INTJ's and "How to Win Friends and Influence People"

[Sevs]

Hey guys and sunny greets from Mauritius =)

I have recently read a book How to Win Friends and Influence People (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) and i came to the sad conclusion that to being successful in life it seems like one must be exactly the opposite of INTJ.

I mean i found the evidence in the book rather overwhelming I wonder if anyone else has read it for those that haven't here the core principles as advocated by the book:

1. Don't criticize others.
2. Sincere appreciation for others.
3. Think about what other people want - not what you want (and you will get what you want)
4. Take genuine interest in other people.
5. Smile (probably the hardest one)
6. Remember peoples names
7. Be an attentive listener.
8. There is no way to win an argument - the best thing you can do is avoid an argument / you can't win an argument.
9. Make yourself agreeable
10. Always make the other person feel important.
11. Don't be defensive.
....

This is as far as i have got summarizing so far but with each chapter it seems like this world is more and more not INTJ compatible.

Also the frightening thing is that the author has examples from very powerful and important people that follow these "patterns" so to me it seems like this really is what you need to do to become truly successful.

Now my question what do you think about all this and what exactly is an INTJ to do in this world ?

[BadMojo]

Bah, it's just a stupid book. A successful life is a happy life. Vice Versa.
I would never look to a book on things like that. yeah, perhaps some powerful people have been like the book described, but have they been happy?
Look at Hollywood. There's a lot of film actors, singers and so on that aren't happy. They live in their golden cages secluded from the rest of the world.

The list you've posted have some good qualities, but it should never define ones person. I see them as tools and nothing more.
I would say that the most important thing to learn is to be at rest with your own personality. Know your strengths and weaknesses. Then act upon your strengths and improve your weaknesses. Learn to love the one you are. Only then can you call yourself successful.

[OmegaPsi]

Well,friend,we do not need friends to be successful in life.

Maybey im just manipulitive but all of those can be achieved false heartedly.

Heres some ways you can keep to yourself while making 'friends'.

1. Don't criticize others out loud. Do it in your head.
2. at least pretend of sincere appreciation for others.
3. Think about what other people want - but remember what you want
4. Pretend genuine interest in other people.
5. Smile (probably the hardest one) [meh no changes..]
6. Remember peoples names [that always helps in rule 3 =) ]
7. Be an attentive listener. But you do not have to memorise them word for word
8. The original #8 is a lie. There is always a way to win an argument.
9. Make yourself agreeable, but stick to your own opinions
10. Always make the other person feel important. [Sadly thats what needed for rule 3]
11. Don't be defensive. [meh...]

But I do not suggest these rules when your actually trying to make friends with the person. This is more of a guideline to deal with people. ;D

[Umbrex]

Hey guys and sunny greets from Mauritius =)

I have recently read a book How to Win Friends and Influence People (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) and i came to the sad conclusion that to being successful in life it seems like one must be exactly the opposite of INTJ.

I mean i found the evidence in the book rather overwhelming I wonder if anyone else has read it for those that haven't here the core principles as advocated by the book:

1. Don't criticize others.
2. Sincere appreciation for others.
3. Think about what other people want - not what you want (and you will get what you want)
4. Take genuine interest in other people.
5. Smile (probably the hardest one)
6. Remember peoples names
7. Be an attentive listener.
8. There is no way to win an argument - the best thing you can do is avoid an argument / you can't win an argument.
9. Make yourself agreeable
10. Always make the other person feel important.
11. Don't be defensive.
....

This is as far as i have got summarizing so far but with each chapter it seems like this world is more and more not INTJ compatible.

Also the frightening thing is that the author has examples from very powerful and important people that follow these "patterns" so to me it seems like this really is what you need to do to become truly successful.

Now my question what do you think about all this and what exactly is an INTJ to do in this world ?

Ha, for INTJ's it would mean that if we were to become successful in the social setting we ought to take a Machiavellian approach to how we socialize.
I have often wondered if that would be the way to go, but it's just plain wrong. That would also hurt my integrity and view on how my relations with other people should be.

The social construction of reality inhibits the attainment of true interpersonal relations for the INTJ in a general setting it would seem.

[Doppelbock]

1. Don't criticize others.

I just criticize them in my head, or later, to my friends in private.

2. Sincere appreciation for others.

Sincerity? I can fake that.

3. Think about what other people want - not what you want (and you will get what you want)

Uh, yeah, I can see where many INTJ's would have a problem with this one.

