Leaving a 'literary' footprint

[PortInStorm]

Do any of you have diaries/personal writings? And if so, do you keep ithem locked away/passworded? Do you worry about others finding them after you die? Do you wish some would find it to know how you truly felt? Do you worry about your thoughts being lost forever, so give the key for someone to open after you die? Do you instead write letters to the people you love to read should you die unexpectedly?

I've got diaries going back about 10 years, and though they're a great personal history for me, I worry about them being destroyed by a fire etc, and about someone finding my uncensored thoughts of discouragement, bliss, prayers, without me there with the current view, or to temper the blow. At the same time, the recollections and real feeling might comfort those left behind, or clarify any doubts they had about my feelings.

[Merle]

I have tried over and over again to keep a journal- but it always degenerates into plain old descriptions of things I've done... I find it impossible to write down what I actually feel about things, I actually get panicky if I try - the fear of someone reading them is too great - I write poetry sometimes - I would never show anyone, but I feel like it's more cryptic, and if anyone did find it and read it I have the get-out-clause of saying it's not really about me anyway - it's something I made up.
I used to write hundreds and hundreds of letters - we moved all around the world when I was growing up and I kept in touch with friends that way, but I wrote about 50 times more letters than I actually sent - I suppose those were a journal in a way, but when I moved into my university accomodation I didn't have room for all my stuff and had to leave a lot at my parents' house - so I got rid of the letters because I was worried that my mum would read them all.
I'm a pathologically secretive person lol

[JTG]

I'm a pathologically secretive person lol

Yeah... me too. I have a journal-like thing floating out there on the internet. I've had it for six years now, and nobody else knows where it is. I don't document my thoughts/feelings on paper or even in a file on my computer (where somebody i know could stumble across it by accident)

I also VERY rarely share any kind of relationship information with anybody who knows the girl i'm interested in or seeing. I've never brought a girl i was dating home for my parents to meet. If i confide in a friend about a romantic situation, i make sure ahead of time that they don't know the girl, and that the two don't share the same circles, so there's no way what i say could get back to the girl. For some reason, part of me thinks being open about certain stuff would alter the way the girl sees me or something.

I wonder what it is about INTJ that makes us so fiercely secretive.

[AgentofGaming]

I have essays written for entertainment and messages that I keep but decide not to send out but not anything too personal, such a thing would be a liability to me and feel like maintenance.

Despite being a strong introvert I don't consider myself secretive.
I may not tell people what I think or want from them but if they want to know something about me I don't hesitate (provided that there will be no damage).
Often though I don't tell people my objectives because I want them to figure it out for themselves as it'd be easier for me and them.

[PortInStorm]

I totally get the 'secretive' part... but do you worry that it's so secretive that people might misunderstand you after you die, or that important information will be lost? Seeing as no one knows where you put your 'real self' (your thoughts), or they were discarded?

[AgentofGaming]

My thoughts are on the Internet, or on notepad so I don't have to remember them.
Sometimes I am afraid to lose a thought so I write it down, but come back later to see it's not significant.
What I want is people to piece the real me together from my actions, and considerations. I want them to understand me through observations, describing the way I work is well... language can't describe everything.
I think you can get a feel of a person by the way they write for extended periods without even meeting them. I just need to be picked up in a similar manner, through observation and experience.

I have tried to explain to relatives but either they find my views either too naive (they think it's stupid fears) or I take a long time to elaborate and in the end they find it too abstract. Some relatives get it without me telling them and we get along quite well like.
Writing these down won't explain fully, but what I can describe I am writing here right now. :) So actually here's my literary trail
Typically if I search the Internet bits of me once past are everywhere, google sure kills privacy.

[Merle]

To Second Time Student:
Um, I think the way I feel about it is that this way I am in control of the information people have aboutme, and that I can therefore in some small way control how they view me...
I remember having an argument in an English class at school once about biography... about whther or not it is disrespectful to the subject... I got very wound up about it- I brought up Katharine Hepburn and was saying that she wrote an autobiography that may not have been the truth but which represented what she wanted the world to think she was like... and that to then write some exposee after her death was hugely disrespectful to her...
I know it's ridiculous to think that you can control how other people think of you... but I can't help but want to, and to think that I should be able to...

[PortInStorm]

To Second Time Student:
Um, I think the way I feel about it is that this way I am in control of the information people have aboutme, and that I can therefore in some small way control how they view me...
I remember having an argument in an English class at school once about biography... about whther or not it is disrespectful to the subject... I got very wound up about it- I brought up Katharine Hepburn and was saying that she wrote an autobiography that may not have been the truth but which represented what she wanted the world to think she was like... and that to then write some exposee after her death was hugely disrespectful to her...
I know it's ridiculous to think that you can control how other people think of you... but I can't help but want to, and to think that I should be able to...
No I think that's something people should think of, and I very much agree with you about the post-mortem biography vs. her own version in an autobiography, and about the issue of control.

