INFP/INTJ Attraction

[elsdfr]

Found this thread on an INFP forum. Its almost as interesting as hearing someone talk about you.

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[Paul V]

I like INFPs. They're so cute. They make me want to hold them and say "Hush, hush, everything's going to be ok."

The only INFP I know in real life is my grandmother. She really doesn't look her age. She's as active and playful as someone 20 years younger. And she's the family member with whom I get along the most (ENTJ aunt comes a close second).

[TeleportThis]

Awe, they are very cute. Currently dating one and it's going quite well.

[logos]

I've said this in another post somewhere here, but all I ever seem to attract or be attracted to are INFP types, as friends or more.

I think something about their personality type in general makes me feel necessary, which is something I need to feel in a relationship.

[DeepPurple]

My mom is an INFP and my dad is an INTJ. The closest thing that I have to a best friend is an INFP. OT, Is there a personality type that doesn't have their own forum?

[Cyrus]

Have. ENFP. they're too busy schmoozing the world. LOL. Kidding. ;D

I dont think there's an INFJ forum. I'm dating an INFJ. Couldn't find one. Let me know if you guys are aware of one?

[elsdfr]

I also looked for an ESFP one but only found a few threads, I guess its not all that surprising. If they are on the Internet they are usually on one of the social networks or fashion forums (in my experience anyway and yes they exist). They also seem to dislike any form of self analysis :confused:

[jjelovich]

As I was reading different MBTI sites descriptions of each type I found I liked the INFP, or found the INFP personality to be an "ideal" partner. I think Logos put it well, INFPs make me feel necessary and useful, which I also need in a relationship. But also INFPs tend to bring out the deep-seeded feeler in me. They have this way about them that makes me want to be good to them and go out of my way to treat them better than I do most people, which, again, is something I want to do in a relationship (exclusive love I suppose). It is not that they seem weaker or more fragile, they just have this genuine aura of compassion, tenderness, simplicity(in a good way), as well as a self awarness that many other types lack; all of which I find very attractive, sexy even.

[logos]

As I was reading different MBTI sites descriptions of each type I found I liked the INFP, or found the INFP personality to be an "ideal" partner. I think Logos put it well, INFPs make me feel necessary and useful, which I also need in a relationship. But also INFPs tend to bring out the deep-seeded feeler in me. They have this way about them that makes me want to be good to them and go out of my way to treat them better than I do most people, which, again, is something I want to do in a relationship (exclusive love I suppose). It is not that they seem weaker or more fragile, they just have this genuine aura of compassion, tenderness, simplicity(in a good way), as well as a self awarness that many other types lack; all of which I find very attractive, sexy even.

I feel exactly the same way.

Something about the INFP personality sparks the kindness and generosity in me that otherwise lays dormant; kindness and generosity that feel rewarding, as if I gain something rather than lose.

[Cyrus]

I find that I get along with xNFP in general. They have this strange ability to bring out my feeling side of without me feeling defensive or cautious. Maybe it's the way they are warm, genuine and accepting.

I also looked for an ESFP one but only found a few threads, I guess its not all that surprising. If they are on the Internet they are usually on one of the social networks or fashion forums (in my experience anyway and yes they exist). They also seem to dislike any form of self analysis

Yes, ESFx doesn't seem to appreciate anything that might cause them to look inside themselves to find out who they are. It puzzles and annoys the begeeberz out of me, mainly because I cannot fathom why someone would not want to change for the better when it's so clear. Do you think it's because they're just scared of who they really are inside?

[Marmalade]

I don't have much experience with INTJs and so I don't know about the potential for attraction. My dad is an ENTJ and my mom is an ISTJ. Between those two, I can surmise how I might relate to an INTJ in a close relationship.

I share a questioning intellectual nature with my dad, and an appreciation of philosophy and religion. This is probably a combination of shared Intuition and that each of our dominant functions is the aspirational of the other. My dad has developed some Fi with his age and I suspect his mother was INFP. I'm used to Te and I probably find it easier to relate to than strong Ti. I'm used to Ni, and even more comfortable with it than Te. I'm attracted to INFJs and so I'd guess I'd be attracted to Ni in INTJs also.

