Who is an INTJ's Ideal Partner? ENFP/ENTP?

[EsotericWench]

All the "experts" out there say that the natural complement to INTJ is either the ENFP or ENTP.

As an ENFP, I feel an immediate kinship with INTJs. I can talk to an INTJ for hours. It's like we both see the world in the same way.... which I suppose we do. Both ENFPs and INTJs take things in primarily via their intuition.

I don't know if there is a "perfect matching type", but it seems to require a lot less work to date someone who isn't a naturally complementing type.

Do you think there is such a thing as a natural complementing type?

[luther]

An INxj friend of mine has dated lots of people and has a good idea of what she wants, although she hadn't assigned that hypothetical person a type. She ran across someone who matches her list almost exactly. They get along very well. When I met and typed him, he turned out to be an ENFP.

As an ENTJ (weak on T and J), my matching type is supposed to be INTP. I love INTPs because they listen and understand what I'm saying without having to bring things to a conclusion all of the time. If I wanted to make a decision about something that's bothering me, I probably would have done it already. When I'm frustrated and need to talk to someone, I just want to be understood, respected, and appreciated. INTPs, INFPs, and INFJs are fairly good at that.

Even though I'm attracted to the three types mentioned above, the only relationships I've actually been in have been with INTJs. I'm very careful about choosing a partner, since pursuit is a lot of work and usually doesn't end up being successful. It may be that the INTJ's decisiveness has been necessary to choose me first so that I would want the other person more. It may also be that my own deciveness, my private careful evaluation and then the seemingly reckless and sudden decision to become romantic, can turn off people of types who don't understand decisiveness themselves.

Since I'm a guy, I think the INFJ or INTJ is a good match for me. A lot of women have are naturally gifted at listening but may be uncomfortable with my somewhat overbearing approach to decision-making. I think the J would make her similar enough to me to help her understand and support me.

[John254]

I agree. I have found that an INFJ, INTJ and possibly an ISFJ female works well with me. My myspace has a section about this.

[Verde]

i've found what you say to be somewhat true
my 3 roommates are all ENFP (we found out after 2 of us took the test in our class and made the other two take it when we got home)
I would have never thought that the living situation would work out, as the three of them do things differently from me (for example, I clean things as soon as I finish using them-I am really bothered with messes while they rarely care, and they definitely have different work ethic than myself-i think its the P against the J where the problems arise maybe)
however, I have very intimate conversations with them, especially one in particular, who gives me support and seems to understand me more than other people
the sad part is in the beginning of our living situation I almost wrote them off because of our differences, but now I see they have a lot to offer and I've learned from them, as I think they have from me
however I DO still wish they'd clean more!

[EsotericWench]

I agree. I have found that an INFJ, INTJ and possibly an ISFJ female works well with me. My myspace has a section about this.

I've often thought that there should be a dating service based on the MBTI. Seems like it'd save a lot of time.

:)

[luther]

Isn't Eharmony supposed to be that way? I haven't tried it, though.

If I were using such a service today, I'd choose to display my type in my profile.

[EsotericWench]

Isn't Eharmony supposed to be that way? I haven't tried it, though.

If I were using such a service today, I'd choose to display my type in my profile.

I took the eharmony profile a couple of years ago. For those familiar with MBTI, questions on the four preferences should be easy to pick out. I remember being disappointed that they didn't test for this. I just tried to Google "eharmony and MBTI" and didn't really find anything either. Maybe it's a question of eHarmony not wanting to pay for the intellectual property rights for the test.

[Antares]

Besides INTJ, which I'm clearly interested in, I also find myself drawn to ENTJ's and ISTJ's.

[AnandaMeansBliss]

For me, I think the ENTP would be the best partner. ENFP would be nice but the F has to be well-balanced. But I think this might be the case with all xxFx's.

[Splittet]

My imaginative perfect partner is an ENFP, but IRL I have little certain experience with them, although I have great experiences with highly intelligent EFPs, people I weren't certain if were N or S. What I think is dynamite between INTJs and ENFPs is that even if these types appear very different, when they get to know each other, they come to realize they can be remarkably alike. To be as different and alike as possible at the same is the recipe for maximum attraction. When it comes to F vs. T I think Fi is a lot more tolerable than Fe. I would prefer F in a partner because it is easier to open up then, and I need warmth in my life, not more coldness.

[DeepPurple]

I also prefer an F. I have a problem with expressing myself and opening up and the last thing I need is someone who is prone to the same problem. To me, dating a person who has the same problems that I have isn't really going to help me improve any. Not to say that T's can't be warm, but it'll probably take more time before they open up. Which is why I prefer ExFx types. I think dating one would help my social skills immensely. However, dating an E also seems a bit dangerous. Dating someone who probably knows a good deal of exciting people, has excellent charisma and maybe even an inflated ego, could most likely come back to bite me. I would like to date a P, but dating a J would seem like the safer choice. I think I might get burned bad if I dated and ExxP. I won't know until I try, and I will try, but I'll most likely end up with an ISTJ, INTJ, or an INTP.

*I don't think E's have huger egos than anyone else, but I am more likely to go for an E with a lot of confidence.

[Paul V]

I have to agree with those that mentioned Introverted Intuitives. I personally think and extrovert might tax my nerves even more than a Feeling type. I'd rather spend time with an INFP or an INFJ than with an ENTJ or an ENTP. They're the perfect friends to me, and I couldn't see them any other way.

[Des]

Not me. I can't stand extroverts. I also can stand needy sensitive people that can't handle the harsh world. Inflating other egos is not something I can do. I wanted a person that was just like me. I ended up marrying an INTP. OMG our relationship is heaven. We are coming up on our total 12 years together in February. It's so wonderful to relate and not only love the same things but hate the same things. The few differences we had are good ones to have. We are total opposites on food. Excellent. That means my food won't be eaten out of the fridge. I'm extremely territorial about things like that hehe.

[uberosity]

I took the eharmony profile a couple of years ago. For those familiar with MBTI, questions on the four preferences should be easy to pick out. I remember being disappointed that they didn't test for this. I just tried to Google "eharmony and MBTI" and didn't really find anything either. Maybe it's a question of eHarmony not wanting to pay for the intellectual property rights for the test.
I think that eharmony uses the Big 5 personality test. You can find that online, too.

As far as the ideal partner type goes, I think that there are more complex personal factors than the MBTI can show. Also, how mature and developed a person is within their type is important. Personally, I get easily overwhelmed and/or annoyed by Es. I find that a more extraverted introvert works better with me because I am an extreme case. I love F sensitivity, but inevitably there are major communication problems there (I hurt their feelings and cannot inderstand the irrationality). Ss are too short-sighted for me much of the time. I like the P balance, though. Soo...

Now I am dating an INTP and it is fantastic so far, but I understand that this has a lot of potential for disaster.

[elsdfr]

All the "experts" out there say that the natural complement to INTJ is either the ENFP or ENTP.

Do you think there is such a thing as a natural complementing type?

I do but whether the person wants it is another thing. In the past I disliked ESFPs but a weak E is a lot of fun.

Its very hard in the beginning and I would have cut and run without knowledge of our differences prior to meeting. I've found relationships with similiar NT types are usually easy in the beginning but end soon after. Too head strong and I don't really care if someone agrees with me, just as long as they don't dismiss me, ESFPs will accept everyone.

If you are looking for balance and the perfect tag team I would go with the compliment, ESFP...(according to Socionics anyway) :thumbsup: be warned though I think they might have ESP :suspicious:

I don't know of ENFP or ENTP relationships, sorry.

[1OFMANY]

Thats funny...My wife took the test last night and...whammo..she is an ENFP lol.

[durentu]

I was reading around to see what the natural romantic preference is to the INTJ type. There seems to be some sort of dimension missing, because I see various responses. If INTJs are my perfect match, would any random INTJ in the world work? (the ENTP/ENFP was said to be shown from data, To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)

For myself, as an arbitrary starting point..

INTJ + philosophy {ethics, metaphysics, epistemology, logic} = me
where
ethics = what is the good life or right conduct
epistemology = what counts as genuine knowledge
logic = correct principles of reasoning
metaphysics = what sorts things exist and what are the essential natures

We can now ask the question, would I find a better match based on MBTI or philosophy?