4. Take genuine interest in other people.

If other people could meet me halfway by being genuinely interesting...

5. Smile (probably the hardest one)

Nah, not hard at all. I'm always smiling at something one of the voices in my head is telling me.

6. Remember peoples names

THIS is the hardest one.

7. Be an attentive listener.

Okay, THIS is the hardest one. Number 6 is second hardest.

8. There is no way to win an argument - the best thing you can do is avoid an argument / you can't win an argument.

Correction: you can't win an argument with somebody too stupid to realize you've won the argument.

9. Make yourself agreeable

Or just disguise your disagreement using terminology the moron won't understand.

10. Always make the other person feel important.

This too can be faked.

11. Don't be defensive.

No need to be defensive when I'm right all the time.

DB

[thecraig]

The guy who wrote this book obviously wasn't an INTJ and probably wasn't even an "I". You or any other INTJ are completely capable of making freinds. I would bet you have at least one person you consider your freind. We INTJ usually have a small (many times very small) number of people we consider worthy of our freindship. When I observe other people in their dealings with their so-called freinds I wonder at how they can be so involved in such shallow relationships.

I could use the list that the author of your book posited in order to put together a bigger social network. I have in fact employed some of those tacticts in the past in my dealings with people. These are however not my natural tendancies and when I do use them it is for a specific purpose and is completely simulated. You can do it. If you were to use these tactics often enough they might even become second nature to you, but they are still somewhat simulated. For instance, I can not be GENUINELY interested in some one or something that is not GENUINELY interesting, but I could try to fake it.

[Danisty]

I've found that faking those things works really good as long as you don't actually care about the people you're trying to impress. So basically, use it to get what you want (like a job). I wouldn't actually recommend doing any of those things to win friends though. Would you really want to "win" friends anyway? It's better to be yourself and have a couple of friends who understand you and accept you (or maybe even no friends at all) then to consistently fake who you are to make people like you. Trust me, that will wear you out in no time.

[Kfbr]

I'll chime in and echo what everyones been saying. I had to read this book for my work and it's actually been incredibly helpful.

I'm over a group of 10 college students my own age and when I first started the only real thing I was doing right was getting the job done right. After reading these little self help books I took what I needed from it and realized that other people need these ego boosts, while I don't. It took me a long time to grasp it but ever since I started practicing these things my productivity has gone up and we are the envy of the department.

Our team puts on the the best events in a negative atmosphere, our paper work is always filed first and we are constantly referenced by the other teams for how we do things. You have to be sincere in your appreciation, don't fake. People can see right through it. And I can point out criticisms all day but that doesn't get the team anywhere. Focus on the positives, learn from your mistakes and move on is how I lead.

As for my J, having everything neatly planned out doesn't always work. I've learned to not go insane by having things change to just realize that the end goal isn't changing one bit, it's just small details along the way being switched.

This is the first job I've had being in charge of other people and I can honestly say the things in the book can work. Our motives may not be the same (This job is going to look fantastic on a law school application) but we can use the same techniques.

The biggest thing I took from that book was the "There are two reasons anyone does anything, the noble reason and the real reason."

To get someone to do anything, appeal to their 'real reason' and reach compromises. It works wonders.

[Danisty]

As for my J, having everything neatly planned out doesn't always work. I've learned to not go insane by having things change to just realize that the end goal isn't changing one bit, it's just small details along the way being switched.I was telling my sister-in-law something similar. She just married a man in the Air Force last spring and she's finding out that plans change almost constantly in the military. She's one of those people who plans down to the detail (and I used to be really bad about it too) and she's not dealing well with the surprise re-assignment they've been given. I've been through so many surprises since my hubby joined the Army last spring, that I've just decided you can't plan around the military.

[Zilal]

That's funny. I do most of those 11 things regularly and it doesn't feel in conflict with my INTJ-ness at all. Figuring out how to phrase things in a way that works with other people, while remaining true to myself, is a good challenge and can be very rewarding. It could be seen as Machiavellian, but it's not truly (think about what others want first??)--however, it is strategic, and if you can get into that aspect of it you might find yourself enjoying things like complimenting people after all.

[The Rose]

Now my question what do you think about all this and what exactly is an INTJ to do in this world ?I read that book a long time ago.
I thought it had some great ideas and pointers for helping me get along better with others.
I adopted the principles that I felt I could.
I think it has helped me a lot in life.

