Attractive girls and indifferent guys

[Samoan Corleone]

Ok, at high school, there was this one girl who most of the guys saw as "the hottest." They'd all be scheming about how to get her, and stuff. If she ever talked to some of the shyer guys they'd stutter, and shit. She mostly hung out with her girlfriends, or the guys who considered themselves to be at the top of the social ladder that they put together one night at Joel's place. I guess they were also intimidated, but not as much as the shy guys at the bottom. Anyway, me choosing to be oblivious to social ladders and such, can honestly admit to never being scared of her, or any other girl for that matter. Every time she talked to me, I conversed with her as if she were anyone else. I guess at times she was a bit suprised, as I kind of got a "you're not shaking like I'm holding a gun, jumping to the floor and kissing my feet, or whistling admiringly at my ass! What the fuck's wrong with you?!" vibe. Once, during English class, after I made one of my sardonic remarks that had the class rolling, she was like "Oh, I love you [Samoan Corleone]." in front of everyone. At the time, it felt like a she-missed-the-final-episode-of-The-Sopranos-but-I-taped-it-and-she-was-ecstatically-grateful type of response. I still think that's what it was. Maybe, she noticed I was the only guy who acted indifferent towards her, and she tried to make me be like every other guy, I don't know.

Reading the above, maybe I'm just flattering myself (I'm not a narcissist, I swear), but [getting to the point] how do girls who are attractive, and who are accustomed to the special attention that this entails, react to guys who act indifferent? This is not a "Oh, does she like me?" thread, mind you. I'm just curious. We're just friends, and I'm not losing any sleep over her. She's in the friend zone with me, because:

a) She's just not the type I'd want for romance, and
b) NF chick still has my attention.

[Ramiel]

Not sure. Nobody ever seemed to like me for being "indifferent" as you say it.
Anyhow she certainly has noticed that you are not putting her on a pedestal. Now her response might be of two kinds:

a) "He's not adoring me... finally someone with some self-worth and backbone!"
b) "He's not adoring me... WHY? Why is he not adoring me? Puny mortal must not dare to remain indifferent to my charms! Aaaaarrrggghh!" (okay, this is exaggerated... but just a bit)

In the end it all depends on how much self-absorbed she is. Not wanting to cast any judgement, but it's very easy for people who receive this kind of attention to become VERY self-absorbed. Unless they are unusually intelligent and manage to reason beyond their Ego.

[Feral]

If I were the girl in this scenario-
I'd see it as a challenge... granting that I have any interest myself in the guy.

But I may be a poor example.

[Harmony]

By know means was I the hottest, but there were certain groups that liked me for more than just my looks....they liked my attitude and personality too. I would wager that you are correct in her trying to turn you into one of those stuttering guys. Back in high school if there was a guy that didn't give me the kind of attention his friends did, I set out to figure out why.... I'd guess she's probably pushing different buttons to see if you react to any of them. Keep doing the indifferent thing and she'll probably drive you crazy (after she has gone crazy trying to figure out why you don't react to her).

[Tragic Hero]

Ok, at high school, there was this one girl who most of the guys saw as "the hottest." They'd all be scheming about how to get her, and stuff. If she ever talked to some of the shyer guys they'd stutter, and shit. She mostly hung out with her girlfriends, or the guys who considered themselves to be at the top of the social ladder that they put together one night at Joel's place. I guess they were also intimidated, but not as much as the shy guys at the bottom. Anyway, me choosing to be oblivious to social ladders and such, can honestly admit to never being scared of her, or any other girl for that matter. Every time she talked to me, I conversed with her as if she were anyone else. I guess at times she was a bit suprised, as I kind of got a "you're not shaking like I'm holding a gun, jumping to the floor and kissing my feet, or whistling admiringly at my ass! What the fuck's wrong with you?!" vibe. Once, during English class, after I made one of my sardonic remarks that had the class rolling, she was like "Oh, I love you [Samoan Corleone]." in front of everyone. At the time, it felt like a she-missed-the-final-episode-of-The-Sopranos-but-I-taped-it-and-she-was-ecstatically-grateful type of response. I still think that's what it was. Maybe, she noticed I was the only guy who acted indifferent towards her, and she tried to make me be like every other guy, I don't know.