Would I like a compatible MBTI with an incompatible philosophy
or
an incompatible MBTI with a compatible philosophy?

I think I would choose the latter.



There might be some loose correlations between philosophy and MBTI (this combo was gnawing at me for a while so I'm taking a shot at combining these two).
ethics : E vs I :: orientation to life, energy
epistemology : S vs N :: how to perceive information
logic : T vs F :: how to make decisions or come to conclusions
metaphysics : J vs P :: how to organize the world

hence:
one's ethics is determined by extrovertedness or introvertedness
one's epistemology is determined by sensing or intuition
one's logic is determined by thinking or feeling
one's metaphysics is determined by judging or perceiving

Assuming that all parties involved are wise defined by (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.):

S is wise iff:
1. S has extensive factual and theoretical knowledge
2. S knows how to live well
3. S is successful at living well
4. S has very few unjustified beliefs


There seems to be a correlation between one's MBTI type and one's philosophy. Is it a surprise that stoicism might interest NTs? Would there be a surprise that hedonism attracts ESFPs or the SP temperment? Would an INTJ and an ESFP have a wonderful relationship? sure but I think that their philosophies will have to be compatible, not necessarily the same.

So it might be said that MBTI is a subset of one's philosophy. Matching purely on MBTI would oversimplify the process with too many things left out. Am I wrong? probably, but the real question is, Am I completely wrong?... Let me know what you think as I'm still a student in both philosophical and MBTI matters.

So to answer the original question: I don't know which one is the better match for INTJ. To further the thought, are you looking for a good MBTI match or a good partner? :D I personally use MBTI as a interpersonal interpretation tool: a "me to them" converter/translator. I try not to use MBTI as a selection criteria.

Another vantage point is in regards to the intent of the relationship. If it's for family, sexual experimentation, peace corps, etc different personality types have natural preferences to make things easier, not impossible. It is also possible for INTJs to assume the role of any other of the 15 MBTI types, it's just not very natural to us. On the note of assuming different types, as we grow and mature, we develop different aspects of our type. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Just food for thought.

[karen]

I don't know who the best partner is... my husband is an ISFJ.

there are only two things we have in common: we are both teachers (him social studies and I science) and for me teaching isn't a destination; we both like this HBO show called 'Flight of the Conchords'.

we disagree on religion, politics, morality.. he is emotional and calls me 'the robot'. He's OCD, I'm a perfectionist (there is a huge difference).

Despite all that we are a perfect match. Personality types do not dictate what kind of qualities you have I love him because of his intelligence, wit and passion for life. You can't plan that.

[Blendy]

Hmm.. I would probably say ENFP or INFP.

My boyfriend is an ENTP, and while he's engaging, extremely quick-witted, funny, and devilishly clever, beneath all this lies a cold, rational thinker. As a cold, rational thinker myself, I think it'd be nice to have a little F to balance things out.

[AntimonyLegault]

My teacher is ENTP, I don't think I've had a better...friend or colleague, ever. He seems knowledgeable in everything I could possibly want to know as a student at this point in my life (mainly about life itself and career). When I go to class there's always a constant interest between us in common topics, which we can talk about for quite a long time. Yeah if I could meet someone like that in the opposite gender it would be kewl.
It's interesting to note that he is a 'Jack-of-all-trades' type, so maybe INTJ's need people like that to balance their lives or something ;).

[jdc127]

Hello all... I just wanted to mention that in my experience it is very difficult to work through emotional moments when your partner becomes illogical and self-contradictory in the heat of the discussion/argument.





jdc127 added to this post, 0 minutes and 51 seconds later...

As some personality types seem prone to do...

[Hoorurly]

I don't know who the best partner is... my husband is an ISFJ.

Interesting, my husband is also an ISFJ and we are pretty much complete opposites in most respects.

[Jenny Penny]

I think any type would be okay for an INTJ (or any other type, for that matter) if both people are mature and ready for a relationship. I'm exclusive with an ESTP (he is 32 and I am 27) and I already see problems developing. I'm not sure it is because of his type. He is fun and I am very attracted to him, but I always wonder if he is smart enough to keep me interested in the long run. I constantly find myself wishing he were more imaginative and enthusiastic, so maybe I am secretly craving an ENTP. I know I have always found ENTPs extremely attractive. I guess I could also find an INTJ attractive, but the experiences I have had with INTJ males have not been positive. The two INTJ males I have known in my life have been extremely self-absorbed and negative. I am initially attracted to INTJ males, but they seem to only be open to outgoing women who can break through their shells.

[Laura_Palmer]

I would choose the ENTJ because I think I would like someone just like me but a little more extroverted. I like guys who are decisive, outspoken, and non-conformist. My ex was an INFP (I think) and his indecisiveness and fear of confrontation were things that don't appeal to me at all. I want a guy who isn't afraid to challenge me or anyone else.

[errrzarrr]

"Who is INTJ's Ideal Partner? ENFP/ENTP?"
I'm sorry but why ENFP or ENTP?
Why not ENTJ ? The unique difference would be the I/E part, the other characteristics are the same xNTJ, so I ask why not ENTJ?

"Do you think there is such a thing as a natural complementing type?"

hmmm... yeah... I am almost sure of it.

[OneBadMother]

I would choose the ENTJ because I think I would like someone just like me but a little more extroverted. I like guys who are decisive, outspoken, and non-conformist. My ex was an INFP (I think) and his indecisiveness and fear of confrontation were things that don't appeal to me at all. I want a guy who isn't afraid to challenge me or anyone else.

Haha, ENTPs/ENFPs are definitely decisive, outspoken, and non-conformist, though they can be flighty. I could imagine an ENFP being amused by an INTJ and trying to make them come out of their shell.

I myself find the types above tiring when interacting with them too much because they have the terrifying combination of being decisive and flighty, and get angry when one of their many visions doesn't work out in reality. The one ENTJ I know works great on a team with me, and we have a kind of mutual respect, but I think that a moderate J INTJ might find an ENXP's antics amusing and charming, while not having to be frustrated by the indecisiveness that naturally characterizes INXPs.

[blueeyedsusan]

I am an INTJ, my husband is an ENTJ, our house is a mess, otherwise everything works

[Vicimdhar]

The only two girls I've been really attracted to lately were ENFP's. They're some of the few people I really like to be around. I'm not sure why, but I enjoy it when they're chaotic. Perhaps they seem to embody and express parts of what goes on in my mind which I rarely express. It's also relatively easy to connect, because they're contiously expressing ideas which I'm comfortable discussing and playing with. They're relatively quick in talking about their oddities and weaknesses, which (eventually) gets me to open up somewhat. It helps that they're persistent in engaging me. And yeah, their warmth gets to me as well, while I usually dislike the Fe-type of warmth.

Though I never pursued a relationship with these two (for rational reasons), I can certainly image a future with a girl of this type.

ENTP-girls are great fun as well, but the F seems to add an extra dimension.

[PRBori]

I would choose the ENTJ because I think I would like someone just like me but a little more extroverted. I like guys who are decisive, outspoken, and non-conformist. My ex was an INFP (I think) and his indecisiveness and fear of confrontation were things that don't appeal to me at all. I want a guy who isn't afraid to challenge me or anyone else.

I agree with you, the person I'm talking to know seems to be an ENTJ and I like what I see so far. We compliment each other..:)

[Kotetsu]

"Who is INTJ's Ideal Partner? ENFP/ENTP?"
I'm sorry but why ENFP or ENTP?
Why not ENTJ ? The unique difference would be the I/E part, the other characteristics are the same xNTJ, so I ask why not ENTJ?

Think about it for a second.

INTJ's dominant function is Introverted Intuition, and the auxiliary is Extraverted Thinking. For the ENTP/ENFP the dominant is Extraverted Thinking/Feeling followed by Introverted Intuition. They take our top functions and swap them round (ignoring the possible T/F difference). The ENTJ's dominant function is Extraverted Intuition and the auxiliary is Introverted Thinking.

