Do You Experience Attraction Rushes/"Heat"? (Split Thread)

[intjdude]

MOD EDIT: This was Split From "How do you (female) know if your INTJ male is sexually attracted to you? (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)" The conversation is about rushes of attraction, referred to as HEAT by some posters involved (No, I don't know why it's capitalized.)


He gets into your personal space repeatedly, into the Intimate Zone
Behaviors inappropriate to social conduct (very intimate)
Forgets other people are in the room - does not rein himself in - locked in on you
Attempts to establish rapport and get in sync with you
Extreme behavior change - peers flabbergasted to note how he is when with you
Seems delighted by you and finds you fascinating
Thinks he's being sly but is as obvious as they come
Blushes, stammers or otherwise becomes flustered in your presence
Undresses you with those eyes (usually on the sly, but quite noticeable all the same)
Gives off intense HEAT
You suddenly feel like a gazelle separated from the herd.


ok. let's start picking on the list and see what is left standing...

"#9 Gives off intense HEAT"

How? presuming that the question is: How do you tell a male INTJ is 'sexually/physically attracted' to you... how does one give off 'HEAT'? what kind of 'HEAT' are we talking about here?

for example: If a male INTJ is surfing porn and physically attracted to a porn star... what kind of 'HEAT' should there be?

Maybe:
-drooling
-ogling
-wet underwear
-an erection
-staring (visually focused on a point in space)

so where is this 'HEAT' exactly?



You're missing the point. We're looking for a male INTJ's list.

Still Searching...

Hey -think I found a skeleton over there - behind that moss covered stone. :p

The female's list you posted is too subjective...i don't think any INTJ male or female would use so much subjectivity like 'HEAT'. Does this guy need cooling fins when approaching? what the heck is heat?

[wotsamattaU]

It is perhaps regrettable that my list is too subjective for your tastes, but even more so that you have yet to experience HEAT in a similar situation. I do hope Good Fortune smiles upon you and graces you with it. You will know it when you are in the thick of it. :lips:

[intjdude]

At this point I'm going to defer defining what sort of INTJ List the Op had in mind to her. When/if she decides to post again, I'm certain you will have your answer.

It is perhaps regrettable that my list is too subjective for your tastes, but even more so that you have yet to experience HEAT in a similar situation. I do hope Good Fortune smiles upon you and graces you with it. You will know it when you are in the thick of it. :lips:

All i'm saying is that you are using a subjective list to interpret objective behavior. I have modified much of my initial behavior (from young) to rational/objective behavior.

I think i know what you mean by HEAT... but my point is that I will suppress any natural reaction to give off HEAT and you will not be able to use that as a clue (which is why i question your list). You might actually think I am not sexually attracted to you because I don't give off HEAT (which would be the wrong conclusion and thus you shouldn't use that list).

EDIT: Or perhaps I just don't know what you mean by HEAT and perhaps you should define it to make sure we're talking about the same thing

[wotsamattaU]

I think i know what you mean by HEAT... but my point is that I will suppress any natural reaction to give off HEAT and you will not be able to use that as a clue (which is why i question your list). You might actually think I am not sexually attracted to you because I don't give off HEAT (which would be the wrong conclusion and thus you shouldn't use that list).

EDIT: Or perhaps I just don't know what you mean by HEAT and perhaps you should define it to make sure we're talking about the same thing

There are many types and levels of HEAT one can experience. I almost wrote that they all boil down to the same thing - 'chemistry' but perhaps not. I will give one instance of such an exception.

This is something which I do not believe everyone experiences, and it does not seem to rely on the chemistry between two people.

Some individuals, perhaps they are in the minority - experience Attraction Rushes.

This is not something you are aware will happen when it strikes. They can be conversing with their person of interest and all of a sudden it's as if a chain reaction occurs from within. I think it's a combination of many things suddenly all falling into an alignment.

They may realize they find you attractive, but have been pushing it down for some time. Then one day while they are quite riveted 'in the moment' comes the realization this person meets your criteria to an alarming extent. They may actually give an involuntary shudder. Everything all of a sudden seems a bit out of control. An adrenalin rush strikes, and it is of a most extreme sort. HEAT is given off by that person when they are experiencing this. If the person they are talking to is a sensitive sort, odds are they experience a bit of this too.

This is like a fireball of HEAT projected outward involuntarily. Of all the types of chemical attraction, this is perhaps one of the most intensely experienced. It can actually leave the individual feeling dizzy, flushed, weak and unsteady. It appears to strike out of the blue.

[Jinxu]

wotsamattaU,

maybe what you need is some visual aid to get your point across:

Penelope Cruz in Captain Corelli's Mandolin is a good example of the "HEAT" she is talking about. At least that's what I think. You can tell me if I'm wrong.

Also, you will have to watch the whole movie in order to understand it.

[ENFP]

There are many types and levels of HEAT one can experience.

Some individuals, perhaps they are in the minority - experience Attraction Rushes.

This is not something you are aware will happen when it strikes. They can be conversing with their person of interest and all of a sudden it's as if a chain reaction occurs from within. I think it's a combination of many things suddenly all falling into an alignment.

They may realize they find you attractive, but have been pushing it down for some time. Then one day while they are quite riveted 'in the moment' comes the realization this person meets your criteria to an alarming extent. They may actually give an involuntary shudder. Everything all of a sudden seems a bit out of control. An adrenalin rush strikes, and it is of a most extreme sort. HEAT is given off by that person when they are experiencing this. If the person they are talking to is a sensitive sort, odds are they experience a bit of this too.

This is like a fireball of HEAT projected outward involuntarily. Of all the types of chemical attraction, this is perhaps one of the most intensely experienced. It can actually leave the individual feeling dizzy, flushed, weak and unsteady. It appears to strike out of the blue.

WOW, WotsamattaU! You put down exactly how I was struck by lightening with my INTJ crush a year ago. Never experienced anything like it before, didn't know what to do, afraid I was going mad. Out of the blue, I felt so overwhelmed that I had to leave the dancefloor instantly, afraid I would faint or explode if I kept looking into his eyes one second longer or even stayed close to him. It was like an extreme tension and I couldn't endure it. If I hadn't 'fled' I would have made out with him right there - just done anything to release the tension, break the moment, get a grip. (He followed me, concerned and very caring, afraid I was ill. I just said I needed air, that the club had been too crowded. Well, what could I say!?)

I have tried to find some literature on this experience. The closest I got was in a description of the phenomenon of limerence (= an intense and almost obsessive state of infatuation, thriving on hope and uncertainty. Lasts in average 1-3 years!). It was mentioned that people likely remembered the exact moment the limerence 'hit them', they literally felt FALLING in love at once. I wonder if it can be compared to a heroin high - very addictive, it kicks in and changes your brainchemistry into wanting more?

[wotsamattaU]

...my point is that I will suppress any natural reaction to give off HEAT and you will not be able to use that as a clue (which is why i question your list). You might actually think I am not sexually attracted to you because I don't give off HEAT (which would be the wrong conclusion and thus you shouldn't use that list).

This is an excellent point which I forgot to address. It's the suppressing which peculates the entire situation. If you weren't denying it, it would not come out with near the same intensity as it does when it finally surfaces of it's own accord.

wotsamattaU,

maybe what you need is some visual aid to get your point across:

Penelope Cruz in Captain Corelli's Mandolin is a good example of the "HEAT" she is talking about. At least that's what I think. You can tell me if I'm wrong.

Also, you will have to watch the whole movie in order to understand it.

I haven't seen the movie, but will now place it on my list - thanks for the reference.

WOW, WotsamattaU! You put down exactly how I was struck by lightening with my INTJ crush a year ago.

I have tried to find some literature on this experience. The closest I got was in a description of the phenomenon of limerence (= an intense and almost obsessive state of infatuation, thriving on hope and uncertainty. Lasts in average 1-3 years!). It was mentioned that people likely remembered the exact moment the limerence 'hit them', they literally felt FALLING in love at once. I wonder if it can be compared to a heroin high - very addictive, it kicks in and changes your brainchemistry into wanting more?

It was so interesting to read of your experience. Up until that point, I had begun wondering if this was something more likely to occur with introverted types due to the suppression/control issue. Like you, I had searched far and wide for information on this and was quite disappointed at how little there is out there discussing it.

re: Limerence - there actually is no time limit to it. It can go on indefinitely if you are in contact with the LO. Even if you stop communicating/seeing one another - if you pick it up a few years down the road it can hit you again as if it never stopped. Tricky stuff that.

The chemicals flooding the brain do hook you into wanting another 'hit' - of that other person, and so a cycle begins. You can find further information by searching for chemical love attraction for a breakdown of the biology behind all of this. That's just the science of it though - there is so much more involved.

I was thinking about this topic earlier today. Three times I have experienced this.
Once as the Recipient, once Simultaneously Mutually, and once as the Fall-ee. These are the sorts of experiences one will never forget as they are incredibly intense and leave you quite shaken to the core.

Perhaps this should be split into a new thread. I would love to hear and discuss other people's first hand accounts with this.

[intjdude]

WOW, WotsamattaU! You put down exactly how I was struck by lightening with my INTJ crush a year ago. Never experienced anything like it before, didn't know what to do, afraid I was going mad. Out of the blue, I felt so overwhelmed that I had to leave the dancefloor instantly, afraid I would faint or explode if I kept looking into his eyes one second longer or even stayed close to him. It was like an extreme tension and I couldn't endure it. If I hadn't 'fled' I would have made out with him right there - just done anything to release the tension, break the moment, get a grip. (He followed me, concerned and very caring, afraid I was ill. I just said I needed air, that the club had been too crowded. Well, what could I say!?)

I have tried to find some literature on this experience. The closest I got was in a description of the phenomenon of limerence (= an intense and almost obsessive state of infatuation, thriving on hope and uncertainty. Lasts in average 1-3 years!). It was mentioned that people likely remembered the exact moment the limerence 'hit them', they literally felt FALLING in love at once. I wonder if it can be compared to a heroin high - very addictive, it kicks in and changes your brainchemistry into wanting more?

So this guy in your story could tell something was up but could he tell that it was HEAT? I'm wondering if any observer would be able to differentiate HEAT from 'needing air'.

[wotsamattaU]

The person who is spontaneously combusting gives off intense heat. This is something the recipient definitely feels - at least in all three of my instances.

[ENFP]

So this guy in your story could tell something was up but could he tell that it was HEAT? I'm wondering if any observer would be able to differentiate HEAT from 'needing air'.

He was coming very strong on to me that night, both before and after the club, so he has picked up on some signals. I had to turn him down, though obviously tempted. He knows this, but we haven't talked about the special moment.

