guys who really don't care about what you're interested in at all.

[Maleficent]

My guess is they didn't think you were interested in them. Flirting is just a way of communicating that you are; in its absence, someone who's looking for a person with the potential for romantic interest will simply move on.

Good point, but that's another issue for me...I cannot seem to express the appropriate level of interest to the appropriate party (i.e. guy I really like puts me in the 'friend category')

Curious that you led with a willingness to dress in a way that's perceived as stereotypically feminine, but seem to be unwilling to express interest in a way that's perceived as stereotypically feminine. Why would either define who you are as a person? (i.e., why would dressing feminine or visibly expressing interest mean you were unacceptably "soft", clingy, or dumb?)

I can see your point, but it's not so much a "willingness" but my own preferred style, which happens to somewhat correlate with what is considered dressing in a feminine way. I don't believe that my clothes define me nor does my expressing/not expressing interest. The issue is that most people judge based on appearance and upon first glance, I appear to fit into the more stereotypical female persona, but once interaction is taken further it can create cognitive dissonance for the man's expectation is met with something quite the opposite.

End result of not visibly expressing interest - you wind up being pursued only by guys who really don't care about what you're interested in at all.

That's the story of my life, haha.


Glad that I'm not alone in this. I love my black pencil skirts and red lipstick:lips:

[rara avis]

End result of not visibly expressing interest - you wind up being pursued only by guys who really don't care about what you're interested in at all.

I've been pursued mainly by guys who are very interested in what I'm interested in, and what makes me tick. But I never seem to be interested in them. In fact, I'm rarely all that interested in anyone, on that level. I've actually wondered if I have a Catch-22 going on, where I just find it repellent that someone is attracted to me. I don't think that's truly the problem... I don't have a big enough sample set from which to draw a conclusion, I guess. I hope.

I am definitely a feminine dresser, but not generally in a girlish way. Usually I'm pretty streamlined. Skirts, heels, makeup... the occasional pink ruffle. OK, maybe not pink and ruffles at the same time, but still. I like pink once in a while because it's flattering and it appeals to my sense of irony. I like putting together different fabrics and shapes- but I don't like patterns, much.

I went through a no-nonsense kick-ass black phase in my early twenties, but I outgrew it to some extent, branched out. Oh, and I moved to the desert, where black gets really hot and really dusty really quickly. I still feel most "together" in all black.

I don't think people usually mistake me for other than what I am, though... from what I understand, my demeanor telegraphs some level of intimidating coldness, especially when someone's new to me. I still don't always see it happening, but I know it's there, it always is. I'm not particularly smiley, I have a sharp, thinking face, I don't spend time warming people up properly. There is little that's warm about me- if I try, it's stilted and weird. It's not on purpose, it's just how it is.

It used to bother me, I used to think people misunderstood when they assumed I didn't like them... but my sister pointed out that, while I don't dislike them, I don't actually like them, either... so they're not wrong. So, OK. I am nice, though, in the ways that count. (Well, I suppose in the ways that count to me.)

[TigerL]

There's a shade of pink to suit every woman! Just not necessarily the light pastel pink of baby girls or the hot flourescent pink of some exercise clothes. Dress in whatever makes you confident and comfortable.

I read Vogue regularly starting from childhood and at one point thought I would go into fashion design. But I didn't really dress up in my early 20s because I was so busy with school. I work in a somewhat conservative professional environment and enjoy wearing skirts and heels for both aesthetic and practical reasons. Skirts are less constrictive than pants and heels make me taller.

There so are many different types of style out there that you can find one to convey femininity, strength, intelligence, and other INTJ qualities. Some fashion icons I like to copy: Katherine Hepburn, Coco Chanel, Audrey Hepburn, Slim Keith, Grace Kelly, Jackie O. Classic, simple, well-cut, not necessarily ruffly/ pink/ floral feminine.

[liquidzilla]

How can you people like wearing cute clothes? O_O When I wear skirts they are dark, straight and at a mid length. Heels are badass boots or wooden with some leather. And I swear I'm pissed off at this 'ruffle' fad going on right now. -noms on something-

And what I want to know is how can people stand carrying purses? ._. I do sometimes but end up giving it to my little sister to hold (if she's with me).

And what is with pink? It only looks good on flowers in my opinion. :thinking:


What is worse, even though I'm quite blunt, logical, down to earth, play video games and can talk politics... I prefer acting like a little kid and a dork. I can get quite fun and bubbly over time if I'm comfortable around certain individuals. ;D I swear, I'm complete opposite of you first two. ._.
Sounds like me! Although I also wear jumpers from the men's section of the clothes shop, when I can get away with it. Plus it worries guys when they see a girl wearing what they're wearing!
I do get guys asking me out quite regularly however, and as Maleficent stated they are jerks or people I'm just not interested in. So strangely, it doesn't really matter how I dress so long as I'm neat and hygenic (I normally wear everything a size too big and not much of it is feminine).