Reading the above, maybe I'm just flattering myself (I'm not a narcissist, I swear), but [getting to the point] how do girls who are attractive, and who are accustomed to the special attention that this entails, react to guys who act indifferent? This is not a "Oh, does she like me?" thread, mind you. I'm just curious. We're just friends, and I'm not losing any sleep over her. She's in the friend zone with me, because:

a) She's just not the type I'd want for romance, and
b) NF chick still has my attention.

No-one is going to give you a direct answer to your question unless you actually ask the question you want answered.

[dalidaisy]

Well, here's my 2 cents on the subject, not that I'm overly attractive, but I have been on plenty a pedestal.

Being raised to a position of power for something you have no real control over is a dangerous thing. When you are deemed the prettiest, the smartest, the funniest, you then have a responsibility to perform the duties of that role. You can either accept it or reject it. I think most people, though they may not admit it, enjoy the power that comes with being put on a pedestal.

But, it changes you, jades you, if you will. You see things from a different perspective than others. Then, at some point, people lose sight of who you really are & only see you in that position they've put you in (although, deep down, you really are just like everyone else, a snowflake). No one bothers to understand you. They just simply think, well, she's the prettiest girl, she has the power, I want her but I'm not good enough for her or I want her & I'll stop at nothing to get her, etc. You become an object to people.

Being objectified by the masses can be a lonely place (look at celebrities who whine all the time about having no REAL friends). So, when you notice someone who is not buying into the hype, who doesn't objectify you, it peaks your interest.

As for this girl, I don't think it means that she wants you or anything (although she might latch on if she's lonely & you're the only person she thinks isn't full of shit), she probably just appreciates the fact that you are indifferent to the stereotype, that you don't treat her like everyone else does.

You know, it really bugs me when people place negative connotations on someone because they happen to be graced with beauty or brains & just happen to be popular. And, it's also painful to watch those people be treated as though they aren't like the rest of us...

EDIT: Or she could be completely consumed with vanity & be offended because you aren't paying her the attention she feels due. I have known girls like this. It is unfortunate, but, if I was you, I wouldn't concern myself with it. There is nothing you can do about it except be glad that you are immune to her charms & have your pick of the less vapid girls...

[MaleVolentworld]

If you show indifference then they can get offended, call you gay etc

[Synamon]

how do girls who are attractive, and who are accustomed to the special attention that this entails, react to guys who act indifferent? This is not a "Oh, does she like me?" thread, mind you. I'm just curious. We're just friends, and I'm not losing any sleep over her. She's in the friend zone with me, because:

a) She's just not the type I'd want for romance, and
b) NF chick still has my attention.


I'd guess she thinks of you the same way. You are her friend.

[zibber]

how do girls who are attractive, and who are accustomed to the special attention that this entails, react to guys who act indifferent?

(edit: Somewhat to paraphrase dali,)

I think the indifference might (subconsciously) be refreshing, as sort of a release from the typical cultural hierarchy (here based to a large extent on appearance).

(Also, what do you mean by the missed Sopranos episode line?)

[rain]

Here is a different spin: Maybe she just likes you as a friend? Personally all the beautiful women I know tend to go for men who treat them well. It doesn't seem like you're indifferent- but you talk to her like she is a person and not a doll, so if she does fancy you, perhaps that is the reason why.

[MaleVolentworld]

Ok she actually was offended that I didn't fancy her so did call me gay. Nevermind, she used to fondle the much younger boys at school. No I'm not at school anymore, I don't know why I'm talking about school, leave me alone.

[llBradll]

how do girls who are attractive, and who are accustomed to the special attention that this entails, react to guys who act indifferent?

My guess is that she thinks you're a breath of fresh air. Indifferent guys are much more uncommon than attractive females. She no doubt knows this. She probably likes you and may have been tasting you by saying she loves you to see if you would reciprocate.

[MadmanMSU]

Just an alternative opinion, sometimes attractive women are put off by indifference. For example:

There is an amazingly attractive blonde who works at these wine tastings I go to. I've seen her before and idly imagined what she would look like naked, but my second thought was always that she seemed like an idiot. Mind you, I'm basing my opinions purely off of the sight of her (in my general experience, really attractive women aren't incredibly intelligent because they don't have to be). Fast forward to last night, I find out she is acquaintances with a good friend of mine and that she is working on her Masters degree. My first remark? An incredulous "Seriously?! In what, massage therapy?!?!"