I'm not sure what he made of it all. I don't think I would dare to conclude from such a situation that I'd just witnessed somebody falling hard and instantaneously in love with me.
Even I, who experienced it from the inside, only slowly admitted the importance of the incident to myself and tried for very long to ignore it as some stupid anomali. But couldn't deny it eventually. And mutual attraction seems to persist long distance to this day.

Actually, I think the direct cause of the sudden igniting of my limerent heat was his intense stare, where HIS 'heat' (or whatever it was) kinda knocked me out. Somebody here described the INTJ-stare as "you feel like a deer that's been singled out from the group". Ouch, yes!

Hey - don't you INTJs have some "reverse stare", that can make the limerence go away and allow me to get back to normal? :freak:

[Rohsiph]

This is in reply to the stuff about "heat," that recently was suggested:
Perhaps this should be split into a new thread. I would love to hear and discuss other people's first hand accounts with this.

just for the record . . . ahem.

I wonder, I've read enough to get the gist about limerance, and the experience of 'falling' as buried feelings coming to the fore reminds me of a specific feeling I sometimes get.

Except, after the first time it happened I've always made a point of trying as hard as possible to immerse myself into the experience.

Basically, a numbness comes over me--especially my face. It becomes difficult to move my mouth, to speak, as it's almost like my jaw locks up. I become ultra-aware of my surroundings and my current position. The last few times it happened I started talking about it, how weird it felt . . . I asked if it was noticable, especially if anything about my face changed, and was told nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

I've yet to come across anyone describing a similar feeling, this stuff about "heat" is probably the closest but I never have felt myself literally warm up when it has happened.

I've never noticed the person who would trigger this feeling react to it. The last few times it happened while we were getting into really deep, personal philosophical stuff . . . once a discussion of aesthetics in our own artwork, and once literally discussing personal cosmologies.

It's uncanny . . . it's entirely out of place, and seems to come without reason. Nothing ever changes afterwards either. I've taken it for granted it's just another one of my quirks, so it's interesting to hear about something even slightly similar that has been tracked. It hits me, and I feel engaged like my mind and body are challenging each other, my body for whatever reason trying to shut down.

Hmm . . .

[ENFP]

It was so interesting to read of your experience. Up until that point, I had begun wondering if this was something more likely to occur with introverted types due to the suppression/control issue. Like you, I had searched far and wide for information on this and was quite disappointed at how little there is out there discussing it.

re: Limerence - there actually is no time limit to it. It can go on indefinitely if you are in contact with the LO. Even if you stop communicating/seeing one another - if you pick it up a few years down the road it can hit you again as if it never stopped. Tricky stuff that.

The chemicals flooding the brain do hook you into wanting another 'hit' - of that other person, and so a cycle begins. You can find further information by searching for chemical love attraction for a breakdown of the biology behind all of this. That's just the science of it though - there is so much more involved.

I was thinking about this topic earlier today. Three times I have experienced this.
Once as the Recipient, once Simultaneously Mutually, and once as the Fall-ee. These are the sorts of experiences one will never forget as they are incredibly intense and leave you quite shaken to the core.

Perhaps this should be split into a new thread. I would love to hear and discuss other people's first hand accounts with this.

Hi Wot, what an excellent idea to make a new thread on Limererence / Attraction Rushes / Moments of Heat. Would also be interesting to see if it is more likely to happen to some types (or between some types)?

I haven't thought of the aspect of suppression / control or whether introverts have more issues with this than others. As I wrote in a previous post, becoming fully conscious about the feelings of that moment was not easy to me, I kind of suppressed it or pushed it to the back of my mind. And as ENFP I am supposed to be extravert intuitive, but with introvert feeling, Fi.

[Jinxu]

Moments of Heat

I get it now, you're defining "Heat" as the set of physical reactions that people make when they are sexually turned on.

[ENFP]

I get it now, you're defining "Heat" as the set of physical reactions that people make when they are sexually turned on.

Eh... no.

[wotsamattaU]

He was coming very strong on to me that night, both before and after the club, so he has picked up on some signals. I had to turn him down, though obviously tempted. He knows this, but we haven't talked about the special moment.

Interesting...was he being consistently strong or waffling that evening in his attentions?

In the case where I experienced this mutually - with an INTJ - he was in Hunter mode. What occurred within me though is difficult to put into words exactly.

I would compare it to a circuit breaker.

You begin neutral. (power outage)
During conversation you begin to experience stirrings (flip one circuit back on)
He said something which I had a very strong reaction to = strong sense of familiarity (throw several switches on)
I began to feel frightened for the very first time = beginning to sense this is larger than the two of us (extreme tension)
Realization strikes - we have an extreme compatibility (trip all circuits back on in quick succession) Inner shudder with this realization

Circuits now all On - Feeling very electrically charged - Hot - Heart pounding - Palms damp - breathing irregular - Feel entirely exposed, naked - room seems positively sweltering like a jungle - all three people in room comment on how unbearably hot it's become - I am dizzy upon standing - the INTJ falters upon standing and is flushed.

The INTJ and I were sitting closely to one another, and for lack of a better phrase it was experienced as some sort of energetic feedback between us in a loop. Afterward, I felt so connected to him - in thought, emotion and spirit. We became so in sync it was as if we had always known one another.


I'm not sure what he made of it all. I don't think I would dare to conclude from such a situation that I'd just witnessed somebody falling hard and instantaneously in love with me.
Even I, who experienced it from the inside, only slowly admitted the importance of the incident to myself and tried for very long to ignore it as some stupid anomali. But couldn't deny it eventually. And mutual attraction seems to persist long distance to this day.

Did you never get together?


Actually, I think the direct cause of the sudden igniting of my limerent heat was his intense stare, where HIS 'heat' (or whatever it was) kinda knocked me out. Somebody here described the INTJ-stare as "you feel like a deer that's been singled out from the group". Ouch, yes! In my case I feel like I have a lion pinning me to the wall.


Hey - don't you INTJs have some "reverse stare", that can make the limerence go away and allow me to get back to normal? :freak: Yes, it's the "INTJ Freeze Out". That would be when they withdraw and feign indifference.



Basically, a numbness comes over me--especially my face. It becomes difficult to move my mouth, to speak, as it's almost like my jaw locks up. I become ultra-aware of my surroundings and my current position. The last few times it happened I started talking about it, how weird it felt . . . I asked if it was noticable, especially if anything about my face changed, and was told nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

I have experienced something very similar but it has been a long time ago now. It was almost like a face paralysis....extreme self-consciousness combined with attention to minutia. It's another sort of sensory overload, as I experienced it.


I've never noticed the person who would trigger this feeling react to it. The last few times it happened while we were getting into really deep, personal philosophical stuff . . . once a discussion of aesthetics in our own artwork, and once literally discussing personal cosmologies.

I'm curious here if you were aware of anything triggering this in you - in my situation I was recognizing this person met all of my criteria. Was this your sense? Has it always been with the same person?


It's uncanny . . . it's entirely out of place, and seems to come without reason. Nothing ever changes afterwards either. I've taken it for granted it's just another one of my quirks, so it's interesting to hear about something even slightly similar that has been tracked. It hits me, and I feel engaged like my mind and body are challenging each other, my body for whatever reason trying to shut down.

What do you mean nothing changes afterwards - do you mean the relationship? When this occurs, do you have the sense that something exceptional is going on?

I get it now, you're defining "Heat" as the set of physical reactions that people make when they are sexually turned on.

This is different than a sexual attraction, at least in my case. It was experienced as a meshing of two individuals...some sort of uncanny inner harmony. I was not reacting to him as a sexual partner. The harmony was so extreme, it seemed as if I was sitting beside the male expression of myself, my mirror. It remains to this day the most extreme experience of my life.

[Samoan Corleone]

When I was a little boy I used to experience massive heat. Not so much now in my late teens, because I've changed my way of thinking, and stuff.

[wotsamattaU]

What would prompt it in you, or were you too young to really recall?

[Samoan Corleone]

It was, like, having my crush(es) in close proximity. I'd just heat up and blush and the only thing I'd be able to think would be "What'a I do? What'a I do?" I think I'd have a stupid looking smile all over my face too. When I reached my teens the anxiety went away.

[wotsamattaU]

I was just going to ask if you'd turn red (now I see you put blush) because I could imagine such.

So it was an extreme tension and anxiety also. I can picture that.

I don't know that I could have altered what I experienced. There was no crush leading up to it. It was a sudden realization that hit me like a ton of bricks. I did not see it coming.

[ENFP]

Ah, this is where the heat-thread has gone :-) Great!

Sexual attraction has happened to me often and though there are strong similarities in the reactions of the body, lust is identifyable to me as limited to a certain range of tension, caused by some sexy situation, act or look. It's also easier to choose whether or not to act on, since you maintain your normal sense of self, free will, walls of protection etc., - you are just attracted and aroused. It does not shake you to the core, forcing its way through normally efficient walls of selfprotection and it does not sweep everything about yourself and the other person into it. After my / our moment of Attraction Rush I must face that I was somehow altered profoundly. It was a defining moment in my life with real consequences. One of which is being on this forum actually (*waves hand* thank you for being here everybody! *waves hand again*). I only discovered MBTI because I was googling around to seek ways to understand this baffling new man in my emotional life. And the INTJ-descriptions made very much sense. Now, one year after the moment, I am close to decide on some major changes in my life in order to see him again and find out what's real and what's a trick of the mind. We live on different continents (!), so my growing urge to act on the experience is definitely not like giving in to convenience or something you'd do just to get casual sexual gratification.

I hope to hear more experiences, also from INTJs, since many claim to experience falling in love, but somehow in a different way from the standard-romance manuscript.

WotsamattaU, I'll return with answers to you questions later! I'm really impressed by how well you describe 'the moment'. I had not thought about whether realisation of an uncanny level of compatibility was a part of it. But now I will ;-)

ENFP added to this post, 700 minutes and 30 seconds later...

Interesting...was he being consistently strong or waffling that evening in his attentions?

He was very consistent in his attention - other people noticed as well. (English is not my mothertongue, can you explain what 'waffling' means?). Afraid of reading too much into things, I was rather slow / willfully naïve (an old tool of protection, not really happy about it). But well before the intense moment of 'heat' at the club, I knew he was definitely coming on to me. I was flattered, interested and liked him, but I kept

One thing I noticed as unusual, and this made me doubt my interpretation a bit, was that he did not touch me in any way when a casual opportunity offered itself. This was one of the things that only made sense after reading about the INTJ-type.


