Women in the office

[curiousgeorge01]

So I work in an office with an open cubicle environment (basically it means there are cubicles but they're short enough you can see everyone). Often times the women who pass by (the young attractive ones) stay a bit to chat with me, which I find odd. Now you may say well it's great that women talk to you but I just don't "get it," it's not like I'm particularly talkative and my head is in the cubicle all the time. Some guys in the office are like "well I think she likes you" to which I say, "noo..she's married, and she's taken." Is it that women in the office just need some sort of attention, that somebody notices them?? And does he have to be decent looking??

[Vagrant]

Or maybe it's because you treat them like a human.

I know some women who enjoy talking to me because I'm not always trying to get in their pants.

[Storm]

Are you one of the younger or lower ranked people in the office? (They could feel it's okay to pal around with the younger person, while they wouldn't stop and talk to the brass.) Do these women also stop at other people's cubes? (They could just be extroverted people.) Are you generally friendly to them, as in, you sit there and listen instead of asking them to leave? (They could just like talking at you.) Where is your cube located? If it's right next to a well-trafficked area, then no wonder they stop.

Most importantly, what kind office is this? What is the office environment? I've worked at places where people are very gossipy and friendly, and at places where people are just there for the job.

[JohnDoe]

Does it matter? Don't get involved with your coworkers...

[LionsPride]

Assuming that they aren't interested in you, there are a number of office people that self appoint themselves to be the social committee. They may be thinking "oh that poor curiousgeorge, I should chat with him and get him out of that shell. He's probably just shy and would appreciate it if I stop by and chat..." Some do it to be nice, others do it to learn new gossip, but whatever the reason, usually the idea that a person doesn't want to be interrupted doesn't occur to them.

[mel]

Its relatively normal for them to stop by and talk. Ive found that a lot of these women dont purposely have something to say, but instinctively just want to say something....perhaps your thinking too much about this?

[The Maelstrom]

Does it matter? Don't get involved with your coworkers...

Don't listen to him, he's the negative INFJ :p

Its fine to get involved but don't get ROMANTICALLY involved if it has a chance of biting you in the ass. To that effect I'd say get to know them first and decide after. And if you choose not to at least you know someone new who quite possibly has some friends who might interest you.

[Cocoa]

I do that. I consciously make sure I'm on good chatty terms with everyone in the office. Don't be paranoid about it, it prolly means nothing other then what it is; just chatting.

[Storm]

Its fine to get involved but don't get ROMANTICALLY involved if it has a chance of biting you in the ass.

How does one get involved without getting romantically involved? Is there some other sort of involvement besides romantic involvement?

[Seriously]

Women aren't like men. We can like talking to someone just because we find them interesting and have no romantic/sexual feelings for them.

Crazy, huh? :p

[dalidaisy]

How does one get involved without getting romantically involved? Is there some other sort of involvement besides romantic involvement?

Maybe he means "get it on" involved?

[The Maelstrom]

How does one get involved without getting romantically involved? Is there some other sort of involvement besides romantic involvement?

I view involvement with someone as any form of relationship. Heck you can even be mildly flirty with someone without it being romantic.

[dalidaisy]

I tend to make all kinds of male friends at work & never get romantically involved with any of them. We've had beers after work & gotten together for cookouts or a night on the town on weekends as well, with no romantic or sexual involvement.

I think this goes back to the whole "men & women can't be friends" nonsense. It just depends on the person.

[JohnDoe]

For the record I meant that romantic relationships with coworkers are dangerous.

[curiousgeorge01]

Are you one of the younger or lower ranked people in the office? (They could feel it's okay to pal around with the younger person, while they wouldn't stop and talk to the brass.) Do these women also stop at other people's cubes? (They could just be extroverted people.) Are you generally friendly to them, as in, you sit there and listen instead of asking them to leave? (They could just like talking at you.) Where is your cube located? If it's right next to a well-trafficked area, then no wonder they stop.

Most importantly, what kind office is this? What is the office environment? I've worked at places where people are very gossipy and friendly, and at places where people are just there for the job.

1. Yes I'm one of the younger and lower ranked ones.
2. Yes I do listen and be friendly until they're done.
3. Yes I'm in a well trafficked area.

