Why would you want to date an INTJ? Why not?

[Maayan]

Open question.

[Nikita]

I would never date on the basis of personality type because it engenders ignorance of people on a holistic level.

[Rudy]

I would because I think we'd be very compatible in terms of likes and dislikes.

I would not because I don't think we could generate enough passion between the two of us.


EDIT: Of course I would not exclude anyone purely on the basis of MBTI type, but I assume the intent of the titular question is to get at the compatibility of characteristics most commonly held by the INTJ type.

[Maayan]

EDIT: Of course I would not exclude anyone purely on the basis of MBTI type, but I assume the intent of the titular question is to get at the compatibility of characteristics most commonly held by the INTJ type.

Correct.

[LaoTzu]

I've been looking for an INTJ/INTP since I typed myself in October. I'd prefer a 'J' considering they are "do'ers" in all aspects of the word... ;) (I'm giddy atm...sry)

I trend 'P', so having someone BEGIN anything would be a great help to me, maybe balance me off.
I'd like the alone time too. :)
Most of all, I think I'd just like someone who I consider an intellectual equal...not in smarts per se, but the pursuit of smarts... the constant desire to learn. Haven't met ANYONE like that in my life. Sad but true.

I'd like someone to hit the library with, rather than the beach :P

[Synamon]

Ok I'll play what if. If my husband dropped off the planet tomorrow I would not seek out an INTJ. I need someone different from me so I'm not sure I'd want an NT at all. An INTP I could boss around would be a better fit, even better would be an xNFJ probably.

(standard disclaimer that MBTI isn't everything, blah, blah)

[rara avis]

I think it's possible to find someone who is both compatible and complementary within your own personality type.

The complementary aspect is vital, though - I wouldn't want to date myself.

For myself, I think I am likely looking for an NTJ...
- I wouldn't want someone too far to either end of the E/I spectrum. Flexibility is good, there.
- the S/N clash has been an issue for me (and many S's) in the past.
- out of personal (and honestly, gender-related) preference, I want to be with someone with a highly developed T.
- and I suppose because my J is barely dominant... I think I'd do well to be with someone who is action-oriented, motivated- who can drag me kicking and screaming when I just want to lie down. Well, except in a nice, non-stressful way, with that last bit.





rara avis added to this post, 8 minutes and 35 seconds later...



(standard disclaimer that MBTI isn't everything, blah, blah)

^ oh, yeah, me too.

[ElstonGunn]

Standard disclaimers aside, I think an INTJ might be very similar to me in a lot of ways. As far as personality goes, there aren't too many better ways to prevent me from having a romantic interest in someone than similarity to myself.

[Maayan]

Wow. I just realized how offensive this topic could be to many people. I wouldn't want to be put under a microscopic lens. I'm so sorry.

[Rudy]

Wow. I just realized how offensive this topic could be to many people. I wouldn't want to be put under a microscopic lens. I'm so sorry.
Ironically, I think that INTJs are much less susceptible to being offended by this kind of thing. Maybe that's just me, though. For all her lovely qualities, Nikita is not an INTJ, and she appears to be the only one to have voiced any kind of offense. The standard disclaimers were, I would venture, only put there so that the author does not get criticized for "generalizing" too much.

In short, there is nothing to be sorry for.


EDIT: Some people get annoyed by being put into "boxes." I don't know if this applies to all INTJs, but if someone cannot put me into a box or two, then I take it to mean that they don't know me very well.

[Synamon]

Wow. I just realized how offensive this topic could be to many people. I wouldn't want to be put under a microscopic lens. I'm so sorry.
It's not offensive. We like microscopes. There have been other threads like this in the past, no one got upset.

[Kisai]

Date an INTJ? Sure. I'm open to dating lots of different types of people. Just don't look at me like I'm a space alien when I suggest we get more comfortable.

[BostonIan]

Wow. I just realized how offensive this topic could be to many people. I wouldn't want to be put under a microscopic lens. I'm so sorry.

I wouldn't worry about it. We're not overly offendable and the topic isn't inherently offensive anyway.

On topic, I like the sympatico. Even when I disagree with INTJ's, I'll understand their thinking, and a small percentage of me will agree with them. The downside is the cuddly hedgehog social persona.

[ClydeB]

I would not date someone based solely on MBTI type. But if the situation were to arise, and we could both figure out that there was a mutual interest (long shot in my opinion). Sure, why not? I think the challenge would be the emotional and non verbal communication. Directness is a good thing to me. But when I have opened my heart to someone, sometimes that directness hurts. My last steady girlfriend was an INTP and we had some doosy's when it came to misreads.

But in retrospect, the makeup sex did make up for it.

[BlackOp]

Long range...intj/intp. You dont get bogged down in explaining your every action. NTs tend to own up. Maybe not to most "passionate"...but definitely stable.

INFP...maybe a week. They are so damn cute...like a kitten. You just want to pet the fur off of them. Too emotionally derivative from an idealistic viewpoint for anything longer. Fantasy vs. pragmatism never works....you will "j" them into a corner.

