Are men doing most of the driving in relationships? [Archive]

Rei

02-01-2008, 07:46 AM

a slight side step on this subject...I keep wondering why with a couple in the car, invariably it's the male driving. Is this pandering to his ego...he's the better driver...?

Most times it's just that the female just doesn't enjoy driving.
But my mother, and her boss both drive their husbands :thumbsup:

I am inherently lazy... not that I don't like driving... but so whoever is with me will be driving. :)

Danisty

02-01-2008, 08:05 AM

a slight side step on this subject...I keep wondering why with a couple in the car, invariably it's the male driving. Is this pandering to his ego...he's the better driver...?I'm the better driver in my house, so my husband is almost always the passenger. That doesn't mean he doesn't get to drive though. I'm just a silent nervous wreck every time he does. Honestly, despite what other people say, I don't think men are such fantastic drivers and that women are crappy drivers. The women I've known always make me feel much more safe and comfortable as the passenger.

yondyr

02-01-2008, 01:44 PM

JTG

02-01-2008, 01:49 PM

On shorter trips i don't mind riding, as long as i think the driver is competent. I can distract myself long enough to get to the destination.

For longer trips, i'm either driving or sleeping.

Screaming and cursing behind the wheel are a definite yes. I'm the coolest, most laid back person you know until i'm stuck behind two old people going 5 miles under the speed limit and some aggressive jerk comes up from behind trying to cram himself into an already packed cluster of cars. Sometimes i scare passengers with a random outburst

Lucid

02-02-2008, 11:28 AM

This driving subject could be a new thread...However...
Interesting that we have already a few INTJ female drivers that do the majority of the driving. I do too, my partner loathes driving anywhere,California or here, but here he'd be consumed by road rage..aussie drivers are in the main, dreadful. While also an INTJ he lacks the patience for people who have no consideration for others. They don't bother me, though we always hope the frequent road hogs that put others in danger will be a smoking wreck round the next corner...and we would drive serenely by, guilt free at not assisting, glad that justice befell so swiftly.

I think whoever owns the car should drive it. When my male friends want to drive us both in their car that's fine with me, it's nice to have a break from driving (because I do a lot of it), but if we take my car then I drive unless there's some reason not to (like I've had too much to drink).

Sorry, derailed again. :embarassed:

JTG

02-02-2008, 07:28 PM

It's no longer a derail! :D The mods here actually do a decent job, haha. Most forums i go to are so unkempt, not to mention the rampant and unchecked butchering of the english language.

I think the matter of men driving more often when in mixed company is a sociological issue. Men are more often seen as the aggressive ones, as leaders, more likely to take action. Most girls i know like to be followers and let the man make most or all of the decisions (and moves, much to the detriment of my love life) when it comes to public interaction.

Personally, i just prefer to drive because i'm a control freak, untrusting in others' abilities. I'm so used to driving (normally alone) that sitting anywhere but behind the wheel feels alien to me. I know i drive well, and i'm comfortable when i drive, so why relinquish that position to somebody else?

Paul V

02-02-2008, 07:49 PM

Hah, not in my case. I don't drive. Whoever is with me must do the driving, unless it's an emergency and nobody else can do it.

Usually when it comes to married couples, each has their own car. And when they go out together, the man drives out of habit. It could also be a matter of control and all that.

yondyr

02-02-2008, 09:13 PM

woohoo, great, new thread, I WAS being messy but not sure driving was enough for a thread. Now...male drivers (rolls eyes) (then ducks) :))

lowbrass

02-02-2008, 09:23 PM

Driving is one of the things that make up the "leadership" portion of my INTJ being. In my teens, I earned the nickname "captain". Well, I did also start driving around age 13, so I had a leg up on my peers.

Maybe there is an ego thing, but maybe not. I've seen poor examples in both sexes, yet - despite the stereotype of the bad woman driver, they pay much less in terms of insurance than men, by far. Even when I had a clean driving record, my sister (6 years younger), with her accident points, paid less than I did, and she may have had more coverage than I.