Personally, I could fall for a beautiful (of value, not necessarily image) INFJ gal any day...

[elsdfr]

I don't know of any ENTP females but ENFP would seem a match to me.

I know my younger sister is and ENFP and I'm guessing her partner might be xNTJ. I think they negate each other very well.

[Lei Yang]

All my crushes have been either ENTP or INTJ. But I just can't stand feelers that way. In my mind the feeling stuff is just too pathetic... :(

[PortInStorm]

As you could gather from my other posts, I'd vote ENTP, but OBM says, they can be fickle, not exactly flighty in my experience. But therein lies the problem- my experience with them has been limited to maybe 2 people, and who's to say I've typed them correctly, never mind knowing the percentages of each dimension.

My issue with NFs may be that they could 'read' into what I'm saying because of their N, but react with their F. a) that may not be what I'm saying and b) if it is, I'd feel a little exposed that I couldn't control others' perception of me by what I say. That is, most everyone I know are Ss, and so mostly have to take whatever I say at face value, giving me the ability to hide my emotions/attitudes/thoughts if I so choose. The ENTP I know has only once reacted badly to what he correctly perceives (regardless of what I say) due to his T, and I can hide what I wish (of myself) from my S husband, for the most part.

[dissident]

I've often thought that there should be a dating service based on the MBTI. Seems like it'd save a lot of time.

:)

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[lordrrr]

Don't know any ENTP's (I think) and I know one ENFP who's cool but has terrible mood swings that get really annoying. I also hate how he's on "everyone's" side and sometimes he'll support me and other times he'll pick on me. I need a friend who stands by me and I have many who do that because I'm so awesome.

I think I get along with ISTJ's the most, I love how they're loyal, fun, and able to comply with my ideas without argument. I'm pretty sure most INTJ's would agree with me on that. Also, INTP's can be pretty cool, and I feel very relaxed around ISTP's for some reason (I think they're nice)

I hate pretty much all E types though.

[Parallel]

I definitely find ENFP's are usually the perfect match for me. My ENFP best friend and I could talk to hours and hours and have fun no matter where we are whether it's stuck in nasty traffic or surrounded by boring/weird people or situations. I find that ENFP's are INTJ's inside-out, vice versa.

I actually prefer my girlfriends to be E's than I's on the whole since women I's tend to creep me out if they're too introverted but I prefer I's as a romantic interest as long as they're not the creepy-quiet kind of I's. However, I'm curious as to how I'd be attracted to an ENFP male as I'm not sure what they're like.

[eternaltriangle]

Well I dated an INTP - she was very interesting to talk to, despite lacking much of a formal education (she was a sociopath as well). While we thought similarly, it bothered me that she didn't do anything much in life. Also I helped clean out an apartment she had lived in before and it was... the single most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my life.

I also dated an ISFP, and I really can't stand the touchy-feely ness. She was into astrology! What is funny is that if I believed in psychic powers, she would have them - she had an uncanny ability to appear exactly when she needed to. That said, she was good enough at reading other people to notice when I was holding back a smirk about her beliefs. She also didn't care about my academic work at all.

So I guess when I think of a long-term mate, it is probably somebody TJ - the rest I think I can live with. While I prefer introverts, I think it INTJ and ISTJ would make an optimal family unit. They could instruct children in just about any subject, and produce a team of academic elites... and have the awesomest board game nights ever.

[PortInStorm]

Be careful about throwing around terms like sociopath, there is a LOT of misunderstanding about them, yet very specific criteria to be met before they are categorized as such.





2ndtimestudent added to this post, 4 minutes and 21 seconds later...


I think I get along with ISTJ's the most, I love how they're loyal, fun, and able to comply with my ideas without argument. I'm pretty sure most INTJ's would agree with me on that.

Arggggh! Not ISTJs! While they've got a good head on their shoulders, they are firm, solid and immovable as a rock about tradition and whatever they think is best! Sure, they're able to talk about planning into the future and current events, but not necessarily much theory. They're decent to get along with, but I hate their oftimes parental attitude.

[jamescwade2]

Besides INTJ, which I'm clearly interested in, I also find myself drawn to ENTJ's and ISTJ's.
My wife is an ISTJ. My best friend is an INTJ, and his wife is an ISTJ. Our wives are best friends.

I was introduced to my wife by a friend of 15+ years. Second marriage (first one was to an ENFP/J; can you say DISASTER?).

I had no intention of getting married when I met her. She is AWESOME and OH SO HOT!!!!

She understands my particular brand of crazy, and more importantly, has an uncanny way of orchestrating my return from the Stratosphere when I "Go there."

She is OH SO HOT!!!

She is logical, more so than me from time to time(those of you INTJ males that may not have reached your 35th year on the planet may not understand the weight of that statement)!

She is OH SO HOT!!!

Her way of thinking helps me to organize my thoughts (she is extremely organized). She doesn't mind listening while I work things out, AND she makes significant, meaningful contributions to the conversation.

Did I mention that she is OH SO HOT???!!!

ISTJ female is the bomb for an INTJ male... or at least this one.

[md21017md]

If you are looking for balance and the perfect tag team I would go with the compliment, ESFP...(according to Socionics anyway) be warned though I think they might have ESP


What exactly are you refering to? I am curious, my g/f (and intj) says I can read her so well, to the point she doesn't tell me things because she assume I just know. Makes for some aggrevating scenerios.

[Antares]

The only two girls I've been really attracted to lately were ENFP's.

Recently, I'm attracted to ENTPs and ESTPs. Not sure why. I was never attracted to an 'F' type though. It could be due to the fact that my male friends are either ENTP or ESTP. From what I can discern, two of my closer male friends are ENTP and two of them are ESTP. All great people and I wouldn't choose one over another. We, of course, don't go around saying: "Oh, he/she's my friend", but I think we can find pleasure in bickering and putting the other down. We never go 'over the line' (in fact, we go out of our way to start an argument. Pure joy, outwitting each other) and we somehow like it when were were 'insulted', and our arguments would usually end up with one or all of us in a fit of hysterics, choking from laughter. I guess that's what draws me to them; they're outgoing, witty, rational, intellectual and exciting. A laugh, really.

[PortInStorm]

See, me too! That's exactly the relationship I love with ENTPs- my friends always were so cranky about our bickering "You two fight like an old married couple"- and we loved it!

[md21017md]

My g/f in an intj, and I am an ExFP - the s and n are pretty close, and flip flop depending on my mood.

As to the relationship, there is a lot of plus'. We both hate dealing with lazy or stupid people, we both get annoyed with slow people in our way. We have a lot of the same hobbies and interests. I like the fact that she is not overly needy and depamnding, doesn't tell me what to do. I like the fact that she doesn't ask for help doing things she can easily do. I love her intelligence and the fact that she can hold a conversation about a range of topics.

There are a lot of minus' also, and I think in the end will probably kill the relationship for me. I can't stand the fact she needs so much alone time. I think she'd be perfectly happy if we saw each other 1-2 times a week. It drives me crazy when I try to hold her hand in public she pulls away from me. I wish the hell just once she'd wear something other than black. While I like that she can be out the door without 2 hours of prep time, a little makeup etc to remind me she's a girl would be nice. The real killer for me is her lack of communication. The manor in which she says things makes her seem as though she's hiding something.

[sriv]

My best friend is an ENFP who thinks he is an INFP. LOL.

We compliment each other in almost every way. It is pretty cool. Sometimes I get annoyed at his impulsiveness, and sometimes he gets hurt by my insensitivity, but we deal with each other.

[drjones013]

I'm an ENTP dating an INTJ.

I agree with what was said previously, a little F would help out at times but my obsessive workaholicism (which occurs in spurts like a gran mal seizure) doesn't support emotional mates. They start thinking that I'm cheating on them (and if work is cheating then yes, guilty as charged) or think that I'm wasting my energy (and if goofing off is wasting my energy, well, you get the picture).

I really got into an INFJ but that's kind of unrelated.

I would say ENFP or ISTJ for the INTJ.