My point is that sometimes the intense beauty can be as much of a barrier as anything else.

Now I have to find out what she's getting her Masters in....attractive women can't be smart, it just doesn't happen!

[MaleVolentworld]

It's probably because handsome men are gay, they must think I am gay.

sorry, I'll stop it now.

[rain]

Now I have to find out what she's getting her Masters in....attractive women can't be smart, it just doesn't happen!

By that same argument, then all handsome men must be dumb.

Of course, we know that's not true so your hypothesis must be incorrect. ;)

[Zombicide]

Sometimes girls that other people would generally find attractive have ironically called me gay for my indifference toward them, especially my turning them down. They take offense to it, I hate them. Often it works out to platonic friendship. . .unless she comes onto me and I turn her down, then it's often the former again :(

PS: it's ironic because if I'm disinterested in them, it's almost certainly because I find something awfully masculine about them in one way or another and or the psychical residue of their prior male sexual partners makes me nauseous.

[Vagrant]

It's probably because handsome men are gay, they must think I am gay.

sorry, I'll stop it now.

Your place in this thread is very amusing. :p

I think the indifference is just refreshing, particularly for somebody not used to getting treated indifferently and instead placed on a pedestal. That, and it's also closely related to a tactic PUA's use to make themselves appear to be on the same (or higher) level than the girl they're trying to pick up.

(there's nothing wrong with it, I'm just pointing out a similarity)

Oh, and I wish I had girls approaching me so I could turn them down. Hah.

[NiteRider]

Oh, and I wish I had girls approaching me so I could turn them down. Hah.

We gotta get out more often for that...

[MortenM]

I must honestly confess that I do not understand the whole status order based on looks. I just do not see what is important in appearance and looks. It just seems like it doesn't matter at all, atleast that what I live by. I'm an average looking guy, a bit below maybe, and I don't hinder myself because of my looks, and I don't look or think about other people's looks.

In my opinion, you gotta do and focus on what's important. You gotta focus on the things that are important to life experience and important the goals of your life. The goals of my life are to use my skills and be proud of my actions. Appearance does not have anything to do with using ones skills and hopefully a person has other things to be proud of than their looks.

[dalidaisy]

Oh, and I wish I had girls approaching me so I could turn them down. Hah.

Hey, Vagrant, you're kinda cute. :loveeyes: Wanna go out with me sometime? ;)

(pitiful attempt, I know...)

[rwyatt365]

I must honestly confess that I do not understand the whole status order based on looks. I just do not see what is important in appearance and looks. It just seems like it doesn't matter at all, atleast that what I live by. I'm an average looking guy, a bit below maybe, and I don't hinder myself because of my looks, and I don't look or think about other people's looks.

In my opinion, you gotta do and focus on what's important. You gotta focus on the things that are important to life experience and important the goals of your life. The goals of my life are to use my skills and be proud of my actions. Appearance does not have anything to do with using ones skills and hopefully a person has other things to be proud of than their looks.
...in a perfect world, perhaps.

The unfortunate fact is that most of the population places a high degree of emphasis on appearance. We can choose to ignore it (as many of us do), or we can use it to our advantage.

Think of it as a "strategy game"; how can you use the weakness of an "enemy" (their obsession with appearance) against them to your advantage. It doesn't matter whether you are a "stunner", or a "slob" - the point is, knowing their affinity for appearance, how can you exploit it. Most times, it leaves them wide open to manipulation. Use your (apparent) beauty for leverage, or use your (apparent) ugliness as a blunt instrument. You can even use being (apparently) non-descript as a "cloak of invisibility".

[Storm]

Now I have to find out what she's getting her Masters in....attractive women can't be smart, it just doesn't happen!

I realize you meant this as tongue in cheek, but this kind of attitude is, sadly, very prevalent among many. People assume that attractive people must be dumb - and thus anything they say which is less than 140+ IQ intelligence level is taken as evidence that they are dumb, and all intelligent comments are ignored.

[MortenM]

...in a perfect world, perhaps.

