Do any INTJs prefer an F?

[wittykitty]

All right, this I don't think this is anything new on the forums its just been idea I've been tossing back and forth in my head and just wanted to see what others had to say, and I'm a tad bit more concerned with what people who have had a relationship or are in one have to say. Seeing that my views prior to relationships changed somewhat drastically after my first one.

As far as relationships are concerned. I find it interesting that a disproportionate amount of INTJs prefer NTs, even more specific INTJs. Now logically to me, this makes complete sense, but as far as I'm concerned when you take in what a relationship (define this however you wish) should be: a mix of passion, mutual respect, etc (once again subjective) I have found that I, in fact, do not want an NT, and this is what leaves me feeling a tad bit weird on these forums.

From my personal experience I started with an ex who was an ESTP, and well, that's a road I shudder to think of going down again, and moved on to dating what I'm pretty sure was an ENTP followed by an INTJ and a few ISTJs, got a little serious with an ENFP, only to have settled with an ISFP.

Anyway, the point of that dating record is to show how Ive come to the conclusion, that I really prefer Feeling over Thinking functions by far, although a moderate F, seeing that I myself am a moderate T. I feel like even if they are a Sensor the benefits an F has to offer out weight those of a T; once again a personal preference. And I prefer a Perceiving over a Judging, albeit only mildly. Do any INTJs here actually prefer a xxFx? Even if that F is a Sensor? I just want to see if my preferences as an individual have any correlations to other INTJs.

Just for kicks, I'm borderline E, and my N and T functions are mild, the only set in stone function is my J.

Edit: I should mention I'm purely speculating about type preferences, not really drawing in mutual activities, values etc. As noted, "Every individual is an exception to the rule."

[loosefanbelt]

I am not an intj, so I will be brief.

I think that sharing the N function is rather a deal-breaker for me. All other attributes seem rather negotiable, but when it comes down to brass tacks if a person is not an N I have a really hard time making my abstract self moderately palatable to them and I cannot fathom their S. This is only true in intimate close friendships and romantic relationships.

[wittykitty]

I think that sharing the N function is rather a deal-breaker for me.

That's what I've seem to notice more than anything.

[OnlyFoundLove]

I know I'm probably an interesting person to start with, seeing as I'm not a T, but my boyfriend is an INTP and I'm an ISFP, so obviously a few T's prefer F's, even if he isn't on this site.

Being an F, even though I've only had one boyfriend, I've had many interests/crushes and I have to say that I actually prefer T's (even though "compatibility charts" or whatever say that I should be with an ESFJ or ENFJ... *shudder*).

The thing about ISFPs is that they can be incredibly emotional, but they don't always show it. I know I certainly don't; I feel embarrassed when I let myself go too much, unless I was with a close friend.

I have an online male friend who is an ISFP as well. Even though we talk to each other fairly often, it's not hard to convince myself that I could never, ever date him without going nuts. I need to be with someone who won't emotionally explode when I do. Even though my INTP boyfriend is an Fe, if I'm having a bad day and I yell at him on instinct, he won't yell back.

Also it's not odd for an INTJ to be with an ISFP. I think there's another topic on this board that talks about the Dominant functions and whatnot, and I noticed that ISFPs and INTJs have the same functions, just switched around. So in the end, it's not really weird at all.

[Cthulhu]

I am not an intj, so I will be brief.

I think that sharing the N function is rather a deal-breaker for me. All other attributes seem rather negotiable, but when it comes down to brass tacks if a person is not an N I have a really hard time making my abstract self moderately palatable to them and I cannot fathom their S. This is only true in intimate close friendships and romantic relationships.

That's very well put.

I wouldn't use MBTI as a filter for relationships per se, but it provides a convenient shorthand for describing some attributes that I like in other people and by far the biggest one is the N. The T/F dimension to which the OP refers isn't a big deal to me - it's more of a case by case thing.

[wittykitty]

Also it's not odd for an INTJ to be with an ISFP. I think there's another topic on this board that talks about the Dominant functions and whatnot, and I noticed that ISFPs and INTJs have the same functions, just switched around. So in the end, it's not really weird at all.