Did you never get together?
No. But I've told him that I wanted to, had I not been in a committed relationship. 9 months later I interrogated him once more on his interest in me. After a great - albeit platonic - visit to my country, I became paranoid whether he 'played me' because nothing was like anything I had experienced before.:anxious:). But that was before I knew about MBTI and INTJness. :stunned: He made this description of 'what is going on between us': "We admire each other, enjoy each other's company and find each other sexy. But there is nothing we can do about that." Very INTJ, no nonsense. :cool: He asked a minut later if he was being crass, which was sweet, but once more confused me.

[wotsamattaU]

After my / our moment of Attraction Rush I must face that I was somehow altered profoundly. It was a defining moment in my life with real consequences. Exactly - I agree with this 100%. You also described the differences between sexual attraction and this experience quite perfectly.

He was very consistent in his attention - other people noticed as well. (English is not my mothertongue, can you explain what 'waffling' means?). Afraid of reading too much into things, I was rather slow / willfully naïve (an old tool of protection, not really happy about it). But well before the intense moment of 'heat' at the club, I knew he was definitely coming on to me. I was flattered, interested and liked him, but I kept

Wait - you didn't finish your sentence - how can you leave us all hanging? :popcorn:

I meant waffling as in to vacillate: To swing indecisively from one course of action or opinion to another. So in this case asking, were you subjected to periods of intense interest followed by feigned indifference. The Hot/Cold treatment.

Did you never get together?
No. But I've told him that I wanted to, had I not been in a committed relationship. 9 months later I interrogated him once more on his interest in me. After a great - albeit platonic - visit to my country, I became paranoid whether he 'played me' because nothing was like anything I had experienced before.:anxious:). What do you mean by this last sentence? When he visited he treated you differently than before?

He made this description of 'what is going on between us': "We admire each other, enjoy each other's company and find each other sexy. But there is nothing we can do about that." Very INTJ, no nonsense. :cool: He asked a minut later if he was being crass, which was sweet, but once more confused me. Probably wondered if he had stated things too bluntly. I think it's wonderful you two have discussed this openly. Had to smile at his summary - as that too was our situation.

It is interesting to hear how others experience this.

The very first time it happened to me, I was the recipient. It was at a house party thrown by a woman I worked with, one of those where they try to sell you items for your house - all work women in attendance. The party was breaking up, and she had gone to get my coat. When she returned, her son had come down from his room - and WOWIEEEEE - I got hit with what felt like a wall of heat. I couldn't even look at the guy, he was sending me some serious energy.

We were introduced and said little more than Hello. As I spoke to his mother, I could feel this guy's heat/presence all over me. It made me self conscious buttoning my winter coat and tucking in my scarf. I felt him all the way back to my car and this sensation stayed with me for some time. It had me shaken by it's sheer intensity. I had never experienced that before and was confused on how my appearance could pull such a reaction from someone who didn't know a single thing about me.

The following day at work, his mother sought me out and came right out with it - 'My son is incredibly taken with you, you know. He kept asking me all about you. I told him you're married. Thing is, HE's engaged to be married himself! His choice of fiance' is a disaster; my husband and I can't stand her. She's all wrong for him. After last night, I question why he would go through with it. We can't reason with him though, he will go through with it. It's not like him though to react to someone like he did with you.'

I told her had I not been married, I would have accepted his date offer (so rattled was I by this extreme attention - it did shake me up quite a bit).

As the weeks went past, she would let me know he continued to ask about me. She said really, all he does is normally stay up in his room - she's surprised he comes down and says anything to them at all, let alone this. So from that I assumed he was a bit of a solitary individual, and for whatever reason I triggered a very strong response in him.

I put this Attraction Rush in a different category, because I don't understand - there was next to nil conversation between us. He did overhear me conversing with his mother and others. How much can someone tell about another with such limited data? It seems a stretch to think a person could react so strongly over someone met basically in passing. I know what it feels like to have someone interested in you sexually, but this took the cake. It makes me wonder if through his limited observation I met more than a little of his criteria, be it subconsciously or not.

[ENFP]

Exactly - I agree with this 100%. You also described the differences between sexual attraction and this experience quite perfectly.

Wait - you didn't finish your sentence - how can you leave us all hanging? :popcorn:


I meant waffling as in to vacillate: To swing indecisively from one course of action or opinion to another. So in this case asking, were you subjected to periods of intense interest followed by feigned indifference. The Hot/Cold treatment.

What do you mean by this last sentence? When he visited he treated you differently than before?


The very first time it happened to me, I was the recipient. It was at a house party thrown by a woman I worked with, one of those where they try to sell you items for your house - all work women in attendance. The party was breaking up, and she had gone to get my coat. When she returned, her son had come down from his room - and WOWIEEEEE - I got hit with what felt like a wall of heat. I couldn't even look at the guy, he was sending me some serious energy.

We were introduced and said little more than Hello. As I spoke to his mother, I could feel this guy's heat/presence all over me. It made me self conscious buttoning my winter coat and tucking in my scarf. I felt him all the way back to my car and this sensation stayed with me for some time. It had me shaken by it's sheer intensity. I had never experienced that before and was confused on how my appearance could pull such a reaction from someone who didn't know a single thing about me.

The following day at work, his mother sought me out and came right out with it - 'My son is incredibly taken with you, you know. He kept asking me all about you. I told him you're married. Thing is, HE's engaged to be married himself! His choice of fiance' is a disaster; my husband and I can't stand her. She's all wrong for him. After last night, I question why he would go through with it. We can't reason with him though, he will go through with it. It's not like him though to react to someone like he did with you.'

I told her had I not been married, I would have accepted his date offer (so rattled was I by this extreme attention - it did shake me up quite a bit).

As the weeks went past, she would let me know he continued to ask about me. She said really, all he does is normally stay up in his room - she's surprised he comes down and says anything to them at all, let alone this. So from that I assumed he was a bit of a solitary individual, and for whatever reason I triggered a very strong response in him.

I put this Attraction Rush in a different category, because I don't understand - there was next to nil conversation between us. He did overhear me conversing with his mother and others. How much can someone tell about another with such limited data? It seems a stretch to think a person could react so strongly over someone met basically in passing. I know what it feels like to have someone interested in you sexually, but this took the cake. It makes me wonder if through his limited observation I met more than a little of his criteria, be it subconsciously or not.

To cut sentence:
Sorry, my editing mistake. I was going to say, that I kept it light. For what I knew, he could be the average conference hunter your mom always warned you against, looking for an anonymous lay before flying back home and forgetting all about you. As evening progressed though, he didn't seem to be such a man. In your terms of compatibility, he exposed sides of himself that made my powerswitches turn 'on' one by one. I think I was afraid of the potential pull because my emotions can be strong and fuck me up. I started an inner dialogue reminding myself that no matter how attractive he was, the whole idea of something beyond the triviality of a conferenceflirt was impossible.

Rationalizing at this point consists of internally putting myself down and him up: such an attractive, independent man of the world wouldn't consider something more serious with a woman 4 years his senior with kids. And living on different continents makes it doomed anyway whatever feelings are... etc. etc. Thus, enjoy his company, be realistic, keep it light.
This was my state of mind when the moment of unbearable intensity hit me and I fell hard.

To waffling:
No, I didn't get the hot/cold treatment. Would have resented that. Only the hot :lovestruck:

To different treatment?:
No not at all, except that it was clear that we shouldn't get physically involved, so in that respect he was not 'hunting'. What I mean is that after his visit I tried to make sense of the previous 8-9 months and I tried all kinds of "models" on him to find a interpretation that was consistent with his behavior, my experience and the cold facts, not wishful thinking or the ENFP tendency to think the best, keep doubt open and disregard evidence to the contrary. We had the intense hourlong chats, then the long silences, only me initiating contact and during the visit he told me about his two new lovers, bi- and polyamory style. And still, he was there, from across the world, just to have lunch with me. So, I tried to run the whole process through "he is just not that into you"-model and then trying the 'Systems' of the player / pick-up artist community, "he is playing you in order to have a warm bed in every city"-model. I was desperate to understand and the whole thing looked like nothing I knew. I asked him, he told me he was not playing me. I believed him. Then I found MBTI and reading the INTJ-profile a lot became clearer!

Probably wondered if he had stated things too bluntly. I think it's wonderful you two have discussed this openly. Had to smile at his summary - as that too was our situation.

Really?! Amazing! Do you still have this connection? How old are you if I may ask? (I'm 41, INTJ 37)


To your experience with this guy's 'heat':
Wow, wasn't it almost scary to be the object of this? I can't help feel that it must be due to a too strong imagination on his part, falling for an image he had built (cold feet before marriage?) and just fitting you into it. He couldn't really have fallen for YOU since he didn't know you and you had had no chance to show yourself. Then it's basically a relation he has to himself, using others as merely 'props' to play out his inner drama. I know I have been prone to do that in the past, I don't like it and now I have a strong need for real interaction with real not-me people.:curtain:

I still have to figure out how to do quote and answer in a readable way (thanks Rudy for tidying up quotes in my last post!)

[rain]

The chemicals flooding the brain do hook you into wanting another 'hit' - of that other person, and so a cycle begins. You can find further information by searching for chemical love attraction for a breakdown of the biology behind all of this. That's just the science of it though - there is so much more involved.

I was thinking about this topic earlier today. Three times I have experienced this.
Once as the Recipient, once Simultaneously Mutually, and once as the Fall-ee. These are the sorts of experiences one will never forget as they are incredibly intense and leave you quite shaken to the core.

Perhaps this should be split into a new thread. I would love to hear and discuss other people's first hand accounts with this.

I've experienced this a few times, separated by several years. I think in part it is a combination of aspects- physical & biological coupled with an acute awareness of the other person's thinking/emoting senses. I think this happens when you meet your opposite personality type- in Jungian terms, your shadow.

To cut sentence:
To your experience with this guy's 'heat':
Wow, wasn't it almost scary to be the object of this? I can't help feel that it must be due to a too strong imagination on his part, falling for an image he had built (cold feet before marriage?) and just fitting you into it. He couldn't really have fallen for YOU since he didn't know you and you had had no chance to show yourself. Then it's basically a relation he has to himself, using others as merely 'props' to play out his inner drama. I know I have been prone to do that in the past, I don't like it and now I have a strong need for real interaction with real not-me people.:curtain:

In part, that's probably true, and a good rationalization, although I've been on both sides of the situation, and I can tell you that there's something a priori about those kinds of experiences. If we were to sum up our knowledge of another intimately, it would be an immediate kind of knowledge that we already know before our minds make sense of the experience in a linear way.

I like how Plato describes it "we have already lived this life before and now experiencing it" except in this case, the memory refers to something we haven't yet experienced, if that makes sense.