If I'm on a date, then I want to drive, because, of course, as the onus of decision making IS on me. I'd love to have a mate that I could trust to drive, to be my 'co-pilot'. That'd mean she has to be competent to drive stick, or at least teachable. I won't drive an automatic unless/until I lose an arm and a leg.

If I'm in a relationship with a woman whose driving I can trust, then great. In my general experience, most people have preferred that I do the driving, and that's just fine by me.

ElstonGunn

02-02-2008, 10:28 PM

I won't drive an automatic unless/until I lose an arm and a leg.

Wait, is there any other reason to drive an automatic?

As for women's abilities in driving, I'm sure we've all done the image search on Google for "women drivers," right?

And isn't the insurance thing because men tend to drive more often than women, thereby increasing their chances of having an accident? Or is it just because men statistically take more risks when driving than women? I've heard both as explanations. Or it maybe women file fewer claims than men do when they ding their cars up. Or it might just be for the same reason that bars and nightclubs have ladies' nights. (:p Now I'm just getting silly.)

Solaris

02-02-2008, 10:57 PM

I agree with the point that whoever owns the car should drive it, unless there is clear reason for that not to happen. On a date, I would prefer the man drive. Whatever MBTI may say about my ENTJness, I like the man to at least appear in charge of things. I'm a very good navigator, and give good directions in a timely way (not "oh you needed to turn back there"), and I become quickly enraged behind the wheel by stupidity and poor direction giving. Therefore, I tend to have others drive -- when competent. As loyal as I am to my friends, several of them make me extremely nervous behind the wheel. I prefer not to be the passenger of these friends. As with everything else, my respect in this area must be earned as well.

yondyr

02-02-2008, 11:21 PM

Automatics are heaven!

ElstonGunn

02-02-2008, 11:28 PM

No way. But this is coming from a guy who is pretty sad that his car has power steering and power mirrors.

yondyr

02-02-2008, 11:37 PM

And this is coming from someone who drives a two ton van without p/s, a/c, let alone power windows. So when comes time to drive to town, thanks whatisname for the lil 1.3l Mazda metro with automatic, a/c, though I can live without power windows, just barely. :)

JTG

02-03-2008, 12:01 AM

As far as insurance differences go, i believe the reason that young women pay less than young men is that, statistically, while women are more likely to be in a car accident, the accidents men are in tend to be more destructive, and fatal more often than for women.

(Disclaimer: after reading the paragraph below, i decided that i should say ahead of time that a lot of it is based on stereotypes, in case somebody may take what i say as an assumption about them personally. While not always a super accurate way to judge people, stereotypes are common preconceptions for a reason. People tend to live up to stereotypes, or they would have different stereotypes, wouldn't they? :P)

My personal theory (assuming the "statistic" in the first part of the post is correct) is that men take more pride in driving ability because that's one of the criteria men judge each other on. Young men have a tendency to be hotheaded and reckless as well, so combine daring with a need to impress, and you have a riskier driver who could cause a serious accident. Women tend to have other things on their minds, in addition to not caring so much about driving ability as males. Lack of focus could mean higher risk of an accident but doesn't really make the driver much more dangerous.

lowbrass

02-03-2008, 12:09 AM

To a degree, maybe, until you factor the other stereotype about women and their lack of attention to car maintenance... :p

JTG

02-03-2008, 12:25 AM

Still, breaking down because you forgot to change the oil, or something lame like that, counts as a minor event to an insurance company. Running out of gas or not knowing how to change a flat won't tax the insurance company's pockets

(oh geez the stereotypes are scaring me... please don't hate me girls, haha)

yondyr

02-03-2008, 02:11 AM

Maybe general stereotypes, not INTJ females necessarily, all the more reason to hook up with one unless you want to feel strong, protective, Tarzan type.