Can anyone offer some science on this. I don't understand in extreme detail the theory behind MBTI but I've noticed this too. Could an INTJ have developed their Tertiary and Inferior functions well enough to get along spot on with an ISFP (whose Tertiary and Inferior functions have also been developed)?

[ElstonGunn]

As a male INTJ, I fall into the half of us who consider INTJ-ness in a female to be a turn-off, or at least not something that really gets us going. The other half goes nuts for it, and I guess I understand why.

If I were the type of person who gave more than three second's thought to the MBTI type of a romantic partner, I'd consider the feeling function to be a deal-breaker, in that if she didn't have the preference for it, I wouldn't be interested.

I'm relatively indifferent to the E/I split, as long as she's not the type of extravert who thinks extraversion is the only healthy orientation, and the more of it, the better. That would most likely be incompatible with my habits and preferences. Although I think that's more of a behavior than the simple question of introversion versus extraversion (And plenty of introverts also buy into the idea that they're defective, too).

On the S and N split, I'd prefer a sensor, unless the intuitive doesn't have the warped perspective that I think most (or at least several) of them have, wherein they consider intuition to be superior to sensing, and/or that if people can't understand their way of thinking, that it's somehow because of a flaw in the other person. That turns me off quicker than anything else related to the MBTI aspects of a person.

I don't care much about the J or P of a person, although anecdotally, I've tended to be more interested in judging types. Although the effect of the J and P seems to depend more on the other letters of a person's type than anything inherent to judging or perceiving themselves.


Luckily for me, I'm currently in a relationship with someone who fits those preferences, even though I think it's silly to use typology as a way to evaluate your compatibility with someone.


Can anyone offer some science on this.

Technically, no, since MBTI isn't a scientific theory. ;)

But anyways.... An INTJ's functions are supposed to be Ni, Te, Fi, and Se. An ISFP's are Fi, Se, Ni, Te. So there's common ground, there. In a general sense, both types use the same tools, but with a different emphasis. If you use a hammer, a screwdriver, a saw, and a wrench, and someone else uses a saw, a wrench, a hammer, and a screwdriver, you could probably understand the other person well enough. Even though they're doing things a somewhat differently than you would, it still makes sense more or less.

Just a guess, there.

[loosefanbelt]

On the S and N split, I'd prefer a sensor, unless the intuitive doesn't have the warped perspective that I think most (or at least several) of them have, wherein they consider intuition to be superior to sensing, and/or that if people can't understand their way of thinking, that it's somehow because of a flaw in the other person. That turns me off quicker than anything else related to the MBTI aspects of a person.



?


I don't think I know very many people who have the traits that you are depicting here...

From the myersbriggs.org site:

Sensing (S)
Paying attention to physical reality, what I see, hear, touch, taste, and smell. I’m concerned with what is actual, present, current, and real. I notice facts and I remember details that are important to me. I like to see the practical use of things and learn best when I see how to use what I’m learning.

Intuition (N)
Paying the most attention to impressions or the meaning and patterns of the information I get. I would rather learn by thinking a problem through than by hands-on experience. I’m interested in new things and what might be possible, so that I think more about the future than the past. I like to work with symbols or abstract theories, even if I don’t know how I will use them. I remember events more as an impression of what it was like than as actual facts or details of what happened.

I find that usually the rejection comes from the S person because they do not see the pattern that has lead the N person to their conclusions and beliefs about any given situation.

I seldom see an N person acting arrogant, usually it is the case that people think you are crazy or irrelevant.

[wittykitty]

Technically, no, since MBTI isn't a scientific theory.

Hence my use of the word theory shortly after. ;) But interesting thoughts ElstonGunn, and I agree picking someone based solely on a theoretical typology is silly, especially considering my 'ideal type' should be an ENFP. Still interesting nonetheless. As to the whole N / S perspective I think both parties are guilty of it for different reasons - hence the major communication problem as exampled by loosefanbelt,

I find that usually the rejection comes from the S person because they do not see the pattern that has lead the N person to their conclusions and beliefs about any given situation.

[Trenchant1]

MBTI personality types are for wimps. I haven't had a personality type for thirteen years. Not for more than ten hours a day anyhow.

