Small-talking INTJs

[The Many]

I think INTJs need to confess that they/we like small-talking. Just look at the threads here. They concern weather, preferred drinks and such things, not to mention that the "Pictures of you" thread has the most replies of all - 19 pages so far.

Our facade is crumbling... :(

[Diana]

Shhhhhh!!!

[logan235711]

lol just go into the chatroom ; )

[brewmaster]

seriously, are you kidding me? small talk makes me want to puke. I think what you are seeing is everyone using what little e we have to feel each other out and make a community. It's not inherent in our nature, just fact of the media we have come to use to communicate with one another.





brewmaster added to this post, 0 minutes and 58 seconds later...

what chatroom? am I really that big of a computer idiot?

[Lucid]

seriously, are you kidding me? small talk makes me want to puke. I think what you are seeing is everyone using what little e we have to feel each other out and make a community. It's not inherent in our nature, just fact of the media we have come to use to communicate with one another.





brewmaster added to this post, 0 minutes and 58 seconds later...

what chatroom? am I really that big of a computer idiot?

You can find details for it in this thread:

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It's on IRC server ECnet, channel #INTJ

[rwyatt365]

I think that INTJs are just like anyone else WHEN we get comfortable around others. The "problem" is that we often aren't comfortable around others. It takes a while for us to observe and get the "sense" of where other people are, whereas "Sensing" and "Feeling" types are more easily able to get into the flow of social gatherings. Here, we have a space where "like minds" have gathered and because there is so much similarity of thought we're finding ourselves able to have those "meaningless" conversations that we so abhor in real life.

I mean, after all, when you've finished discussing Nietzsche and String Theory what better conversation is there than, "So, um…how's the weather there?"

[Splittet]

I wonder, why do we react so much to small-talk? Is it because of our Fi? Is it our Fi that makes it feel so fake? Small-talk very much seems like a Fe child, so maybe FJs would enjoy small-talk a quite lot more than FPs, on average? What are your impressions?

[mind_wander]

I wonder, why do we react so much to small-talk? Is it because of our Fi? Is it our Fi that makes it feel so fake? Small-talk very much seems like a Fe child, so maybe FJs would enjoy small-talk a quite lot more than FPs, on average? What are your impressions?

I think we have small-talk because its like a checks and balances on how other INTJ's think like. Are they similar to mine's? Is it different, so where do I fit in? Probably this is where the small talk happens, afterall its not like everyday you go and met up with an INTJ on the street. This is a place to find where all the iNTJ's are hiding, then spam them with alot of questions, general comments, and etc.

[INTJoe]

My N is 88, so I despise small-talk. I think small-talk is an S-ish type attribute.

The "S's" pick up on everything around them instantly while the N's are up in the clouds and sort of floating through social situations.

Although N's are "aloof", we give off the appearance of being wayyy more aloof than we actually are. We can be very observant about what is happening around us, but we just don't care enough about every little thing to make comment on it.

I can't tell you how many times I've seen something...like...say...new trees that are planted in front of some apartment complex or whatever...and I'll think "huh, new trees." But I won't point out to the person with me "Hey look, they planted new trees there."

I'll actually take an instant to determine if I should mention the trees or not, but then I almost always think "New trees...who cares? Boring...why would I bring this up?" And so there are tons of little, inconsequential things I notice (like the S's), but I just don't care to point them out and discuss them.

Because of this, I'm actually trying to proactively use small-talk more around other people. 65% of people are S's. With most small-talk, I will think to myself "Why would I mention this? I'll come off sounding like a shallow dolt.". But what I'm beginning to realize is that other people (most notably S's) would likely hear me say small-talk, and NOT think I'm a shallow dolt, but would think of me as "wow, he's observant...I thought he was a weirdo who didn't notice stuff."

That is the impression I get from people. Because I don't feel the need to comment on EVERY. SINGLE. LITTLE. THING. They think I'm like a usless, unobservant idiot. Most people would be 30 points off if they tried to peg my IQ without me just telling them what it was.

