2 Soulmates: Do you make out with one or both?

[intjdude]

Lets say that you found 2 of your soulmates (an aberration from the idea that there's only one) at the same exact time (weird huh?). Essentially, they are 2 super fantastic people, and there's no way you'd find anyone else that comes even close to these two in your lifetime. You don't know how you know they are your soulmates, you just know that you do.

What would you do? And why?

- Would you try to convince both into a 3-way relationship? If so and they refused, would you cheat?
- Would you just pick one? How would you select one? If you pick one and then break up for whatever reason, would you try the other?
- Other ideas?

[Jinxu]

What would you do? And why?

- Would you try to convince both into a 3-way relationship? If so and they refused, would you cheat?
- Would you just pick one? How would you select one? If you pick one and then break up for whatever reason, would you try the other?
- Other ideas?


The correct answer is you flip a coin.

[Latro]

Most likely if they were so perfect they would be perfect in different ways. I'd have to be forward with both of them about the strange details of my situation, get to know each in as little of a sexual way as possible, and then make a decision on what I wanted to do, and be forward with both of them about the decision I made. Most likely I would stick to one, however.

[Vagrant]

I think what would be an interesting litmus test is seeing how they interact with each other. That way you could gauge which might be a better catch.

[Lolie]

I'd definitely be honest all around. And I suspect that if both were willing to deal with a "no promises, let's just see what happens" situation, then over time one of the relationships would become more important to me than the other. FWIW, I believe there are many people out there with whom each of us could be happy - we just usually only meet a very small fraction of those people in our lifetimes.

[dalidaisy]

I would think that if both were my "soul-mate", they would indeed be each other's "soul-mate" as well, so I would opt for the threesome. I've had something similar in the past & it was quite an enriching experience (although I wouldn't say we were particularly "soul-mates").

If I suggested a poly relationship & they refused, well, they aren't my "soul-mate", then, are they? Also, why would my "soul-mate" & I ever break up? How would I go on? And, I doubt I would ask one "soul-mate" to wait while I spent my time with another. That should be proof, again, that we aren't truly "soul-mates".

Other ideas? Live a tortured existence knowing that your "soul-mates" are out there, but that you are powerless to choose between them & become a matyr for love...

[WaeV]

I've always been monogamous, only ever having one crush at a time (barring complex circumstances). I don't see how a three-way relationship could work at all.

[dalidaisy]

I've always been monogamous, only ever having one crush at a time (barring complex circumstances). I don't see how a three-way relationship could work at all.

I don't see why it couldn't. But, then, I don't subscribe to society's norms. I follow my own path, down whatever road it may take me. Sure, I have my preferences, but I am open to explore all opportunities presented to me if they fit into a logical context. My question is rarely "why?" & usually "why not?"

[Lolie]

I've always been monogamous, only ever having one crush at a time (barring complex circumstances). I don't see how a three-way relationship could work at all.

I remember thinking something similar when I had only one child - I could not imagine how I could love another little person as much or how having another child would not in some way compromise or diminish my love for him. As parents all over the world will attest, love is an expansive rather than a limiting thing.

Polyamoury is not my particular thing (probably because it's decades since I've been equally emotionally and sexually attracted to two people at the same time), but its works as just as well for some people as monogamy works for others. From what I've seen, it's not the "easy" option some people think - it takes a great deal more open communication than monogamy.

[JustMel]

I don't see why it couldn't. But, then, I don't subscribe to society's norms. I follow my own path, down whatever road it may take me. Sure, I have my preferences, but I am open to explore all opportunities presented to me if they fit into a logical context. My question is rarely "why?" & usually "why not?"

I admit I don't understand poly relationships though I do know people who have been in them. I know that a relationship is hard enough with two people--how the hell do you do it with 3 or more? I couldn't do it. I could juggle two fuck buddies at once. I wouldn't juggle two serious relationships at once nor allow there to be a poly setting. I suppose my reasoning for that would be it's hard to expect someone to be faithful when you're essentially not being faithful. If you're in a poly relationship say one man and two women and one of the women meets someone else she wants to be with also does it then have to become a 4 way relationship? Do you see my thought process there?