[Dreamer]

You plan accordingly to the current situation. You don't dictate your plan according to what you wish was the current situation.

1. Don't criticize others. I find that if the intent was not malicious and the other party feels repentant,criticism is usually counter-productive.

If the intent was malicious however,criticism may be well deserved but sometime it can pay to keep your mouth shut and let the other party hang itself.


3. Think about what other people want - not what you want (and you will get what you want)
The primary motivator for the human being is greed. If you have nothing they value,how is it in their interest to be near you?


8. There is no way to win an argument - the best thing you can do is avoid an argument / you can't win an argument.
Dale Carnegie was getting at that you can't win an argument in the sense that you can't win the other person over by shere brute force/argumentation. Even if you win on the "logical" relm, the other person's ego may curl up into a spiked ball and reject whatever idea you may try to bring forward.

Compare the approaches of Reagan and his democratic opponents.

I find that the techniques described in Carnegie's book are a more diplomatic way of arguing and convincing rather than your reluctant submission to your opponent's position in order to gain social brownie points.

It doesn't work in every situation(and certainly NOT with everybody!), but it certainly is an interesting approach to argumentation to have in one's toolbox.

[Tsuru]

I've read the book and I think it would more aptly be titled "how to be a completely insincere and manipulative phony." :P

I don't want to "win" friends or influence people anyways.

[Danisty]

I've read the book and I think it would more aptly be titled "how to be a completely insincere and manipulative phony." :P

I don't want to "win" friends or influence people anyways.Oh, I love influencing people. I don't pretend the people I influence are friends though. In fact, I think the name of the book is pretty stupid. You don't really makes friends by manipulating people.

[Maverick]

There is not one way to gain friends and influence people. There can be several strategies that are just as effective depending on the situation. The lists sounds like something cooked up by an ExFJ. It is typical "Extraverted Feeling" behavior. Basically, it is about acting accomodating in order to get people to like you. You could just as much make a case using the opposite of each statement.

[Bossy Mom]

Being an INTJ doesn't mean one has to be cold and arrogant. One learns in life that schmoozing is the way to succeed in life. I schmoozed in college and got A's in swimming, modern dance and archery. I couldn't schmooze in everything because some people really have an eye for it. I often schmoozed in the corporate world and was extremely successful at it. Now that I am older and working in the academic world, I just don't care about schmoozing anymore.

My husband, who had 2 degrees from MIT and an MBA from Northwestern, was always reading self-improvement books to try to help him become social. It just never worked. He even took classes in how to influence people, but to no avail. He was extremely intelligent but socially backward and nothing could change it. He used to admire my ability to schmooze. I don't know what his personality type was, but he was a very detail-oriented analytical type who could not connect with people (except for me and his parents).

[Smacknrat]

.... Really? I had a natural tendency to do some of the 'common sense' items in the book with the exception of a few.


1. Don't criticize others.
2. Sincere appreciation for others.
3. Think about what other people want - not what you want (and you will get what you want)
4. Take genuine interest in other people.
5. Smile (probably the hardest one)
6. Remember peoples names
7. Be an attentive listener.
8. There is no way to win an argument - the best thing you can do is avoid an argument / you can't win an argument.
9. Make yourself agreeable
10. Always make the other person feel important.
11. Don't be defensive.
....

This is as far as i have got summarizing so far but with each chapter it seems like this world is more and more not INTJ compatible.

Also the frightening thing is that the author has examples from very powerful and important people that follow these "patterns" so to me it seems like this really is what you need to do to become truly successful.

Now my question what do you think about all this and what exactly is an INTJ to do in this world ?

1-4 I did naturally, automatically, mostly always did. I believe it was due to the fact of actively engaging in debate and discussion with lots of people when I was younger (including people of much varying thoughts than mine who I considered best friends). I honestly don't know how any of these are non-INTJ traits... Unless you intentionally limited yourself.

5... Was something I was always bad at... But I did notice it helps in social situations.

I made more of an effort with 6... I mean.. I like it when people remember me. Considering how infrequent I come across people (compared to the general public) it really isn't hard and makes a world of difference.

7 is something I've always done.

8 was an offshoot of 1-4.

9... Always have to work on this one.

10. Other people ARE important. It's something I'm constantly reminded of and constantly forget. It's a frustrating lesson each time.

