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View Full Version : Do you avoid unnecessary family gatherings?


brecia
08-13-2009, 11:19 AM
maybe this is a problem only i experienced. i hate my all relatives. really. i don't have any caring , generous and good aunts or uncles,cousins etc... oh i have a few of them.but i'm sure i don't miss any of them if i would never see again.
big family is a trouble, Thank God my parents stayed away them most of the time.but at times i's being forced to see them ,eventually hug them , be nice with them etc...
i know they don't like me either,so why forcing a smile? or even bothering seeing each other?
i hate being bound to social rules. so far i managed to stay away.
but when i can't run , it fills me with rage and i want to be alone.not like usual way, just go to a place nobody can find me.be myself as long as i want to be.

do you ever feel the same way?

Necrosis
08-13-2009, 11:26 AM
i wouldnt say i hate all my relatives. hate is too strong. hate a few. dislike or could care less about most. if i dont have to see them i wont. its sort of like seeing a regular person on the straight. i dont feel a tie or bond to them. i have gotten hate from people for not being around for new years etc but not my style, they'll get over it. i don't want to get on my good family's bad side so sometimes i do suck it up and show face, no matter how painfully annoying it is.

Archaic Smile
08-13-2009, 12:16 PM
Yeah, I don't hate my family they just wear me out. Oh holy crap do they ever wear me out.

One sister in particular is about as "E" as you can get. She lives for family get togethers and loves to drop in (unannounced) for what I call her "marathon visits" which can go from 2 PM to midnight. I won't say anything to her about her visits, though, or refuse invitations because we all get along so well and I don't want to cause any hurt feelings in the family.

What I'd really like to do is move out of state, but I'm taking care of our mom and moving is just not an option right now. However, once she's gone I plan to move far enough away so I don't have to do any more birthdays, baby showers, wedding showers, weddings, anniversaries, visits involving endless chatter about nothing in particular, graduations, graduation parties, holidays, cook outs, more unannounced visits, sporting event parties....yeeesh.

Kris
08-13-2009, 12:43 PM
I feel the same, but my family is actually pretty crazy (in the padded room sense). When it comes to the few relatives that I actually get on with due to their sanity I don't mind spending time with them at all. However, the big family things (aren't really that big for my family) are just completely dysfunctional and I find them absolutely horrid and tiring.

Sleepless
08-13-2009, 01:00 PM
I get along well with my dad's side of the family, at least my first cousins and about half of my aunts and uncles on that side. But my mom's Yugo, and that side of the family is just so.. social in a way that irks me. Everyone on my dad's side is outgoing too, but they're weird and they embrace it.

My mom's side is very culturally normative, on top of which they are extremely touchy-feely, and obnoxious drunks. They also always want to talk to me in Serbian, which I don't speak. The fact that I don't care to make small talk, and am actually very bad at doing so, doesn't work so well. So whenever I have to go to events on that side of the family, I generally retreat to a bedroom or somewhere else unoccupied.

The Drifter
08-13-2009, 01:12 PM
I don't feel like I know my family anymore. We just grew apart.

brecia
08-13-2009, 02:01 PM
Yeah, I don't hate my family they just wear me out. Oh holy crap do they ever wear me out.

One sister in particular is about as "E" as you can get. She lives for family get togethers and loves to drop in (unannounced) for what I call her "marathon visits" which can go from 2 PM to midnight. I won't say anything to her about her visits, though, or refuse invitations because we all get along so well and I don't want to cause any hurt feelings in the family.

What I'd really like to do is move out of state, but I'm taking care of our mom and moving is just not an option right now. However, once she's gone I plan to move far enough away so I don't have to do any more birthdays, baby showers, wedding showers, weddings, anniversaries, visits involving endless chatter about nothing in particular, graduations, graduation parties, holidays, cook outs, more unannounced visits, sporting event parties....yeeesh.

i don't know if the reason why i hate all those social gatherings is hate/dislike or me being antisocial. i have a little fun during the meetings though.but considering overall it is not worth.before and after going i'm nervous and if i had a chance i refuse to go.

people have fun while attending all those events.
i would like to be an alive person like them.and talk silly unimportant things etc...


I feel the same, but my family is actually pretty crazy (in the padded room sense). When it comes to the few relatives that I actually get on with due to their sanity I don't mind spending time with them at all. However, the big family things (aren't really that big for my family) are just completely dysfunctional and I find them absolutely horrid and tiring.

high five!

