Do any of you guys have this problem?

[Jgib5328]

My general facial expression is somtimes so sharp that I really intimidate people, especially women. Like I'm not even trying to look mad and am usually not in any particular mood, but on several occasions people (complete strangers) have said, "you look like you could kill someone". I mean I like it like this because I think it's really cool, but I realize that eventually I'm going to have to fix this, because I can't go around intimidating people, because they are necessary to achieve the things that I want, unfortunately.

Do any of you guys have this problem? I sometimes try injecting more emotion into myself and try to 'soften' up, but that requires effort and I only do it when I have to, usually things that are related to achieving my goals. I honestly HATE the idea of having to change myself for other people. I just can't wait till I attain enough power so that I can do whatever the hell I want and no longer have to appease other people.

Oh well, what are your thoughts?

[skm]

I have the same problem. the best way that i have found to get around this is to focus in on something in the situation that i really like, this sometimes will make my expression seem 'normal' to other people, i would be interested if anyone had a better solution though.

[Solaris]

I seem utterly unable to control emotional expression on my face. My neutral face sometimes has made people think I was annoyed or bored, when I was really just thinking. However, whatever I'm feeling seems to always be right there on my face for anyone who cares to see it, or can interpret it. This is not always good.

[Jgib5328]

I seem utterly unable to control emotional expression on my face. My neutral face sometimes has made people think I was annoyed or bored, when I was really just thinking. However, whatever I'm feeling seems to always be right there on my face for anyone who cares to see it, or can interpret it. This is not always good.

Too bad you're not an INTJ, you'd be able to hide your emotions and what you are thinking.

[skm]

I find that my face tends to misrepresent my emotion frequently. so nothing is really hidden it is just miscommunicated

[Solaris]

Too bad you're not an INTJ, you'd be able to hide your emotions and what you are thinking.

Oh, I can hide what I am thinking just fine. I cannot hide my true emotions from F types though (Ts never notice). Darn observant NFs!!

If, for my own sake, I must hide something, I am fantastic at it. I just usually don't care to put the required effort into it. For instance, I don't give a damn if people know when I'm angry, so I don't care if it shows.

[skm]

I posted on another topic about this but i figured it is worth re stating. people tend to tell me to smile a lot, i guess they assume that it is an implied thing that people who are not smiling are pissed which is not the case 99% of the time. I smile when there is something worth smiling over. It really gets on my nerves especially when someone makes it a personal mission to get me to smile.

[Jgib5328]

I posted on another topic about this but i figured it is worth re stating. people tend to tell me to smile a lot, i guess they assume that it is an implied thing that people who are not smiling are pissed which is not the case 99% of the time. I smile when there is something worth smiling over. It really gets on my nerves especially when someone makes it a personal mission to get me to smile.

Omg I hate when people do this to me. They always say "why aren't you smiling?" "You should smile more?" "What's wrong? Why aren't you smiliing?" I see no point in smiling if I don't want to. I only smile if I feel like smiling, I'm not going to force it.

[Aoiluna]

I smile when there is something worth smiling over. It really gets on my nerves especially when someone makes it a personal mission to get me to smile.

Im with you on that 100%.


I am never aware of my facial expressions until someone tells me or I look into a mirror. I do have the ability to keep it unreadable though when I want to. I have troubles faking expressions, though.

[skm]

There are certain people out there who seem to be incapable of relating with someone unless they smile, i have never understood why this is but it is difficult to interact with these sort of people unless the situation for whatever reason is one where i am inclined to smile.

[xhaan]

I get this too, and I think it's made worse just by my facial structure, having high cheekbones, a large brow, and a square jaw... I think it tends to make me look 'pissed off' even when I'm not.

Heh, the irony is, when people don't say I look 'crazy' or 'angry', they say I look like Jesus.

[stasis]

I don't have very much experience intimidating people with my expression, but I am repeatedly told that I am "difficult to read." Meaning, my expression is often too close to blank and my voice too close to monotone. Or something? I guess that's what that means. While this may or may not be true when dealing with people I'm not very comfortable with, I would not say it is the case amongst the more familiar.