[larkin]

The issue is that most people judge based on appearance and upon first glance, I appear to fit into the more stereotypical female persona, but once interaction is taken further it can create cognitive dissonance for the man's expectation is met with something quite the opposite.

See what you're saying, but I still think plenty of guys would still be interested in someone who's strong and feminine - in fact, I'm sure a lot of guys seek that out - as long as they think you're interested, too. I mean, INTJ women are masters of the death rays from the eyes...so guys probably know going in that you're not exactly going to be a shrinking violet.

I think sometimes INTJ women, and to some extent all NT women, tend to believe that problems starting a relationship has to do with guys not wanting a woman who leads with intelligence. Obviously some guys are like that, but if that's the case they'll probably do you the favor of avoiding you in the first place, or rather quickly taking their leave. But having hung out on this board for a while - just reading the posts on this thread - that seems still to leave a rather significant number of guys who, again, are very definitely still interested and would stay if it were reciprocated.

I've been pursued mainly by guys who are very interested in what I'm interested in, and what makes me tick.

Absolutely. Again, I don't think the problem is lack of interest. It's just a question of how long will someone stick around a person who doesn't seem interested in them? (Longer if they've decided to accept the prospect of just friendship, obviously. For better or worse, and probably for worse, depending on where you land on the question of whether implicit romantic rejection is a good starting point for friendship.)

But I never seem to be interested in them. In fact, I'm rarely all that interested in anyone, on that level. I've actually wondered if I have a Catch-22 going on, where I just find it repellent that someone is attracted to me.

So this is a larger question, and also one I've seen a fair amount around here. I think it goes beyond just needing alone time - plenty of people need alone time to varying degrees, that's just logistics. Whenever you think about not being alone, who do you think about spending time with? And do you feel like you seek those people out, or at least are responsive when they're interested in you? Or more like just passively accepting whoever's willing to stick around despite your evident lack of interest? If it's the latter, no wonder you would find them unattractive.

I mean, genuine interest in other people is actually pretty rare, I've found. I'm an extrovert and might be willing to learn more about another person up to a point, but often decide that's quite enough, thanks. In those cases where I decide this is actually someone I want to have in my life, for whatever reason, it's been a struggle for me to not just be willing to make myself vulnerable to them by expressing it, but even to admit it to myself. To admit I might want that.

I do get guys asking me out quite regularly however, and as Maleficent stated they are jerks or people I'm just not interested in. So strangely, it doesn't really matter how I dress so long as I'm neat and hygenic (I normally wear everything a size too big and not much of it is feminine).

Exactly - I think my thought on the matter would be that how a girl dresses is definitely not the issue.*

*perhaps - perhaps! - I took an awfully long time to get there.

[MadmanMSU]

After reading this topic, I think the issue is not about dress or mannerisms. The issue is one of intelligence. Most INTJs tend to be fairly intellectual, and as such require at least a base level in our mates in order for attraction to occur. Possibly the reason you find it so hard to find people that you can be attracted to is because you're basically fishing for the 10%-15% of the population that fits those ideals. Small pool to pick from.

[Amphorian]

Sounds like me! Although I also wear jumpers from the men's section of the clothes shop, when I can get away with it. Plus it worries guys when they see a girl wearing what they're wearing!
I do get guys asking me out quite regularly however, and as Maleficent stated they are jerks or people I'm just not interested in. So strangely, it doesn't really matter how I dress so long as I'm neat and hygenic (I normally wear everything a size too big and not much of it is feminine).

I wear men clothes, simply because I don't like much of the selection in the woman area. I typically wear one skirt per year, and a dress once every few years. Oh I can dress up nice, but that's with a more plain top that has some flair and some pinstrip pants. I just like my cargo jeans, T-shirts, trip pants and overshirts too much. >w<

But! I tried to get out of my shell a bit though! It didn't work even with the help of my little sister. ._. Okay so I got a plain magentia and purple shirts... at least I added some color. >_>;





Amphorian added to this post, 1 minutes and 25 seconds later...

After reading this topic, I think the issue is not about dress or mannerisms. The issue is one of intelligence. Most INTJs tend to be fairly intellectual, and as such require at least a base level in our mates in order for attraction to occur. Possibly the reason you find it so hard to find people that you can be attracted to is because you're basically fishing for the 10%-15% of the population that fits those ideals. Small pool to pick from.