11. I don't HAVE to be defensive. Part of the constant self-improvement thing as well as items 1-4.

[Jgib5328]

Hey guys and sunny greets from Mauritius =)

1. Don't criticize others.
2. Sincere appreciation for others.
3. Think about what other people want - not what you want (and you will get what you want)
4. Take genuine interest in other people.
5. Smile (probably the hardest one)
6. Remember peoples names
7. Be an attentive listener.
8. There is no way to win an argument - the best thing you can do is avoid an argument / you can't win an argument.
9. Make yourself agreeable
10. Always make the other person feel important.
11. Don't be defensive.


It's pretty much common sense to use some of these, and it most likely will get you more friends and the ability to influence people. I mean if you don't think about what other people want, then why would they want to be your friend and why would they be influenced by you? If you show a sign of caring, then you can get more influence over. Basically you need to show some kind of consideration to people to get them to like you. That is probably the best way to gain influence over people. With that being said, you don't actually have to 'feel' this, you just have to pretend. You have to pretend you care about other people and you have to pretend that you have a general interest. If you can fake that, then a person is more willing to do your bidding. I can get people to be friends with me or do what I want by just faking some of these attributes. I usually never care about what a person is saying and I don't care about making them feel important, but I try to anyways and it pays off.

[Danisty]

Being an INTJ doesn't mean one has to be cold and arrogant. One learns in life that schmoozing is the way to succeed in life. I schmoozed in college and got A's in swimming, modern dance and archery. I couldn't schmooze in everything because some people really have an eye for it. I often schmoozed in the corporate world and was extremely successful at it. Now that I am older and working in the academic world, I just don't care about schmoozing anymore.

My husband, who had 2 degrees from MIT and an MBA from Northwestern, was always reading self-improvement books to try to help him become social. It just never worked. He even took classes in how to influence people, but to no avail. He was extremely intelligent but socially backward and nothing could change it. He used to admire my ability to schmooze. I don't know what his personality type was, but he was a very detail-oriented analytical type who could not connect with people (except for me and his parents).I won't argue that the schmoozing is very useful, but I can't stand to do it. "The game" makes me ill...seriously. It's not that I have a problem manipulating people. That really doesn't bother me. It's what I have to do to manipulate them that's disgusting to me. It would be one thing if I felt like it was an option that I could use every now and then to get ahead, but so far in my life, it has been an absolute necessity in every social setting that I did not specifically create myself. People who have managed to be successful without doing this astound me. If I didn't play this game, I doubt I would have ever had a job. I can pretend to be something I'm not. It's just that when I'm spending more time being something I'm not than being true to myself, I really start to lose it. It has a bad affect on me, mentally and physically. Honestly, I wish I could find some of these people you say have an eye for schmoozing. I'd love to work for them.

[Maverick]

You have to go about it the right way. As an ENTJ, I never had any problems winning friends and influencing people. I still maintained my individuality, assertiveness and honesty. Because when people know you mean what you say, your compliments will be worth 10x more than they are of someone else. Everyone respects an honest person as long as s/he is not blunt and impolite. There is a way of doing things. You just have to capitalize on your strengths as an xNTJ without being like an ExFx. For example:

I: Listening to others. People love nothing more than talking about themselves.
T: Focusing on the task and not criticizing others for who they are. Being fair and treating everyone the same way. Being objective and mentionning both the positive and the negative. Combining honesty and politeness.
J: Holding your promises, arriving on time and being generally dependable.

1. Don't criticize others.

If you are their boss, criticize their work only. Be objective and mention positive points too.

2. Sincere appreciation for others.

Yes, but don't fake it if you don't like someone. That's the best way to lose respect from people. Remain polite but do not act like a hypocrite.

3. Think about what other people want - not what you want (and you will get what you want)

Yes.

4. Take genuine interest in other people.

Be curious about people but don't lose your integrity in faking interest if you can't be bothered.

5. Smile (probably the hardest one)

Yes.

6. Remember peoples names

It's obvious.

7. Be an attentive listener.

Yes

8. There is no way to win an argument - the best thing you can do is avoid an argument / you can't win an argument.

You have the right to your own opinion. State it clearly without undervaluing the other person's. Try to look at the issue from different sides and show how the other person's perspective can also be valid.

9. Make yourself agreeable

Somewhat. You have to stand up for yourself and be assertive. Don't hesitate saying "No". Or else you won't be respected and will be a push-over.

10. Always make the other person feel important.

Mmh. I would rather say "don't make the other person feel inferior". If you make the other person feel too important, s/he will think that you are unimportant.