If time resembles a rhizomic pattern and not a linear line, then depending on the what-ifs of the situation, perhaps we possess that a priori knowledge of that entire spectrum of experience, and the specific point of meeting represents a catalyst to another event. I tend to go with my intuition about these things, and I know specific moments are more significant than others- and whether I attach meaning to them seems entirely subjective, but in reality, perhaps that is the junction in which one experience expanded into another.

It's not that we don't "know" people, we do know people through our collective experience, it's a matter of getting into the habit of mundane experiences that filter through our perception. I can say that I knew X quite intimately, in that I knew from the beginning what his hopes, dreams, wishes, desires, ambitions, loves were without him having to verbalize necessarily what they were, but that ultimately I did not know X's habits and particular quirks. And I can also say that I thought I knew Z quite intimately because we had spent so much time together and grown up together, but in the end realized that I didn't really know him at all, because there was so much I didn't know about the inner workings of his mind, and he became someone I felt I never really knew, because I didn't "get" him.

Attraction rushes/ heat probably indicates cohesive compatibility- but like anything else filtered through our rational thought processes, it's about timing and practicality and experiencing it through our perception of linear time.

[Jinxu]

I get it now, you're defining "Heat" as the set of physical reactions that people make when they are sexually turned on.

Let me rephrase my original comment as I can see how it can be misleading. I didn't mean sexually turned on. I meant to say it's the physical reactions you get when you are see or are near someone you find attractive or someone you have a strong secret crush on. The descriptions: heart beating faster, temperature rising, anxiety, and blushing points all describe this physical reaction. I don't know the official term for it but I think the best visual example of this it is Edward Cullen's character in Twilight when he first saw Bella. Even though I think he is a little creepy. :p

You can literally see him having a hard time being near her. I think that's funny. :wiseguy:

[rain]

You can literally see him having a hard time being near her. I think that's funny. :wiseguy:

I had a conversation with a uni professor about this, and he told me that in those cases of animal attraction, they was the hardest to act upon, due to an overwhelming sense of the rational fighting with sexual instincts. Therefore, coming to the conclusion that people rather act upon with those without that push-pull instinct. I don't know how accurate that statement is, but I found it interesting.

[wotsamattaU]

They must be working on this forum - I have no way to refer back to anything quoted above within this Reply suddenly!

Rain - you bring up many interesting points regarding this. re: it occurring when we meet our opposite personality types - our Jungian shadow I can comment on this personally.

I married my polar opposite - an ESTJ. Though we love one another, I did not experience this with him - ever. Yet, I am able to experience this with others.

Like you, many years separate these experiences for me. There was a 20 year gap before I had it occur a 2nd time; the 3rd would strike a mere 3 years later. In each of these instances I was not searching for an attraction/mate - rather, I was just being me. This meant all males are placed into potential Friend Zone due to my marriage and values, which I hold to firmly. In all three instances I was floored due to the unexpectedness and the intensity.

you stated: "Attraction rushes/ heat probably indicates cohesive compatibility..." I think that is it. There is something there which is innately sensed. In my experience I believe all men to have been NT's, and very likely INT's at that. (I admit I have limited knowledge of the first, but the last two one is INTJ and the other I self typed as likely being one as well.)

I'd really enjoy hearing your experiences if you'd care to share them.

[Plane Stress]

I experience these "attraction rushes"/HEAT/whatever. It normally makes me more confident and almost daring in a way, makes it so I can't get the person I like out of my mind, etc. I still don't really act on these impulses, though.

This is a different experience than lust, which is something that is also often periodic for me but with a much shorter cycle.

[wotsamattaU]

Plane - when you experience one are you left in a state of Limerence? What holds you back from acting upon them? Seeing as how intense an experience this is it would make me think it would propel you further along in making the connection happen.

How would you state this differs from Lust in your experience?


Rain wrote:

"I had a conversation with a uni professor about this, and he told me that in those cases of animal attraction, they was the hardest to act upon, due to an overwhelming sense of the rational fighting with sexual instincts. Therefore, coming to the conclusion that people rather act upon with those without that push-pull instinct. I don't know how accurate that statement is, but I found it interesting."

Plane - do you agree with this - is that why you did not act upon them?


Jinxu wrote:

"Let me rephrase my original comment as I can see how it can be misleading. I didn't mean sexually turned on. I meant to say it's the physical reactions you get when you are see or are near someone you find attractive or someone you have a strong secret crush on..."

It's some sort of intense sensory overload. In the two in which I was throwing heat - I found them both attractive physically, though that was not what prompted the reaction.

In my last experience with this, I did not know him long and did not experience a crush. It was another chain reaction I felt coming from deep inside me.

[Plane Stress]

Yes, it is exactly limerence. To me it differs from lust because it's always a feeling for somebody who I "love" instead of someone I just find hot or attractive. It's more than just sexual desire, it's really a desire to love somebody.

I normally convince myself that it is a bad idea before acting on it.

[Jinxu]

Yes, it is exactly limerence. To me it differs from lust because it's always a feeling for somebody who I "love" instead of someone I just find hot or attractive. It's more than just sexual desire, it's really a desire to love somebody.

I normally convince myself that it is a bad idea before acting on it.

I have read that the closer you are to someone you like, the more intense these feelings become. They are reactions that you have no control over.

[wotsamattaU]

Please note in the first case where I was the Recipient of the heat:

"I told her had I not been married, I would have accepted his date offer (so rattled was I by this extreme attention - it did shake me up quite a bit)."

The intensity of the experience was such that even though I did not know the guy personally, couldn't even get a good fix on what his features looked like (I was avoiding his gaze) I would have accepted a date with him. It felt exceptional in every way. Look, even some 20 years later I can vividly recall this experience.

While the strength of the energy coming at me was a bit scary (in an overwhelming-the-senses sort of way) it was also exceedingly flattering. I did not fear for myself being with him. My only concern was - could I handle myself in a one-on-one situation with him? (keep things from heating up too much - keep the situation under control)

In all three of my experiences, there is a sense of loss of control - and that is where the frightening aspect came in for me.

[Jinxu]

The intensity of the experience was such that even though I did not know the guy personally, couldn't even get a good fix on what his features looked like (I was avoiding his gaze) I would have accepted a date with him. It felt exceptional in every way. Look, even some 20 years later I can vividly recall this experience.

I've notice some women do that. Avoiding your gaze. Why? Is it because the emotions become too much?

[wotsamattaU]

I was avoiding his gaze because of the heat he was throwing. Full stop. It was overwhelming and took me entirely by surprise.

That's not to say I won't hold a gaze of great intensity; eventually I will break it off first though. If I were interested, I would pick up the staring again immediately.

As to other women/why they won't hold your gaze - what are you doing? Do you smile, or are you stern? If there is no smile it can come off very intimidating, leaving the person wondering what is up with you, what is your problem. I think introverted women are more likely to have 'What the hell are you looking at?' as a knee jerk reaction in their thoughts.

[rain]

They must be working on this forum - I have no way to refer back to anything quoted above within this Reply suddenly!

Rain - you bring up many interesting points regarding this. re: it occurring when we meet our opposite personality types - our Jungian shadow I can comment on this personally.

I married my polar opposite - an ESTJ. Though we love one another, I did not experience this with him - ever. Yet, I am able to experience this with others.

Like you, many years separate these experiences for me. There was a 20 year gap before I had it occur a 2nd time; the 3rd would strike a mere 3 years later. In each of these instances I was not searching for an attraction/mate - rather, I was just being me. This meant all males are placed into potential Friend Zone due to my marriage and values, which I hold to firmly. In all three instances I was floored due to the unexpectedness and the intensity.

you stated: "Attraction rushes/ heat probably indicates cohesive compatibility..." I think that is it. There is something there which is innately sensed. In my experience I believe all men to have been NT's, and very likely INT's at that. (I admit I have limited knowledge of the first, but the last two one is INTJ and the other I self typed as likely being one as well.)

I'd really enjoy hearing your experiences if you'd care to share them.

I can think of 3 instances. Once when I was quite young, I became enamoured with this musician. I wouldn't even consider him my typical type but there was something about him which made me think we were exactly alike. When he moved across the room, I could feel him shifting with my back turned. It was a keen awareness of his mind, and I felt too attracted to him to be able to let him know at all. In fact, around him, I became paralyzed and so would ignore him on purpose. It was very highschoolish. :)

The second time, I felt an acute sense of being "hunted" or "watched". Everytime he was in the same room, everyone in the room felt our attraction towards each other, despite the fact that we could do nothing about it. People even made commentary about it to my embarrasment. There was something animalistic about him, he was what I considered a "civilized brute"...Maybe Rudy Henkel would know about the term, I think I read it in one of his posts. Anyhow, there were so many instances, in which we were in such close proximity, and then when faced with the possibility of us, I found myself unable to take that step. The funny thing is when I first noticed him, I knew he was behind me, because I sensed the movement of his mind and because I sensed something about to happen, and then when I first saw him, I felt as if I saw through him, in all his emotional complexity. I felt too terrified to do anything about my overwhelming attraction towards him because logically, I was concerned with the consequences of my actions, and the thought of losing control over my emotions was unacceptable to me.

Third time, we just got on like fire. There was something about him that made me feel inevitably protected and safe. There was such an intensity in his glare and the way he fought with words, the way he composed his emotions. I felt like there was a kind of volatile unleashing of his intellect underneath the calm, cool surface. He was one of those men who seems a little bit unapproachable, because he's the type of hunter who waits for his prey to come to him. Again, I felt after the initial, accidental meeting, there was a magnet tied to my brain to his, and I couldn't help but wanting to connect to him, while at the same time, there was this overwhelming fear of losing myself, and a kind of self-preservation took over. It's part wanting to connect- and at the same time, fearing that connection.

I think what I can say about all three connections in what they had in common is that they were all extremely talented writers and had introverted personality types: INFP, ISTJ, INFP.

Despite the fact that I go on & on about how I prefer extraverted men, all the men that I feel a deep connection towards tend to be introverted types, mainly because I think there is an aspect of myself in which I need to connect and share my abstract world of ideas, thoughts, and feelings with another. Introverted men quite typically are able to break through that boundary of invulnerable emotion, so that when with them, I don't need to pretend nor smile. However, most of the time, I find it is the type of connection that is too intense to be acted upon. I'm wondering if they has ever been any couples who have actually had successful relationships with others in which they possessed a keen limerance for. My guess is no.

[Jinxu]

I was avoiding his gaze because of the heat he was throwing. Full stop. It was overwhelming and took me entirely by surprise.

That's not to say I won't hold a gaze of great intensity; eventually I will break it off first though. If I were interested, I would pick up the staring again immediately.

As to other women/why they won't hold your gaze - what are you doing? Do you smile, or are you stern? If there is no smile it can come off very intimidating, leaving the person wondering what is up with you, what is your problem. I think introverted women are more likely to have 'What the hell are you looking at?' as a knee jerk reaction in their thoughts.