There are about 10 other people who fit my profile but they don't get talked to (well 1 and 3 anyway, I don't know about 2). No they don't stop by other people's cubes from what I've noticed. The people here aren't particularly gossipy or friendly but I usually have a smile on my face when people stop by (maybe that's it!)

Well I notice that a lot of these women flirt with me too (use seductive tones, or play with me like "I can't believe you said that" touch my shoulder or something like that). It's not so much that I'm trying to make something out of it, I guess I'm just trying to understand the female mind.

I've also noticed that sometimes I may unintentionally flirt. One time I was talking to a new girl and she said she had to go back to work and that "she couldn't concentrate with me chatting her up" to which I replied "well, couldn't help myself," she turned beet red.

Anyhow I guess I'm more curious to know do women use this as a way to get acknowledgment, as in to feel attractive about themselves?


Don't listen to him, he's the negative INFJ :p

Its fine to get involved but don't get ROMANTICALLY involved if it has a chance of biting you in the ass. To that effect I'd say get to know them first and decide after. And if you choose not to at least you know someone new who quite possibly has some friends who might interest you.

Yea you remember that from my other thread huh? LOL.

[Prunesquallor]

Some people like talking to other people.
I know you're an intj, but you need to learn that.

Ulterior motives don't have to come into everything, and neither does sex. It's called a conversation. It's this thing that people do with each other, socially...

[Seriously]

For the record I meant that romantic relationships with coworkers are dangerous.


Sometimes dangerous is fun. :evil: I've had a few office romances and they were very....spicy.

[curiousgeorge01]

Some people like talking to other people.
I know you're an intj, but you need to learn that.

Ulterior motives don't have to come into everything, and neither does sex. It's called a conversation. It's this thing that people do with each other, socially...

Well I feel like you're just giving it a "it just is what it is" type of answer. I'm not necessarily looking for an ulterior motive, I just want to know what they want or is being social something they crave?

[dalidaisy]

OP, maybe they see you as "safe". I particularly avoid certain people in most all interactions with other people, work or otherwise. If I'm forced to converse, I'll pick the person least likely to cause me problems or spread my business with others. This situation doesn't have to be about sex.

[Seriously]

Anyhow I guess I'm more curious to know do women use this as a way to get acknowledgment, as in to feel attractive about themselves?

I flirt because I enjoy flirting. It's fun. I'm sure I'm not the only woman who feels that way.

[curiousgeorge01]

Its relatively normal for them to stop by and talk. Ive found that a lot of these women dont purposely have something to say, but instinctively just want to say something....perhaps your thinking too much about this?

Instinctively want to say something? Why?

I flirt because I enjoy flirting. It's fun. I'm sure I'm not the only woman who feels that way.

Ok, but would you only flirt with someone you find SOMEWHAT attractive? I mean you wouldn't flirt with just anyone right?

[dalidaisy]

Instinctively want to say something? Why?

There are many people in this world who just love to talk. They love being around other people. These are people I typically try to avoid, but they tend to be the majority. I think you're going to have to get used to it.

[Prunesquallor]

Well I feel like you're just giving it a "it just is what it is" type of answer. I'm not necessarily looking for an ulterior motive, I just want to know what they want or is being social something they crave?

They don't necessarily want anything much. It's just something that people do. One of those things so normal it shouldn't really require explanation.

But if you're being a big flirt (in a non-creepy way) then maybe some do like the attention also.

[Synamon]

Anyhow I guess I'm more curious to know do women use this as a way to get acknowledgment, as in to feel attractive about themselves?

Do women flirt to feel attractive? Of course.

Can a woman be friendly with no ulterior motive? Sure.

Why did you start this thread in the Dating subforum?

[dalidaisy]

Ok, but would you only flirt with someone you find SOMEWHAT attractive? I mean you wouldn't flirt with just anyone right?

My best friend, the ESFP, flirts with everyone, regardless of her interest in them, gender or marital status. She will even flirt with couples. She's not looking for anything, it's just her way. I think she simply likes the attention, any way she can get it. Flirting is like playing a game & she's an expert at it.

[Seriously]

My best friend, the ESFP, flirts with everyone, regardless of her interest in them, gender or marital status. She will even flirt with couples. She's not looking for anything, it's just her way. I think she simply likes the attention, any way she can get it. Flirting is like playing a game & she's an expert at it.

