Signs that an INTJ likes you...

[steerthestars]

I'm looking to make a big list of all the weird little things an INTJ does to show they like you. I'm only looking for stuff that's kind of particular to INTJs though-- so, for example, offering to buy you a drink is not a particularly INTJ trait.

There can be contradictions in the list too-- INTJs are complex people.

I'll start. The format is this:
An INTJ might like you if:
...they're ignoring you on purpose.
...they're noticing your existance.
...they're being particularly nice towards you.
...they're being particularly mean to you.
...they criticize you a little too much.
...they interrupt their reading/writing/drawing/studying to talk to you.
...they pretend to be interested in the intellectually inferior interests you non-INTJ might have.
...they ask to do the Myers-Briggs test on you.
...they tell you you're probably an INTJ (a compliment of the highest order.)

[Eris]

An INTJ might like you if:
-- You feel like they are annoyed by you
-- They tell you how you can improve aspects of your life

[Adarasnow]

An INTJ might life you if:
-- They consider you perfect for 10 days, and then they pick you apart.
-- Show their heart to you
-- Cry around you

[BlackOp]

If they answer the phone.

[Undead Bonzi]

A sign an INTJ likes you is if they add your name to the list of those who will be spared when they rise to power.

[Hasway]

If they don't fall asleep while you're talking.

[clam]

If they take the effort to talk to you at all.

[SRVcardsfan27]

If they stalk you...

[errrzarrr]

I think ENFx's may answer that better than ourselves. It could be interesting to read their experience with us.

Here is my part:
If they listen carefully to you without interruption or disagreeing and in the end they smile to you.

[steerthestars]

If they answer the phone.


I would have to be in love with somebody to answer the phone. And by "answer the phone," I mean "consider how telephones and mass communication affected both the speed of news and the increase of sohisticated in espionage in the two world wars while sitting quietly, ignoring the ringing phone."

[Freedom Geek]

If you're not on their list of people against the wall when the revolution/singularity comes.

[ptrout]

If they compile a complete workup, history, medical, employment, criminal, what time you goto the bath room, when your last period was.

Planting a GPS tracking unit on their persons.

[steerthestars]

If they compile a complete workup, history, medical, employment, criminal, what time you goto the bath room, when your last period was.

Planting a GPS tracking unit on their persons.

If they steal a handwriting sample from you and analyze it, then photocopy the sample and covertly return the original paper to you.

Not that I would EVER do such a thing.

[Rho1334]

1) Acknowledges your existance
2) Bothers to talk to you
3) "Dumbifies" intellectual concepts for you.

[Lurch]

if:

..you touch them and they don't cringe or freeze in response.
..they touch you in a friendly manner that's more than a passing slap on the arm/back


Sometimes if I think I've caused someone to be ticked off or upset I might give them a pat on the arm or shoulder to try and lighten up the situation, but that's different and doesn't necessarily mean that I like them (though if I actually hated them I wouldn't bother in the first place).

[INTJoe]

Wow, I'm trying to think of ways in which some girl may know I like her and I can't think of much. To me, they are obvious, but to her, they would not be.

Such as, me laughing more naturally around her than around a typical conversationalist. Me stopping what I'm doing and making myself available to her. Me inquiring about things she is interested in as opposed to keeping the conversation 1-sided. Me smiling anytime I see her, even if it's a small smile. Basically, in general, me "noticing" her anytime she is near. Slowing down to intentionally hold a door for her, etc. Seeing her in the break room and going out of my way to go get a snack, etc.

Of course, from her perspective, these would all be very ambiguous gestures. To me, they would be obvious. Damn...that's crazy. We really are hard to read I suppose.

[speedsuit721]

-looking at other person way too often
-obsessively compiling information about other person
-smiling
-making unforced physical contact
-paying a compliment of any kind

If they answer the phone.

YES.

[Jinxu]

An INTJ might like you if:

Don't bother looking for a sign. You won't be able to tell.

[Samoan Corleone]

They're the one to initiate conversation with you.
They come up with a pet name for you.
They tell you about times when they came up with a great plan and it worked. Be sure to pick up on this one, because you'll have your INTJ in the palm of your hands by complimenting their elaborate mind.
They tell you about a time they actually felt something.

[Bobsama]

-Are beyond patience with you.
-Invite you out, or agree to go somewhere they normally wouldn't be seen (like a poor college student INTJ inviting someone out to a big expensive busy mall for a meal and shopping).
-They'll wonder why you were late for something.

[DanteFalling]

If they steal a handwriting sample from you and analyze it, then photocopy the sample and covertly return the original paper to you.

Not that I would EVER do such a thing.

I have done that with every boyfriend. :o

An INTJ might like you if they start making strange lists in your presence about your dietary preferences. You might ask if they are planning a party, to which they will look at you pleasantly with a blank stare. "No, it's just in case."

[Negative]

INTJ doesn't like you: a) INTJ fakes friendliness with you to avoid conflict. b) INTJ plots your destruction.

INTJ likes you a little (neutral) : INTJ treats you with respect, but with detachment.

INTJ likes you fairly well: INTJ is more friendly with you than with other people.

INTJ likes you a lot: INTJ ignores you. INTJ thinks about you often. INTJ stalks you, wondering if you're noticing. INTJ is scared.

[Samoan Corleone]

INTJ likes you a lot: ...INTJ is scared.

Very good, and very rare.

Also, if they admit to you that Lovefool by The Cardigans is their favourite song then you're pretty much in.

[Obsidean]

They're the one to initiate conversation with you.
They come up with a pet name for you.
They tell you about times when they came up with a great plan and it worked. Be sure to pick up on this one, because you'll have your INTJ in the palm of your hands by complimenting their elaborate mind.
They tell you about a time they actually felt something.


Spot on

- They actually ask you to hang out in their room

[songofcalamity]

Wow, I'm trying to think of ways in which some girl may know I like her and I can't think of much. To me, they are obvious, but to her, they would not be.

Such as, me laughing more naturally around her than around a typical conversationalist. Me stopping what I'm doing and making myself available to her. Me inquiring about things she is interested in as opposed to keeping the conversation 1-sided. Me smiling anytime I see her, even if it's a small smile. Basically, in general, me "noticing" her anytime she is near. Slowing down to intentionally hold a door for her, etc. Seeing her in the break room and going out of my way to go get a snack, etc.

Of course, from her perspective, these would all be very ambiguous gestures. To me, they would be obvious. Damn...that's crazy. We really are hard to read I suppose.

Lol, I agonized over this one INTJ's hot and cold situation towards me for over a year (because from observations, it's either he treat someone 'cold' all the way/'hot' all the way and so for him to treat me like this, I was all confused), to only realize that he used to like me. D: And to only think that it has always been him initiating conversations. *facepalm*

Oh, just a question, a few days ago, I tried talking to him (finally!) and I was in the middle of asking him what course he wanted to take after he graduate or something, when his friend interrupted and hurried him back to class. He closed the convo by saying something along the line of telling me his answer later, so is that an invitation for me to start another conversation or is it just so he doesn't have to tell me his answer because it is a personal question?

[Feral]

I tend to avoid prolonged eye contact.
Everyone who I don't really care for, I have no problem staring down.
But someone who I'm into, it makes me feel all awkward :P

[eternaltriangle]

-If it is obvious they googled you

[Storm]

They willingly go out of their way for you.

[Tolandturth]

-If they allow you to participate in an activity, specifically one which they have an established system for, and patiently accept the bizarre and less efficient way you are doing it.

I love the answering the phone one. LMAO

[INTJoe]

Oh, just a question, a few days ago, I tried talking to him (finally!) and I was in the middle of asking him what course he wanted to take after he graduate or something, when his friend interrupted and hurried him back to class. He closed the convo by saying something along the line of telling me his answer later, so is that an invitation for me to start another conversation or is it just so he doesn't have to tell me his answer because it is a personal question?

Yes this question is fair game later.

[Storm]

They tell you.

[Acextreme]

- If they initiate a conversation with you over time, they are interested.
- If they ask you out on a date, they are bloody interested.
- If they ask you out for a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc, dates, they are SERIOUSLY interested in you.

[dotchje]

I like you when:
1. remember your name when I mee t you the second time
2. Pick up the phone,
3. Look at you when you talk
4. Don´t read my e-mail when yuou speaks to me
5. Answer your e-mail by more than 10 words
6. don´t go in a corner to read when you invite me
7. ... answer the INTJ forum questions

[Maayan]

How about if they follow your cues and wait for a response with an expectant look?

[Cthulhu]

-If they allow you to participate in an activity, specifically one which they have an established system for, and patiently accept the bizarre and less efficient way you are doing it.


Yes. For me, asking someone if they'd like to go golfing is my way of saying that I find them to be very interesting.

[lamplighter]

-If they try to act like a human around you
-If they seem to place themselves within your immediate vicinity frequently

[intellael]

INTJ likes you a lot: INTJ ignores you. INTJ thinks about you often. INTJ stalks you, wondering if you're noticing. INTJ is scared.

That is unproductive. Yet, I follow that pattern frequently. Help, I need.

The way to know if an INTJ likes you is if he or she states it or you live in his or her head where all of the chaotic activity is.

Even when I think I am flirting, I am not, from an outsider's perspective. "It is only in your imagination", states my ESFJ friend, my flirting tutor.

[ElstonGunn]

How about if they follow your cues and wait for a response with an expectant look?

That assumes that they got your cues, which isn't a safe assumption, of course. :p

I also don't make much of a noticeable, outward display. To me they all make sense, but I already know that I'm interested. When I had a year-long crush on a coffee barista, all I really did was go there a lot and ask her bland questions like "How ya doing," or mention something about not seeing her in a while if that was the case (which to me is a sign of interest because it shows that I was somehow keeping track of when I had last seen her).

So my answer is effectively "Nothing."

[Latro]

That is unproductive. Yet, I follow that pattern frequently. Help, I need.

The way to know if an INTJ likes you is if he or she states it or you live in his or her head where all of the chaotic activity is.

Even when I think I am flirting, I am not, from an outsider's perspective. "It is only in your imagination", states my ESFJ friend, my flirting tutor.
I've had that experience. There was a girl I liked for probably around 7 months, and after we both graduated I wound up telling her that I had liked her (mainly to try to make peace with it; I didn't expect it to go anywhere, as we were going in completely different directions). She had actually thought I thought she was annoying! It was unpleasant to say the least.

On-topic: I so rarely show romantic interest in anyone and give so few cues when I do that you'd be hard-pressed to tell...but then, that's probably more a flaw with me than anything.

[rain]

I'll start. The format is this:
An INTJ might like you if:
...they're ignoring you on purpose.
...they're noticing your existance.
...they're being particularly nice towards you.
...they're being particularly mean to you.
...they criticize you a little too much.
...they interrupt their reading/writing/drawing/studying to talk to you.
...they pretend to be interested in the intellectually inferior interests you non-INTJ might have.
...they ask to do the Myers-Briggs test on you.
...they tell you you're probably an INTJ (a compliment of the highest order.)

This list seems to apply more towards INFJs....

INTJs, in my experience, typically like you if they're protective towards you, and always makes sure they make time for you, and if they take the effort to find out what your interests are.

[Vyrokashan]

An INTJ might like you if...(In my case)

-They recognize that you actually exist, and are not an image conjured by their brain.
-They do not seem annoyed when you speak to them while they are having "Alone time"
-You suspect they like you.
-They magically sit near you during long road trips. Funny how that works.
-You think they are giving you rude glares whenever they look at you.
-You know how to identify the shallow signs of emotion that might come through their voice.
-They put this list on a forum that they hope you will find so they don't have to tell you the truth in front of your friends that you always seems to be around.

[Latro]

-They put this list on a forum that they hope you will find so they don't have to tell you the truth in front of your friends that you always seems to be around.
You could try referring them to the forum and mentioning your username, heh...

[cindybear]

The particular INTJ I've been dating has evolved.

On Dates 1-4, he kept staring at me and spoke very little. I wondered if we would ever have a comfortable conversation.

For another 4-6 weeks beyond Date 4, the staring continued (during dinner, in the car, during movies, etc.), but now there was more conversation. However, I felt very little conversational chemistry with him.

The first time he took over an entire conversation talking about climate change, I remember feeling baffled that he could talk that much.

For a few months, the lack of conversational chemistry really bothered me, but it's slowly getting better.

He still stares at me, but now he talks. A lot.

[speedsuit721]

Originally Posted by Negative View Post

INTJ likes you a lot: INTJ ignores you. INTJ thinks about you often. INTJ stalks you, wondering if you're noticing. INTJ is scared.

That is unproductive. Yet, I follow that pattern frequently. Help, I need.

The way to know if an INTJ likes you is if he or she states it or you live in his or her head where all of the chaotic activity is.

Even when I think I am flirting, I am not, from an outsider's perspective. "It is only in your imagination", states my ESFJ friend, my flirting tutor.

I am a flirting retard as well. In my mind, because I'm taking time to talk to the man with more than one word responses, it's flirting. To everyone else, I'm holding an everyday conversation.

...you live in his or her head where all of the chaotic activity is.

This is so true. I'm crushing hard on a guy, and I choreographed a whole dance routine around him like Garth did to Foxy Lady in Wayne's World. Have I talked to him once? No.

