appreciation

[chocky]

Is there a 'best' way to show appreciation for an INTJ?

What works for you - how do you know when you are truly appreciated?

[Kfbr]

A simple 'good job' works for me, even in e-mail form. No need for lavish amounts of praise to feel appreciated because I know when I'm doing a damn fine job, a simple random reminder only helps reinforce.

In relationships, I feel appreciated when I get my space.

[xhaan]

I wouldn't know, because I haven't gotten it much... but usually it's a "thank you" or "good job" or "I really appreciate what you did", any of those will do, but I don't usually need them unless I'm seriously going out of my way or at my limits in doing something.

[jaykay]

Basically by telling me so, such as "well done" etc. However, this may be more or less significant to me. If that which you are giving me credit for is important to me, than your appreciation will be as well. On the other hand, if you show appreciation for something that I personally find insignificant, I would probably be rather neutral in response (unless switching gears to a more social mode, which just miiiight happen). So I guess this is the tricky part, i e not only the way appreciation is shown but also (and maybe even more important) regarding what and why. If you show appreciation for something which makes no sense to me, I might even view you as a bit pitiful and less credible due to lack of substance. Just to make this even more difficult - if I really like you (one of a few chosen), any kind of praise will be most welcome, overriding the other stuff just mentioned above.

Makes one think - which is the sorry bunch, the INTJs or the others?

:)

[Paul V]

An honest "thank you", and respect. That's pretty much it.

[BadMojo]

A simple "thank you" is good enough for me, no hugs and kisses... I hate that.

[chocky]

I figured praising an INTJ was a tricky endeavour, and that simple was best. And in most cases it is straightforward, the less fuss the better. Just sometimes it doesn't feel like enough to say merely thankyou or well done.

As jaykay notes, the what and why can be complicating. I'm wondering now more about when you have really stretched yourself - when what you are doing is difficult, stressful, continuous and even unpleasant at times, but truly momentous for the person you're helping?

Is there a graceful way for you to receive appreciation in difficult circumstances? xhaan, what does "at your limits" in doing for others mean to you, or to any INTJ for that matter?

(As I find constant personal indebtedness that I can't repay more than a bit uncomfortable..... help!)

[robin.]

Basically by telling me so, such as "well done" etc. However, this may be more or less significant to me. If that which you are giving me credit for is important to me, than your appreciation will be as well. On the other hand, if you show appreciation for something that I personally find insignificant, I would probably be rather neutral in response (unless switching gears to a more social mode, which just miiiight happen). So I guess this is the tricky part, i e not only the way appreciation is shown but also (and maybe even more important) regarding what and why. If you show appreciation for something which makes no sense to me, I might even view you as a bit pitiful and less credible due to lack of substance. Just to make this even more difficult - if I really like you (one of a few chosen), any kind of praise will be most welcome, overriding the other stuff just mentioned above.

Makes one think - which is the sorry bunch, the INTJs or the others?

:)I think that this is true for me as well. I am always pretty gracious/modest whenever someone gives me praise, but it certainly means more to me if it's something that I desire.

Someone once told me that I was one of the most focused girls he had ever met, and that meant a lot to me.

Likewise, I am trying to expand past my type and be more personable with people who are just my acquaintances. So, if they show appreciation for what I do for them, that means a lot to me as well because it's something that I'm actively working on.

I can still appreciate other kinds of praise, but obviously some kinds are more meaningful to me than others.

[Pinkie]

Just 'Well done' or 'Thanks' is enough for me. Effusive praise is just nauseating, and I'm not good enough at controlling my face so that people can't tell.

[edalz]

I like a sincere "thank you," or something like that, but I feel extremely uncomfortable if somebody makes a long, drawn out mess of it. If the person has adequate hygiene, and I don't hate them, then I would probably accept a brief hug or handshake.

[Pinkie]

^Yes, that's another thing. Some people insist on touching you to hammer the message that they're grateful home, and it just makes me cringe. We have such a beautiful language - I'd much rather they used that to thank me than got all touchy-feely.

Also, as a brief aside, your avatar makes me weep with happiness, edalz.

