MBTI type compatibility

[JTG]

My newfound interest in myers-briggs types has got me thinking about compatibility. A while back i was with an ISTJ which at times was borderline unbearable. Now i'm talking to a longtime friend of mine about the possibility of dating, and she just tested as ESFP, which i find intriguing haha.

Anyway, does anybody know in general which types we INTJs mesh with more easily and why? I noticed lots of threads asking about specific combos, but nothing of a more general nature.

Are there certain types we just don't click with, or certain types we naturally compliment in a relationship?

[Jgib5328]

INTJs mbti match is ESFP because they completely complement us and share no similar functions. That's what I read, most INTJs don't end up dating ESFPs though.

[Zilal]

No... it's not so much an MBTI thing. You might be more likely to have conflicts with someone the more different they are from you, which could include MBTI preferences, but it's more strongly influenced by values and, heck, gender. You'll have more disagreements just stemming from being a man and a woman than from being an INTJ and ESFP.

[OneBadMother]

Albeit, if the woman is the INTJ and the man an ESFP, that probably wouldn't help matters. :P

[JTG]

It's the other way around, hehe. She's the bubbly flirtatious one and i'm the dry thoughtful one hehe

[ElstonGunn]

I read somewhere that people often go with their opposite at first, but if it doesn't work out very well, they go with someone more like themselves the next time around. I also remember reading that male INTJs tend to be attracted to their opposite (ESFPs) more than other types. Female INTJs tend to go for someone more like them. This is all from memory, so I could be wrong. Although, I know that I do tend to be attracted to the more vivacious types.


But Zilal made a good point. Figuring out your compatibility with someone requires a lot more than just matching up two out of sixteen pre-determined types.

[JTG]

Yeah, we're compatible in a lot of ways. We have similar sense of humor, like same music, enjoy the same level of physical affection, etc. She's beautiful and charming, haha. I love her, although it'll be quite some time before i tell her that.

[MichaelH]

INTJ.org: Why do I like ESFPs? (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)

ESFPs can be fun to be around, no doubt about it.

I've been in a relationship with an ESFP for 16 years. There are ups and downs like any relationship. If you two seem compatible, it has the possibility to last long-term.

[Uytuun]

Romantically (i.e.not really the practical living together for decades angle), I think NF-NT is a promising combo. My guess would be 1. NF 2. NT 3. SP, but all feasible and relatively close together. Then at a considerable distance 4. SJ.

[Tokey41]

I disagree with the notion that opposites attract, if anything we are such egotistical beings that we would enjoy people who are more similar to us in beliefs and values. I mean isn't that why many of come to this message board? To see if similar personality types share similar beliefs on various topics?

[JTG]

Yeah i think N would definitely be ideal, and an E to my I would bring balance, since i can be slow to initiate contact or "reach out" as it's called.

I can't decide whether i'd rather have T or F. I think T would be a more compatible but also more boring pairing. I feel lame enough around others, if i had a feeler instead of a thinker it might bring some warmth to the relationship.

J or P is another tough one. I'm still not too good at differentiating between the two all the time. I think J would be alright as long as it's either not too strongly expressed, or we at least see eye to eye on how we classify/organize things.

So, by my reckoning: 1. ENFP 2. ENFJ 3 ENTP 4. ENTJ?

I agree that SJ comes last as far as compatibility of personality comes. I've definitely been left with a bad taste in my mouth from past experiences. S types in general i tend to not mesh with in personal relationships.

edit: As for the opposites/similar minds/egotistical thing goes, i think some variation in personality is needed to keep a relationship interesting and enriching. It's nice to come here and meet with similar minds, but this is my getaway from everyday life, not my base. I definitely need somebody i see eye to eye with, at least on the important stuff. I also need somebody compatible enough to get along with. After that though, i think i want somebody a little different than i am, to make life more interesting and provide different insights.

[mind_wander]

Yeah i think N would definitely be ideal, and an E to my I would bring balance, since i can be slow to initiate contact or "reach out" as it's called.

I can't decide whether i'd rather have T or F. I think T would be a more compatible but also more boring pairing. I feel lame enough around others, if i had a feeler instead of a thinker it might bring some warmth to the relationship.

J or P is another tough one. I'm still not too good at differentiating between the two all the time. I think J would be alright as long as it's either not too strongly expressed, or we at least see eye to eye on how we classify/organize things.

So, by my reckoning: 1. ENFP 2. ENFJ 3 ENTP 4. ENTJ?

I agree that SJ comes last as far as compatibility of personality comes. I've definitely been left with a bad taste in my mouth from past experiences. S types in general i tend to not mesh with in personal relationships.

edit: As for the opposites/similar minds/egotistical thing goes, i think some variation in personality is needed to keep a relationship interesting and enriching. It's nice to come here and meet with similar minds, but this is my getaway from everyday life, not my base. I definitely need somebody i see eye to eye with, at least on the important stuff. I also need somebody compatible enough to get along with. After that though, i think i want somebody a little different than i am, to make life more interesting and provide different insights.

About ENFJ, I've worked with one, on a time project. They are always on time, but lack some of those strategic thinking. So I guess, this is where I can come in, need some directions on how to solve this. It seems, my door is always opened, when I am closing shop. Its alright, might as well, thats the down side, for me. Everything is pretty good :) They glad to helped others out and keep them on the ball.

[Paul V]

From a purely practical point of view (seeing which types have the most in common with us), I'd say (in this order): INFJ. ENTJ. ISTJ. INTP. INFP.