[lambpox]

- She stares at you whenever you are talking to her; stares at you whenever she has the chance. No, she's not giving you dirty looks or a death glare.
- She seems to be ignoring you. However, she's listening to everything you're saying, with heightened interest.
- Says "hi" to you...and goodbye.
- Is quiet around you.
- Analyzes everything she says before she says it and even when she DOES manage to initiate a conversation, an awkward mess of words spills out of her mouth.
- Sits next to you during a 8 hour long bus trip and watches LOST (because she knows you love it, and so does she) with you on your laptop. That she told you to bring.
- Tells you everything she knows about a certain subject and helps you reach a goal because she genuinely cares. And hates seeing you fail.
- WILL NEVER EVER CALL YOU, out of fear. Yep. This goes hand in hand with the talking thing.
- Ridicules you in a sarcastic manner, yet gives you a handful of compliments for your ideas and "genius" a few minutes later.
- Tells all her friends how much of a prick, egomaniac and self-centered fool you are. When in fact she's oddly attracted to those qualities.
- Laughs at your jokes and sense of humor out of pity. Just because.

It's sort of difficult being in love with another INTJ. He stares at me and gives me compliments for my ideas and always says "I trust your judgment" whenever we're working together...so hopefully that's good?!

[BostonIan]

Circling, staring. Social effort, personal attention.

Video diagram: (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)
0:05-0:37; INTJ, not interested.
1:30-2:07; INTJ, interested.

Edit: And, speaking for myself, uncanny recall. Almost any detail, however small, mentioned in passing, long ago, goes into the permanent memory file.

[Jinxu]

As I have said before. If you're not 100% sure but am at least 60% sure, just assume the other person likes you. This is the point when analyzing the signs become less useful.

[Antar]

I'm looking to make a big list of all the weird little things an INTJ does to show they like you. I'm only looking for stuff that's kind of particular to INTJs though-- so, for example, offering to buy you a drink is not a particularly INTJ trait.

There can be contradictions in the list too-- INTJs are complex people.

I'll start. The format is this:
An INTJ might like you if:
...they're ignoring you on purpose.
...they're noticing your existance.
...they're being particularly nice towards you.
...they're being particularly mean to you.
...they criticize you a little too much.
...they interrupt their reading/writing/drawing/studying to talk to you.
...they pretend to be interested in the intellectually inferior interests you non-INTJ might have.
...they ask to do the Myers-Briggs test on you.
...they tell you you're probably an INTJ (a compliment of the highest order.)

Hahahah I actually considered to ask a girl I like to do the Myers-Briggs test

But anyway, in my case if i like a girl first i usually try to talk to her to know her better. Too bad every time i do this the girl in question ends up to be either taken or not interested in me

[Night Runner]

But anyway, in my case if i like a girl first i usually try to talk to her to know her better. Too bad every time i do this the girl in question ends up to be either taken or not interested in me

In that case, you just have to keep trying. Even if the potential success rate is as low as 5%, this means that you'll only have to talk to 19 girls before you find one that's interested. :thumbsup: Working for a newspaper/magazine will help handle rejection better.

[SpaceCadet]

...if you catch them staring at you with an intense frown... all the time.
...if they suddenly can't look at you at all while actually speaking to you, despite the staring.
...if they constantly crack jokes around you, many of which you are the butt of.
...if they seem to know stuff about you that you didn't tell them yourself.
...if they actually physically touch you. (If I touch someone at all, you can take it for granted that I'm frickin' in love with that person).

[Maayan]

Hahahah I actually considered to ask a girl I like to do the Myers-Briggs test

I was laying in bed with a guy a few weeks ago and had this conversation:

Him: ... you're talking about Myers-Briggs, aren't you.
Me: <I think i was speechless for a good minute or so> Well. Let's see. You're an Extravert.
Him: Damn straight. I'm an ENTJ.
Me: I'm an ENFJ.
Him: Ooh. Really?

... and then, in a painful-to-witness show of overcompensation, I proceeded to engage him in a short debate about string theory.

[Sinequanon]

My guess is she buys you socks and maybe a phone book or somethin' for your birthday.

(Sorry I'm feelin' evil today. Rara is gonna kill me. ;))

[TheLastMohican]

If they answer the phone.
:laugh:

-If it is obvious they googled you

Maybe ... that might mean any number of things, however, especially if you are a potential adversary. (It's usually wise to research your opponents and probe for weaknesses.)

"I trust your judgment"
That is one of the highest compliments.

My guess is she buys you socks and maybe a phone book or somethin' for your birthday.

And if the INTJ is really head-over-heels, she buys diabetic socks and the most recent phone book. (Such upgrades are "taking the relationship to the next level.")

[loosefanbelt]

:laugh:



OR if they promise to meet you... and then they disappoint you... what are you to think???

[TheLastMohican]

OR if they promise to meet you... and then they disappoint you... what are you to think???


Se forgot (and therefore probably isn't into you)
Se pretended to forget (and therefore definitely isn't into you)
Se fully intended to come, but then chickened at the last minute (and therefore is probably very into you)
But then the promise might never have existed in the first place, which leaves you with nothing to do but to try to extract one.

[Storm]

Tells all her friends how much of a prick, egomaniac and self-centered fool you are. When in fact she's oddly attracted to those qualities.

Perhaps some INTJs do this and like these qualities, but I wouldn't assume that all INTJs whom call you a prick, egomanica, and self-centered fool are attracted to you. Se might just think you're a prick, egomaniac, and self-centered fool and want nothing to do with you.

[loosefanbelt]

This is brilliant stuff - so obtuse and feels like the trajectory is turning back in on itself...

[ElstonGunn]

From what I can tell, INTJs generally seem to fall into one of two categories on this subject. The first gives weird signals that'll make you think that they have nothing but contempt or indifference for you. The second takes the position of "This is stupid and a waste of time, so I'll just tell you in a completely unmistakable way that I'm interested." Naturally, this thread is about the first group.

Just thought I'd state the obvious.

[Latro]

From what I can tell, INTJs generally seem to fall into one of two categories on this subject. The first gives weird signals that'll make you think that they have nothing but contempt or indifference for you. The second takes the position of "This is stupid and a waste of time, so I'll just tell you in a completely unmistakable way that I'm interested." Naturally, this thread is about the first group.

Just thought I'd state the obvious.
If only I had someone I was interested in right now so I could be forward for once...

[DanteFalling]

. . .if an INTJ tells you under her breath that she likes you and then looks away and rapid fire explains she hopes you aren't offended but she's decided you should date one of her needy or interesting friends. She'll then likely tell you she will resolve her feelings within 24 hours and not to worry about them anymore (at this point she'll start synching your calendar with that of her needy/interesting friend).

[Jinxu]

. . .if an INTJ tells you under her breath that she likes you and then looks away and rapid fire explains she hopes you aren't offended but she's decided you should date one of her needy or interesting friends. She'll then likely tell you she will resolve her feelings within 24 hours and not to worry about them anymore (at this point she'll start synching your calendar with that of her needy/interesting friend).

We should make a list for regular guys about how to catch INTJ women.

[ElstonGunn]

We should make a list for regular guys about how to catch INTJ women.

In keeping with my "State the obvious" policy, INTJ men also fall into two groups. The group that gets completely hot and bothered by INTJ-ish women, and the type that would prefer to let the human race die out if the only female left on the planet was an INTJ. Exaggerated of course, but hey.

[Storm]

We should make a list for regular guys about how to catch INTJ women.

Short answer: Be someone she likes.

[BlackOp]

We should make a list for regular guys about how to catch INTJ women.

Glue trap and butterfly net.

[malefide]

-obsessively compiling information about other person


Guilty as charged. I had a 50-page dossier on my current boyfriend.

[Latro]

Guilty as charged. I had a 50-page dossier on my current boyfriend.
50...page...? I don't even think I could write 50 pages about myself, let alone anyone else...

[ptrout]

We should make a list for regular guys about how to catch INTJ women.

Err...what will regular guys do once they do catch an INTJ female.

Follow up book, maybe just as important....Now that you've caught an INTJ, how to feed and care for one.

[DanteFalling]

Guilty as charged. I had a 50-page dossier on my current boyfriend.

I even have 50 (constantly updated) dossiers on my ex boyfriends I found so wonderful I'd want to potentially date them at a future point. Yes, I'm a creeper.





DanteFalling added to this post, 7 minutes and 28 seconds later...

We should make a list for regular guys about how to catch INTJ women.


I'd love to. Unlike most of those how-to-catch-a-[]-woman lessons, it will involve simply choosing to be a more interesting person and waiting for her to pounce on you. :P

[Zsych]

Problem 1: How to find an INTJ woman.
Problem 2: Having somewhat similar areas of expertise/interest, and actually being able to say something useful.

I can acknowledge feeling protective about people I care about. As for how someone I loved would know... first I would actually have to acknowledge that I love her. It'd take a lot for me to put aside my aversion to the loss of control that is emotion.

I think I kinda liked an Extraverted Feeling type a while back. I acknowledge that I liked her. But even if she hadn't been married, I'm not sure I'd have really wanted her. I enjoyed her company but she was kinda stupid - although mentally quick in a way. Thought too quickly and messed up too often... Actually I saw her more as little sister that I'd like to teach, material than romantic material :P
Our relationship(?) actually exploded with her thinking horrible things about me. A lot of which were actually almost incomprehensible to me.

[Freedom Geek]

In keeping with my "State the obvious" policy, INTJ men also fall into two groups. The group that gets completely hot and bothered by INTJ-ish women, and the type that would prefer to let the human race die out if the only female left on the planet was an INTJ. Exaggerated of course, but hey.

I fall into both categories, I like INT women but I'm not having kids. Anyway the human race would be dead no matter what was done (baring enough advanced biotech), who would the next generation breed with? If they breed with each other then we die of inbreeding else we die of their not being another generation.

[Feral]

. . .if an INTJ tells you under her breath that she likes you and then looks away and rapid fire explains she hopes you aren't offended but she's decided you should date one of her needy or interesting friends. She'll then likely tell you she will resolve her feelings within 24 hours and not to worry about them anymore (at this point she'll start synching your calendar with that of her needy/interesting friend).

LOL, I used to run guys through my gauntlet of friends before I'd ever consider dating them :P

What was funny is that my friends always knew what I was up to. I didn't give them much of a choice in the matter, though.

[Elfrun]

INTJs are painful! Ya'll know that right!

-obsessively compiling information about other person

How do you do this and is that a common INTJ thing?

If they stalk you...

Like cyber stalk? *raises eyebrow*

[Jgib5328]

It's probably impossible to tell but..

If I talk to a lot of people around you just fine, but have trouble sustaining a conversation with you.

I'll try to say intriguing things around you when I'm talking to other people.

[malefide]

50...page...? I don't even think I could write 50 pages about myself, let alone anyone else...

I definitely couldn't write that much about myself, but what I wrote about him was mostly data...schools he had attended, mental disorders he'd been diagnosed with, hobbies, foods he didn't/did like, mbti type (*ntj), tendencies/habits, sexual desires, skills/talents, etc.

I keep dossiers on a lot of people, even people I don't particularly like. I just figure it pays to know your enemies. :P And I just like organizing info.

[punkyplatypus]

Signs that an INTJ likes you...

if you invite them on a social outing & they agree to go
if they meet you outside your intial meeting place (outside of work/school)
if they get you a present
if they analyze you with a questionaire or a personality test or a microscope
if you can surprise them (excluding surprisingly stupid remarks)
if you make them smile or laugh (again, without using surprisingly stupid remarks)
if you can make them act in a manner uncharacteristic of an INTJ (e.g. they share their emotions with you)
if they seem unsure of what to do when around you
if they argue with you, let you (think you) win, and continue to converse with you afterwards in a friendly manner
if they share with you (or you find) a detailed outline of how they plan on spending the rest of their life and you are mentioned somewhere

[OmegaPsi]

(I can definitely sympathize with the phone thing, man I hate phones... )

Manages to get your name and person as a featured article in Wikipedia.

[ElstonGunn]

I fall into both categories, I like INT women but I'm not having kids. Anyway the human race would be dead no matter what was done (baring enough advanced biotech), who would the next generation breed with? If they breed with each other then we die of inbreeding else we die of their not being another generation.

I didn't mean that literally. I was just pointing out that some INTJ males consider INTJ females to be extraordinarily attractive, while other INTJ males have zero romantic/sexual interest in them.

[loosefanbelt]

I collated the particular items that my ENTJ offered out to me - this may be helpful, or at least it was pleasant for me to reminisce...

*helps you reach a goal because they genuinely cares. And hates seeing you fail.

*interrupt their reading/writing/drawing/studying to talk to you.

*pretend to be interested in the intellectually inferior interests you non-INTJ might have.

*if you can surprise them (excluding surprisingly stupid remarks)

*if you make them smile or laugh (again, without using surprisingly stupid remarks)

*if you can make them act in a manner uncharacteristic of an INTJ (e.g. they share their emotions with you)

*they consider you perfect for 10 days, and then they pick you apart.

*show their heart to you.

*cry around you.

*add your name to the list of those who will be spared when they rise to power.

*they're protective towards you, and always makes sure they make time for you, and if they take the effort to find out what your interests are.

*answer the phone. (my honey taught me how to be on the phone - he called me several times a day. I was never a phone person but he taught me to love it as a way to connect - of course HE carried the conversation)

*constantly crack jokes around you, many of which you are the butt of.

*allow you to participate in an activity, specifically one which they have an established system for, and patiently accept the bizarre and less efficient way you are doing it.

*willingly go out of their way for you.

*seem to place themselves within your immediate vicinity frequently.

*don't fall asleep while you're talking.

*they're protective towards you, and always makes sure they make time for you, and if they take the effort to find out what your interests are.

*listen carefully to you without interruption or disagreeing and in the end they smile to you.