[Marcus]

The following is about male-female romantic relationhips according to my experience. ENTPs are entertaining to talk to, but I've never been interested romantically in them. I would not want to live with an ENFP. They are ok mentally, but their life is a mess. I can't connect to S types profoundly. I was interested in INT/FJs, but there was too much conflict. It must have been a control/competition thing. I tend to develop crushes on INTPs and INFPs, mostly on the latter ones. I connect to INTPs rationally, but what next? I connect to INFPs emotionally rather quickly, but I don't know how it works in the long run...

[shawnfsuparker]

well i'm married to an Esfj,whom i love, but xNTx's make more sense to me and i make more sense to them. go figure.

[lordrrr]

Well, only two of my close friends have taken the test so far, one came out ENTP and the other ENFP.

Not sure about my other friends though.





lordrrr added to this post, 1 minutes and 12 seconds later...

I would also prefer girls who are E's as well. Having an I girlfriend would be awkward.

[nemo]

One of my friends is an INTJ, and I sometimes think I overwhelm him when we work together, lol.

So if you can handle extroverted intuition, I think either ENFP or ENTP could work out very well.

But ultimately there are way bigger factors than type.

[True Rune]

I'm trying to find out my girlfriends type, but I think I'd go well with an INFJ..

[Metamorphosis]

ENFP, imo.

and being with an INTJ sucks, in my experience

[HeterodoxRobot]

ENFP, imo.

and being with an INTJ sucks, in my experience
Next time, can you please try to not be so needlessly wordy, jeez!!! :rolleyes:

I've never been with an INTJ before, but something tells me it would be an interesting pairing.

[Mafiaangel180]

I noticed a lot of people saying they like ISTJs...which happens to be the ENFPs shadow type. So perhaps INTJs will be able to tolerate an ENFP under extreme stress then?

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[curiousjane]

I noticed a lot of people saying they like ISTJs...which happens to be the ENFPs shadow type. So perhaps INTJs will be able to tolerate an ENFP under extreme stress then?

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Interrrreesssstinggggg.

INTJs like EVIL ENFPs? Ah-ha!

Actually, in all seriousness, this kind of makes sense. My parents are a very happy INTJ-ISTJ pair.

Things I've noticed that they seem to find a tad irritating about each other: my father tries to get away with more PDA than my mother will allow; my mother, for her part, gets frustrated with my father when he can't see "the big picture" and possibilities for life. Eh, they complement each other.

Now, as a kid growing up, it would have been nice to have had some extroverted influence in our house. I had to figure out all the necessary social skills on my own, in order to survive. Hair, makeup, clothes, pop culture ... Phew. There was SO MUCH to learn ... :stunned:

[DrEast]

I actually find INFJ's very intriguing as partners...

...when I can find them at all.

[Metamorphosis]

I think a relationship with an ISTJ would be ridiculously boring. No offense ISTJs.

[lordrrr]

ISTJ's are awesome. I love them. They're so dependable, loyal, helpful... Ugh they're like my ideal friends. They arn't boring, they just stick to tradition and don't bring new ideas to the table. However, if you give them new ideas (which, being an INTJ is not hard to do), they are so loyal and dependable you can count on them aiding you in any way possible. Then you just assign them what to do (which, as I've said, is not hard to do if you're an INTJ) they will happily do it.

[sriv]

I would like to see independency in another. Not dependency, especially on me.

[Metamorphosis]

ISTJ's are awesome. I love them. They're so dependable, loyal, helpful... Ugh they're like my ideal friends. They arn't boring, they just stick to tradition and don't bring new ideas to the table. However, if you give them new ideas (which, being an INTJ is not hard to do), they are so loyal and dependable you can count on them aiding you in any way possible. Then you just assign them what to do (which, as I've said, is not hard to do if you're an INTJ) they will happily do it.

Exactly. That's why they make a good FRIEND.

[NewToWorld]

Hello all... I just wanted to mention that in my experience it is very difficult to work through emotional moments when your partner becomes illogical and self-contradictory in the heat of the discussion/argument.


Yes, I was astonished the first time my INFP spouse put his hands on his hips, tossed his head and I swear to God, flounced. It was like arguing with Doris Day.

[TheLastMohican]

Yes, I was astonished the first time my INFP spouse put his hands on his hips, tossed his head and I swear to God, flounced. It was like arguing with Doris Day.

:laugh: Oh, I can just barely imagine it...:laugh:

[Uberfuhrer]

Next time, can you please try to not be so needlessly wordy, jeez!!! :rolleyes:

I've never been with an INTJ before, but something tells me it would be an interesting pairing.

Will you be mine, Captain?

[HeterodoxRobot]

Will you be mine, Captain?
Sure, I'll be your Captain!!!

*winks*

[theunstrungharp]

Not that I'm biased or anything, but I'll venture that ENFP can indeed be a swell match for some INTJ.

Now if my INTJ friends would kindly quit their habits of moving to another country to pursue those silly old PhDs, it would be much easier to be the "ideal counterpart"!

...Yes. It's true. I'm just here for a dose.

[Mafiaangel180]

Now if my INTJ friends would kindly quit their habits of moving to another country to pursue those silly old PhDs, it would be much easier to be the "ideal counterpart"!

Hahaha, oh so true. They can't sit still for a second so we can get our claws in them. Muahahaha.

[Taberculosis]

Typically I've always been drawn to any kind of extroverted guy. Extrovert guys seem to make things exciting. ....Though very much exhausting.

Introverted guys bother me. We usually just end up sitting around doing nothing but argue and debate which eventually bores me.

Soooo my dilemma is..... introverts bore me and extroverts wear me out. :(
I need that happy medium.

[theunstrungharp]

Taber - I'm ENFP and I am so medium. We're out there. Just sayin'.

[curiousjane]

Another "medium" checking in. I am introverted in that I need personal time alone in order to feel rested. Once that time is up, I'm back out in the world and associating with friends, going places, doing things, learning stuff.

I'm kinda an extroverted introvert. Hmmm.

[Antares]

Taber - I'm ENFP and I am so medium. We're out there. Just sayin'.

I'm somewhere between E and I, but I like extroverts also; introverts can have very meaningful discussions, but extroverts are much more exciting. I think INTJ males are friends at best; any relationship and they'll wear me out; not by speaking too much but by the 'boring' conversations that can be interesting, but an overdose is lethal to the relationship. I like ENTJs and ENTPs. Although they may 'wear me out', they have their limits too, so we can cuddle after wearing each other out :lovestruck:

[EsoteriEccentri]

I always imagined an extrovert would make a good match for an INTJ, so long as they weren't TOO extroverted.
ENFP? I think that would be a very good match for an INTJ, so long as they appreciated one another for their differences rather than getting annoyed by it. Because ENFPs are fun and interesting and creative and intelligent. I know, my mum's one.
Also, they're not too extroverted. I'm sure there are some that are VERY extroverted, but they are generally called the introverted extrovert.

INFPs usually score between 0 and 30 for extroversion, ENFPs usually score between about 40 and 100.

[quaestionus]

I've been spending a lot of time, also, thinking about pairing types...

The breakdown of 'extroverts are exciting, introverts are deep' seems to simple to me to really draw a clear conclusion, though. I feel like I need more experience seeing the various types in action, and knowing what their type is... so that I can get an intuitive grasp on the matter, as it seems a bit out of reach of my logic to break down.

[mkay]

I've seen enough shallow introverts and boring extroverts to think such categorizing is useless. :)

[Lagawrd]

Categorizing is useless since everyone is extremely different in my opinion. But lets just assume that there is an ideal match for an INTJ. I will speak briefly about my experiences.

INFJ was the one most interesting to be with, but not if the F was too strong. She was always abstract enought to speak to and was pretty intelligent. Boy was she stimulating to be with... period.

ENFP was also an interesting lady. She was animated and very funy. She was higly extraverted, and that made it so much better. I was really attracted to her because she was crazy when the time was nuetral and business-like when the time was serious. I would turn into another person when i am with her, she would make me feel animated as well. It was easy to communicate with her since she would always be socially ready even with my case. However, sometimes when the conversation becomes heated, she would become a bit defensive for no apparent reason.

INFP was also an interesting person to be around. She was always up to do whatever and agreed with my theories and also added to them. Even though at times, her logic can be a bit flawed and crazy, she was very good with wording and made it sound correct.

