INTJ and Overcompensation

[Jgib5328]

Whenever I get upset, depressed, sad or feel any type of negative emotion, my first response is to get incredibly motivated to work hard at something or do something that is very productive (IE do extra work or run). This is called overcompensation. I am well aware of why I do it, I do it whenever I get upset over a weak aspect of my life and try to fill the void with something that I'm great at and can work at so the feeling goes away, I'm an INTJ I am very self aware.

What I want to know is if any of you guys do this too. Whenever I think about something that I want in life that is very difficult for me to get or that I'm lacking I use this as a defense mechanism to make me feel better or forget about my problem (the things that I want (in this case) are aspects that I am weak at, anything else that plays closer to my strengths I can get).

I figure this would be common with INTJs, possibly with a similar reason as mine, because we all have one aspect that we are weak at.

But anyways, do any of you guys overcompensate?

[Colette]

Yes, all the time.

When life seems out of control, we want to seize it by the horns, and can become quite OCD.

[jjelovich]

All the time. I completely understand. Like you said I am an INTJ I am very self aware and therefore I know my strenghts and weaknesses. It is difficult for me to accept that the reason things are not going my way are my fault, not that I have a problem with taking responsibility, I just hate being in control of myself and yet out of control in regards to the situation; if that makes sense. When this happens I tend to focus on things I do well so as to not get bogged down by the depressing thought of not being good enough at everything I want to be good at. As a very visionary and goal oriented person I get quite frustrated when I don't reach the goal I had invisioned. Sometimes I wish I didn't have such great expectations.

However I have, slowly but surely, learned how to physicaly forgo control but the desire for it still eats away at me inside; which doesn't help much because it just gives the appearance and not the form. MEH! What can you do! No rest for the wicked.

[polyintj]

Oh yeah, everytime. I dont really see this as a problem in itself. The truth is, thats the secret of what makes us excel at seemingly impossible things. Interestingly, the inborn tenacity means we dont leave the failure on the ground for long but go back again and again until it's resolved. So I guess using something we are good at as an outlet once in a while is actually a plus.

[phoenix]

Yup! My task is dishes. And if dishes aren't working, I attack the laundry. After that comes the whole house. This is pronounced enough that if my SO notices an unusual amount of cleaning going on, she asks me what's bothering me.

The worst part of this coping mechanism is that during the whole cleaning activity I have long complex discussions with myself in my head. If the problem is another person, I will have imaginary arguments with him/her during which I air all my grievances in many different ways. This allows me to work through what's bothering me and really find the root of the issue. It also helps me organize my thoughts so that when I actually do talk to the person, I can be coherent and know that my concerns are valid and not just my knee-jerk reactions.

It's actually a very productive process, but at the time it's happening, I feel like quite a jerk.

[Jgib5328]

The worst part of this coping mechanism is that during the whole cleaning activity I have long complex discussions with myself in my head. If the problem is another person, I will have imaginary arguments with him/her during which I air all my grievances in many different ways. This allows me to work through what's bothering me and really find the root of the issue. It also helps me organize my thoughts so that when I actually do talk to the person, I can be coherent and know that my concerns are valid and not just my knee-jerk reactions.

It's actually a very productive process, but at the time it's happening, I feel like quite a jerk.

I've finally found someone else who has imaginary conversations with real people (well I've never spoken about it before). I constantly have real people who I have imaginary conversations with. It isn't anything weird, it is just a way of me expressing myself to someone, which is a great way for self realization and is an amazing tool for introspection and it is cool because INTJs rarely express themselves, but we get to with the imaginary conversations.

[qwerty]

haha welcome to the club... Gotta be careful you don't bring up a point raised in the argument with them in real life, that gets weird.
I knew a person who used to reply to me in her head and so when I asked for an answer she was like "I thought I already told you that".

[DeadSpace]

yep (to OP) i get bogged down in something i'll drop it and do something i can do...all the while that other thing is in far background process...being analyzed, by the time i come back to it, 90% of the time i breeze through what ever it was.

[rwyatt365]

"Overcompensation", Hmmm – so that's what it's called?!

Yes, I am a "victim" of this as well. And like Phoenix, I have a running conversation about the whole incident in my head. But my "conversation" is more like a knock-down-drag-out fight, a raging argument in which (of course) I am the victor. I have to do this primarily because I often get into "discussions" where rational thinking is absent, and that always throws me for a loop. So I retreat into my head and "duke it out" in a place where reason and logic prevail!

[MixISTJandINTJ]

Welcome to a club of the many pluses and minuses of being I*TJ

[Antares]

Whenever I get upset, depressed, sad or feel any type of negative emotion, my first response is to get incredibly motivated to work hard at something or do something that is very productive (IE do extra work or run).

I find that the case too. Whenever I get depressed, I want to do nothing but work my mind off whatever's bothering me, but sometimes I really can't control myself. I would work while crying to myself, and the tears aren't pretty on my page. Eck. It's messy.