Depending on my mood I'll flirt with a variety of people for a lot of different reasons..men, women..if someone looks like they are having a bad day...if I just feel like smiling and being smiled at. I call it being friendly but everyone else says I'm flirting.

[curiousgeorge01]

Do women flirt to feel attractive? Of course.

Can a woman be friendly with no ulterior motive? Sure.

Why did you start this thread in the Dating subforum?

Well I thought it was borderline sociology and dating. Sorry!


Depending on my mood I'll flirt with a variety of people for a lot of different reasons..men, women..if someone looks like they are having a bad day...if I just feel like smiling and being smiled at. I call it being friendly but everyone else says I'm flirting.

sigh* I feel like the answers are like "let women be they are what they are," is there nothing definitive!?? Or do they just like being unpredictable!!


OP, maybe they see you as "safe". I particularly avoid certain people in most all interactions with other people, work or otherwise. If I'm forced to converse, I'll pick the person least likely to cause me problems or spread my business with others. This situation doesn't have to be about sex.

Yes it may be that also. I've found that people don't get a bad vibe from me.

[dalidaisy]

sigh* I feel like the answers are like "let women be they are what they are," is there nothing definitive!??

It's not just women that do this. What's your ulterior motive for entertaining them? Do you not flirt in return? When they come over to talk, you could tell them you aren't interested.

Do you want them to talk to you? To flirt with you? Would you take one up on an offer of something more than friendly co-worker?

[curiousgeorge01]

It's not just women that do this. What's your ulterior motive for entertaining them? Do you not flirt in return? When they come over to talk, you could tell them you aren't interested.

Do you want them to talk to you? To flirt with you? Would you take one up on an offer of something more than friendly co-worker?

I don't have an ulterior motive, but then again I'm not the one looking to chat. I could tell them I'm not interested but there are other social pressures to worry about like being known as the ass of the office!

I don't really care for either. Honestly I'm really at the point where I don't want to date but it seems the less I want it, the more people talk to me! I'm like WTF!

[Maddy]

There are about 10 other people who fit my profile but they don't get talked to (well 1 and 3 anyway, I don't know about 2). No they don't stop by other people's cubes from what I've noticed. The people here aren't particularly gossipy or friendly but I usually have a smile on my face when people stop by (maybe that's it!)

Well I notice that a lot of these women flirt with me too (use seductive tones, or play with me like "I can't believe you said that" touch my shoulder or something like that). It's not so much that I'm trying to make something out of it, I guess I'm just trying to understand the female mind.

I've also noticed that sometimes I may unintentionally flirt. One time I was talking to a new girl and she said she had to go back to work and that "she couldn't concentrate with me chatting her up" to which I replied "well, couldn't help myself," she turned beet red.

Anyhow I guess I'm more curious to know do women use this as a way to get acknowledgment, as in to feel attractive about themselves?



um, if they are ESFJs maybe. if they are ENFJs they probably genuinely want to sleep with you and will eventually try to.
ISFPs and ESFPs like the challenge of seducing the "standoffish" or "uninterested" guy and will also probably sleep with you, although it will be up to you to initiate the whole thing.

[Prunesquallor]

sigh* I feel like the answers are like "let women be they are what they are," is there nothing definitive!?? Or do they just like being unpredictable!!

Of course there's nothing definitive. We're not a homogenous group. There's no one reason every female has for doing any one thing. Same with guys.

Look, it's just normal socialising. No need to get your panties in a twist.

[Maddy]

I don't really care for either. Honestly I'm really at the point where I don't want to date but it seems the less I want it, the more people talk to me! I'm like WTF!

i get that a lot too. it is because (many extroverted type) ppl confuse disinterest with super-confidence and you suddenly become a coveted prize.

[curiousgeorge01]

Of course there's nothing definitive. We're not a homogenous group. There's no one reason every female has for doing any one thing. Same with guys.

Look, it's just normal socialising. No need to get your panties in a twist.

Well I always have to have I need to figure this out mentality. Sometimes I feel like there is an answer but women guard it heavily so that no man can use it against them. It doesn't make any sense!

[Seriously]

I don't have an ulterior motive, but then again I'm not the one looking to chat. I could tell them I'm not interested but there are other social pressures to worry about like being known as the ass of the office!

