Entropy

[thegnat]

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can any of you figure out any of those expressions?

This is a thread for science humor...

[Rei]

AHHHHH CHEMISTRY!
AHHHHH ORGANIC CHEMISTRY!

*runs away*


Okay I'm sure that if I remember what more than half of those things meant I wouldn't be so panicked... but I can't.
I think it's time i reviewed my orgo notes.

[thegnat]

They're essentially really really terrible jokes. I mean really lame even for my standards. Which is saying something.

I hate organic too. At least what it is is pretty basic things. Not like what did the organic chemist say when he was getting killed? Or he was being poisoned? (or something like that) Ahh! I'm diene!!

but some of those are just too lame not to laugh at...yeah, see where my sense of humor's gone? rho boat? I mean come on....that's just lame...methyl orange? Not even funny it's so lame. any of those aldehydes? -CHO good god. pathetic attempt at humor.

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this is better. seriously.

[thegnat]

and another to lighten up the mood here. Sorry Rei! You're not taking pchem so I'm safe. I am wahahaha. it's even on thermo. oh scary!
A classic!

A retiring pChem (Physical Chemistry) professor was composing his last exam for a graduate course in statistical thermodynamics. Being a bit bored, and with a well kept and wry sense of humor, he set a single question on the sheet:

"Is Hell endothermic or exothermic? Support your answer with a proof."

He had little idea what to expect, or how to grade the results, but decided to reward any student who was able to come up with a reasonable and consistent reply to this query.

One "A" was awarded.

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. The top student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion on average, we can predict that all people and all souls go to hell on average. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Thus, there are two possible conditions:

1. ) If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, than the temperature and pressure in hell will increase exponentially until all hell breaks loose.

-OR-

2. ) If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

We can solve this (de)lemma with the 1990 postulation of Ms. Theresa LeClair, the woman who lived across the hall from me in first year residence. Since I have still not been successful in obtaining sexual relations with her, I know that condition two has not been met, and thus it can be concluded that condition one is true, and therefore that hell is exothermic."

[qwerty]

A scientist has come up with proof of something students have known for
years -- chemistry lectures are boring. In an article published in the
current issue of Chemistry in Britain, a university chemistry lecturer
introduced a guest lecturer to a class of 50 doctoral candidates. Then, he
and his colleagues studied variations in what he calls the HTFDR --
"head-to-floor distance reduction." After about an hour , the average HTFDR
dropped from 135cm to 121cm, said the author of the study, who preferred to
remain anonymous. The HTFDR immediately bounced back to normal when the
speaker uttered the magic words: "And in conclusion............"

:) sorry, some of that stuff was pretty good, I liked the symbol words (and actually got one or two of them).

[Rei]

A scientist has come up with proof of something students have known for
years -- chemistry lectures are boring. In an article published in the
current issue of Chemistry in Britain, a university chemistry lecturer
introduced a guest lecturer to a class of 50 doctoral candidates. Then, he
and his colleagues studied variations in what he calls the HTFDR --
"head-to-floor distance reduction." After about an hour , the average HTFDR
dropped from 135cm to 121cm, said the author of the study, who preferred to
remain anonymous. The HTFDR immediately bounced back to normal when the
speaker uttered the magic words: "And in conclusion............"

:) sorry, some of that stuff was pretty good, I liked the symbol words (and actually got one or two of them).
LOL!
That's true for every science class I've ever been in.

[NoahAddle]

Gnat, those are soooooo bad!!! *They make my face pucker up as though I am eating something incredibly tart like a granny smith apple.... the last one though about the entropy in hell was pretty funny though. *[smiley=smiley.gif]

[thegnat]

Gnat, those are soooooo bad!!! They make my face pucker up as though I am eating something incredibly tart like a granny smith apple.... the last one though about the entropy in hell was pretty funny though. [smiley=smiley.gif]

Yeah I know they're horrible - I now know why my organic professor said *so many* lame jokes in lecture.

Yeah the entropy in hell one is a classic IMO :)

[thegnat]

Chemical analysis of human elements

Element name: WOMAN.
Symbol: WO.

Atomic weight: 'Don't even go there'.
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum,and precious gemstones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns
slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.


Element: MAN.
Symbol: XY.

Atomic weight: (180 +/- 50).

Physical properties: Solid at room temperature. Gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to age and rust, older samples are unable to conduct electricity as well as younger samples.

Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (child) for prolonged periods of time. Can be neutralised by saturating with alcohol.

Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source.

Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

[thegnat]

mind you - they don't specify units on these elements.

I assume they mean pounds.

for you metric people out there:
180 +/- 50 pounds = 82 +/- 23 kg
82000 +/- 23000 g but I don't think I can convert that directly to atomic mass units (amu)

in amu it's even a higher number..

[Drayakir]

Gods, these were awful. Although since I only took HS Organic, I didn't understand some, but... ugh.

It's just as bad as this one-

A biologist, chemist, and physicist all went to a beach to relax. Being nerds, they didn't relax, but decided to study the body of water.

The biologist said that he was going to check out the marine life, and went into the water. He didn't come out.

The physicist said he wants to measure the amplitude of the waves, and too, didn't come out.

The chemist stared at the ocean, looked at the other two's belongings, took out a notepad and wrote:

"Physicists and biologists are soluble in water."