I get along well with my dad's side of the family, at least my first cousins and about half of my aunts and uncles on that side. But my mom's Yugo, and that side of the family is just so.. social in a way that irks me. Everyone on my dad's side is outgoing too, but they're weird and they embrace it.

My mom's side is very culturally normative, on top of which they are extremely touchy-feely, and obnoxious drunks. They also always want to talk to me in Serbian, which I don't speak. The fact that I don't care to make small talk, and am actually very bad at doing so, doesn't work so well. So whenever I have to go to events on that side of the family, I generally retreat to a bedroom or somewhere else unoccupied.

for me it is the both sides :) they look and act friendly
but all they do is gosipping behind you.


I don't feel like I know my family anymore. We just grew apart.

if you love them then i'm sorry for you :) if not then it must be a relief!





brecia added to this post, 7 minutes and 47 seconds later...

i wouldnt say i hate all my relatives. hate is too strong. hate a few. dislike or could care less about most. if i dont have to see them i wont. its sort of like seeing a regular person on the straight. i dont feel a tie or bond to them. i have gotten hate from people for not being around for new years etc but not my style, they'll get over it. i don't want to get on my good family's bad side so sometimes i do suck it up and show face, no matter how painfully annoying it is.


yes, you are right , there are a few of them who didn't do anything in particular. means we are not close ,and seeing each other. that must be the reason why! :lol:
sorry ,my history with my family is full of bad memories.

if you don't feel a tie or a bond to them then they are not different from a stranger. i was talking about the ones you see once in a while and you would have prefered not to :)

yes, i do the same , suck up and show the face thing ( i got the meaning sorry i'm not that good in English ,but i love slang language! :lol: i naturally catch them ;) )
but i'm not a flexible person so it is not easy for me.

True Rune
08-13-2009, 02:09 PM
I don't hate relative, just never really talked to them.

loosefanbelt
08-13-2009, 02:38 PM
I have to pull out major management skills to use with my family. There is only one person that I can be relaxed with out of all of my family, and it is only when we are alone together. Otherwise, I am constantly dodging and ducking for cover.

wardo
08-13-2009, 04:46 PM
I have about a dozen cousins on my mother's side alone. I can barely stand my own family, forget the extended family. There's something about traditional god-fearing gossip-loving family values that makes me eject my dinner.

Farion
08-13-2009, 04:57 PM
Yes, I definitely do avoid unnecessary family gatherings. Fortunately for me though, of the two sides of my family: my dad's side is very small and they're nice and normal and fine to be around and we only have "gatherings" at most 3-4 times a year, for about 4 hours each. So that's fine.

My mom's side on the other hand is different, but, again, I'm lucky. Fortunately for me, the part of the family that lives in the same state as me is nice and normal and I've grown up with them around. Unfortunately for me, the bane of my childhood existence was family reunions. You see, my grandma has 6 brothers and sisters who each have several children of their own, who each have several children of their own. The last family gathering I went to required the use of the entire church that my [insert number here] cousin is pastor of to fit the fraction of my family that came to the family gathering. Now, don't get me wrong, everyone in my family is very nice, and they're not horrible people to be around, but they are people, and there dozens of them.

But, again, very fortunately for me, my dad is also an INTJ and throughout my childhood, he did not like these family gatherings any more than me. So finally, after this most recent reunion (I was 10 or 12) he decided that maybe we (meaning him and me [grammar nazi help?]) would not go to these reunions any more, and so we do not. And have not, despite the many years of yearly family reunions available.

rickster
08-13-2009, 06:35 PM
The only necessary family gatherings are funerals, and that's just to make sure the bastards are really dead.

Prunesquallor
08-13-2009, 06:38 PM
I actually like a lot of my family. What I really avoid is one-one-one with my mother.

dragonsscout
08-13-2009, 06:53 PM
It depends. I find my father's side to rarely be uncomfortable to be around in any way. Each of my relatives on my dad's side (who I know) are really cool in their own way.

My mother's side is nice, but can be very uncomfortable to be around. Mostly because they're touchy-feely types and can get extremely emotional. Then there's one of my uncles (on my mom's side) who is the type lawyer jokes are made about... and his children (my cousins) who are the some of the biggest brats ever. They're not all irritating, though.