I don't think I was giving off a bad look. I would say that I was expressing interest in the way I was looking. It's like a warm, "I am interested in you" type of look.

My theory is that they were avoiding looking back because they did not want to want to show their interest or advance their attraction further. I have seen that girls will look away with a smile on their face.

[wotsamattaU]

Rain - thank you for sharing your experiences. I find a lot of commonalities between yours and mine.

I would like to go into them further, but I will have to come back to this.

For some reason graphics are not appearing on my screen on the bb today, nor do I have the options to quote text (or if I do they aren't visible currently). This is frustrating.

Jinxu - If the girls have a smile on their faces then that is definitely a good indicator. There are cultural differences that may also affect this interplay. Some societies teach their females to take a more demure stance in these sorts of things.

ENFP - I haven't forgotten you - this is tied in to the fact I can't quote text currently, and would like to.

[Rohsiph]

I have experienced something very similar but it has been a long time ago now. It was almost like a face paralysis....extreme self-consciousness combined with attention to minutia. It's another sort of sensory overload, as I experienced it.

Yes, this sounds right.

I'm curious here if you were aware of anything triggering this in you - in my situation I was recognizing this person met all of my criteria. Was this your sense? Has it always been with the same person?

The first few times it happened it was completely unexpected . . . the consistent factor is it only seems to happen when discussing personal thoughts with people who I respect highly on a creative and/or intellectual level.

What do you mean nothing changes afterwards - do you mean the relationship? When this occurs, do you have the sense that something exceptional is going on?

Yes, I mean the conversation continues, then ends, and nothing ever 'moves forward' later on with the relationship. Yet, the feeling is so severe that it does seem like it's something exceptional--that it should change things, somehow . . .

I think you've nailed it identifying it as "another sort of sensory overload." Rather than some sort of all-encompassing connection, or emotional connection, it's more specifically tuned into intellectual compatibility.

[wotsamattaU]

Rohsiph, it is very interesting that you peg your experiences as being that of intellectual compatibility. It makes me wonder if that is the only component to it though. If this occurs with someone you also find physically attractive, then you have at least two areas of compatibility/criteria met. Perhaps there are more things falling into an alignment for you than you are aware of. If you find them otherwise non-appealing, then I guess it would be strictly an intellectual meshing. This sounds much like the highly coveted Mind Mate. Would that be accurate?

I was referencing an old thread in another discussion this week, and came across this post which reminded me a bit of this discussion. I think that it is another example of a heightened sense of awareness, though perhaps it isn't clear if it fits into the 'Rush' category.

Posted by Fanowene (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) (taken from: Now seriously... Hunted? (love) )

I forgot to mention that I feel really awkward whenever I'm around a person I like or who I know likes me (if it is unspoken). It's like I'm constrained in a way, restricted in my actions and movement. It's really weird. I pay attention to 100% of my actions, ever little detail, pay attention to what others are doing/seeing/sensing, pay attention to what the guy is doing, etc. It can be really frustrating at times and so far I haven't found a way out of it.

[Jinxu]

When you all were feeling this "Heat", what was the guy feeling? Have you asked? Did he feel the same thing and at the same intensity?

[wotsamattaU]

and during the visit he told me about his two new lovers, bi- and polyamory style. I asked him, he told me he was not playing me. I believed him. Then I found MBTI and reading the INTJ-profile a lot became clearer!

So you experienced an exceptional flare with this INTJ -do you think during 'The Moment' he was experiencing something similar? Obviously there is something there for him to go so out of his way to see you again. Does his current life style choice confuse you all the more? If it isn't your sort of thing, then it would make any possible future together all the more uncertain I would think.


Really?! Amazing! Do you still have this connection? Yes, it is ongoing - it has been several years since the initial Attraction Rush. We see one another at work. I think it will remain as long as both of us wish it to. As far as Limerence goes, you either have to go No contact (to starve it out) or Replace (the L.O. with another Limerent Object). Some people go from one to another in smooth transition. The book (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) by Dorothy Tennov helped me to understand this a great deal. I highly recommend it.

To your experience with this guy's 'heat':
Wow, wasn't it almost scary to be the object of this? I can't help feel that it must be due to a too strong imagination on his part, falling for an image he had built (cold feet before marriage?) and just fitting you into it.
I had wondered all of that too. Had there been conversation involved, I would have understood it a bit better - because that is what happened with me, during my experience #3.

When you all were feeling this "Heat", what was the guy feeling? Have you asked? Did he feel the same thing and at the same intensity?

I never asked, no. The 2nd time I experienced this (i.e. the co-worker) the heat was incredibly strong coming from him, as felt by me. I know I was throwing it as well though, because it felt like I was self-combusting. His reaction told me too, that he felt this. He turned ruddy red, looked hot and faltered when arising appearing to be dizzy. He was affected. I have no doubts about that.

The third party in the room at the time commented that THEY felt the room had gotten unbearably hot! The room's temp I'm sure was unaltered via thermostat - it was the occupant's energy generated. Small room, intimate grouping + exceedingly intense interaction/flaring = high energy put forth.

[Jinxu]

I never asked, no. The 2nd time I experienced this (i.e. the co-worker) the heat was incredibly strong coming from him, as felt by me. I know I was throwing it as well though, because it felt like I was self-combusting. His reaction told me too, that he felt this. He turned ruddy red, looked hot and faltered when arising appearing to be dizzy. He was affected. I have no doubts about that.

The third party in the room at the time commented that THEY felt the room had gotten unbearably hot! The room's temp I'm sure was unaltered via thermostat - it was the occupant's energy generated. Small room, intimate grouping + exceedingly intense interaction/flaring = high energy put forth.

I have wondered about this heat you're writing about and why you can feel it from another person. The conclusion I'm leaning towards is that people must be emitting something from their body (maybe pheromones?). It can't be triggered by sight, because you can feel it when not looking too. By sounds is ridiculous. The only conclusion left is by smell.

[wotsamattaU]

Pheromones are probably flying about the place, I wouldn't doubt that. ;)

Have you ever walked into a room where a few people are in the middle of something intense? You get hit by that 'vibe' that something is about to happen and it's not going to be pretty?

I think of it in a similar fashion. Any strong emotion thrown toward another (pushed outwards) will be felt. If you're sensitive, it hits you like a wall.

Have you ever frozen someone out, so they would not invade your space? This is the same thing - you've pushed energy so other's keep their distance.

In our instances, our body's are experiencing an extreme reaction - so the energy pushed outward is that multiplied many times over.

[Tsukasa]

I think being the center of attention with any kind of stranger that is like that is unsettling. I saw out of the corner of my eye a guy who was doing that to a group of girls in bikinis in the elevator... not creepy at all.... *edging away*

[Jinxu]

Have you ever walked into a room where a few people are in the middle of something intense? You get hit by that 'vibe' that something is about to happen and it's not going to be pretty?

Have you ever frozen someone out, so they would not invade your space? This is the same thing - you've pushed energy so other's keep their distance.

No, but I was checking out an attractive girl recently while her back was towards me and then somehow she knew and turn your head toward me. This amazes me. How is it that women know if a guy is looking at them? It's like you all have a sixth sense or something.

[wotsamattaU]

I saw out of the corner of my eye a guy who was doing that to a group of girls in bikinis in the elevator

Doing what exactly? (almost afraid to ask)

Jinxu - The gaze is actually felt. The reason is due to the intensity of the gaze/individual. This is why I was linking this primarily with introverted types. The tendency to repress things means that when emotions do surface they are of a much greater intensity than they would have been had they been dealt with originally.

I think most people can feel when they are being stared at. When an intense individual is the one staring though, it is felt to a much greater degree. It feels like a hole is being burned into your back. Sensitive people are also much easier keyed in to these things - it hits them harder. I can sense the gaze of my #2 experience from a great distance and know without turning that it is him.

[rain]

Rain - thank you for sharing your experiences. I find a lot of commonalities between yours and mine.


In retrospect, I think my experiences were examples of hyper-vigiliant infatuation. In that there is something connected to the sense of time in regards to the rush of sensory heat, as you put it.

I was talking to a co-worker of mine- a European, and he found the intensity of my experiences a part of "growing up". According to him (mbti type ESTJ) they were aspects of my psyche conforming to aspects of the other person's perceptions- a mutual kind of infatuation that is open-ended.

He also mentioned that a "real" relationship can only be derived from having lived with someone, and he was amazed that I felt such intensity for people I've barely even spoken to in depth. I have to say, I find his analysis fairly accurate.

Perhaps what this sort of attraction is about is really related to your archetypes. The other person fulfills an aspect of your identity. For example, let's say W. wants to be a dashing hero in your life, so with you, he can act out his persona in that fashion....or You identify with a literary character, let's say, Elizabeth Barrett and you find a man exactly like Darcy...

I think perhaps literature and cultural references have a lot to do with these sorts of "rushes"...in that one immediately finds another who was smitten with the same exact literary archetypes, so in a way it's a subconscious connection to another who's emotionally moved by the same content which leads to a psycho-sexual attraction on some level.

I think though- aside from infatuations, psycho-sexual attractions and lust that love is ultimately a deeper sort of connection which is re-inforced by overcoming trials and tribulations together- but maybe that is also an idealistic representation.

[WaeV]

Is this HEAT related to that 'arrow' I experienced when my gaze met with my crush's?

[DanteFalling]

I often experience "hot flashes" when around people I like. Is that what you're talking about?

[WaeV]

Me? No. This arrow felt more like my heart jumped into my throat and I got this fuzzy feeling.

[Rudy]

I think most people can feel when they are being stared at.

What do you propose is the mechanism for this? That is, through what physiological detection method does someone know they are being stared at?

[Jinxu]

Me? No. This arrow felt more like my heart jumped into my throat and I got this fuzzy feeling.

You're probably talking about the butterfly in your stomach feeling? I know what you're talking about. It feels the same as when someone jumped from behind you. It's called be shocked or surprised I believe.

[Zsych]

Random comment: I met this girl on a plane, and I kinda thought that she was into me. Interestingly, when my arm touched hers, I could feel some serious heat coming from her, through the jacket I was wearing :P

[Frag]

What do you propose is the mechanism for this?
Cognitive bias. ;-)

[wotsamattaU]

I wouldn't even consider him my typical type but there was something about him which made me think we were exactly alike. When he moved across the room, I could feel him shifting with my back turned. It was a keen awareness of his mind

In my 3rd experience of this, that is exactly how it began. I could sense someone acutely even when I was not looking. Every time I went through the room I felt that sensation again - as if there was a corresponding energy there. This was not the same as when you feel someone gazing at you. This was an awareness, a magnetation without even having seen the person yet.