I don't begrudge anyone anything including the type of relationship they choose but I think a poly relationship would be difficult.

In the OPs case he needs to talk to them both and explain the situation and determine where to go from there. It doesn't just include his life but two others as well and they should have input as well.

[dalidaisy]

I remember thinking something similar when I had only one child - I could not imagine how I could love another little person as much or how having another child would not in some way compromise or diminish my love for him. As parents all over the world will attest, love is an expansive rather than a limiting thing.

Polyamoury is not my particular thing (probably because it's decades since I've been equally emotionally and sexually attracted to two people at the same time), but its works as just as well for some people as monogamy works for others. From what I've seen, it's not the "easy" option some people think - it takes a great deal more open communication than monogamy.

It's definitely about communication, as is any relationship. The child analogy is good, although a bit different. However, from my experience, there are many different types of love & it is possible to love more than one person at a time in your own special way.

I admit I don't understand poly relationships though I do know people who have been in them. I know that a relationship is hard enough with two people--how the hell do you do it with 3 or more? I couldn't do it. I could juggle two fuck buddies at once. I wouldn't juggle two serious relationships at once nor allow there to be a poly setting. I suppose my reasoning for that would be it's hard to expect someone to be faithful when you're essentially not being faithful. If you're in a poly relationship say one man and two women and one of the women meets someone else she wants to be with also does it then have to become a 4 way relationship? Do you see my thought process there?

I don't begrudge anyone anything including the type of relationship they choose but I think a poly relationship would be difficult.

Most relationships as difficult from what I've seen. The whole faithful thing is a wash with me. If you are in a relationship with anyone (not necessarily multiple partners) & they find someone else, is it not still a similar situation? If it's just the two of you & your partner meets someone else, do you make it a threesome? Just because you are open to polyamory does not mean that you throw your love around easily or have a "the more, the better" attitude. I think people misunderstand the concept. It's more about not limiting yourself. Plus, it's not all about sex, as many people like to believe. It's about meeting each other's needs.

Have you never had friendships where sometimes three was better than two? Where there were a group of friends that just meshed so well together that they were inseperable? It's a similar thing...

[LaoTzu]

- Other ideas?

Don't choose.

[PeterIMC]

getting that close to 2 people? That never happened and I doubt it will ever happen. Just 1 (my wife) is more than enough.

[JustMel]

The Have you never had friendships where sometimes three was better than two? Where there were a group of friends that just meshed so well together that they were inseperable? It's a similar thing...

No. I have multiple friends but I don't often get them all together at one time. I like them all for different reasons and most of them don't like one another anyway.

[Lolie]

No. I have multiple friends but I don't often get them all together at one time. I like them all for different reasons and most of them don't like one another anyway.

My social network's a bit like that too. I tend to catch up with my friends one or two at a time and prefer it that way. The conversations are a lot less superficial with fewer people and I don't have to worry about conflict between people whose only thing in common is me.

[dalidaisy]

No. I have multiple friends but I don't often get them all together at one time. I like them all for different reasons and most of them don't like one another anyway.

Hmmm... I understand why the concept would be hard for you to imagine. I think it's fine to have preferences (& consequently, I prefer monogamy), but I never knock a thing until I try it.

With my situation, it was a cooperative effort of three people who found each other's company fulfilling. We each had something to offer the others. Where someone was lacking, another made up. There was no jealousy & no limits placed on the relationship, save for informing the others if one of the group slept with someone outside of the group. This wasn't an issue, except it would be for the fact of putting lives at risk & we all respected that (not that we slept around, but it was an agreement we made). It was one of the best relationships I've ever had & I have the fondest memories from that time. The ability to share is an amazing gift that few people have to offer.