[ElstonGunn]

I don't think I know very many people who have the traits that you are depicting here...

I find that usually the rejection comes from the S person because they do not see the pattern that has lead the N person to their conclusions and beliefs about any given situation.

I seldom see an N person acting arrogant, usually it is the case that people think you are crazy or irrelevant.

I see it in one form or another a lot. I think it's understandable that if you have a hard time communicating with a lot of people, you'd want the problem to lie with them, rather than admitting that you might not be a good communicator-- they're not smart enough to understand what you say, or something like that. If you're in a minority, you'd probably want to think that that minority has several good traits (which it of course does), but it's easy to turn "good traits" into "superior traits."

There have been a lot of things said here about how sensors are dumb, or that they're unable to see the big picture, or that they're stubborn, or that they don't think deeply, or that they're difficult to get along with, and things like that. Those are individual characteristics, and if sensors are guilty of them in more instances than intuitives are, it's simply because there are more sensors to begin with. In the same way, if you see people with brown eyes act like idiots more often than people with green eyes do, the reason for that isn't that brown eyes equate to stupidity, but rather that brown eyes are more common than green eyes, and therefore just by the sheer numbers of it, you'll notice dumb brown-eyed people more often than dumb green-eyed people.

It also doesn't help when people reduce individuals and the whole Jungian type theory to caricatures, which is bound to happen. You can list off traits common to types, but no one lines up perfectly with the theoretical INTJ or ESFP. That's the inherent problem of drawing generalizations, and the inherent problem of using generalization is that, while you might gain a broad understanding of groups, you lose the depth and breadth of the individual.


[...] and I agree picking someone based solely on a theoretical typology is silly, especially considering my 'ideal type' should be an ENFP. Still interesting nonetheless.

I think it can be interesting and useful input, but to use the theory's own terminology, I'd consider the main benefit of knowing a person's type to be in the perceiving, data-gathering stage. It's a shortcut that can be used to find a starting point with a person. Once you know a person's type, you can subsequently go on to learn about his or her individual personality. I don't think it should be used much in judging or making final decisions about a person.

In other words, there are 16 types, and the more you can narrow them down in regard to a specific person, the easier it might be to understand that person. But ultimately, there are over six billion personality types, since no two individuals share the same characteristics once you've gotten to know them. If you don't want to get to know people, that's fine, but doing it because they're a specific type seems lazy and prejudiced to me. Even if you generally dislike ISFJs or ENTPs, that's not the same as specifically disliking all ISFJs or ENTPs.

[Freedom Geek]

No, too hard to reason with.

[Hatsumomo1]

I don't discriminate based on MBTI type, but usually I do gravitate towards Feelers in intimate relationships. My relationships with all the Thinkers in my life tend to be very technical and dry with little humor or passion. Many of the Thinkers I know are very serious individuals. I get enough of this from myself and I don't really need it reflected back towards me all the time. While T's might be much more easy to work with, I don't even bother connecting with them except for on a professional level. Frankly a life with all T's just sounds a little...*yawn*...

I need variety.

[Mader]

Character/Ethics are more important to me.

[wittykitty]

I don't discriminate based on MBTI type, but usually I do gravitate towards Feelers in intimate relationships. My relationships with all the Thinkers in my life tend to be very technical and dry with little humor or passion. Many of the Thinkers I know are very serious individuals. I get enough of this from myself and I don't really need it reflected back towards me all the time. While T's might be much more easy to work with, I don't even bother connecting with them except for on a professional level. Frankly a life with all T's just sounds a little...*yawn*...

I need variety.

I think its interesting you posted here, while I was doing some research on the subject in older forum posts and I can distinctively recall you sharing very similar ideas to me. :)

[Synamon]

*raises hand*

I seem to gravitate to Fs, specifically FJs. My husband is one and looking back, most of my closest friends my whole life have been. I like people who are different than me, I can learn from them and they balance me.

That said, there are people I like and dislike of all personality types and I would certainly never choose to have a relationship with someone based on typology. I think MBTI type only explains maybe a third of who we are and a lot of people are mistyped anyway. Even among the INTJs I've gotten to know on this forum there is a great deal of variability. Some are a bit more F than I am, or more E, or whatever. The preferences are on a spectrum and similar is not identical.

