Does it hurt "I" to be alone?

[Andrey]

I'm analytical and strongly "I" guy. I tend to look through things, get bigger picture, and deep into causes/reasons of things. It's natural for me. However, I'm not happy with this. Looking back I understand that I was really happy when I did not think, when I just acted, freely and thoughtlessly, when I was in love with no reasoning behind, when I did not try to analyze my love and my ways every minute, when I was kind of ESF... person. It's animal happiness you'd say. It is, and I like it this way. Solomon said "with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief" (Ecclesiastes 1:18).

I do not know why I'm INT..., why I think so much. It turns me to depression after awhile, and I always need to go out, go to people so that I can forget my thoughts, goals, dreams, and visions. Socializing gives me positive emotions and sense of life. Loneliness gives freedom to my mind. Seems I need both. I've been always running between the two. And it often hurts.

Does anybody feel the same? Are you satisfied with your "I" completely? What makes "INTJ" happy: living or thinking?

[Ice Wolf]

Same here.

It is merely a matter of balance. But please don't ask me how to settle on the equilibrium point.

The maximum likelyhood answer would be: less Internet&books, more going out.

Unfortunately I must have displaced my manual on how to implement this in real world. Vast majority of People are ruthlessly boring. I typically engage my autopilot in few seconds. No matter how hard I try, I simply cannot concentrate long enough.

Natural answer would be: find yourself more intriguing members of human race. Well here comes the good old lecture on statistics and probability.

[Melotch]

I tend to be much the same way. I think well when I am alone, but if left that way for too long, I get shaky and depressed.
Getting perspective from somebody else helps me. Sort of a dose of some other reality besides the one you've been living in solo. It's best if you can find someone intelligent/engaging, because that helps your mind in a better way than being left alone.

[terencec]

I'm analytical and strongly "I" guy. I tend to look through things, get bigger picture, and deep into causes/reasons of things. It's natural for me. However, I'm not happy with this. Looking back I understand that I was really happy when I did not think, when I just acted, freely and thoughtlessly, when I was in love with no reasoning behind, when I did not try to analyze my love and my ways every minute, when I was kind of ESF... person. It's animal happiness you'd say. It is, and I like it this way. Solomon said "with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief" (Ecclesiastes 1:18).

I do not know why I'm INT..., why I think so much. It turns me to depression after awhile, and I always need to go out, go to people so that I can forget my thoughts, goals, dreams, and visions. Socializing gives me positive emotions and sense of life. Loneliness gives freedom to my mind. Seems I need both. I've been always running between the two. And it often hurts.

Does anybody feel the same? Are you satisfied with your "I" completely? What makes "INTJ" happy: living or thinking?

Now, I feel pretty much the same way. IMO, one of the problems is "conscious". If we don't have conscious, we don't feel pain (Do drug may be one way to lose conscious temporary). I also make the same conclusion as you, "with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief". However, some people especially for "happy INTJ" will not agree with it. It almost implies that they are "not wise".

I think if we were not wise, we were only 3 year old, we should be much more happier in general. I recall when I was 3 year old, I was happier since didn't think too much.

Thinking makes me happier, maybe one way to escape my lousy job. However, for me, thinking requires me to be alone. To be alone for long time may cause depression though.

[thod]

If i spend too long socializing it drains me. I have to get away and be alone to recharge. I dont feel energized after a social encounter. This means I am "I". The "E"s are supposed to have the opposite effect, recharging on social contact.

This is how I judge the I/E part. The thinking part is not related since thats T/F.

[Uytuun]

I need balance in both. But in practice I find that it's sometimes hard for me to acknowledge my need for socialisation as a result of which I get stuck in thinking-overdrive.

[elsdfr]

A few years ago I found an obsession that didn't require usual work hours and just required me and my ability to analyse, it was stressful and I had nothing to balance it with but I was satisfied mentally.

Over the period of about three years I'd done what I needed as far as my study went but I was in the worst social and mental state. I'd just found it too easy to distance myself from everything.

Some friends mentioned it but it was my mother who had to knock some sense into me. She always used to say "moderation is everything"... and while I knew this diet wise I couldn't see it elsewhere. Why should I bother with people.. they have problems, they create them blah blah and someone ends up hurt.. whats the point of dealing with it? It didn't develop into depression, mainly social anxiety.

But hey that's life and realising where I was heading (socially) I really had to say enough is enough. Get back into it and moderate it to get healthy and somwhat normal again. So there was a naturally propensity to isolate myself and just like some kind of junkie I didn't realise it was a problem until it was almost to late. ;D I didn't want to be the unkempt loner who mutters to himself... but how easy would that be and how long before you can't stop it anymore?

