Extroverts freezing up at social interaction

[Antares]

I never thought it possible, until I sat next to this guy. Certain racial/national cliques tend to stick together even in the international school I go to, and the Caucasian clique seems to comprise primarily of extroverts. In math, we had randomized seating, and the extrovert in question happened to sit near his friends. He talked so much that my teacher had to hush him several times each class. After another shuffle, I ended up next to him, that's when it got awkward. We've never really talked unless we had to, but I always thought we had a mutual respect between us. Both of us are smart, but we're smart in different ways, and we never got into one another's way. Apparently, I was wrong. Once, we had to use Graphical Analysis on a laptop so my teacher can demonstrate sin and cos graphs, but due to the number of available computers, we had to share one.

Normally, he doesn't talk to me in class (in fact, he'd stopped talking all together), and I'm quite fine with that, but this is where it became a nightmare. I knew he wasn't going to budge, so I got us a laptop and did most of the work until I decided that I'd had enough of his attitude, and nudged the laptop to him. He kept staring at nothing in particular and soon we were several steps behind the class. The teacher was raising eyebrows at our progress, and finally, he called us out and asked what's our problem. I don't even know what our problem was; the only reason I could think of is that he's uncomfortable with people he's never talked to, but this whole situation still doesn't make sense to me. I've never spoken two words to this guy in my entire life, so I ruled out the possibility that I offended or angered him in some way. If anything, he owes me an apology. Why does he, an extrovert with phenomenal social skills (he got elected to student council twice, which is basically a popularity contest anyway), freeze up at the mere idea of interacting with someone with whom he's unfamiliar? I can't imagine race being a part of this, and I'm bamboozled (as well as very indignant).

[SelfMadeBum]

That's interesting. Maybe he just doesn't know HOW to interact with someone he senses is fundamentally different from him.

*whispers* Maybe he feels inferior in your presence.

[SShack]

He's terrified of you for some reason. Intimidated.

[reb]

geez, Antares, this is a multiple choice answer. it could be several individual things, or it could be a combination...

did you ask him?

[Jackie]

I don't think being an extrovert means you must always be good in social situations. Chances are higher they will be though. It all comes down to energy. They enjoy and love talking to others and feel energized by it. I get the same from being alone, only I don't want to be alone 24/7. The point is he doesn't have to have 24/7 excellent social skills to still be an extrovert. I'm talkative like mad when I'm with people, usually the loudest of the bunch, only I absolutely NEED a lot of alone recharging time. Which is why I am an introvert and not an extrovert.

[childofprodigy]

I never thought it possible, until I sat next to this guy. Certain racial/national cliques tend to stick together even in the international school I go to, and the Caucasian clique seems to comprise primarily of extroverts. In math, we had randomized seating, and the extrovert in question happened to sit near his friends. He talked so much that my teacher had to hush him several times each class. After another shuffle, I ended up next to him, that's when it got awkward. We've never really talked unless we had to, but I always thought we had a mutual respect between us. Both of us are smart, but we're smart in different ways, and we never got into one another's way. Apparently, I was wrong. Once, we had to use Graphical Analysis on a laptop so my teacher can demonstrate sin and cos graphs, but due to the number of available computers, we had to share one.

Normally, he doesn't talk to me in class (in fact, he'd stopped talking all together), and I'm quite fine with that, but this is where it became a nightmare. I knew he wasn't going to budge, so I got us a laptop and did most of the work until I decided that I'd had enough of his attitude, and nudged the laptop to him. He kept staring at nothing in particular and soon we were several steps behind the class. The teacher was raising eyebrows at our progress, and finally, he called us out and asked what's our problem. I don't even know what our problem was; the only reason I could think of is that he's uncomfortable with people he's never talked to, but this whole situation still doesn't make sense to me. I've never spoken two words to this guy in my entire life, so I ruled out the possibility that I offended or angered him in some way. If anything, he owes me an apology. Why does he, an extrovert with phenomenal social skills (he got elected to student council twice, which is basically a popularity contest anyway), freeze up at the mere idea of interacting with someone with whom he's unfamiliar? I can't imagine race being a part of this, and I'm bamboozled (as well as very indignant).