I have more of a connection to my mom. Her Fi is way more natural to her which is probably the central reason for this connection. Introversion in general puts us in a similar mindset. Her Te is in the parental role which makes it feel less aggressive than my dad's Te. This Te/Fi dynamic would be the same for an INTJ.

A big difference from INTJs is that my mom's dominant is my tertiary and vice versa. INFPs and INTJs, on the other hand, would have eachother's dominant function as a shadow function. I feel fairly comfortable with Ni, but I don't know how many INFPs would be comfortable with it on a regular basis.

Logos said:
"I think something about their personality type in general makes me feel necessary, which is something I need to feel in a relationship."

I'd guess this is your parental Te responding to an INFP's aspirational Te. Many INFPs could use someone with strong Te in their life. I know that I could.

Logos said:
"Something about the INFP personality sparks the kindness and generosity in me that otherwise lays dormant; kindness and generosity that feel rewarding, as if I gain something rather than lose."

And this probably is your tertiary Fi responding to an INFP's dominant Fi. The tertiary has the role of being child-like: innocent, playful, and creative. Berens calls it the relief role and works in tandem to support the secondary function.

[logos]

I'd guess this is your parental Te responding to an INFP's aspirational Te. Many INFPs could use someone with strong Te in their life. I know that I could.

...

And this probably is your tertiary Fi responding to an INFP's dominant Fi. The tertiary has the role of being child-like: innocent, playful, and creative. Berens calls it the relief role and works in tandem to support the secondary function.

This sounds pretty accurate and seems like grounds for a healthy, mutual relationship to me. I really don't get why they pair up E's and I's. I know a few different people of EN types that I like, but I need limited contact to be able to stand them. :P

[timewarpson]

Have. ENFP. they're too busy schmoozing the world. LOL. Kidding. ;D

I dont think there's an INFJ forum. I'm dating an INFJ. Couldn't find one. Let me know if you guys are aware of one?
Yahoo Groups has a fairly large and active INFJ group (list) that's been going since 2001. It's not as easy to navigate as this but there is a wealth of information to be mined there.

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[Marmalade]

This sounds pretty accurate and seems like grounds for a healthy, mutual relationship to me. I really don't get why they pair up E's and I's. I know a few different people of EN types that I like, but I need limited contact to be able to stand them. :P

Yep. I've dated Extraverts before and it didn't work out well. I'm just too Introverted to relate well with a strong Extravert. They're good because they can draw me out, but it just doesn't work in the long run.

[Vash Aurion]

Huh. I'm the guy who started the thread on said INFP forum. Anyway, I think a lot of the more introverted INTJs would go better with NFPs who are almost Es, but not quite. Same with the more introverted INFPs and almost extroverted INTJs.

I think most INTJs would agree that NFPs are incredibly attractive. Oddly enough, I find that most ENTJs I know prefer other Js.

[jjelovich]

Huh. I'm the guy who started the thread on said INFP forum. Anyway, I think a lot of the more introverted INTJs would go better with NFPs who are almost Es, but not quite. Same with the more introverted INFPs and almost extroverted INTJs.

I think most INTJs would agree that NFPs are incredibly attractive. Oddly enough, I find that most ENTJs I know prefer other Js.

Agreed. I would consider myself a more introverted "I" and, though I know I couldn't handle someone who was a strong E, I would deffinitly need someone who is "I" with tendencies towards "E"; someone who enjoys, even prefers, staying home or in a small group atmosphere but who also enjoys being out as well.

[anthrogirl]

Ha, this is funny, my husband is an INFP, so I guess we must be a good match. We can be in the same room for 2 hours and not say a word to each other (he's on his laptop, I'm on the PC, or reading), we don't do small talk, and don't feel the need to socialise alot. Our conversations consist of deep meaningfuls about politics, global state of affairs, and so forth. My F and T are very close together so I can do the feeling bit quite well. Where we clash though is that I am strongly J and he is strongly P so quite often I find his lack of drive and ambition, and non existant idea of planning hard to manage. I am strongly ambitious where he is quite dreamer like. Throw into that the fact we are from two different cultures and we have an interesting mix. Its almost I'm the male role and he is the female (even though he is manly), does that make sense?

