Accepting Oneself

[Antares]

Just then, I had a discussion with the other NT's on MBTI Central, and they were discussing having thoughts that are morbid, destructive, and quite insane, actually.

Upon reading the thread, I realized that I do these things also, and I've often wondered if I'm mentally ill. I would leave such thoughts out of my journal entries (which is supposed to record your most private thoughts and feelings) because I did not even acknowledge these thoughts and was in denial of their existence, largely because I was disgusted at myself for even having them at all. It was after reading the thread that I realized that I'm not the only one, and I spilled everything. After that, I have a sense of contentment, which I can only attribute to having come to terms with my own flaws - one that I had not been able to admit exist. Now, I am much happier in having shared it and having accepted that I'm actually not the only one. After all, my philosophy is, how can you be completely happy if you cannot even accept yourself?

Anyone else find it hard to accept your own imperfections and sometimes try to shun it, but only to find it much satisfying to share it, and therefore making peace with it?

[thecraig]

Can you link the thread from MBTI Central? I would be interested in reading that.

[Paul V]

I've come to accept my flaws, and do my best to change them. I don't think that simple acceptance is enough. One must always strive for perfection, regardless of whether it's possible to achieve it or not.

[Ace1337]

About the insane thoughts,
I sometimes have very dark, weird and really fucked up thoughts, the worst thing is that you can't control those thoughts, I try to think about something else but the dark thoughts just keep coming back.
An example: I go to bed and before sleeping a picture of my aunt naked comes to my mind, I don't even know what she looks like naked and believe me I don't want to know, but I just can't get the picture out of my mind, the harder I try the worse it gets.
Another example is when I'm masturbating. I imagine a sexy girl, and everything is fine and suddenly I see a mental image of a rusty knife coming closer to my penis, I know its just an image in my mind but I can't get the girl back to my mind.
You don't have to tell me I'm crazy, I already know. :D
A good thing is that I haven't had any of those thoughts for half a year now, but when I get to isolated I think that triggers them.

[rwyatt365]

While I can't say that I have morbid or self-destructive thoughts, I can say that some of the thoughts that I do have are not "politically correct". Often times I think quite ill of other people, or wish flaming meteors to rain down upon others – but it's not often that I wish anything of the sort for myself. The extent of my self-destructive thoughts are somewhat "pragmatic" in nature; thinking that "certain people" might be better off if I was no longer an impediment to their happiness, wondering if I could stage my death sufficiently well enough to result in a hefty insurance pay-out for my son. You know, "practical" things like that.

As far as accepting those (and other) thoughts…I have had no problems whatsoever in accepting my "non-traditional" thoughts. My problem has been with thinking through them outside of the forum of my own head. What I mean is, I have no sounding board when it comes to refining those thoughts – they are completely internal. Years ago I tried to do so in a "I want to get to know the real you" session with my ex-wife. I could tell by the horrified look on her face that she really didn't want to know "the real me". I've told my current wife several times, "You really don't want to know what's going on inside my head. You couldn't take it."

I accept myself, the problem is that other's don’t.

[caveman]

oh.. i'm having those too.. for ex. i buried each member of my family for many times. or i'm thinking of morbid ways to escape difficult situations, or to get little advantages.. and let me not get into the weird sexual scripts i'm playing very often in my mind..

[Jgib5328]

I don't really know what you mean by insane or morbid thoughts, you need to specify or give examples.

[MichaelH]

hinking that "certain people" might be better off if I was no longer an impediment to their happiness

I think this is a very INTJ feeling. We tend to be emotionally isolated, and this allows a lot of darkness to build up. For a while, I was planning my suicide in a way that would least inconvenience the ones I loved. When I let my (ESFP) spouse know I was having those feelings, he did something very smart: he immediately made me promise not to do anything like that.

I think some of the morbid thoughts come from our what-if preparation. We want to be prepared for losing those close to us, so we imagine their deaths and try to plan our reactions.

In my case, dealing with underlying issues often helps the thoughts go away. (For instance, as time has proven the probable stability of my relationship with my spouse, I find myself imagining his death less; I'm not constantly having to prep for losing him.) Establishing a sense of control over myself has helped reduce the suicidal urges; I don't feel so much that life will throw me a curve ball I just can't handle.

Uncontrollable morbid thoughts aren't a bad thing per se. I suspect a lot of INTJs have (or have had) them. They may just be a symptom of issues that need to be dealth with.

[Uytuun]

I think some of the morbid thoughts come from our what-if preparation. We want to be prepared for losing those close to us, so we imagine their deaths and try to plan our reactions.

True, my own death, my parents' death, my cat's death, important conversations, entire relationships...there are multiple scenarios for all of them.

I don't consider those morbid or unhealthy thoughts, though.

I do sometimes have the feeling that my mind controls me, though, and not the other way around. Maybe this is what Ni does...we're brilliant psychos. :D Obsessive thinking...that's when I know I need to get out, talk to people and try to be really busy. The sad fact is that it's sometimes difficult for me to get out of my philosopher's cave and actually do what I have described above. That's not good.