11. Don't be defensive.

That's right.

[Bossy Mom]

I won't argue that the schmoozing is very useful, but I can't stand to do it. "The game" makes me ill...seriously. It's not that I have a problem manipulating people. That really doesn't bother me. It's what I have to do to manipulate them that's disgusting to me. It would be one thing if I felt like it was an option that I could use every now and then to get ahead, but so far in my life, it has been an absolute necessity in every social setting that I did not specifically create myself. People who have managed to be successful without doing this astound me. If I didn't play this game, I doubt I would have ever had a job. I can pretend to be something I'm not. It's just that when I'm spending more time being something I'm not than being true to myself, I really start to lose it. It has a bad affect on me, mentally and physically. Honestly, I wish I could find some of these people you say have an eye for schmoozing. I'd love to work for them.

I should have explained myself more fully. Yes, schmoozing is very helpful, but it usually only helps in the short term. The schmoozer must actually work and accomplish things. In the company I worked at for 16 years, I practiced my schmoozing, but I combined it with hard work, dependability, punctuality, and responsibility. I had to make sure that if the division I was currently in was dissolved or sold, I would still get a job in another area of the company. It was an excellent company -- good to its employees and I had a daughter with a chronic illness who I had to make sure had good insurance. One must do what is necessary to survive. My husband, in spite of his excellent education and high IQ, could never be depended upon to have a job for long.

Also, I never stepped on another person to get ahead. I just tried to show the "powers that be" that I was a valuable employee.

[Oica]

Screw the book. I live by honesty. If I don't like you, I'm not going to hide it and wait for a chance to stab you in the back. I'm going to tell you, I don't like you.

Probably won't help me in the long run, but having such an extreme integrity works to my advantage.. sometimes.. It also seems to psych people out. Waiting for me to lie about something.

EDIT: hahaha this post looks mean.

[thecraig]

I've found that faking those things works really good as long as you don't actually care about the people you're trying to impress. So basically, use it to get what you want (like a job). I wouldn't actually recommend doing any of those things to win friends though. Would you really want to "win" friends anyway? It's better to be yourself and have a couple of friends who understand you and accept you (or maybe even no friends at all) then to consistently fake who you are to make people like you. Trust me, that will wear you out in no time.

Your right. It would copmletely wear me out to simulate extraverted feeling behavior all the time. Sometimes its a good idea though. There are situations where it pays to put on the E/F mask.

Is it really dishonest to use this stuff? Maybe. I think the important thing though is your motivation. Are you trying to be more freindly and social in order to.... To what? To hurt some one, to use them or are you useing this books ideas to be a better freind.

I don't give a rats ass what my wife dresses the kids in as long as it is functional and modest. When she starts showing me all the "pretty" things she bought my daughters I honestly wish she would go put the clothes in the kids closet and not bother insisting on showing each peice individually and tell me about them and....... but I nod and smile and say, "yeah that looks nice" because it is important to her. Sometimes being "fake" is the considerate thing to do. So should I be honest in this situation or fake being interested?

[Danisty]

I should have explained myself more fully. Yes, schmoozing is very helpful, but it usually only helps in the short term. The schmoozer must actually work and accomplish things. In the company I worked at for 16 years, I practiced my schmoozing, but I combined it with hard work, dependability, punctuality, and responsibility. I had to make sure that if the division I was currently in was dissolved or sold, I would still get a job in another area of the company. It was an excellent company -- good to its employees and I had a daughter with a chronic illness who I had to make sure had good insurance. One must do what is necessary to survive. My husband, in spite of his excellent education and high IQ, could never be depended upon to have a job for long.

Also, I never stepped on another person to get ahead. I just tried to show the "powers that be" that I was a valuable employee.I'm hoping part of my problem is location. I live in the deep south and I'm surrounded by people who are either extroverted or feeling and find these things natural or a bunch of other people who fake it really well and it's just expected that you will act this way whether you like it or not or you will pretty much get fired or blackballed or railroaded or any other unpleasant thing they can do to you. Like I said, if I was able to use it here and there to get ahead, I'd be all for it. Unfortunately, the requirement here is that I use it constantly and literally be a different (fake) person in social settings. I'm hoping this will improve when we move to upstate New York next fall. I spent two weeks there in October and people seemed much easier to deal with up there.

[systemsguy]

Yeah, how to win friends and influence people. When I read books like this, my mind always goes to something along the line of “What does it profit a man if he gain the whole world and lose his soul?”