[polysylvester]

I am really good at overcompensating. I've always thought it was due to a tendency to OCD. I also rehearse interactions with others in my mind when I am stressed over the interactions.

I seem to be one of the older ones here, so I want to pass on a message to you young'uns here about overcompensating in relationships. DON'T DO IT!!!! If you find that you are, you need to do enough research that you know what the following disorders are: BPD, NPD, PTSD, OCD.

As INTJ's we are the favorite food of these types. Don't let them consume you!

[deicruxified]

But anyways, do any of you guys overcompensate?
yep... especially when i experience problems that are related to feelings/emotions, it's automatic. i easily forget things because my mind always has something for me to get preoccupied with.

[Solaris]

I call it stress cleaning. The kitchen or bathroom are my favorite areas for this, because they have many small details involved in their cleaning. When I am done, eating off any surface is possible. I also run or do other exercise during these times. It is almost always a situation that had awakened some sort of strong emotion (good or bad) that I can't figure out how to act upon. I always figured I did it because then I can't think so much, at least not consciously, because I am *so* focused on cleaning that bit of soap scum away. I always feel better afterward.

[Femme de Homme INTJ]

haha welcome to the club... Gotta be careful you don't bring up a point raised in the argument with them in real life, that gets weird.
I knew a person who used to reply to me in her head and so when I asked for an answer she was like "I thought I already told you that".

Is that person my mother? Or my husband? Or worse, me? Yeah, the three of us sometimes respond in our head.

But that's different from arguing with people in our mind. My mom and I do that TOO often. It may not be healthy. Sure, planning what you're going to say (so you're more effective at solving the problem and less insulting) is good, but the part where you imagine yourself the victor is rather unhealthy.

Sometimes I imagine that I can provoke the other person just right so they come out to be the jerk, while I look all nice, calm and dignified. But I can never do that in real life. It's too wrong. I also imagine that they give me a REAL reason for me to really go off on them. I tire of indirect insults and subtle disrespect from others (okay, so there are only two people). I wish they would be more open with their nastiness so I can really go crazy on them! Such are the daydreams of the hormonal, wounded INFP.

But, oh, overcompensation. I'm back on track now. Yes, I overcompensate, but in a different way and for different reasons. Somedays I get greatly overwhelmed, depressed and angry at not getting the things done that need doing. I get upset about the poor way I manage my time and daydream. So, I go nuts and try to attack everything at once. Then I get more overwhelmed because of the not knowing where to start. Then my husband comes home, and I try to put him to work, telling him to do, like, 50 different things at one time.

I think that last part is the "unhealthy ESTJ shadow" that every stressed-out INFP posses.

I had a fit of all this stuff last night. My anxiety was so high I couldn't sleep. I wanted to stay up all hours of the night to do everything and get everything done. So, when I read this post at 9am this morning, it made me feel better... Oh, and my house is much cleaner from last night's rampage, so that felt pretty good to wake up to, too.

[ReasoningMind]

I do that too.
I used to do cleaning as well. Tidying up things, cleaning surfaces, etc. I moved heavy objects around and redesigned a room or bathroom or exercised for 5 hours while I fight that emotion back.
I envy those who have found "the job/work/hobby they've dreamed of" and their success in it becomes a constant and dependable source of morale for them.
I cannot do serious and important things, do things that require dexterity, study, learn or work when I'm very upset, depressed or confused, etc.
Maybe I could, if I thought I was really very good (so good I think I'm doing good and can't find faults with it) at something I can do which I find very important. Still not sure.

Writing may help sometimes.

[speedsuit721]

I've finally found someone else who has imaginary conversations with real people (well I've never spoken about it before). I constantly have real people who I have imaginary conversations with. It isn't anything weird, it is just a way of me expressing myself to someone, which is a great way for self realization and is an amazing tool for introspection and it is cool because INTJs rarely express themselves, but we get to with the imaginary conversations.

I do this all the time. I snap out of it a while later to realize I've been sitting still, staring at something the whole time. I also run elaborate disaster scenarios in which I plan on how I'll narrowly escape death.

[Hasway]

I get incredibly morivated when I'm stressed. I work on something I'm ,and if I mess it up,I'll do it over and over and over again until it's perfect.The problem is, when I'm not stressed, it's difficult to find something that motivates me.

[LionsPride]

I've finally found someone else who has imaginary conversations with real people (well I've never spoken about it before). I constantly have real people who I have imaginary conversations with. It isn't anything weird, it is just a way of me expressing myself to someone, which is a great way for self realization and is an amazing tool for introspection and it is cool because INTJs rarely express themselves, but we get to with the imaginary conversations.

I'm guilty of this too. I do it so often that I never really miss people because in my head I just talked to them an hour ago. :rolleyes:

I'll have regular conversations (in my head) with people whose company I value. I use them to understand myself more and bring clarity to certain ideas. Other people, such as those I work with, only come up if there was a situation I need to work through in my head or I am under some stress with them.