And I agree with the sentiment expressed above, about people demanding a smile for no reason. That is irritating. Especially when they won't drop it with prudence, at which point the repeated request becomes patronizing. I have however heard the prompt for constant smiling called more of a North American phenomenon; contrasted to, for example, Japan?

[Zilal]

I'm frequently asked "what's wrong?" I have no idea what they see in my face though. Someday I'll have to remember to ask... "Why, what do I look like?"

[skm]

And I agree with the sentiment expressed above, about people demanding a smile for no reason. That is irritating. Especially when they won't drop it with prudence, at which point the repeated request becomes patronizing. I have however heard the prompt for constant smiling called more of a North American phenomenon; contrasted to, for example, Japan?

From what I understand in japan it would probably simply be considered rude and they wouldn't say anything about it which in my opinion would be worse. I would guess that the culture in Germany and Switzerland would be more accepting.

[Jgib5328]

From what I understand in japan it would probably simply be considered rude and they wouldn't say anything about it which in my opinion would be worse. I would guess that the culture in Germany and Switzerland would be more accepting.

It would be rude to do what in Japan? Smile a lot or not smile enough?

[the natural]

Oh, I can hide what I am thinking just fine. I cannot hide my true emotions from F types though (Ts never notice). Darn observant NFs!!

NF's always tell me I'm "difficult to read." I've stopped worrying about it and just learned to enjoy it, if you give an NF too much of yourself to work with they will ruthlessly dissect you. If you like, you can let them know you've been listening by repeating back something they've said earlier in the conversation, this lets them know that you are engaged and in the conversation.

With S's, I've read that when an S is in the presence of an INTJ, the S feels like the INTJ can "see right through them" - especially what they are trying to hide. I've definitely been in this situation. I try not to be too sadistic with it, but it's definitely useful for gaining advantage in business situations.

Must....struggle....to use powers...for....good...

[Merle]

I frequently get told.. mainly by strangers in the street...stuff like "it's alright it might never happen", "smile love, it's not the end of the world" etc etc... it used to annoy me... it doesn't really bother me now, come to think of it, it doesn't happen so often now... maybe I've unconcsiously shifted my natural stern expression...or maybe it's become so severe that even the people that would have said something before are intimidated now lol

[Jgib5328]

NF's always tell me I'm "difficult to read." I've stopped worrying about it and just learned to enjoy it, if you give an NF too much of yourself to work with they will ruthlessly dissect you. If you like, you can let them know you've been listening by repeating back something they've said earlier in the conversation, this lets them know that you are engaged and in the conversation.

With S's, I've read that when an S is in the presence of an INTJ, the S feels like the INTJ can "see right through them" - especially what they are trying to hide. I've definitely been in this situation. I try not to be too sadistic with it, but it's definitely useful for gaining advantage in business situations.

Must....struggle....to use powers...for....good...


Where did you get this article? Can you send me a link please?





Jgib5328 added to this post, 1 minutes and 19 seconds later...

I frequently get told.. mainly by strangers in the street...stuff like "it's alright it might never happen", "smile love, it's not the end of the world" etc etc... it used to annoy me... it doesn't really bother me now, come to think of it, it doesn't happen so often now... maybe I've unconcsiously shifted my natural stern expression...or maybe it's become so severe that even the people that would have said something before are intimidated now lol

I think it's so obnoxious when random people say things like that to you. I hate when they do it to me, it's like "I don't even fucking know you". You usually don't say things like the to people you aren't familiar with.

[Uytuun]

Generally pretty unreadable. But I blush easily. Which kind of sucks.

[skm]

It would be rude to do what in Japan? Smile a lot or not smile enough?

It would be rude to not smile, especially when meeting someone for the first time or in polite company.

[xhaan]

I frequently get told.. mainly by strangers in the street...stuff like "it's alright it might never happen", "smile love, it's not the end of the world" etc etc... it used to annoy me... it doesn't really bother me now, come to think of it, it doesn't happen so often now... maybe I've unconcsiously shifted my natural stern expression...or maybe it's become so severe that even the people that would have said something before are intimidated now lol

I find people who do this sort of thing do have a tendency to 'cheer' me, if I'm not being rigid and just accept their good intentions. I often find myself smiling because of it, when I don't let it annoy me.