*planting a GPS tracking unit on their persons.

*paying a compliment of any kind. (He was profuse with compliments, I was fortunate)

*are beyond patience with you.

*invite you out, or agree to go somewhere they normally wouldn't be seen

*they'll wonder why you were late for something.

*initiate conversation with you.

*come up with a pet name for you.

*tell you about times when they came up with a great plan and it worked. Be sure to pick up on this one, because you'll have your INTJ in the palm of your hands by complimenting their elaborate mind.

Don't know if that helps the discussion or was just self-indulgent of me...

There are a lot of cool places around here in South Carolina, maybe I can create an INTJ boot camp for speed dating? ;) I'll be the matchmaker.

P.S. Any typos or grammatical errors in the list are not mine but the OP's... Rudy... ;)

[Chain]

You do something really stupid and instead of either ignoring you or beating you half to death with the stick of enlightenment, they go through the pains of explaining your fuck up, why it's fucked up and how to fix it.

Hell, they bother explaining anything at all.

"Fucking moron," is replaced with "that wasn't the wisest decision."

You get more than a wo word response... and it wasn't an answer to a problem.

They start criticizing things that don't affect them.

They start cutting back on the more painful sarcasm.

They don't mind spending large amounts of time around you or talking to you.

[Lurch]

I collated the particular items that my ENTJ offered out to me - this may be helpful, or at least it was pleasant for me to reminisce...

*helps you reach a goal because they genuinely cares. And hates seeing you fail.


... ;)


Hmm, could this be a difference between the ENTJ and the INTJ? Because as an INTJ we ourselves hate to fail, but we see everyone ELSE as a competitor and we secretly rejoice when you crash and burn!!



kidding, kidding....




( ( mostly ) )

[loosefanbelt]

Hmm, could this be a difference between the ENTJ and the INTJ? Because as an INTJ we ourselves hate to fail, but we see everyone ELSE as a competitor and we secretly rejoice when you crash and burn!! kidding, kidding....( ( mostly ) )

It is an interesting question about why that would be... I guess my instinct would be to ask - if you consider that person your special person, would your happiness get wrapped up in theirs?

[Jantei]

... when they've created such a complete mental model of your personality that they can predict your every move!

[Lurch]

It is an interesting question about why that would be... I guess my instinct would be to ask - if you consider that person your special person, would your happiness get wrapped up in theirs?

I assume so, yes.



It was just a tongue-in-cheek type of joke.

[loosefanbelt]

I assume so, yes.
It was just a tongue-in-cheek type of joke.

Okay I missed the snarky expression on your face. ;)

[Lurch]

Okay I missed the snarky expression on your face. ;)

I see...

Well, there's this rumor floating around that we're hard to read, but that's just crazy talk. :wacky:

[runoverazebra]

...if they don't elbow you when you tickle them.

[loosefanbelt]

...if they don't elbow you when you tickle them.

Ooooo that is an EASY test!!!

[Freedom Geek]

Ooooo that is an EASY test!!!

Not very accurate though. I think I would elbow someone if they tickled me even if I liked them. Though then again maybe that has something to do with the fact that the type of person that would do that is not the type I would like.

[loosefanbelt]

Darn, I thought we had the litmus test...

[NoStoneUnturned]

they turn into an ESFP. Dun dun duuuuuuuunn!




or ENFP/ENFJ, sometimes.

[Chain]

It is an interesting question about why that would be... I guess my instinct would be to ask - if you consider that person your special person, would your happiness get wrapped up in theirs?

Why do you think we improve their processes whether they want us to or not?

We show we care by telling you that "you're doing it wrong." If we didn't like you, we'd just ignore you and laugh.

[Plane Stress]

I'd say primarily by ignoring you on purpose. Once you get to know them, they probably like you if they initiate conversations with you.

[Lil]

Lurch wroteBecause as an INTJ we ourselves hate to fail, but we see everyone ELSE as a competitor and we secretly rejoice when you crash and burn!!

This brings up one of my favorite German words (I love the way they just multiply the syllables): Schadenfreuden, which means basically "rejoicing in the misfortune of others." Hehehe.


My INTJ friend says his definition of friendship-- and it's also mine-- is that a friend is someone who will inconvenience him/herself for you.

[runoverazebra]

I think I would elbow someone if they tickled me even if I liked them. Though then again maybe that has something to do with the fact that the type of person that would do that is not the type I would like.

Maybe I should clarify. If they don't elbow you in the face when you tickle them, they like you. It is still likely that you will be elbowed though.

[Freedom Geek]

Maybe I should clarify. If they don't elbow you in the face when you tickle them, they like you. It is still likely that you will be elbowed though.

Maybe I should clarify too. Even if I like you I'm still elbowing you in the face.

[rara avis]

Maybe I should clarify too. Even if I like you I'm still elbowing you in the face.

Maybe: ...if they hesitate infinitesimally before elbowing you full in the face. And then refrain from kicking you before moving to a safer location.

[loosefanbelt]

Thanks - there are still nuances!

[Rudy]

This brings up one of my favorite German words (I love the way they just multiply the syllables): Schadenfreuden, which means basically "rejoicing in the misfortune of others." Hehehe.
The English equivalent is "epicaricacy". Please, use it. :) We don't need all the foreign words floating about. ;)

My INTJ friend says his definition of friendship-- and it's also mine-- is that a friend is someone who will inconvenience him/herself for you.
This is not sufficient sign, at least not for me. I will inconvenience myself somewhat for anyone I don't actively dislike. Friends, of course, I'll do a lot more for.

Similarly, my definition of love is caring more about another person's happiness than you do about your own.

[Storm]

The English equivalent is "epicaricacy". Please, use it. :) We don't need all the foreign words floating about. ;)

"Episcaricacy" has never entered common usage in the English language. It is not listed in the Oxford English Dictionary. The only evidence of its existence are some entries in very early dictionaries, which did not use the rigor of the OED to verify the word was in actual use. They just took some Greek words and threw them together.

I really don't understand why everyone is having such difficulty telling if an INTJ likes them, it's the same stuff you get from anyone else. Well, then again, I'm in the Elton camp - it's obvious because we will tell you. Caveat: but only once it's "safe."

[StrawberryKiss]

- when they refrain from tearing apart your illogical notions just to avoid starting conflict with you
- when they are patient with you despite you being intellectually inferior :P
- when they don't go into autopilot mode in your presence

Those are the ones that apply to me when I like somebody XD

[rain]

- when they refrain from tearing apart your illogical notions just to avoid starting conflict with you
-

Yes, but I bet INTJs would still like tease a little bit, especially about your illogical notion and supposed intellectual inferiority.

[Zsych]

I have to admit to the teasing, and being supportive and encouraging instead of instant distancing from an obvious retard.

I had a lot of trouble trying to understand why I (non-romantically) liked a girl that I really liked. I judge people by their intelligence, goodness and drive/ambition... and she didn't have any of those qualities in even half-decent measure. Well, I actually had the impression that she had been raised wrong, with the wrong behaviors reinforced, and otherwise had a brain somewhere down there :P So I was trying to encourage her to think more... which did not go well(for strange reasons)

[Plane Stress]

If I tease somebody, there is a very good chance that I like them... either romantically or just as a person. I love teasing people, I think it's how I connect to people on a more feeling level.

[Storm]

- when they refrain from tearing apart your illogical notions just to avoid starting conflict with you
- when they are patient with you despite you being intellectually inferior :P
- when they don't go into autopilot mode in your presence

Those are the ones that apply to me when I like somebody XD

Hmm...not me. If I like someone, I'm even harsher on their arguments because I want to make sure they can keep up. (Disclaimer: this does not mean if I tear apart your argument in this forum that I like you in any way, shape, or form.)

[TheLastMohican]

(Disclaimer: this does not mean if I tear apart your argument in this forum that I like you in any way, shape, or form.)
You were getting a lot of members' hopes up for a second there.

[Zsych]

I think the harsher destruction would come if you were looking for a mental equal, as opposed to someone you didn't like primarily for their mind.

And I think we're willing to disprove anyone else. For all that I find enough people here who I have no significant difference in view from, and I'm kinda only saying that there are more aspects to x view.

[Lucinda]

An INTJ Likes you if...

+They are emotionally, physically and mentally protective of you.
+They stare at you.
+They actually start the conversation.
+They acknowledge your existence.
+They are more sarcastic than usual.
+They drown out the voices in their head to pay attention to you.

[Acextreme]

Honestly, an almost sure-fire sign is when an INTJ actually starts talking to you and showing some interest while not doing the same for anyone else and you are sure that you are definitely not one of the brighter ones around...

[MikeC]

An INTJ Likes you if...

+They are emotionally, physically and mentally protective of you.
+They stare at you.
+They actually start the conversation.
+They acknowledge your existence.
+They are more sarcastic than usual.
+They drown out the voices in their head to pay attention to you.

+1

if he/she fancies your physically AND can appreciate your cerebral capacity, be prepared to get stalked. :o

[steerthestars]

- She stares at you whenever you are talking to her; stares at you whenever she has the chance. No, she's not giving you dirty looks or a death glare.
- She seems to be ignoring you. However, she's listening to everything you're saying, with heightened interest.
- Says "hi" to you...and goodbye.
- Is quiet around you.
- Analyzes everything she says before she says it and even when she DOES manage to initiate a conversation, an awkward mess of words spills out of her mouth.
- WILL NEVER EVER CALL YOU, out of fear. Yep. This goes hand in hand with the talking thing.
- Ridicules you in a sarcastic manner, yet gives you a handful of compliments for your ideas and "genius" a few minutes later.
- Tells all her friends how much of a prick, egomaniac and self-centered fool you are. When in fact she's oddly attracted to those qualities.
- Laughs at your jokes and sense of humor out of pity. Just because.


Oh my god, yes! Word to all of this (especially compaining about the person to your friends. When I talk about you behind your back, it's because I want to talk about you.)

And I try to laugh at your unfunny jokes because they're endearing. Not funny.

[mrdude1228]

An INTJ might life you if:
-- They consider you perfect for 10 days, and then they pick you apart.


I'm a little late to quote this, but oh jehuty, this -_-

I'm making leaps and bounds in not treating people inferiorly, but the surest sign I see something in another person is that I have a more positive perspective when speaking to them. Y'know, just pushing myself to be genuinely interested in their points of views. Of course, it tends to be temporary because it's not who I am... but it's a good way to start.

[Elfrun]

- Tells all her friends how much of a prick, egomaniac and self-centered fool you are. When in fact she's oddly attracted to those qualities.

Oh my god, yes! Word to all of this (especially compaining about the person to your friends. When I talk about you behind your back, it's because I want to talk about you.)

What the? :huh:

INTJs are… They’re just… … AAAGGH!

How in God's name is anyone supposed to understand that the person you're bitching about is the one you have the hots for?

Do you guys actually want to avoid the possibility of ever forming a relationship with the object of your affection?

/wrist

[Zsych]

Recognize that its a defensive reaction to avoid being vulnerable, and that they still look at you a lot and maybe hang near you? :P

Although if I were a woman, I'm not sure I would bother with someone like that unless I personally liked him.

[thiagofralves]

If they remember in details what you said, maybe even better than you do.

[Zsych]

Except that I'm likely to know that in a lot of conversations.

[loosefanbelt]

We need objectively observable, quantifiable events and behavior, folks. Give me charts! Give me graphs! Give me litmus paper! Give me a mood ring!

[Imposcillator]

... when they've created such a complete mental model of your personality that they can predict your every move!

QFT.

I wouldn't say every move, but certainly a lot of them.

Every time I've experienced this it has been met with a "Oh, I'm so predictable" on the other side.

Well, guess what. You're not. I just like/love you enough to be able to read you and read ahead. :)

[Jantei]

Every time I've experienced it (i.e. applied it to subjects of interest), I've been met with a certain apprehension and unease. I think it comes across as slightly creepy to some. :(

[loosefanbelt]

Most people are afraid of intensity too...

[ElstonGunn]

We need objectively observable, quantifiable events and behavior, folks. Give me charts! Give me graphs! Give me litmus paper! Give me a mood ring!

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[Imposcillator]

Every time I've experienced it (i.e. applied it to subjects of interest), I've been met with a certain apprehension and unease. I think it comes across as slightly creepy to some. :(

Yes, that has happened to me too but not with subjects of interest because I usually accompany it with something warm and fuzzy and/or sweet.

It still creeps out my best friend when I do that though and we've known eachother for 6 years. She says she feels transparent when talking to me.

[TheLastMohican]

What the? :huh:

As I understand it, those methods have more to do with maturity level than with type. It just takes time to learn that they don't work. ;)

[Kele-De]

A romantically experienced straight INTJ woman will not seriously date an intellectually inferior man. We want someone who can not only hold their own, but will also call us on things when we are wrong. We may appear to take this personally and bite back then ignore you for a week, but rest assured this is a turn on and we will be unable to get you out of our mind. We love sex and might really like you, but we won't jump in the sack with you (without thinking) like we did when we were in our 20s because after compiling a decade of data (including tracking our hormonal vs. mental mood swings), identifying patterns and implementing a system to manage this hormonal chaos, we know that sex too soon creates a false sense of intimacy. If we like you we will tell you. You will know because we are spending time with you. INTJ women do not spend time with men they aren't into unless its political or family or business.

[ElstonGunn]

[...] call us on things when we are wrong. We may appear to take this personally and bite back then ignore you for a week [...]

Where's that "Things the other gender does that annoy you" thread when you need it?

