how do INTJ's deal with being the center of attention?

[sherm]

I'm curious as to how INTJ's deal with being the center of attention. I find myself straddling between the two types but leaning towards the dreaded "P," which I believe lends itself in this regard to me generally preferring to hold out stubbornly, rather than simply going along with all the hoopla. In social situations, and especially at school here at UCSB where I find myself the center of attention more often than I would like, this manifests in me being rather quiet-despite all signs saying my input would be appreciated-and sadly, working unconsciously against all that I would otherwise desire to participate in.

Are there any tricks of the trade worthy of an INT to turn the attention away from oneself in such scenarios, or is that more the domain of our extroverted brothers? Either way, I'd be all ears to suggestions; as I can tell that in the future this tendency of mine will be something I'll need to overcome, or it will necessarily cause me to abet the status quo through indifference.

[themuzicman]

I have developed something of a "larger than life" charming kind of persona that helps me to deal with this kind of situation. I've done some public speaking, and this persona was necessary to do that, so when I get to be the center of attention, that persona comes out.

I've actually found that embracing being the center of attention causes it to defuse fairly painlessly, especially if you look to graciously draw others into the spotlight.

[Luciferi]

It depends what I am doing. If it is an informal social situation, I don't mind it at all. If it is some kind of formal performance, then I psych myself out. Public speaking doesn't really bother me too much as long as I am speaking on a topic that I am knowledgeable enough about that I don't need notes or have to memorise anything because then I can just feel as though I'm carrying on a normal conversation. I am generally fine in a theatrical performance IF I am blinded by the footlights. I do not like feeling as though I am being stared at so better if I can't see the audience. However, I have not been able to sing publicly for years because there is nothing to do when you are singing except look straight at the people who are staring at you. :scared:

[rickster]

I hate being the center of attention with a passion, and having a very strong personality creates more problems than it solves sometimes. I clearly remember the trauma of my fourth birthday party with strangers fussing over me: I felt like a pet being tortured.

While I have no problems with public speaking or taking charge of a group if it's about getting a job done, in my private social life I prefer to hang with, and date, people who are chronic attention seekers. :)

[Hjordis]

It depends what I am doing. If it is an informal social situation, I don't mind it at all. If it is some kind of formal performance, then I psych myself out. Public speaking doesn't really bother me too much as long as I am speaking on a topic that I am knowledgeable enough about that I don't need notes or have to memorise anything because then I can just feel as though I'm carrying on a normal conversation. I am generally fine in a theatrical performance IF I am blinded by the footlights. I do not like feeling as though I am being stared at so better if I can't see the audience. However, I have not been able to sing publicly for years because there is nothing to do when you are singing except look straight at the people who are staring at you. :scared:I can't do it informally at all, but formally I can do it as long as, like you said, I can't see the audience. Or I guess it's more like I have to be physically separated from the audience, because even if I can see the audience if I'm on stage I'm fine. I can also do public speaking, but I come across as more nervous than I really am when I do so, mainly because I just naturally appear nervous.

[Muadib]

I hate being the centre of attention for an extended time, so I either come off as gruff to drive people away or I have the persona of the Cavalry Officer...arrogant, self-righteous, somewhat a gentleman, entertaining, and showy. This usually helps me play my way through complicated social encounters





Muadib added to this post, 0 minutes and 35 seconds later...

I spend alot of my work being the centre of attention...having 30 people who do what I say at the drop of a word does that.

[Vagrant]

My ENTP mask is always handy -- I'll simply make a quick joke, or divert attention elsewhere.

[jndiii]

I'm curious as to how INTJ's deal with being the center of attention. I find myself straddling between the two types but leaning towards the dreaded "P," which I believe lends itself in this regard to me generally preferring to hold out stubbornly, rather than simply going along with all the hoopla. In social situations, and especially at school here at UCSB where I find myself the center of attention more often than I would like, this manifests in me being rather quiet-despite all signs saying my input would be appreciated-and sadly, working unconsciously against all that I would otherwise desire to participate in.

Are there any tricks of the trade worthy of an INT to turn the attention away from oneself in such scenarios, or is that more the domain of our extroverted brothers? Either way, I'd be all ears to suggestions; as I can tell that in the future this tendency of mine will be something I'll need to overcome, or it will necessarily cause me to abet the status quo through indifference.

In no way do INTJs "go along with all the hoopla." Just saying. The real q on J vs P for you is whether you feel a drive to organize your ideas for presentation, or do you want to just say what's on your mind and let people take it as is. The latter is P, the former is J.

How to turn the attention away from oneself? It's easy: say exactly what you think, in the exact order you think it. Only fellow INTx's will follow you, and they're happy to comply with your wishes and ignore you anyway. Everyone else will quickly learn to ignore everything you say. Unfortunately, the social cost of such behavior is very high, as is any kind of behavior that attempts to deflect genuine attention away from you.