[OneBadMother]

People ask me what's wrong every once in a while when I'm perfectly fine. Unless tone of voice gives me away, I'm almost never caught when I'm actually feeling out of sorts.

My INTJ friend has the habit of staring into space when he's thinking and the habit of furrowing his brow when he's thinking. These two things combined make it so that whenever he zones out while sitting across from someone, it'll look like he's staring angrily at them. I know better, but I wonder if he ever gets any comments on that from others.

[bubbles]

Maybe you're just stressed. I'm stressed out a lot of the time and I don't even notice. When I'm stressed, no matter how relaxed I feel at the moment, my facial expression displays that emotionless expression. People have commented about my "stone-face" too. It's hard for me to force a fake smile a lot of times, but it is relatively easy for me to smile when greeting someone I want to see.

I see through fake smiles pretty easily, and most people do not. That's probably why they expect smiles everywhere. It bothers me when people are forcing themselves to be happy and smiling, and those people tend to repel me even though what they're doing is considered "polite."

[Obstinate]

In the words of Elliott Smith:

"You should crack a smile, once in a while. It makes you pretty"

Basically, smiling helps.

[INTJoe]

Yes, I've gotten all these comments from people. It doesn't bother me much. They are pretty shallow people for not understanding that some of us actually ponder things when in the presence of shallow people who are in no way interesting.

I used to have a manager at the grocery store who would INCESSANTLY walk by me and go "Smiiiiiiile Joe..." and he was a dude. Like I'm just supposed to stand in front of my register and FUCKING SMILE the whole time!? Why???? I'm at work. If I saw some teenager smiling while working at the grocery store I would feel sorry for them.

Without fail..."Smiiiiiiiile, Joe.....smiiiiiiiiiiiile."

REGARDLESS of the fact that I was about twice as fast at ringing up groceries and worked harder than most of the cashiers and NEVER had complaints from customers. I was always diplomatic in settling disputes and would do so in a timely manner. In my opinion I'm not there to entertain the customers, but to get them in and out as fast as possible while still providing better-than-average service, minimum.

So if anyone knows big, fat, idiot Mike McAuliffe with the Safeway Co. (formerly Randalls) in Texas, bring his head to me on a stick.

Although one day he did catch me reading a magazine in the aisle when I was supposed to be returning goods to the shelf. HAHAHA. I was totally busted, but he just said "good magazine?" and kept walking. I knew he couldn't fire me...I was not easily replaceable.

[lowbrass]

My INTJ friend has the habit of staring into space when he's thinking and the habit of furrowing his brow when he's thinking. These two things combined make it so that whenever he zones out while sitting across from someone, it'll look like he's staring angrily at them.

I'm definitely guilty of that. I will either wrinkle my brow or squint a little while either thinking or focusing on details - and, the thing is, it's not like I need to do that in order to think or focus! Often, my face will look serious and either inspire a "what's wrong?" inquiry or, my least favorite, "whatcha thinkin' about?" It's just as bad as when I'm in the midst of doing something, and someone has to tell me to do THAT very thing.

[Aoiluna]

Oh and another thing, sometimes when im nervous around someone (especially when Im walking past them and glancing at their face) my eyes tend to water and it looks like Im about to cry. Does this happen to any of you? Its really embarrassing and annoying.

[Jgib5328]

Oh and another thing, sometimes when im nervous around someone (especially when Im walking past them and glancing at their face) my eyes tend to water and it looks like Im about to cry. Does this happen to any of you? Its really embarrassing and annoying.

lol no that's never happened to me but that is funny.

[AgentofGaming]

Oh and another thing, sometimes when im nervous around someone (especially when Im walking past them and glancing at their face) my eyes tend to water and it looks like Im about to cry. Does this happen to any of you? Its really embarrassing and annoying.
Yes, then trying to dry out the eyes, makes people really think you are crying.