There is more I need to say and will add them later.

[CarolinetheENFP]

My wife is an ISTJ. My best friend is an INTJ, and his wife is an ISTJ. Our wives are best friends.

I was introduced to my wife by a friend of 15+ years. Second marriage (first one was to an ENFP/J; can you say DISASTER?).

I had no intention of getting married when I met her. She is AWESOME and OH SO HOT!!!!

She understands my particular brand of crazy, and more importantly, has an uncanny way of orchestrating my return from the Stratosphere when I "Go there."

She is OH SO HOT!!!

She is logical, more so than me from time to time(those of you INTJ males that may not have reached your 35th year on the planet may not understand the weight of that statement)!

She is OH SO HOT!!!

Her way of thinking helps me to organize my thoughts (she is extremely organized). She doesn't mind listening while I work things out, AND she makes significant, meaningful contributions to the conversation.

Did I mention that she is OH SO HOT???!!!

ISTJ female is the bomb for an INTJ male... or at least this one.

why was it a disaster? in as much detail as possible please.. lol

[Lingam]

What about an INTJ and an ESFP?

[Zelder]

I married an ESFJ. One of the main reasons that I married her was because she is interesting to talk to. In the dating scene I needed a girl that could carry the conversation becasue I tended to not talk as much. However, most girls I dated would talk, talk talk talk and always about stuff that bored me to death.

When I met my wife, she was a refreshing change becasue she would carry the conversion but usually about things that would interest me. When I felt like talking she could listen and enjoy what i had to say.

Becasue extroverted feeling dominates in her, she can go bonkers when she is angry. I thought she was neurotic but now realize that it is just that she can't hid her feelings and she has a lot of feelings.

I think what makes our marriage work is that she is totally willing to tell me exactly what she needs from me and i am willing to work at it. In addition, she by nature likes to make people happy and have a harmonious relationship.

I like to think of her as someone who completes me. She has all of the congnitive functions that I do not have. Together we have all of the cognitive functions and can approach any physical, intellecual or social experience and have the cognitive functions to deal with it. We are a complete entity but it does take effort to make the relationship work.

[Lingam]

I married an ESFJ. One of the main reasons that I married her was because she is interesting to talk to. In the dating scene I needed a girl that could carry the conversation becasue I tended to not talk as much. However, most girls I dated would talk, talk talk talk and always about stuff that bored me to death.

When I met my wife, she was a refreshing change becasue she would carry the conversion but usually about things that would interest me. When I felt like talking she could listen and enjoy what i had to say.

Becasue extroverted feeling dominates in her, she can go bonkers when she is angry. I thought she was neurotic but now realize that it is just that she can't hid her feelings and she has a lot of feelings.

I think what makes our marriage work is that she is totally willing to tell me exactly what she needs from me and i am willing to work at it. In addition, she by nature likes to make people happy and have a harmonious relationship.

I like to think of her as someone who completes me. She has all of the congnitive functions that I do not have. Together we have all of the cognitive functions and can approach any physical, intellecual or social experience and have the cognitive functions to deal with it. We are a complete entity but it does take effort to make the relationship work.


How do you handle the emotional turmoil and constantly shifting focus with the utter lack of organization? My wife has become almost childish in her actions and attitudes. Everything is now about her and what interest she holds this second. It is driving me crazy.

[Zelder]

Lingram - I'm guessing that you are married to an ESFP. I think the ESFP and ESFJ are a bit different. The ESFP has a zest for life and always wants to have fun.

I don't know anything about you or your wife but it sounds like she really has a problem. She is probably manifesting the more negative traits of her character. I'm my opinion, you need to find a way to help her get grounded to the important things in life. I think if she could be convinced that marriage and family are more important than fun, then she can focus making marriage and family something that is fun.

As an ESFJ, my wife is the same type as Martha Stewart. We do have emotional turmoil but not a constantly shifting focus or complete lack of organization. Any emotional turmoil is offset my her strong desire to be supportive, make sure people are happy, and to offer assistance. Her negative emotional bouts are very short lived, like 5 minutes. She foregives and forgets very easily and expects the same from me.

I think what really makes us work is the fact that we are grounded with strong moral convictions. We are anchored to those things that make humanity work. You know, honesty, fidelity, living within our means, kindness etc. We go to church every sunday and believe it or not, it makes a huge difference in our lives.

[Indubitably]

Well, speaking as an individual whom registers as borderline INTP/ENTP I'd say that ENTP-INTJ relationships do tend to work well. I could definitely see an ENFP balancing out the INTJ's cold hard logic. I imagine it would need to be a very scholastically adept and well educated ENFP though. Probably about half of the girls I've dated have been INTJs, and with most of them I got the distinct impression that I would never had made their list unless they felt I was more intelligent and at least as well educated as they were. Of course while my irresistible charm, dashing wit, and fabulously debonair flare are irrefutably self evident, the undeniable radiance of my majestic countenance is a matter of merely tangential relevance at this particular juncture (I'm clearly more wonderful than a sunset, a rainbow, and the ass end of a peacock combined, how could anyone not love me?). What I am really getting at is that the INTJs I have known personally were all very self critical, and that self criticism appeared to be integrally tied into the standards they measured their mates against.

My guess is that ENFP-INTJ would be a great relationship for them, but you might have a hard time hooking them in the first place. Not because they would have any lack of attraction towards an ENFP, but because you'd need to brave the infamously rigorous INTJ dating standards gauntlet of doom. Basically you have to measure up to the definitively unobtainable standard they hold themselves to, in order to even be categorized as date-worthy. Fortunately for us, they frequently under estimate how well they themselves measure up to those standards, so exceeding their expectations isn't an entirely insurmountable task.

This of course assumes that they don't sabotage themselves once they do decide that they like you. If an INTJ gets into "it would obviously just never work" mode, it doesn't matter who you are, or how great you would be together, they just plain aren't going to date you.

[Lingam]

Lingram - I'm guessing that you are married to an ESFP. I think the ESFP and ESFJ are a bit different. The ESFP has a zest for life and always wants to have fun.

I don't know anything about you or your wife but it sounds like she really has a problem. She is probably manifesting the more negative traits of her character. I'm my opinion, you need to find a way to help her get grounded to the important things in life. I think if she could be convinced that marriage and family are more important than fun, then she can focus making marriage and family something that is fun.

As an ESFJ, my wife is the same type as Martha Stewart. We do have emotional turmoil but not a constantly shifting focus or complete lack of organization. Any emotional turmoil is offset my her strong desire to be supportive, make sure people are happy, and to offer assistance. Her negative emotional bouts are very short lived, like 5 minutes. She foregives and forgets very easily and expects the same from me.

I think what really makes us work is the fact that we are grounded with strong moral convictions. We are anchored to those things that make humanity work. You know, honesty, fidelity, living within our means, kindness etc. We go to church every sunday and believe it or not, it makes a huge difference in our lives.


Yes I am married to an ESFP. When we were dating she seemed more grounded and a bit more "together." However after a few years she has started adventure seeking, always looking for something new and cant seem to keep all the balls in the air. I was just wondering if the childlike behavior is typical to this type.

[CarolinetheENFP]

""This of course assumes that they don't sabotage themselves once they do decide that they like you. If an INTJ gets into "it would obviously just never work" mode, it doesn't matter who you are, or how great you would be together, they just plain aren't going to date you.""

oh please dont say that
um can some INTJs explain this and the solution?
because im working way to hard to get this bastard back..
and its working (!) like really working
hes like calling/texting me first and asking my opinions and i was so hopeful but
im afraid this will happen because that was the excuse last time
please tell me he didnt really mean it in an irreversable way

[JoeyDude]

um can some INTJs explain this and the solution?


I'm not a mind reader and I'm guessing that this INTJ you're pursuing is less than 20 years old right?

If so, I hate to say this but a big hurdle, at least for me, in that age bracket was just trying to figure out who I am, who I want to be, what kind of ideal do I want. This INTJ you're dealing with might be having some uncertainties on who he is and what he wants in a lover.