[WaeV]

So the three people sleep together simultaneously? At different intervals? That also seems strange to me.

This reminds me of a special I watched on communes in the US. Groups of people would share everything - including partners. There was one shelter for all the children and one shelter for all the adults.

[dalidaisy]

So the three people sleep together simultaneously? At different intervals? That also seems strange to me.

I'm assuming by "sleep together", you mean have sex? Sure, together, seperately, not at all, depending on the situation & the mood. Why not? Sex with multiple partners may sound crazy to some, but it's actually not that rare, even outside of poly relationships. The thing is, in a polyamorous relationship, there is commitment, trust, respect & communication, same as most monogamous relationships. This creates an element of safety that can deepen the feelings of those involved, just like with monogamy. Is it really that hard to fathom?

[karenk]

I've always been monogamous, only ever having one crush at a time (barring complex circumstances). I don't see how a three-way relationship could work at all.

I've never even had more than one crush at a time. One takes all my attention at a time. I see how polyamorous relationships could work for other personality types. I don't think I relate to those types in other ways too. It's a big picture of traits. Now if I was in the OP's situation I would think that neither was my soul mate after all-since neither drew me more than the other one.

[ranwayslo]

A threesome is like driving a corvette with two engines. Not really sure what the second engine is for but it is fun to rev it and listen to the noise.

[WaeV]

Is it really that hard to fathom?
I can see the sense in what you're saying about how it could work. The difficult part is trying to relate, to imagine myself in that position. I'm about 90% straight, I guess, and it would be very odd to share a woman with another man. Since I can't imagine that scenario, having two woman partners is near equally inconceivable for me.

[dalidaisy]

I can see the sense in what you're saying about how it could work. The difficult part is trying to relate, to imagine myself in that position. I'm about 90% straight, I guess, and it would be very odd to share a woman with another man. Since I can't imagine that scenario, having two woman partners is near equally inconceivable for me.

I was completely straight until my first experience with a woman. Then I realized that although I prefer men, women also had something to offer, so they cannot be discounted. However, my poly relationship was with 2 men. They were not gay. They were best friends & very open-minded. We all explored together & found the experience fulfilling. I do not think that you should go into things such as this with black & white views of sexuality & relatonships. Open-minded, unbiased & grey area thinking is probably best suited for this type of situation...

[WaeV]

I try. :)

What you just said has made it easier to imagine.

[Freedom Geek]

I'd go for both, the idea of two being better than one aside if one dies I have another one without the possibility of them having moved on.

[Stratego]

Hmmm...

I don't actually believe in the idea of a soulmate, but at the same time, can appreciate it and feel a smidgen of...(pausing to find the right word)...envy towards those that feel like that about someone.

So given my skepticism and perhaps (mild) cynicism on the idea of soulmates, I have to say that if I were so lucky to meet two such individuals, if that's what I truly knew them to be, then I would go for both. If it were possibe to work it out as an open relationship between three people than I would go for it, absolutely.

[Feral]

I think we all have multiple soul mates. And just because someone is your soul mate doesn't necessarily mean that you'll have a happy or lasting relationship.

[LPM]

Lets say that you found 2 of your soulmates (an aberration from the idea that there's only one) at the same exact time (weird huh?). Essentially, they are 2 super fantastic people, and there's no way you'd find anyone else that comes even close to these two in your lifetime. You don't know how you know they are your soulmates, you just know that you do.

What would you do? And why?

- Would you try to convince both into a 3-way relationship? If so and they refused, would you cheat?
- Would you just pick one? How would you select one? If you pick one and then break up for whatever reason, would you try the other?
- Other ideas?

Choose both, but don't let them find out about each other.

[Seriously]

I don't believe in soul mates. I believe that you are better with some people than others. That said if they were both perfect matches for me than we would be able to sit down and figure out a solution that suited all of us. My soul mates would be nothing if not reasonable.

