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View Full Version : Anyone else hate being lectured at?


wardo
05-05-2009, 12:22 AM
Not by professors but by people you know, especially S's or E's who are confined by reality or the assumption that everyone should be just as outgoing as they are, respectively.

It usually starts with something like, "You should..." or "Why don't you just..." or "You know what I would do..." and ends with me quietly trying to control the urge to puke on his or her face.

Stratego
05-05-2009, 12:24 AM
Yes--I'd rather be the lecturer than the lecturee :laugh:

Any day of the week...

Latro
05-05-2009, 12:28 AM
Yep. Especially when people start repeating themselves.

2obvious
05-05-2009, 12:32 AM
I've successfully attained the lifestyle of a hermit, so it's hard to relate.

Thinking back to school days: it bothered me, but there was a long list of stuff that bothered me more. I could always zone out a lecture if I felt particularly self-righteous.

Cincinnatus
05-05-2009, 12:33 AM
Yes, and it's mostly family. They also know when I'm no longer paying attention to them. I'll be honest with them, if they ask.

Synchronicity
05-05-2009, 12:37 AM
People don't lecture me. Or maybe they do and I just don't hear them. Either way, I'm happy.

rain
05-05-2009, 12:52 AM
The only time I hate being lectured at is if they don't know what the hell they're talking about.

I find that EXXJs usually have a diplomatic way of telling you what you did was right/wrong- and I learn the best that way. But if someone's lecturing and going on and on, then I assume that person is socially somewhat inept or trying to powertrip.

probity
05-05-2009, 01:01 AM
I don't know anyone who enjoys being lectured. :uneasy: I'm not sure anyone does.
I certainly don't like it.

SShack
05-05-2009, 01:08 AM
But ... you'll miss out on the fun of puncturing holes in their stupid arguments!

charolastra
05-05-2009, 04:00 AM
People lecturing me tend to get the response "I know... I know... I know, why are you repeating yourself?"

I do admit that I'm often the "lecturer" or at the very least the person who calls someone else out. I'm the most blunt of my friends and have no problem informing someone that they're doing something that's either wrong, stupid, unsafe, or particularly rude. I've cultivated my F skills enough to the point where I can be dead blunt while salvaging most feelings.

dogwoodlover
05-05-2009, 05:07 AM
My ENTJ mother and ENFP girlfriend lecture me endlessly... though they both try to keep it reasonable since my irritation is usually obvious.

FelicificAgent
05-05-2009, 06:21 AM
I believe the OP might find amusement in reflecting on the difference between ordinary lectures and being "lectured" by someone.

Putting certain irrational quirks aside, any extended monologue of, to us, positive advice has been ruled out by the OP with the exclusion of lectures. What remains are conversations for which the advice is not perceived as good enough to be worth our time. Unless we consider conversations to have some significant value even if there is no exchange of information, it seems to me that the answer should be obvious.

That being said, not all "conversations" are necessarily considered useless by INTJs (speaking only for myself) even if there is no exchange of information, e.g., a friend who might need to get something sufficiently important of their chest.

A more interesting question might be "what does it take for you to consider someone lecturing you worth the time?"

Monte314
05-05-2009, 08:07 AM
I spend a lot of time lecturing, and no time being lectured... and, I get paid!

It's the perfect mix.

rwyatt365
05-05-2009, 08:54 AM
I dislike being lectured, and preached-at. There is nothing in the world that I "should" do except for breathing and dying - everything else is optional, and my choice to make.

doublejava
05-05-2009, 09:04 AM
Monte, you're married. Of course you've spent time being lectured! :)

When I was younger, I used to think I had to be super polite and listen dutifully to such lectures. Now, I'm gaining some ability to decide when the lecture needs to come to an end. A good technique, without being overtly rude, is to change the subject. Extroverts are stellar at this. When they get bored with people's reasoning, they can interrupt and completely change the subject. Try it, it works!

