Meeting with other INTJ's

[smashy]

I wonder if I ever meet with an INTJ and found him/her strange, arrogant and don't want to have nothing to do with that person. I know that happened with one of my best friends. When I met him for the first time, I found him really strange, irritating and quiet but on a awkward way, because I felt that he was quiet but he was thinking in such a fast way about everyone around him that I could almost hear it (maybe it was my N that felt that).

I didn't know about Myers Briggs at that time but now I know he's also an INTJ, and he's one of my best friends now because I had the time to discover the wonderful person he is.

But how many INTJ's have passed (or pass) in our lives and we find them annoying and strange and we start to criticizing their traits that are also ours? Maybe because we view ourselves in them and it's scaring?

[tp6626]

I often wonder this. I've never to my knowledge met an INTJ, and wonder if I've simply met one and thought "twat", and left it at that. It's quite possible. They're unlikely to initiate conversation, like me, but sit back observing, so we'd both get nowhere fast.

I'd be interested to meet more INTJ's, or to know which people I've met in the past were INTJ, if any.

[Cocoa]

I have never met INTJs. I have met ISTJs.... perhaps they were IsTJs?? Not really sure 100% but always wondered what it would be like to meet one in person. I feel like a cat raised by dogs, feeling strange about the idea of meeting another cat :)

[Storm]

Well, seeing as how my mother and my brother are INTJs, I can't say that it's all that magical. *shrug*

[smashy]

Well, seeing as how my mother and my brother are INTJs, I can't say that it's all that magical. *shrug*

It can be magical, yes. And even more magical than the superficiality of meeting other types. But I think that 2 INTJ's need more than 1 encounter in order to see if they like each other and be able to open up. When this happens, it can turn into a beatiful friendship.

[Nomadofthehills]

I honestly have trouble seeing why people like me. I think I would feel another INTJ was a douche bag.

[Homini Lupus]

An introvert meeting an introvert has many problem per se, but if you add the J vs J and the fact that Ni people tend not to be very clear when explaining themselves I think there's a lot of room for a conflictual start. But conflict is better than lack of interest or respect.

[lambpox]

When I first met my male INTJ friend I thought he was rather cold, stand-offish, and incredibly self-assured and cocky. But, as I got to know him, I realized that was just him. I realized his cockiness is just his inflated self-confidence, and to me, however absurd it is, is attractive. lol. We're a wonderful team though when it comes to the newspaper, but I seem to be winning his awards because my talents overpower his...oh well. Hahaha. It's a nice friendship; my friend says we're "clones" of each other.

I know another INTJ and we (famously) never get along. He's VERY immature; to the point of unbelievable. All he does is rant and argue about things around him. He proclaims he hates all people and is rather neurotic. Crazy stubborn and never abandons his beliefs, no matter how absurd. I'm apparently the only person that has won numerous arguments with him. :P Anyways, he's still my "friend" but we do get into a lot of arguments and fights.

My other INTJ friend (female) is amazing! We became fast buddies after we first met. We give each other lunch and joke around. We're also known as the "two robots" in class.

Wow, I know a lot of INTJs. XD I know a few more; the only problems I see that I have with some INTJs is their arrogance and narrow-minded view on things. Not all INTJs are like this, but some of the few I have met all share this trait.

[Storm]

INTJs are incredibly hard to spot. I doubt anyone but those very close to me would spot that I'm an INTJ.

[Plane Stress]

I have never met anyone that I have known to be an INTJ. I have met several people who I know were INTPs, and I found most of them arrogant and annoying-I don't know if I'd find the same true for INTJs. INTJs are probably the hardest type to spot.

[Airfire]

I've had the luxury of meeting at least 2 (definitive) INTJs. One being a female coworker and the other a professor at my college. It was a meeting-of-eccentrics, so to speak.

When I met the coworker, she was cold, aloof, and distant at first, especially for a female (she was not shy). We didn't say anything to each other for months but I could sense something about her (not attraction) that was just different. After I introduced myself (in a typical manner) she told me to "cut the chivalry" in a sarcastic manner. At that point I realized I found someone so much like myself and we became buds after that. We never did a whole lot of talking but when we did, it involved complex subjects and we enjoyed complaining about the incompetence of the general population ;)

As for my professor: I had him take the MBTI after a few months of knowing him, since he was just too much like myself to ignore. Low and behold, he tested as a strong INTJ. The way he taught class was very monotone, cold, and very direct... with a few moments of goofiness by saying sarcastically "Yeah, let's rock. Test-time ftw!" And, in any conversation during our breaks, he would spout off on tangents about very complex subjects, of which he knew a lot about... meticulously explaining even the smallest stories.