ESFP....more kid sister/brother. They are entertaining people. Good energy....just too irresponsible. Drinking/social buddies...sex might be fun. Too far apart for the long haul.

[Uytuun]

Wow. I just realized how offensive this topic could be to many people. I wouldn't want to be put under a microscopic lens. I'm so sorry.

I didn't understand this at all at first, lol.

I think I would prefer an NP. INTJ-INTJ has the whole understanding thing going on, but it can also be pretty...monotone.

[JohnDoe]

Ironically, I think that INTJs are much less susceptible to being offended by this kind of thing. Maybe that's just me, though. For all her lovely qualities, Nikita is not an INTJ, and she appears to be the only one to have voiced any kind of offense. The standard disclaimers were, I would venture, only put there so that the author does not get criticized for "generalizing" too much.

In short, there is nothing to be sorry for.


EDIT: Some people get annoyed by being put into "boxes." I don't know if this applies to all INTJs, but if someone cannot put me into a box or two, then I take it to mean that they don't know me very well.

Can I voice offense? I would avoid anyone who based their life decisions on what a test told them. Tests are rather imprecise tools.

[wittykitty]

Im not sure Id want to date someone with the same exact type as myself again. It's like I have to keep looking over my shoulder and know they are on the same page as me, it seems more mental than emotional- which is fine, but passion once youve had a taste is quite intoxicating. Sometimes I just prefer someone not so damn complex (purely personality speaking). Plus we would both suffer from superiority complexes. ISFPs are fun so long at their P is moderate. ENFPs win me over in a heart beat.

Blah blah blah disclaimer: If your cool, attractive, and we have similar interests I dont care about your type.

[krapyrubsnif]

INFP...maybe a week. They are so damn cute...like a kitten. You just want to pet the fur off of them. Too emotionally derivative from an idealistic viewpoint for anything longer. Fantasy vs. pragmatism never works....you will "j" them into a corner.

:'(

[JohnDoe]

I think it's possible to find someone who is both compatible and complementary within your own personality type.

The complementary aspect is vital, though - I wouldn't want to date myself.

For myself, I think I am likely looking for an NTJ...
- I wouldn't want someone too far to either end of the E/I spectrum. Flexibility is good, there.
- the S/N clash has been an issue for me (and many S's) in the past.
- out of personal (and honestly, gender-related) preference, I want to be with someone with a highly developed T.
- and I suppose because my J is barely dominant... I think I'd do well to be with someone who is action-oriented, motivated- who can drag me kicking and screaming when I just want to lie down. Well, except in a nice, non-stressful way, with that last bit.

This post is a good example of why this is stupid. What does it mean to have a highly developed T? Merely wanting to be with someone who is smart does not imply wanting an NT personality type. NF does not imply irrational lunatic. (Also noting that you can have a highly developed T side even if you test as F. MBTI is a preference. ) NF's can easily fill this bill too. This is why it is very, very dangerous to read too much into any of this. Throwing people into boxes is a great way to justify what you want to yourself, and not such a great way to make decisions.

[Rudy]

Can I voice offense? I would avoid anyone who based their life decisions on what a test told them. Tests are rather imprecise tools.
Of course you can voice offense. I was only saying that I thought that INTJs were less likely than most to take offense at this kind of thing.

Would you avoid anyone who used the results of a test as a guideline, or aid, when making decisions? There is a distinction between that, and what you have stated.

[JohnDoe]

Of course you can voice offense. I was only saying that I thought that INTJs were less likely than most to take offense at this kind of thing.

Would you avoid anyone who used the results of a test as a guideline, or aid, when making decisions? There is a distinction between that, and what you have stated.
Yeah that wasn't addressed at you, You just had the best summary of the conversation. :) I would avoid anyone who used ignored intuition or placed excess importance on personality types. Tests are best used as a tool to understand, not classify when it comes to people. Especially in the long run. They make great classifications at a given moment in time, but give horrible long run predictions (where long run is > 1 month).

[Rudy]

Yeah that wasn't addressed at you, You just had the best summary of the conversation. :) I would avoid anyone who used ignored intuition or placed excess importance on personality types. Tests are best used as a tool to understand, not classify when it comes to people. Especially in the long run. They make great classifications at a given moment in time, but give horrible long run predictions (where long run is > 1 month).

Hmm. Well, I've been interpreting this thread as: "Given the stereotypical characteristics of the INTJ, is such a person one you would want to date?", rather than: "If you typed a specific person as INTJ, would want to date them or not?" That is, it seems rather obvious to me that you wouldn't actually go out looking for a certain "type" to date. However, the characteristics that you would be looking for may very well predispose you to one type or another.

[Shorgenfunkel]

An INTP I could boss around

If an INTP is pushed into doing something he will automatically resist.

[JohnDoe]

Hmm. Well, I've been interpreting this thread as: "Given the stereotypical characteristics of the INTJ, is such a person one you would want to date?", rather than: "If you typed a specific person as INTJ, would want to date them or not?" That is, it seems rather obvious to me that you wouldn't actually go out looking for a certain "type" to date. However, the characteristics that you would be looking for may very well predispose you to one type or another.