That's one of the main reasons why the first love never lasts; people grow and their priorities, viewpoints, and ideals change. I can tell you that right now at age 29 I do not think/act the way I did at age 20.

Even if you manage to nab your elusive INTJ he will grow and who can guarantee that as he develops his personality and gains widsom that he will still want to stick with you?

Pursue him all you want, it is your life and your choice to spend it however you want. Only thing I have to add is to be ready if your INTJ just can't reciprocate those feelings.

[bubbers]

you'd need to brave the infamously rigorous INTJ dating standards gauntlet of doom.

...hahaha that made me chuckle :laugh:

[dogwoodlover]

All the "experts" out there say that the natural complement to INTJ is either the ENFP or ENTP.

As an ENFP, I feel an immediate kinship with INTJs. I can talk to an INTJ for hours. It's like we both see the world in the same way.... which I suppose we do. Both ENFPs and INTJs take things in primarily via their intuition.

I don't know if there is a "perfect matching type", but it seems to require a lot less work to date someone who isn't a naturally complementing type.

Do you think there is such a thing as a natural complementing type?

My girlfriend of three years is an ENFP. We get along wonderfully.

However, I also find myself very attracted to ENTPs (though, ENTP women aren't too common). Some of my favorite friends have been ENTPs.

[Queen Mum]

Being married to an INTJ, I think ENTP/INTJ works just dandy. I think our kids might appreciate there being a little more F in the household, but I don't see how it would improve our relationship any. Who says sarcasm and nit-picking can't be signs of affection? :lovestruck:

The one big hurdle in an ENTP/INTJ relationship, I think, is turning it into a Relationship instead of just a Small Debate Club. That may require some friendly intervention.

[dogwoodlover]

The one big hurdle in an ENTP/INTJ relationship, I think, is turning it into a Relationship instead of just a Small Debate Club.

Hahahaha!

Sounds delightful.

[cyprienne]

Tieger and Barron-Tieger, in their MBTI-based book "Just My Type", indicate that the actual type correlation isn't the primary determinant of relationship satisfaction (according to their research). They highlight the inherent tradeoff: the more alike two people are, the more harmonious the relationship...but also the greater their mutual blind spots--which can make them less equipped on the whole to deal with life's eventualities. The more different two people are, the bigger the combined toolbox they have to deal with life, but the harder they have to work to bridge their interpersonal gaps.

The authors indicated that similarity vs. difference could predict the nature of the specific wrinkles in interpersonal interactions, but not the satisfaction level. This was more related to whether partners respected each other's way of being as 'valid' (and could appreciate what it added to the whole), or whether they tried to 'tolerate' / change each other. In my (limited, fallible) observations of the world, this seems to ring true.

That being said, Keirsey's "Please Understand Me II" makes a generalization I find useful. Keirsey asserts that each of the four temperaments seek something slightly different as the core of their pairing: NT rationals a 'mindmate', SJ guardians a 'helpmate', SP artisans a 'playmate', and NF idealists a 'soulmate'.

So on the whole it seems that MBTI compatibility depends at least in part…

…on the conscious awareness of differences, and the ability to see the value they contribute. ‘Spontaneous’ and ‘unreliable’ both describe variable behavior. Variable behavior is neither inherently good nor bad. It is a strength in some contexts (adding variety to a romantic relationship) and a challenge in others (completing projects according to plan).
…on the age of the partners: we enhance our facility with our recessive capabilities as we get older. (I’m a lot more rational than I was in my 20’s, and make a much better mindmate…).
… on the phase of the relationship: the empowerment provided by differences may not be all that evident during the courtship phase, but becomes more useful as shared responsibilities increase. Dating and cohabitation demand different (though not necessarily mutually exclusive) types of compatibility. Dating demands that you navigate companionship, communication, attraction, etc. In cohabitating, you also pick your way through being 'roommates', 'coworkers', and 'business partners'. So in courtship a pair might be harmoniously laid back, and later struggle to make sure the mortgage gets paid on time--or could be harmoniously structured during courtship, and struggle with boredom over the long haul. And then there would be the J/P pairs who collectively get the mortgage paid on time and never experience a dull moment, but drive each other crazy from time to time :wacky:

[childofprodigy]

I actually would prefer an INTJ female because she would think the same way as I do and would have the same personality with me thus we can understand each other and may have many common interests.

Also it's interesting to notice that in the "What is your partner's type" poll thread, the most common answer is in fact an INTJ, not ENFP/ENTP, so in my opinion similarities attract.

[Zombicide]

I do believe the "experts" are very inaccurate. I believe an INT or INf would be most complimentary in a relationship for myself.

[Nikita]

I would think that an ENTP would frustrate and annoy an INTJ more often than not. I agree with Queen Mum's point about the possibility of debate and argument overtaking the relationship. One of the biggest obstacles with this would seem that INTJs hate to lose such debates, and ENTPs (even if they don't care about winning) would probably spin the debate in any direction to avoid giving INTJs the satisfaction of conquering them, if for no other reason than that it is precisely what the INTJ wants to do. I think that INTJs would tend to want to give structure and provide guidelines in a "rational" debate, whereas ENTPs would be highly resistant to such impositions.

Alternatively, I think ENFPs would care more about hearing what the INTJ has to say from a viewpoint the ENFP sees as unique, and though an ENFP might challenge the INTJ to an extent, they would not necessarily delight in challenging the INTJ's confidence and actual point of view. ENFPs are also better equipped to draw the INTJ into the world of feelings in a way that does not scare off the INTJ, but engenders confidence and trust. ENFPs have a great understanding of people and thus are likely to see beyond the INTJ's outer shell into the person within. ENFPs will more likely appreciate the quirks of the INTJ's behavior and rationalize the portions of it which hurt the ENFP, thereby making them more likely to remain together as opposed to the ENFP being scared off, despite the INTJ's best efforts.

[Algol]

I would think that an ENTP would frustrate and annoy an INTJ more often than not. I agree with Queen Mum's point about the possibility of debate and argument overtaking the relationship. One of the biggest obstacles with this would seem that INTJs hate to lose such debates, and ENTPs (even if they don't care about winning) would probably spin the debate in any direction to avoid giving INTJs the satisfaction of conquering them, if for no other reason than that it is precisely what the INTJ wants to do. I think that INTJs would tend to want to give structure and provide guidelines in a "rational" debate, whereas ENTPs would be highly resistant to such impositions.

Sometimes winning or losing a debate is not that important; it's what you learn in the process, as illustrated by this very paragraph! :-)

[Firebrand9]

I think this is a bad mix. ENFP's in my experience are able to relate to INTJ's in the way that we usually find attractive but the ExFP part nixes the whole deal. Too many differences in relating long-term and tensions tend to mount between them over time. ENFP's tend to think they know INTJ's but they usually only understand surface-level likes of the INTJ and tend to overlook the dislikes. ENFP's will also throw INTJ's under the proverbial bus to appeal to the widest group of people possible (E/F sides) which irritates INTJ's to no end (we don't like irrationality or appealing to masses). Introversion tends to understand Extroversion, but Extroversion only gets the surface of introversion, or rather, the traits of it, not the substance. F types tend to appeal to their feelings over facts which T types can be aggravated by and no amount of explaining it to an F type ever changes this. The P part is the least of the issues here and with the right other proclivities, can be a good compliment to the J. I know a couple ENFP's and I'd rather talk to a wall than bother to explain what should be common sense to any of them. ENTP's are much better as, at least, they are drastically more rational.

Personally, I hate emotional or needy types. I have my own interests to consider and unless my significant other can help with them or have their own hobbies or business, and still be in a relationship, I'm not interested. I'm not an entertainer and I deal with cold, hard, rational facts and I expect the same from my mate. Feelings come second to that.

The only F types I've ever met that I consistently liked are INFJ's. I personally also know 2 INTJ's with INTP's that have, from what I've heard, amazing relationships.

I think the whole "opposites attract" cookie fortune wisdom needs to be considered against the fact that the divorce rate is over 50%. Opposites attract and fascinate but they don't necessarily understand each other of have the same values which can lead to all sorts of problems. These relationships only work if each doesn't attempt to change the other, which, judging from the statistics, only happens 50% or less of the time.





