How do INTJs feel about constant correction?

[Ilikepepper]

My INTJ friend has terrible spelling. Should I correct him for every mistake he makes? I'm wondering if this would be seen as helpful or irritating/condescending.

[DeepPurple]

I once had someone correct my speech on more than one occasion and I didn't like it. I couldn't pronounce Sacgagewea or whatever her name is and the person who corrected me was all pleased with herself. Then this person attemped to tell me that I was pronouncing a spanish word incorrectly. She told me the word was french and had the same definition. I told her, I didn't speak french, but I knew what the word meant in spanish. She was like 100% positive that I was wrong and I just wanted to slap her. Maybe it meant the same thing in French and Spanish, but she was all ready to tell me I'm wrong and she's right. She also corrected a boy who had a southern accent and pronounced his words differently. I'm thinking, you know what he meant. I will tell you this, I don't like having my pronunciation corrected in public. Especially by someone who knows what I'm trying to say.

If I made a spelling or grammar mistake on something important, I would welcome someone correcting my mistake. If it was something unimportant, I don't see why they would waste their time. Maybe you could get him some reading material he might be interested in. It's kind of like when someone has bad breath. I wouldn't tell them they had bad breath unless we were really close. Instead I would offer them gum or soda.

[ScottH]

My girlfriend has a couple habits, like "to" where "too" is called for, and have found ways to humorously correct her. We have fun with it, and she seems to appreciate it.

I used to have terrible spelling and my ex wife corrected me constantly. I really appreciated it, but I never saw it as anything but helpful.

I had a friend from Viatnam who had some serious problems with English. I corrected him habitually, and one day he said "Scott, I really appreciate your help with English. The way you do it, it's like you're helping me, not picking on me, and my English is getting better."

So, my experiences have all been positive, though I've heard of people being irritated by it.

[Antares]

I would have no problem with it, because it's constructive criticism. I'm not sure many people like that though. No, not even my INTJ friend.

[uberosity]

Personally I want to be corrected, especially by a friend, so that I don't embarrass myself when it could really matter

[Pinkie]

It's all about manner, really, isn't it? I don't mind being corrected at all, because it makes me more right than I was, but it annoys me if people are patronising or condescending towards me.

Of course, if they're correcting me when I'm right, I want to slap them round the face.

[Ilikepepper]

Yes, thank you everybody. I would try to be nice about it - my worry is more about the number of times I will have to correct him! It could come across as very pedantic (though that would be true) and get old after a while. However, I think we understand each other quite well, so I guess it should be okay - as long as I don't do it in front of everybody (not that I would plan to- though one of our mutual friends did once... ouch).

Yes, smugness is bad! My attitude is more of embarrassment - embarrassed that he is wrong and that I am the one to point it out.

[Danisty]

Yes, thank you everybody. I would try to be nice about it - my worry is more about the number of times I will have to correct him! It could come across as very pedantic (though that would be true) and get old after a while. However, I think we understand each other quite well, so I guess it should be okay - as long as I don't do it in front of everybody (not that I would plan to- though one of our mutual friends did once... ouch).

Yes, smugness is bad! My attitude is more of embarrassment - embarrassed that he is wrong and that I am the one to point it out.Personally, I would want to be corrected. I like being right and if I'm wrong, I can't be right! Now if someone is condescending about it, I'll be angry with them, but if it's just constructive criticism, I'll take as much as you can offer. If I were you, I'd try correcting him on something and see what his reaction is. If it's positive or neutral, ask him if he would like you to keep correcting him if you find other errors.

[quentin]

As they say in German, "No problemo."

[logos]

I'm guessing if his/her misspelling is so frequent that they have given up on spelling and do it phonetically. If that is the case, the only thing correcting the spelling with accomplish is a lecture on why spelling is "bullshit" and "my way gets the point the across". You may even run into a "did you have trouble understanding it? ...no? well then it was just how I intended."


Personally, I prefer to have everything spelled correctly but find people who point out typos rather annoying. I'd rather have my grammar/definitions corrected as it is crucial to successful communication that the rights words are used to express any given idea.

[Santana28]

it depends on how good at spelling you are. my supervisor at work is borderline retarded. he can barely spell his own name, and every night i have to go through his post orders and make dozens of simple spelling corrections. this is AFTER he shouts out across the room asking me how to spell things for him.