Pinkie

02-03-2008, 05:02 AM

My mum doesn't enjoy driving, so she lets my dad do most of it because he loves it. Mum's a much more cautious driver, though, which is why Dad has written off two cars and Mum has crashed... none. *eyeroll*

PortInStorm

02-03-2008, 11:23 AM

I love doing the driving, and I learned on a standard, and that's my preference by a long mile. My husband actually said that was one of his criteria for a girlfriend :-) On topic though, my very feminine aunt (ESFx) once took me aside and whispered that a woman should always let a man drive. *snort*. I usually don't like being in the passenger seat because it's boring, and where do you put your hands- seriously! Folded neatly in your lap? Flung over an armrest like some kind of redneck?

Tokey41

02-03-2008, 11:46 AM

I'm a male and I don't really care who does it. I don't really enjoy it as much as some people so if I have a choice I just let the other person drive (might just be laziness).

ENFP is curious

02-03-2008, 02:02 PM

my INTJ guy and i usually take separate cars, for whatever reason. but, when we are in the car together, 9 out of 10 times it's me driving.

WavesSootheMe

02-04-2008, 12:02 AM

I absolutely despise driving and relinquish the chore to males and females alike whenever possible. My dislike of driving outweighs any potential symbolic power it represents. I'll take the lead elsewhere :)

James Revell

02-04-2008, 12:55 AM

I may be in the minority on this one. When my ESFJ wife and I are in the car together locally, which isn't that often, she's at the wheel. Longer trips and firsts are split evenly to somewhat in my favor. This is mainly since she dislikes my driving and I'm the more comprimising of us.

I'm a more experienced and generally safer driver, but I'm quick and have had far more speeding tickets over the years. She's been in several serious accidents (always others fault), while I've only been in minor fender benders (about half my fault). I'm experienced with a variety of vehicles (cars, motorcycles, watercraft, planes) and have done a fair bit of performance driving events, but she see's this as a negative if she's in the car (though oddly a plus if I'm driving alone).

I've known women who were great drivers, but my wife is just an average one. Some people think faster drivers are dangerous, even when the slower ones are the ones tailgating and not paying attention to the road.

Santana28

02-04-2008, 01:56 AM

haha... thats funny. i wear the pants in this relationship - and i also do most of the driving ;)

1) it's my car.
2) i can't stand letting him drive - he drives like a grandpa
3) i love driving. i'll drive anytime, any where, for any amount. i feel free.

now parking, is a whole nother issue. i used to drive down to chicago to visit a friend and i'd call him up and have him come out and parallel park my car for me :) i SUCK at parking... now thats gotta be a female trait for sure. i'm paranoid about hitting anything i cant see.

vaguely dissatisfied

02-04-2008, 06:27 AM

a slight side step on this subject...I keep wondering why with a couple in the car, invariably it's the male driving. Is this pandering to his ego...he's the better driver...?
It's pandering. "You teach people how to treat you."

quentin

02-04-2008, 07:32 AM

Yes. I drive. However, since I live in Taiwan, I don't drive a car (the traffic would be un-navigatable if I did). I drive a scooter like the other 95% of the population. This has certain advantages if you have a partner seated on the back while you drive in front. There's nothing quite like the feeling of her wrapping her arms around your torso while pressing her front against your back. Maybe some of y'all who've taken their girlfriends for a spin on the motorcycle can understand how it can be uniquely erotic experience.

Santana28

02-04-2008, 08:17 AM

Rick

02-04-2008, 08:35 AM

Santana, drop the pants and switch to a dress. It's sexier.

Forget about parking. Cars are coming out that will parallel park themselves (no kidding).

Santana28

02-04-2008, 08:42 AM

Santana, drop the pants and switch to a dress. It's sexier.

Forget about parking. Cars are coming out that will parallel park themselves (no kidding).

Personally, i'd much rather let him wear the pants... but he seems to prefer the dress ;(

i guess thats what i get for being attracted to either excessively masculine or excessively feminine guys.

rwyatt365

02-04-2008, 08:43 AM

Rick

02-04-2008, 08:57 AM

I agree with Rwyatt regarding letting the owner do the driving.