[Splittet]

This is a difficult one. Yesterday I thought about what generally impresses me, is what I can't do myself. So maybe something along the lines of "wow, I could never have done that myself!" would be cool, but I think that's maybe overdoing it. I would probably begin to make the argument in my head for why they could have done it. Appreciation for me is best appreciated when it's kind of surprising and not "demanded", because then it seems less sincere. Also it can be cool to be noticed when you feel nobody notices you. But yeah, I guess I generally don't like it when people go on and on, because then I find something to disagree with, so maybe a simple "thank you" is the safest way to go here. I would have more patience with people I am really close to though, they could go on and on. :P Generally I don't need much of this stuff though... I think I can sense when I am appreciated and when I am not.

[rwyatt365]

...a brief, sincere "thank you", or "I appreciate what you've done" is sufficient. Anything more borders on insincerity and showmanship.

[Vicimdhar]

For me, it's most important that that someone actually 'uses' what I've given him/her. That is what makes me feel appreciated. Additionally, one could show interest in what I've done. A simple 'thanks' is fine, but anything beyond that is annoying.

[Splittet]

For me, it's most important that that someone actually 'uses' what I've given him/her. That is what makes me feel appreciated.

Excellent point! I totally agree ... It's probably a Te thing, so you might see quite a big difference between INTJs and INTPs here.

[HarleyQuinn]

This is tough. Like others have mentioned, it really depends on the circumstances. If it's something that I feel like, "Anybody could've done this if they put in the effort," than I'll probably brush off any appreciation as unworthy and pointless reassurance. If it's a job that I've been asked to work on and it's clear to the person that it's taken me multiple days, etc. to put in the effort on the completed project (and it's a project that not any Joe Schmoe could do), a simple "Thanks" or "I appreciate what you've done" is great to hear.

[jaykay]

Read Jared Diamond's The Third Chimpanzee. The ideal number for groups of homo sapiens is apparently 150. We evolved as savannah primates in extended packs. Beyond that magical number, humans get f&*@ked up dealing with each other.

Oh? I'd say 1. Or 2. 3 is a crowd.

[richirare]

I appreciate a sincere "thanks", but the true rewards comes to me when I see whatever I've done objectively and working out, then I feel fulfilled.

[miaow]

As an INTJ i find it difficult to accept praise, well sometimes it feels good... sometimes it feels patronising even though the person didnt mean it in that way and is genuinely praising

[Learning]

Is there a 'best' way to show appreciation for an INTJ?

What works for you - how do you know when you are truly appreciated?
It kind of depends on who's showing the appreciation and how close we are. I don't mind a few details/specifics about how what I did was appreciated by someone close to me (expressing emotion is fine there, too). If it's someone I don't know well, being genuine & specific are enough. What makes each person "tick" in this area may vary...especially depending on the type of relationship (i.e.-romantic vs. coworker). Usually an aptly spoken word is great, and with someone I'm closer to...a thoughtful gesture is nice (especially if they know what I like).

[PortInStorm]

To accept praise, I need the praiser's admiration/respect (and I know if a person doesn't respect me, instinctively)... my thought process goes like this "since they don't really like or admire me, they don't really like or admire what I did, so they didn't really appreciate it." I equate what I do with who I am, so I don't understand why people don't respect me when I do things they profess as worthy or desirable.

Anyways, so
- they should be someone who likes OR respects me
- they could tell me how it made a difference to them. If no big difference, what did my actions matter?

[the natural]

I figured praising an INTJ was a tricky endeavour, and that simple was best. And in most cases it is straightforward, the less fuss the better. Just sometimes it doesn't feel like enough to say merely thankyou or well done.

As jaykay notes, the what and why can be complicating. I'm wondering now more about when you have really stretched yourself - when what you are doing is difficult, stressful, continuous and even unpleasant at times, but truly momentous for the person you're helping?

Is there a graceful way for you to receive appreciation in difficult circumstances? xhaan, what does "at your limits" in doing for others mean to you, or to any INTJ for that matter?

(As I find constant personal indebtedness that I can't repay more than a bit uncomfortable..... help!)


As an INTP you already understand INTJs well, you don't have to overthink it. A simple "good job" is fine maybe with an added "I couldn't have figured that out" if you want to make a point of it. Even under difficult circumstances for the INTJ, we don't need extraordinary praise. INTJ's are tougher on themselves than anyone around them, and the reward of getting it right is more important than what third parties think (though again INTP's are among those I'd think it worthwhile to impress as they are just as hard to impress as INTJ's).

[Caramel]

"Thank you, this is very usefull to me."

Be sincere. And don't ever slime cause then alarm bells go off.

[chocky]

"Thank you, this is very usefull to me."

Be sincere. And don't ever slime cause then alarm bells go off.