[Velma]

INTJ likes you a lot: INTJ ignores you. INTJ thinks about you often. INTJ stalks you, wondering if you're noticing. INTJ is scared.

Glad to know that my stalker nature is typical of INTJs, although still trying to get rid of this habit. But these are all spot on.

[Calagnethil]

INTJ likes you a lot: INTJ ignores you. INTJ thinks about you often. INTJ stalks you, wondering if you're noticing. INTJ is scared.

That is SO true!! It all comes natural to me (could there be any other way :P). Never seems to work though... :(

This hot-cold thing (interest mixed with "disinterest"): Not being too hot, because then OTHERS will notice as well. INTJs regard their own person in such a respectful way, that they will not "loose face" as being "on the flirt side" - this is especially strong in morally well developed INTJs - and INTJs generally are very morally developed individuals.

However, we would like to give our (secretly) belowed one some special signs that they are indeed chosen by us in the most high manner (my fantasy running off - not reality at all). It is hard to get to them, though, and give clear enough signs. It is especially annoying with all the other people between me and the special one. How to give an unmistakable sign that the other will recognize, without getting odd looks? This I personally find difficult at times, and my "signs" tend either be too abrupt, violantly "out of the blue", or no signs at all (for them to understand). This is all driven by tension, fear, social awkwardness and uncertainness, as well as strong feelings that I need to conceal, but somehow let out as well. To open the doors of my innermost chambers, and let the rushing wind out, would be too strong a force, and socially inapropriate. It should be like in the old days, when you could walk up to the family's front door, and ask for their daughter, and then propose! Then we would get away with all this social jibberish in a moment, and get the family's recognition of our relationship as well.

Sadly, those days are over... So what should an INTJ male do, in the despair of his hot-coldness tendencies, when he never seems to be getting through?

(What do other girls - the girl - think of such stupid behaviour?? What do they think of me and my intentions, and is there any chance of them getting impressed???)

I personally have a taste in a bit more outgoing girls, with a "living energizement" (not necessarily constant). She needs to be smart to a certain degree as well, at least not stupid (that would be unbearable). I figure as an emneagram 5w4, this comes natural, as I am on my best when "inspired", and a half dead introvert copy of myself wouldn't exactly be vividly inspiring in the same way as one "living life with an outward vitality and zest".

Anyone been where I've been? Any advice or comments?

It is especially painful to be driven to pursue a "hopeless case": The forces driving you are so strong; you don't want to fail; yet your intuitive reason tells you there is no sense in this...

[Plane Stress]

I know exactly what you're saying, Calagnethil, except I tend to go for introverted girls which makes it that much harder, because even if they happen to notice my "signs" they'll probably have just as hard of a time letting me know that.

[errrzarrr]

Pays attention to you less-intelectual argument.-

[DanteFalling]

Within a year of meeting you calls you (not just calls you back).

[wotsamattaU]

Excellent post Calagnethil.

The hot-cold thing has been discussed a bit previously. As someone experiencing it from the other side (as the recipient) I can tell you it is confounding!

Here's my input from a thread of yester year: Now seriously... Hunted? (love) (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.")

[Elfrun]

The hot-cold thing has been discussed a bit previously. As someone experiencing it from the other side (as the recipient) I can tell you it is confounding!

Here's my input from a thread of yester year: Now seriously... Hunted? (love) (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.")

Confounding isn’t a strong enough word.

What you said in your other post, so true. That would be my reaction to the hot-cold thing.

It is very clear to me now some of the reasons the INTJ has difficulty connecting for long term relationships. If other INTJ are using this as a standard operating procedure, I can guarantee you this is what is occurring:


You lose them in confusion (the hot and cold phase)
Eventually they give up (due to your perceived indifference, indecisiveness or personality change)
You wear them out (this is extended over too long a period of time without anything verbalized - they have no clue what you want)
They take a step back (your intensity while Hunting is extraordinarily strong & again, very confusing - it seems to materialize out of thin air)

[Chain]

What the?

INTJs are… They’re just… … AAAGGH!

How in God's name is anyone supposed to understand that the person you're bitching about is the one you have the hots for?

Do you guys actually want to avoid the possibility of ever forming a relationship with the object of your affection?

/wrist

Achillies Heel. We are what and who we are. Because the universe is what it is, the very things that make us so adept at excelling at just about everything else we try, are the very very reasons we're so horrible with romance.

We need objectively observable, quantifiable events and behavior, folks. Give me charts! Give me graphs! Give me litmus paper! Give me a mood ring!

:laugh: Other than reviewing this thread and filtering responses, see below.

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:laugh: Gotta love inherent hypocracy.

To those of you "not getting it," look up "schizoid personality disorder," which is highly debatable as a true "disorder." Basically, you can't expect human machines to behave with the same social cues as those that give weight to their own emotions- if we even bother to pay attention to them to begin with. Any "cue" you're going to be looking for is going to be so subtle it's either easily overlooked or easily mis-interpreted. We could be so head-over-heels for you that we're floating in the clouds when someone mentions your name, and unless you've known us for a long time or are an NF who's had extensive experience with our type, you'd never know.

[Seriously]

If they answer the phone.

lol spot on!

[Calagnethil]

Thank you very much Plane Stress for your understanding, and wotsamattaU for your wise counsel from "the other side" (as well as Elfrun for confirming). It is a great relief and comfort that others understand and know my situation. At the same time, it is so annoying that my natural understanding of these things seems so totally out of place! I really would expect this to somehow be the normal "game" everybody is playing. I can in so many ways relate to Fanowene in the other thread. Even though she is a girl with a slightly different background and situation than myself, she thinks very naturally in many of the the same patterns. She also is an INTJ, emneagram 5w4 (I'm pretty sure I am located there). Do anyone thinks this "undergroup" of INTJs especially have these tendencies? Because, although I clearly am INTJ, I can not relate to more than at the most 80-90 % of what is said about us at this forum.

Fitzwilliam Darcy in "Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austin (both of them INTJs) is an interesting character. Both when watching the BBC- series and the movie (I must admit, haven't read the book yet), I could at once relate to and understand Darcy when he suddenly comes rushing in to Elizabeth, stands there, stumbles, seems to want to say something, can't get it out, don't know where to make it of himself, and embarresed and perplexed suddenly rushes out of the room again. In the movie this waitress or someone says right afterwards to Lizzy: "What did you do to poor Mr. Darcy?" She then replies, honestly: "I have no idea."

Is that really so? Are we INTJs really misinterpreted to that extend? As for me, I would expect the girls to react somehow in the same way as I do. Thus, giving hints, but not doing it too obvious. Beeing a bit interested, but not too much. Thus I make it even harder for myself, rationalizing too much about things when I don't even know if there is any basis for forming a relationship. I find it so attractive when girls withdraw, and are not being cheap. I don't want just anyone, but one who knows she is something, and therefore knows being costly. She needs to be worthy of pursuing. If the girl just "lay down there flat" for me, she is too cheap, and is not to be trusted in a long term relationship, I feel. I don't want her to fall for any guy, but only for me.

Besides, I heard someone critizice this "dating thing", saying that when you ask someone for a date, you're not saying "I love you", but saying "I want to try you out". What should be "I want to give you my all!", like in the old time proposal, has now become "I want to see how much I can get out of you". That does not seem reconcilable with the principals of love. Yet I do see a point in at least getting to know the person. If you want to marry someone, you can't expect to change them when you're in the relationship; you need to make sure that the person you're marrying in fact are the kind of person you want to be together with. Thus, thinking of complementary strenght and weaknesses before you go into relationships, will have a big payoff. The main mistake of me and Fanowene seems to be that we try to calculate these things way too much, even before we really know this person (like, in real life, not just in our head), and that even if we do know the person, we still keep on calculating, being too careful, not wanting to rush into things. However, the "simple-minded" does not have as much patience and does not need as much time for considerations and "working things out" as we do. Thus, there is miscommunication, and the INTJ 5w4 wear out the other person, as to the other person, the INTJ doesn't seem to reach any clear conclusion, as they appears to be "hot and cold" at the same time. I think it is true as Fanowene says, that we tend to only go fully for a person if we really know that this particular person is the one we want. Beeing idealistic, romantical and rational INTJs, going in full strength is an immensely powerful tool to be used, and we fear to use it. The bottom line is, I think, that we fear rejection, and at the same time love the other person so much, that we don't want to say " I love you", and then leave.

Perhaps we need to learn to "walk in faith", without knowing. I've tried that before, and it had some early successes. Then I guess I waited and hunted too much, and she eventually lost interest, and "broke off" (there was never really any relationship; yet the issue for me was a substantial one, as it took a while for me to get over my "faith").

Still, I find it mean to just "try someone out". It is disrespecting of their own person. But as the situation seems to be, it is the only way an INTJ with this problem seems to be able to respect him or herself.

My advices are as follow (feel free to comment):

Dealing with INTJs: Get to know them. Take your time, but try to be effeciently progressive, and don't dwell needlessly (on whatever in this context). Find out: Do you want this person? Do you love this person? If your answer is "Yes, I think so.", take it as a "YES!" and pursue this person with ALL your heart, all your mind, all your strength, and all your understanding. DECLARE to them that THAT particular person is THE ONE for you. And see what their reaction is. (If you expected a yes, it can be a no, and if you expected a no, it can be a yes. But then you at least know where the matter stand, and can move on from there.)

Dealing with non-INTJs: I have no idea. I'm an INTJ myself! Someone "normal" help me, and show me how "normal people" think and evaluate! Maybe they "feel" more, are more impulsive and less reflective? Maybe they just go for it, burn their fingers, and don't care too much? Go on, burn their whole bodies, take a cool shower, move on, is finally very lucky, and end up in a "perfect relationship". Is that the way to go? How uninviting and primitive! How can you trust "blind chance" without reflection?

And how can you trust your reflection about the other person when they live in a totally different mental world than you do? Someone "normal" come and explain the "common sense" in these matters!

[Jantei]

Within a year of meeting you calls you (not just calls you back).

Heh. I'd probably do that, if I wasn't such an extreme introvert. But yeah, it often takes me that long, often even longer, until I reach the conclusion that someone's displayed an actual interest in me.

Sigh. Missed opportunities.

[loosefanbelt]

Can't you just say "I, er, like you." Pretty please. Or at least give us the:thumbsup:

[Storm]

Can't you just say "I, er, like you." Pretty please. Or at least give us the:thumbsup:

This is what the sane INTJs do. :cool:

[Elfrun]

This is what the sane INTJs do. :cool:

Awesome so I’m drawn to the insane ones! That bites. All of you "I, er, like you" then try to act like it, it’s all you have to do *face-palm*

[runoverazebra]

Can't you just say "I, er, like you." Pretty please. Or at least give us the:thumbsup:

I've said this before. It didn't bring a good result. That's why I currently stick to smiling a lot around the person I like, although he mostly thinks I'm glowering at him. I guess it's not a very effective tactic either.

[raz1337]

There's this xNTJ girl that I work with. She seems introverted, but she's gone off on me saying she's outgoing and not introverted. I work in a department store in the men's department, and she works at a cosmetic counter at the end of my department. I see her walking around her counter from mine whenever we're both there. She's teased me before, and I brought up that it was a little bothersome, and she said she only teases people she likes. Another girl at work told me that this girl had a crush on me.

She's like 29, though, and I'm 22. An NTJ girl in a department store as an ISTJ is like a breath of fresh air. Like, yesterday, this lady came in with 2 baby rabbits, and me and that girl were at the front of the store holding the rabbits playing with them and talking. She didn't mind when she had her rabbit on her shoulder that I was picking up her hair and putting it near the rabbit's mouth trying to feed it her hair. At one point, the rabbit was nibbling her shirt, and I said, "If it keeps that up, you might end up topless soon" and she just laughed.

Later on, she was telling me she bought one of the rabbits and got a cage for it, so she was thinking of a name for it. I told her, "He might've become too attached to me when I was holding him, I might have to come visit him" and she said something along the lines of, "You think so?" Then later I got her rabbit out of the back office without asking her and walked out to her car with her when we closed and she didn't mind at all. That age difference just keeps me at a distance. I'd be more aggressive if there wasn't such a difference.

[Urbicande]

The problem is that the people we are interested in do not see the difference between our "normal" kind of recluse side and the way we are around them (finally reaching normal social interaction ;-)).

If they could see that we are normally away from people, not very social and so on ... it would be obvious that smiling to them, having interest in what they say, is a great favour and means that we like them ...

Of course, compared to the more social-type ... we still seem "not interested" ... you should get to know us mainly on a one to one basis : If you are allowed to have this special moment alone with one of us, you can try to go forward ... :-)

[Vyrokashan]

Awesome so I’m drawn to the insane ones! That bites. All of you "I, er, like you" then try to act like it, it’s all you have to do *face-palm*

You mean we have to do more? What more could we possibly do?


More signs.
-When you complain about being bored on a vacation, they upload a bunch of pictures they consider funny so that you can stop being bored.(Note that I cannot figure if this is annoyance or attraction.)

[Storm]

That age difference just keeps me at a distance. I'd be more aggressive if there wasn't such a difference.

Ask her to join you for a coffee after work. If she likes you, she'll go. If she doesn't, she won't. If she's truly has something else planned, she'll set up a different date. Simple.

[ElstonGunn]

Ask her to join you for a coffee after work. If she likes you, she'll go. If she doesn't, she won't. If she's truly has something else planned, she'll set up a different date. Simple.

I've heard women honestly give the advice that they should always turn down the first offer, just to see if the guy is persistent. (I take that to mean that he doesn't take the woman seriously and that he values his desires more than hers, but of course that's how I'd take it.) I don't know how often women follow that advice, but it's something to consider if you're the ultra-analytical type.