I don' t know why my eyes have a tendency to water during high stress.:thinking:

[quentin]

That happens when I'm really nervous, too. My eyes start to water up. It must freak other people out. I certainly don't want it to happen but my bodily reactions are sometimes out of my control.

[ElGuyay]

I got told I was "mean mugging everyone in the room" by some guy as someone was doing some paperwork for me. I told him I want to beat up everyone I see.

[the natural]

Where did you get this article? Can you send me a link please?


To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Fellow workers of INTJs often feel as if the INTJ can see right through them, and often believe that the INTJ finds them wanting. This tendency of people to feel transparent in the presence of the INTJ often results in relationships which have psychological distance.

I think it's common for S's especially to feel this way (or it should be!), not sure where I read the bit about S's.

[OmegaPsi]

Yep, I'd be in thought just staring out and people would ask what I'm angry at or something.

[Lainy]

It's not really a problem when you are playing cards games, I've scared a lot of people because of that.

[NephilimAzrael]

If I could count the number of people who mistook my facial expressions for aggression on one hand, Id be a sperm whale.

[Autoptic]

In response to being asked what's was wrong when sitting alone thinking,
A couple girls in school used to do that. It's still amazing how that never registered back then. As the to annoying ones, most people thought I was angry which ironically I never was when they mentioned it.

and in general,
...apparently my brow ridges over deep set eyes, natural widows peak, and the general appearance of my eye area make me look angry...

[VinceVanGo]

Omg I hate when people do this to me. They always say "why aren't you smiling?" "You should smile more?" "What's wrong? Why aren't you smiliing?" I see no point in smiling if I don't want to. I only smile if I feel like smiling, I'm not going to force it.

LOL!! I posted something like this on a similar thread. I think it's strange to walk around with a smile all the time. It's just not the natural resting state of my facial muscles, and I feel like a psycho if I walk around grinning.

I have had the type of feedback that you refer to in your OP so much that I have made it a point to soften my facial expression at work. It's hard because I do a lot of my thinking when walking from point A to point B. My brain moves faster than I can physically get there, so in my head I'm already preparing and doing the tasks I need to do when I get to my destination. It's my time in my head, but I know that if I get in that state my face will scare people. That's silly, but that's how it is.

[vanidence]

Oh, great Thread =D
I used to have that "evil Face" Problem a lot. I never noticed, until I saw some Photos with me on it. *lol*
So...when taking Photos now, I always "fake" a Smile or so. Just to not have to hear any stupid Comments. ^^°

Also when walking around and looking at People, I DO notice I make such a Face so...I "adjust" it, whenever I notice. Altho...only when I really have to. Because I dun feel like changing and faking for Someone elses Sake. ô.o

[Tea]

My mates screamed at me "you look like a murderer!", and then laughed themselves silly just last week.
I was focused on locating them - it was a crowded area.
People tend to ask if I'm all right too, like when I start to think hard about things.
It gets tiring.

[BajanMan]

Well, it's nice to see that I'm not alone in the world. Yep - I don't smile a lot, and many people pass me off as being ever serious, or just pissed off all the time. But conversely, I think tat people who seemingly have a grin surgically attached to their faces are quite retarded as well, so I guess I shouldn't complain about people complaining about me. Over the years, I've made a bit more of a concerted effort to smile more and be more warm with people, and engage (or try) in more small talk (I hate small talk - so gay:thumbsdown:..), though such behaviour obviously doesn't come natural to me. But I'll probably have people walk around me on the sidewalk, or women be afraid to approach me for fear of me biting them or something (doesn't seem to apply to California women for some reason - they seem a bit more bolder to me..). Ah well (sighing), luckily, I've got other talents that make up for my lack of social desireability.....:bucktooth:

[True Rune]

I just noticed I look kind of angry when I dive. I used to get told to smile some more, but not much anymore. It's been awhile since anyone's talked about a death stare. Could be good, could be bad.

[Reganon]

I had the angry face problem. Whenever I would think I would end up scowling and people would ask what was wrong. It's not too bad if you're trying to be left alone, but it makes interacting with people you don't know that well very uncomfortable.