[loosefanbelt]

I see it in one form or another a lot. I think it's understandable that if you have a hard time communicating with a lot of people, you'd want the problem to lie with them, rather than admitting that you might not be a good communicator-- they're not smart enough to understand what you say, or something like that.

Sometimes there is not enough time to get across communication, if you are a busy individual you have to be able to hit the ground running in communicating. My husband and I were both Ns and it made it far easier to communicate because we both had demanding careers and personal lives. I think it has to do with them amount of work necessary to get solid communication with your mate.

There have been a lot of things said here about how sensors are dumb, or that they're unable to see the big picture, or that they're stubborn, or that they don't think deeply, or that they're difficult to get along with, and things like that.

I guess I have not been reading those threads.

[dalidaisy]

Most all of my past relationships have been with a feeler of some sort. I have to say that these relationships have not been very satisfying. The relationships started out great (I thought balance was good), but over time, the differences became unbearable. I have discovered that people who let their feelings guide them just cannot comprehend my logic. Likewise, I rarely see the point in letting your heart be your guide. I think a common ground is good in a relationship, but my T is just too high. I don't think my nerves could take another F. Btw, I happen to live with 2 kids who are Fs. That's plenty.

[GrnEyz]

My focus is primarily problem solving. Given enough time I will find a solution. That's just the way it is. What I need is support. I've got 6 full time employees that provide that for my business. Day to day operations bore me to tears. The biz is doing well.... but that doesn't help me outside of the office. I think i need an NF.... outside of that I'm really not sure. I've dated INFJ's and ENFJ's. At this point I'm leaning toward ENFJ... however... I've not dated any other NF's to my knowledge. I know this because I had a couple of my dates take the test........

[Prunesquallor]

I think I'd have to end up with a T simply because I'm so far down the line, but it would probably be a better balance were he a little less T than myself, otherwise we'd both be robots hardly noticing we were in a relationship. Which, honestly, is a dynamic I kinda like, but it might be weird for children, were there any.

Strangely, extraverted F-types tend to like me a lot - I find they're more likely to appreciate my perspective and my most F friends even ask for advice rather a lot, and seem to like what I give far far more than my T friends. So there is something to be said for the difference - but in terms of actually living with a person, I think a similar way of thinking might help keep the peace.

[Zsych]

I'd prefer a partner who had some level of feeling - I don't really like people being overly irrational though. Some people's views and emotions are just plain crazy. The more emotional and less intellectual someone is, the more uncomfortable I feel near them.

[axe rive]

"Do any INTJs prefer an F?"

No.

(Not speaking for anyone else)

[OnlyFoundLove]

Can anyone offer some science on this. I don't understand in extreme detail the theory behind MBTI but I've noticed this too. Could an INTJ have developed their Tertiary and Inferior functions well enough to get along spot on with an ISFP (whose Tertiary and Inferior functions have also been developed)?

I'm not entirely sure if you could get each other to be "spot on," mostly because INTJs will still prefer using their T over their F and ISFPs will prefer using their F over their T, naturally. Same with their sensing and intuition. I find my T to be well-developed, but it's still inferior to an INTJ's T, I'm sure, plus I still prefer to use my F unless I know that using T would actually be a better idea, and that all just depends on the situation.

What I think it will do, however, is bring about the best in each other. They can help each other develop their tertiary and inferior traits by using their dominant and secondary traits, respectfully. This is just a guess on my part, but it's a thought.

I agree with the people who said that you shouldn't use MBTI to discriminate when choosing a relationship. However, using MBTI as a tool to understanding your partner is really beneficial. I mean, according to some sites, I shouldn't even be with my INTP boyfriend. I say, screw them. I'm just gonna read about INTPs and find better ways to talk to him, dig into his brain, if you will. ;)

[DanteFalling]

I appreciate ENFJs, INTJs, ENTPs, ESFPs, and INTPs (probably in that order).
I find that I look forward to an FP dad for my kids or an NT for them.

I find that NFs appreciate me and what I stand for, while NTs tend to like interacting with me day-to-day.