[Henry]

- Would you try to convince both into a 3-way relationship? If so and they refused, would you cheat?
- Would you just pick one? How would you select one? If you pick one and then break up for whatever reason, would you try the other?
- Other ideas?

No, even if they went for it (extremely unlikely), the sex wouldn't be worth all the drama
Yes. Pick the one you like more. If you like both equally, pick the younger one.
No.

[Prunesquallor]

Maybe talk to them, get their input before making that decision? Ya think? See how much of the attraction is mutual, see if they like each other, and how, etc....I couldn't make a real decision without a lot more information than given in this scenario.

[Shinqui]

Two soulmates? That’s a difficult one to fathom, after all, how hard is it to find one? However, if they we’re indeed my soulmates, then they should complement each other quite well and of course they would be pretty open and tolerant people. We’d just have an open discourse about the whole thing and probably move into something polyamorous.

Everyone seems to think that polyamorous relationships are harder, am I the only one that thinks it might be easier?

Soulmate 1: Where’s Shinqui?
Soulmate 2: He’s in his study again, hasn’t been out in a couple days.
Soulmate 1: OK, wanna have sex?

Perfect, the INTJ tendency for solitude hurts no one…..

[punkyplatypus]

- Would you try to convince both into a 3-way relationship? If so and they refused, would you cheat?
I would not suggest a 3-way relationship. Even if they are my soulmates, I'm sure they'll eventually get on my nerves. No need to double the annoyances. And even if there was a promise of no annoyances, my ideal relationship is monogamous. Sexual fantasies are a different story.


- Would you just pick one? How would you select one? If you pick one and then break up for whatever reason, would you try the other?
I would pick one by flipping a coin and choosing whoever was assigned to the side facing up. Considering that they're both my soulmates, they should both be equally satisfying choices and so it doesn't matter which I choose. If the relationship ended with the first one and it seemed there was no way to mend the situation, I'd only move on to the second one if I hadn't had children with the first one.

- Other ideas?
For my ideal soulmate I'd be her soulmate also and we'd be all each other need in a lasting romantic relationship. However, the idea of there not only being a soumate out there but there being two soulmates ruins the ideal for me. If I have two soulmates, who's to say that they don't. Could I be discarded and just as easily as it seems I can discard them? And if they don't have two soulmates like me, by choosing one am I banishing the other to a life of unhappy relationships and/or loneliness? Then there's the idea that if the ignored soulmate realized I was her soulmate, then she might stalk me and possibly put my and/or my other soulmate's life in danger. :stunned:

[uncon]

I can see the sense in what you're saying about how it could work. The difficult part is trying to relate, to imagine myself in that position. I'm about 90% straight, I guess, and it would be very odd to share a woman with another man. Since I can't imagine that scenario, having two woman partners is near equally inconceivable for me.

Polyamory seems like it could, in theory, work but for the vast majority of people it won't (the poll results seem also to indicate this). I think the reason why is primarily jealousy. You can't philosophize yourself out of jealousy. The second reason is biology. Now, I admit I look at things from an anthropologist's tree house but I've never read of a hunter-gatherer group that practiced polyamory. Humans, in general, tend to pair off and at least do serial monogamy and I think this is primarily for the emotional/physical stability of the household for child raising. Maybe polyamory is an attempt to tribalize the nuclear family which puts too much pressure on 2 people to raise children. In the tribal environment at least 50 people know who you are and care (with varying levels) about your welfare. Interestingly enough, 50-150 (avg. tribe size) is about the most people you can know and the size in which groups start to fall apart and start requiring heirarchical (unequal) divisions.

Anyway, that's not to say it couldn't work for a minority of the population or that anyone has any say in what consenting adults do anyway. Although I did hear a story a few years back where a polyamrous woman - one woman, two guys cohabitating - had her children taken away after being spotlighted on a documentary about it. I suppose I could see their point. Oedipal/Elektra conflicts are difficult enough without adding another person in the mix but the children are probably better off with at least their biological mother than in foster care no matter how healthy we judge these things.