I think that is what the original question was, but not what most of the answers have been about.

[Storm]

Ok, disregarding the whole "this isn't applicable to real life" debate:

I wouldn't want to date an INTJ because I am right, damn it - can't have someone else thinking he's right too!

[Synamon]

An INTP I could boss around

If an INTP is pushed into doing something he will automatically resist.

I like a battle. ;)

[HeyZeus]

Yes. The humor. The stability. The unshakability.

[firebee]

I like a battle. ;)

Hence one of the reasons why, annoyingly enough, I seem to have a thing for people who are later revealed to be INTJ. There seems to be at least a set of INTJs who not only don't fall over and cry when poked at, they appreciate it.

This is, one might say, tasty.

[JohnDoe]

There seems to be at least a set of INTJs who not only don't fall over and cry when poked at, they appreciate it.

Everyone has their limit. Don't try to purposefully find it.

[curiousjane]

I would and I am. And I have before.

But not BECAUSE of MBTI. Sort of IN SPITE of it, really.

[auriga vega]

I'd try it to see if it works. However, I'd rather date someone who has different functions, to balance the relationship.

[firebee]

Everyone has their limit. Don't try to purposefully find it.

Aww, sweet nothings. ;D

SHARK EMULATION MODE: DISENGAGE! DISENGAGE!

There are thems what appreciate people who do just that, y'know ;)

[JohnDoe]

Aww, sweet nothings. ;D

SHARK EMULATION MODE: DISENGAGE! DISENGAGE!

There are thems what appreciate people who do just that, y'know ;)

Sure, but even people who like some conflict to spice up their life have a point at which that fails. Edit: What I'm saying is don't push conflict just to see how far you can get away with it. Because everyone has some point at which they will say enough is enough.

[Tyrant Soup]

A mind similar to mine in a female body. Sounds interesting, but I'm skeptical they really exist outside of the internet.

[Storm]

A mind similar to mine in a female body. Sounds interesting, but I'm skeptical they really exist outside of the internet.

Ladies, do not let a fellow INTJ male know you are INTJ for this reason. They will stalk you. :P

Edit: Anyone who takes this seriously needs their humor detector adjusted stat.

[Aurelia]

I have never been attracted to any male INTJs that I have known in the past. I like them as friends but nothing more. While I would suspect the relationship to be stable, it would also be a bit boring. Perhaps that's why I was never attracted romantically. I wouldn't rule out dating another INTJ.

I never thought that I would have married an ISTJ but I did. :stunned:

[JohnDoe]

I have never been attracted to any male INTJs that I have known in the past. I like them as friends but nothing more. Not sure why.

I can't be attracted to people who are too emotionless :(

[Storm]

I have never been attracted to any male INTJs that I have known in the past. I like them as friends but nothing more. Not sure why.

I feel the same way. Perhaps too similar? Or just a coincidence?

[firebee]

Sure, but even people who like some conflict to spice up their life have a point at which that fails. Edit: What I'm saying is don't push conflict just to see how far you can get away with it. Because everyone has some point at which they will say enough is enough.

I usually don't eat the spleens of people I like. I might make them think I have... But I seriously do have a bit of a corundum around being able to stand up to someone who's capable of standing up to me.

[Aurelia]

I can't be attracted to people who are too emotionless :(

Interesting thought. I have been, on the other hand, wildly attracted to a few ENTJs that I have known. Perhaps the reason why the ENTJs of my past have been more attractive to me is because they are more expressive.

I feel the same way. Perhaps too similar? Or just a coincidence?

Maybe a little of both lol. I'm sure there's a few successful INTJ-INTJ matches out there.

[Maayan]

In short, there is nothing to be sorry for.


I'm cautious because I'm worried about my post coming off as a shiny new toy situation; self-indulgent emotionalism wrought with rash assumptions about how you would act. The following post is somewhat impersonal, yes, but its basis is personal. I hesitate to feed a cliché to serve my whim when I should know better. It's still disrespectful, even if it's not offensive.

Now. I think that there's definitely potential.

"They miserably fail to understand the basic needs of their bodies and therefore do not address them as a first priority. This goes for food and sex too. But do INTjs enjoy tasty food and sex? Sure, when you stick it under their nose. And what do they do to have plenty of fine food and meaningless sex? Precisely nothing. The latter one could be explained by the fact that by default INTjs are socially handicapped. Combined with their closely guarded fear of intimacy, this makes it pretty hard for INTjs to get laid, resulting in many INTjs being either virgins or remaining celibate for a long time." (Source (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.))

In other words, they tend to be perfectly happy reading a book (or whatever) on their own, but that doesn't mean that they wouldn't enjoy having someone else with whom to share these delights. In my experience, however, they won't expend much energy in looking, because they're busy and the world is full of interesting things to think about. Therefore, someone else needs to initiate the pursuit. I've been there. Amusingly, the pursuit (under the strict guidance of my ENFP friend) brought me something of the same hard-earned satisfaction as what I understand of the feeling that tp6626 described when carrying out a time-consuming, detail-oriented methodical task (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.").