As far as my nuclear family goes, I really get along well with my sister. We used to fight almost constantly when younger, but now we're pretty close. My parents and I are also close, but I need space from them from time to time, so I don't go back every chance that I get.

jfc
08-13-2009, 08:11 PM
I gave up on the extended-family get togethers at around age 20 and never really looked back. This did not please my parents but as I ever-so-slowly learned over the years, I did not have to do things I hated just for them. It wasnt that I disliked the cousins, uncles and aunts. I just could not see any fun or good time in traveling 2 hours to sit in a roomful of loud talkers, in the corner by myself almost the whole time. Even when it is people I know and am related to I cannot do a party very well - both moms and dads families are pretty large.

And now I avoid my brother and sister's family get togethers. My brother remarried into a large family, I suppose he may feel like I am shunning them because I always come up with some excuse to not come down and meet and mingle. But I feel often like I'm not family anymore - they can never just invite me and my wife, its always a birthday party or some other party.

And what really got to me over the years was my mom or my sister or my brother or my brothers ex-wife inviting a freind or three, or co-workers, for Christmas or Thanksgiving or on a day when were to get together. I have to go way back to the early 80s for a memory of just my immediate family on the holidays. My wife's family is more like me in this regard, we get together without anyone else on the holidays or any other time, we all don't have this *insane* need to add freinds or work buddys to our get togethers. I feel much closer to them than my own family now.

EL Gato
08-14-2009, 12:14 AM
Large extended family functions at my parent's hometown: a colorful carnival of weird people claiming a common ancestry, joined by their even weirder spouses and an exponentially growing parade of newborns like there is no global warming. Recently I returned for one after escaping for a very long time this curious observance. Strangely, I did have some fun. A wee bit of alcohol helps. I don't feel the urge to do it again though.

stroozette
08-14-2009, 12:35 AM
Oh, it is SO good to read all of these posts. At this stage in my life I can acknowledge my family members as basically good people who I love dearly, but other than that, I try to avoid them as often as I can. Most of them are on the other side of the continent, so that helps.

My husband's family, OTOH, are mostly here and mostly highly emotional and confrontational with each other. Family dinners together - which MIL insists upon twice or so a month - can singe the curtains. My MIL can't drive anymore, and my husband doesn't at the moment, so I'm the one who chaperons our family plus MIL around for whatever. MIL is a good person, means well, family togetherness means the world to her, but is emotional, illogical much of the time and constantly pokes, pokes, pokes, narrates the action around us and generally wears me out. If we spend the day with her it takes me two days to recover. Really. I spent most of the next day in bed after an afternoon of shopping together with her, daughter and hubby. She and I alone are bearable, but all together? Oh. My. God.

Glia
08-14-2009, 01:04 AM
Yes. I avoid them like the plauge.

Although, I like many members of my family and enjoy talking to them (especially older relatives who have interesting/useful information). I just don't like it when they congregate in groups. If you have ever seen my relatives in mob form, you know why.

Musing
08-14-2009, 02:01 AM
I live across the country from all of my relatives as well as my husband's relatives. We don't waste good airfare on superficial gatherings. We try to time visits to avoid the family all crushing us at once. My side of the family is relatively tiny, his side is anything but.

With all that, I have conceded to going back this year so our families can celebrate Christmas with the girls (we do it secularly ourselves). I can be congenial for a couple of hours at a time and answer mundane questions about how my life is going that no one cares about to a point. I wish I could just visit for a day then take a day off, then visit for a day and take another day off.

As it is, I have to settle for a room to myself for an hour or going to bed early.

BlizzarD
08-15-2009, 04:13 AM
i feel the same as the author of this thread. thought it cant be helped in my situation, i must survive my family all the time. and yes i hate them too, dont feel attached to them and i want to be alone most of the time..

aquapong
08-15-2009, 04:23 PM
I live across the country from my family. The only family members I miss are my dad and my wife's brother and his wife. I could live without the rest of them and not miss any sleep. I've never really been close with most of them.

SelfMadeBum
08-15-2009, 04:25 PM
I could write for years about my dislike for my family members. I would never choose to spend time with any of them given a choice.

tinapay
08-15-2009, 06:00 PM
I used to.

Now, I make it a point to attend. It's still a hassle but it gives me training in exercising my patience more.

t3hrubikscube
08-15-2009, 09:24 PM
I like my family. Really. They're all nice people, most of them are very intelligent and/or funny, etc., but I hate dealing with large family gatherings.