The second time, I felt an acute sense of being "hunted" or "watched". Everytime he was in the same room, everyone in the room felt our attraction towards each other, despite the fact that we could do nothing about it. People even made commentary about it to my embarrasment. There was something animalistic about him, he was what I considered a "civilized brute"...Maybe Rudy Henkel would know about the term, I think I read it in one of his posts.

This was true of my 2nd experience - definitely being hunted leading up to it. Also, when others are in the room with us I have noticed their expression. It must be like watching a train wreck - particularly early on when things were at a fever pitch between us.

Rudy - would you explain the term "civilized brute" for us? Thanks.

then when I first saw him, I felt as if I saw through him, in all his emotional complexity. I felt too terrified to do anything about my overwhelming attraction towards him because logically, I was concerned with the consequences of my actions, and the thought of losing control over my emotions was unacceptable to me.

Yes - with my 2nd experience we do see right through all the layers of one another. You explained his reaction superbly. It is terrifying - it's that sense of impending loss of control.

Third time, we just got on like fire. There was something about him that made me feel inevitably protected and safe. Again, I felt after the initial, accidental meeting, there was a magnet tied to my brain to his, and I couldn't help but wanting to connect to him, while at the same time, there was this overwhelming fear of losing myself, and a kind of self-preservation took over. It's part wanting to connect- and at the same time, fearing that connection.

My 2nd time also I felt entirely protected and safe. Actually, I feel more like 'me' when I am with him than at any other time ever. Being there in the same space feels like I'm Home. Now this is really unusual, but I will relate it any how.

After that Attraction Rush between us, the strangest thing occurred. For some time after that whenever we'd be in the same room, there seemed to be a magnet in the other which had a pull on our gaze. This was highly embarrassing, but we found ourselves speaking to each other's nether regions. It was as if to remove your gaze you'd have to manually use your hands to jerk your own head away. It was mortifying! I'd never had that happen before, nor experienced it since. (Thankfully!)

Introverted men quite typically are able to break through that boundary of invulnerable emotion, so that when with them, I don't need to pretend nor smile. However, most of the time, I find it is the type of connection that is too intense to be acted upon. I'm wondering if they has ever been any couples who have actually had successful relationships with others in which they possessed a keen limerance for. My guess is no.

If there is anyone out there reading this who has, I hope you step forward to tell us about it.

In retrospect, I think my experiences were examples of hyper-vigiliant infatuation. In that there is something connected to the sense of time in regards to the rush of sensory heat, as you put it.

I was talking to a co-worker of mine- a European, and he found the intensity of my experiences a part of "growing up". According to him (mbti type ESTJ) they were aspects of my psyche conforming to aspects of the other person's perceptions- a mutual kind of infatuation that is open-ended.

This is most interesting. I would say that could be true of my first experience, but not the following two.

He also mentioned that a "real" relationship can only be derived from having lived with someone, and he was amazed that I felt such intensity for people I've barely even spoken to in depth. I have to say, I find his analysis fairly accurate.

His amazement tells me he has never experienced this. Thus, I'm not buyin' it. ;) It could be true in some cases, but I know the other two I've had are different scenarios.

Perhaps what this sort of attraction is about is really related to your archetypes. The other person fulfills an aspect of your identity. For example, let's say W. wants to be a dashing hero in your life, so with you, he can act out his persona in that fashion....or You identify with a literary character, let's say, Elizabeth Barrett and you find a man exactly like Darcy...

I think perhaps literature and cultural references have a lot to do with these sorts of "rushes"...in that one immediately finds another who was smitten with the same exact literary archetypes, so in a way it's a subconscious connection to another who's emotionally moved by the same content which leads to a psycho-sexual attraction on some level.

Very interesting points you're bringing out rain! But - I'm rejecting this in the cases of my last two.

I think though- aside from infatuations, psycho-sexual attractions and lust that love is ultimately a deeper sort of connection which is re-inforced by overcoming trials and tribulations together- but maybe that is also an idealistic representation.

It took four months for love to grow between my future husband and I. When I realized it, this was due to an extreme tenderness I found myself feeling towards him. I had never felt anything so tender and caring before in my life. The bond strengthened the longer we were together, and there would be 6 years before we had to face any real life troubles. Though in the first few years especially we were crazy to spend more time together (could not wait to see one another again, dreampt about each other and so on) never at any time did I experience an intensity of emotion similar to my three Attraction Rushes.

[Jinxu]

In my 3rd experience of this, that is exactly how it began. I could sense someone acutely even when I was not looking. Every time I went through the room I felt that sensation again - as if there was a corresponding energy there. This was not the same as when you feel someone gazing at you. This was an awareness, a magnetation without even having seen the person yet.

Another theory I have for this phenomenon of yours is what I call 'magnetic resonance.' Your brain emits a electromagnetic field and I believe each person's field has a unique signature . Magnetic resonance is what I describe as when two similar (or complementary) minds pick up each other electromagnetic field signature and begin to resonate with one another as a result. Sound waves have demonstrated this phenomenon. Each object has it's own sonic frequency. When you emit sound waves towards an object at its own frequency, the object will literally vibrate in resonance.

Note: This is just an early draft of a theory and some changes may be made as more is known. I wouldn't be surprised if someone else already came up with this theory.





Jinxu added to this post, 275 minutes and 10 seconds later...

I want to expand on this further. There is a theory called the conscious electromagnetic field theory that attempts to explain how people's conscious are related to their brain's electromagnetic field. The theory proposes three points:

The first is that the brain generates its own em field, a fact that is well known and utilized in brain scanning techniques such as EEG.

The second is that the brain’s em field is indeed the seat of consciousness.

The last cemi field proposition is that the brain’s (conscious) em field can itself influence neuronal firing.

That concept of information encoded as an electromagnetic field is actually a very familiar one. We routinely encode complex images and sounds in em fields that we transmit to our TV and radio sets. What I am proposing is that our brain is both the transmitter and the receiver of its own electromagnetic signals in a feedback loop that generates the conscious em field as a kind of informational sink.

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I think the statement in bold gives some support to my theory. The proposal could be expanded to say that people can pick up other people's electromagnetic signals in addition to their own.

[ENFP]

Rohsiph, it is very interesting that you peg your experiences as being that of intellectual compatibility. It makes me wonder if that is the only component to it though. If this occurs with someone you also find physically attractive, then you have at least two areas of compatibility/criteria met. Perhaps there are more things falling into an alignment for you than you are aware of. If you find them otherwise non-appealing, then I guess it would be strictly an intellectual meshing. This sounds much like the highly coveted Mind Mate. Would that be accurate?

[/I]

I think we would all like to know what triggered the Significant Moment of overwhelming attraction!
In general, I tend to think of both stronger and weaker feelings as some kind of wake-up calls, pointing my attention to something, tagging it with "Attention now - this is Important!". Then I have to find out 'afterwards' using every functional competence I have access to in my psyche, (feeling, intuition, thinking, sensing) WHY it is important, since that part is not something my feelings will lay out for me. They just kind of make sure that through the constant haze of extravert intuitive perceptions rolling over me, they sort it all out and single out a situation, a topic, a person, an event, an experience, a sentence, an idea etc. that should get in the foreground of my mind, demanding attention.

My Significant Moment had been impossible had I not been physically attracted to him, had he been less intelligent, had he been all logic, no creativity, had he been shallow, conventional, bragging etc. Lots and lots of dealbreakers constantly sift my impression of people and give me the limits for the kind of interaction I'm willing to have with them.

I'm with you, Wot, when you earlier in this thread described how more and more areas of compatibility are turned on, or semi-conscious doors of emotional access are secretly unlocked until... yeah. You fall.
Hot as hell, check. Philosophically smart and articulate, check. Artistically creative, check. Strong and unconventional, check. Multilayered self-irony, check. Considerate, respectful and gentle, check. Interesting and original, check. Interested in me as I am, oh my, (check) yes he is!
Then a turmoil of urgency: What's going on? F*ck - what do I do? Flee, fight, play dead, make out? I'm in trouble, this can't be true, but yes, he has seen me deep, I've seen him deep. It's too real for comfort, but makes you prefer reality over comfort. But you are also afraid to fool yourself, you also know it's 'just' feelings based on very little actual no-nonsense communication and experience with each other. There need to be made several reality checks, since working my self into visionary enthusiastic extrapolation of the smallest hints is not foreign to me (ENFP anyone?).

[wotsamattaU]

The last time I experienced an Attraction Rush, I was at a party. It was a small family affair and my husband and I were one of two couples who were not related to these people. I knew four people out of the 25-30 there.

Each time I walked through the dining area, I felt a pull coming from the left side of the room. Giving a casual glance and not recognizing a soul, I continued on and was soon involved in conversation with several women all considerably my elder. One had made an effort particularly to engage me, and I found I enjoyed her company very much.

For several hours it was this way - someone would draw me in to conversation, I would feel this (shift in energy, a magnetic pull) always on that one side - but I never congregated over there. If I left the room and returned, there was that sensation again. It did not feel as if I were being watched, so I was not uneasy. It was just a niggling sense of awareness tugging at me.

Now the party is almost over, everyone has dined and whomever is left has gone to the living room/front room to visit. My husband and I sit on one couch, and immediately opposite a couple is already there. The woman was the one I had been speaking to for some time, and found her most agreeable. Wait - there was that sensation again! It was coming from her husband, a man in his 70's.

Now I'm pleasantly surprised because at last I get to converse with whomever it was who possessed this magnetization I'd been experiencing.

He was fit and well dressed and I found myself enjoying his presence even before we spoke. It was just a feeling of smiling to yourself, a sense that now you are among friends you could say just about anything on your mind and be accepted, just relax and enjoy easy laughter.

In less than 10 minutes the process began. First revelation - occupation (for he is still working) and with that I felt I knew suddenly why it seemed so effortless being around him. My #2 and #3 Attraction Rush experiences are both in the same general field. I tend to interact with ease amongst people in this general vocation. Everything just seems to flow with them without my trying.

Then in quick succession - as in #2 - a series of exchanges which revealed incredible compatibility/similarity both of interests, expression and humor. I felt those first few switches trip, with a stirring in my gut. Right then I wanted to leave the room, because I sensed this 'thing' was about to happen again. But I could not go back through the kitchen, they had now gated their (people-aggressive) dog there. I could not leave through the front door - that would be odd. I thought about heading down the hallway just to get up and walk a bit - but turned that idea down sensing what I really needed was fresh air. So I remained seated and pushed down this sense that the out of control feeling was going to trip again. I would deny it from occurring with all of my might.