Santana, find a partner - not a bossy guy or a subordinate. You'll be happier. Better yet, find a friend first and make him a partner.

James Revell

02-04-2008, 09:10 AM

I agree with the "(S)he who owns the car, drives the car" approach. Anyone that has ever asked to drive my car always gets the following question; "When you pay my car payment and insurance premium, then you can drive my car". That usually stops them from asking a second time.

I also LOVE driving! Like Santana, it doesn't take any convincing for me to jump in the car and go somewhere.

I think the principle of letting the owner driver the car is largely why I let me wife drive when we're together, since we usually take her SUV instead of my two seater. I don't have a problem letting others drive one of my vehicles since I'm so rarely asked, and on long trips I actually prefer sharing driving.

How many INTJ's love driving, maybe even to an abnormal level?

I know I do, and I badly wanted the freedom of being able to drive even before I could. Now I'm almost a freak for mastering different types of vehicles (motorcycles, boats, planes), sometimes even when I don't have a real need for the skill. I've had to hold myself back from getting a class C driving endorsement and flying helicopters.

PortInStorm

02-04-2008, 09:40 AM

Lucid

02-04-2008, 12:57 PM

now parking, is a whole nother issue. i used to drive down to chicago to visit a friend and i'd call him up and have him come out and parallel park my car for me :) i SUCK at parking... now thats gotta be a female trait for sure. i'm paranoid about hitting anything i cant see.

Parallel parking is easy once you know the trick. I used to be a delivery driver in downtown denver so I had to get really good at it really fast. Just pull up so your mirror is even with the mirror of the car in front of the space. Then back in at a 45 degree angle and straighten. That's all there is to it. ;D

James Revell

02-04-2008, 02:55 PM

I'm sorry, did you say boat *at attention*??? Please tell me that due to your avatar, you're into the wind kind?

Driving one of those suckers takes a whole new level of skill- and I do the driving there too :thumbsup:

Either kind actually, not that I chose the avatar with that in mind. Sailing is the more challenging of the two, but also the more difficult to me to find time for since my friends only have power boats. I used to bareboat in the carribean with the Baltimore sailing club.

Wolfie

02-04-2008, 03:27 PM

Haha. I watched a video in biology that said that men had a better sense of distance/direction; I'm better at driving than my 20 year old sister. I'm fourteen.

yondyr

02-04-2008, 07:09 PM

Then they would make excellent navigators, cept I'm kinda disturbed when my partner rotates the map when I turn a corner...hmmmm

Wapiti

02-04-2008, 09:20 PM

I do all of the driving when with my wife. I cannot stand it when she drives, I think I drive better drunk than she does sober - not that I drive drunk but when I've had a few drinks is the only time she drives, and I still can't stand it. I wish I could stand her driving because I wouldn't mind being the passenger some of the time. I don't care male or female driver, just as long as you are a competent driver I don't care, I'd be happy to be the passenger. I do like driving myself but I've got a heavy foot thats going to get me in serious trouble one of these days.

Danisty

02-07-2008, 07:29 AM

My mom is 66 and she's never been in a car accident and she's only had one ticket her whole life.

Staralfur

02-26-2008, 12:47 AM

I don't like driving. Though I'm young and haven't driven much in my life so that's a part of it. I just feel so nervous behind the wheel, moreso when someone is in the car with me - so my boyfriend always drives unless he feels sick or is impaired.

Haha. I watched a video in biology that said that men had a better sense of distance/direction; I'm better at driving than my 20 year old sister. I'm fourteen.

This however does not hold true for us! He has the worst sense of direction I've ever known lol. We go to the same restaurants time and time again and half the time he'll make a wrong turn unless I'm paying attention and go "nooo stop!!". And before I payed much attention he never really took the time to figure out the quickest way to get places so we'd take the long way most of the time. It drove me nuts. I've pestered him so much about it that he's getting better thankfully.