Lecturer: So, doublejava, you should think about getting a better stereo system. I have one that has amazing output capacity ...
[B]Me, bored: Oh yeah? Sounds interesting. So [I]you recently remodelled your TV room, right? Do you think the color of the walls here is too drab? I'm thinking of painting them a bolder color.

wardo
05-05-2009, 09:48 AM
The thing I dislike the most is that the lecturer is trying to impose their will upon me. It's as if they are trying to make me into a carbon copy of themselves.

That''s a good question Felific and I think I would only want someone lecturing me if I value his or her intelligence.

And I'll have to try that java.

Rho1334
05-05-2009, 12:13 PM
Oh i hate it. Especially an emotional lecture. Generally lectuing is used to try to assimlate me into te overwhelming stupidity called humanity...blah

music221
05-05-2009, 12:25 PM
I have a natural talent to tune people out. I think I developed this because I hate to listen to people ramble on and on. So yes, I hate being lectured to.

SelfInflected
05-05-2009, 01:21 PM
I believe I do like being lectured. It happens so infrequently, that I get some kind of perverted pleasure in my affirmation that the person doing the lecturing is quite ignorant about me.

It makes it so much easier to move on.

TheLastMohican
05-05-2009, 01:35 PM
Being lectured is most frustrating when the lecturer has no genuine interest in being helpful, and does not modify shis approach for the situation. Sometimes the person has a whole spiel that se thinks you are obligated to listen to, and spends most of the time telling you things that you already know, or things that are irrelevant. Sometimes the lecture was prompted by a misunderstanding or miscommunication, but the lecturer will not stop or backtrack until se has finished the spiel. The worst lectures come from those who simply like to hear themselves talk.
I don't find phrases like "you should" irritating unless I know for a fact that the advice is misdirected or simply wrong, because then I take it as the lecturer being assertive beyond shis means. Otherwise it carries little meaning, being a common phrase that we use even when there is little objective truth in the situation.

rara avis
05-05-2009, 01:40 PM
Yes. HATE it.

My family are the major perpetrators of this in my life. My mother is an ISTJ - (extroverted, where her family is concerned.) My sister is an ENFJ. ('nuff said.)

I hate being lectured, pushed, prodded, manipulated, repeatedly cautioned, etc. Nearly every response my sister makes to something I say begins with, "Well..." Which means, "That's fine, but I'm about to tell you what you really meant."

I am an expert at childishly, outrightly ignoring family members when they're doing this kind of thing. But it is infuuuuriating.

[My dad's an IsTP - he does pontificate on rare occasions, about strange things, but he's almost never intrusive. My brother's an ESFP, he just thinks it's all hilarious.]

Xanthippe
05-05-2009, 04:02 PM
Frankly, I don't like hearing monologues in general, whether it's my best friend recounting every detail of her weekend at nauseating length, or my mother repeating herself and shouting out of passion for the subject. That said, I rarely get lectured. My friends know I'll pay no attention, and most other people seem to approve of my behaviour. I like lecture classes, actually, because I enjoy taking notes.

Pcell
05-06-2009, 12:52 AM
I tend to not hang around people that lecture. Objective criticism is allright, but when the other person keeps going about why I'm wrong and why I should do things their way I start getting irritated. Of course, if it's something I deserve, I can be patient; however if I feel it's unwarranted I'll block them out.

My mom is pretty much the only person I allow to lecture me, but not too much. ;)

Orpheus
05-06-2009, 01:26 AM
The only time I've ever been lectured at is when my principal tried to tell me why some of my school's most pointless rules were important. Of course, I had arguements against everything he spouted out, but I had to restrain myself from using them, or risk expulsion. That's the whole problem with catholic school; it's hypocritical to the very core.

Back on topic:
When that happened, I nearly went into one of my rages. An extremely unpleasant experience.

searcher
05-06-2009, 03:16 PM
I get lectured on a regular basis by either my mother or concerned church members/friends.