Firebrand9 added to this post, 4 minutes and 49 seconds later...

I've often thought that there should be a dating service based on the MBTI. Seems like it'd save a lot of time.

:)

There is. Typetango.com

[thecat]

I've often thought that there should be a dating service based on the MBTI. Seems like it'd save a lot of time.

:)

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

[Orpheus]

ISTJ's are awesome. I love them. They're so dependable, loyal, helpful... Ugh they're like my ideal friends. They arn't boring, they just stick to tradition and don't bring new ideas to the table. However, if you give them new ideas (which, being an INTJ is not hard to do), they are so loyal and dependable you can count on them aiding you in any way possible. Then you just assign them what to do (which, as I've said, is not hard to do if you're an INTJ) they will happily do it.

I guess that means ISTJs are kind of like our ideal evil minions.

[sunlover]

I am married to an ESFJ, had a rough start but once we worked through that it's been pretty smooth sailing. Had been dating an ENTP right before dating my wife. That relationship gelled very quickly and very well. But, she started having "conflicted" emotions concerning the guy from her previous romance so we agreed to take a "break" to let things sort out. In swooped my little ESFJ and the rest as they say is history. I have since become excellent friends with 2 ENTP's and an ENFP. Actually enjoy both personality types very much.

[WaeV]

Yes I am married to an ESFP. When we were dating she seemed more grounded and a bit more "together." However after a few years she has started adventure seeking, always looking for something new and cant seem to keep all the balls in the air. I was just wondering if the childlike behavior is typical to this type.

It's definitely apparent in my stepmom.

As for the original topic, I wonder if ENTPs are better friends and ENFPs are better mates?

[MagicSquid]

It's so wonderful to relate and not only love the same things but hate the same things.

Seriously, that sounds like true love. Grats.





MagicSquid added to this post, 50 minutes and 31 seconds later...

All the "experts" out there say that the natural complement to INTJ is either the ENFP or ENTP.

As an ENFP, I feel an immediate kinship with INTJs. I can talk to an INTJ for hours. It's like we both see the world in the same way.... which I suppose we do. Both ENFPs and INTJs take things in primarily via their intuition.

I don't know if there is a "perfect matching type", but it seems to require a lot less work to date someone who isn't a naturally complementing type.

Do you think there is such a thing as a natural complementing type?

Speaking solely for myself...

I don't think I could ever have a long lasting, healthy, rewarding, meaningful relationship with an Exxx-type or an xSxx-type. Besides those parameters, the other aspects of the other categories don't seem too intolerable. So, as long as they're INxx, I think they could be ok.

I don't agree with the experts. Reading up on ENFP, it does not seem like a personality type that would be interested in me, or I would find interesting in the long term. ENTP doesn't sound like it would generally get along with me either.

I think INTJ, INTP or INFJ would be my best significant others.

[The Calamity]

Alternatively, I think ENFPs would care more about hearing what the INTJ has to say from a viewpoint the ENFP sees as unique, and though an ENFP might challenge the INTJ to an extent, they would not necessarily delight in challenging the INTJ's confidence and actual point of view. ENFPs are also better equipped to draw the INTJ into the world of feelings in a way that does not scare off the INTJ, but engenders confidence and trust. ENFPs have a great understanding of people and thus are likely to see beyond the INTJ's outer shell into the person within. ENFPs will more likely appreciate the quirks of the INTJ's behavior and rationalize the portions of it which hurt the ENFP, thereby making them more likely to remain together as opposed to the ENFP being scared off, despite the INTJ's best efforts.That explains so much more to me. I have an ENFP friend whom I am attracted to, and this description helps me better understand why I feel as I do when I talk with her and how she goes along making me feel this way.

Personally, I'd love to find a ENTJ, INTJ, or an ENFP friend as a mate.

[BostonIan]

Kicking it around:

{E} is preferable, I've noticed things go much smoother when there's someone else filling in the blanks of the conversation and pursuing the socialization more.
{N} is almost a must, there seems to usually be quite a divide between me and {S}'s.
{F} is preferable to me, maybe just being a traditionalist, I appreciate emotions in women, and find it's actually easier to deal with a emotional conflict than a conflicting set of thoughts or ideas.
{P} is preferable, two {J}'s in a relationship seems like potential a power struggle.

[NiteRider]

I actually would prefer an INTJ female because she would think the same way as I do and would have the same personality with me thus we can understand each other and may have many common interests.

Also it's interesting to notice that in the "What is your partner's type" poll thread, the most common answer is in fact an INTJ, not ENFP/ENTP, so in my opinion similarities attract.
Problem is, when engrossed in an intellectual and engaging discussion, who will notice the bus heading your way when crossing the street? :)

Sure, every guy would like to date a good looking girl without taking into account what type she is. But being single and taking a long term view, I am quite confused which type to marry. Being an NT (Intellectual), I would obviously prefer having an NT as a wife.

But again, I am worried about the bus.

And what about missing out on the actual world out there if she doesn't have a desire to go to places and do bungee jumping? So wouldn't marrying an opposite make you experience more of your life before your limited time ends on this planet? After all, there is something outside of your brain which is there to be seen and experienced too.

Also, wouldn't true love come irrespective of what type of personality she had? If we understand each other and know why we are like we are, then wouldn't we be able to avoid conflict?

I think that non-NT types do experience life more, and even though I prefer being the way I am, I get to experience more when I am around them. I do get bored when they start talking though... they are good only when involved in some activities as I wouldn't have done that activity if not for them. For e.g., going to see a new mall that has opened, or eating at a new restaurant, or playing table-tennis (I prefer chess, but found TT to be quite a stress-buster).

So not quite sure at this point which way to go... NT or non-NT. And whether it matters or not when true love is concerned...

[Motoko]

These responses border on pure stereotyping. If INTJs are independent, then INTJs should be able to adapt to those who are dissimilar to themselves without having to comprimise their MBTI type preferences and inherent identities.
Does the perfect MBTI type match completely matter, if that were the case?

[Mina]

I can't stand extroverts, and I'm not too fond of Feelers either... I'm friends with an ESTP and we get along quite well, but I wouldn't date one... As he puts it, he has "the ability to generate huge amounts of words from oh so very little knowledge," which gets to be extremely exhausting and somewhat annoying after a while.

My perfect match is definitely an INTP or INTJ. Upon some reflection, I've realized that I have never even been attracted to someone who did not fall into one of those two categories. I love the conversations that I've had with my INTx partners; I love how well I am able to understand them (and vice versa). Most of them are also nearly impossible to offend, which is of great importance to me (I am extremely uncomfortable when I feel as though I must tread around people's feelings). Problems sometimes arise on the rare occasions when we come into conflict (especially with other INTJs) and neither of us is willing to back down, or particularly wants to compromise. However... I rather like arguing, so I don't mind that too much. :)

I'm with an INTP right now and things are great. The only thing that bothers me slightly about him is his occasional tendency to ignore or put off certain obligations.

[Freedom Geek]

Personally I'd say another INTJ or INTP.

[bethanygm]

My husband is an ENFP and I am very happy with our marriage. We seem to complement each other nicely and he accepts and loves me for the weirdo I am!

I am an INTJ, my husband is an ENTJ, our house is a mess, otherwise everything works


Yes, and our house is a bloody mess, as well. I wish we were cleaner, but its like we don't notice half the time. I am worse than he is, though.

[Mina]

Personally I'd say another INTJ or INTP.

I thought I was the only one here who preferred other INTx's.

Are you male or female? I ask because it seems that many of the female INTJ's that I know prefer men with similar personalities to theirs, whereas most of the men do not.

[Elfrun]

Recon it works best in theory when you switch all but the second letter, therefore INTJ + ENFP although I question if that works as well when the INTJ is female.

[quitejaded]

Just read about ENFP. The guy I had a crush on for most of my college life so far is DEFINITELY one...

[Lilex]

Theories say this and that and there are other theories that say you are better off with your own type and other theories that say you are better off with your opposite (ESFP for INTJ) so really I don't know anymore.