I don't really care for either. Honestly I'm really at the point where I don't want to date but it seems the less I want it, the more people talk to me! I'm like WTF!

Just tell them you would really like to talk but you are busy with work..then look down at papers on your desk and shuffle them around...then you seem like a workaholic not an ass.

[curiousgeorge01]

um, if they are ESFJs maybe. if they are ENFJs they probably genuinely want to sleep with you and will eventually try to.
ISFPs and ESFPs like the challenge of seducing the "standoffish" or "uninterested" guy and will also probably sleep with you, although it will be up to you to initiate the whole thing.

That's funny you say that. The one office romance I had (I spoke about this in another thread) was a girl who invited me to her place and she's an ENFJ.

Yea you could be right about the trying to provoke the standoffish guy thing. I don't think those want to sleep with me, I feel like they just want attention (your answer also answers the why me? question).





curiousgeorge01 added to this post, 1 minutes and 6 seconds later...

Just tell them you would really like to talk but you are busy with work..then look down at papers on your desk and shuffle them around...then you seem like a workaholic not an ass.

Yea I do do that when I'm actually busy. But when I have nothing to do (which is often because I work quick) there's no point in pretending. It's not like its a pain to talk to them, I guess my question is why do they want to talk to me? And there have been a few posts answering that:

1. Think I'm safe
2. Want attention
3. It's their nature to talk

[Prunesquallor]

Well I always have to have I need to figure this out mentality. Sometimes I feel like there is an answer but women guard it heavily so that no man can use it against them. It doesn't make any sense!

a) Women are not all the same, on the same team, hiding info from men. That's insane and paranoid, dude, really. Even if it's just a feeling.
b) People don't make sense. Ever. You just have to deal.
c) You are overanalysing. There isn't a simple answer beyond - this is a normal thing people do. Anything else would depend on the individual. You could develop generalisations and stereotypes that are a little more specific, but that is it - plus those don't always work since people can overuse them and close their mind to exceptions.

[curiousgeorge01]

a) Women are not all the same, on the same team, hiding info from men. That's insane ans paranoid, dude, really. Even if it's just a feeling.
b) People don't make sense. Ever. You just have to deal.
c) You are overanalysing. There isn't a simple answer beyond - this is a normal thing people do. Anything else would depend on the individual. You could develop generalisations and stereotypes that are a little more specific, but that is it - plus those don't always work since people can overuse them and close their mind to exceptions.

Oh just let me have my theories and humor me!

[Maddy]

That's funny you say that. The one office romance I had (I spoke about this in another thread) was a girl who invited me to her place and she's an ENFJ.


yeah, in my experience i've noticed ENFJs and ESFJS (esp. ENFJs) are aggressively flirtatious and let their intentions be known. (basically they see what they want and go for it) whereas ISFPs and ESFPs are psychologically aggressive (like to tease, flirt, play games...leave you wondering "if....?") and want you to pursue them.

[Synamon]

Oh just let me have my theories and humor me!

Go ahead then, share your theories with the class. People went to the effort to respond to your question, clearly there was a specific answer you were fishing for, let's hear it.

[Storm]

George, do all the women in the office stop by your cube all day? No? Oh, I'm surprised. I thought all women had the same motives and behaved in the same way. Or at least, the young, attractive ones.

It sounds like you are a bit flirtatious yourself. Some people enjoy flirting and do get a rise out of it. These individual women might be flirts. That doesn't mean all women need attention everywhere they go. I usually don't like using myself as an example, but I, a woman - short pause to accommodate for the gasp from people who still mistake me for a man on the forum - really hate being flirted with when in a professional capacity. It makes me feel like the other person doesn't respect me.

By the way, what is the number? Are you talking about 3 women out of an office of 50 or what?

[The Maelstrom]

sigh* I feel like the answers are like "let women be they are what they are," is there nothing definitive!?? Or do they just like being unpredictable!!

Try some intuition, see what that brings up for answers. Mine would be a variety of reasons varying from woman to woman. A social reason I could see is that since you're being visited by some women, others also find you de facto interesting or inviting.

I don't really care for either. Honestly I'm really at the point where I don't want to date but it seems the less I want it, the more people talk to me! I'm like WTF!

That probably has a lot to do with being natural and not making yourself nervous since you're not "trying" to do anything.