Besides, jealousy is the trump card for myself and most other people anyway. Regarding parental love of children - sure, you love them equally at the core but you probably have a favorite. It's just human nature and nothing to be ashamed about. Equal exact love is an ideal but you can't live an ideal. Out of kindness this is obviously best not spoken about with them around b/c it actually doesn't even matter b/c it shouldn't affect how you treat them with regard to raising them but we all know who the favs are in the family.

Last thing I wanna be, is a 5th wife of 7. Just reminds me of those isolated religious compounds in America and other unpleasantness associated with such a life.

Brilliant - polyamory is just polygamy for liberals - polygamy for the intelligent! :laugh:

[Maayan]

Maybe talk to them, get their input before making that decision? Ya think? See how much of the attraction is mutual, see if they like each other, and how, etc....I couldn't make a real decision without a lot more information than given in this scenario.

According to our friend T***, there's an underlying mathematical truth at work. If everyone has not 2, but 3 soulmates, then everyone can get married. Playing by her rules, I'd seek out relationships with all three but make out with them one at a time.

"Actually the 3 part does not really matter --- if everyone had k lovers, k being a nonzero positive integer, this works, but for k=1 it is pretty obvious: everyone has a lover, and marries her/him, the cool thing is its applicability to any integer (I was tempted to put 23 lovers, but even I can't keep track of such a number). However, there are conditions:
1) Each of your three lovers has three lovers of his own, only one of whom is you. You can't be jealous.
2) This is hetero only; no same-sex relationships permissible by the theorem
3) No divorce, you marry only once and for life.
4) Everyone has it exactly the same; doing your part to influence the masses by getting more lovers of your own won't do much good.
5) And most importantly...
You gotta be a vertex in a k-regular bipartite graph.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts."

[Cocoa]

I don't believe in soulmates.
Therefore if both of these people are fantastic, I'd see which ones works the best as my partner. We're INTJs afterall! Our question in like is "does it work?" ...:) This is the very question I'd apply to both combos.

I'm not against a polyamorous relationships per se, but I believe with the society the way that it is... and the way we are socialized and also how power structures function... I don't think it would be preferable. Last thing I wanna be, is a 5th wife of 7. Just reminds me of those isolated religious compounds in America and other unpleasantness associated with such a life.

[Seriously]

A polyamorous relationship is difficult because emotions are involved and they are tricky little beasts. I was in an open relationship once and didn't have a problem with it because my emotions are controlled but other people can't always control how they will feel and that is where it gets messy.

[Feral]

If it came down to it, I don't think I'd be too turned off by polyamory. I could deal with having 2 or 3 husbands, as long as there's another wife or two to help deal with them!

[dalidaisy]

Besides, jealousy is the trump card for myself and most other people anyway. Regarding parental love of children - sure, you love them equally at the core but you probably have a favorite. It's just human nature and nothing to be ashamed about. Equal exact love is an ideal but you can't live an ideal. Out of kindness this is obviously best not spoken about with them around b/c it actually doesn't even matter b/c it shouldn't affect how you treat them with regard to raising them but we all know who the favs are in the family.

I honestly do not have a favorite child. I love my children differently, for varying reasons. They are unique individuals, and both are very easy to love. I could not choose one over the other. Of course, some days I do prefer one to the other, depending on their actions. But, on the whole, I consider them equally deserving of my love & attention.

My polyamorous experience was somewhat similar in that there was no favorite. Each of the men I was with were unique & they provided different things that I needed or wanted. One was quiet & shy & very easy to talk to, while the other was spontaneous, outgoing & fun. I'm a little of a combination of both (while still missing some parts, which is what they needed each other for), so it was a balance, for everyone. I think that if they were exactly alike, it would not have worked. But, one was like the strawberry & the other was like the chocolate. Seperately, they were delicious, but together, well, they were perfect...