[zippikay]

hmm, i actually was told by my sister not to smile...
if i don't smile, people would not approach me
if i smile, people would run since she said that i look even more evil smiling and paired with my emotionless stare i would look like someone who just have an epiphany of how to destroy the world...
then again, she's an s

[alphawolf]

My general facial expression is somtimes so sharp that I really intimidate people, especially women. Like I'm not even trying to look mad and am usually not in any particular mood, but on several occasions people (complete strangers) have said, "you look like you could kill someone".

Oh well, what are your thoughts?

Have you been getting enough sex?

[dogwoodlover]

I worked at In-N-Out Burger for a year, and without fail, at least once every other day, my managers would say "smiiiiile Josiah, you're scaring off the customers!" It used to piss me off.

I tend to not realize it, but according to most people I appear like I'd be liable to punch someone in the face if they tried to talk to me. I'm not a mean guy, though I can be rather harsh in my opinions of people. Personally, I tend to not care if people misjudge me. Its also kind of nice, people don't try to fuck with me.

[radames]

Perhaps an interesting test would be to see what kind of facial expression one has while sleeping, as they are in a state of total relaxation. That could be termed "neutral" and any deviation from that is typically an emotional response.

[Vastfnup]

I have been told that I look like I am pissed off a the gym on a number of occasions. If I wasn't BSing with someone then I had no reason to lighten my facial expression. I am usually focused and intense at the gym. The people at work are used to my demeanor, so I don't get that kind of feedback from them.

[VinceVanGo]

I have been told that I look like I am pissed off a the gym on a number of occasions. If I wasn't BSing with someone then I had no reason to lighten my facial expression. I am usually focused and intense at the gym. The people at work are used to my demeanor, so I don't get that kind of feedback from them.

What's with the pic on your avatar? You look angry? Is it something we said? jk

[Autoptic]

I have been told that I look like I am pissed off a the gym on a number of occasions. If I wasn't BSing with someone then I had no reason to lighten my facial expression. I am usually focused and intense at the gym. The people at work are used to my demeanor, so I don't get that kind of feedback from them.

I've genuinely scared people in the gym though many are curiously oblivious with the occasional smiler that's starting to worry me, and I mean males.:suspicious:

Off topic, ever deadlift more than twice someone's bodyweight while they wandered right up to one side then acted offended when you set it down like you were supposed to have taken it out of their area? Then, there's the socializing bench pressers, and by bench press I just mean their bodyweight sitting on it.

[Vastfnup]

I don't want to misrepresent myself by having a more visually appealing smiling picture. However, since I am usually in a good mood perhaps I am misrepresenting myself either way.:thinking:

Another deadlifter? I am not surprised. No one ever gives me crap when I deadlift, or anything else for that matter. Check that - One time I was doing bent over rows at the standing bar rack (one of those things that people do rows, straightleg deads, and sometimes deads at.) This guy asks me if that is what that rack is intended for. I should have apologized profusely for occupying the "curl rack" with my exercise. As we all know, you have to have a special rack to do curls. Its physically impossible to do curls anywhere else.:rolleyes:

I manage to avoid most of the stupidity by going during off peak hours.

[Kensington]

I've been told that I have a somewhat angry relaxed facial expression and that I come across as being unimpressed (kind of true) with everyone else most of the time. This is usually not the case. I am not always pissed off or mad, I just don't feel that it is necessary for me to smile all the time and flaunt to everyone my emotions.

[Okrojsha]

I worked at In-N-Out Burger for a year, and without fail, at least once every other day, my managers would say "smiiiiile Josiah, you're scaring off the customers!" It used to piss me off.

I tend to not realize it, but according to most people I appear like I'd be liable to punch someone in the face if they tried to talk to me. I'm not a mean guy, though I can be rather harsh in my opinions of people. Personally, I tend to not care if people misjudge me. Its also kind of nice, people don't try to fuck with me.