Instead of nudging a laptop at him, you should have used words to communicate

Instead of speculating in an internet forum, you should ask him directly tomorrow

Do it!

[jikin]

I don't think being an extrovert means you must always be good in social situations.

Yep. A lot of extroverts are only comfortable around the group that they're accustomed to. It may take awhile to warm up to someone from the outside.
Obviously, if that's the case, you may have to take charge until he unfreezes (if he does).

As a side thought: INTJs can be a bit intense at times. While your primary goal may be to learn and you may not be interested in making a new friend in this situation, you may want to find a way to break the ice. You don't have to go overboard by acting like a bubbly little critter, but you may want to find something a little more lite to try to connect with him.

There are a few other reasons it could be happening. He may be attracted to you, and not handling the close proximity well. As SShack said he may be intimidated by you for some reason. Perhaps he doesn't really know what he's doing and doesn't want you to figure it out.

It won't hurt to just come out and ask him. If you can't get him to cooperate and he keeps hindering your progress, then you may want to bring it to the teacher's attention.

[reb]

that'd be my strategy. box him in...if he blops out some silly stuff, and it might affect your classroom grade or performance, tell teach ya don't wanna partner with him. have a good sounding reason based on his response, though...something logical that teach'll go for.

he's not on this forum, you are. i don't care what happens to him. lol!

[coffeeloverfreak]

Did anyone consider the possibility that he's just a jerk?

A lot of extroverts were popular in high school, and never really grew up beyond that. So when they get into the "real world", when us normal folk learn to be mature, they're still stuck in the high school mentality of only talking to who they perceive as the "cool kids".

Sad, really.

[The Maelstrom]

I'd go with the "intimidated by the smart girl who I find oddly attractive" one. There's no real reason to not at least have had SOME conversation otherwise unless he was worried about what he might say.

[Mader]

Extroverts are more comfortable with other extroverts.
Some really don't understand why we aren't just like them, and some don't care to try.


Otherwise, peer pressure, angry he didn't get partnered up with Biff, the coolest guy in the class. Seems to be less interested in learning than you. Not our fault.

You could try a couple openers. "Hi.", "I'm still a bit shaky on this part", "need to borrow a pen/can I borrow a pen." If this doesn't help at all over a period of a week or two, stay civil and do your work, he is a jerk. He will go away someday.

[thiagofralves]

I'm pretty sure you scared the hell outta of him. I mean, he is probably used to people that talk a lot and express very clearly through words what they are thinking. You simply made him go crazy, because he had no idea what you wanted or were thinking and there is no mention that you tried to say it to him. I've faced this situation sometimes and usually I am the one who has to break the ice, instead of the extrovert. It usually works, because they notice that you won't bite them.

[fatkattykat]

Good answers, I would say it's a combination of all of them....it sounds like a personality conflict. I always come to the conclusion that some extroverts don't know how to deal with introverted personalities. I do agree that automatically going and doing the work yourself, he may feel a bit lost or peeved. Extroverts tend to love group activities and do well collaborating. They learn well by bouncing ideas off other people. So when you did the lion's share of the work, and gave the computer to him, what was going through he mind was "Ok...you've done all the work, so what am i supposed to do exactly?" Of course, as an introvert, I would much rather prefer to work alone :p. I hate the awkwardness of being paired with someone I don't know well or have much in common with.

I don't know if you are the kind of person that has a hard time delegating tasks, especially if you know the material really well. I can see INTJs getting so involved in the work that they forget to delegate. I can be the same way. Even though I am a high introvert, I do get annoyed when I am working on a group project and I don't feel like I am contributing anything, and one person dictates everything. I had an issue with that in my sorority where we co-chaired a position, the person assumed I could not help her, or didn't know how, and then turned around and complained that she did all the work.