[elsdfr]

Yes, ESFx doesn't seem to appreciate anything that might cause them to look inside themselves to find out who they are. It puzzles and annoys the begeeberz out of me, mainly because I cannot fathom why someone would not want to change for the better when it's so clear. Do you think it's because they're just scared of who they really are inside?

The one I know seems to jokingly think that everyone has a basic understanding on MBTI from birth. Getting them to admit they are scared of finding something out would be something else but I do agree with you to some extent. Their willingness to gloss over issues in order to keep the peace no doubt has its effects on them internally, although I don't know of any ESFJ's.

ESFx also have Nx and Tx as functions, just not primary ones like us. I guess they are lucky in that Se and Fi are more socially accepted and would only need to develop them IF they had to, say if they needed to for work or study? wild guess there.

Huh. I'm the guy who started the thread on said INFP forum.
Welcome! any ideas on how to spot and INFP?

[Vash Aurion]

Welcome! any ideas on how to spot and INFP?

They're sort of hard to spot, per se. I've only dated one INFP, and I couldn't stand her when I first met her. She was so... I guess the word is bubbly. Anyway, I would imagine you'd be able to tell when you at least met some sort of NFP since (at least in my case) the draw is pretty strong. There's also more to it than just what the MBTI says. Even though I quite like INFPs, having been on that INFP forum for so long, I would imagine that only some INFPs are what I would call "my type."

[Cyrus]

Vash Aurion
There's also more to it than just what the MBTI says.
Even though I quite like INFPs, having been on that INFP forum for so long, I would imagine that only some INFPs are what I would call "my type."

Actually, was thinking today while on the road, that the MBTI is helps to define the natural boundaries of a person's character in general.
Upbringing, and a whole buncha other factors determine what's within those boundaries. --> not all INFPs are to our liking. although as friends, we prob get along well in character.
IE: MBTI helps to define the boundary, it doesn't define what's inside, and is by no means confining either.

On Confining:
Was talking to a friend over dinner, she's a very successful entrepreneur. Has a masters in HR. She's ENTP, but she mentions that over her career, she found that she's moulded herself to fit into other personality types as the situation deems fit, in somewhat a modular approach. Sometimes, she's ESFx, other times, she's ISTJ, yet others, she's ENTJ. Food for thought... the base remains ENTP, but otherwise, the abilities can be 'switched on'.

Other Thoughts:
Reading previous posts, I sorta think that FP functions somehow bring out the softer side of INTJs.
There's something about them that makes me want to watch over them and make sure they're doing alright.

elsdfr
although I don't know of any ESFJ's.

Lucky chum. haha~ I know a few..there's one in particular I know, but her J is 1%. She's nice. No comment in the rest =)

[Aoiluna]

My best friend is an INFP, and I love her to death. She's quirky like me, and seems to have a great deal of empathy. I never have to worry about her judging me in any way.

As for an INFP as an ideal mate, i dont know if that would work for me. Im not sure if this is because im female or not, but the idea of an F (or at least a strong one) makes me think of my man being more emotional than I. I know that this is not always the case, but I want someone just as independent as I who I can engage with in intellectual discussions too. I actually remember telling my friend that I needed someone smart to talk intelligently with, but someone that I could make out with too. She thought that was funny, but i was being serious.

It would be beneficial to have an F as a partner however just because theyre more likely to engage in "talking about our feelings" discussions, which I suppose are important to a relationship.

The last F I dated, however, was an annoying drama queen that asked me what I was thinking at random times, and I would always reply with something that had nothing to do with him and he would be upset. He was most likely an ESFP though.

[Vash Aurion]

The last F I dated, however, was an annoying drama queen that asked me what I was thinking at random times, and I would always reply with something that had nothing to do with him and he would be upset. He was most likely an ESFP though.

Annoying drama queens are bad, but I tend to like the NF girls who ask me what I'm thinking, assuming they're doing it out of volition and not because they heard it was a good idea. You can tell when someone is just acting on advice.

[jnpl0011]

Aoiluna...