My brother and mother are both xxFPs. I find them to be quite gentle people with kids and babies. I don't interact with many ESxx types, by choice.

[Henry]

Do any INTJs here actually prefer a xxFx? Even if that F is a Sensor? I just want to see if my preferences as an individual have any correlations to other INTJs.

Overwhelmingly, yes. I probably could not have a relationship with many T types, and certainly not with emotional development consistent with a 9 year old as we so often see on these forums.

You're staring down the opposite end of the anima/animus game though, so I can see why F types lack appeal.

[Zsych]

If you think Ts often have the emotional development of 9 year olds, then you probably wouldn't do too well with a major feeling type either.

Personally, the emotional pseudo-logic of some irrational people makes my skin crawl.
(not speaking of Fs in general, but rather of some extremely idiotic people I've had to deal with recently)

[llBradll]

I think what I want is a T who can go into F-mode when needed.

[Zhen]

I do but then again I'm such a minimal T.

[ReasoningMind]

No, I wouldn't.

[OneHertz]

I started typing a long post and then realized I was just rewording everything that Eston has already said.

I would not be able to be with a T for a very long time. I need someone emotional in my life. If I don't get to see some sort of emotions for a while, I go out and I start making people happy, sad, etc. just to observe them. I frequently go well out of my way just to see a semi random person happy. I also make people cry for no particular reason.

[wittykitty]

I think what I want is a T who can go into F-mode when needed.

I seem to be able to do that quite easily. However it's when I express affection, as opposed to decision making, which is natural for me to do in close relationships. But to the other 99% of people in my life? Not so much, that's when I've been called a 'robot' or 'aloof' a few times. :)

[Josephine1012]

I started typing a long post and then realized I was just rewording everything that Eston has already said.

I would not be able to be with a T for a very long time. I need someone emotional in my life. If I don't get to see some sort of emotions for a while, I go out and I start making people happy, sad, etc. just to observe them. I frequently go well out of my way just to see a semi random person happy. I also make people cry for no particular reason.

I agree with that from the opposite perspective. I'm somewhat emotional, I hide it very well from people who aren't in my inner circle. But it's just a cocktail of lord knows what most of the time. I absolutely need to be with a T, because if I added another cocktail to my cocktail the universe might implode onto itself.

It's interesting I find Ss intriguing in a way, but I definitely need N. I've had a relationship with 2 Ss in my life and it often got to this conversation:

he: "I'm confused, I don't understand what you're saying"
me: elaborate as much as I can to what i think is as clear as day
he: "You make no sense"

My friend interactions with sensors are different because we sort of end up connection on one specific area and it works really well. In a relationship I need my partner to get what I'm talking about with most things, otherwise I have to put a lot of effort forth in order to keep things going.

[Gareth154]

F, Sure ok.

SF? DEFINITELY NOT

[OnlyFoundLove]

It amuses me how typist some of you can get. You all could at least explain yourselves, ha ha.

SF? DEFINITELY NOT

I totally understand, because all SF's are exactly the same. ;)

I really do prefer NTs, but that's more because they interest me. I could probably take an F if he was a pretty low F and understood that I needed my space and that I don't want to hang out all the time.

I have an ENFP friend who will call me up at random, at like 9PM, and be like, "Do you want to come over right now???!" And I'm thinking, "...no way. I'm tired and I want to stay in my room all night."

[WaeV]

All the girls I've found myself attracted to (whose type i know) have been NFs.

Unconscious discrimination? Maybe. I'm in my first relationship, we'll see how it works out. :lovestruck:

[llBradll]

I seem to be able to do that quite easily. However it's when I express affection, as opposed to decision making, which is natural for me to do in close relationships. But to the other 99% of people in my life? Not so much, that's when I've been called a 'robot' or 'aloof' a few times. :)

I think that was a lot of what I was getting at. To expand on what I was saying before, I'd like somebody who isnt as robotic as I am. (coming from and 85-90 T)

[Henry]

If you think Ts often have the emotional development of 9 year olds, then you probably wouldn't do too well with a major feeling type either.