[JustMel]

I think we all have multiple soul mates. And just because someone is your soul mate doesn't necessarily mean that you'll have a happy or lasting relationship.

True. I tend to tell people that it isn't wasted time if you learned something. We change and evolve so our soulmate will too over time until you finally figure out who you are. The person you are and want at 18 vastly differs from the person you are and want at 35. If you find your soulmate at 18 and stay with them you have the potential to grow and change together but if you don't then normally the person who is right for you at 18 isn't the same person you who is right for you at 35 because we tend to grow and experience different things and not being together chances that you'd grow in the same ways and still be what the other wanted all those years later is slim.

Choose both, but don't let them find out about each other.

Not good advice. This is how people get killed and end up on an episode of Snapped.

If it came down to it, I don't think I'd be too turned off by polyamory. I could deal with having 2 or 3 husbands, as long as there's another wife or two to help deal with them!

I think that would be worse---having to deal with other females too. Ugh. INTJf is the only place I've found females I can deal with and not want to slap them silly with 2 exceptions. I can't deal with any female other than my daughter's daily without wanting to beat them over the head with a hammer and end up on an episode of the aforementioned show.

[dalidaisy]

I think that would be worse---having to deal with other females too. Ugh. INTJf is the only place I've found females I can deal with and not want to slap them silly with 2 exceptions. I can't deal with any female other than my daughter's daily without wanting to beat them over the head with a hammer and end up on an episode of the aforementioned show.

I agree with the other women part. She would have to be one special individual if she was in a relationship with me. Women, although highly attractive & sensual, usually lose all my respect once they open their mouth. But, I suppose my female soul mate would be similar to me & hence quite tolerable. Finding a man that could deal with two of me would be the hard part, I imagine...

[Feral]

I think that would be worse---having to deal with other females too. Ugh. INTJf is the only place I've found females I can deal with and not want to slap them silly with 2 exceptions. I can't deal with any female other than my daughter's daily without wanting to beat them over the head with a hammer and end up on an episode of the aforementioned show.

Agreed. I don't typically get along with women.
But I figure that if we're being idealists here, why not imagine women I don't want to choke?

[uncon]

I honestly do not have a favorite child. I love my children differently, for varying reasons. They are unique individuals, and both are very easy to love. I could not choose one over the other. Of course, some days I do prefer one to the other, depending on their actions. But, on the whole, I consider them equally deserving of my love & attention.



Yes, that's why although most people have a favorite it actually doesn't matter who that favorite is with regard to treatment. "equally deserving" is a good phrase. Sophie's choice (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.'s_Choice_(film)) was about this dilemma. Now that film is pure melodrama but maybe it serves a larger purpose of relieving women's guilt over favoring one, in general, over the other based on compatibility.

My point wasn't that all people have a preference although I think the vast majority do - it was that someone shouldn't feel guilty if they do have this preference b/c preference isn't the same as love most people don't love equally in the sense of preference. My mother has a favorite among my siblings (it's pretty obvious) but once you can see your mother as a human being you can maybe get over that crushing realization (if it's not you). Sometimes you grow and realize that you probably wouldn't even like your mother if she didn't give birth to you but that's why it's "honor your parents". Give them their due but there's no guarantee that you'd choose them as friends so you're under no obligation to be gaga over them - the same holds true for your children.

Also, my point about polyamory is that you're not doing it b/c it's rational. For successful polyamory it's still an irrational undertaking as with all love matters. You didn't realize it was rational and then did it - you followed your heart and that happened to be rational for you. My advice is not to live your ideals b/c their idealized forms, not reality. If it works, do it. If you think it should work b/c it "makes sense" but you find yourself in a jealous rage then what "makes sense" will have to be put aside for what your heart wants b/c it can't be reasoned with. I've learned over time that theory is best formulated in retrospect.