In my experience, NFs are just as capable of engaging in intellectual conversations as NTs. It just depends on the intelligence of the individual. I also know NTs who are complete idiots. And they can be as independent or more than any NT. Just because they are NFs doesn't mean they don't have this quality or that. :)

I have an ENFP friend... and he is one of the only people I can have intellectual conversations with. He is intelligent without thinking he is more intelligent than he actually is (which is a problem in graduate student circles).

[Femme de Homme INTJ]

I like INFPs. They're so cute. They make me want to hold them and say "Hush, hush, everything's going to be ok."

The only INFP I know in real life is my grandmother. She really doesn't look her age. She's as active and playful as someone 20 years younger. And she's the family member with whom I get along the most (ENTJ aunt comes a close second).

Maybe you want to hold them and say "Hush, hush, everything's going to be okay," but as an INTJ, it's more that likely that you would just try to reason with them instead, offering advice that you think the INFP doesn't already know or hasn't considered. lol. Stick with your first instinct, the action you said you want to do.

[shuzhenbai]

I think INFPs are really cute. But sometimes they can get a little over-sensitive and it can be draining to be around that much emotion all the time. :P

[Paul V]

Maybe you want to hold them and say "Hush, hush, everything's going to be okay," but as an INTJ, it's more that likely that you would just try to reason with them instead, offering advice that you think the INFP doesn't already know or hasn't considered. lol. Stick with your first instinct, the action you said you want to do.

Yay for instincts! INFP are really extraordinary. They seem so frail and sweet, and yet they endure everything life throws their way. But I have to agree, I do try to offer advice. But it's a pathetic attempt at best, like telling a gazelle to run if she sees a tiger comming at her. So I stick to attently listening to whatever they say.

[quixotic]

When I first took the MB personality test in high school, I was an INFP. Now that I'm older and a bit wiser, I am an INTJ. It's funny to look at myself and see how I've changed over time.

[shuzhenbai]

When I first took the MB personality test in high school, I was an INFP. Now that I'm older and a bit wiser, I am an INTJ. It's funny to look at myself and see how I've changed over time.

I have an INFP friend who used to test INTJ, but one day came out to be INFP. According to her, she was raised to think like an INTJ, but her core was INFP. She is very adept at understanding people's feelings, and she's actually an emotional person behind the logic and rationalization. Since INFPs and INTJs are like night and day, I wonder whether it was really possible for an INFP to take on an INTJ "coat" for so many years. Or perhaps there is an innate similarity between the two types that I have not thought of yet.

[jnpl0011]

I don't see a "night and day" difference between INTJ and INFP. I used to test as an INFP when I was in high school as well... and I still have a strong "INFP side". I wouldn't say I became older and wiser... I just changed out of necessity. I still have many characteristic INFP qualities, though.

[Uytuun]

I don't know about INFP, but I know an ENFP...he totally throws me. Very unusual.

[shuzhenbai]

My INFP friend throws me too. She just says stuff that I would never even have thought of. It's unnerving because sometimes she actually points out things that I've missed, but she doesn't use a logical process to arrive at her conclusions. Also, I often get the impression we're not really talking about the same subject. Lol.

[Aoiluna]

Aoiluna...

In my experience, NFs are just as capable of engaging in intellectual conversations as NTs. It just depends on the intelligence of the individual. I also know NTs who are complete idiots. And they can be as independent or more than any NT. Just because they are NFs doesn't mean they don't have this quality or that. :)


Oh I know! Im sorry I guess I got a little off topic on a little rant about how lacking in depth my SF ex was.

Actually, my best friend is an INFP and she's one of the smartest people I know. We fill in each other's holes and finish each other's sentences all the time. I love her to death, she is someone I can have in depth meaningful conversations with for hours, literally. Sorry for the misleading.

[Cyrus]

jnpl0011
I also know NTs who are complete idiots.
I did wonder about this. I noticed its usually strong "E" NT types. Think it might be the lack of reading and introspection + the NT tendency to rationalise --> annoying.

I assumed NT types would be hungry for know-how, but it's not the case.

I too hv found that xNFP types tend to get along w me v well. Though the ENFP i'm close to is a boarderline "I".

shuzhenbai
I wonder whether it was really possible for an INFP to take on an INTJ "coat" for so many years. Or perhaps there is an innate similarity between the two types that I have not thought of yet.