I guess I feel that I sometimes either chicken out, or for the good of the other, don't tell people how I really feel about them, and that these records might tell them for me? Perhaps, being a J, I wish solid confirmation of what others might suspect about me, from experience, my work etc. I don't want them to feel like I left things 'unfinished'- can you imagine anything worse?

But as I noted, I do feel worried about not being there to 'spin' it- ie. not having control of their subsequent version of me. That's why I was thinking of a post-mortem letter to the people I care about- control, but it still communicates my feelings in no uncertain terms.

[OneBadMother]

I've had two LJs and a few attempts at diaries, but never bothered to check/write in them for very long. Much of my thoughts and information are stored in my head, and writing them down actually makes me more apt to lose them. For instance, I haven't written down a character idea because I'm afraid it'll become too static and I'll lose it if I do. If other people are really curious about me, they could just do a huge and invasive internet search. But... only after I'm dead. <_<

[MintNut]

I've got diaries going back about 10 years, and though they're a great personal history for me, I worry about them being destroyed by a fire etc, and about someone finding my uncensored thoughts of discouragement, bliss, prayers, without me there with the current view, or to temper the blow. At the same time, the recollections and real feeling might comfort those left behind, or clarify any doubts they had about my feelings.

Mine are all hand-written and go back to age 10 (I'm 33 now and still do a daily, handwritten journal). So, no kidding, about 23 years of a daily journal. It's a HUGE personal history for me and my biggest worry is also fire or water damage. I would never allow anyone to read them, even after death; they're for my personal reflection alone, and I sometimes go through them only to discover that at age 10 I was struggling with things/issues that are still struggles today - things haven't changed all that much.

This past holiday I asked for a fire-proof trunk to start putting my journals in, so if you have concerns about yours I'd suggest being proactive, especially if you have intentions of passing them along.

[bubbles]

I've been keeping a journal for about three years now. I've hand written stuff when I don't feel like typing, but mostly I type because I don't like to write. I'm somewhat of a privacy freak, but I'm not afraid of someone reading them since they're all password protected (and I've locked up the hand written ones in a trunk). I notice that when I write stuff by hand, I get more time to develop my thoughts so I can think more deeply and write better. It also feels more personal for some reason.

I wouldn't mind if people read my journals years later, even before I die, but I can't them read it now. People tend to be more understanding and less judgmental about things in the past.

[coffeeloverfreak]

I've got all sorts of journals, diaries, short stories, essays, poems, and writings of other sorts locked away - both physically (handwritten) and figuratively (digital files with passwords). I also have password files full of other passwords, since I have no memory. When I was a kid and used to write a lot at our family's shared computer, I had a habit of scrambling to cover the screen with my hands whenever someone would enter the room.

And yeah, I suppose if something horrible were to happen to me, I'd want them all to disappear in a poof of smoke. My private thoughts and imaginings would probably be horribly misinterpreted if others were to read them, and I would definitely not want that. I doubt I could bring myself to delete/throw them away, though; it would be like getting rid of a piece of myself. So I guess I have to pray I don't get hit by any buses anytime soon.

I also don't know what it is about "us" that makes us so secretive, but I definitely identify with those of you who do this. JTG, I'm like that with relationships too - fiercely private even to those close to me. I guess there's a part of me that prefers to live in my own head, rather than hear the dissection or analysis of my personal life that my friends would be bound to engage in.

That said, I do a lot of public writing too, and sometimes I feel that, between my blog, websites, Facebook profiles, forum entries, etc. - my life is something of an open book. Of course, that's just my public face, and I suppose I don't have much to hide, but I guess there's a part of me that wants attention and feedback and acknowledgment too.

So to sum up... well, I'm not sure what any of that means, other than we're all pretty complex human beings.

[Firelie]

Do any of you have diaries/personal writings? And if so, do you keep ithem locked away/passworded? Do you worry about others finding them after you die? Do you wish some would find it to know how you truly felt? Do you worry about your thoughts being lost forever, so give the key for someone to open after you die? Do you instead write letters to the people you love to read should you die unexpectedly?

I've got diaries going back about 10 years, and though they're a great personal history for me, I worry about them being destroyed by a fire etc, and about someone finding my uncensored thoughts of discouragement, bliss, prayers, without me there with the current view, or to temper the blow. At the same time, the recollections and real feeling might comfort those left behind, or clarify any doubts they had about my feelings.