Don't care about intelligence as much as them having a passion and common sense. I like mates that want to enjoy life and live it. I can getting my talking done through friends and forums.

[liquidzilla]

I wear men clothes, simply because I don't like much of the selection in the woman area. I typically wear one skirt per year, and a dress once every few years. Oh I can dress up nice, but that's with a more plain top that has some flair and some pinstrip pants. I just like my cargo jeans, T-shirts, trip pants and overshirts too much. >w<

But! I tried to get out of my shell a bit though! It didn't work even with the help of my little sister. ._. Okay so I got a plain magentia and purple shirts... at least I added some color. >_>;





Amphorian added to this post, 1 minutes and 25 seconds later...



Don't care about intelligence as much as them having a passion and common sense. I like mates that want to enjoy life and live it. I can getting my talking done through friends and forums.
Definitely how I feel. I can dress up, I have done so (for my end of school prom a few years ago I wore a fancy red dress) but I love my casual clothing. Men's clothing can actually suit women too, my male friend said I looked good and I was wearing a man's jumper!

Exactly - I think my thought on the matter would be that how a girl dresses is definitely not the issue.*

*perhaps - perhaps! - I took an awfully long time to get there.
I think so long as she dresses with the right colour combination and her clothing is clean and neat then a woman can wear anything and still look good.

[Amphorian]

Definitely how I feel. I can dress up, I have done so (for my end of school prom a few years ago I wore a fancy red dress) but I love my casual clothing. Men's clothing can actually suit women too, my male friend said I looked good and I was wearing a man's jumper!

I know right? Interestingly enough, guys find females in male clothing 'cute' per se. It's because it's just that bit baggy but hugs our frame a bit. Badass down-to-Earth mystery woman~ :p

[Deliberator]

In my mind, the guys who say they just "don't know what to do with you" aren't the types you'd want to stick around with anyway. You are an exceptional woman, so you aren't going to find an exceptional guy right off the bat.

[Zsych]

@Amphorian: What do you mean by 'guys who have common sense'?

I relate common sense with S types :P

[Amphorian]

@Amphorian: What do you mean by 'guys who have common sense'?

I relate common sense with S types :P

Uh? S types only use common sense? That's a new one for me! Read up a bit on Thomas Paine and you'll get my drift.

[Maleficent]

In my mind, the guys who say they just "don't know what to do with you" aren't the types you'd want to stick around with anyway. You are an exceptional woman, so you aren't going to find an exceptional guy right off the bat.

Don't I know it :-P Haha, an exceptional guy...do they even exist...unmarried, straight, not an exceptional player nor a complete jerk, that are at least average looking? Oh and are interested/attracted to me (for more than a sexual encounter) and vice versa? I suppose so, but I'm not in the habit of looking or putting myself out there. Catch 22.

[liquidzilla]

I know right? Interestingly enough, guys find females in male clothing 'cute' per se. It's because it's just that bit baggy but hugs our frame a bit. Badass down-to-Earth mystery woman~ :p

Very true! It's strange and yet makes sense. (Maybe they feel closer because of our clothing and so find us less unattainable? Not the nicest thing to think, but it could be true).

[Prunesquallor]

I loathe girly clothing, though I do occasionally wear skirts when it's too hot for pants, but I have very blonde hair and so I get the 'you must be a ditz' treatment a fair bit. Not so much lately - I think my death stare is getting better.

To an extent I agree with larkin - not conveying interest is probably a big hurdle here. Although, in my experience, guys can take the strangest things as encouragement... But it certainly happens that people react badly, confused, when someone is not as simple as their exterior. It makes it harder to be in control of the situation, can smack of deception to the cautious, and just generally unsettles people.

[Maddy]

P.S: Purses suck. I have a...not sure how to describe it. The strap goes across my body, not over the shoulder and can fit my clipboard and school stuff. I guess it's like a laptop bag but not so big you risk injuring those around you when you pivot. Whatever those are called.

like a mail-carrier bag? To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

i have some of those. they're efficient.

[Silverity]

like a mail-carrier bag? To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

i have some of those. they're efficient.

Yes! Haha, thank you. I like something I can carry my academic or artistic tools around in because I never know when I might want to write something down or sketch a quick drawing.

[AnnaKatherine]

I always dress nice even if I'm going to a gas station. I also love dresses that cover everything. I'd wear them everyday if I could. Because I don't let my goodies hang all over the place, people tend think that I'm the 50s house wife type. Consequently, I attract guys that think I'd be a great trophy to stick in the kitchen for the rest of my life. They're always shocked when they get in a conversation with me & find out I'm quite the opposite. After that, they quickly move on to some one else.