[Vagrant]

I actually can't say I've really experienced this before. While I may undergo drastic changes, they are often what I perceive as necessary. My long-term friends have noted that I undergo long periods of relatively no change, followed by extremely rapid periods of change, once again followed by the long periods of no change.

The reason I don't think I overcompensate as much is that my chronic depression follows my stress levels rather closely. If I'm extremely stressed, I get depressed, which lowers my energy level, so I can't overcompensate in the first place.

[BlackOp]

To me its always about regaining control....an artifact of peripheral vision. I tend to obsess with long range thinking and it presents a never ending series of problems that havent occurred. Its a cathartic exercise that allows me to focus in a more linear way. Concentrate on the immediate tasks...and keeps me from bogging down with paralysis. I think its healthy...kind of like weeding the garden.

[callmemigs]

I don't know but I'm quite the opposite. When I'm really angry, depressed or sad, I just don't have the interest to do things. I just sleep. Well at least that's my first response. But when I can force myself to do something I'm good at, that's when I give it my all, like drawing. I like to draw, especially manga style drawings. Sometimes, doing flash animations and photoshop are also an outlet.

Yet currently, I just sleep early when I feel very depressed.

[Flamethrower]

I don't know but I'm quite the opposite. When I'm really angry, depressed or sad, I just don't have the interest to do things. I just sleep. Well at least that's my first response. But when I can force myself to do something I'm good at, that's when I give it my all, like drawing.

Same. Or if I do get busy on something it's completely irrelevant to what I am depressed about. So stupid stuff like reading, watching tele, walking, eating, nothing useful.

[Qoheleth]

Yes . I do this all the time. As recently as yesterday I came home and felt (mentally and physically) down . but like my usual self . instead of staying down i focused on what is great in my life and what i could do now to improve the things that are not so great . (also because I am christian . I prayed and stuff)

I wonder how the other types survive? hmmmm curiouser & curiouser .

[Chain]

Whenever I get upset, depressed, sad or feel any type of negative emotion, my first response is to get incredibly motivated to work hard at something or do something that is very productive (IE do extra work or run). This is called overcompensation. I am well aware of why I do it, I do it whenever I get upset over a weak aspect of my life and try to fill the void with something that I'm great at and can work at so the feeling goes away, I'm an INTJ I am very self aware.

What I want to know is if any of you guys do this too. Whenever I think about something that I want in life that is very difficult for me to get or that I'm lacking I use this as a defense mechanism to make me feel better or forget about my problem (the things that I want (in this case) are aspects that I am weak at, anything else that plays closer to my strengths I can get).

I figure this would be common with INTJs, possibly with a similar reason as mine, because we all have one aspect that we are weak at.

But anyways, do any of you guys overcompensate?

Yep, if that's what you want to call it. It's either do something productive, sleep or do something destructive.

haha welcome to the club... Gotta be careful you don't bring up a point raised in the argument with them in real life, that gets weird.
I knew a person who used to reply to me in her head and so when I asked for an answer she was like "I thought I already told you that".

I do that- both counts. I find that it aids in understanding and finding what to say and how to say it, which I'm naturally horrible at.

Sometimes I get the mental and real conversations mixed up and either repeat myself, or wonder why they don't recall what I told them before.

[Maayan]

I'll have regular conversations (in my head) with people whose company I value. I use them to understand myself more and bring clarity to certain ideas. Other people, such as those I work with, only come up if there was a situation I need to work through in my head or I am under some stress with them.

I did this when I was little. Except I'd voice my replies out loud. A teacher once told my parents, "Maayan doesn't disrupt the class by talking to the other children. She's distracting because she talks to herself."

I'd forgotten about that until now.

[ranwayslo]

I go to the gym whenever I feel anything negative. I have almost no ability to express negative emotions in a healthy verbal manner. I vent physically by weight lifting or bike riding. I have been known to workout to the point of collapse.
Once I have had the chance to vent, I can process the emotions and take corrective action.
This has been beneficial to my physical (and I believe mental) health. I stay fairly fit and calm.

[cereza]

It`s what I`m feeling at this very moment..

[geGamedev]

If the problem is another person, I will have imaginary arguments with him/her during which I air all my grievances in many different ways. This allows me to work through what's bothering me and really find the root of the issue. It also helps me organize my thoughts so that when I actually do talk to the person, I can be coherent and know that my concerns are valid and not just my knee-jerk reactions.

I do the same thing! The only problem in my situation is that the person that's usually annoying the hell out of me only ends up annoying me more when I try to do something about it... lol

[acid]

I get incredibly morivated when I'm stressed. I work on something I'm ,and if I mess it up,I'll do it over and over and over again until it's perfect.The problem is, when I'm not stressed, it's difficult to find something that motivates me.

I do this too. I become so focused when something stresses me out. This happened to me recently and I've channeled that focus into beneficial activities. I cut out things that I wasted so much time doing and started studying a ton and working out.



Oh, and hi! Longtime lurker, first time poster!

[theDoc]

I do that when I feel everything is out of control and I do massive study sessions on networking, the more cryptic it is, the better.