So I think if I try to comment on little shallow stuff now, people will "notice" me more, and think "hmmm, he's very in touch with his environment." and maybe in due time, they'll actually look to me for advice and call upon my N, because I'll trick them into thinking I'm an S, like them :)

I don't know if any of this makes sense. I don't think it does. It is something I just noticed a couple nights ago, and it's a theory I have. But I'm going to basically start trying to point out stupid petty shallow stuff as often as possible now, and see if people are more receptive to me. I'm hoping it makes people see that I DO indeed have my feet on the ground! It's OK to ask me for deep advice on subjects! I'm a hardcore N, but I can still relate to the real world, people!!! :)

[Henry]

I think INTJs need to confess that they/we like small-talking. Just look at the threads here. They concern weather, preferred drinks and such things, not to mention that the "Pictures of you" thread has the most replies of all - 19 pages so far.

Our facade is crumbling... :(

I actually enjoy 2-3 minutes of small talk before a one on one business interaction. I also enjoy 5-10 minutes of small talk with females. Its necessary and if you relax the social anxiety, I think you'll find its not that big a deal.

Then again, I tested xNTj but am confident that I am introverted.

I wonder, why do we react so much to small-talk? Is it because of our Fi? Is it our Fi that makes it feel so fake? Small-talk very much seems like a Fe child, so maybe FJs would enjoy small-talk a quite lot more than FPs, on average? What are your impressions?

Mostly because few here acknowledge weakness as such, and many openly admit to having significant social anxiety. So its not that I have no social skills and am affriad, its that I am an INTJ and INTJs are socially inept.

That is the impression I get from people. Because I don't feel the need to comment on EVERY. SINGLE. LITTLE. THING. They think I'm like a usless, unobservant idiot. Most people would be 30 points off if they tried to peg my IQ without me just telling them what it was.


Commenting on single. little. things is S communication. Get over your scorn of it, or expect to not be effective with these people, who make up what, 70-85% of the population?

[WavesSootheMe]

We may explore those topics, but since the conversation sits there documented for days and weeks and more, we can explore them more in depth than you generally would in passing. It's more about exploring another's take on the topic than having a meaningless conversation to simply appear open and friendly. Also we get to pick and choose which "conversations" we enter. Smalltalk in the real world doesn't quite work that way.

I'm not sure how this thread went from liking smalltalk to the ability to participate in smalltalk, but they can certainly be two different things.

[Diana]

Just ran across this article today- was an actual headline on the generic msn startup page...

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Couldn't help but think of this thread! Not that I just adore small talk, or even am lacking the skills, but a few drawn out "steps"/formulas are always a nice idea in my logical mind. :)

[Nihilum]

I think INTJs need to confess that they/we like small-talking. Just look at the threads here. They concern weather, preferred drinks and such things, not to mention that the "Pictures of you" thread has the most replies of all - 19 pages so far.

Our facade is crumbling... :(

It's time to put you into...The Room...

[Nomadofthehills]

I enjoy small talk from a strategic point of view. Any small talk I do is purposeful, and I try to analyze the other small talker. I find it entertaining in this sense.

[JoshuaFairtex]

I do the same as Nomad, but not to a ridiculous extreme or anything. I don't mind small talking with other INTJs, because I believe we respect each others intellect and know it's okay to talk about our favorite drinks once in a while, we aren't robots afterall. It's just small talking with people who are E's and S's with HIGH ENERGY!!!!! who want to comment on the weather is what I find draining in my opinion, but with you guys we pretty much flow with similar energy so it's okay in moderation. My 2 cents.

[cal]

I think INTJs need to confess that they/we like small-talking. Just look at the threads here. Our facade is crumbling... :(

You're generalizing a bit. You won't find too many posts of mine in the small-talk threads. Or find me reading them much, either. Same goes for other INTJs here, I would suspect.

And some INTJs are INTJ 'lites'. They have a predisposition towards wanting to behave like other personality types as well at times, some which may enjoy small talk.

But such small-talk threads could be good for even 'firm' INTJs at various times of their lives. One day I might join in more on those threads, if I come to think it's what I could use more of.

[Synapse]

I think we have small-talk because its like a checks and balances on how other INTJ's think like. Are they similar to mine's? Is it different, so where do I fit in? Probably this is where the small talk happens, afterall its not like everyday you go and met up with an INTJ on the street. This is a place to find where all the iNTJ's are hiding, then spam them with alot of questions, general comments, and etc.

Yes, agreed, this forum, if you turned it into a chat with real-world people, would be quite loud. We are in our element here, so people are much more extroverted than normal to form this little community. :)

And yes, that does make for a lot of small talk here that we generally hate as INTJs when we are uncomfortable around others. When we get to know you, we are much more sociable...