[Brittle]

I honestly have trouble seeing why people like me. I think I would feel another INTJ was a douche bag.

:laugh: I'm forever telling my best friend that if I had a friend like me, I'd dump them.

I can also imagine if I met someone like myself, I would think they were a bit snobby or aloof and wouldn't really warm to them straight away. It would definitely take a few "getting to know you" sessions to break through the ice. But then again, perhaps that quiet self-confidence would intrigue me and I'd want to find out more about them.

Hmmmmm.....!

[Storm]

^Not all INTJs are necessarily like yourself in outer personality. There's a wide range.

[Brittle]

Very true, however they're not as likely to be the ones sidling up and asking for your life story straight away. I imagine most INTJs would be a little more inclined to sit back and observe for a while before initiating any communication.

[qwerty123]

most of my best friends I've initially strongly disliked

I can't think of one concrete example of another INTJ though

[Gone7]

I'm not sure if i had but they had a class and a couple of my "friends" took the test and they scored INTJ. I had a feeling mainly the "REAL" arrogance , I can see now how that could be off putting to some one, that will take a while to get out the way. The other one is very reserved but get on a subject like Linux or somthing there good at and BAM Extrovert. Are teacher thinks im an extrovert , ME noo just around my "inny" friends. But yea at first I find them very annoying and just headache , but then my rational mind kicks in and say hey:"That's exactly what you do" so I calm down a bit , one thing I can tell you though regardless how annoying they are ever encounter I have with them I always learn if not one more of something. It feels good not to be the only smart kid in your circle anymore :D

[aloha]

I never had that luxury to meet an INTJ. i would like to have a friend INTJ. i imagine us as bff. i suspect one female from my surroundings to be an INTJ, but I don't think ill ever have a chance to find out...

[True Rune]

I know two. One was my old best friend when I was a teen, the other I just typed and is a 17 year old girl. She's a better representative of the type than I. When it comes to meeting other INTJs, I think I'd just make it known I'm a theist and hope they think I'm too stupid or not worth talking to.

[ranwayslo]

I have yet to meet another INTJ in person. This makes me curious.

[Cthulhu]

I've met a few others and I usually like them. Both of my closest friends are INTJ's. My father's never done an MBTI but I suspect that he's also an INTJ and he and I get along well.

[Macbeth]

Every time I meet with another INTJ the same thing happens:

I feel a bit disoriented, and hear a kind of buzzing in my ears. Once we make eye contact we then formally introduce ourselves. Then the swords come out and the heads come off, unless we are on holy ground.

There can be only one.

[Nomadofthehills]

I'm not sure if i had but they had a class and a couple of my "friends" took the test and they scored INTJ. I had a feeling mainly the "REAL" arrogance , I can see now how that could be off putting to some one, that will take a while to get out the way. The other one is very reserved but get on a subject like Linux or somthing there good at and BAM Extrovert. Are teacher thinks im an extrovert , ME noo just around my "inny" friends. But yea at first I find them very annoying and just headache , but then my rational mind kicks in and say hey:"That's exactly what you do" so I calm down a bit , one thing I can tell you though regardless how annoying they are ever encounter I have with them I always learn if not one more of something. It feels good not to be the only smart kid in your circle anymore :D

I hope you wind up being an ENTJ. I don't want to be associated with an INTJ that can't differentiate between "there" and "they're" and "are" and "our."

[Menosthenes]

Actually, if I met an INTJ more like myself, we'd probably have a great conversation. See, like most INTJs I'm not too comfortable with small-talk, so instead I try as much as possible to turn it into something big, like their academic interests and history and so on; things that really interest me. This ironically makes me a more aggressive conversationalist in some ways.

I've known several INTJs online, and they seemed relatively mellow and easy to work with. In retrospect I can see it now, but until they had personally told me their results on the MBTI I probably wouldn't have guessed. So, I guess I don't see it as a huge deal really.

[speedsuit721]

I met an INTJ yesterday. It was kind of awkward. It seemed like we were both trying to think of things to say so as to prevent long silences. I've probably disliked almost every INTJ I've ever met, whether I know it or not.

