Break a relationship

[Saurus]

As I wrote in my presentation thread (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.), I was in a relationship with an ESFJ.

Yesterday, I annouced to her that I quit. During the 3 years I've passed with her, all my energy and my "social time" went to this relationship whereas I wasn't so happy. BTW, I'm now alone and have to build my social life, knowing that I haven't family anymore, and only a few friends who are away from me.

Does anyone of you have had to face this kind of situation ? How did you deal with it ?

[Colette]

Well not recently, but I just want to say 'congratulations' for having the courage to do this for yourself, and to go with your 'N' and your gut instincts. I wish you well for the difficult 'grieving' period you'll have over the next few months..

[PortInStorm]

I agree with Colette. I'm not sure how intense the grieving will be seeing as the relationship wasn't so successful (from what I gather), but don't let anyone tell you it's not like dealing with a death.

[Brutananadilewski]

Why do you say haven't you family anymore?

It takes a lot of strength and courage for an individual to realize what's best for him/herself and to act upon it, and that's great you've done so. How are you feeling about the whole process and situation? Alone? Guilty? Unsure? Confused? Anything else? If you're comfortable going into more detail, I'd appreciate it.

And congratulations as well for taking care of yourself; it takes strength and courage to take the steps necessary to ensure your own happiness and health, especially when dealing with others.

[OneBadMother]

I've been in a similar situation, though having some friends certainly helped. The number one best way to deal with it is to never pick up that relationship again, and cut her off if she gets belligerent. I doubt you'll have a problem with that. The next thing to do is just let time pass. You're presumably much better off without that relationship, and without that drain you'll be able to funnel your energies into such things as interacting in a social circle. In fact, with all the free time you have now getting friends will probably be a matter of course.

[JTG]

I've been in a similar situation, though having some friends certainly helped. The number one best way to deal with it is to never pick up that relationship again, and cut her off if she gets belligerent.

THIS is very important. I'm dealing with such a situation now, because i'm trying to salvage a friendship with my ISTJ ex. She can be so... normal sometimes, but when she feels slighted she goes into rage mode. Honestly, if you're not trying to stay friends for her sake (like if she has plenty of friends already) then i'd say cut all ties and be done with it.

It's really hard for me to cut ties with people. I can go years without talking to somebody, but they're still a friend in my mind. Actually severing ties, especially if i tell them i'm doing it, is a very painful thing to me. I've never felt sad at a funeral except for feeling bad about the suffering that the friends/family of the deceased feel. Burning a bridge on the other hand... bleh

[yeh1705]

Being an ENFP, we're notorious for clinging on much longer than we should, so kudos to you for getting out of a relationship you're unhappy with. It's often much easier being the dumper than the dumpee, but I don't mean it's easy at all. Feel happy that you've gotten your time back, and can do whatever you like. Making new friends is always good, you never know who you're gonna meet and what new adventures are heading your way, that could just be my E part talking tho :P

I wonder if my INTJ ex is thinking the same way you are.

[Jenny Penny]

Breakups can be one of the hardest life experiences. I broke up with my ESTP boyfriend Monday morning and we were back together Wednesday night. I couldn't take it and broke down and texted him. I think I have to get to the point to where the pain factor will be minimal. I have to feel turned off as much as possible before I can walk away. Otherwise, I can be quite a mess. If I feel I cut things off out of frustration or a misunderstanding, I will never have closure. I like to go back for more until I can leave without much regret. I'm sure it won't last this time but I am chagrined to say I can't walk away just yet. I am not good in relationships. I turn into an obsessive version of the INFP. Is that possible? I definitely like myself much more when I am single.

I don't know... I think the best thing to do is take up a new hobby. That seems to be helpful in getting over something in your past. Reading a new book always helped me to get over someone (at least partly). It is hard for INTJs to find good social connections, at least for me. I think it helps tremendously, though.

[pavman]

As I wrote in my presentation thread (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.), I was in a relationship with an ESFJ.

Yesterday, I annouced to her that I quit. During the 3 years I've passed with her, all my energy and my "social time" went to this relationship whereas I wasn't so happy. BTW, I'm now alone and have to build my social life, knowing that I haven't family anymore, and only a few friends who are away from me.

Does anyone of you have had to face this kind of situation ? How did you deal with it ?

Realize you have us. Not the same as going to shoot pool on a saturday night, but hey.

And yes, I've been in similar situations, ie every girl I dated I broke up with. I had a perfect track record until the last one.. I manipulated her into breaking up with me by making her think I was a jerk. I saw her recently...apparently she's come to realize that she's still bitter and it "feels" like I broke up with her... LOL

Anyway, hang in there. Sometimes we have to bite the apple before we find the worm. The best to do is use the confidence you have in the relationship to find another person. Since this isn't happening, take your time, get over it, and when you're ready, go find someone more compatible. And not to worry, you will eventually find someone better than she was, I have no doubt.

[Colette]

Anyway, hang in there. Sometimes we have to bite the apple before we find the worm

I dunno. For myself, I have just decided the worms can go rot, and have switched to a different (and much safer) kind of fruit - celibacy ;)

[NephilimAzrael]

I had to break with my ISTP partner of two and a half years. It persistently regurjitated in my mind regarding alternating my dating strategy.

[Antisocialite]

As I wrote in my presentation thread (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.), I was in a relationship with an ESFJ.

Yesterday, I annouced to her that I quit. During the 3 years I've passed with her, all my energy and my "social time" went to this relationship whereas I wasn't so happy. BTW, I'm now alone and have to build my social life, knowing that I haven't family anymore, and only a few friends who are away from me.

Does anyone of you have had to face this kind of situation ? How did you deal with it ?

I'm about to face this situation because my current relationship is costing me too much money. My boyfriend lives with me and although there are some things we agreed to, I never agreed to take care of him, which I think he assumes I did. He's gone five months without a job and even had the audacity to get mad when I brought it up. At this point I feel stuck because I'm currently in therapy trying to work on some issues and I just don't need this. I've gotta find a way to grow some cojones.

[NephilimAzrael]

I'm about to face this situation because my current relationship is costing me too much money. My boyfriend lives with me and although there are some things we agreed to, I never agreed to take care of him, which I think he assumes I did. He's gone five months without a job and even had the audacity to get mad when I brought it up. At this point I feel stuck because I'm currently in therapy trying to work on some issues and I just don't need this. I've gotta find a way to grow some cojones.

It could be potentially beneficial to reintroduce him to self-sufficiency. It does seem he is parasitic. There is only one potential support for him. Is he producing the masterpiece of the 21st century?

[ScurvyRose]

Break ups suck from either perspective. The only advantage to being the one to initiate the break up is the time already spent on evaluating the situation. The person being broken up with may be quite surprised, especially if there were no warning signs (ie he gets back with an ex he has been "talking" to, or if there were minor issues and no real disruption to the relationship.

From either possition it is difficult to sever ties that were once close and on the most personal level that any interaction reaches. This also means the reaction of betrayal and loss are equally as deep.

[Antisocialite]

It could be potentially beneficial to reintroduce him to self-sufficiency. It does seem he is parasitic. There is only one potential support for him. Is he producing the masterpiece of the 21st century?

I almost choked on an almond. LMAO! :laugh:

Uh, No.