I guess I'm living now but feel like there's a need to find that obsession again. I've found trying to find smaller things helps but they don't last for long. If I'm going to satisfy my thoughts it has to be something big but not never ending. I want to let me mind drift to that obsession... not oh, has this person had their feelings hurt?

At the moment I'm mainly dealing with living with an SF in the hope of seeing something new. To balance it all out but it requires their tollerence as much as mine.

Not sure if I read this somewhere but there's nothing nice about an unbalanced INTJ. Bottling up Ni Te and Fi and a supposed failure of Se is a bad receipe. Just wish I had of known that prior.

[Jed3]

Everyone here sounds similar to me. I get sick of being around people after a while, which usually requires me to go to my room, shut the door and either listen to music, read, or both.
I play a team sport though, which means i have to go to training twice a week. I love the sport and enjoy getting better at it, and it keeps me from being secluded to my room, which overall makes me a happier person.

[colmdubh]

I think "I's" still need both social and thought time...I've been through the same depression over social anxieties. Being an I doesn't mean you don't need anyone

[Richard0612]

Protracted socializing drains me of energy, but if I am alone too long I want to talk to someone [preferably intelligent, even better if they are NT]. I am quite happy to think for long periods of time, but I often want to share my thoughts with other Ts who will listen to my logical ramblings!

On the subject of acting thoughtlessly and without analysis, I doubt that I have ever or will ever do this. It seems so natural to analyze everything that I do and think about things before doing them.

Yes, this isn't the best route to happiness, but I'd much rather be rational and logical than happy any day. I'm not saying that I want to be depressed at all, just that happiness isn't something that is of paramount importance; regardless, rational thought often makes me happy anyway!

[Nausved]

I guess I'm more on the extreme end on the I-E spectrum. I very, very rarely feel lonely. And when I do feel lonely, it's when I'm in the company of people I have difficulty relating to. I almost never feel lonely when I'm alone, unless I've gone more than two weeks or so without a real conversation.

I do enjoy bouts of intense socializing (e.g., attending a convention or going on a vacation with friends), but I can generally only take a few days of it before everything nosedives. Too much socializing and not enough thinking, and I begin to feel like I'm forgetting something vitally important. I cannot begin to express how much dread and stress this "forgetting" feeling causes me.

Low-intensity socializing (e.g., in a family atmosphere or in a relationship that has graduated beyond the "puppy love" stage) is another matter entirely, however. As long as I am so comfortable with a person that we can sit in the same room and ignore each other without any awkwardness, I can "socialize" indefinitely. This is preferable to being alone, actually, because the mere presence of people I am very close to—even if they pay me no attention whatsoever—somehow makes me feel very secure and loved.

[elsdfr]

I guess I'm more on the extreme end on the I-E spectrum. I very, very rarely feel lonely. And when I do feel lonely, it's when I'm in the company of people I have difficulty relating to. I almost never feel lonely when I'm alone, unless I've gone more than two weeks or so without a real conversation.


I agree and from the topic "Does it hurt "I"" this kind of relates for me lately as what I'm noticing as the majority of unknowns (people who dont know me ) instantly distance themselves from me because of my natural propensity to isolate myself. Say if you are with a bunch of people and something needs doing then I will just do it. It never enters my mind that I should maybe involve other people. Its as if my thought is to say "What do I need you for?" when really in a social scene you need to involve people... am I wrong? I guess it depends on the situation but primarily it just means involving and entertaining others and really if you can be bothered and why wouldn't you? So what if they get the wrong signal or end up disliking you? we can change that if we want to right? Anyhow, seems lame now but something that I never saw in the past.

Perhaps this is a subconscious effort to "recharge" by escaping the chaos but I think these opportunities need to be carefully taken in order not to alienate others.

Not sure if anyone said this in the past but Humans are social animals, extroverted or not. All of us need to be involved to some extent in order to keep that Ni in check because Ni as a primary and a developed Fi needs to have an outlet of some kind (the less deadly the better ;) ).

[vaguely dissatisfied]

I've heard a theory (I don't remember where) that people who get depressed are really seeing things for what they are and that people who don't get depressed are basically 'wearing blinders'. Ignorance is bliss.

[Jgib5328]

I've heard a theory (I don't remember where) that people who get depressed are really seeing things for what they are and that people who don't get depressed are basically 'wearing blinders'. Ignorance is bliss.

I don't agree with that theory. Maybe the people who are happy, who don't think deeply about things and just focus on finding happiness are wearing blinders, but there are a ton of successful and deep people who are happy. I think people are happy when they work hard to find success in the important aspects of their life e.g. get good grades in school, find a good girl friend, work hard on finding a good job, work hard in your job, make a lot of money, learn etc.