[Plane Stress]

Interesting that those that have met other INTJs for the most part didn't get along with them.

[Pandemonium]

I met an INTJ in my engineering course. I over heard him talking about taking the MBTI and the observed result was INTJ. As it would seem a very extroverted INTJ. He and I don't get along due to completely opposing political views (he is a redneck). Though, we can have in depth discussions about a maraud of topics without resorting to stabbings.

Deducing whether or not I am a INTJ is a completely different matter. He had stated that trying to type me according to the MBTI system wad difficult. Probably my aim, I guess.

[WayBehind]

I've got 2 INTJ friends (one has tested, the other I'm 95% sure of). One of them I met freshman year in college and I disliked him out of the gate because he was one of those people who would fake karate kick you, coming within inches of your face. He was also openly condescending. We ended up getting to know each other senior year after he'd cut down on both those practices and we got along swimmingly.

The other one I met at work a few years back and liked him immediately (everybody likes this guy). He's basically me but is more diplomatic and obsessed with the 1980s.

For what it's worth, my best friend is ISTJ. I'm pretty close with my brother too and he's an INFP. Not a huge fan of my parents though (ISTJ mom, ESTJ dad).

And yes, this entire post was just an excuse to use the word swimmingly.

[navelgazer]

How are you guys identifying all these INTJs? Do you just walk up to them and ask them if they've been typed? (this demonstrates poor social skills)

I see that some of you have close friends etc, and there is some speculation going on too.

I wonder how many INTJs are aware about MBTI and know their type? I have not been aware of my MBTI type for the majority of my life.

[Storm]

Well, I asked my brother and my mother to take some online quizzes after I found out about MBTI. So, that's what I'm basing it off of. Facebook also has some MBTI applications. Not the most accurate things in the world, but it's better than nothing.

Anyway, here's the breakdown:

Developed INTJs: Get along swimmingly (props to WayBehind)

Undeveloped INTJs: No one can get along with them.

And then there's everyone in between.

[Mech Engineer]

Anyway, here's the breakdown:

Developed INTJs: Get along swimmingly (props to WayBehind)

Undeveloped INTJs: No one can get along with them.

And then there's everyone in between.

I never thought about it this way but I think you hit it right on the head. Undeveloped INTJs seem to lack experience (which prevents them from having the whole picture) and humility (but they still think they do). Their supreme arrogance and pride makes them unbearable to work with (I was there once).

A developed INTJ seems to realize there is truth in the statement: "The more you know, the more you realize how much you still don't." And (as demonstrated by all of the conversations going on here) are much easier (and more fun) to be around.

[BlackMita]

If someone is tactless they've earned my immediate dislike. Unfortunately I've met more tactless INTJ than tactful ones. I can respect them in principle (because really there are no rules, and what works for you works for you) but I never like the situation since I usually play the charade of being accepting first until they did the same and became a tolerable acquaintance.

[aloha]

Anyway, here's the breakdown:

Developed INTJs: Get along swimmingly (props to WayBehind)

Undeveloped INTJs: No one can get along with them.

And then there's everyone in between.
bullz eye... i was thinking a lot lately about this "developed people" and "Undeveloped people" thing ... but i just couldn't express it in words, thanks to you, now i can...
that answered some questions - thx... :thumbsup:

[SelfInflected]

My sister is an INTJ, although she claims that she "is no longer like that".

I suspect that I work with at least three, but I dislike them so much that I would rather talk to a floating turd.

[tp6626]

bullz eye... i was thinking a lot lately about this "developed people" and "Undeveloped people" thing ... but i just couldn't express it in words, thanks to you, now i can...
that answered some questions - thx... :thumbsup:
I've been pondering on this lately. I see supposedly really intelligent people, who are 'undeveloped' in the way that I think you are talking. They have zero awareness or regard for their effect on others.

This awareness has only been increasing for me over the past 2 to 3 years, and I think it makes a huge difference in how you're perceived.

There are things, or ways of acting that I wouldn't dream of doing, which I observe (and squeem at) daily in my current work place:

* Dismissing peoples ideas & suggestions with no respect for the person.
* Patronising people, especially on inappropriate grounds (race, sex, age etc).
* Shouting or using emotion / anger on people.
* Forcing your views or ways on other people.
* Ridiculing someone for challenging or trying to better themselves.
* Fuelling a blame culture, or punishing one off failures instead of reviewing, evaluating and learning from what went wrong.
* Not listening, sincerely, to others.
* Being too arrogant or proud to admit that you don't know something.
* Failing to reward effort, and giving disproportionate credit to success (whether by luck or effort).