So on the rare occasion when he catches me making a mistake (generally a typo, not a genuine spelling mistake) - he seems to take great joy in standing over my shoulder and pointing it out to me.

normally, i dont care. but when people do it to make themselves feel better because they are in actuality an idiot - that grates me ;)

[Ijz]

I think what matters most is "how it's said" rather than "what is said". If for instance someone says it merely because you corrected him before it can be quite annoying. If it's said with good intentions people usually pick up on this and it has a positive effect.

I've had people correct me in the midst of a heated debate. This really annoyed me because it disturbed the conversation. To me, language is merely a tool for communication, of primary importance is that the message gets across. Of course, improving our language leads to better communication, but correcting it at the wrong moment can hurt the communication more than improve it.

[xhaan]

My INTJ friend has terrible spelling. Should I correct him for every mistake he makes? I'm wondering if this would be seen as helpful or irritating/condescending.

I don't like it if it isn't necessary, generally I know I'm not always correct, some times I feel there's no NEED to be 100% correct, as long as I have a grasp of what I'm doing (like on forums, I may make typos and not correct them, simply because they aren't worth correcting, not because of a lack of knowing what is correct).

[Rei]

I'm a terrible speller, and my friend corrects me all the time. I'm usually thankful for correction in technical errors. I don't like making mistakes, so naturally I'd like to know when I'm wrong so I don't do it again.
Stylistic errors I'll take and consider if they are constructive. But if they demand that it be changed I'd probably be pretty annoyed.

Corrections on things that I don't care about, or things that depend on preference (eg how to screw in a screw PROPERLY - as xhaan says) I'll be irritated about. Plainly because the person is then telling me what to do, and I abhor that.

[xhaan]

I'm a terrible speller, and my friend corrects me all the time. I'm usually thankful for correction in technical errors. I don't like making mistakes, so naturally I'd like to know when I'm wrong so I don't do it again.
Stylistic errors I'll take and consider if they are constructive. But if they demand that it be changed I'd probably be pretty annoyed.

Corrections on things that I don't care about, or things that depend on preference (eg how to screw in a screw) I'll be irritated about. Plainly because the person is then telling me what to do, and I abhor that.

Well, there is a correct way to turn a screw (so you don't cross thread it, or strip the head, or the tool, or strip out the tapping), however there are many ways to go about doing it 'properly', which are just preference.

[Rei]

Well, there is a correct way to turn a screw (so you don't cross thread it, or strip the head, or the tool, or strip out the tapping), however there are many ways to go about doing it 'properly', which are just preference.

um... okay... interesting to know.

[xhaan]

um... okay... interesting to know.

Haha, sorry... I didn't mean to spout 'trivia'.
It's just that I've busted many a screw because I *did* do it wrong.

[Aldanga]

Firstly, INTJs don't feel about anything. We think about stuff. :P

Honestly, it becomes overly tiresome for me to listen to correction after correction.

Corrections in grammar and spelling would probably be implemented if he's an INTJ. Still, you never know about some people.

[The Rose]

My INTJ friend has terrible spelling. Should I correct him for every mistake he makes? I'm wondering if this would be seen as helpful or irritating/condescending.No one likes to be constantly corrected. Even if he has been silently accepting your criticism, eventually he might reach a saturation point and blow up at you.

Or worse, he might be getting the idea that he's a horrible person, can't do anything right, and you don't like him.

You could always ask him if he wants you to correct him.
Some people want to learn, and don't want to make a fool of themselves, so he may feel like you're helping him.

[Ilikepepper]

Firstly, INTJs don't feel about anything. We think about stuff. :P

Haha, yes, I realised something was wrong when I went back to the main forum overview and saw "How do INTJs feel..." It really jarred!

The Rose, yes, asking him first is the mature thing to do. The worst case scenario would be having him stop writing to me for fear that I will nitpick his words to death, even if I do it gently.

I've had people correct me in the midst of a heated debate. This really annoyed me because it disturbed the conversation. To me, language is merely a tool for communication, of primary importance is that the message gets across. Of course, improving our language leads to better communication, but correcting it at the wrong moment can hurt the communication more than improve it.