I adore the intellectual stimulation and the impersonal dialogue that they provide. However, I get the feeling that many clever INTJs have come to expect it to be unreasonable to hope for a mate who is fantastically competent at participating in a conversation about their favorite interests. And, perhaps there is some bitterness that I can't always surprise them and measure up. Otherwise, I recognize that my own intense feelings are off-putting; they wreak havoc where they're not well-understood.

I wouldn't want to date an INTx if I didn't feel mature and self-aware enough to increase the probability that the relationship was likely to last. Until then, there are always ENFPs. :devilish:

[Rudy]

I adore the intellectual stimulation and the impersonal dialogue that they provide. However, I get the feeling that many clever INTJs have come to expect it to be unreasonable to hope for a mate who is fantastically competent at participating in a conversation about their favorite interests. And, perhaps there is some bitterness that I can't always surprise them and measure up. Otherwise, I recognize that my own intense feelings are off-putting; they wreak havoc where they're not well-understood.
I'm very impressed by the amount of thought you put into this. A lot of your assessments are dead on, at least as far as they apply to me. (How representative I am of INTJs is another matter.) I regret to say that I have somewhat come to give up the idea of finding someone who can discuss ideas with me on a completely equal footing... It's not that I don't think that such people exist, but rather that my being able to "catch" one is statistically unlikely.

Intense emotions in others do not really bother me, and perhaps are somewhat pleasing (perhaps to compensate for my difficulty in expressing emotions?) What is off-putting is irrationality. This often accompanies intense emotions, but it is most certainly not the same thing.

I wouldn't want to date an INTx if I didn't feel mature and self-aware enough to increase the probability that the relationship was likely to last. Until then, there are always ENFPs. :devilish:
ENFPs, huh? If you hook up with Josephine, can we have pictures? ;)

[Hatsumomo1]

INTJ's make good friends. Would I want one as a boyfriend? Not likely, but I don't discriminate.

Being in a relationship with another NT, I could picture it becoming quite...boring. I need something more than just logic and rational thinking. I need a little warmth, too.

[phantasma]

Everyone is different, and some people within a personality type are better for me than others. The main perk would be intellectual stimulation. However, I have a fault of confusing intellectual closeness with emotional closeness. There wouldn't be enough warmth. And their need to have things planned would put a damper on the relationship for me.

[Hinun]

would, because I might share similar goals, thoughts, etc.

I wouldn't because I am very self loathing and hate how cold and distant I can be...assuming that someone of my type is like this. It is mostly about being self loathing though, lol...

[ranwayslo]

What? There are female INTJs? Go go cloaking...ummm...cloak.
:idea:
Beginning phase one Observation...

Of course the benefit of this is that 3 and a half years from now once the data has been collected and analyzed the subject_female_INTJ will appreciate all the effort of thought and the empirical nature of the data so much that she will realize the only logical conclusion is a partnership for the duration of our natural lives.:lovestruck:

By the way. The above text is a joke.:smartass:

My take on this is that your type is like the frame of a house or the format of a book. You are the content of said domicile or body of work. I will date any type that has interesting content. As an INTJ I can figure out a way to access that content should I be so inclined.

The pseudo science is below
((Content)Physical Attraction)/Emotional Extremism+Physical Clinginess = Date-ability

[Jinxu]

I think it's possible to find someone who is both compatible and complementary within your own personality type.

The complementary aspect is vital, though - I wouldn't want to date myself.

For myself, I think I am likely looking for an NTJ...
- I wouldn't want someone too far to either end of the E/I spectrum. Flexibility is good, there.
- the S/N clash has been an issue for me (and many S's) in the past.
- out of personal (and honestly, gender-related) preference, I want to be with someone with a highly developed T.
- and I suppose because my J is barely dominant... I think I'd do well to be with someone who is action-oriented, motivated- who can drag me kicking and screaming when I just want to lie down. Well, except in a nice, non-stressful way, with that last bit.



That's me. But I think I might be a little too young for you. What do you think? ;D

[alphawolf]

I have been with enough different women to finally realize that I don't like introverted ones very much. You can never tell just exactly what has gotten their panties into a wad.

No, I like women who are very outgoing, have brains, good taste, and are rational.

[probity]

It would be interesting being with someone with whom I could think and reason similarly. I would definitely consider dating an NTJ. I wouldn't want to date an INTJ unless they were significantly less introverted than me. I'm much too introverted as it is, if not someone less introverted than me, I would at least need someone more concerned with interpersonal relationships. That's why I tend to like INFJ men.

[Rudy]

The pseudo science is below
((Content)Physical Attraction)/Emotional Extremism+Physical Clinginess = Date-ability

I think you meant:

((Content)Physical Attraction)/(Emotional Extremism+Physical Clinginess) = Date-ability

Unless "Physical Clinginess" makes someone more dateable in your eyes.