[JTG]

You seem to want somebody more similar instead of somebody more complimentary. I notice that, of your five, four are I, four are N, three are T, and three are J haha. Only one of them has two differing categories from us.

Maybe i'm just looking for some balance because i'm so solitary and have been single so long. It's entirely possible after i get into a relationship that i end up wishing i'd picked somebody more similar to myself XD

Geez relationships are so confusing. Why can't some things be more easily quantifiable :(

[Paul V]

Well, duh. Of course I want someone similar. There's not enough INXX people in the world, and I've never met anyone not even remotely similar to me. From my perspective, there are too many ESXX in the world, and that's disturbingly unbalanced.

[pavman]

My last GF was an ESFP... Run. Just kidding. She was an ESFJ...the J made all the difference in the world! I've also unsuccessfully dated an INFJ and an ISFP. :o( Now I'm workin an INTP, so we'll see ;o) Otherwise, I didn't know the types of the other women I've had relationships with.

Here's what I use to determine how well I'll get along with someone, based on type:

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If you look @ the bottom, there's links such as:
Type Relationships for INTJs:
Identity Pal Complement Contrast
Supplement Anima Suitemate Cohort
Companion Tribesman Advisor Pedagogue
Enigma Novelty Neighbor Counterpart

So far, they've proven quite accurate. Last GF was an ESFJ... and she definitely was a novelty to me for a bit there... but then my brain turned back on.

Anima roughly means soul, so let us know how it turns out. Perhaps I just need to find an ESFP and my search would be over ;o)

I've also used this as well, but its not as good, IMHO:
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I've found that ENFJs tend to be really suited for me, as they seem to know what I'm thinking and feeling. Its weird. But then, don't just go on this. There's alot more factors than just personality involved here.

There IS contradictary thinking out there...some say Ns should stick with Ns, other say the exact opposite (ie S) is perfect for us. So date her anyway, the worst that happens is one, or both of you, tear each others hearts out and kill a bunch of classmates in a school in Finland, assuming you're in Finland. Although I would think it would be the ESFP that would flip out. But you never know... :stunned:

[Colette]

My newfound interest in myers-briggs types has got me thinking about compatibility. A while back i was with an ISTJ which at times was borderline unbearable. Now i'm talking to a longtime friend of mine about the possibility of dating, and she just tested as ESFP, which i find intriguing haha.


I'm not really an expert in this area, but having dated two ISTJs in the past 2 years, I can quite safely say that I would never willingly date one again! Major incompatibility there - things may seem OK on the surface, but scratch beneath that a bit, and misunderstandings and communication problems are rampant!

ENFP sounds OK, although as a strong J myself, I'm not sure I could forge a committed relationship with a P type - I think it would find the habits too irritating. Dating might be alright though; if no co-habitation involved :)

[JTG]

Yeah ISTJ is a terrible match for me. Both being Is there was a lot of space between us at times. Being a very strong S, she had no intuition whatsoever. Especially STJ, she was terrible at reading people. I'm a good judge of personality, and sometimes i'd try to tell her that people were just using her for whatever end they were after. She never heeded my warnings, telling me i didn't have any proof so she didn't have to listen to me.

So yeah, even though we cared about each other and had some other things in common (intelligence, interests, etc) it just failed... terribly. I mean like violent crash and burn, bodies vaporized or mutilated in the carnage, etc. No survivors.

[pavman]

That's it... Colette, you've got a pretty kewl avatar... let's date ;o)

NOOOO now i need an avatar or i'll be alone forever!! :(
LOL

[JTG]

NOOOO now i need an avatar or i'll be alone forever!! :(

[Colette]

Yeah ISTJ is a terrible match for me. Both being Is there was a lot of space between us at times. Being a very strong S, she had no intuition whatsoever. Especially STJ, she was terrible at reading people. I'm a good judge of personality, and sometimes i'd try to tell her that people were just using her for whatever end they were after. She never heeded my warnings, telling me i didn't have any proof so she didn't have to listen to me.

So yeah, even though we cared about each other and had some other things in common (intelligence, interests, etc) it just failed... terribly. I mean like violent crash and burn, bodies vaporized or mutilated in the carnage, etc. No survivors.

Yep - that's exactly what my last relationship was like. No shared humor at all (because he didn't understand/appreciate verbal witticism and irony), and he was fussy, impatient and OCD about many small, trivial things (such as me forgetting something minor, or delaying a little in finding my things to leave the house 'on time' etc). A veritable recipe for disaster..

That's it... Colette, you've got a pretty kewl avatar... let's date ;o)

I hope you're kidding...heh...I'm WAY too old for you :p

[pavman]

Age is a matter of perception.

But yes, I'm kidding. :)

Was going to put this in the quotes thread, but meh ... its more appropriate here:

I'm older than I once was, but younger than I'll be. -Paul Simon

[In Strict Confidence]

INTJs mbti match is ESFP because they completely complement us and share no similar functions. That's what I read, most INTJs don't end up dating ESFPs though.

I’m dating one right now, been doing that for 1,5 years soon. The completement-thing is really something when it comes to emotional, sexual and romantic attraction. I will never get bored of her, it seems. On the other hand, it keeps me hellishly alone at times, since she wanders of in a state of social and spontaneous emotions, leaving me stranded. Not out of conscious ignorance, but rather as a result of inability to relate to me.