Wrong. With our next few exchanges there it went - all switches flipped back on. I actually sensed this release (of energy?) from my gut. It began as a stirring but with the sudden intensity of the Attraction Rush I felt it push forward towards him. I was burning up inside again and wishing I could just about die or sink through the floor or some such thing. His immediate wolf grin told me he had felt it. Oh I wanted to disappear! I could not wait to get out of there.

We left soon after as others began heading for home it made for an easy escape.

On the ride home I was filled with a raging, primal sense of awakened sexuality. This was some new twist to the experience! I was more than confused as to why. Again, the sensation did not leave for some time and it was very disturbing, unsettling. I was once again very much shaken. Never before had I ever experienced such intensity of sexuality. This man was nearly 30 years my senior! What the heck?

Upon reflection I could see the similarities in my last two Attraction Rushes. It became pretty clear there were some uncanny compatibilities at play between myself and these two men. What was going on with the first one, I do not know. Perhaps it is as some of you suggested, a simpatico brain wave which was somehow detected.

One last thing - that man's wife who I got on so well with. It came to me later the similarities between myself and her. So much alike were we, that the realization came it was as if she were ME pushed forward some 20 odd years! Not only in temperament, interests and tastes - but presentation as well. That was a real Twilight Zone moment. :stunned:

[Jinxu]

Another theory I have for this phenomenon of yours is what I call 'magnetic resonance.' Your brain emits a electromagnetic field and I believe each person's field has a unique signature . Magnetic resonance is what I describe as when two similar (or complementary) minds pick up each other electromagnetic field signature and begin to resonate with one another as a result. Sound waves have demonstrated this phenomenon. Each object has it's own sonic frequency. When you emit sound waves towards an object at its own frequency, the object will literally vibrate in resonance.

Note: This is just an early draft of a theory and some changes may be made as more is known. I wouldn't be surprised if someone else already came up with this theory.


Jinxu added to this post, 275 minutes and 10 seconds later...

I want to expand on this further. There is a theory called the conscious electromagnetic field theory that attempts to explain how people's conscious are related to their brain's electromagnetic field. The theory proposes three points:



I think the statement in bold gives some support to my theory. The proposal could be expanded to say that people can pick up other people's electromagnetic signals in addition to their own.

Any thoughts? Anyone?

[Frag]

Yes. The non-theory you propose is essentially telepathy which your own citation explicitly states is not possible within that (other) non-theory.

[Jinxu]

Yes. The non-theory you propose is essentially telepathy which your own citation explicitly states is not possible within that (other) non-theory.

The only way to counter a theory effectively is with a good explanation. A claim with no basis means nothing, is not taken seriously and is essentially ignored.

Also, I'm not proposing telepathy. I'm proposing a sixth sense that human may have.

[Tsukasa]

Perhaps it is an evolutionary advantage from when humans where hunted on. Those that were more cautious with their surroundings were able to survive better than those who were not; ie being very alert.

[rain]

Another theory I have for this phenomenon of yours is what I call 'magnetic resonance.' Your brain emits a electromagnetic field and I believe each person's field has a unique signature . Magnetic resonance is what I describe as when two similar (or complementary) minds pick up each other electromagnetic field signature and begin to resonate with one another as a result. Sound waves have demonstrated this phenomenon. Each object has it's own sonic frequency. When you emit sound waves towards an object at its own frequency, the object will literally vibrate in resonance.

Note: This is just an early draft of a theory and some changes may be made as more is known. I wouldn't be surprised if someone else already came up with this theory.

I believe this theory corresponds with synchronicity. Also, on a more basic level, in the way that electrons are either repelled or attracted to the other.

The brain, does indeed have a unique signature- and I agree what magnetic resonance is really determined by complementary aspects of thinking styles. That is why I think it is important to assess the voice of the individual. The voice is the physical embodiment of the unique signature in your brain. Basically, I can talk to someone very briefly and know if I am going to like that person or not.

In my previous cases of limerance, I recall that despite my hyper-vigilant awareness of the other's presence, that ultimately perhaps it was because I had heard the voice first before I saw the person, which in turn, made my brain tune into their particular EMF frequency.

[wotsamattaU]

I believe this theory corresponds with synchronicity. Also, on a more basic level, in the way that electrons are either repelled or attracted to the other.

rain, could you expand upon this please - with my #2 Attraction Rush there are many coincidences/synchronicities.

The brain, does indeed have a unique signature- and I agree what magnetic resonance is really determined by complementary aspects of thinking styles. That is why I think it is important to assess the voice of the individual. The voice is the physical embodiment of the unique signature in your brain.

This is what confuses me; the voice can be changed, and does in fact change throughout our life to some extent. People can work on their inflection, tone, cadence, accent, etc. with end results quite different from how they sounded previously.

In my #1 I felt the wall of energy before I was even introduced to him, though he had heard me speaking. In my #3 AR, I was aware of the presence but not the voice. (it was lost or highly muffled in the din of the room)

Perhaps it is an evolutionary advantage from when humans where hunted on. Those that were more cautious with their surroundings were able to survive better than those who were not; ie being very alert.

I have read that big game hunters know not to stare at their intended prey, because they will sense it and move off before the trigger is pulled. (Same for deer hunters.)

During WWII, RAF pilots were taught not to stare down their opponents before firing, as they too would sense it and change their pattern/course.

There are entire books relegated simply to the topic 'Why can we feel people staring at us?'. I was unaware of that before, but would like to check into that a bit more now. It is an interesting phenomenon.

[rain]

rain, could you expand upon this please - with my #2 Attraction Rush there are many coincidences/synchronicities.

If you describe some of the coincidences/synchonicities, then I will have a clearer picture this theory.

This is what confuses me; the voice can be changed, and does in fact change throughout our life to some extent. People can work on their inflection, tone, cadence, accent, etc. with end results quite different from how they sounded previously.

The voice doesn't change- it may sound slightly different under certain circumstances and take on many accents- but ultimately your voice is exactly like your fingerprint, a particular unique voice that no one else possesses.

In my #1 I felt the wall of energy before I was even introduced to him, though he had heard me speaking. In my #3 AR, I was aware of the presence but not the voice. (it was lost or highly muffled in the din of the room)


What was your experience with #1 again?

[wotsamattaU]

If you describe some of the coincidences/synchonicities, then I will have a clearer picture this theory.


Our paths coincided prior to actually meeting each other face to face (we were at the same place/same time against all odds among a huge populous)
Even when the situation would make us assume we would not see one another again, wrong - the most extraordinary events occur which bring us face to face yet once again.
I had a most unusual occurrence in my private life, as it turns out he had the same experience during the exact time span. Same relationship/same contact/same result/same time period
There are family situations which mirror the other's i.e. we are going through the same thing at the same time.

It just goes on and on. I am no longer so surprised at these.

What was your experience with #1 again?

Attraction Rush #1 (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)

[rain]

Our paths coincided prior to actually meeting each other face to face (we were at the same place/same time against all odds among a huge populous)
Even when the situation would make us assume we would not see one another again, wrong - the most extraordinary events occur which bring us face to face yet once again.
I had a most unusual occurrence in my private life, as it turns out he had the same experience during the exact time span. Same relationship/same contact/same result/same time period
There are family situations which mirror the other's i.e. we are going through the same thing at the same time.

It just goes on and on. I am no longer so surprised at these.



Attraction Rush #1 (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)

Can I ask what the extraordinary occurence was?

[wotsamattaU]

I won't go into detail here. Suffice to say, it's a matter which would be about a million to one odds (or better). It just doesn't happen. This is not only my point of view, but the opinion of others related in the same field.

[Storm]

So, do these attraction rushes every occur for longer than a few minutes?

[wotsamattaU]

In my instances it's like an adrenalin rush - the 'charge' stayed with me for some time. It's not over and done with in 5 minutes.

[Frag]

The only way to counter a theory effectively is with a good explanation. A claim with no basis means nothing, is not taken seriously and is essentially ignored.

Also, I'm not proposing telepathy. I'm proposing a sixth sense that human may have.
Actually, its *your* claim that needs supporting evidence. Thats how scientific theories work.

Electrical/magnetic fields from human brains are simply far too weak for that to be a viable concept. Really.

[Storm]

In my instances it's like an adrenalin rush - the 'charge' stayed with me for some time. It's not over and done with in 5 minutes.

How long is "some time?" A half hour, a day, a few days, a week?

[wotsamattaU]

Storm - why do you ask. Do you think you have experienced one?

The first time I went through this was 20 years ago. I could not tell you precisely how long it lasted.

The last two times, I would say approximately 24 hours. It is difficult to pinpoint, because once your system returns to normal there are still the emotional after affects.

This is a very unsettling experience, it shakes you up internally to your core. It is something you process for a long time afterwards, trying to make sense of it all.

Even when you are back to a physical baseline, you still remain altered - there is the knowing that something very substantial has taken place. For me it was a highly confusing experience.

[Storm]

Storm - why do you ask. Do you think you have experienced one?

No, I haven't. It just sounds to me like people are experiencing a flood of chemicals like those found during infatuation. Thus, I was more pointedly asking you to compare this "attraction rush" feeling to a long-term infatuation.

[Rudy]

There are entire books relegated simply to the topic 'Why can we feel people staring at us?'. I was unaware of that before, but would like to check into that a bit more now. It is an interesting phenomenon.

Confirmation bias (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) is why.

There are two problems with any theory proposing that we can "feel" being stared at.

One: there is no mechanism by which such would be possible, unless you get into the realm of psychic powers. Which, well... that's a whole other argument.

Two: If you have a weird feeling, and you notice someone staring at you, you say: "Oh, I must have felt it." But what about all of the times that someone was staring at you and you never noticed? You wouldn't know that your "sense" had failed at these times. Your brain only notices the successes, and thus only counts those. This is "confirmation bias".

This article is about studies done on the phenomenon:

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[Jinxu]

I have read that big game hunters know not to stare at their intended prey, because they will sense it and move off before the trigger is pulled. (Same for deer hunters.)

During WWII, RAF pilots were taught not to stare down their opponents before firing, as they too would sense it and change their pattern/course.

There are entire books relegated simply to the topic 'Why can we feel people staring at us?'. I was unaware of that before, but would like to check into that a bit more now. It is an interesting phenomenon.

That's very interesting. It would be great to study this phenomenon and to see if you can train yourself to be more sensitive to it. It's sound a lot like a Jedi's power (ie. "Feel the force, Luke" :P).

[wotsamattaU]

No, I haven't. It just sounds to me like people are experiencing a flood of chemicals like those found during infatuation. Thus, I was more pointedly asking you to compare this "attraction rush" feeling to a long-term infatuation.