Those who have some inner need and desire to please people at the expense of who they are seem to be to me people not true to themselves. How can these people violate their integrity and live with themselves? I cannot. I will not.

[viscix]

1. Don't criticize others.
2. Sincere appreciation for others.
3. Think about what other people want - not what you want (and you will get what you want)
4. Take genuine interest in other people.
5. Smile (probably the hardest one)
6. Remember peoples names
7. Be an attentive listener.
8. There is no way to win an argument - the best thing you can do is avoid an argument / you can't win an argument.
9. Make yourself agreeable
10. Always make the other person feel important.
11. Don't be defensive.
....

This is as far as i have got summarizing so far but with each chapter it seems like this world is more and more not INTJ compatible.


I read that book. Also an INTJ, and I found it helpful. It didn't make me popular, but it did make my interactions with people better and more productive. Maverick's tips seemed the most in line with what has worked for me. Your mileage may vary, but: What worked for me was taking it literally. Assume that you want real friends and real influence with real people.

1. Don't criticize others.

You usually don't need to jump down someone's throat when they screw up. For us especially, it's actually best if we don't, because our tempers are too quick. Sometimes you'll slip, or someone just needs correcting. Try to deal with the actual problem without damaging the person, if possible, and if not, well, figure they won't be your friend. It happens, but being diplomatic almost always pays off in the long run.

2. Sincere appreciation for others.

Sometimes someone will do something to impress / please you. Take a moment to say exactly why you are grateful, impressed, etc. Do this only when you can be *sincere* and your superior insight will shine. Eventually your rare but remarkable praise is something your real friends will cherish.

3. Think about what other people want - not what you want (and you will get what you want), 4. Take genuine interest in other people & 7. Be an attentive listener.

I don't bother with getting what I want from others, I'm better at doing it for myself. However, I took all the above together as "find out what any given person is *really* about." I sometimes just say "I hate small talk" and start asking people questions that actually matter. It's made my real friendships deeper and allows people to self sort for quality - The people you like end up being pretty amazing and for the ones you don't like you can usually direct elsewhere without a lot of drama. ("I can't help you with that, you should try X" actually makes you the good guy.)

5. Smile (probably the hardest one) & 6. Remember peoples names
Ugh. Hard.

8. There is no way to win an argument - the best thing you can do is avoid an argument / you can't win an argument.

True - Either they already agree, already disagree, or just don't know. If they agree, make something useful of it. They disagree? Arguing will just make that worse, even if you win they'll hate you for it. I try to understand where people are coming from just in case I'm mistaken (it happens), make my position clear if necessary, and move on asap. If they aren't sure, make a case in a minute or so and ask questions, and get out of the way so they can make up their own mind. (I learned this while going door to door asking for donations to a good cause, and also arguing with someone about whether we should break up. The second one .. REALLY dumb!)

9 & 10 - I didn't put those into practice, don't know if they are effective.

11 - Don't be defensive - (Was that in the book?)

[Antares]

1. Don't criticize others.
Don't let them hear you. Your head is the best place. If not, other people :D

2. Sincere appreciation for others.
I'm quite a good actress... It's hard to find people who's capable of making me sincerely appreciate them, but when the time comes, I will.

3. Think about what other people want - not what you want (and you will get what you want)
Yesyes. Best advice ever, although I always rope in what I want above what they want... Just manipulate it in the right way. Although it's fair to say that I don't need them to get what I want. I tend to trust myself so much more.

4. Take genuine interest in other people.
If they're genuinly interesting...

5. Smile (probably the hardest one)
Not really... I can smile when I feel like yelling.

6. Remember peoples names
Piece of cake.

7. Be an attentive listener.
Even when they're boring, I can always think of my favorite tunes to keep me entertained... And look like I'm listening.

8. There is no way to win an argument - the best thing you can do is avoid an argument / you can't win an argument.
Um. This is NOT true. The only people you can't argue against are the ignorant and those in denial.

9. Make yourself agreeable
Oldest trick in the book.

10. Always make the other person feel important.
That's not hard to do. Sucking up is quite easy actually.

11. Don't be defensive.
Yes. Be offensive. JKJK :D

[snoogit]

Dale Carnegie was the to the 1930s as Kevin Trudeau and Julie Ann Storr are to today.

[BadMojo]

Also, friends are not "won", they are earned and selected. :)