[dalidaisy]

Yes, that's why although most people have a favorite it actually doesn't matter who that favorite is with regard to treatment. "equally deserving" is a good phrase. Sophie's choice (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.'s_Choice_(film)) was about this dilemma. Now that film is pure melodrama but maybe it serves a larger purpose of relieving women's guilt over favoring one, in general, over the other based on compatibility.

My point wasn't that all people have a preference although I think the vast majority do - it was that someone shouldn't feel guilty if they do have this preference b/c preference isn't the same as love most people don't love equally in the sense of preference. My mother has a favorite among my siblings (it's pretty obvious) but once you can see your mother as a human being you can maybe get over that crushing realization (if it's not you). Sometimes you grow and realize that you probably wouldn't even like your mother if she didn't give birth to you but that's why it's "honor your parents". Give them their due but there's no guarantee that you'd choose them as friends so you're under no obligation to be gaga over them - the same holds true for your children.

I understand what you are saying & I agree, to an extent. But, I am not a person who feels a lot of guilt. I do not NOT favor one of my children over the other because of guilt, I just really don't have a favorite. But, then, I really don't do favorites much anyway because I like so many things.

I do know that I was not my mother's favorite & really don't like my mother at all anyway, so it's not a big deal. I know I have no obligation to do anything more than be responsible for my offspring, but, fortunately for me, my influence on my children has made them quite tolerable to me & I do actually love them both, in my own unique little way.

Also, my point about polyamory is that you're not doing it b/c it's rational. For successful polyamory it's still an irrational undertaking as with all love matters. You didn't realize it was rational and then did it - you followed your heart and that happened to be rational for you. My advice is not to live your ideals b/c their idealized forms, not reality. If it works, do it. If you think it should work b/c it "makes sense" but you find yourself in a jealous rage then what "makes sense" will have to be put aside for what your heart wants b/c it can't be reasoned with. I've learned over time that theory is best formulated in retrospect.


For sure. I agree. And, I am not looking for a polyamorous relationship. I am just not closing the door on it, as I don't close the door on much unless I have found it to be negative, in retrospect.

[schwartzie]

I just wanted to say, Dali, that your contribution here has been thoughtful and generous, and is appreciated. From a viewpoint colored by your story, I can easily see how polyamory could be attractive because it would be, necessarily, premised on openness, honesty and support among the partners.

[intjdude]

I think we all have multiple soul mates. And just because someone is your soul mate doesn't necessarily mean that you'll have a happy or lasting relationship.

I don't see how this is possible if you base it on the popular view. The whole premise of a 'soulmate' (by majority of followers) seems to be built on 'finding the one' so I don't see how there could be more than one behind this concept (except with an aberration). I have yet to hear someone say "I'm in search of one of my soulmates". It's usually something like "I'm looking for my soulmate". Because if there's more than one soulmate, it technically destroys the romantic concept of there's being 'only one'.

As a few have suggested, if you choose one then the 3rd will live a soulmate-less life. The scenario puts you in a position of choosing between social norms and an ethical dilemma in a way. Because of this, I'd have to choose 'both' to be fair to the 3rd. I'd consider this reasonable and objective. At least if it doesn't work then I could cite some tangible reasons.

[music221]

If you have two soul mates then you should be able to have both. Maybe it seems greedy, but I think there would more to give and receive in a relationship having multiple partners. Although it could get complicated, I don't know of relationship that isn't at times.

[boldbidder]

Simple really:

-Who has a higher IQ?
-Who is generally more open-minded?
-Who has the quicker wit?

*Tie-breaker, who has the better ass to waist ratio

;)

[Zsych]

Depends on how far along you are with both of them, whether they see you as soul-mate material, whether they get along well together, etc.

Also, you can have close friends that you don't have sex with, so you don't necessarily have to lose one of them, if you're monogamy oriented, and they don't get along well enough to want to have a three way relationship.