[Maayan]

INTJ's make good friends. Would I want one as a boyfriend? Not likely, but I don't discriminate.

Being in a relationship with another NT, I could picture it becoming quite...boring. I need something more than just logic and rational thinking. I need a little warmth, too.

They're emotionally guarded; not unemotional (from my experience). It takes time.

[Rudy]

They're emotionally guarded; not unemotional (from my experience). It takes time.
Thank you for making this very important distinction! Not emotionally expressive does not imply unemotional. I often feel quite a maelstrom of emotions inside of me...

[Maayan]

Some thoughts pulled out of an old email exchange with an INTJ (I can't take credit for the most of the ideas); developed in PM land to support my point, and now relevant to the discussion:

My love for the scientific method -- There's a relatively simple explanation for that. I've spent most of my life in NT-centric environments (my favorite academic subjects, virtually all of my meaningful friendships, you name it), which may have led me to internalize NT-values and demand the associated traits from myself. After all, friendship (and this /desire/ dominates me regardless of the context) is based on judgment of the interaction, not of the person.

Every interpersonal interaction responds to the relevant aspects of one's personality in the context of the situation. I may well be fantastically competent in another context (e.g., a conversation where an instinctual /reaction/ is sufficient, and my intelligence is merely the garnish), but that doesn't always come up. I mean, I can handle /fun conversations/ with INTJs well enough -- considering that I'm kind of borderline on a lot of the qualities, as well as the fact that I'm not insanely immature, and I've been told that my "happyhappy" side is a nice balance -- but I still feel like I'm better suited for helping them relax from their usual rational normal life, rather than becoming an integral part of it.

For something like a romantic relationship, when you are a team, the standards are much different /and/ a certain amount of autonomy must be preserved. To this end, my normal approaches are often inadequate (and I recognize that this isn't my problem, but a part of the human condition) and so it's helpful to seek out relevant alternative ways of thinking. When I pursued my INTJ, for example, I relied too heavily on "fooling" him into thinking that I was an NT (see: NT/NF Death Spiral; I think it applies here), when in fact my ENFP friend taught me that expressing myself less impersonally and drawing more attention to my positive feelings allowed me to occupy my own niche in the relationship /and/ give myself a break. That's a solution that neither of us (ESFP + INTJ) was aware of.

(Conclusion: I need me some more Ne.)

[llBradll]

I wouldn't want to date and INTJ. Being one myself, I think almost everything would be done in a rational way which would take the fun away. I think I'd die of boredom.

[ElstonGunn]

I get the feeling that many clever INTJs have come to expect it to be unreasonable to hope for a mate who is fantastically competent at participating in a conversation about their favorite interests.

Unless "Physical Clinginess" makes someone more dateable in your eyes.

I suppose I'm odd for an INTJ. Intellectual stimulation is nice, but it's not in the top five things I value in a romantic partner. And I'd like a certain amount of physical clinginess-- not to mention intense emotions-- from a her, even though that's anathema to a lot of INTJs.

[Rudy]

I suppose I'm odd for an INTJ. Intellectual stimulation is nice, but it's not in the top five things I value in a romantic partner. And I'd like a certain amount of physical clinginess-- not to mention intense emotions-- from a her, even though that's anathema to a lot of INTJs.
I distinguish physical clinginess from physical affection. I desire physical affection, and contact, and "cuddling" and all that mushy stuff. Although it's a somewhat tautological definition, physical clinginess is excessive physical contact, where the person wants to always be touching.

And, actually, I'd like intense emotions too. Emotions in others make it much easier for me to express my own.

[Zilal]

I would totally date an INTJ who was like me... able to be open, spontaneous, and affectionate, along with the usual stuff like introverted, responsible, uh, brilliant, etc. You know, balanced.

I'm not sure I would want to date the stereotypical INTJ. I'd want someone more open and flexible than that.

[Storm]

INTJs are open, just a bit stubborn. Aren't we the "Free-Thinkers?"

All the profiles also say (if you can trust'em) that INTJs are intensely loyal when they do decide to be with someone. They just don't talk about it.

INTJ and relationships link (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)

I think everyone wants some physical affection from their S.O.

[rara avis]

This post is a good example of why this is stupid. What does it mean to have a highly developed T? Merely wanting to be with someone who is smart does not imply wanting an NT personality type. NF does not imply irrational lunatic. (Also noting that you can have a highly developed T side even if you test as F. MBTI is a preference. ) NF's can easily fill this bill too. This is why it is very, very dangerous to read too much into any of this. Throwing people into boxes is a great way to justify what you want to yourself, and not such a great way to make decisions.

I guess I was working on the assumption that we all know this is about putting loose handles on personality features, not definitively boxing people up. Hence my kinda off-handed borrowing of Syn's caveat.

I did not intend to imply that an F orientation = less intelligence... in fact, I believe I've posted in the past explaining exactly why I absolutely don't believe that. However, in my experience, a pronounced F preference might sometimes go hand in hand with an increased likeliness to get one's panties in an offended bunch and derail what ought to be relatively frank, lightweight, fun, hypothetical discussions. Not a trait that's high on my relationship wishlist.