Santana28

02-26-2008, 10:05 AM

My mom is 66 and she's never been in a car accident and she's only had one ticket her whole life.

my grandmas that age and she's never had a ticket. i dont know how that is possible... i've had probably a dozen, a reckless (which wasn't even remotely my fault - it was the cops for almost running me off the road), i've had every variety of non-moving violation ticket there is... i've had my car booted...

i mean, seriously. how do you go 66 years without a ticket? i'm not even a bad driver! haha :)

Colette

02-26-2008, 10:15 AM

a slight side step on this subject...I keep wondering why with a couple in the car, invariably it's the male driving. Is this pandering to his ego...he's the better driver...?

Well yes, in my experience, men usually do like to do the driving, when a mixed couple are in the car together. I haven't always agreed to this; for I'm quite a good driver myself, and I like to share the task (especially if on a long journey).
I'm not sure why men like to drive, and (given recent debates on this forum), wouldn't even like to risk making an assumption here.

Perhaps the men could enlighten us? :)

rwyatt365

02-26-2008, 10:32 AM

Well yes, in my experience, men usually do like to do the driving, when a mixed couple are in the car together. I haven't always agreed to this; for I'm quite a good driver myself, and I like to share the task (especially if on a long journey).
I'm not sure why men like to drive, and (given recent debates on this forum), wouldn't even like to risk making an assumption here.

Perhaps the men could enlighten us? :)
Why do men like to drive? Oh boy! A chance to theorize and make statements without a shred of supporting evidence!! Woo hoo!

Theory 1;
Men are control-freaks and can’t stand to have anyone other than themselves drive. Doing so would compromise their desire to “be in charge”.

Theory 2;
Men are afraid that if someone else drives (and drives better than they do, then) they will be “shown up”, and they can’t take the humiliation of being out-driven by anyone – much less a “girl”. Their macho-man little pride will be devastated.

Theory 3;
Men are arrogant sumbitches and seek to flaunt their (imaginary) superiority in all things to the whole world by co-opting the role of driver (AKA, leader) for themselves.

Theory 4;
Through the highly developed skills, honed by eons of evolutionary selection, men have developed the finely-tuned motor skills necessary for proper and safe control of the motorcar. This, and this alone is the only reason why men have taken on the onerous task of driving, to conduct their loved ones to safety along the treacherous, and dangerous motorways of the world.

Pick one.

Colette

02-26-2008, 10:48 AM

Why do men like to drive? Oh boy! A chance to theorize and make statements without a shred of supporting evidence!! Woo hoo!

Theory 1;
Men are control-freaks and can’t stand to have anyone other than themselves drive. Doing so would compromise their desire to “be in charge”.

Theory 2;
Men are afraid that if someone else drives (and drives better than they do, then) they will be “shown up”, and they can’t take the humiliation of being out-driven by anyone – much less a “girl”. Their macho-man little pride will be devastated.

Theory 3;
Men are arrogant sumbitches and seek to flaunt their (imaginary) superiority in all things to the whole world by co-opting the role of driver (AKA, leader) for themselves.

Theory 4;
Through the highly developed skills, honed by eons of evolutionary selection, men have developed the finely-tuned motor skills necessary for proper and safe control of the motorcar. This, and this alone is the only reason why men have taken on the onerous task of driving, to conduct their loved ones to safety along the treacherous, and dangerous motorways of the world.

Pick one.

Hahaha - excellent!

*Colette places the 'Sweeping Generalization' medal for 26 February 2008, around rwyatt's bowed head*

PRBori

02-26-2008, 11:19 AM

I love driving... I'm an ambitious driver with an external GPS for the DC Metropolitan Area. When my baby is around I do all the driving for him. I'am also an agressive driver to some extend, but will never put others at risk... just need to get places on time.

All he has to do is tell me the location, a touristic point near the area and that's all, I know how to get there.

He drove me only once, since he doesn't live here, so I'm not sure how I would feel with him driving. I tend to not like others drive me...