The unfortunate fact is that most of the population places a high degree of emphasis on appearance. We can choose to ignore it (as many of us do), or we can use it to our advantage.

Think of it as a "strategy game"; how can you use the weakness of an "enemy" (their obsession with appearance) against them to your advantage. It doesn't matter whether you are a "stunner", or a "slob" - the point is, knowing their affinity for appearance, how can you exploit it. Most times, it leaves them wide open to manipulation. Use your (apparent) beauty for leverage, or use your (apparent) ugliness as a blunt instrument. You can even use being (apparently) non-descript as a "cloak of invisibility".

Yea... yea... OR you can just do whats important just as making quality friends and spend your time using your skills and making progress in your life, than trying to manipulate people of the average dumb crowd into treating you in some way.

[Samoan Corleone]

Ok, reading the above posts, I don't like her in that way, I was just using her as an example of an attractive girl interacting with an indifferent guy. I just wanted to know how they'd react to guys who aren't putting them on a pedastal. THAT'S the real question I wanted to ask.

[Storm]

Well, it depends why and how you're acting indifferent. If it's because you actually are indifferent, then *shrug* so what? They might see it as a breath of fresh air - finally someone who doesn't objectify them.

If you are doing it on purpose, that is very transparent, and very annoying. It's almost like you are objectifying them further. It's also rude, depending on how "indifferent" you are. If you are indifferent to the point of not showing common courtesy you would show anyone, then they will consider you a rude person.

[dalidaisy]

Ok, reading the above posts, I don't like her in that way, I was just using her as an example of an attractive girl interacting with an indifferent guy. I just wanted to know how they'd react to guys who aren't putting them on a pedastal. THAT'S the real question I wanted to ask.

We tried to answer that, I think, to the best of our abilities. You don't have to like her to treat her different & she doesn't have to like you because you do. I think it depends on the girl & the circumstances as to how she'll react.

As for myself, I appreciate people who don't treat me different. But, then again, I'm a girl who doesn't like to be noticed. I was reluctantly popular in high school. The more I ran, the more they chased. I liked (not romantically) the loner in all black with half his head shaved that walked down the hall with his head down & didn't even look at me when we talked. I was just another person to him, nothing special. In fact, I think I bugged him by talking to him, although he never said as much. We would go find a dark spot under the bleachers & skip class while we talked philosophy & smoked a joint.

My popular friends were different, though. Take my best friend, the ESFP. She adored being the center of attention. She worked at it constantly. She flirted with the guys & complimented the girls. She NEEDED the attention. When someone didn't pay her the attention she thought she deserved, it became like a challenge to win them over. But, as soon as she got them on her side, she withdrew & moved on. She just needed that acknowlegement, nothing more.

There's just no black & white here, I think...

[Samoan Corleone]

Well, it depends why and how you're acting indifferent. If it's because you actually are indifferent, then *shrug* so what? They might see it as a breath of fresh air - finally someone who doesn't objectify them.

If you are doing it on purpose, that is very transparent, and very annoying. It's almost like you are objectifying them further. It's also rude, depending on how "indifferent" you are. If you are indifferent to the point of not showing common courtesy you would show anyone, then they will consider you a rude person.

The OP has the word "act," which is a mistake on my part, as it's not an act, it's just me being me.

I'm going with the former. I'm indifferent because she's a human being, just like everyone else. No more, no less.

How am I indifferent? I just treat her the same as I treat everyone else. We've both left high school (2007 was the last year) and she's moved to England on a scholarship of some kind, and I'm still here at university.





Samoan Corleone added to this post, 8 minutes and 5 seconds later...

We tried to answer that, I think, to the best of our abilities. You don't have to like her to treat her different & she doesn't have to like you because you do. I think it depends on the girl & the circumstances as to how she'll react.

As for myself, I appreciate people who don't treat me different. But, then again, I'm a girl who doesn't like to be noticed. I was reluctantly popular in high school. The more I ran, the more they chased. I liked (not romantically) the loner in all black with half his head shaved that walked down the hall with his head down & didn't even look at me when we talked. I was just another person to him, nothing special. In fact, I think I bugged him by talking to him, although he never said as much. We would go find a dark spot under the bleachers & skip class while we talked philosophy & smoked a joint.