This conversation is a leeettle ludicrous on my part, anyway- the people that I meet who attract me are so, so, rare... the MBTI isn't a shopping list, for me; more like just another method of verb-free analysis for me to screw around with.

Hmm. Well, I've been interpreting this thread as: "Given the stereotypical characteristics of the INTJ, is such a person one you would want to date?", rather than: "If you typed a specific person as INTJ, would want to date them or not?" That is, it seems rather obvious to me that you wouldn't actually go out looking for a certain "type" to date. However, the characteristics that you would be looking for may very well predispose you to one type or another.

That was my take, too.

That's me. But I think I might be a little too young for you. What do you think? ;D

:flirt: I don't know, I might like 'em young & malleable...

They're emotionally guarded; not unemotional (from my experience). It takes time.

Very true. And the topic of lack of warmth keeps coming up - for my part, I am pretty cold where most people are concerned, definitely. I'm slow to warm... but I will heat right up, for the right [patient] person.

Though maybe my brand of warmth looks a little different from a cuddlier girl's... all the more reason for me to be with a man who speaks my emotional language.

[Rudy]

:flirt: I don't know, I might like 'em young & malleable...

*laments the fact that all the interesting girls in life are long distances away* =/





RudyHenkel added to this post, 0 minutes and 58 seconds later...

However, in my experience, a pronounced F preference might sometimes go hand in hand with an increased likeliness to get one's panties in an offended bunch and derail what ought to be relatively frank, lightweight, fun, hypothetical discussions. Not a trait that's high on my relationship wishlist.
Ooh, burned.

[yepunsarang]

Oh yeah...def. But only INTJs that are a bit balanced---meaning, INTJs that have at least some "F" in there. Perhaps an INTJ that shows more "F" to a loved one. I feel like INTJs (at least the ones I know) think like me to a certain extent, understand me, and respect who I am. They're also incredibly intelligent (absolutely necessary for me in any relationship) and we can have the best convos in the world!

[Jinxu]

:flirt: I don't know, I might like 'em young & malleable...

I'm also a quick learner and I take directions really well. Will this put me on your radar? :nice:

[DanteFalling]

As an INTJ:

I have to admit that as much as I am mentally attracted to INTJs, we tend to have awkward, intense interactions which we very deeply love but need to sever very quickly after just short periods of interaction (my twin sister is also INTJ and we are so alike mentally though not socially that we can see the other sisters' problems but feel annoyed that the person is not able to see them or is still working through them).

I LOVE INTJs because they are interesting, mysterious, gloriously brilliant (at least in my limited experience [there aren't too many of them, are there?]), and generally deeply interested in existence/ideals/memes/and oh, everything. I love instantly recognizing them in their glance. It's shocking but rewarding. It is simply difficult to get along everyday (I have lived in the same bedroom with my sister on and off for twenty years). A male INTJ I met as an undergrad was utterly beautiful in mind and body, but I found myself becoming constantly "extroverted" in order to get him out of his shell/make him happier. I loved his brain, his choice to use the Dvorak keyboard, his Daoism, his glasses and no nonsense clothes, and his ability to manipulate java and chemicals in a lab, but I hated having to play the extrovert all the time. He was also very limited in his dating history/interaction with any women, so his views tended to be both naive and sexist. I fell into a trap of attempting to give him interpersonal tools I felt I had somewhat honed for myself.

I was dating/engaged to an INTP/Data of Next Gen man for over 4 years. It was beautiful and rewarding and intensely respectful. I was far too young and in need of my freedom, but we remain friends to this day and still consider a relationship after his PhD and my grad school/world travel/everything else. How this was different from an INTJ: the INTP seemed more willing to be laid back/didn't view himself as such a failure/Eeyore all of the time. The INTP seemed more in need of a commitment than the INTJ.

I also dated an ENFJ; boy was that weird. I held so many controlling factors in the relationship, but he was insanely emotionally capable and controlling. I often knew I had an emotion but was frustrated by his need for me to categorize and discuss it before I even knew what universe it belonged to. I was also older than him and still wanting to finish off all of my personal development. I valued his interpersonal/large group skills, but he ended up living with me for six months, no time off at all immediately upon becoming friends (BEFORE WE WERE EVEN DATING). I insisted he keep his house, which he did, but it was still too (insert hand motion and look of confusion here). I told him we had to switch between moving from my apartment to his, hoping that would lessen things for me. I felt he and I were incapable of bettering our minds because so much time was spent on "harmonizing." I realized that although we were both idealists, I was bored and under-achieving. I tried to leave that relationship open to a possible future as well, but the ENFJ could not handle anything but immediately getting together again or viewing the relationship as an EPIC FAIL. This differed from an INTJ relationship in so many ways I can't even begin to conceptualize them. INTJs may learn emotions much like Asperger's learn the algorithms of facial expression, but that doesn't mean we have those skills naturally. The ENFJ needed constant emotional updates: I felt like a facebook status permanently on reload. Although INTJs may obsessively ask: what are you thinking about/feeling? It's more a way to express interest and to acknowledge the other person's value.