Very true. I hate it when people thoughtlessly and irrelevantly correct. I want to correct him because; i) I like good spelling and ii) Bad spelling makes him look stupid in front of others, and he's not. I should clarify that the poor spelling is of fairly basic words - you're/your mix-ups and peace rather than piece.

Thanks all, for your perspectives.

[xhaan]

Firstly, INTJs don't feel about anything. We think about stuff. :P

Honestly, it becomes overly tiresome for me to listen to correction after correction.

Corrections in grammar and spelling would probably be implemented if he's an INTJ. Still, you never know about some people.

Pfft. Everyone feels. To say you don't feel, and that you look at -everything- logically, is to lie to yourself. If you never felt, at best you would do only what is totally necessary and logical, functional, you would be a total 'machine'. At worst, if you could see no point in doing anything, because you determine that you yourself are pointless (just an example), you would either do nothing and die, or suicide, because you have no attachment to living beyond what you have reasoned.

[The Rose]

..
The Rose, yes, asking him first is the mature thing to do. The worst case scenario would be having him stop writing to me for fear that I will nitpick his words to death, even if I do it gently. ...Many years ago, I heard a story from someone who had their spelling corrected instead of the heart of their letter being responded to. It had hurt them deeply and they hadn't ever been able to get over it for years and years.

At the time, I was young, and I didn't understand, but now I realize that our words carry a lot of weight, and we should be careful what we say. I would hate to find out that something I had said, caused a life long wound in someone's heart.

[Rei]

Haha, sorry... I didn't mean to spout 'trivia'.
It's just that I've busted many a screw because I *did* do it wrong.

Well I suppose it would be good to know if I ever screwed any nails in that wasn't from Ikea. I'm more used to using wood glue :cheesy:

[Danisty]

Firstly, INTJs don't feel about anything. We think about stuff. :PA tendency for thinking doesn't mean a lack of feeling.

[Paul V]

Ask him if he minds being corrected. If he does, bite your tongue, because that kind of things can destroy friendships (has happened to me before more than once).

[Des]

I've found that most people don't like it but I correct grammar errors anyway. I'm a little more lenient on spelling because I have dyslexia and make errors often. I know how to spell rather well I just can't always do it. And if I make a grammar error I don't mind being corrected. I usually react with, "Holy cow you're right! How stupid of me and I KNEW that!!"

[Jgib5328]

I think it'd be rude, and I'd be bothered by it. Think about it, someone is constantly criticizing you every time you do something as simple as misspell a word. I'd get really annoyed and I would view you as condescending. Just ask him if he could try spelling better once or something or ask if he doesn't mind being corrected. It just seems ridiculous and obnoxious to constantly correct someone. And if he doesn't want to be corrected don't correct him and just deal with it.

[Aldanga]

A tendency for thinking doesn't mean a lack of feeling.

It was a joke, friend. Pure sarcasm.

[xhaan]

It was a joke, friend. Pure sarcasm.

Well, I guess I didn't get it because I was thinking about it more than feeling it. :laugh:

:thumbsup:

(and actually, I did 'sense' that it was a joke, beyond examining the possibility of it being one to determine if it is one or not.)

[Ilikepepper]

You can trust me to apply any correction with sensitivity and appropriate timing. :)

However, I'm interested in how a couple of people have equated 'correction' with 'criticism' - are they necessarily linked? As Pinkie and Ijz both said, it's all in the manner. And timing. And permission. Ack.

[Vortex]

I appreciate corrections when they're just that. People who try to use minor grammatical or spelling errors against me to make up for other problems get killed. I also have my own way for pronouncing some words, although most people I know have never noticed to correct me on it.

So sure, so long as it meant in an informative, unobtrusive way. Getting constant corrections when your trying to convey information quickly, even if they're done with purely honorable intent, is maddening.

[The Rose]

...
However, I'm interested in how a couple of people have equated 'correction' with 'criticism' - are they necessarily linked?
...No. Not necessarily, but frequently.

This is what I have learned in my own personal experience. I used to equate correction with rejection.
Correction = rejection.
I learned that I got this from my childhood. When my parents corrected me, it would always include rejection, i.e., "Go to your room", "Get out of my sight" etc.
I was in my 40s before I learned that correction doesn't mean someone is rejecting me. I had to train myself not to take it the wrong way. It was hard because it's so deeply programmed in there.