[Rudy]

I've heard women honestly give the advice that they should always turn down the first offer, just to see if the guy is persistent. (I take that to mean that he doesn't take the woman seriously and that he values his desires more than hers, but of course that's how I'd take it.) I don't know how often women follow that advice, but it's something to consider if you're the ultra-analytical type.
Yeah, this definitely isn't all women, but it's the kind of advice that pisses me off. :angry: I was taught that no means no, in any context, and I take that seriously. If I ask you out, and you say no, then I will never do so again. I don't consider this a loss, because if a woman says "no" as a test, then she not the kind of person I want to date anyway.

[ElstonGunn]

I don't consider this a loss, because if a woman says "no" as a test, then she not the kind of person I want to date anyway.

I'm inclined to agree, but there's always the possibility that she was unsure of what to do, so she went on the internet and got some bad advice from people who didn't have much in common with the guy she was dealing with.

[mdx]

They obsess night and day about you.
They find excuses to e-mail you on a daily basis!
They ask for a lock of your hair!
They are constantly finding ways to be with you?
They ask you a lot of permission questions; do you want me to come to the dance, do you want to go out for dinner, etc.

[blckprljinju]

So many of these apply to me... I was trying so hard to convince myself that I didn't have stalker tendencies...

- You actively decide to help that person for a class you are in together, although he/she doesn't understand the concept anyways

[Latro]

So many of these apply to me... I was trying so hard to convince myself that I didn't have stalker tendencies...

- You actively decide to help that person for a class you are in together, although he/she doesn't understand the concept anyways
I don't get it, why would their not getting it matter so much? Seems to me that their understanding would make it a little more obvious that you are interested in them, since it wouldn't just seem like you were trying to do them a favor but instead just finding an excuse to hang out.

[curiousjane]

Someone "normal" help me, and show me how "normal people" think and evaluate!
Nobody here is "normal". We are members of a typology forum. By nature of its existence, and our membership, we dwell in constant evaluation of cognizance, both of our own and others.

Normal people do not do that.

[ElstonGunn]

Nobody here is "normal". We are members of a typology forum. By nature of its existence, and our membership, we dwell in constant evaluation of cognizance, both of our own and others.

Normal people do not do that.

Yeah. There's also the fact that out of 16 types, no type has a majority, so depending on how you define and evaluate normality, you could argue that the only abnormal person is the one who is "normal."

[Calagnethil]

Beeing normal is not the best thing either. I'm proud to be INTJ! Stalking just indicates we are more desperate to keep in touch than others... because we dwell of them so much, and have such poor social skills. Our analytic abilities and scientific procedures often proves a weakness when it comes to relationships, it seems. Particularly romantic ones. Beeing hurt, Achilles does not focus on his strong, perfect body, but only on his heel that is in pain; his weak point. If over-examined, this will prove a disaster for an INTJ (I've read - haven't quite gotten there myself). This because the source of INTJ confidence is the knowledge systems that they excel in. If they focus on their weak and vulnerable spot, confidence may suffer from that.

We should focus on our strenght, be persistent, and focus on what we want. And most importantly, in this case: Be obvious about your intentions! Don't give in that easily. Remember that Darcy got her on the second try. Earlier on, Elizabeth had said he was the last person in the world she wanted to marry!

Don't make a million "stalking tries". See if a friendship developes, and if you DO try, make it obvious and make it well! Our intensity in love mixed with imagination and creativity, may here weigh up our poor relational skills and our "angst", making us more than capable of achieving our goal, also in this area.

(Or that at least I hope... Any positive or negative experiences or testimonies? About what INTJs did or didn't do when in love, that proved a disaster or a great success?)

[Nanciejeanne]

INTJ doesn't like you: a) INTJ fakes friendliness with you to avoid conflict. b) INTJ plots your destruction.

INTJ likes you a little (neutral) : INTJ treats you with respect, but with detachment.

INTJ likes you fairly well: INTJ is more friendly with you than with other people.

INTJ likes you a lot: INTJ ignores you. INTJ thinks about you often. INTJ stalks you, wondering if you're noticing. INTJ is scared.

I like this post the best so far. As for me, I really don't compile info on anyone...they just don't matter enough...until they really do. Stalking a little, yes, this is true, but I think we just want to decide if you are the right material for us, not waste time on someone that won't work out. Sorta like buying a car. ha ha

I really don't think INTJs really can predict other types too well. At least for me, I don't have any idea what the heck people are thinking and why they do what they do. Most other types don't usually make sense to me, and I don't want to really try to figure it out. But I sure try to think out every possible reason as to why I might do something like that. We are introspective, we judge others' behaviors against why we might behave that way. We don't really try to understand their motivations too much. The Why-s are is a big thing to INTJs. We think "he is just saying that because _______" and we fill in that blank many, many ways. We do sometimes try to learn what other types are doing, copy things that work, and try to act like that (flirt, smile, ask questions, etc.) but it just gets so exhausting, geez.

I think mostly, we just want to figure you out before we let you in. But if you manage to get in, you are WAY in, much more than you (if you are a non-INTJ) think. Probably more -in- than with most other personality types. And we can be ourselves with you then, and we expect you to understand that we still like you...even if we are distant. We don't play those games, and don't expect you to treat us like we do. Those games puzzle us, they are irrational and silly. We do get hurt easily once you cross that threshold, hence the fear. We are really ourselves in there, that is why it hurts so much if the entrant is not who we thought they were. We don't let that vulnerability out too much, please be careful with it.

So...after all of that, I guess if we are bothering with you, asking you real stuff, actually listening and remembering your responses, letting you (OMG!) teach us something, then we are working to figure you out, therefore you are definitely close to being in. I don't know if we ever let anyone all the way in...maybe. I have to think about that part some more.

[music221]

An INTJ may like you if they write a poem about you but refuse to read to you or let you read it.

[blckprljinju]

I don't get it, why would their not getting it matter so much? Seems to me that their understanding would make it a little more obvious that you are interested in them, since it wouldn't just seem like you were trying to do them a favor but instead just finding an excuse to hang out.

It doesn't matter that they didn't get the concept, but at the time (at least for me), that gave me an opportunity to sort of "start communicating" with the said object of my attention at the time. Then I learned he really didn't care whether he passed the class with flying colors or barely, at which point, we just talked to each other without having to include the word macroeconomics, and my attraction to the said guy decreased rather rapidly.

It could be that INTJs don't really want you to think they like you because they're so unfamiliar with the feelings that accompany that attraction (at least for the INTJ who does not utilize the Feeling option), so they try other methods of trying to get attention from the person they have feelings for. During the process of trying to understand the feeling, they inhabit Hot/Cold behavior. But I cannot say this is something that is universal, just observation through my subjective eyes and behaviors.

[idioteque]

I think in my case, I need to know whether I actually like someone - opposing to this thread. I often find that I want to be with this person, but the thought of a relationship makes me feel slightly uncomfortable. Also, I cannot help but verbally destroy them to my friends, to save face or so to speak. I'm odd like that.

Anyway, generically, a sign I like you is if I pour my heart out to you, then find it incredibly awkward to talk to you again. I am not sure if this is true with other INTJs also.

[Zsych]

I think destroying them in front of your friends is a way of not showing emotional vulnerability - to your friends(?)

Maybe you expect they'll make fun of you if you acknowledge that you like someone(probably not anything ill intentioned, if they're friends)

[mdx]

Anyway, generically, a sign I like you is if I pour my heart out to you, then find it incredibly awkward to talk to you again. I am not sure if this is true with other INTJs also.

Same wtih me. It takes a lot of courage to pour your heart out, and then you wait to see if the same is reciprocated from the other person. You do so if you really like the person and are willing to take that chance that you get hurt. Then you think about if you don't tell them hw you feel you may have missed a wonderful opportunity for a relationship. So you take the chance because you want this to work out! Happened to me recently, the other person did not feel the same way, I was heartbroken, but getting over it. Now I can stop analyzing/agonizing if this relationship is going anywhere! I'm currently agonizing over someone else :-)

[echo]

When you can hear the INTJs mouth slam shut when you do something stupid.
When the INTJ tries to be funny without using sarcasm (this rarely works but I try it everytime, insanity?)
When the INTJ is always around you because they think that once upon a time in a psychology class the professor said familiarity leads to affection. side note: is this an actual phenomenon?
When the INTJ displays weird behavior and then observes your response (stares at you)
When the INTJ is always around when you need help

[gestalt]

When he or she shares things like this (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) with you.

When he or she hides little slips of paper scrawled with love-notes hidden around the house.

When he or she tries to engage you in a hypothetical debate about the USS Enterprise vs. a Star Destroyer.

When he or she takes more than 20 seconds to respond to a IM message.

[el girard]

When he or she tries to engage you in a hypothetical debate about the USS Enterprise vs. a Star Destroyer.


Star Destroyer, the Enterprise wouldn't even have a chance.


On Topic: I just ignore them or say mean, hurtful things.

[curiousjane]

When the INTJ watches you when you aren't looking like you are the most fascinating or puzzling science experiment or computer program ever.
When the INTJ tells you he thinks you are enjoyable to be around because he thinks you are delightfully unpredictable and he cannot always figure out what you are thinking.
When the INTJ kisses you at least once in every bookstore you go to together.
When the INTJ sets aside his pet project of the day, just to talk or cuddle.
When the INTJ drives 2 hours every weekend just to see you.
When the INTJ looks at you over dinner or coffee and smiles a secret smile, as if you were a prize that has been won.
When the INTJ tells you he supports you 100% in your endeavors, and that he respects you.
When the INTJ makes it a point to get to know (and win over) your family.
When the INTJ seeks you out, even when you don't know him that well at first, and responds with carefuly dedicated persistance to foster the likelihood of continued interactions, whether online or in person.
When the INTJ brings tissues in his pocket everywhere he goes, just because he knows your allergies act up and you always forget them.

(It was the tissues that first gave it away.)

:love:

[rahdam]

When he or she shares things like this (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) with you.

When he or she hides little slips of paper scrawled with love-notes hidden around the house.

When he or she tries to engage you in a hypothetical debate about the USS Enterprise vs. a Star Destroyer.

When he or she takes more than 20 seconds to respond to a IM message.

I'll take the Star Destroyer.

[enfpchick]

When he just comes out and says it. :lovestruck:

[loosefanbelt]

WARNNG: If you think something is wrong and they act very agitated - you think they may be wanting to deliver some bad news, but actually they want to ask you to marry them. If you freak out and jettison out of there you will miss the invitation.

[Shy18]

INTJ likes you a lot: INTJ ignores you. INTJ thinks about you often. INTJ stalks you, wondering if you're noticing. INTJ is scared.

I do it with two of my teachers. But not the stalking thing. Or done as I graduated yesterday ;)

[ricearoni]

They give you really weird compliments.

[Vyrokashan]

When the INTJ seeks you out, even when you don't know him that well at first, and responds with carefuly dedicated persistance to foster the likelihood of continued interactions, whether online or in person.
When the INTJ brings tissues in his pocket everywhere he goes, just because he knows your allergies act up and you always forget them.



I'll have to keep using this if I want to communicate my interests, then.

-When you are doing something risky and stupid, they stand by, walk slowly towards to end of the slope, all the while attempting to convince you that it will be OK, that they know first aid.
-They make closer friends with one of your friends they know will be around you a lot, and hope you don't notice, as it helps them become better friends with you.

Can anyone non-INTJ confirm of that last one is obvious or not? >.>

[raz1337]

Ask her to join you for a coffee after work. If she likes you, she'll go. If she doesn't, she won't. If she's truly has something else planned, she'll set up a different date. Simple.

I was talking to her throughout the day today as we worked. She was talking about some makeup earlier at her cosmetic counter and I was joking about her being an organic kind of person, and she said she was and then said she was joking with me.

Later, she came around her counter and was looking at me, and she looked weird, I asked her if she just got back from lunch running a marathon. She said no, that she hadn't gone to lunch yet. I said to her, "I think you can skip lunch, you don't need it, just wait until you get off to eat" She said, "You think so?" and I just said "yeah, you can find something else to do on your lunch" She asked, "Like what?" I thought quickly and said, "Well, you could wait until I get off at 3, and we could go somewhere" and I suggested a specific restaurant right there near us.

She said she doesn't eat there, and I said, "Oh, right, because you're that organic girl, I get it. Just forget the idea. I'll feed you grass instead." She just laughed and walked away. I wasn't expecting anything from that. It just happened so suddenly and I did it for the hell of it. Later today, the last time I saw her before I left, we exchanged this 10 second stare where we both smiled and laughed at each other.

[Storm]

I've heard women honestly give the advice that they should always turn down the first offer, just to see if the guy is persistent. (I take that to mean that he doesn't take the woman seriously and that he values his desires more than hers, but of course that's how I'd take it.) I don't know how often women follow that advice, but it's something to consider if you're the ultra-analytical type.

Yes, some women do subscribe to this philosophy. However, I think the much more prudent advice is to not make your life focus around the person you are interested in.

Example: If you have a book club you go to every Wednesday, keep going to it.


@Raz, hmm...it's hard to know how to interpret that. It sounds like she's not interested. Because if she was, she'd probably have suggested a different restaurant if she really doesn't like the one you suggested.

However, like Elston said, some women like to make you ask twice. Dinner is also kind of a big commitment if she's not sure. I'd try one more time, but this time, ask her to something even more casual, like coffee.