On the other hand, if I observe someone acting like this, enough to think him a twat, I will have no problem using those types of behaviour on him - but only to teach him a lesson - the difference is that I am aware I'm doing it!

Anyway, the sure fire quickest way to rile me worse than by any other means, is for me to catch you behaving like this to children. This 'undeveloped' behaviour, at its extreme, I actually see as an abuse on people, and with children it will instantly make me want to take you to task. Which I have done once or twice in the past! :)





tp6626 added to this post, 2 minutes and 37 seconds later...

So yeah, I can see that INTJ's could be considered developed or underdeveloped. Hopefully I fall in the prior category.

I still maintain that I don't think I've met any INTJ's in real life though. I would love to meet some developed ones (like some of the forum members here). I may well have come across undeveloped ones, who I disliked and didn't associate with further.

[2obvious]

And then there's everyone in between.

Well, THAT certainly covers all bases.

("So, there's the North Pole, and there's the South Pole...")

[dylanamus]

I can't say I've profiled every single person I've met or gotten to know, but I do know that the closest of my friends (ie those whose company we each enjoy the most) are INTJs. There's no irrationalism or placing one another in socially awkward situations. It's all learning, teaching and doing.

I'm yet to meet any female in real life who could convince me she is an INTJ. I really look forward to the day.

Most of my girlfriends have been near opposites. EFSJ, ENSP, EFSP etc I find them fun, tolerant and easy to excite or please emotionally. But after a while, I get bored...

[Okrojsha]

I've had the luxury of meeting at least 2 (definitive) INTJs. One being a female coworker and the other a professor at my college. It was a meeting-of-eccentrics, so to speak.

When I met the coworker, she was cold, aloof, and distant at first, especially for a female (she was not shy). We didn't say anything to each other for months but I could sense something about her (not attraction) that was just different. After I introduced myself (in a typical manner) she told me to "cut the chivalry" in a sarcastic manner. At that point I realized I found someone so much like myself and we became buds after that. We never did a whole lot of talking but when we did, it involved complex subjects and we enjoyed complaining about the incompetence of the general population ;)

As for my professor: I had him take the MBTI after a few months of knowing him, since he was just too much like myself to ignore. Low and behold, he tested as a strong INTJ. The way he taught class was very monotone, cold, and very direct... with a few moments of goofiness by saying sarcastically "Yeah, let's rock. Test-time ftw!" And, in any conversation during our breaks, he would spout off on tangents about very complex subjects, of which he knew a lot about... meticulously explaining even the smallest stories.

This is rather similar to my own experience. My female coworker sort of complained one day about "being anxious when not having things under control" to which I responded, "well, that sounds like INTJ". She thought I was talking only about her personality, so when I explained I recognized my own pattern in it we became very good friends/co-workers. It's like an entirely different world from the rest of the "normal types". She'd sometime forget that she does not have to put the mask on and ask me about something, and I'd just remind her "Hey, it's OK, it's me, you don't have to feed me that line of bull." Otherwise, the experience is similar to yours. We would talk about the incompetence of others and how lame it is to allow your emotions to control your mind. The funny thing is that other co-workers see us at work and freak out by the way we function as a team together (completing each other's thoughts, taking on extra responsibilities, taking charge, in general acting as if we know each other for decades and not just one year or so) and how similar decisions we make when not working the same shift. She is the only INTJ that I ever officially met, and I believe this is the perfect type for a co-worker. I would not bet on the "sentimental" relationship, though. It'd probably be a very brutal and efficient liaison with no place for small niceties. ;)

[Adarasnow]

One of my good friends of INTJ. She's more outgoing, but more cold. Whereas I'm seemingly cold, but have somewhat of a heart for things. I didn't like her at first because I felt she was talking down to me (about religion.) We get along swimmingly.

[schwartzie]

hm...

I met a man in a bookstore and knew within, oh, 5 or 10 minutes we'd marry.

It turned out, he was in the 80+ on all INTJ factors AND quite a few standard deviations from the norm IQ-wise.


Weird. Instant affiliation.