It's good that you recognize the need to deal with attention. We do it best (both INTJ and INTP) by preparation and organization. The main difference between the types is that INTPs really don't like the preparation and organization at all, so they'll find it very difficult.

Once you're prepared and organized, especially if you're an INTJ, you are totally in control. As long as folks need something from you (i.e., they're paying attention to you and want to pay attention to you), you will always be able to provide what they need. Most questions have very simple answers, and complex questions are an INTJ strength.

Personally, I find that I don't need a mask, so long as I'm inside my comfort zone. For many INTJs, adding people puts things outside the comfort zone, but really, it's no different, especially if you're not having to deal with xSFx types, and can generally say things in ways that others understand you. If you're the center of attention, then it's not about small talk, so you just say what you think instead of typing it on your computer keyboard, and you're good.

[Mader]

Do I want to be the center of attention?
Am I prepared to be the center of attention?

If yes, then I do fine.
If no, I tend to crawl under the table, or leave.

[Chicago]

There are too many variables to consider. If I am to become the center of attention because for instance I trip over my shoe-laces in a crowded area, I do hate it so.

However, if I am the center of attention because I am defending a firmly held belief or doing something I consider worthwhile, then I am fine with it. I rarely lock up under attention in either scenario, but it would be nice to always be singled out for brilliance or contribution, ha.

[Amphorian]

Run and hide or wiggle myself out of being the center of attention. In small groups or one on one I don't mind it so much though.

[Necrosis]

Depends. Center of attention in what scenario? If I'm drunk and partying I don't really care, I'll do what makes people laugh. If it's at work and I'm being praised, have to be humble. If it's with friends being stupid, tell them to buzz off.

[comamind]

I've created another personality type / mask for these situations where - back in the days - I had to speak to a greater audience in school I would simply switch from the quiet thinker to a shallow and funny person which get's the whole group laughing.

In the end I don't give a shit. If I can't avoid the situation I'll certainly just give everything I can and either they take it or not. Not giving a shit was always helpful to me. (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. comes to mind there ...)

[Evangelist]

I find I am pulled to the center for my competence, despised for being competent and then told to be more humble and move back to the shadows. I find working behind the scenes helps me to be competent without a spotlight. When I am demanded to be in the forefront, I make sure everyone understands that I have no problem handing off the project RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF IT just incase your attitude is a bit funky.

[brecia]

it depends.if i 'm with people i love. then i want them to spoil me.i enjoy hearing their praises.i want to hear they say that i'm perfect etc...just for fun.i accept their jokes and enjoy the moment.
but if i'm in a large group of people ,in a formal gathering etc... i want to be invisible.
it is a torture being the center of attention.

[Samoan Corleone]

Knowing you're the centre of attention can be either scary or empowering, depending on how you look at it. I was always comfortable with public speaking and giving presentations at High School, because I was talking and the audience were listening. I was showing that I wasn't going to back down from them.

[sherm]

I appreciate the responses, and I preface that in earnest this question has been directed to help me understand the community I live in here at UCSB. I live in a very, very, very social community of all students (especially since it is summer here and some aren't in school giving plenty of leisure), and the fact that I would prefer to play video games, read about things that would generally be considered esoteric, and other such non-mainstream activities, has been driving people wild out here. The former, plus the fact that after a couple drinks I become less inhibited in speaking my mind, presents a rather confusing contrast to people. They seem to genuinely like my feigned or revealed extraverted nature while drinking, but can not understand how or why I would go days without speaking at all. On top of that, I seem to drives a lot of the guys in the community up the wall because I refuse to participate in their little social games. On that note, I wonder if anyone has heard of Michael Kimmel's "Guyland," which sums up modern adolescence and the young adult period as one characterized by never having matured beyond the high school locker room mentality of brotherhood through conformity.

As an example of what I mean by being the center of attention, please let me know what you think of this recurring scenario of the past few weeks: Weekends, and I am home alone. My roommate is doing his own thing, and my housemate is off trying to chase a girl he'd been attempting for some time. Because no one was around my place, and I didn't feel like drinking, I decided to sleep early-a rather reasonable decision in my eyes. As soon as I turn all the lights out in the house, my neighbors as far as I could hear were all talking about "that guy, who thinks he's better than everyone" and saying all kinds of derogatory comments about me. This isn't a pity thread, not in the slightest; I generally laugh when I hear their comments as I have absolutely no control and shouldn't really even have influence over them. However, I don't believe the conversation generally shifts from me till I fell asleep a few hours later, and the subject still seems to be the same even today: me, my history, my desires, etc--unless I am out partying with everyone. I feel that I am presently my community's favorite topic, a very sad thing for a college campus; even for "the party school, UCSB."

