What aspects of other people do you focus on?

[Maayan]

Yes, another one of those threads.

Allow me to try to better characterize my titular question with some follow-up questions:

Do you think of them as vessels with complex psyches? Do you find yourself focused on how the gears in their mind turn? Or, is it difficult for you to imagine them as creatures with a psyche that functions like your own? Do you focus on their body language? The actual words that come out of their mouth? Their tone of voice? Do you view them through the lens of what you think they should be, or what you'd like them to be? (Take that last prompt however you'd like. :wiseguy:)

What do you notice first? What do you never notice? What's easier for you to notice? What's harder?

So on, and so forth.

[JohnDoe]

How has no one responded to this post yet? Lets go people!

[Maayan]

*laugh* It's fine. I think it's safe to say that I was off-base in starting this one. :p

[JohnDoe]

*laugh* It's fine. I think it's safe to say that I was off-base in starting this one. :p

I wanted to see answers :(

[Perf]

I think I'm already in love with you Maayan. Just the list of questions - oh man, it's enough to turn me into a romantic. It's my wet-dream: someone asking a ton of prodding, poking questions, and actually appearing interested in my answers.

Why can't there be more of you?

I think I've totally lost focus on the thread, but to try to answer your question, you can probably tell it would be the other persons' level of interest in the conversation and discussion. Oh, and a sexy avatar.

[JohnDoe]

What, did this turn into the flirt with Maayan thread?

[Perf]

I don't know, two posts ago?

Hey, what can I say, I guess I have a question fetish.

[Jinxu]

What, did this turn into the flirt with Maayan thread?

Why not?

Okay, I'm done here.

[Vagrant]

I notice their face first.

I don't fixate on any particular aspect -- the whole package is generally what I'm looking at.

[gunnerstahl]

I would think INTJs are extremely prone to thinking of other people as the sum of their actions mixed a little bit with possible thoughtful intuition about reasons for those actions.

[IreOfDesire]

I`m scanning them for the three things of value to me: intelligence, creativity and will power. If not found - skip.

[playthestatic]

I'm one of those who are inclined to think badly of people until I'm proven wrong - if I've just met you, I take everything you say and do with a pinch of salt. I'm also generally uninterested unless you do something that grabs my attention, whether bad or good. I've gotten a tainted first impression of a lot of exceptional people, but the fact that they ARE exceptional people has to be proven to me over time.

Specific things I notice when I try? I notice the sort of things they are apt to talk about (if they are apt to talk much at all), what sort of things they ask me and seem interested in, and I wonder about their motivations. If the above is sufficiently interesting, I keep paying attention, if not, I quickly tune them out.

I don't actually notice body language much at all - I'm bad at noticing and responding to physical cues, unless that person has done (or IS) something that causes me to focus plenty of attention on them.

[Asinine]

Initial impression is usually visual, and usually includes:
- Visual attractiveness
- Cultural, societal identification
- Visible emotional expression
- Focus of attention
- Assertiveness
- Aesthetic neatness
- Functional organization

The next is usually auditory, from this I can grasp:
- Basic intelligence
- Conformity
- Actual emotional state
- Local group identification
- Cognitive Dissonance and handling
- Interest of the moment

Also, most people do not give off enough information to make this judgment in a first impression; but, I spend a lot of time trying to see if a person has the ability to plan ahead or is stuck in the moment, and how they handle complex short term and long term problems. That typically takes a few minutes.

"Do you think of them as vessels with complex psyches?"
No, I think of them as largely reflexive and dependent parts of a mass identity, typically with a thin coating of complex emotions and thought on the surface. I am actually quite surprised and typically pleased to see individualized thoughts and feelings.

"Do you find yourself focused on how the gears in their mind turn?"
Yes.

"Or, is it difficult for you to imagine them as creatures with a psyche that functions like your own?"
My primary way of interacting with people is based on assumptions gained from knowledge of myself. Thus, aspects of my personality that I see in others, I understand easily. Aspects that are lacking are not very well understood without further study. I also have very little way of knowing what parts of my consciousness are unique or rare and what are common.

