ESTP/INTJ

[ESTP]

SITREP:

Me: (female) hardcore ESTP Him: 90% sure INTJ
Situation: Need advice on how to not eff it up.

I'm very good at ruining whatever's good, or I tend to go for guys who I know it won't work with forwhatever reason. With this one...he doesn't let me get away with my crap.

He'll tell me like it is.
I can tell him like it is. We talk it out, and move past it.

We have awsome sex. We're not in a relationship: started out dating, were friends due to both our lives being crazy...wrong timing...none the less...He is da bomb.

People always assume were a couple when out and about. When we get together, we tend to spend days at a time together, when we FINALLY separate, we dont see each other for about the equal amount of time, however we talk on the phone, usually more than once per day.

I can see this one in my future long term. Bah! I dont see ANYTHING long term...so figure that one out. Don't know how to stop myself from messing this up, I know inevitably I will seek out an opertunity to make it seem like he messed up big, and chalk it up to him just not being right in the head when I know its not true.

He forces me to open up unlike ever before, not so much forces...but makes it ok to be me and encourages it.

He's suggested that when I'm with him that he is "like your kryptonite, when you're with me you're so comfertable but something is killing you inside it seems". So true.

He babies me to getting things done. I force him (make him realize more so) to take it easy from time to time, and it's ok to let steam off from time to time.

He has mentioned with me, he feels more positive about things, and he's got a more lighter feeling about him.

I let him drive my car. If there was such thing as a Jesus, I wouldn't let him drive my car! Basically, what I'm getting at, is that I let him have control, a lot of the time...total control. But, it's never un-even. We'll butt heads, I'll give in (sooo weird for me) and then he'll steer the situation, but only with my approval/consent/ how/what I want.

This is getting outta hand. This guy sees me for what I am, and it scares me...makes me want to push him away as far as humanly possible...but I know he's good for me.

ADVICE?

I feel like the guy in my avatar just about now.

[callmemigs]

ask an advice from an ESFP.

[elsdfr]

Hi and welcome ESTP! (you are rare in these parts). Prepare for the examination.

I don't know of any confirmed ESTPs and I'm pretty bad at relationships so I'm just going to post here anyway and get my awkward on while I try and work out what your question is.

In the mean time you might want to check out the ENFP Hotline.

[ESTP]

Well, coming from an INTj prespective what would be the ideal way to approach to objective.

[Maayan]

This is getting outta hand. This guy sees me for what I am, and it scares me...makes me want to push him away as far as humanly possible...but I know he's good for me.


Okay. I don't really know what you should do, obviously, but latch onto any suggestion you like.

1. You're putting him on a pedestal. He's not higher up than Jesus. He shouldn't be higher up than you.

2. All I have to go on is your post, of course, but you sound pretty melodramatic. After reading over your post a couple of times, it seems like the only thing that's getting out of hand is your cool. I would try not to read into everything so much.

3. My favorite professor once sat me down and told me, "Love isn't coffee! You can't let it percolate! Stop thinking, start kissing and get over it!" It sounds like you're afraid, and that's what's driving you to destroy the thing(s) you're afraid of. That it he can see into your soul? That you might lose him? The uncertainty of the future? Your choice of Harlequin backcover one-liners? Find out what's scaring you and put it into perspective.

4. Find a better outlet for your psychotic side than destroying relationships.

All of this is easier said than done, of course.

[Chilifoot]

Your post sounds very drama like and I am surprised that your INTJ is still there...
... so he must find anything with you that is good enough to stay.
I knew an ESTP who wanted to provoke it all the time. That was unbearable.
I would guess your emptiness without action scares you. But I believe, if your INTJ likes you, he is willing to fill this gap without action. I knew an ESTP who had a lot of energy and that was quite likeable.

[ESTP]

:freak:

Alright, that post I put up there, was last night at like 3am so I might sound a little off more than Iusually would...couldn't sleep.
BUT none the less, it still doesnt change the facts.

Quite frankly, I agree Chilifoot with the "I am surprised that your INTJ is still there" because, from the type of preson he is, I reckon he wouldn't put up with most other people the same.

I think he sees that I'm sorta a mess inside when it comes to people/emotions, and...I dont know. Obviously I am, seeing as how I'm all worked up about him like this.

Another thing, he has mentioned a few times that he believes that I'm insecure and that I shouldn't be. Odd, seeing as how just about 98% of the people who have met me, encouter me, know me think the complete oposite. In fact, he's absolutely right, and that's the kind of stuff that's scary to me...that he can see past just about every wall or fascade. Just not use to it...I tend not to stick around ppl who can see me that way. It's complicated to explain without trying to sound overly messed up... (yey for denial) :wreck:

I think perhaps, according to what people have said here, he might like my energy. He has called me skitterish, and has joked about me being ADHD because I'm always hyper or just full of life. Not in a negative way, but he says its "cute".