It's gotten to the point where I haven't gone anywhere but the library and class for awhile now, and yet I still am everyone's favorite topic. I find it funny that non-nt's (I wish they were more common, though I'd probably find myself taking that comment back if it were realized, haha) need to have a social catalyst of sorts--for clarification on this, enjoy "the IT crowd," which really is brilliant. Couple that with me being physically constructed similarly to the main character, Moss, and there is a recipe for instant social awkwardness when in group scenarios.

Sadly, this has turned into more of a vent than anything and I apologize for that. But in light of this as my standard, how do I detract attention away on this macro scale, and deal with it where it necessarily pops up on the micro level? As it so often does in class where I'm only interested in notes, and then the breezy side of the door. Le sigh. It'd be interesting if I were dealing with minions or something of that nature lol, but I can barely think in my house these days due to incoming signals/information/attention. I don't want to be making a big deal out of this, but I feel the same applies in reverse? If that makes any sense.





sherm added to this post, 12 minutes and 49 seconds later...



It's good that you recognize the need to deal with attention. We do it best (both INTJ and INTP) by preparation and organization. The main difference between the types is that INTPs really don't like the preparation and organization at all, so they'll find it very difficult.

Once you're prepared and organized, especially if you're an INTJ, you are totally in control. As long as folks need something from you (i.e., they're paying attention to you and want to pay attention to you), you will always be able to provide what they need. Most questions have very simple answers, and complex questions are an INTJ strength.



These make me feel as if I am a P, sadly. While I do enjoy preparation in areas I have a vested interest in, generally I will use whatever fills in the requirements of the time, rather than perfecting an approach. That's not to say I don't do the latter, but if that's what makes the difference then P it is. Still, I like to believe that the X has some significance





sherm added to this post, 16 minutes and 19 seconds later...

I hate being the center of attention with a passion, and having a very strong personality creates more problems than it solves sometimes. I clearly remember the trauma of my fourth birthday party with strangers fussing over me: I felt like a pet being tortured.

While I have no problems with public speaking or taking charge of a group if it's about getting a job done, in my private social life I prefer to hang with, and date, people who are chronic attention seekers. :)

Do you feel like chronic attention seekers are searching out you for their need to be liked, or are you searching them out for their intense desire for intimacy, which then you can willingly reciprocate, If it is a goal you care about?

[Amphorian]

It's an interesting think to note, the absence of or being different attracts attention. Being part of the norm or a drone doesn't...

[rickster]

Do you feel like chronic attention seekers are searching out you for their need to be liked, or are you searching them out for their intense desire for intimacy, which then you can willingly reciprocate, If it is a goal you care about?

You know, I'd never really given it a lot of thought until a few people pointed it out to me - rather disparagingly too. Chronic attention seekers seem to bring out a lot of negativity and jealousy, that's for sure.

For my part I had no idea that they have an intense desire for intimacy, but now that you mention it that might be a component in our mutual attraction. Guess I've always just put it down to "opposites attract". Their neediness doesn't faze me at all: I'm more likely to find it amusing. In a relationship I think there can only be one "star of the show", and I'd rather not be it!

[t3hrubikscube]

I absolutely hate being the center of attention. I don't like the spotlight. It makes me very nervous.

I suppose I do like being recognized/acknowledged if I've done something good, but even that makes me uncomfortable. I'm a very 'behind the scenes' sort of person.

[pandora]

I hate being the center of attention. Unfortunately one of my jobs requires it and so I either prepare endlessly and put on a mask to get through it or just go with what I have and turn the tables and make them the focus. I will avoid speaking on subjects that I have minimal knowledge of just to hear myself talk. I also go for a long walk or a swim after to decompress. I have a sibling who sucks the air out of a room in her efforts to claim a presence and I usually leave the room shortly after she comes into the same room. It is a good thing we live in opposite ends of the country.

When at gatherings (another not fun activity for me) I will either go for a short period of time or go and take breaks from the larger group or people for short periods. If it is a new group of people I tend not to drink as I need to be sure of my surroundings and able to leave under my own steam.

I've started Kimmel's "Guyland" but haven't finished it - that's this fall's project. Have you read C.J. Pascoe's "Dude, you're a fag: Masculinity and sexuality in high school"? Unfortunately it is another I've started but with deadlines for stuff I haven't been able to finish it.

good luck

[lucyinthefknsky]

I rarely put myself in the center of attention willingly, but sometimes it is needed so that my tasks may be completed. For example, taking charge of a group because I feel that others would be incompetent. When thrust into the center of attention I find it best to stay true to my wants and wishes. Accomplish the task at hand to please yourself. If you are confident in your goals, then the criticism of others should be pushed aside. Speak concisely and confidently.