Heh, this made me laugh. I've got similar experiences and I definitely do not care what people might think. The serious "don't f... with me" expression always seemed to help, even with the guys much bigger than me. I think people can tell when someone means business without saying a single word. Regarding the personal attitude and harsh opinion on many people, my own "significant other" (boy, do I hate cliche terminology) referred to me as "being brutal" in front of our good friends. Damn those sensitive and intuitive INFJs. :)

[Jan]

I usually tend to feel bored and indifferent at school when I am with a big group of people, but I put a smile on because I find that people will relax and feel more comfortable around me. I don't like the feeling that people are uncomfortable around me, maybe because I seriously avoid conflict at all times, INTJ trait?

[Sequoia]

When I was young, I used to get asked all the time what is wrong or told to smile. I always found it condensending.

What changed as I got older was that I developed a keep sense of the absurd, I am able to see the humor in much of daily life. I let my amusement show on my face, and if nothing currently going on is funny, I just need to recall a recently funny moment. My main focus as I go about my day is the task at hand of course, but the humor is in the background and it gives me an expression that is not threatening or overly intense.

It also helps that being an NF, I am able to reach out and connect with people at will if I so desire. A casual greeting of the store clerk, for example can be given with genuine warmth, surprising them. I guess I make an impression because people remember me by name who work at businesses I used, even if I haven't been there for awhile and they deal with hundreds of people.

The point is, don't fake what you don't feel. But if you can feel an emotion by recalling an experience and it shows on your face, it may help at putting people at ease if that is what you wish to accomplish.

Not everyone is intimidated by an INT blank face. ;)

[Factoid]

I used to work with a bunch of marketing folks (Extroverts and Feelers through and through). For the longest time they thought I was always angry or aloof.
I still get that quite a bit. People assume they know what I am feeling and thinking when really they have no idea.
I also have had similar experiences of people telling me to "cheer up" and it usually catches me by surprise and then starts to irritate me.
I find myself 'faking' facial expressions like interest or concern more as i get older. Not because I like to , but because it can be a major obstacle in the work place if people had the wrong impression of you. God I hate even admitting that. I am not a people pleaser, but I got to look out for my job...

[Night Runner]

I get this too, and I think it's made worse just by my facial structure, having high cheekbones, a large brow, and a square jaw... I think it tends to make me look 'pissed off' even when I'm not.

Wow, same exact thing here - except I also have a high forehead. Add to that the fact that I'm 6'2", rather broad-shouldered, and really like to wear leather jackets (they are incredibly durable and can be worn with pretty much anything - it's only rational! :))... People usually tend to panic when I walk past/near them, and I'm never bothered by beggars. On the other hand, when I'm with my buddies/roommates, having a good time and actually smiling/laughing, this tends to short-circuit people's minds. Their facial expressions when that happens are priceless.

[Antar]

Well people have told me that i look like a terrorist...

[JustMel]

I get so tired of hearing "smile" or "why are you mad" ugh.. Not everyone wears a smile on their face all the time. One of my ex bosses told me "mel you have a beautiful smile but you rarely smile. You always look so down or pissed off" I informed him that smiling was not in my job description but he could feel free to add it to my goals at my next evaluation and then told him to get out of my office since I had both my job and his to finish before leaving for the day.

[Anon722]

Sort of....

Work on your grooming. Soften it a little. Smile... Practice in front of the mirror if you like.

You will be an ashton kutcher in no time.

:)





Anon722 added to this post, 5 minutes and 17 seconds later...

I mean... If you like/need to change the impression you make.

If you do not need to care about it... you will be doing what I do. I am secretly proud of my sharp face and tremor-eliciting gaze. So it comes out even when it screws stuff quite a bit.

haha... It keeps things interesting.

[theDoc]

I seldom smile but will do so if it's something that I feel really pleased/touched about. I don't know how some people can be prancing through life smiling at everything, including the bad.

[Acextreme]

Hah, it seems INTJ and smiling just don't go well together. I just can't pull off a smile in an instant, unlike most other people. Even in front of a camera, I'm just UNABLE to pull off a smile, not even for a while. Any attempts to do so will look like a very VERY fake plastic smile. Hence, I hate to have my pictures taken. Ever since I was young, adults would keep telling me to smile, as if it's a natural thing. Why do we have to smile when we don't feel like it? Just because you smiled means you are happy with everything? What a simpleton way of thinking...