I don't mind speaking once spoken to, but I have a very hard time starting any conversations or joining in conversations that take place during, say, a meal.

jonnyb
08-16-2009, 11:50 AM
To hate is a 'relative' term. I get along well with my siblings. All in my family but me are of the involved Christian religious sense. As long as I am not getting preached at, I can tolerate my immediate family. As for family parties, if I can make it and it isn't too inconvienient, I will go.

Aunts, uncles and cousins are another story. I pick and choose carefully with them.

meresq
08-16-2009, 08:30 PM
I actually like them. I'm undoubtedly, strongly INTJ but I have a bit of an ESFJ's respect for and acknowledgement of the fact that, as weird as they may be, family members are the ones who will still be there no matter how bad things get.

marcmil
03-13-2011, 03:33 PM
Interesting and I think I am reading posts of people who are like me in at least this respect. I am an INTJ and need to accept some of my characteristicts as inherent. With regards to family, I am not close to any including grandparents etc. My parents live down in Florida from December to the end of April and I probably will NOT even attempt to call them during this time and only speak to them / see them when they come back north. They called even to wish me a happy birthday and I did not respond! Many may consider this to be very bad and I understand but still do not feel close. I even do not feel any necessity to visit my grandmother who is in a nursing home. I don't know. I just don't feel close to any of them. I believe that god may have made me different. I would feel very comfortable in family or large gatherings however in the event that I had my own family and was at the head or in the professional world I was the boss. Does anyone else feel this way? Your response is appreciated!

shogunshaman
03-13-2011, 04:27 PM
I avoid them like the plague. I avoid all insincere interactions though, family get togethers just happen to be the worst. Everyone is putting up some sort of front and judging everyone around them to feel good about themselves. It's enough to make me vomit.

marcmil- you can believe god made you different, or you can believe that your simply a unique human being. In my case being the boss would probably make it worse, how many people are actually sincere with teir bosses or authority figures. i've learned the most in my life from sincere and honest interactions with other beings and myself. Outside of sincere and honest interactions I have no interest in humans, family or otherwise.

InfiniteLoop
03-14-2011, 01:56 AM
To answer the title question, yes. I don't like being around huge groups of chatty, nattering people in general, because it's just so out-of-your-mind BORING. I really just go, IF I really HAVE to go, for the food to be honest. Hell, this is the woman who left her own *graduation party* because there were too many people and too much noise.

JarvisXV
03-14-2011, 05:11 AM
Aside from a few exceptions, I generally get along fine with members of my immediate family. Maybe because they generally leave me alone when I need to be. It's getting along with the extended family that drains me. The occasional dinner/get-together is tolerable even enjoyable sometimes but the big parties and reunions are just a drag.

I note however, that although I may see some family gatherings as unnecessary for me, I nonetheless understand that for them, it may not be the case.

Snowdragon
03-14-2011, 12:00 PM
I love my family but I dread seeing them because I don't want to hear from/about my bratty spoiled cousin (we're close in age) and her antics :yuck:.

Warrior
03-14-2011, 03:21 PM
Both sides of my family (and my wife's with the exception of her sister) live half a country away in one direction or another. Our families (especially mine) are somewhat large and span pretty much the entire socioeconomic scale. Due to our distance, we don't get to gather with many of them very often, though. I don't hate any of them and in fact, family gatherings can be a lot of fun. Conversations can vary quite widely and I'm usually surprised at what interesting things many of them have done.

Kricket
03-14-2011, 06:28 PM
I am blessed with a large extended family who live at the opposite end of the country from me. They are lovely people (save perhaps one) and I enjoy seeing them, but any extended/large gathering does not go well with me. After a time, every conversation starts to look like the first ten seconds of this video clip (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.=1m06s) from Dr. Horrible. I just get startled and uncomfortable.

Overall I like it best when I get to visit with each subsection of my extended family individually, preferably for less than a week. The large gatherings can be a lot of fun if I have the opportunity to take breaks in a quiet room.

HAL 9000
03-14-2011, 06:46 PM
I go to family gatherings like a good comrade, and even end up enjoying myself. Would I rather stay home sometimes? Yeppo.

Shadizar
03-14-2011, 06:56 PM
I avoid unnecessary family gatherings like the plague.