[curiousgeorge01]

I'm not saying they all behave the same way but I don't doubt they share desires that are at least somewhat similar or FAMILIAR.

Nah, I'm not really flirtatious, sometimes I feel like I don't have anything to say and I throw it out there and I think it comes out sounding like it. Honestly sometimes it sounds really blunt and the women turn it into something cute sounding.

Well out of the young ones there are probably about 20, and I estimate about 5 stopping by so that's about 25%, isn't that somewhat significant?





curiousgeorge01 added to this post, 1 minutes and 17 seconds later...

Try some intuition, see what that brings up for answers. Mine would be a variety of reasons varying from woman to woman. A social reason I could see is that since you're being visited by some women, others also find you de facto interesting or inviting.


Yea that's an answer I'm looking for, they probably see me as inviting because I don't shoo them away.

To answer SYN, I think one of the ideas I have is that even if they're taken, they're lonely at the office and need that type of attention to make themselves feel attractive. Since they can't get it from other people, they just come to me. Isn't that some what universal? The desire to feel attractive?

[fiver]

I agree with Maelstrom - it's probably a variety of reasons. It sounds like you have good social skills (though you could use some confidence in them), and these women feel comfortable talking to you. If you want to figure out who might be interested in you, think about how often each one comes by and what they chat about, whether they are flirty or touchy, what excuse they have for coming by...

Anyway you look at it (whether these women are actually interested in dating you or not) it's a really good thing for you, because you can infer from this that you are a guy women like to be around and gravitate to. There's really no way that's bad, and you can get some extra flirting in there, too, even if it doesn't go anywhere.

[The Maelstrom]

Hell if you're worried about it or uninterested take it as a chance to practice and improve a set of skills for when you WANT to use them.

[MikeC]

ditto to the above. Youre such a friendzone material, CG. :p

[Prunesquallor]

I'm not saying they all behave the same way but I don't doubt they share desires that are at least somewhat similar or FAMILIAR.

Nah, I'm not really flirtatious, sometimes I feel like I don't have anything to say and I throw it out there and I think it comes out sounding like it. Honestly sometimes it sounds really blunt and the women turn it into something cute sounding.

Well out of the young ones there are probably about 20, and I estimate about 5 stopping by so that's about 25%, isn't that somewhat significant?

curiousgeorge01 added to this post, 1 minutes and 17 seconds later...

Yea that's an answer I'm looking for, they probably see me as inviting because I don't shoo them away.

To answer SYN, I think one of the ideas I have is that even if they're taken, they're lonely at the office and need that type of attention to make themselves feel attractive. Since they can't get it from other people, they just come to me. Isn't that some what universal? The desire to feel attractive?

It's something most people have, but it doesn't explain all actions.
Is that why you talk to people? Just to feel attractive? Or do you occasionally have other motivations, indeed a wide range of them?

That few people in your office are chatty? Man, I wish I worked where you do.
As for the age - often people like talking to someone close to their age group. They talk to too many older people, it feels stuffy; too many younger, they want to gouge their brains out. Not always true, but as a general rule, the generic average stereotypical person likes to talk to someone somewhat similar to age, even when hormones are not involved. Another friendly face they might relate to = an opportunity to chat. Propping up their egos needn't come into it. Or, you know, they just want to chat to anyone, and you're there and you respond so, hey, convenient.

How many guys are there in your office? Do you ever talk to them?


This thing you seem to be doing:
A woman does something I don't get = it must be because of her gender = I must generalise about the "female brain" to understand her
is sort of silly, and won't get you that far. If you reduce everything to that, not only will you come up with odd ideas, but you'll lack the information you could consider about male people you do know, yourself, and why they/you do things which could seriously explain a lot if you bothered to think about it.
Seriously, why do you assume it's a gender thing? It sounds like an extravert thing.

[Harmony]

Okay, coming from a person who will talk to themselves if no one is around.... Some people just can't sit in silence... We get the urge to talk to someone, anyone. So yes, sometimes it is just an "it is what is it" situation. Seriously, there have been times where after working for a couple of hours in complete silence in my office, I will venture out and find someone to chat with...

[reckful]

*rubs eyes; shakes head*

All right, listen up, CG.