My popular friends were different, though. Take my best friend, the ESFP. She adored being the center of attention. She worked at it constantly. She flirted with the guys & complimented the girls. She NEEDED the attention. When someone didn't pay her the attention she thought she deserved, it became like a challenge to win them over. But, as soon as she got them on her side, she withdrew & moved on. She just needed that acknowlegement, nothing more.

There's just no black & white here, I think...

Very interesting. She seemed very ENFP or ESFP to me, so perhaps she also "NEEDED the attention. Indifference probably annoyed her. You're an INTJ, so I guess you'd be a reluctant public figure. You actually liked the indifference. Stating the obvious, different girls react to indifference differently.

*head is spinning after writing that sentence*

[dalidaisy]

...different girls react to indifference differently.

It's like poetry & so true...

[ohmetalheart]

I confess I am especially intrigued by a guy who seems indifferent. Interested, but indifferent. My current boyfriend was like that when we first met, and it made me scheme up ways to get him to pursue me. Obviously, it worked. ;D I am turned off by excessive initial interest, but it's fun to play cat and mouse for a bit. It builds up the chemistry and excitement, I think. Something that's too easy is generally not worth having.

[Samoan Corleone]

(Also, what do you mean by the missed Sopranos episode line?)

Well, that's how the reaction seemed to me. She said "I love you" in the same way one would if I happened to tape something on TV that they missed and urgently wanted to see. Mob fiction is kinda my thing as well, so I reference it a lot.

[dalidaisy]

Something that's too easy is generally not worth having.

I don't know... I've found something was pretty damn easy & it's working out great so far...

But, I don't play games & I'm usually not the cat when I find myself unwillingly involved in one. The bottom line for me is we either like each other or we don't. I don't want to have to work at attraction. I don't mind work in a relationship, but the less work, the better, IMO. If it requires work just to get their attention, then it's just not worth it to me.

And, see, here's where women are different. We are all unique. Saying I'm not like most women is really silly, because who determines what most women are like? Heck, I'm just me. I'm a mix of feminine & masculine traits just like we all are. Put me on a pedestal & whoops, I'll fall off...

[Vagrant]

You can even use being (apparently) non-descript as a "cloak of invisibility".So true. Probably the biggest reason I don't get approached much, is simply because I do so well at blending in, lookwise. My skin is tan, my eyes and hair are brown, I'm Jewish in descent (so I look like a lot of different cultures), I'm of average height and weight... the list goes on.

It's a blessing and a curse, I suppose.

[qwerty123]

Now that I think about it, I was indifferent to who is now my X (dated for 3.5 years). In the end it would appear that it was a tragic mismatch that dragged on for far too long.

If only I'd stayed indifferent.

[Prunesquallor]

It really depends on the girl. Some people like attention and the idea of a "challenge." The rest of us might be more like "finally! Someone who treats me like a human being!" I like to have male friends since it's so much easier to arrange pickup hockey/soccer games and it can be hard to find enough girls who play. But when they start hitting on me, it just gets irritating and I don't like having to repeatedly reject people because they assume my talking to them at all is automatically flirting.

[steerthestars]

Okay, firstly, girls don't like to be referred to as chicks.

Now, what I think this really is, is a power struggle between two domineering personalities. I don't think this has to do with gender. A lot of pretty girls happen to be shy and so are unpopular, and a lot of unattractive or average girls become popular through "big" or "fun" or maybe manipulative personalities. I can see this situation from both your POV and hers because I'm one of those people that doesn't worship the "popular" or "biggest" personality BUT I go to a school where the gender ratio is like 6:1 male to female, and so all the girls tend to be treated like princesses/higher beings by the boys. Also, I'm not just female, I have a "big" personality (very INTJ, because I'm domineering, witty, sardonic and a little manipulative.) But I'm not particularly attractive or hot.

Now, how do I treat the boys who act, as you would put it, indifferent? Well, it's not like I'm looking for boyfriends or anything, but boys who are less likely to listen to me/treat me as well as the ones who don't act "indifferent" are probably not going to get as much of my attention. Sorry, but unless I like you specifically, then I'd rather be with people who appreciate me more. This is not a criticism of indifferent people, just a logical opinion: Why would I be with people who like me less when I can be with people whoi like me more?