Okay, my #1 experience - no, it was not the same as in a long term infatuation. I was the recipient of someone else's strong Attraction Rush. We never saw one another again, and I never felt 'attached' to him in any way.

Experience #2 - was mutually experienced, and that resulted in Limerence. It was overpowering on so many levels. There is an abiding sense of a very deep connection and attachment.

Experience #3 - I do not feel any deep based connection/attraction with the individual. If we never meet again it is fine. There is not a sense of emotional attachment or longing.

What mine all have in common is the suddenness/intensity of the experience and the knowledge that this is something extraordinary. I've had long-term infatuations before; this is a different experience for me. The first and third encounters I had, involved zero emotional attachment/investment. The sensations in these rushes is by far more intense than any LT infatuation I ever held. No infatuation ever made me physically dizzy upon standing. Loss of balance and (the fear of) loss of control were never factors in them either. These Attraction Rushes are frightening due to the sudden (panic) awareness of a potential loss of self control being very imminent.

[Jinxu]

Confirmation bias (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) is why.

The same argument can be applied to skeptics, only the difference is in the orientation of their bias. In other words, skeptics find and focuses on evidences that dismisses viewpoints and ignore evidences that support it. Which is the same as confirmation bias.

[Rudy]

The same argument can be applied to skeptics, only the difference is in the orientation of their bias. In other words, skeptics find and focuses on evidences that dismisses viewpoints and ignore evidences that support it. Which is the same as confirmation bias.

Okay, but I don't think you're understanding what I'm saying. If people could really feel when they are being stared at, then they should be able to do it most of the time, which the can't when these things are actually tested. Outside of the laboratory, people only notice the times when they think someone is watching them, and they're right. What about the times you have such a feeling and you're wrong? Or what about all the times that someone is staring at you and you don't notice? You don't know how often that happens.

The few times when you think you "feel" someone staring at you is usually explained by either:
a) Subconsciously picking up on some sensory input, such as a sudden lack of noise when there was previously motion, or

b) An odd feeling which our brains retroactively fit to meet our observation.

[Jinxu]

The few times when you think you "feel" someone staring at you is usually explained by either:
a) Subconsciously picking up on some sensory input, such as a sudden lack of noise when there was previously motion, or

b) An odd feeling which our brains retroactively fit to meet our observation.

That's a fair explanation, but I'm not arguing with you over that. It's a rational explanation, but it doesn't explain how a girl whose back is turn to you can sense that you're checking her out when there is no noise or anything that would have been able to tip her off.

[ENFP]

It just sounds to me like people are experiencing a flood of chemicals like those found during infatuation. Thus, I was more pointedly asking you to compare this "attraction rush" feeling to a long-term infatuation.

I'm sure it has to do with a flood of chemicals... An awful lot of them! :loveeyes:

In my case the Rush itself lasted maybe 5-10 minutes. It was really a very distinct 'Moment'. This includes a phase of building up, a Rush Peak and regaining control. Building up, I felt a tension where I didn't know what happened but still thought I could handle it. Then I was hit by a peak of everything being too much, time disappeared, my body couldn't dance (I don't remember if I could hear the music), I had tunnelvision where only his eyes existed in the world. I became very warm, felt a heavy pressure in my chest and throat, like I was about to explode, got dizzy and afraid to fall or faint, the tension in me / between us became too strong to endure one second longer. So I fled. Headed for the exit, said something about needing air and fled. After breathing deep in the night, and avoiding his eyes when he came to make sure I was ok, I had to a degree collected myself and was able to walk and talk again. Inside me there was still a turmoil and the chemical cocktail lasted well into next day, but not with the feeling of emergency and loss of control anymore.

Like Wot said, the moment itself is both sublime since it's filled with intensity of a loving kind, AND frightening since you loose control over your mind and body. Maybe the expression 'to FALL in love' actually refers to such an experience.
:faint:

The long term effect has been some kind of open-eyes limerence, lasting one year now.
But while I have been infatuated, in love and mildly limerent before, I have never had such a defining moment leading up to it.

I've read about limerence that often the limerent is able to remember the exact moment when limerence hit them. Before reading wot's posts on attraction rush / heat, this has been the closest I've come to a description of such an experience.

[wotsamattaU]

In my case the Rush itself lasted maybe 5-10 minutes. It was really a very distinct 'Moment'. This includes a phase of building up, a Rush Peak and regaining control. <snip> Inside me there was still a turmoil and the chemical cocktail lasted well into next day, but not with the feeling of emergency and loss of control anymore.

This is in total alignment with my #2 & #3 experiences. Thank you ENFP for outlining it so well. In my #1 experience, though I was at the recipient end of it - I still felt his heat/energy for 24 hours. The intensity is such that it takes time for this to substantially dissipate.

[Pcell]

I think I might have had an experience like this recently with someone I was hanging out with and ended up getting into the topic of Virology (of ALL THINGS). I can tell he's interested in me but I had made sure I want to remain friends for the time being, which he seems to be totally fine with.

Anyways, we had a couple drinks in us and we were talking about random stuff while we played darts. We ended up talking about some work I'll be doing in the summer and I started explaining things and got a bit excited, and he was giving me this look like he was in sublime bliss hearing me talk about viruses (I still can't get over that). So I got even more excited about it and got all close and kept explaining things (giving the INTJ stare of the century - I felt as if I was going to consume him any moment). And the whole time he kept up with what I was explaining and was clearly loving the moment.

I nearly exploded and had to back off and take a sip of drink to cool down. I was kinda embarrassed but he was sitting there peached as pie with what just had happened.

It wasn't really sexual..just a feeling of deep connection. Almost like, holy shit he GETS ME. It was overwhelming.

[wotsamattaU]

We ended up talking about some work I'll be doing in the summer and I started explaining things and got a bit excited, and he was giving me this look like he was in sublime bliss hearing me talk about viruses (I still can't get over that). So I got even more excited about it and got all close and kept explaining things (giving the INTJ stare of the century - I felt as if I was going to consume him any moment).

You said you felt like you were going to explode - did you also have other sensations relating to this? (surprise/alarm or panic at how deeply connected you felt, heart pounding, everything seeming to go sideways, dizziness, etc.) Did you give much reflection to this later?

As someone on the other side of your sort of experience, I can tell you it is a fantastic moment. When someone is speaking heatedly of one of their passions in life, they truly come to life. It's such a charge for both participants, I'd list it as one of the more valued experiences we are able share in life.

[ENFP]

So I got even more excited about it and got all close and kept explaining things (giving the INTJ stare of the century - I felt as if I was going to consume him any moment). And the whole time he kept up with what I was explaining and was clearly loving the moment.

I nearly exploded and had to back off and take a sip of drink to cool down. I was kinda embarrassed but he was sitting there peached as pie with what just had happened.

It wasn't really sexual..just a feeling of deep connection. Almost like, holy shit he GETS ME. It was overwhelming.

That's really interesting Pcell!

Are you aware when you release your INTJ stare? Do you decide to do it, knowing that its intensity is overwhelming for the other party? Can it be used manipulatively or is it always an expression of real intensity?

What triggered my Moment was exactly such an INTJ-stare, though at the time I had no idea such a thing existed. I thought I was just being hysterical and reading too much into things, so it was a revelation to find these fora describing what had hit me. :wideeyed:

Perhaps such Moments often include INTJs??? How are the statistics so far, Wot?

Oh, btw, do you know which MBTI-type the recipient of your INTJ stare is? Did it affect both of you equally? (I'm not a native speaker so pls explain 'peached as pie'?)


PS. I certainly felt like he was going to consume me any moment!

[Pcell]

You said you felt like you were going to explode - did you also have other sensations relating to this? (surprise/alarm or panic at how deeply connected you felt, heart pounding, everything seeming to go sideways, dizziness, etc.) Did you give much reflection to this later?

I let myself get to a point where I suddenly realized I was feeling very out of place and not normal. I definitely was alarmed because I never get this way with anyone and I don't remember the last time that happened to me. My heart was definitely pounding too as it was a very intense moment it felt. It was like nothing else in the universe mattered but us. After the fact I was very flushed and embarrassed and had to pull away and drink and play darts and ignore the guy, because if I didn't I don't know what would have happened.


Are you aware when you release your INTJ stare? Do you decide to do it, knowing that its intensity is overwhelming for the other party? Can it be used manipulatively or is it always an expression of real intensity?

Oh, btw, do you know which MBTI-type the recipient of your INTJ stare is? Did it affect both of you equally? (I'm not a native speaker so pls explain 'peached as pie'?)

PS. I certainly felt like he was going to consume me any moment!

Maybe the correct way of saying it is "pleased as pie"? I'm not sure since English isn't my native language either. What I meant was that he seemed very satisfied, happy, and at peace after it happened. I don't really know what type he is, but I can tell you he's way more extroverted than I am and is mathematically inclined (his studies revolve around calculations).

Am I aware when I'm doing it? No. It just happens out of nowhere, without prior warning. It catches me by surprise since I don't usually get that passionate about something with other people.

[ENFP]

What I meant was that he seemed very satisfied, happy, and at peace after it happened. I don't really know what type he is, but I can tell you he's way more extroverted than I am and is mathematically inclined (his studies revolve around calculations).

Am I aware when I'm doing it? No. It just happens out of nowhere, without prior warning. It catches me by surprise since I don't usually get that passionate about something with other people.

Thank you for elaborating, Pcell. I'm exited to hear an INTJs experience of this (since my moment happened with an INTJ at the other end) and am struck by the similarities. I think I will have to ask 'my' INTJ how he experienced the moment. I'm happy to hear that you were surprised too, thus not 'calculating' the impact of your eyes.

Judging from Wots experiences too, it seems that this crazy phenomenon will somehow be obvious to both parties, so I probably won't appear totally ridiculous for mentioning it. :p

Have you and this extraverted guy talked about what happened since? How do you feel about it - and him - now? Are you still trying to make sense of it, wanting more or being reluctant to go anywhere near him again?

Though I'm supposed to be a 'Feeler' MBTI-wise I have in fact been very reluctant to admit to myself that something has happened 'obejctively', i.e. outside of my imagination. Instead I have tried to stick to the rational narrative of events, words and intentions.

We live in different countries, so I have had plenty of time to try to understand the meaning of it all and remain true to my feelings in our contact since. Since I usually feel uncomfortable during undefined tensions (I'm not a great flirter), my reactions can be impulsive and impatient, not out of sound jugdement, but simply to release the tension. :anxious: In that sense the distance between us has been an advantage forcing me to slow down and think before I act.

How have you heard about the 'INTJ stare' before? I've read that some INTJs get misunderstood because their stare is percieved as confrontative, and that some INTJs rather avoid eye contact.
Have you heard other INTJs reflecting on this stare, romantically or otherwise?