First you told us about the former model who lured you to her bedroom (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) at the end of an after-work stroll.

Then you told us that you "attract much more women" (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) than your frustrated ENFP buddy.

And now you've told us that a sizeable percentage of the "young attractive" women at your office are regularly stopping by your cubicle to "chat," "flirt" and sometimes "touch [your] shoulder."

I like to think of myself as a fairly empathetic guy, CG, but it just strikes me that what you have on your hands is not what most of us are inclined to think of as a "problem." I think what you have on your hands is more commonly referred to as "opportunities."

If I may summarize the thread consensus to this point (which I agree with), I think it's fair to assume that the answer to your "what do these women want?" question is that there isn't a one-size-fits-all answer. Some just enjoy chatting. Some enjoy chatting and flirting -- and some of those may not really be interested in dating (because they're already taken or for other reasons). And some may wish you'd ask them out -- and this last group may include some of the ones who are just chatting and not detectably flirting.

If you're dead-set against dating co-workers (or dating, period), it doesn't matter very much what they're looking for, right? Chat with them or (politely) don't chat, pretty much the same as you would with a talkative male co-worker. (But yes, because of the T/F thing -- and also because of your chick-magnet qualities -- you're likely to encounter more chatty female co-workers than chatty male co-workers.)

If you're open to dating co-workers and one or more of these chatters strikes you as potential relationship material, "it's just lunch," as they say. And after a lunch or two or three, you could raise the possibility of a movie or some other evening activity. You don't really need us to tell you any of this.

What are you looking for? That's the element of this situation that seems the most puzzling to me.

[Mader]

lClearly you are not ugly. women don't chat up men they find ugly.
Some women are interested in the strong, silent type. You are a challenge, but not necessarily a romantic challenge.
Some people just need to talk - it is how they charge their batteries.
You seem to respond well.
Not knowing you are flirting, yep, it happens.
Married women, draw a line and never go past it. They may consider themselves off the market so are free to talk with the men at work as much as they want. They may be lonely in their marriage and you don't want to be involved in that. They may feel you would never really push back so they are safe. Maybe they are just friendly and they talk to you because you respond in a way they like. Then there is that whole Commandment-thing, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife.

Dating in the workplace is dangerous. I strongly discourage this, strongly. But if you do, keep it private and be prepared to find a new job. Best to be someone in a different department, a different office, a different floor, etc. Be prepared to be the object of gossip, lots of gossip and it can affect your abiity to do your work. If you break up, be prepared for ugly gossip. The entire office will learn about your various moles, how messy your house is, etc. There are NO secrets in an office.

[Stratego]

So I work in an office with an open cubicle environment (basically it means there are cubicles but they're short enough you can see everyone). Often times the women who pass by (the young attractive ones) stay a bit to chat with me, which I find odd. Now you may say well it's great that women talk to you but I just don't "get it," it's not like I'm particularly talkative and my head is in the cubicle all the time. Some guys in the office are like "well I think she likes you" to which I say, "noo..she's married, and she's taken." Is it that women in the office just need some sort of attention, that somebody notices them?? And does he have to be decent looking??

Jumping in with a quick question. Are you a cutie?

[curiousgeorge01]

ditto to the above. Youre such a friendzone material, CG. :p

LOL I know right?


How many guys are there in your office? Do you ever talk to them?


This thing you seem to be doing:
A woman does something I don't get = it must be because of her gender = I must generalise about the "female brain" to understand her
is sort of silly, and won't get you that far. If you reduce everything to that, not only will you come up with odd ideas, but you'll lack the information you could consider about male people you do know, yourself, and why they/you do things which could seriously explain a lot if you bothered to think about it.
Seriously, why do you assume it's a gender thing? It sounds like an extravert thing.

No guys don't approach me to speak to me unless they HAVE to.

Well I'm not trying to generalize about women I'm trying to understand THEIR RELATION TO ME. Since I'm obviously having some sort of effect on these women I want to know what exactly it is or is it something "they just do."


Okay, coming from a person who will talk to themselves if no one is around.... Some people just can't sit in silence... We get the urge to talk to someone, anyone. So yes, sometimes it is just an "it is what is it" situation. Seriously, there have been times where after working for a couple of hours in complete silence in my office, I will venture out and find someone to chat with...