If you are put in a situation that you feel you are incompetent to handle, acknowledge this and ask for help. If you have no relevant input, do not attempt to make it up on the spot. Prepare, prepare, prepare. INTJs sometimes have difficulty admitting their less-than-perfect knowledge. If you admit to your short-comings the attention will be diverted immediately. Prepare for the next time. Take notes when others are talking (if you are in a discussion-type setting) of what you think about the topic, so when it is your turn to talk, you are prepared. When talking, speak slowly and steady. Do not babble. Properly end your thoughts, do not trail off. Confidence is key.

Another way to divert attention is to ask a question, that way others will talk and discuss and the attention is more-so on them.

I hoped that helped. I'm not sure exactly of the situation you are finding yourself in.

I have found what works for me in a discussion class is to speak up close to the beginning and let others build upon your ideas, rather than you having to build off of their ideas, which you are less familiar with.





lucyinthefknsky added to this post, 16 minutes and 54 seconds later...



As soon as I turn all the lights out in the house, my neighbors as far as I could hear were all talking about "that guy, who thinks he's better than everyone" and saying all kinds of derogatory comments about me.

As it so often does in class where I'm only interested in notes, and then the breezy side of the door. Le sigh.



[

I am not sure if this will work for you, but little things you do in passing could greatly impact how others view you. Whether or not you care what they think, presenting yourself in a slightly different manner may divert their attention to other victims. (Sadly, I know how these people can be.)

When in public/class/library, any time you may pass people try to look happy. I know this sounds silly, but people recognize your discontent. Sitting in class or at the library take time to smile once in a while. Imagine things that make you happy on your walk to class. Just look carefree.

I often times find myself scowling when around crowds of people. I have also seen others do this. It draws attention to you. It makes your presence noticeable and bothersome to others. They may think, "Why is he so unhappy? He must hate us all. What an asshole. He thinks he's so much better than us."

When you pass those you know, smile. Acknowledge their presence. You don't have to speak to them, just show them that you aren't avoiding them.

It's difficult, and somewhat of a mask, but if it makes your life easier it is worth it.

[Sxq]

Oooooh I hate it. I get extremely self-conscious and awkward, I laugh too much, I can't speak clearly... it isn't pretty.

[Silverity]

Oooooh I hate it. I get extremely self-conscious and awkward, I laugh too much, I can't speak clearly... it isn't pretty.

Haha, yeah me too. I also develop a stutter. That said, if I choose to be the centre, say, I'm telling a story or whatnot I somehow radiate charisma and charm and get through it amazingly well. I wish I could default to the latter but it seems the former behaviour is more my norm. Ohhh well. I've been told that it's cute when I lose all my poise and articulation >_<

[Abberation]

It seems that my reaction to being the center of attention is slightly different from the typical poster's: If I am in the company of people who can comprehend at least some of what I have to say, I enjoy being the center of attention, much the same way a person lost in the desert enjoys water. Upon receiving the attention of the bewildered herd, however, I feel not nervousness or self consciousness, but rather the desire for the liberty to use mild electric shocks or at least intimidation to disperse the babbling apes.
I have found that intentionally being a jerk helps to avoid awkwardness. People are less hurt and offended when they learn "I dont want to talk to this guy because he is inconsiderate." than when they learn "This guy doesn't want to talk to me because I am an imbecile."

[ProxyMe]

If being the center of attention is work related, and I am aware of the situation and informed, it is fine. I can lead when necessary because there is a task and focus outside the self.

However, in social situations where I am placed in the center of attention... a whole other story. Too many compliments or praises for something undeserving...I freeze up completely, it's like being on overload and I shut down.

[Deliberator]

In a nutshell:

"Hey, what's that over there?" *runs*

[iglookazoo]

Depends on what it is, though most of the time, I try to avoid it as much as possible. When it does happen, I just take it, be it for something good (say, an award) or bad (doing something really stupid and getting called out for it).

[pistachio]

the only times i usually allow myself to be the center of attention is when im in some kind of formal (or informally serious) discussion..

symptoms include stuttering and head-swimming.. BUT I WILL NOT SAY "LIKE" OUT OF CONTEXT GODAMMIT! because i hate that :)

i usually stutter anyway though

[Blse]

Might seem odd, but in large structued group settings I enjoy it. It's energy consuming, yes, but I find it fun. That's why I love teaching.

[daydreamer]

center of attention... the very words make me cringe.

throughout my life i have been in front of people doing things for a variety fo reasons. so long as i have a reason, and it's my reason, then it's ok. spontaneously being the center of someone else's attention or a group's - ... i have real trouble and have not learned to deal with this.

[Nomadic]

I also have a public speaking persona, which became necessary for work purposes. In my personal life I've avoided almost all reasons to become the focal point of attention, including my own wedding - as the bride I wore regular trousers and top and had two friends stand as witnesses at city hall. We hadn't even brought a camera (one of my friends had the foresight to give me a single rose instead of a bouquet and she photographed the event). That's how averse I am to receiving attention. :p