I recently found out that it's possible to 'train' yourself to fit into another type. Talking to a friend who holds a masters in HR. she noticed that the older more accomplished people tend to be able to switch away from their 'default' profile. Can be honed. Or more likely, must be, if we're to be a well rounded competent. =)

Ok, abit off topic. I think S types... some can be nice, but most of the time, they dont strike me as intellligent....more efficient than intelligent. they can do well in sch etc, but... the lack of ability to conceptualise somehow strikes me as unimpressive...
anyone feel the same?

[Paul V]

I did wonder about this. I noticed its usually strong "E" NT types. Think it might be the lack of reading and introspection + the NT tendency to rationalise --> annoying.

I assumed NT types would be hungry for know-how, but it's not the case.

I too hv found that xNFP types tend to get along w me v well. Though the ENFP i'm close to is a boarderline "I".



I recently found out that it's possible to 'train' yourself to fit into another type. Talking to a friend who holds a masters in HR. she noticed that the older more accomplished people tend to be able to switch away from their 'default' profile. Can be honed. Or more likely, must be, if we're to be a well rounded competent. =)

Ok, abit off topic. I think S types... some can be nice, but most of the time, they dont strike me as intellligent....more efficient than intelligent. they can do well in sch etc, but... the lack of ability to conceptualise somehow strikes me as unimpressive...
anyone feel the same?

It's more than possible to disguise yourself as a type. It's possible to change types. One isn't the same type from childhood, through adolescence and during your adulthood. I've done it myself, though my first change was reactional (from F to T), and the second was on purpose (from P to J).

[waterlily168]

What are some of the reasons that an INTJ might be attracted to an INFP?

[wotsamattaU]

What are some of the reasons that an INTJ might be attracted to an INFP?


My friend tells me we're connecting via our intuition and our Fi. We both require people to be genuine, to be real. We also share wordplay, humor, a striving for personal growth. The INTJ is the most Idealistic out of all the Rationals, and the INFP is an Idealist.

One strengths are the other's weaknesses, so you are able to round each other out. This will require an understanding and appreciation of each other's skills, not a mindset to change them.

I think it's also the attraction of sensing you are similar in very key ways...yet different. This spikes interest in one another. If your similarities continue to align (beliefs, values, interests) look out...it just could be the pairing of your lifetime.

[curiousjane]

I think it's also the attraction of sensing you are similar in very key ways...yet different. This spikes interest in one another.
Yes, this is a very good description of what happens. First of all, as Ns, there is an almost magical moment of "WOW--they GET it!" followed by an almost giddy journey to thoughts and ideas and possibilities and connections that you've wanted to talk to somebody about and it just happens. It's amazing.

And then, INFPs and INTJs are so alike in that we both ask questions about life. We want to know more. Whether the question is HOW or WHY, or WHAT ABOUT, we know that the other person is equally intrigued, if only in theory.

The INTJs I've known have liked me because I not only let them go on a mental journey of "what if" or "why", but joined them as best I was able.

I think you (generically speaking) are intrigued by us. We get to similar destinations by completely different modes of transportation. Our leaps of intution lead us on multi-dimensional journeys that may jump a few points here and there. In our prime, I think you enjoy watching those leaps and are usually pleasantly surprised by the outcome, even if it doesn't come quite as you would expect.

Also, there's something about an INFP that "feels out" who the real you is. Since we aren't happy unless we understand our own "real self" and are constantly re-evaluating our own beliefs and values and identity, we tend to do the same for other people as well. It's like we pick up on the inner signals (not to be confused with the outer ones) and when we find a vibration that resonates, we tune in. And then we KNOW. It's almost uncanny. It's when we can't tune in that we feel lost and nervous about someone. When an INTJ becomes the subject of this "feeling out" there are a few things that may happen: a) resistance ... walling us out ... putting up defenses, b) surprise and curiosity, leading to a friendship at the deepest levels, or c) complete bafflement and confusion, withdrawing because the sensation of being KNOWN is too much to handle.

[phoenix]

What are some of the reasons that an INTJ might be attracted to an INFP?