Well this isn't "it is what it is." You're basically saying they just need to talk to someone which I can accept. The former reasoning is that there is no reason like it's pointless.



I like to think of myself as a fairly empathetic guy, CG, but it just strikes me that what you have on your hands is not what most of us are inclined to think of as a "problem." I think what you have on your hands is more commonly referred to as "opportunities."


What are you looking for? That's the element of this situation that seems the most puzzling to me.

Yes I do suppose you can look at it as opportunities but I suppose I'm somewhat whatever about it. These couple of years I pretty much have been devoting to myself and I didn't want any sort of interference.

I don't think of it as a problem, I'm just puzzled.


lClearly you are not ugly. women don't chat up men they find ugly.
Some women are interested in the strong, silent type. You are a challenge, but not necessarily a romantic challenge.
Some people just need to talk - it is how they charge their batteries.
You seem to respond well.
Not knowing you are flirting, yep, it happens.
Married women, draw a line and never go past it. They may consider themselves off the market so are free to talk with the men at work as much as they want. They may be lonely in their marriage and you don't want to be involved in that. They may feel you would never really push back so they are safe. Maybe they are just friendly and they talk to you because you respond in a way they like. Then there is that whole Commandment-thing, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife.

Dating in the workplace is dangerous. I strongly discourage this, strongly. But if you do, keep it private and be prepared to find a new job. Best to be someone in a different department, a different office, a different floor, etc. Be prepared to be the object of gossip, lots of gossip and it can affect your abiity to do your work. If you break up, be prepared for ugly gossip. The entire office will learn about your various moles, how messy your house is, etc. There are NO secrets in an office.

Ok other good clues I was looking for, "women don't chat up men they find ugly" so that must mean they appreciate decent looks and they like good responses.

Yes I don't date in the office unless I plan to leave, hence my problem in the other thread when I was invited for a night and declined.


Jumping in with a quick question. Are you a cutie?

Here's another thing, I don't find myself all that attractive. I have been told I am handsome and I sort of have a "playful look" and tend to joke a lot, but most girls are surprised to find that I am very serious in my private life (which usually undoes it for me when I do go out with women so I give up).

[lancelot]

It depends what the women is talking about, if she flirts with you, and then puts down her husband she may be interested in you. (I would talk about other things, or avoid her)

[curiousgeorge01]

Nah she doesn't put down her husband. But I notice around me she acts like a teenager while with others she's more serious. Maybe I'm her teenage outlet? shrug*

[Squirelznflight]

Maybe you should just stop being such a chick magnet. Forget to bathe or something, or buy some bad air freshener to mark your territory with.

Seriously, though, you speak as if this has gone on for some time. If something hasn't happened by now, chances are it's not going to unless you pursue. Chatty, flirty folks have their fingers in many pies. You're not their sole social outlet. Even assuming that they might be considering romance, if you avoid anything Far From Friend-Zone, you should be fine because folks can only be so patient. Even the most persistent little terrier of a challenge seeker has to move on sometime.

i get that a lot too. it is because (many extroverted type) ppl confuse disinterest with super-confidence and you suddenly become a coveted prize.

That happens to me all the time. It's ridiculous. When I took the MBTI and came out as the genius arrogant scientist type (making fun of the stereotype here) I never thought people would find that so attractive...

[JustMel]

You're not the office horn dog, cut up, class clown or know it all, therefore you're "safe" to chit chat and joke with.

[zibber]

So I work in an office with an open cubicle environment (basically it means there are cubicles but they're short enough you can see everyone). Often times the women who pass by (the young attractive ones) stay a bit to chat with me, which I find odd. Now you may say well it's great that women talk to you but I just don't "get it," it's not like I'm particularly talkative and my head is in the cubicle all the time. Some guys in the office are like "well I think she likes you" to which I say, "noo..she's married, and she's taken." Is it that women in the office just need some sort of attention, that somebody notices them?? And does he have to be decent looking??

You don't ask these same questions about the men that talk to you?

Also: when any woman talks to you, there must be these ulterior motives you mention?

[curiousgeorge01]

You're not the office horn dog, cut up, class clown or know it all, therefore you're "safe" to chit chat and joke with.

Yes I think that's what it is and added to the fact that I'm not ugly makes me a good "go to guy." I guess that sufficiently answers my question.