People who are generally unhappy have a poor mindset too. They tend to be really pessimistic and think things will turn out for the worst. I used to abide by the philosophy that "being pessimistic is best, because if you are right, you are right, but if you are wrong, you are surprised". That philosophy may sound good, but if you are pessimistic, it tends to affect how you approach life. You always assume for the worst and then think, "why should I even bother, that bad thing is going to happen anyways".

Well anyways, it does hurt I to be alone. Humans are social beings, we need other people, anyone who thinks differently is kidding themselves. The only people who don't need other people are 100% I's, which don't exist. I'm not even sure that a 100% I wouldn't need people, but it makes sense that they wouldn't. Other people are good, spending time with them is good, getting out of the house is good, staying cooked up and reclusive all of the time isn't. I also tend to get depressed if I haven't had positive social contact for awhile too, it's natural.

[deepFlow]

Oh I get quite paranoid and pessimistic socially, which leads to me being alone more than I'd like. I often get pleasantly surprised when I socialize. But the negatives get magnified out of all proportion, and then it's just exhausting having to reflexively "parse" every single little tone, mannerism, look, etc.

[httc1978]

I'm analytical and strongly "I" guy. I tend to look through things, get bigger picture, and deep into causes/reasons of things. It's natural for me. However, I'm not happy with this. Looking back I understand that I was really happy when I did not think, when I just acted, freely and thoughtlessly, when I was in love with no reasoning behind, when I did not try to analyze my love and my ways every minute, when I was kind of ESF... person.

I do not know why I'm INT..., why I think so much. It turns me to depression after awhile, and I always need to go out, go to people so that I can forget my thoughts, goals, dreams, and visions. Socializing gives me positive emotions and sense of life. Loneliness gives freedom to my mind. Seems I need both. I've been always running between the two. And it often hurts.

Does anybody feel the same? Are you satisfied with your "I" completely? What makes "INTJ" happy: living or thinking?

I am 100% I. And I think I am OK.. Not unhappy and in fact sometimes happy cos it leaves me to my own thoughts. I dun open up to people, and even if I do, sometimes there is s failure to connect.. I am better off on my own.. So sometimes, I am regarded as anti-social.. but i guess I am Ok, i think its really typical INTJ, cos I am independent, and I dun need to nor rely on others to get things done.

There was a period when I was lonely, but i have sort of moved on and treated it with more welcome.. In that sense, I will see company as a bonus and compatible company as god-sent.. haha

I joined this forum after retaking the MBTI test, was "diagnosed" as an INTJ some time back... this is the 3rd time i am re-affirmed as INTJ.. so it hasn't really changed much over the year.. and i am happy despite reading that pple see intj's to be arrogant.. whatever... they will need us when its time to save the world

after reading what it means to be an intj, i feel that its more knowing who you are, just accept it and be happy abt it or at least, try nt to be too upset abt it. there is always an upside to everything.

[Blacklustre King]

I’ am fine completely isolated and alone. In fact I would dare say in the times I have been completely alone, I’ am better off.

[Natacha]

Well anyways, it does hurt I to be alone. Humans are social beings, we need other people, anyone who thinks differently is kidding themselves. The only people who don't need other people are 100% I's, which don't exist. I'm not even sure that a 100% I wouldn't need people, but it makes sense that they wouldn't. Other people are good, spending time with them is good, getting out of the house is good, staying cooked up and reclusive all of the time isn't. I also tend to get depressed if I haven't had positive social contact for awhile too, it's natural.
Depression because one feels alone (reactionary to situation) is different from depression which is endogenous without reason.

I can socialize for a few hours, then I need time on my own, my own thoughts are more interesting than most people. Even interesting people are still limited over time (I am sure they wuold feel the same way about me)

[rickfelske]

I am new to this site myself.
I find the fact that there are many out there whose feelings are so parallel extraordinarily reassuring.
While I feel reassured, I do have to wonder how to maximize the potential of this forum in a way that will allow me to fullfill my potential.
I can see that this last statement only reaffirms the INTJ label.
How does one control this need to find the ultimate kernel of truth. Some would call this being anal. :irked:

[futureperfect5]

Everyone here sounds similar to me. I get sick of being around people after a while, which usually requires me to go to my room, shut the door and either listen to music, read, or both.
I play a team sport though, which means i have to go to training twice a week. I love the sport and enjoy getting better at it, and it keeps me from being secluded to my room, which overall makes me a happier person.

Do you get sick of being around people ... as you said or :thinking: do you get sick from being around people?

I have intentional sought to be around people in my work because it isn't natural -- I can be alone and very isolated for days at a time.

When I have a long day at work I sometimes feel emotionally and physically drained ... I retreat and become very irritable. :stunned: Sometimes I feel trapped.