I'm sorry I type such long posts. I'll hopefully get over that when I'm no longer a noob.

The wonderful thing about an INTJ relationship would be the long, in-depth talks, the need to constantly amass information, and the true respect and loyalty.

[ElstonGunn]

However, in my experience, a pronounced F preference might sometimes go hand in hand with an increased likeliness to get one's panties in an offended bunch and derail what ought to be relatively frank, lightweight, fun, hypothetical discussions.

You haven't read much of this forum, have you? ;)

[Chain]

Probably not. Someone as cold, callous and quiet as I am doesn't sound like a good idea. Not to mention that I'm not interested in power struggles.

It's just 180 out of what I'm looking for. I want a partner that's complement to my way, not a match or a hinderance. I want someone that is not only competent with, but willing to pick up the tasks that either I have little interest in, or aren't very good at (things like people, and getting through the day). I also want someone that will give my mind a break from the SSDD calculatory crap. I'm not going to find much of that in an INTJ.

Maybe a little of both lol. I'm sure there's a few successful INTJ-INTJ matches out there.

:laugh: I know of one such match getting married in September.

[Jgib5328]

I'd rather jump off of a bridge than date another INTJ. They just wouldn't complement me at all. I'd rather have a type that's different enough from me to help me develop more as a person, but also a person who is compatible.

[Sinequanon]

I can't see dating an INTJ, to be honest. I don't have any interest in drawing an introverted thinker out of her shell. There is a very sexy confidence they have, though (at least from the exactly one that I've observed from afar.. she's not even physically attractive but there's a really nice assertive quality).

I'm currently sorta seeing an INFJ and it's been tons and tons of sparks. I like that more.

[AliTree]

no. i dated an INFJ that was almost 50/50 F/T. when personalities are that similar, you never get challenged i think. i know i didn't. he didn't force me to be a better me and vice versa from just being different because, instead, we were very much the same.

[curiousjane]

no. i dated an INFJ that was almost 50/50 F/T. when personalities are that similar, you never get challenged i think. i know i didn't. he didn't force me to be a better me and vice versa from just being different because, instead, we were very much the same.

This is so far removed from my experience with my INTJ ...

Maybe it is the J/P difference, I don't know, but one thing that is amazing about our particular INFP/INTJ match is that we complement each other incredibly well. He inspires me. Somehow I inspire him. We have similar interests, but different enough "tastes" that we are still unique and find delight in getting to know each other and becoming accustomed to the new take on similar topics.

I help him relax and enjoy the moment. He helps me get up and get started. He seems to enjoy my weird/odd moments of hilarity and impulsiveness. I am drawn to his keen understanding of how things work and his incredible observations of the things and people around him—they hyper-focus he posseses.

Yet, compared to say, my ESTP brother and his INTP wife, our relationship is way more similar and almost cozy (as opposed to their active/affectionately bantering relationship with very different interests outside of their many sporting and on-the-go events).

We have similar taste in music, entertainment, hobbies, etc. Yet again ... just different enough to not be identical. He might be more interested in the mechanics of creation while I am more interested in the aesthetics of the same.

We can pick out books in a book store that the other would enjoy ... and be right 9 times out of 10.

The chemistry and comraderie is an incredible thing to experience. I highly recommend it!

(Does this answer why I would want to date an INTJ? :lovestruck:)

[blossom]

This is so far removed from my experience with my INTJ ...

Maybe it is the J/P difference, I don't know, but one thing that is amazing about our particular INFP/INTJ match is that we complement each other incredibly well. He inspires me. Somehow I inspire him. We have similar interests, but different enough "tastes" that we are still unique and find delight in getting to know each other and becoming accustomed to the new take on similar topics.



I think it is the J/P difference. I have a very strong J preference and my INTJ boyfriend has a very weak J preference--almost 50/50. It makes the relationship similar to what you are describing; there is no way a strong J and I would work well together. A strong P would drive me insane.

I think that in choosing a partner, if you have really strong preferences for I/E, J/P, or F/T, you will have fewer issues if you find someone who is well balanced in that area (too much the same and you clash, too opposite and you are annoyed and irritated).

[dalidaisy]

I've never known an INTJ, let alone dated one. But, since finding out that I have a type, I have been interested in finding out what it would be like to date someone similar to myself.

Now, I have met an INTJf member & I must say that I feel more comfortable than I ever have with anyone. There is just a level of understanding there that I have never experienced before. I have found that this INTJ has quickly become my favorite person. It's making me question my judgements about relationships.

[Tranquillity]

I wouldn't date myself if I was a women. My kids would be messed up haha

Deffo attracted to Fs more than T. I argue with myself in my head all the time that when I am around people I would need a break from all the thinking. Who is going to teach my kids empathy and feelings 'cos it ain't going to be me.

[ElstonGunn]

We have similar interests, but different enough "tastes" that we are still unique and find delight in getting to know each other and becoming accustomed to the new take on similar topics.