I don't see how the INTJ can possibly get along with the ENFP -- too different in my books and slow to start to say the least!!!!

I don't know -- its all a mystery to me really....can the INTJ get the ENFP and how much they rely on feeling/emotion as well as their emotional depth? Maybe Myers Briggs is putting too much pressure on these match ups as ideal and putting ideas in our heads...

Its a whole Spock vs. Kirk thing...hard logic vs. feeling...I know they were friends but still...

[Xanthippe]

I don't know, quite. I've liked a few ENFPs pretty well; they're charming, confident and able to make everyone feel comfortable. In social situations, they're a godsend. ENTPs, on the other hand, are unsettling and exciting rather than warm and fuzzy. I can't decide which I like better. So far, I've been alternating between them - liking ENFPs because I've gotten hurt, and liking ENTPs because the intellectual connection wasn't there. I haven't lasted long enough to judge the relationship dynamics very well, but I have noticed that both types seem to understand an INTJ in ways others don't.

[Ingrid]

My partner is ENTP and our relationship is very sucessfull. NT - is our common feature and this leads us to the same direction. However i like his E and P because he is communicative and spontaneous. This brings some kind of energy and innovations to our relationship.

[Hatsumomo1]

I've personally found that ExFx's don't work well with me. No offense to the OP, but they tend to get on my nerves a lot.

I prefer IxFJ's. Then again, I don't ask someone's type before I date them. :P I'm just recalling trends here. I don't put much stock in MBTI compatibility.

[Visual Language]

Well, the INTJ male is quite different from the INTJ female in a highly significant way. The female brain (of all types) possess more connectors and thoroughfares between the left and right hemispheres of the brain. Hence, the INTJ female is considerably more flexible, mentally, and can adapt more graciously to other types. As an INTJ female, I've friends, peers, clients, etc. of all MBTI types and have dated each of the male MBTI types, including INTJs.

Due to the natural gender differences (offer plenty of contrast for interest), a female INTJ can get along quite well (and experience unusually satisfying chemistry) with an INTJ male.

Does this surprise anyone?

[WindUp]

I definitely think an ENFP mate is more ideal than an ENTP.

With my ENFP SO:

E: used to be taxing on me. Nowadays, we have a lot of quiet time. It's great for my mood. We really try to accomodate the others needs in this department. Has helped me develop people skills and focus more on the external.

N: I think this is pretty much necessary for me in a relationship. I need someone who is at least somewhat on the N side or I'd probably have difficulty relating.

F: F only annoys me when it makes my SO interact with people too cautiously/nicely. However, my SO's Fi has helped me develop my Fi quite a bit.

P: This letter is the one that is probably the most annoying for me. My SO is high on P. He's always going with the flow and hardly ever plans a thing. At times, this can lead to a lot of cute and amusing moments. At other times, it pisses me off because his high P coupled with moderate E make him go along with whatever people want to do which can lead to him putting off work/school/interrupting my schedule.

So in short, it's rarely difficult to compromise and I feel like I learn a lot from my relationship.

[JulietCapulet]

As each INTJ is a unique individual, I'm sure they will each have their own preference which is not solely governed by their mbti type.

[Cooper]

For me....ENFP. She is positive and happy, which helps my outlook a lot. Her take on things makes me look at things differently, which, again, is good for me. She just makes me happy.

[TheManinBlack]

Well actually I prefer INTPs, INTJs, and most of all ENTJs.

However for some reason an annoyingly consistent rate of INFPs or ENFPs find me appealing. I don't dig the Fs.

[Cooper]

A mature ENFP is the way to go....the inmature ones will make you want to kill them.

[TheManinBlack]

A mature ENFP is the way to go....the inmature ones will make you want to kill them.

I have yet to encounter a mature one.

[Cooper]

I have, and its a mind blowing experience. Night and day from an immature one.

[JackCY]

mature ENFP

but high P can get annoying I guess, inability to finish what was started, no planning just random things, maybe nice but might create some real problems (job, school, ...)

[Symphi]

I read somewhere than INFJs make good companions for INTJs due to their complimenting natures; INTJs build things from information and logic while INFJs build things from social dynamics and that "just knowing" we tend to have. Yet, the two never really wear the other out thanks to the similar introversion and way of processing things through intuition. (The INFJ can be pretty disorganized for a J, however.)

It makes sense to pair the INTJ with a ENFP if that ENFP is mature enough to respect the more aloof tendencies of their INTJ counterpart.

In the end, looking for partners with type in mind can be a messy situation, as each individual is different.

[Minty]

For me, a mature ENTP is attractive & a junior makes me want to 'kick' him all the times :-)

[Wilyoldtrout]

I was married to an ENFP for 17 years. The spontaneity was great fun, but it turned out she was being spontaneous behind my back with the world and his dog. It ended very acrimoniously.

[Foiler]

People used to think I was Enfp in high school. But based on the ones I've seen, they tend to love everyone except eachother, and see eachother as kind of shallow. Maybe that's different if you get to know one another; I think they prefer to get to know 'different' people though,

[Octavianus Caesar]

The people I get along with great, tend to be ENFP's, one of my closes friends in one and she is great, bit immature, but she will grow out of it.

[Senseofrelief]

Depends...plotting to overthrow the world either requires me to to have minions and sex slaves at my disposal or the INTJ queen that is my equal and shares the grand vision.

[Distance]

In a compensatory manner, ENFPs appear to be a good choice for INTJs.

[Thinktress]

My SO is an ISTP and he's perfect for me. I'd say that the perfect partner is another human being.

[AkaruiRain]

I usually stay away from the ENFP/ENTP+INTJ relationship.


My most notable ex was a female ENFP/ENTP [not sure which]. We met in the beginning of high school, hit it off on that first day literally. We quickly became best-friends, which in about a year escalated into relationship-level. Things went well until she started feeling self-conscious about being in a same-sex relationship. I forget exactly how it ended, but it was bad and bloody, meaning painful, especially on my end. We went back to friends after, though it was all very awkward. And then she moved away, something she couldn't control. Talking slowed and slowed, and a couple years later--now--we only talk maybe once every few months. Nothing has ever been the same between us since.

I see them talking to my own friends sometimes, capturing their hearts and being lovable and relatable--but I'm so convinced they just want something from them, and once they get that, they'll leave them broken. So whenever I see one talking to my INTP/INTJ friends, I try to show them what I see in the ENFP/ENTP. I tell them to stay away, and why.

I feel bad about trying to keep them away from the "forbidden fruit" I guess you can say, but I think in the long run, they will be a lot happier having never tasted it.

[joliet]

I usually stay away from the ENFP/ENTP+INTJ relationship.


My most notable ex was a female ENFP/ENTP [not sure which]. We met in the beginning of high school, hit it off on that first day literally. We quickly became best-friends, which in about a year escalated into relationship-level. Things went well until she started feeling self-conscious about being in a same-sex relationship. I forget exactly how it ended, but it was bad and bloody, meaning painful, especially on my end. We went back to friends after, though it was all very awkward. And then she moved away, something she couldn't control. Talking slowed and slowed, and a couple years later--now--we only talk maybe once every few months. Nothing has ever been the same between us since.

I see them talking to my own friends sometimes, capturing their hearts and being lovable and relatable--but I'm so convinced they just want something from them, and once they get that, they'll leave them broken. So whenever I see one talking to my INTP/INTJ friends, I try to show them what I see in the ENFP/ENTP. I tell them to stay away, and why.

I feel bad about trying to keep them away from the "forbidden fruit" I guess you can say, but I think in the long run, they will be a lot happier having never tasted it.

Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essense, something helpless that wants our love.

[AJ1]

I'm not sure I can tell you what the ideal type is, but since I've been divorced before and am currently unhappily married, I can tell you what I didn't like about the ENTP and ISFP. The ENTP was originally fun, smart and interesting to be with, but turned out to be unfaithful. The ISFP was originally sweet, loyal and liked family/kids, but turned out to be a chronic liar, extremely manipulative and has a bad temper. As an INTJ, I hate to be lied to or manipulated. I dated an ESFP in college that I loved (and loved me), but I thought she was too emotional and she thought I was too cold.