[Prunesquallor]

However, like Elston said, some women like to make you ask twice. Dinner is also kind of a big commitment if she's not sure. I'd try one more time, but this time, ask her to something even more casual, like coffee.

I get the impression that this is more about vetting the people you barely know and doesn't apply to genuine acquaintances. A lot of guys will just ask you out because they like the way you look but know nothing of you, because they think 'hey, pretty girl, maybe we'll like each other and at least she's hot, worth a try' which to a lot of girls is 'hey, a hormonal guy. so what else is new?' You know, the whole 'was it me you wanted, or just someone?' thing. I'm not sure that arbitrary rules about making a guy 'prove' he 'likes' you, especially if you're strangers, is worth all that much, but some people like it. Mind games and arbitrary standards are often used to make up for the lack of actual knowledge - then again, some people play mind-games even on their friends...

[raz1337]

Yes, some women do subscribe to this philosophy. However, I think the much more prudent advice is to not make your life focus around the person you are interested in.

Example: If you have a book club you go to every Wednesday, keep going to it.


@Raz, hmm...it's hard to know how to interpret that. It sounds like she's not interested. Because if she was, she'd probably have suggested a different restaurant if she really doesn't like the one you suggested.

However, like Elston said, some women like to make you ask twice. Dinner is also kind of a big commitment if she's not sure. I'd try one more time, but this time, ask her to something even more casual, like coffee.

Well, we chatted some more today. She came over to my department and started cleaning. I walked over to her and we talked for a minute, and then she said the things I was saying didn't make sense, and that I try too hard to make off the wall comments, where as she's able to do it and actually make sense. A few minutes later, I snuck in "We could see who can make better off the wall comments over coffee?" She said no. :(

[IslandHead]

Raz1337, it sounds like she's not that into you.

[Calagnethil]

I did take some brave action to approach a girl I'd just met yesterday night, in a pretty daring, yet only friendly way. She probably guessed I was a bit interested. That didn't matter. I was! But not like I had already decided I wanted to marry her or something. Just this first fascination. We both smiled and enjoyed each others company. It was a great success. It is possible for INTJs as well to be "Don Juan"s. Combining this daringness with our gentle and polite nature, I find very effective. Still - and here comes our real problem - if this had been a girl I was really in love with, one I would have thought about for weeks (or even months), my courage would have not been that strong (despite it really beeing ten times stronger - so much more at stake, need such a bigger man). In fact - based on self knowledge, my feel and experience - I would've been freakin scared and nervous (especially on the inside), at least during the approach time. (Once the setting is "settled", things tends to cool down.) Am I the only one finding this awkwardness fascinating, and even romantic? The more "out of place" an INTJ feels around you, the more important you are to him, and the more he cares about you and deeply loves you.

Of course, INTJs may feel awkward and out of place without being in love. Learn to see the difference. I think the main difference, one that is possible to describe, is wether it is you or not; if you are the center or the cause of their "troubles". If you sense such awkwardness in a person likely to be INTJ around you on several occations during a period of - lets say - two months, this person, if INTJ, is almost certainly deeply in love with you. Your chances should be really good on him (I will not speak for the women here). If you involve yourself gently in his life, you may find yourself hooked before you know it.

An additional tip:

During my approach last night, we asked each other all these "key questions": Education, future, and some related to values (well, in a way, somehow steer the conversation towards the things important to you). In that way, you'll find out pretty quick wether the "special someone" is someone for you, and if (s)he aint, you've saved a lot of mental energy.

[Elfrun]

They make closer friends with one of your friends they know will be around you a lot, and hope you don't notice, as it helps them become better friends with you.

Can anyone non-INTJ confirm of that last one is obvious or not? >.>

Doesn’t work for me. If you become close friends with one of my friends so you can hang around with me I’ll just assume you like my friend *shrug* hell, if they’re the same gender as me I may even assume you really like them.

[dmarie95822]

I absolutely love this site. I haven't met any other INTJ.

I have compiled a list of information on a person that I like
Googled a person that I like
Acknowledged their existence
Let them touch me and not jump, freeze or injure

And I've always thought I was just really weird

[loosefanbelt]

As one matures, you realize there is not time for that hooowie. When you are busy working 70 hour weeks in your careers with crazy hours and so forth, even have trouble setting up time to see each other that overlaps, are relegated to the phone (EGOD!) or internet for any contact - you get better at just getting to the heart of the matter.

So why not learn from an elder - just say it.
The old crone has spoken.

[RiceField999]

...they're ignoring you on purpose.
...they're noticing your existance.
...they ask to do the Myers-Briggs test on you.

Dead on.

- they wait around in perfectly logical situations for you to approach them.
- they spend time with you when you ask for it.

[SongofSeptember]

If they steal a handwriting sample from you and analyze it, then photocopy the sample and covertly return the original paper to you.

Not that I would EVER do such a thing.

I certainly would, but I'm not INTJ.

EDIT: Actually, I'd prefer a scanner.

[JohnDoe]

As one matures, you realize there is not time for that hooowie. When you are busy working 70 hour weeks in your careers with crazy hours and so forth, even have trouble setting up time to see each other that overlaps, are relegated to the phone (EGOD!) or internet for any contact - you get better at just getting to the heart of the matter.

So why not learn from an elder - just say it.
The old crone has spoken.

Seconding.





JohnDoe added to this post, 0 minutes and 55 seconds later...


-They make closer friends with one of your friends they know will be around you a lot, and hope you don't notice, as it helps them become better friends with you.

Can anyone non-INTJ confirm of that last one is obvious or not? >.>

This is shady. Don't do this. Its also obvious to some people (like me).

[Jantei]

I have to agree that if an INTJ asks if you've taken the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, then it's obvious they want to get to know you better.

When I first found out about the MBTI test, I asked just about everyone that I could anticipate a response from to take it, in order to help me gauge its value as a psychometric device.

Then again, I suppose I didn't dislike anyone I asked.

(Then again, I'm not sure I dislike anyone at all.)

[Freedom Geek]

I tried to get people I disliked to take the mbti. Know your enemy and all that.

[mar412]

I don't think it's a great mystery when an INTJ likes someone. I usually just tell someone and/or ask them to do things. I don't see the point in dancing around the issue because I have better things to do besides flirt with the opposite sex.

[curiousjane]

I have to agree that if an INTJ asks if you've taken the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, then it's obvious they want to get to know you better.
Actually, I did this to my guy, off-hand, just to see. When I got the ... yeah ... INTJ .... response I think I broke out laughing. It was our first ever conversation. I was like, "of course you are."

[Aldanga]

I just read all 7+ pages and definitely got a good laugh out of it.

I told one of my best friends that I liked her a couple-few weeks ago. She was shocked, actually, which surprised me a little. I told her that, if she thought I liked her, I was acting in every way to make it obvious to her; if she didn't think I liked her, all of my actions would seem totally normal. She said I did a terrific job because she had no clue I liked her.

Most of the stuff mentioned applies to me if I care about someone, not just "like" someone. If you are somebody who means a lot to me, I'm going to go out of my way to get to know you and help you in any way possible. That's how I show people I love them.

[raz1337]

I'm starting to think this girl I work with is an ENTJ. Yesterday, she had a lot of things to do and got it all done in a few hours, leaving like 3-4 hours until we closed with nothing to do. When I saw her once, she said she was so bored and listed all of the things she had done earlier that day. She was complaining that she didn't know what she was going to do for a few hours. So, she kept talking to other people around her area, complaining to me about how bored she is, doing random stuff, etc. It was driving her crazy to not have anything to do.

Would it bother an INTJ as much to go a few hours in a job with nothing to do? I mean, I'm an ISTJ, and even though I was finding rote work to do, I was still just as bored as her, but I wasn't going around complaining about it. My mind was working all night, and I just spent the majority of the evening contemplating plans for the next few months and what I wanted to accomplish. After a while of her playing up that she was bored, I got annoyed and just started ignoring her.

[Motoko]

This list seems to apply more towards INFJs....

INTJs, in my experience, typically like you if they're protective towards you, and always makes sure they make time for you, and if they take the effort to find out what your interests are.

That is very true about me.
I would argue, therefore, to say that I don't like anyone outside my immediate family because I don't act protective towards others, nor do I make time for them nor find out about their interests...Ha!
This is why I don't seem to really like anyone...

[Calagnethil]

It is probably better to be straightforward than too indirect and dwelling. In the latter case, there may be no foundation in reality for your dreams. In the first case, you might move too fast too quick. This is however better, as there are other potential x-friends along the way. But the best thing, I guess, is to "hurry slowly", and don't be afraid to ask if you judge that your chances are good.

[steerthestars]

I'm starting to think this girl I work with is an ENTJ. Yesterday, she had a lot of things to do and got it all done in a few hours, leaving like 3-4 hours until we closed with nothing to do. When I saw her once, she said she was so bored and listed all of the things she had done earlier that day. She was complaining that she didn't know what she was going to do for a few hours. So, she kept talking to other people around her area, complaining to me about how bored she is, doing random stuff, etc. It was driving her crazy to not have anything to do.

Would it bother an INTJ as much to go a few hours in a job with nothing to do? I mean, I'm an ISTJ, and even though I was finding rote work to do, I was still just as bored as her, but I wasn't going around complaining about it. My mind was working all night, and I just spent the majority of the evening contemplating plans for the next few months and what I wanted to accomplish. After a while of her playing up that she was bored, I got annoyed and just started ignoring her.

She was probably an ESTJ than. (Sensors often find it difficult to distinguish between other sensors, and intuitives.) An N would probably not be bored with hours of free time, because there is always mental philosophizing, making up stories in one's head and Picasso-style doodling to do. Simply put, a lack of activities is a preponderance of brain activities. If she needs work to keep her busy, she's not an N.

[Storm]

If she needs work to keep her busy, she's not an N.

You never get bored? Really? You can't look at an isolated incident (bored at work) and type a person. I use to work at a bookstore and often got bored when there weren't customers. I ended up doing a lot of dusting. But I'm not an S for a myriad of other reasons.

[raz1337]

She was probably an ESTJ than. (Sensors often find it difficult to distinguish between other sensors, and intuitives.) An N would probably not be bored with hours of free time, because there is always mental philosophizing, making up stories in one's head and Picasso-style doodling to do. Simply put, a lack of activities is a preponderance of brain activities. If she needs work to keep her busy, she's not an N.


I'm like that, but it has to be an SJ thing. I have no problem with needing time to contemplate things as an introvert, but I find productivity in actually doing things. If I'm sitting still too long, I feel like I could be doing something else that's more productive.

[d3br074]

possibly visible signs:
-smiling at you or a lot around you
-need to fill all dead space with talking to minimize uncomfortable silences
-afraid to touch you in any way except maybe a handshake
-never interrupts you
-teases or makes fun of you
-talks about his/her problems/shortcomings with you
-*intently stares into your eyes
-**sudden uneasiness/looking away if eye contact is made

*if the INTJ has reason to believe the feelings are reciprocated
**if the INTJ is not certain that feelings are reciprocated

invisible signs:
-being acutely aware of where you are
-self-consciously concealing most outward appearances of affection
-thinking about you interferes with ability to concentrate

INTJ can be very afraid of rejection to the point that they can be too afraid to show their affection if they have any doubts as to whether you like them as much as they like you.

[elsiglo]

Best site I've ever been on, everything is incredibly true. I thought I was the only freak out there who google's a person they like, analyses everything about that person etc... Everything listed here, I've gone through, it's just amazing to see other people in the same boat!

Does anyone else get really, really jealous when a person they like is talking to some one else or that they might being seeing some one else?

[LadyHuna]

...when contact with you can drive the intj into overload, and when the conversation is interrupted they are quickly exhausted after running on such high levels

...when the intj comes alive when around you but leaves the conversation completely impersonal

...when the intj disects all the fools and idiots surrounding you

... when the intj tells you a riddle

[Saturnine]

This thread is gold, it has made me lol'd considering the fact that so many of them are true. I'm comforted by the fact that I'm among many that have freakish stalking tendencies:P

But I have to quote this, because it applies to me a lot at the moment, lulz

possibly visible signs:
-smiling at you or a lot around you
-need to fill all dead space with talking to minimize uncomfortable silences
-afraid to touch you in any way except maybe a handshake
-never interrupts you
-teases or makes fun of you
-talks about his/her problems/shortcomings with you
-*intently stares into your eyes
-**sudden uneasiness/looking away if eye contact is made

*if the INTJ has reason to believe the feelings are reciprocated
**if the INTJ is not certain that feelings are reciprocated

invisible signs:
-being acutely aware of where you are
-self-consciously concealing most outward appearances of affection
-thinking about you interferes with ability to concentrate

INTJ can be very afraid of rejection to the point that they can be too afraid to show their affection if they have any doubts as to whether you like them as much as they like you.

[rsurland]

I think ENFx's may answer that better than ourselves. It could be interesting to read their experience with us.

Here is my part:
If they listen carefully to you without interruption or disagreeing and in the end they smile to you.

That borders on love there...

[Pcell]

Acts silly around you.

[alexanderhope]

An INTJ might like you if:
...they're ignoring you on purpose.
...they're being particularly nice towards you.
...they interrupt their reading/writing/drawing/studying to talk to you.

Personal experience
...I'll think of her everyday - various aspects of her life.
...I'll try to meet their needs (appropriately with much deliberation on my part)

[curiousjane]

Acts silly around you.
Oh, yes. Very true.

But it usually requires my arranging situations and instigating hilarity and ridiculousness to initiate the silly sequence.

I love the look of surprised relaxation and glee that is the result of such moments.