Personally, the emotional pseudo-logic of some irrational people makes my skin crawl.
(not speaking of Fs in general, but rather of some extremely idiotic people I've had to deal with recently)

There's a mountain of difference between a mature emotional response versus an immature emotional response. Although they don't go there often, most INTJs generally are not going to excel at this once they have an emotional reaction, and INTPs, the other very common type on this forum, are generally going to be less emotionally developed than INTJs. This isn't a big deal at work or at school, where you'll rarely see an INTs emotions, but emotions and emotional responses are a fairly regular part of most long term relationships.

[dogwoodlover]

All right, this I don't think this is anything new on the forums its just been idea I've been tossing back and forth in my head and just wanted to see what others had to say, and I'm a tad bit more concerned with what people who have had a relationship or are in one have to say. Seeing that my views prior to relationships changed somewhat drastically after my first one.

As far as relationships are concerned. I find it interesting that a disproportionate amount of INTJs prefer NTs, even more specific INTJs. Now logically to me, this makes complete sense, but as far as I'm concerned when you take in what a relationship (define this however you wish) should be: a mix of passion, mutual respect, etc (once again subjective) I have found that I, in fact, do not want an NT, and this is what leaves me feeling a tad bit weird on these forums.

From my personal experience I started with an ex who was an ESTP, and well, that's a road I shudder to think of going down again, and moved on to dating what I'm pretty sure was an ENTP followed by an INTJ and a few ISTJs, got a little serious with an ENFP, only to have settled with an ISFP.

Anyway, the point of that dating record is to show how Ive come to the conclusion, that I really prefer Feeling over Thinking functions by far, although a moderate F, seeing that I myself am a moderate T. I feel like even if they are a Sensor the benefits an F has to offer out weight those of a T; once again a personal preference. And I prefer a Perceiving over a Judging, albeit only mildly. Do any INTJs here actually prefer a xxFx? Even if that F is a Sensor? I just want to see if my preferences as an individual have any correlations to other INTJs.

Just for kicks, I'm borderline E, and my N and T functions are mild, the only set in stone function is my J.

Edit: I should mention I'm purely speculating about type preferences, not really drawing in mutual activities, values etc. As noted, "Every individual is an exception to the rule."


Been dating my ENFP girlfriend for three years now. We get along famously, and thus far all has gone well (except a few bumps in the road here and there).

I, too, prefer Fs in a mate. Granted, there have been a handful of ENTP women that I have been very attracted to (they've all been good friends of mine), but despite their sex appeal, I've recognized in each case that they really "wouldn't suit me," as they are all a little crazy, and I could very easily see things not turning out well with them.

Women with strong Thinking actually tend to repel me. Not in the sense of me finding them detestable or anything of the sort, but I just tend to view them as "competitors" rather than "companions." I am very drawn towards Thinking women as friends, but not as mates. My friends are all predominantly Thinkers, and what attracts me in a woman is definitely a strong Feeling component (though I don't do dominant Fe).

I have a hard enough time opening up to anyone, let alone to another Thinker. For me, it takes an F to pull me out of my INTJ bomb shelter.

[Antares]

I am not an intj, so I will be brief.

I think that sharing the N function is rather a deal-breaker for me. All other attributes seem rather negotiable, but when it comes down to brass tacks if a person is not an N I have a really hard time making my abstract self moderately palatable to them and I cannot fathom their S. This is only true in intimate close friendships and romantic relationships.

I've found that a lot of NTs and NFs prefer intuitives like themselves. Maybe I'm an oddball, but I prefer S usually, however slightly. I prefer T to F, however, I'm not adamant about any one orientation. It's just not an issue for me. J-P gets on my nerves. On one hand, I seem fatally attracted to the spontaneity of Ps, but on long term, I find that I still prefer the company of a J. Ps, especially ExxPs, wear me out.

[ssrprotege]

I tend to prefer ones that are similar to myself. However, I don't think I can stand a strong TJ. Strong J's tended to be to impose their views on me. I don't think I can stand a strong F, either. I had a relationship with an INFJ with a strong FJ, and I had a terrible fall-out. Don't really want to think about that.

I prefer an NT or NF, as long as T-F is well-balanced. I go along with J-P either way, as long as it isn't extreme. I prefer I to E (if E, weak E better), N to S.