[HeyZeus]

I've been told that I have a somewhat angry relaxed facial expression and that I come across as being unimpressed (kind of true) with everyone else most of the time. This is usually not the case. I am not always pissed off or mad, I just don't feel that it is necessary for me to smile all the time and flaunt to everyone my emotions.

Right. You are correct. It may be amusing to politely inform them it's extremely unlikely any of them are capable of shocking or surprising you or uttering anything that can even momentarily disorient your consciousness, but encourage them to have fun trying.

[phej]

Hah, it seems INTJ and smiling just don't go well together. I just can't pull off a smile in an instant, unlike most other people. Even in front of a camera, I'm just UNABLE to pull off a smile, not even for a while. Any attempts to do so will look like a very VERY fake plastic smile. Hence, I hate to have my pictures taken. Ever since I was young, adults would keep telling me to smile, as if it's a natural thing. Why do we have to smile when we don't feel like it? Just because you smiled means you are happy with everything? What a simpleton way of thinking...

You can fix the plastic smile by moving more than your lips upward. A genuine smile (Duchenne smile) includes moving the rest of the face upwards.

[2obvious]

Some of us seem to think this phenomenon is a facial structure thing, but that would mean either

INTJs are physical built different, or
the problem's not so exclusive our MBTI type.

I'd like to explore this.

My INTJ friend has the habit of...furrowing his brow when he's thinking.
I think this is the number one source of the problem: an INTJ's resting physical state is thought. And thought reads like anger from the brow up.

To avoid the compromise of forcing a smile all the time, I tend not to look directly at people when I'm talking. Also, I'll frequently use hand gestures to shield my face (such as cupping my mouth).
Unless tone of voice gives me away...
Also, I put on a bit of the "phone voice." I don't find this overtly deceptive, as my general tone is pretty deep; more inflection keeps me from having to repeat myself or talk in a higher pitch.

[rahdam]

My general facial expression is somtimes so sharp that I really intimidate people, especially women. Like I'm not even trying to look mad and am usually not in any particular mood, but on several occasions people (complete strangers) have said, "you look like you could kill someone". I mean I like it like this because I think it's really cool, but I realize that eventually I'm going to have to fix this, because I can't go around intimidating people, because they are necessary to achieve the things that I want, unfortunately.

Do any of you guys have this problem? I sometimes try injecting more emotion into myself and try to 'soften' up, but that requires effort and I only do it when I have to, usually things that are related to achieving my goals. I honestly HATE the idea of having to change myself for other people. I just can't wait till I attain enough power so that I can do whatever the hell I want and no longer have to appease other people.

Oh well, what are your thoughts?

I can have a hard gaze from time to time. When people call me on it, I'll flash a smile and start up a conversation to disarm them.

[Kele-De]

I have had this "problem" ever since I can remember. I would get in trouble as a kid for having that pensive gaze. I especially have problems at places where people are supposedly having fun. The last time I was out at a loud bar with a group of friends I went out of my way to be kind and smile and this guy came up to me and told me I looked really mad and I was really trying hard to fit in with the crowd. It reminded me of a photo shoot I had to have done for a job and when I saw the proofs I had this look on my face like I was confused and in pain-- when really I was just super busy and deep in thought. When I put the two experiences together I realized that I just can't fake happy. If I know I have to wear my happy face I do something before the event that genuinely makes me happy. Interacting with a kid or a dog or listening to Motown usually does the trick for me.

[llBradll]

As general advice for everybody here, when you meet new people, you should definitely make an attempt to smile. The good first impression can last for a while If your the type that rarely would smile.

My mom also found a way to make me smile when we had a family photo. Right before the camera went off she said to me "pretend you like us" and I couldn't help but smile. I almost started laughing, not because I don't like them, but because of the sarcasm.

[Zsych]

I've gotten comments about not looking happy, to looking murderous - typically both wrong, since I'm not feeling much emotion at all typically when I get those comments.