[loosefanbelt]

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

[FelicificAgent]

Things I have noted in myself in order of increasingly clear indication that I/INTJs(?) like you.
They
- recognizing your existence or happen to look at you even if you are not addressing them.
- ask you an innocent, often technical, question just to talk to you.
- smile at you (might just be intellectual respect though, implying possible interest).
- listen eagerly when you speak (usually not apparent though).
- try to improve you or help you be productive (more than others).
- engage more actively in conversations with other people when you are around.
- speak louder than usual.
- try to demonstrate their mental abilities.
- pay more attention to the courses you are in than usual, like reading through the book in advance and actually solve some of the exercises in case you would have a question.
- remember your name, if known you for less than a year and spoken less than five times.
- ask you a personal question.
- try to be sociable or funny (silly?) around you (was true for my teenage years).
- stockpile information about you ("stalking"?) (and thereby happen know things they shouldn't know or wouldn't pay attention to normally).
- contact you within a year (holds for me).
- bluntly say that they are interested (I would not have done this during my younger years if I was in fact interested).

[dandylion]

They have sex with you. Dead giveaway.

[loosefanbelt]

They have sex with you. Dead giveaway.

I think the OP was trying to get from somewhere neutral to that - "you missed that getting to it" nuance.

Hamsters. It is all about the lay with you hamsters.

[SelfInflected]

An INTJ likes you if you see them bump into solid objects either: more frequently, or less frequently when they are around you.





SelfInflected added to this post, 3 minutes and 35 seconds later...

They have sex with you. Dead giveaway.

It's interesting that you use the words "sex" and "dead giveaway" in the same post.

What a great INTJ community service (cough). You know, you could make a killing if you charge for the dead bodies...

/sorry

[OnlyFoundLove]

I read through the majority of this thread and found many of the pointers strikingly true for an online INTJ friend. Unfortunately, the physical signs of knowing how much he likes me can't be applied because he lives about 1000 miles and (as far as I know) we don't have any intention to see each other in person, mostly because for just being friends and me already having a boyfriend, traveling such distances just to see each other would be impractical and borderline unethical, ha ha.

I guess I'm typing in this thread because he's still a bit of a mystery to me in that I don't know HOW much he likes me (and it would be easier to tell if we knew each other in person, I think). A few months ago we exchanged IMs along with other members' of the forum we belong to, so recently that's how we've been talking. Over the past couple weeks I noticed that he's been starting most of our one-on-one conversations, and he likes to start them (I think as a way to disguise simply saying hi to me) with a little candid thing that happened either online or IRL. A couple nights ago he even pulled up a conversation at quarter to 1 in the morning just to say that he was almost done packing (it was quarter to 12 for him, but still).

Whoever said that you had to tell an INTJ about 10 facts about yourself before you can get 1 fact out of him/her hit it right on the money. Makes me think about all the stuff I told about myself to him because I feel like I know a lot about him already. Whoops, there goes the concept of being cautious on the Internet, ha ha. :D

He is also protective of me. We have similar morals so whenever we're in a religious debate on the forums, if I say something and someone else misinterprets it, he'll "come to the rescue" and explain to that person what I meant. He was right all but once, I think.

I don't think he prefers me over a couple of his other friends though, particularly a few that he's known on the forum for a longer period of time. Although he did flat-out tell me once that I was one of his favorite people on the forum, and we can tease each other for... I dunno how long, ha ha ha.

Also, he knows that I have a boyfriend, but... I don't know how to word this... he knows that it'd be wrong to try to snag me whether he'd want to do it or not, obviously, but is it INTJ-ish to secretly want someone while knowing logically that it can't and probably shouldn't happen? Even if the INTJ in question has a firm set of morals? I want to know what you all think of this. Thanks!

[Storm]

Also, he knows that I have a boyfriend, but... I don't know how to word this... he knows that it'd be wrong to try to snag me whether he'd want to do it or not, obviously, but is it INTJ-ish to secretly want someone while knowing logically that it can't and probably shouldn't happen? Even if the INTJ in question has a firm set of morals? I want to know what you all think of this. Thanks!

Are you asking if it's human to want what you can't have? To fantasize? Yes.

[lambpox]

Also, he knows that I have a boyfriend, but... I don't know how to word this... he knows that it'd be wrong to try to snag me whether he'd want to do it or not, obviously, but is it INTJ-ish to secretly want someone while knowing logically that it can't and probably shouldn't happen? Even if the INTJ in question has a firm set of morals? I want to know what you all think of this. Thanks!

Yep, I suddenly was in the same situation; someone I "liked" starting dating a girl. When I found out, I still liked him. However, after a week or so I thought of it as logically not sound and stopped liking him all together. :laugh: That's when I realized how it was merely infatuation and how silly I was for liking him. But, I've only loved someone once in my life. To actually invest myself in one person, to fall head over heals...is incredibly rare.

and some other things I want to add to this post:

- He or she...initiates the hug. Very important, lol. All my very close friends who've experienced this cherish my endangered hugs, haha!

[Jantei]

... the INTJ repeatedly points out hypocritical actions and other inconsistencies in a subject's behaviour.

This is, of course, done as a gesture of good will, in order to help the subject better themselves (i.e. debugging the system). To the INTJ, not saying anything would denote not caring.

(Caveat: More experienced INTJs might surpress this ingrained desire to criticize those they like, having found out that most subjects react adversely to it, and are not likely to act on such constructive criticisms anyway.)

[OnlyFoundLove]

Are you asking if it's human to want what you can't have? To fantasize? Yes.

Well I know that it's human, because I've done it on several occasions. I just wonder if some types are less inclined to do it because they're more logical than some of us silly F's. :P

Maybe I put T's on too high of a pedestal. Yeah, that could be it.

Also thanks for your post lambpox. :)

[Storm]

Well I know that it's human, because I've done it on several occasions. I just wonder if some types are less inclined to do it because they're more logical than some of us silly F's. :P

Maybe I put T's on too high of a pedestal. Yeah, that could be it.

Also thanks for your post lambpox. :)

Well, I will say that INTJs may be more inclined to make elaborate plans to get what many others might think they can't have.

[OnlyFoundLove]

Well, I will say that INTJs may be more inclined to make elaborate plans to get what many others might think they can't have.

More inclined? :laugh:

All right then, thanks. :)

[Lil]

What about if an INTJ points out (A LOT- like in just about every conversation) ways in which you are like him, do things the way he would do them, or think the way he thinks.

"People like US think this way."
"You do this in this way-- I do, too."
"I'm very good at <whatever>, and I can see that you are, too."
"Most people look at the world <this way>, but you and I see things <like this>."
"This <whatever> is important to me, and I can see that it is to you, too."

The similarities that he observes and comments on are things like a talent, skill, orientation, way of looking at things. For example, "most people are either primarily right-brained or left-brained, but I consider myself 'whole-brained,' meaning that I can judge something artistically and also see the logical problem with something. You're that way, too."

Or

"I can see when something in a layout is off by a hundredth of an inch-- I think you can, too."

Lots of examples-- dozens and dozens-- of him pointing out OUT LOUD and often in front of other people how we are alike.

[Mader]

On-line true like???

Much better than real flesh and blood, in the same room.
Human interaction can be so messy.
So, are you happy with your real-life boyfriend? no?

BTW, you are connecting if he is reacting to your words, not just filling up space because the commercials are running during SpongeBob.

[curiousjane]

What about if an INTJ points out (A LOT- like in just about every conversation) ways in which you are like him, do things the way he would do them, or think the way he thinks.
Well, unless that INTJ has already indicated an interest in you, I don't think this necessarily demonstrates any level of affection. It sounds more like an affirmation of sameness, not a declaration of "like".

[OnlyFoundLove]

On-line true like???

Much better than real flesh and blood, in the same room.
Human interaction can be so messy.

I laughed at this.

So, are you happy with your real-life boyfriend? no?

Meh, happy isn't the right word. More like trying to work some things out that will probably work out in the near future once we start talking about it again. I love him to death, though. It's hard, but I wouldn't want to give him up for someone I met on the Internet and most likely will only know through the Internet. In this situation it's better to stick to the relationship I've already got, unless my boyfriend decides for sure that he wants to break it off.

BTW, you are connecting if he is reacting to your words, not just filling up space because the commercials are running during SpongeBob.

Well, sometimes he reacts, sometimes his is just filling up space. I think it depends on the reason why either of us started the IM conversation. Sometimes when stupidity abounds on the forum, he'll want to pull me up on IM and let his frustration go. The other day I was on the forum but not on IM, and he PMed me and was like, "Get on IM..." And then he ranted a bit about something that was going on in some thread.

I guess I'm asking these questions because I want to keep the relationship appropriate. I really like him as a friend but if the possibility is there that he may like me more than that, I don't want to be deceptive or a temptress or anything like that. Know what I mean?

[wittykitty]

If they ask you questions about yourself.

[Lil]

Well, unless that INTJ has already indicated an interest in you, I don't think this necessarily demonstrates any level of affection. It sounds more like an affirmation of sameness, not a declaration of "like".

Actually he has said on many occasions that he likes me a lot, as in, "XYZ is one of the reasons I like you so much."

It's interesting that you wouldn't automatically extrapolate from "sameness" to "liking." Usually when I point out some way that someone else is like me, it's to show that I value that thing in them AND to create some kind of bond.

To me valuing someone + bonding is the very definition of "liking them."

[rara avis]

If they readily- (but totally unnecessarily) - jump up and defend you from Azelismia. :laugh: :lovestruck:

[allyson]

Yes to:

answering your call
"researching" you
thinking about you constantly

...and...

acquiring a collection of 'how to make/keep your man happy in bed' books!

[GrnEyz]

When he/she responds with something other than "uh-huh", "yes", or "interesting."

He/she really likes you when the response is stupid and/or out of character. This indicates great attraction to the point of not being able to form an analytical response.

[SelfMadeBum]

When they value your opinion and actually ask for your input.

[Semblable]

I’ve discovered my romantic interest is a true intj & it explains a lot. But, I still find him enigmatic.

For the past few months, we’ve IMed at least once per week for 1-2 hours. We both initiate. He does not ask me out, but has seen me when I’ve suggested it. We have never spoken on the phone.

He’s lent me books and has offered to lend me more. He seems to recommend things to me based on small details of what I’ve shared in the past. He’s started teasing me a bit and making fun of himself, being sillier I guess.

He’ll occasionally tell me kind of personal things, but not really emotionally – e.g. about exes or stressful situations. Maybe it is emotional and I can’t tell? It always takes me by surprise; it comes from nowhere and I don’t get much information - just a few facts. A while back he, unprovoked, told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship but didn’t want to lose our friendship. It hasn’t come up since. He can be physically intimate and cuddly when we’re alone.

I’ve experienced the ‘stare’ – one of the most strangely intense experiences I’ve had. He looked straight into my eyes with this small smile for what seemed like 5 minutes. I looked away for a while and when I turned back, there he was. Staring.

So, I’d been thinking this doesn’t seem to be going anywhere & that he’s not particularly into me – i.e. because of the endless chatting & not seeming to be overly interested in seeing me. But, after seeing this thread, is it actually going well?? Help!

[SelfMadeBum]

Oh yeah, he likes you.

No worries.

[Samoan Corleone]

If you've got an inside-joke with an INTJ he likes you.

[SelfMadeBum]

When he gets into an political argument with you on messenger and forgets he put water on for tea and ends up scorching his pot really badly... :)

[uneingenue]

they come up to you and say, "wanna f*ck?"

[mjomercy]

I use their given name, instead of the derogatory nickname I assign to everyone else.

[SelfMadeBum]

they come up to you and say, "wanna f*ck?"I don't have to like someone to want to bump uglies with them

[Vyrokashan]

...the INTJ waits for you patiently to stop skipping around with older people, waiting for you to return to him, who so clearly wants to take care of you better than the others.

...Ponder for many hours about something that offended you, trying to know you better by learning what offends you. Ponders it for so long, however, that they forget to apologize.

...He continuosly says intelligent things and treats you well, because he doesn't know how to flirt like a normal person.

[Samoan Corleone]

...the INTJ waits for you patiently to stop skipping around with older people, waiting for you to return to him, who so clearly wants to take care of you better than the others.

I don't agree with this one as much as with your latter statements in your post. If someone doesn't want to be with me I conclude that I shouldn't waste my precious thinking time thinking about them and that there are other people more worthy of thought. Whatever I can do for her better than the "others" is something she's choosing to go without, c'est la vie.

...Ponder for many hours about something that offended you, trying to know you better by learning what offends you. Ponders it for so long, however, that they forget to apologize.

Yeah, I do that. I always think to myself "I must've said something that hit a nerve and that was why she acted a bit cold afterwards." Most of the time it's making something out of nothing.

...He continuosly says intelligent things and treats you well, because he doesn't know how to flirt like a normal person.

By God that hit home hard! When I first engaged in flirting I had no idea what I was doing, so I just tried to use big words (they were smart girls) and bring up random facts that'd be relevent to whatever we were doing (for example, if we were drinking Fanta I'd bring up that I'd read somewhere that Fanta was created by the Coca-Cola company to sell to the Nazis as an alternative to Coke). I got better at this flirting art a little and now I avoid saying awkward things unless I'm trying to be funny and unless I know the person I'm with understands my oddball sense of humour.

[mayumi]

-If it is obvious they googled you

:D this i do, everytime. If INTJ adds you out of the blue to all the networking sites you keep.