[Antares]

Can you link the thread from MBTI Central? I would be interested in reading that.

The topic is here (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)

[BadMojo]

Well, it is said, Percy, that civilised man seeks out good and intelligent company, so that, through learned discourse, he may rise above the savage and closer to God. Personally, however, I like to start the day with a total dickhead to remind me I'm best.
- Blackadder

[Learning]

Just then, I had a discussion with the other NT's on MBTI Central, and they were discussing having thoughts that are morbid, destructive, and quite insane, actually...After all, my philosophy is, how can you be completely happy if you cannot even accept yourself?...Anyone else find it hard to accept your own imperfections and sometimes try to shun it, but only to find it much satisfying to share it, and therefore making peace with it?
Well, morbid & destructive is- well...morbid & destructive.

I don't want to call a bad thing good. I can see what you're saying, though, about when you identify something & it "makes more sense". Getting it out there & talking about it is liberating, as well as knowing you're not alone in your thoughts. Plus, "knowing" really is "half the battle!" It's funny, but it just is. Knowing what the "problem" is, somehow is a relief... even if you didn't know there was a problem to begin with :).

[Anon722]

I have had this morbid toughts of my own. For example, when I was younger, I, and a person I was really fond to by this time, were victim of a really mean action by an absolute dumbass. Sadly the situation made it impossible for me to do something more than prove myself aloud that this fellow had treated us in an absurdly unjust way since ( damn group situations ) he was doubtlessly respected between the idiotic group of demi-neanderthals we were all drawn into, so nobody within this place was willing to listen a different opinion about our primate.

Well, I found it really difficult to accept unjustice, but when I or someone who I care about is unfearlly treated It is simply impossible.

The next day, I almost couldn't stop myself from thinking about what could I do to prove my point, that this fellow treated us terribly bad, and that this attitude was to be rejected. ( This is not a really Intraverted attitude, but I am not a INTJ every hour of my existence as probably neither you ) And I just could not find it. By the end of the day I found myself thinking about the optimal way to... How can I put it... Ship him to "primates heaven" -no scales-. And I found it ;). No possible way of getting cought, well, a little bit probably, but chances were too small to be taken into account. Then I slept well, and forgot about it.

I will let you doubting about wether I have done it or not... uohahaha

(not) This finding of the way to do something, of having the capacity to do it, was simply enough reward for me.

[Zilal]

I would leave such thoughts out of my journal entries (which is supposed to record your most private thoughts and feelings) because I did not even acknowledge these thoughts and was in denial of their existence, largely because I was disgusted at myself for even having them at all. It was after reading the thread that I realized that I'm not the only one, and I spilled everything. After that, I have a sense of contentment, which I can only attribute to having come to terms with my own flaws - one that I had not been able to admit exist.

I *always* used to hide things from my journal, heh. Things I was so ashamed I even thought that I couldn't bear to admit them to myself. It's just been in the past year that I've gotten to the point of writing them out, and it helps tremendously. Nothing seems as threatening once it's out in the open.

[karen]

I used to have a lot of morbid thoughts when going through my teens. Now that I have safely navigated my way through them I find that it was mostly the result of a nagging uneasiness. When you find yourself at the mercy of someone else's whims, or just feel entirely isolated, your mind wanders to all kinds of terrible things. I'm not saying that I don't have the stray, unwelcomed senario runnng through my mind now, but it still seems to come from stressful situations.
There is also something to be said for precaution, as others have mentioned. I have often thought of the death of loved ones, and I have found that I feel a stronger emotional tug when I think of it, than when they actually pass away. This is probably because when actually faced with a death, you have to stay calm for the sake of a more emotional person than yourself. Either way, a dark side is nothing to be afraid of... if it's disturbing you, just find it's cause.

[Wapiti]

After all, my philosophy is, how can you be completely happy if you cannot even accept yourself?

Anyone else find it hard to accept your own imperfections and sometimes try to shun it, but only to find it much satisfying to share it, and therefore making peace with it?

I do not find it hard at all to accept my so called imperfections. I rather enjoy them. I love the fact that I have wild crazy thoughts that are best kept to myself, in some ways I think it's what keeps me sane in an environment that others may not fare so well in. At the same time, I have some crazy thoughts that are quite satisfying to share. I am at peace with who I am.

[DeadSpace]

For me...i think it's just a method of covering all angles...i have thoughts i would never consider actually doing, or find repulsive. Often thought about a bank robbery (though actually it would be a burglary...hate large crowds) I won't do it...but it's a fun exercise a challenge. Thought about wiping out all corrupt politicians in various ways...and not get caught. Taking over the world...erm...that ones still on the maybe list nvm.
I don't consider a thought bad, it is quite literally nothing...unless carried out. It is interesting to find the seed cause though...why did i think/image that particular thought? Dig out the root and you destroy the weed.

[Obstinate]

I've had more dreams about hurting my mom/sister than I'd like to acknowledge. *yikes*