[QuintessentialI]

I've been told on occasion that I look like I'm pissed when in actuality, I'm simply in deep thought. Some have told me that I can be somewhat intimidating because I don't smile much and my general demeanor is interpreted as cold or vacant. Over the years, I've learned to fake a smile and a friendly demeanor so I can appear more approachable.

[Macbeth]

I think this is the number one source of the problem: an INTJ's resting physical state is thought. And thought reads like anger from the brow up.

That's a good point. If that's you in the picture there, it does look like you are angry even though you may not be. On many occasions, even by those who have known me the longest (like parents, relatives, etc.) I have been accused of "looking angry" when I'm not at all. And then people treat me as though I were angry, which makes me angry.

*sigh*

[Quite8the8bell]

I get comments around the lines of "are you okay?" so often! I know what you mean... it takes a lot of effort for me to change my face up a bit. I rarely do that anyways, only when I'm with someone I respect. (quite rare)

[hidden]

I am not a smiler. Although I do get a range of comments and complaints that suggest I do otherwise.

[2obvious]

I'd like to explore this.

(Follow me, people...)


INTJs are physical built different, or


This, I doubt. My mother had a pretty severe resting face. She also had one of the biggest smiles I've ever seen. (Actually, I have the same ear-to-ear grin. But just try to coax it out of me...)


the problem's not so exclusive our MBTI type.


We're not the only thinkers. Isn't this quite possibly just an T trait? Or an IT trait?

[thod]

When watching the vids of different types talking on youtube, I noticed this. The INTJ's had almost no facial expressions. This disconcerts most people since they are used to reading your face for your emotional reaction. It is hardly surprising that people read your face in the same way they would a normal person and conclude that you are either not interested or are suppressing anger.

A smile will win you the hearts of people more than the best argument. If your face is naturally immobile perhaps you should learn to fake it.

[GraveDancer]

I''ll look like an angry dude when I'm thinking which is a lot. People tell me that I sort of scowl or sneer, something like that. Though as soon as some one starts to make a clever joke, or says something really stupid I get this huge smile thing going. Kind of like the Joker apparently. It kind of throws people off especially people who don't know me. They be all whats wrong and I'll stop thinking and start smiling and kind of laughing say whats wrong I'm having a time man then continue on my way, laughing.

[Lurch]

Just learn to fake it, people.

Seriously, it's not that hard, and it'll make your interactions with people go SOOO much better once you learn to show the appropriate expressions and mannerisms during your interactions with people.

Though I'm a total loner, people still think I'm a nice guy because I can listen attentively, and I've learned to show/respond to people in such a way as to make that connection instead of remaining aloof.

('course I actually am a nice guy, but if I didn't make the effort people would think I was aloof AND a SOB).

Like I said, this will help you out at work for sure. Despite being a loner in social situations at work, I'm still thought well of by my coworkers and bosses, and I've never had problems with people bugging me about being an axe murderer or anything :p

It's rather ironic that I can put on such a good show at work and yet still have no social life, but I guess it uses up so much energy to pull it off at work that there's not much left in the tank!

Anyway, in closing of this long-winded post, let me remind the INTJs on here that we pride ourselves on our intellect, knowledge, and learning ability, so it shouldn't be any big deal to figure out how to put on a "show" to improve people's opinion of you, when it's to your benefit! It ain't rocket science! It's just learning how to smile, nod, frown, whatever, at the appropriate moment. Simple!


(for some reason this approach doesn't work on my social life though, so I can't help you there! ;D )

[Hasway]

People usually think I'm sad. That's probably because when I'm thinking, I get a slight out-of-there look on my face that people sometimes use when they're sad. When people ask me that though, I usually find it funny, so it makes me smile.

[Hatsumomo1]

I have the same problem. People say I always look gloomy, when I'm really just thinking a lot. If I think about something I really dislike I look scary, I've been told.

When I'm aware of it, I just think of something funny. At least that makes me smirk a little, which makes me look mischievous. Better than looking gloomy and angry, right?

[SelfInflected]

I have been known to show anger, and often. Because of this, people see my unexpressive face, and they just assume I'm pissed, which I most likely am.