I am attracted to a particular INFP for many reasons already discussed (common outlook, similar humor, etc.). But primarily because he is the first person with whom I have ever been able to establish real, honest emotional intimacy.

Having read the thread on the INFP forum (trying to understand him better so I know what I'm getting into) I found myself agreeing fully with the concept that as an INTJ, my innermost emotional needs reflect those of an INFP, they just rarely get expressed. What I have discovered with him is that he alleviates the emotional insecurity I feel, that his presence makes me feel really loved. We INTJs are pretty confident in most areas, but for me, actually KNOWING I am loved is a very difficult need to fill.

Whether or not I will be able to provide for his emotional needs still remains to be seen. I hope so. I don't want to lose this...

[Vagrant]

Speaking about the INFP I am currently dating...

1) We get along well because we both can discuss things in a deeper level (that intuition function).
2) I find her quirkiness and almost child-like bearing on some things absurdly cute and attractive. At the same time, I know she is also a full-grown adult.
3) She's actually been really straightforward with me, which is wonderful because almost all girls I've dated before, or tried dating have given me the run-around, or not told me what's actually going on, which is intensely irritating.
4) In some ways, she reminds me of my ENFP best friend, but still very different. That I can be my screwball self without reprimand around her is wonderful -- it's something I very rarely get to do.

[curiousjane]

Speaking about the INFP I am currently dating...

1) We get along well because we both can discuss things in a deeper level (that intuition function).
Oh, yes, this is true with me and my INTJ.

2) I find her quirkiness and almost child-like bearing on some things absurdly cute and attractive. At the same time, I know she is also a full-grown adult.
Haha! YES! I hope this doesn't get old ... because I can be insanely quirky and have child-like enthusiasm for the oddest combination of things. I will, in fact, make you stop and smell the roses. Or see the display in the toy store window. Or try on hats in a department store. Or pull you out to dance in the rain if it is warm.

This is one of the positives about INFPs. Everyone gets so focused on the negatives (sensitive, etc.) but get an INFP happy and secure and inspired and you will have your own personal ray of sunshine bottled up in a sparkly jar.

3) She's actually been really straightforward with me, which is wonderful because almost all girls I've dated before, or tried dating have given me the run-around, or not told me what's actually going on, which is intensely irritating.
Yep, yep. And really, who wouldn't want this? I was straight-up honest with my guy about some initial confusions once we started being interested in each other. And he was just as honest with me. It took care of a lot of unnecessary worrying/wondering on both of our parts. I mean ... it doesn't get a whole lot more direct than "hey ... I'm flirting with you!" :laugh: or "hey ... this concerns me because ..." :thinking:

4) In some ways, she reminds me of my ENFP best friend, but still very different. That I can be my screwball self without reprimand around her is wonderful -- it's something I very rarely get to do.
And here is the number one positive trait of INFPs (toot, toot!) ... we let you be you. No ifs, ands, or buts. We prefer you without any kind of mask or persona. Just be yourself. 'Cause we are ... if you let us be.

It's interesting to me how you describe your relationship with this girl really sounds quite familiar. The post I've been quoting could accurately describe my relationship with an INTJ. It's been wonderful!

Sounds like you have the beginnings of a good relationship with this INFP of yours, Vagrant. Stay honest with her, enjoy that quirkiness (and encourage it ... trust me ... this will make her probably happier than anything else), be gentle with confrontation and conflict (but do not avoid it ... just get it out of the way so it doesn't have time to boil), and help her feel safe to be the weird oddball she probably feels she is (and happens to LIKE being).

I wish you the best, and keep us posted!

[An Ho]

I'm having a crush on a INFP girl too, she is smart, funny and beautiful. But I still don't know how to tell her what and how I feel about her.

[elsdfr]

I sometimes wonder what I might be if it wasn't for me testing as an INTJ. I guess it would be an INFP as I sometimes wish it was ENTP but it's not so. I think I might be attracted to myself.

[Hatsumomo1]

I've had bad experiences with the xNFP type, but perhaps I'm just unlucky.

MBTI, astrology, what ever other kind of compatibility thing you can come up with, said that my ex and I are extremely compatible. Hahaha...