My husband said something the other day. The pot roast didn't have very much flavor. "It's not a criticism, it's a comment." He said. Excuse me, but I would never dare tell anyone their pot roast didn't have very much flavor, if I didn't want to hurt their feelings or offend them! How can a comment like that NOT be a criticism?

Anyway, as you can see, I still have a hard time separating the two.

[Truth]

A good friend of mine happens to be very intelligent however can't spell his name. He is always asking me to spell words for him. Sometimes when he's doing his architectural work and needs help, I tell him to complete it first and I will mak ethe needed changes when he's done. This eliminates the urge to constantly correct his spelling and grammar. He is very sinsitive to criticism and at times has gotten upset when I've mentioned he was wrong about something or used to wrong term. He happens to be an INFJ. Not that I think it matters, just thought I might mention it.;)

I don't mind being corrected, I always appreciate it. Sometimes I am avid about spelling and grammar and sometimes its not as important to me. As someone said earlier. I love to be right and can't be right if I'm wrong. I learn from the correction and next time that situation arises I can be right ( oh the joy of learning). However, I will mentally destroy someone if they try to condescend or be hurtful with their correction. Usually I feel correction in any context is well intended and helpful.:idea:

[deicruxified]

My INTJ friend has terrible spelling. Should I correct him for every mistake he makes? I'm wondering if this would be seen as helpful or irritating/condescending.

correct him since it's for his own good anyway. i highly appreciate people correcting me if i also see it for my own benefit.

[PortInStorm]

I'd suggest a spellchecker, if you think the lack of spelling "skill" will be hurting his career, etc. That way there isn't any dependence on you, and you aren't the one correcting him.

I don't mind being corrected if it's important, but if it's a little matter, I'd rather someone just keep their mouth shut. And like Rei said, if they are correcting me with their [I]preference[I], then in my opinion, they're telling me what to do, which I also detest.

[danalaina]

My INTJ friend has terrible spelling. Should I correct him for every mistake he makes? I'm wondering if this would be seen as helpful or irritating/condescending.

were i in your spot, i'd ask him directly. "hey, i've noticed you make some grammatical/spelling mistakes. do you want me to say something when i see it?"

lets him know there's something you can help with but it gives him the opportunity to tell you to stuff it. =)

[Femme de Homme INTJ]

HATE it when other misspell something. Don't give a damn when I do. Spekking is not my strong point. I don't care if I type too fast and rearrange a few letters. But you better damn well use the correct form of "they're," or else! My mother actually reads my blogs and responds to beg me to let her edit them. Crazy.

I was a naughty little girl who would go around correcting people's speach. Always got in trouble for it. Now, I am lazy and speak improperly half the time anyway.

[Xenolar]

...[a]lways got in trouble for it.

Really? How did you get in trouble for something so innocent as such? In what way did you get in trouble? I correct people's speech (I similarly have in the past, and I still plan on doing so in the future), and have never got in trouble for it. Yes, people have been irritated by it, but I have never gotten in trouble for it.

[Femme de Homme INTJ]

I was a kid, and apparently, it's rude for 7-year olds to constntly interject corrections into people's conversations. I have an ENTJ friend who does it all the time under her breath. It's really funny.

I just correct people in my head. I used to be so extreme that I would actualy sing a song according to my grammtical interpretation of it. How annoying.

[blueeyedsusan]

what's your motive in correcting, is it to help or is it to hurt? Go from there.

[Ytterbium]

As they say in German, "No problemo."I knew a guy who would correct such things. I often say such things. But that guy though I was stupid or something. He was really anal and annoying in general too.

[fripping]

i doubt most intjs would like to receive a dose of their own medicine.

[NTGirl]

Correct me - PLEASE. I'd rather know.

[JTG]

How do INTJs feel about constant correction?

It gets tiresome honestly... i mean can people not see i'm doing it for their own improvement?! Someday i'll just stop correcting people and then won't they feel foolish... being wrong and whatnot, with little hope of redemption

[acyckowski]

I have no problem with it, in general. My Mom was a grammar Nazi, and she would beat the hell out of us to speak correctly. People judge you by how you speak, she said, and it's pretty much true.

On the other hand, there is that part of the population (SJ's, usually), who have detailed knowledge about trivial BS and want to point out the tecnical flaws in your statement while completely ignoring the big picture of what you're saying. THAT drives me apeshit.