I think my INFJ and I might have similar tastes but different interests. We have similar takes on new topics. I don't think it has much to do with a J and J combination, though. According to the write up on TypeLogic (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.), we'd be "Companions," meaning that we have "similar modes of expression: bear each others' company well."

[Storm]

I wouldn't date myself if I was a women. My kids would be messed up haha

Deffo attracted to Fs more than T. I argue with myself in my head all the time that when I am around people I would need a break from all the thinking. Who is going to teach my kids empathy and feelings 'cos it ain't going to be me.

People don't need to be taught empathy and feelings - they have them.

It is an interesting point that two INTJs might have trouble if they have, say, an ENFP kid. However, I don't think it's an insurmountable problem, espeically if the parents are aware that their kid has stronger emotional needs.

[ElstonGunn]

Although it would be a problem if two INTJs had a Sensor kid. They'd probably tie him up in a sack and throw him in the river. ...Or at least be disappointed, judging by what I've seen.

[TheLastMohican]

Although it would be a problem if two INTJs had a Sensor kid. They'd probably tie him up in a sack and throw him in the river. ...Or at least be disappointed, judging by what I've seen.
I think I would get along pretty well with an ISTx. They would probably make good kids.

[rara avis]

Although it would be a problem if two INTJs had a Sensor kid. They'd probably tie him up in a sack and throw him in the river. ...Or at least be disappointed, judging by what I've seen.

My two IST parents had an INTJ firstborn. (Me.) I'm pretty sure the sack/river option was discussed at certain points in my upbringing.

My two younger siblings are ExFx - they are each, in many ways, somehow much easier for everyone to interact with than I am. I'm known as The Family Pill. :D

I've wondered what I'd do if I had an ESFJ child... it'd be an extremely educational experience...

[dalidaisy]

I'm a single mother of 2 children, an ISFj & an ENtP. They are like night & day to each other, but I am able to understand each of them somehow. My ex is an ESFP & he was harder to get along with than the both of them. He had to go.

So far as I've seen, after finding this forum & experiencing other INTJ personalities, I think I am best suited for another INT type. I think that my kids could accept them as well, seeing as they know and accept me the way I am already. The questions is, if I found an INTJ mate, would they be able to tolerate my children? I think the introvert wouldn't be much trouble, but I wonder about my little intuitive extrovert. She's a handful & then some. She craves attention & can be very manipulative.

[Chain]

This is so far removed from my experience with my INTJ ...

Maybe it is the J/P difference, I don't know, but one thing that is amazing about our particular INFP/INTJ match is that we complement each other incredibly well. He inspires me. Somehow I inspire him. We have similar interests, but different enough "tastes" that we are still unique and find delight in getting to know each other and becoming accustomed to the new take on similar topics.

I help him relax and enjoy the moment. He helps me get up and get started. He seems to enjoy my weird/odd moments of hilarity and impulsiveness. I am drawn to his keen understanding of how things work and his incredible observations of the things and people around him—they hyper-focus he posseses.

Yet, compared to say, my ESTP brother and his INTP wife, our relationship is way more similar and almost cozy (as opposed to their active/affectionately bantering relationship with very different interests outside of their many sporting and on-the-go events).

We have similar taste in music, entertainment, hobbies, etc. Yet again ... just different enough to not be identical. He might be more interested in the mechanics of creation while I am more interested in the aesthetics of the same.

We can pick out books in a book store that the other would enjoy ... and be right 9 times out of 10.

The chemistry and comraderie is an incredible thing to experience. I highly recommend it!

(Does this answer why I would want to date an INTJ? :lovestruck:)

I don't think you can nail down any particular function as a rule of thumb.

With the INFJ that I dated, the J/P preference wasn't the biggest thing. Her F/T preference provided enough of a difference on it's own. Another big help in that department was her I/E preference. True, we were both I's, but whereas I'm extremely introverted, she was more on the border. So, while understanding that I require large amounts of time to myself and that I live most of my life in my head, she was still a big help in dealing with people- both running "damage control," and getting me away from my projects.

With her, it also wasn't a very passionate thing for me. Though there was passion, she was more of a companion than someone I lusted after. An INTJ would just be too cold for me.

With the ENFP that I dated, the E wore me out, and the extreme impulsiveness- while cute at first- drove me up the wall.

The functions and their levels that cause problems or help are different for everyone and every relationship.

[Tranquillity]

People don't need to be taught empathy and feelings - they have them.

It is an interesting point that two INTJs might have trouble if they have, say, an ENFP kid. However, I don't think it's an insurmountable problem, espeically if the parents are aware that their kid has stronger emotional needs.

I mean people's skills. I guess they will generally learn from friends and at school but still would be better if I find a wife that is the perfect hostess and people's person for my kids to learn off.

[NDBrewer]

My ex is an ESFP & he was harder to get along with than the both of them. He had to go.

If you had to list a few traits that made him so difficult to get along with, what would they be? What caused the most friction between you?