Oooh, no slime. Got it. (You have no idea the mental picture that prompted...)

I agree both INTPs and INTJs are generally rather unimpressed with praise. Those I know, myself included, have praise deflection shields at full power 24/7. Unless the giver of praise has my full admiration (and how hard is that?), then platitudes just bounce off.

Penetrate shield? Summary: Simple. Honest. Direct. Understated.

Content with that, still (as remote as the possibility is), I'm always interested to hear of any hidden soft spot I may have overlooked.

[Antares]

Penetrate shield? Summary: Simple. Honest. Direct. Understated.

I agree, but I would prefer if people would just come out and frankly say what I did well. To me, there's no need to understate it, but if they say it more than once... Haha. Shut down. I would usually like: Thanks. I really appreciate what you did for me.

My female friends would always go: OMG. Thank you!! I love you! And I would say to them: "No thanks. I'm straight." I don't really think much of hyperboles, even if that's how they really express their gratitude.

[Caramel]

Oooh, no slime. Got it. (You have no idea the mental picture that prompted...)


Hahaha do tell :D

You saw a green slimy tv monster?

Or someone leaking spit onto someone else? (yuck).

[ElstonGunn]

Is there a 'best' way to show appreciation for an INTJ?

What works for you - how do you know when you are truly appreciated?

The short answer would be "No, and I don't care."

The explanation to the answer is that I'd rather not be appreciated at all. For one thing, I get nothing out of it. My response is usually along the lines of, "Oh some guy thinks I did a good job. Ehh, maybe I did alright, but what does he care anyways? He's just saying that because he thinks that I thrive on appreciation attention like most of these other personally weak people around here." Appreciation from somebody else is value-less to me, and I don't like being the center of attention. So it's enduring a pain in the ass in order to get something that sucks. ...Sort of like waiting in line for six hours to buy Coldplay tickets.



I also tend to agree with Vicimdhar and richirare in that I'd rather see appreciation than hear it-- whether in the form of somebody using whatever I did or just by having the situation move smoothly. ...But only in an impersonal sense. I hate being touched or stared at.

[JTG]

I very very rarely care to be praised or thanked. Usually, doing something well is its own reward. I know when i nailed something, and that makes me feel good. Likewise, when i fail or fall short on something, the biggest criticism comes from within. In personal relationships, a thanks or show of appreciation is always welcome if i feel i deserve it. Personal relationships are, however, few and far between for me. I wouldn't even classify most of my friendships as personal relationships XD

On another note, i've always felt that "you're welcome" sounds terribly rude coming from my own mouth. I almost exclusively replace it with something else, usually "no problem" or something of the sort. I don't know why it's such a big deal to me.

[chocky]

Hahaha do tell :D

You saw a green slimy tv monster?

Or someone leaking spit onto someone else? (yuck).

Picture a greasy human gastropod with eyes on stalks, sliming along on their stomach and up your legs, torso and getting right in your face with far too familiar slimy appendages, dribbling words all the way "oooh I luuuv what you dooo....ur the besssst"

ew. :suspicious: Obsequious drivel.

The fact that INTJs don't need to be fawned over like so many other types is one of the things that makes them so tolerable.

I agree with the whole "you're welcome" comment. Saying something like that implies some kind of mutual thankfulness that you're inhabiting the same universe as the giver of gratitude. And mostly that's just not true. If I say a genuine thank you for something it is because I think the thing given to be of very real value, and in these circumstances I just want the other person to know that - to be able to separate the instance from the nauseating flood of slimy social control games.

(So many out there use praise as a means of control, as a means of buying into your personal real estate - and saying "you're welcome" seals the transaction - they forever feel they own an outpost in your soul, and that they have the right to personal offense if you change behaviour or attitude toward them.)

[Uytuun]

Simple, honest, direct, as other people have mentioned before. And I need to minimally respect the people that do the praising for it to have some kind of effect.

I despise slime and over-supportive/praisy people.

[gallihand]

If I say a genuine thank you for something it is because I think the thing given to be of very real value, and in these circumstances I just want the other person to know that - to be able to separate the instance from the nauseating flood of slimy social control games.

I rarely say a thank you I mean right away. Those are the BS ones that most people expect and some get peeved if you don't say them. Those who know me decently well know that if I'm truly thankful they won't hear about it for a few hours at least.

[Thistle]

Simple and straightforward. However, what matters most is who the appreciation comes from. It resonates most when it is directed from someone whom I respect and only then do I really accept the praise.