But your personality might strike me and then I will give you my attention fullheartedly. I'm sure if she found you particularly interesting/awesome, she would have given you more of her attention. But to assume that somebody popular is going to like you simply because you don't swoon around her and that makes you unique is not true. Life's not that awesome.

[punkyplatypus]

I think this goes along the line of "why do girls always date jerks?" Not that you're a jerk. It's the confidence that people react to. When we choose friends and mates, most of us tend to choose people we feel we're on equal footing with or who seem a little better (more attractive, more funny, more intelligent, etc) than us. Jerks fit the profile because they are confident enough to be jerks and sometimes they can lower the esteem of others enough to seem like they're on the equal or better level.

Kiss-asses & people who don't seem as confident seem fake and uncomfortable, respectively. No one (that I know of) wants to be around someone who's fake or to make someone uncomfortable. So it's no surprise when an attractive girl avoids these people.

Having the confidence to act normal (indifferent, calm, aggressive, or whatever is normal for the given individual & the people around them) is comforting to others. Thus, friendships & relationships are easier to develop.

[chris]

As I guy, I would just like to say that I used to feign indifference all the time when talking to a girl I was attracted to. I would avoid eye contact, speak matter-of-factly and generally make it seem as if I had no sexual interest in them whatsoever; when in fact, I was so aroused by them that I would go home and masturbate myself silly. I remember thinking how cool it was that I managed to possess so much yet so little control over my emotions.

[Storm]

And did that ever work out for you? I don't know about other girls, but I'm no mind reader. You've got to tell a person you're interested in in some way.

[dalidaisy]

As I guy, I would just like to say that I used to feign indifference all the time when talking to a girl I was attracted to. I would avoid eye contact, speak matter-of-factly and generally make it seem as if I had no sexual interest in them whatsoever; when in fact, I was so aroused by them that I would go home and masturbate myself silly. I remember thinking how cool it was that I managed to possess so much yet so little control over my emotions.

Why? Did this approach work?

[chris]

And did that ever work out for you? I don't know about other girls, but I'm no mind reader. You've got to tell a person you're interested in in some way.

Why? Did this approach work?

It never did work. I was just shy and ignorant. Thankfully, I've changed and become more aware.

[Samoan Corleone]

As I guy, I would just like to say that I used to feign indifference all the time when talking to a girl I was attracted to. I would avoid eye contact, speak matter-of-factly and generally make it seem as if I had no sexual interest in them whatsoever; when in fact, I was so aroused by them that I would go home and masturbate myself silly. I remember thinking how cool it was that I managed to possess so much yet so little control over my emotions.

Ha, that's sort of me. Not to say I'd feign indifference, I developed this way of thinking back when I was 12. I maintain a lot of eye-contact, because that's natural for me, and I like to engage with people. I can't say that a conversation ever aroused me to the point of jacking the beanstalk when I got home. You must have some really interesting things to talk about. ;)

[PeterIMC]

Ok, at high school, there was this one girl who most of the guys saw as "the hottest." They'd all be scheming about how to get her, and stuff. If she ever talked to some of the shyer guys they'd stutter, and shit. She mostly hung out with her girlfriends, or the guys who considered themselves to be at the top of the social ladder that they put together one night at Joel's place. I guess they were also intimidated, but not as much as the shy guys at the bottom. Anyway, me choosing to be oblivious to social ladders and such, can honestly admit to never being scared of her, or any other girl for that matter. Every time she talked to me, I conversed with her as if she were anyone else. I guess at times she was a bit suprised, as I kind of got a "you're not shaking like I'm holding a gun, jumping to the floor and kissing my feet, or whistling admiringly at my ass! What the fuck's wrong with you?!" vibe. Once, during English class, after I made one of my sardonic remarks that had the class rolling, she was like "Oh, I love you [Samoan Corleone]." in front of everyone. At the time, it felt like a she-missed-the-final-episode-of-The-Sopranos-but-I-taped-it-and-she-was-ecstatically-grateful type of response. I still think that's what it was. Maybe, she noticed I was the only guy who acted indifferent towards her, and she tried to make me be like every other guy, I don't know.