Also, theres certain instances where people will do things that he will seriously talk down upon or pretty harsh about, and if I mention I've done or do the same he'll say things like "well, it's different when you do it, it's funny/cute". Perahps..that (for ME) creats an awkwardness because...how can a same action be construed as crap in one instance and then as gold in the next. Know what I'm saying??

I dont know. It's just that when I convince myself that I'm ok with being friends and thats IT...he'll go and do or say something and it'll put me back to square one where I'm just like WTF is wrong with me. I dont know. I dont get worked up over people like this..it's just strange is all.

[Pandemonium]

Are you destruction personified?

The entirety of your rant is; "Why do he choose to stay with me?" This displays that you have doubts about the person who you are. Perhaps, you do not know who you are or the presence of this person makes you doubt your identity. You are more or less the product of a mass production of similar purpose and meaning. That purpose and meaning has little substance nor will it aid you in your relationships.

In reference to another point raised is that a huge proportion of people somehow believe that a title and name must be given to an intimate relationship. This name is totally irrelevant but has somehow been the soul cause of relationship malfunction. It would appear to me that you two are a couple and are in a intimate relationship and the naming or attaching a voiced definition of the relationship is not necessary. If you were considering approaching him on the matter of naming the relationship it is too late. You are both in an intimate relationship. If he objects that you are, you may have greater issues to deal with.

Probably the third tier of this issue is the lack of communicating your needs and wants. You say that he can stare into your soul but has failed to notice that you require consultation? A great way to convey your needs and wants is to first ask him what he needs and wants from a relationship with you or others. Without proper consultation you leave yourself to be paranoid. You view the events from the past and try to fit old models into the new situations. You somehow believe that such a person is too good for you, jumping from initiated transfer of information to despair. If such a person can see past your protective persona isn't that a person worth keeping?

My only advice is that you should become content with yourself as an individual before initiating intimate relationships with people.


Someone like myself needs constant growth and self improvement in a relationship. Those needs are not met by most people.

[ToC]

I love that song "Dicks like Jesus"

[curiousjane]

My brother is ESTP. My mom was INTJ. They got along just fine. But that's a totally different kind of relationship. :)

I think you're getting the N creepy-scary-see-into-your-soul stuff here and it is throwing you off kilter because ESTPs are SOOOOO action and experience and psycho crazy "experience" oriented. You're really, really in touch with your senses. This makes you physically exciting to be around for the INTJ in your life. And he knows that deep inside you need the grounding he can provide to your antics and wild thoughts (wild as in all over the place, brilliant, active). While he needs to be drawn out of himself by you.

You have a relationship with this guy whether you admit it to yourself (or him) or not. Sorry to break it to you, but hanging out for extended periods of time, calling daily, having sex, and engaging each other in great communication (or comforting periods of companionable silence) is a relationship. You just haven't titled it as such because to do so would scare the bejeebers out of both of you.

My advice? Let go and let it happen. But if you really do see something long-term happening with this guy, you're going to have to learn that you can't always get up and go and do the Next Great Exciting Thing if it will risk endangering your close bond with this guy. He seems to understand who you are and like exactly who that person is. Let him. Don't be skittish.

[ESTP]

Insanely enough, INTJ and I've only known each other for about two months...but the comfort level, behaviours and mannerisms we exhibit together/towards each other makes it seem/suggest like it's years.

The connection and communication is definitly there. I find more and more, that in situation where I'd like to seek out advice he's my first person to go to because of his no-nonsense clear-headed approach. He always gives phenomenal advice, and sometimes he even answers my questions before I even ask them.

Very recently, I find myself sort of starting to pull the typical me and I'm starting to go into the "flight" mode. I recognize it and I think he might see me withdrawing a little too, but I've notice him wanting to spend more and more time together (including time with his family) since I've become that way. Speaking of spending time...when we get together, it's pretty much impossible to spend an hour or two together, it's usually an all day or a all day/night/next day together. Seems like there's an inability to part ways.


My dad is an INTJ, a very Fe undeveloped...SUPERBLY undeveloped. My INTJ I think (in comparison to my dad) is very well developed in just about most aspects. I notice he and my dad click like crazy and have the most boring/long conversations you can think of. My dad doesn't talk to most people the way he talks to him. He gets along superbly with my ENFP mom, and I find him rationalizing my dad's behaviours sometimes with her. It's quite interesting to see.

A thing I really like about my INTJ is that is an issue arizes we discuss it right away, and move on. We don't hold grudges. I called him out on something I thought was a really crappy situation once, and I told him in that instance he failed. I don't think that he's use to being told that he's "failed" and We discussed the situation, and moved on.

I'd like to know if other INTJs on here are similar in those respects.