Yeah, I have diaries and journals. I had a few handwritten ones between the ages of 8 and 18 (when I finally got one online) that I wrote in sporadically (the ones from when I was 8 are quite amusing to read). Over the last six years, I've had an LJ.

I wouldn't say I worry about people finding them after I die. I actually don't care if people read it whether I'm dead or alive. I hadn't thought about writing letters to people, but that would be an interesting thing to do.

I used to be worried about dying unexpectedly and none of my online friends knowing what happened to me, but now that I don't really talk to anyone anymore...lol

[yam]

I have diaries. Now I'm working on the third volume. I worry?? I think I should. But, I write it in English. My parents and my brother don't know much about this language, because they usually speak in our native language.
The only thing that I need to worry is if there's a tourist who suddenly comes to my bedroom and reads it...

[Yossarian]

I have kept fairly consistent journals for the last 3 years with some of my deepest thoughts. All events and people mentioned have code names and cryptic references, just in case my best friend forgets to burn them when I die...

[Zilal]

I write personal stuff all over the place... notebooks, .doc files, an anonymous blog... I used to be concerned about people finding the stuff, but I've stopped caring in the past few months. I know a lot of the thoughts of them are intense and even bizarre, and might very well change the way people think about me, but I like to think that "true" friends wouldn't care so much. In short, I don't care as much what others think of me. Maybe I'm getting older.

[PortInStorm]

I guess for me the secretive part comes when there's a particularly beautiful part of my inner life that I really cherish (what an NF word!). I want to keep it in the glass case of myself to keep it from airbourne contaminants (others' opinions etc.)

[Santana28]

i've got journals... when i was younger, i wrote plain old text documents on my 486 and saved them to floppy disks i still have (some of which are corrupted). later on, i saved them in different formats. i have a couple of blogs online, including mypace... i tried to write for a short time in an actual journal book - but my handwriting is atrocious and my hand starts to throb after 2 or 3 minutes of writing.

the problem i have is that even while it is much easier for me to express myself typing something, i still have a very difficult time trying to say exactly what processes in my mind. its like i have to "re-interpret" it, and its just a poor facsimile. writing by hand is almost impossible, because it takes me so long. i type 60-80 wpm... so thats not such a problem :)

i love to write. i just can't stay on topic, nor say things as eloquently as i hear them in my head...which sucks.

[JTG]

I have kept fairly consistent journals for the last 3 years with some of my deepest thoughts. All events and people mentioned have code names and cryptic references, just in case my best friend forgets to burn them when I die...

Sorry for the off topic... but i wish i had thought to try that name. Dude is one of my literary heroes

[Headstrong]

Do any of you have diaries/personal writings? Yes, in a notebook and online.

And if so, do you keep them locked away/passworded? My online one is passworded, but my pencil and paper one is hidden.

Do you worry about others finding them after you die? Yes, all the time. Makes me almost want to destroy them, but then I worry about forgetting my past...maybe that would be a good thing, though?

Do you wish some would find it to know how you truly felt? No.

Do you worry about your thoughts being lost forever, so give the key for someone to open after you die? No.

Do you instead write letters to the people you love to read should you die unexpectedly? No.

[Antares]

I kept an e-journal which I hardly write into except when I have strong feelings that can usually be expressed and released by writing. Otherwise, I've never really picked up the habit of journal writing and I want to start. Alas, I have yet to find a satisfactory diary for 2008 because I tend to write 1 - 2 pages for each day (in small cursive. Hard to read for most and gives me space to write more so in the end, yes, I write a lot. Don't get me wrong. My cursive is neat and only readable for those who can scrutinize), and they have at most 1 page. I don't like to experiment with normal notebooks because I don't know whether it would accomodate all my entries for the year and I hate bringing the year into a new notebook because it wouldn't be 'complete' (Must be my semi obssessive-compulsive habits).

Do any of you have diaries/personal writings? An e-journal.

And if so, do you keep them locked away/passworded? Passworded, and should I find a suitable diary, I'll write it in Latin so quite possibly, it would shorten my entries and keep most people from ever understanding it... And hide it, of course. Probably with a padlock :D

Do you worry about others finding them after you die? No. It's my lifestory, and I won't even be embarassed because I'd be quite dead. I don't care about anything after I die.

Do you wish some would find it to know how you truly felt? Sometimes. I'd wish that they'd find certain entries and not find the others... Haha. Unrealistic, I know.

Do you worry about your thoughts being lost forever, so give the key for someone to open after you die? Again, after I die, I don't really care what happens to me, or my possessions (given that they are in good hands and used for a good cause)

Do you instead write letters to the people you love to read should you die unexpectedly? No.