Reading the above, maybe I'm just flattering myself (I'm not a narcissist, I swear), but [getting to the point] how do girls who are attractive, and who are accustomed to the special attention that this entails, react to guys who act indifferent? This is not a "Oh, does she like me?" thread, mind you. I'm just curious. We're just friends, and I'm not losing any sleep over her. She's in the friend zone with me, because:

a) She's just not the type I'd want for romance, and
b) NF chick still has my attention.

People notice those that stand out. From her point of view, you stood out. Besides that,... if she's a friend, why don't you just ask her?

[Samoan Corleone]

People notice those that stand out. From her point of view, you stood out. Besides that,... if she's a friend, why don't you just ask her?

I can't, because she's in England on a scholarship. I could ask her, if she ever gets back. I'd ask in general terms, of course.

[eternaltriangle]

As I guy, I would just like to say that I used to feign indifference all the time when talking to a girl I was attracted to. I would avoid eye contact, speak matter-of-factly and generally make it seem as if I had no sexual interest in them whatsoever; when in fact, I was so aroused by them that I would go home and masturbate myself silly. I remember thinking how cool it was that I managed to possess so much yet so little control over my emotions.

I am the very same.

Although I also find it flattering when people are interested in me, even if it isn't mutual. I really don't like being turned down, especially if it is by somebody I consider beneath me.

[Tough Love]

As I guy, I would just like to say that I used to feign indifference all the time when talking to a girl I was attracted to. I would avoid eye contact, speak matter-of-factly and generally make it seem as if I had no sexual interest in them whatsoever; .

This is what i meant by the affected indifference which is very noticable in most cases and is not attractive. In fact its most annoying when a person assumes a different status to how they feel. I believe it is an indicator of very low self esteem. Its one thing if you are indifferent because you have better things on your mind. Its another if its obvious you are affected by something or someone but are refusing to show, or even feel those feelings.

[INTJoe]

If you show indifference then they can get offended, call you gay etc

lol. This happened to me once in High School. This female acquaintance of mine tried to set me up with her mediocre-looking, dumb-ish sounding friend and I wasn't interested so a few days later in the middle of Chemistry class she asked me if I was gay. I wanted to punch her in the head. What a *****. What am I supposed to say? "No, I'm just not interested in your dumb ugly friend."? There is no reason to go there. Of course a chick will blase-ly call you "gay" and challenge your manhood if you aren't willing to romp her mediocre friend.

[Chain]

A good number of different reactions. The ones that I recall have already been named.

An interesting note about those types and part of why I lot of them act the way they do: Insecurity. Women tend to put more emphasis on their looks than men do. A LOT of the model types end up with insecurities because everyone treats them as a trophy rather than a human being. The opposite insecurity is why her not-so-model type friend may have slept around so much.

[Hinun]

hehe! I am so glad this came up, one of the most attractive girls I have ever met is in my honors class. She seems to enjoy being just talked to as any other person, but it is depends on the girl, but it seems to be a trend that girls and women enjoy men who are indifferent. Depends though, I think giving a certain girls a little attention, but not too much is the way to go, then act like you don't care. If you were trying to be with her, I suppose.

Anyways, that's my 2 cents. I find it entertaining when girls demand attention from me or other guys, it just makes them look desperate and I do not find desperation attractive at all (probably someone does, lol).

[alphawolf]

how do girls who are attractive, and who are accustomed to the special attention that this entails, react to guys who act indifferent?


Since you are not at all interested in her:


Next time she talks to you, grin and tell her with a completely self-confident and cocky attitude that you might take her out sometime if she's lucky. Then wink and click your cheek at her. Don't wait for a response, just turn and walk away.

If she catches up with you and gives you an attitude, just keep being cocky and tease her.



Then let me know what happens, X-rated version, please.

[wolf]

They disregard those that don't give them attention.

[blatant]

I don't give a damn usually. I've had guys trip up and guys treat me normally. They were all ok.

[Tough Love]

Why would I be with people who like me less when I can be with people whoi like me more?
.

So you believe that on face value you could tell what someones feelings towards you being there are? I know i definately cant. I find it fascinating and intriguing trying to understand people no matter how difficult they are to get through to. This is as a result of being that difficult person once who thought that the whole world hated them, when all i really didnt know how to do was relate...

Is everyone assuming there is no such thing as indifference unless its a affected?