[brecia]

I'm looking to make a big list of all the weird little things an INTJ does to show they like you. I'm only looking for stuff that's kind of particular to INTJs though-- so, for example, offering to buy you a drink is not a particularly INTJ trait.

There can be contradictions in the list too-- INTJs are complex people.

I'll start. The format is this:
An INTJ might like you if:
...they're ignoring you on purpose.
...they're noticing your existance.
...they're being particularly nice towards you.
...they're being particularly mean to you.
...they criticize you a little too much.
...they interrupt their reading/writing/drawing/studying to talk to you.
...they pretend to be interested in the intellectually inferior interests you non-INTJ might have.
...they ask to do the Myers-Briggs test on you.
...they tell you you're probably an INTJ (a compliment of the highest order.)

OMG!!! i do all that!





brecia added to this post, 12 minutes and 21 seconds later...

INTJ doesn't like you: a) INTJ fakes friendliness with you to avoid conflict. b) INTJ plots your destruction.

INTJ likes you a little (neutral) : INTJ treats you with respect, but with detachment.

INTJ likes you fairly well: INTJ is more friendly with you than with other people.

INTJ likes you a lot: INTJ ignores you. INTJ thinks about you often. INTJ stalks you, wondering if you're noticing. INTJ is scared.

oh! sooooooooo true :cheesy: OMG!

i even lost the guy i like because i ignored him for 2 months .i didn't know what to do when he was around me. i was so tense and nervous.and i'm 29!!!! pathetic i know!
but he was the stalker not me! stalking is annoying.he should have come to me directly and try to be my friend first.no one has a chance with me if he is a total stranger to me .i have to know the person at least to some level.a friend of mine or a friend of a friend etc... a connection needed imo.
and he was hot!! soo hot! :(





brecia added to this post, 188 minutes and 48 seconds later...

Best site I've ever been on, everything is incredibly true. I thought I was the only freak out there who google's a person they like, analyses everything about that person etc... Everything listed here, I've gone through, it's just amazing to see other people in the same boat!

Does anyone else get really, really jealous when a person they like is talking to some one else or that they might being seeing some one else?


if their facebook profile is open to everyone ,it is also a great source of information :laugh:
i do google the person i like,too!
also i would do analyze his handwriting if i could do.

i bought a book about it.imo it is something can be accurate not %100 solid facts but can give hints about the person.of course the one who does the analyze should be a pro.

[Roland Ansgar]

The INTJ might like you if:

1. He speaks to you at all.
2. A conversation lasts longer than 1 minute.
3. He offers to help.
4. He looks at you to see your reaction to something stupid someone just said. Then you exchange smiles.
5. He let's you into his private space. Usually this is where he retreats from the rest of humanity.
6. When lying in bed, he tells you his secret fears, or that sometimes he thinks he's going crazy. (i.e., The Aviator, when Howard tells Kate about his crazy thoughts.)

[tyyrslady]

I thought my rabid hatred of phones, dislike of being touched, staring/observing reactions and my obsessive cataloging of likes/dislikes/habits of those I care about was just me.

Especially the phones and being touched part. Those two traits right there drive my friends and family nuts. My son is an ENFP, my daughter is an ENFJ, and my husband is an ISTP. I feel for my son some times because he is a very touch/feely/clingy sort that thrives on constant physical contact - and I catch myself pushing him away.

My friend has a daughter that always wants to hug me when she comes over, and I find myself at times fighting the urge to scream 'Don't touch me' and flee. I love her dearly, she's a good kid, but I cringe and find ways not to be around her when she comes over to visit with my daughter just to avoid the hug.

To be sure, my husband and kids have come to know me well enough to know (most of the time) when it's okay to touch me and when it's not.

I think one of the biggest fights of the household was me moving my computer to a public/central location instead of hiding up in my room. I've only had my desk out in the open for 9 months so far... and I fight the urge every single day to haul it back upstairs to my room.

Letting someone into my personal space, talking on the phone with them, letting them touch me, and knowing their personal quirks/habits/likes/dislikes are sure fire methods of any of my friends knowing that I care for them - even if they do not know it.

[overthought]

When I like someone;

I probe their thoughts on a topic trying to see how they approach it.
I try and predict their MTBI type.
I ask and listen to things they clearly are excited about.
I bring up what they talked about a few weeks ago with some new thought about it.

If I really, really like them I might even modify how I communicate to take into account their feelings and what makes them happy.

[runoverazebra]

If they extend their stay 3 weeks.

[Sir H]

An INTJ might like you if:

-They see you and are inclined to come near you/sit by you.
-They compliment your work.
-They tell you that you're one of the few people who think like them.
-(In my case, at least) They remember your name. And use it.
-You frequently turn around to catch them watching you.
-They start to comment on almost everything you post on a social networking site (and whether or not you know this, they're going through everything you've written there that they can access, looking you and your family up on Google, looking you up on other social networking sites, and postulating for hours about your family and past, and how those things gave you the issues you have today...).
-You 'happen' to start to run into them a lot more often, suddenly.
-They have awkward conversations with you about what's wrong with you.
-They voice their disagreement often and pick your words apart.
-They choose you, of all people, to rant to when they're feeling angry or sad.

[OwenKhan]

If I do any of the following and you're female... I'm definitely interested in you:
initiate conversation
ask to spend time with you
touch you
open up, or tell you anything about myself
pick you apart or tell you what I think you could improve
call you anything other than your name. (shortening it counts)
ask you to take a MBTI test ; )

[tinapay]

If an INTJ did everything you have all listed in the last 10 pages for around 4-5 months (he actually acts somewhat like a boyfriend already), then suddenly became uncommunicative, what would the reason be? 3 weeks after that, he said "I'm not good at being close to people. Sorry. Bye"

What would be his problem? :huh:

[Veronica Hales]

That is unproductive. Yet, I follow that pattern frequently. Help, I need.

The way to know if an INTJ likes you is if he or she states it or you live in his or her head where all of the chaotic activity is.

Even when I think I am flirting, I am not, from an outsider's perspective. "It is only in your imagination", states my ESFJ friend, my flirting tutor.

I find that other SF people tutoring don't really work for me. INTJ have to learn it on their way - research, study, and practice. Pick up lots of books you can find about relationship. You will probably find some good books. Practice on mirror and practice on your friends - if they are honest good friend they will gladly give you geniune feedback. That's how I became better.





Veronica Hales added to this post, 10 minutes and 16 seconds later...

I've had that experience. There was a girl I liked for probably around 7 months, and after we both graduated I wound up telling her that I had liked her (mainly to try to make peace with it; I didn't expect it to go anywhere, as we were going in completely different directions). She had actually thought I thought she was annoying! It was unpleasant to say the least.

On-topic: I so rarely show romantic interest in anyone and give so few cues when I do that you'd be hard-pressed to tell...but then, that's probably more a flaw with me than anything.


It seems that a lot of INTJ males as they get older, they seem to become more confident and at ease with themselves. Usually the way they show affect by that time is try to be friendly and talk a lot with that person and at one point, make physical contact and/or say that he likes her with direct eye contact.





Veronica Hales added to this post, 13 minutes and 33 seconds later...

This list seems to apply more towards INFJs....

INTJs, in my experience, typically like you if they're protective towards you, and always makes sure they make time for you, and if they take the effort to find out what your interests are.

It seems like F side is coming out when INTJ is in such state so it might be true, but you are right also. Hm.

[BlizzarD]

at first they try to ignore you, to learn more about you, stalkering from a distance...
after some time they try to talk with you, about anything

[Veronica Hales]

-
It's sort of difficult being in love with another INTJ. He stares at me and gives me compliments for my ideas and always says "I trust your judgment" whenever we're working together...so hopefully that's good?!

I think YES .... :) :)

It seems long term stable love relationship "grows" between INTJ pairs. Even though there are some difficulties that's ok I think - given that INTJ is very royal to their mate and endlessly willing to 'work at' the relationship.

Also for INTJ, although there are sudden attraction to some SFs, usually NT instinct/logic tells them go for more similar types and end up with more with similar type like NF or NT.





Veronica Hales added to this post, 30 minutes and 43 seconds later...

I collated the particular items that my ENTJ offered out to me - this may be helpful, or at least it was pleasant for me to reminisce...

*helps you reach a goal because they genuinely cares. And hates seeing you fail.

*interrupt their reading/writing/drawing/studying to talk to you.

*pretend to be interested in the intellectually inferior interests you non-INTJ might have.

*if you can surprise them (excluding surprisingly stupid remarks)

*if you make them smile or laugh (again, without using surprisingly stupid remarks)

*if you can make them act in a manner uncharacteristic of an INTJ (e.g. they share their emotions with you)

*they consider you perfect for 10 days, and then they pick you apart.

*show their heart to you.

*cry around you.

*add your name to the list of those who will be spared when they rise to power.

*they're protective towards you, and always makes sure they make time for you, and if they take the effort to find out what your interests are.

*answer the phone. (my honey taught me how to be on the phone - he called me several times a day. I was never a phone person but he taught me to love it as a way to connect - of course HE carried the conversation)

*constantly crack jokes around you, many of which you are the butt of.

*allow you to participate in an activity, specifically one which they have an established system for, and patiently accept the bizarre and less efficient way you are doing it.

*willingly go out of their way for you.

*seem to place themselves within your immediate vicinity frequently.

*don't fall asleep while you're talking.

*they're protective towards you, and always makes sure they make time for you, and if they take the effort to find out what your interests are.

*listen carefully to you without interruption or disagreeing and in the end they smile to you.

*planting a GPS tracking unit on their persons.

*paying a compliment of any kind. (He was profuse with compliments, I was fortunate)

*are beyond patience with you.

*invite you out, or agree to go somewhere they normally wouldn't be seen

*they'll wonder why you were late for something.

*initiate conversation with you.

*come up with a pet name for you.

*tell you about times when they came up with a great plan and it worked. Be sure to pick up on this one, because you'll have your INTJ in the palm of your hands by complimenting their elaborate mind.

Don't know if that helps the discussion or was just self-indulgent of me...

There are a lot of cool places around here in South Carolina, maybe I can create an INTJ boot camp for speed dating? ;) I'll be the matchmaker.

P.S. Any typos or grammatical errors in the list are not mine but the OP's... Rudy... ;)
Wow, this ENTJ guy seem to have a lot of INTJ friends in the forum or...???? The list seemed repeated word by word from previous posts! ??????

[purplesue]

I'm the most difficult person to read because I ignore anyone I don't have a reason to be talking to. If I like you I will look at you when I think you won't notice, I will not mind if you get into my personal space, I will laugh at everything you say (if your funny), I will most probably be facing you at all times, I tend to touch my hair and play with it but I also do that when I'm bored. The biggest one I do that drives me crazy is mirroring the persons actions like sitting in the same position or looking at the same thing because I do it with out noticing and feel foolish afterwards.

I don't flirt and I'm not the most intelligent person in the world so I either ignore you or make a comment on the current situation. I shy away and expect the guy to make the first move but this doesn't work so I'm prioritizing a few things for me to make the move but feel comfortable which at the moment seems impossible.

All the comments on this thread I half agree with or think I'd never be caught doing that. I don't google people but I might try it, I've googled myself before though.

[daydreamer]

A romantically experienced straight INTJ woman will not seriously date an intellectually inferior man. We want someone who can not only hold their own, but will also call us on things when we are wrong. We may appear to take this personally and bite back then ignore you for a week, but rest assured this is a turn on and we will be unable to get you out of our mind. We love sex and might really like you, but we won't jump in the sack with you (without thinking) like we did when we were in our 20s because after compiling a decade of data (including tracking our hormonal vs. mental mood swings), identifying patterns and implementing a system to manage this hormonal chaos, we know that sex too soon creates a false sense of intimacy. If we like you we will tell you. You will know because we are spending time with you. INTJ women do not spend time with men they aren't into unless its political or family or business.

if we like you we will tell you... agreed. intj's also don't typically spend personal time with anyone they aren't into, male or female.

[tracemhunter]

When every text message is grammatically correct, concise, and sarcastic.

[Conkt]

I generally take a softer, less condescending tone on someone I like.

[caryatid]

They start to comment on almost everything you post on a social networking site (and whether or not you know this, they're going through everything you've written there that they can access, looking you and your family up on Google, looking you up on other social networking sites, and postulating for hours about your family and past, and how those things gave you the issues you have today...).

Ha! My INTJ friend does this to me. Or at least the first part of it - I can't speak to the stalking. The funny part of it is, though, that I have some serious stalking tendencies myself and have run the full cyber-stalking panel on her. I find it hilarious that my INTJ and I have probably been stalking each other this whole time without knowing what the other is up to.

[Thunderscribe]

He's typical. Stick with it. Many INTJ's are similar. Some can never learn to interact well in the manner you desire, but many do.
If he's worth it to you, be patient and pay attention to how he communicates.
Likely, he'll open up like a flower when things fall into place and he truly feels comfortable with you.

Good luck.

[Necrosis]

I Lol'ed. Everytime someone posts does this INTJ like me it's always the same thing. Were tough to wait for, but we are worth it :) as I'm sure you are too of course. As you start to feel more comfortable with him, just be open and direct. Alot of times I don't come out and say it because I'm playing in my head the 50 million ways I can tell you I like you. The comment about not wanting a relationship might be because he sees potential flaws, (We are overly critical) and might simply need to be comforted that you can get past it. Give it time, but again don't be afraid to be direct and ask why he is hesistant.

[Smacknrat]

Seen this before...

No wonder INFPs hate spiders... Always the same routine.

BTW, just be aware that he'll always get his way in the end you 'P' ;)