My general tactic is to listen long enough to figure out what they're rambling about and then just use stock phrases ("yes", "no", "I won't do it" and "why would I do that?") to make it sort of appear like I'm listening.
This is coupled with the general staring into space or right through them, so I suppose I could just as well ignore them.

flipwise
05-06-2009, 05:57 PM
I hate it, especially when people think they're so smart with it.

I'm always extremely close to replying back angrily, but I hold myself back, avoid conflict.

blue tie
05-07-2009, 11:53 AM
Being lectured is most frustrating when the lecturer has no genuine interest in being helpful, and does not modify shis approach for the situation. Sometimes the person has a whole spiel that se thinks you are obligated to listen to, and spends most of the time telling you things that you already know, or things that are irrelevant. Sometimes the lecture was prompted by a misunderstanding or miscommunication, but the lecturer will not stop or backtrack until se has finished the spiel. The worst lectures come from those who simply like to hear themselves talk.

Oh my goodness, this is my roommate's problem and this is why I hate him! I'm very hot and cold about him because he has two faces: normal roommate and lecturing roommate. Back when I first moved in and didn't know any better, I tried to sit him down and deconstruct him on why what he was doing was useless. But I think he honestly thought being right was more important than delivering a successful message.

Meanwhile, he's telling us about treatment of the bourgeoisie at the turn of the 18th century and everyone is rolling their eyes. I thought INTJs were already messed up in the head; this guy takes the cake.

gedreosan
05-09-2009, 02:04 AM
My father has rediscovered religion in the last few years. When he comes to visit there is inevitably a conversation that begins "I don't mean to preach." And what follows is him extolling the virtues of Christianity for a good 45 minutes. I get a lot of thinking done . . .

JustMel
05-09-2009, 02:10 AM
People don't lecture me. Even when I was in school I didn't get lectures. Professors/class lectures not included obviously. People tell my husband all the time "you should just" and such but they don't do it with me. Perhaps because I don't listen and tell them if they don't like it they can leave.

I've never even had a boss lecture me. Could be because I'd walk away and they know it.

jadefalcon
05-12-2009, 11:00 AM
Oh those kinds of people. Yup, I hate being told what I should believe based on someone elses belief without my agreement. In short, if someone lectures to me how introverts are a plague to the world I will begin to drop information processing very quickly. I've heard the old whistle and I have zero patience for people's ignorance.

lancelot
05-13-2009, 11:42 AM
Not by professors but by people you know, especially S's or E's who are confined by reality or the assumption that everyone should be just as outgoing as they are, respectively.

It usually starts with something like, "You should..." or "Why don't you just..." or "You know what I would do..." and ends with me quietly trying to control the urge to puke on his or her face.

I have a similar problem, when I want someone to consider a concept, they respond with a directive; this is their way of feeling in control. I have learned to force people to think about what I'm saying and give an appropriate response.

Ex. My roomate is suffering from triskadecaphobia, man I tell you friday, he refused to leave to house and locked himself in his room.

Directive: Well if he has social anxiety disorder just leave him alone.

It's interesting, a directive creates(To some people) the illusion someone knows what they're talking about.

Night Runner
05-14-2009, 02:56 AM
To respond to the OP, I have a very hard time imagining anybody who loves being lectured at...

Obsidean
05-14-2009, 04:11 AM
Yes, oh God yes. The thing I hate the most is when they start telling me how I should live my life. Its my life and I'll live it the way I want to!

runoverazebra
05-15-2009, 12:11 AM
Very few people lecture me, because they know better. I suppose this means that my dislike of being lectured at is very well known. The only people that do attempt to lecture me are my mother and grandmother. I either tell them exactly what I think about what they have to say or I just don't listen to them at all.

Oleander
05-15-2009, 12:59 AM
It's weird, but most people I know take very well to my "lecturing". I don't harp or repeat myself or belittle. As an S, I fill them in on the reality of reality and let them stew in their own pain of fantasy and disillusion.