"Do you focus on their body language? The actual words that come out of their mouth? Their tone of voice?"
I can pick up additional information from body language and tone of voice at times. Although, I tend not to be very good at the common sense stuff, and will fail to react as expected. I rely mainly on what is said directly. Body language mainly tells me what a person's current attitude is, not why, and not what I need to do about it.

"Do you view them through the lens of what you think they should be, or what you'd like them to be?"
...what they should be. I'd like them to do what I want. But, they should be their own individual selves. Unfortunately, neither are likely to happen. Although, I do have much more success with "like," which depresses me.

[HeyZeus]

I'm pretty open and receptive to most things, but an annoying voice or a too loud talking voice are repellant.

[Muumeh]

I usually concentrate on people's face, and maybe hand movements. Can't really read anything about their body language, except maybe their general attitude towards the subject(s).

Other than physical appearances, I mainly concentrate on what and how they say things, and try to catch what they actually mean.

[LaoTzu]

I tend to settle on the eyes first...try and figure out if there's a light at the end of those tunnels. Then the tonality with which they speak, the words they choose, the topics they discuss, and the depths of their perceptions. (yea I meant to say that :P)
Then I notice how they put themselves together, which includes body language; but those judgements are usually secondary (more a guide to how I will appear when standing next to this person lol)

Anyway... to get to the crux of the question... I often have to ask myself whether or not I am thinking of this person as a 'person'. I tend to think that people are the exact same as I am, but at a varying level of 'learning' or 'experience'. Sometimes more, sometimes less... but it takes some discussion to figure out which. I really think that there are only a finite number of trials/experiences that a person can go through to become who they are, and that the only differences between us all are those variations of trials/experiences. (I mean really, what do most people talk about other than what they've done/seen so far???---->gets boring :P)

I tend to think of people as the same entity as myself... but with different perception.






Oh yes.... *Flirts with Maayan*





LaoTzu added to this post, 4 minutes and 0 seconds later...

Re-reading the OP, I want to add that I have done all I can to try and remove all judgment from my mind when dealing with a new person. Over time, you can't help but have 'notions' about someone... but on first meeting, I allow them to flesh out for themselves who they think they are, or want to be. Again, it goes back to seeing everything in everyone.

[lambpox]

First of all, if they can't keep eye contact with me, I usually stop talking to them. Eye contact is crucial!

I focus on how they carry themselves, their amount of confidence, and intelligence. And might I add, the confidence factor is very important...what I detest the most is someone who is not confident in their own skin. The squirming, shy types, afraid of what to say next? Bug me to no end. I also focus on how they approach certain situations and their goals in life compared to mine; their method of thinking is also taken into account. I love knowing people who are complete opposites of myself. It's like a puzzle understanding the way they function. My ENFJ friend is a prime example.

[Zombicide]

Do you think of them as vessels with complex psyches?
Far from it.

Do you find yourself focused on how the gears in their mind turn? Or, is it difficult for you to imagine them as creatures with a psyche that functions like your own?
On the contrary, it is partially a combination of these two

Do you focus on their body language?
I pay attention to it.


With (unintentional) regards to females, I immediately determine how sexually attractive I find them as a potential mate. Regarding males, I automatically assess their combat potential {usefulness, threat etc}. Overall I naturally notice everyone's demeanor and threat, then I go on to more cognitively analyze everything about them.

[Tranquillity]

Yep, creativity and willpower are deffo attractive... but the two attributes seem to have a negative correlation.

People who are creative tend to need more freedom and so has less need to develop willpower. Whereas people who have a strong willpower and discipline are not so creative.

[Ender]

With (unintentional) regards to females, I immediately determine how sexually attractive I find them as a potential mate.
^^I know what you mean here. In fact, I usually find myself assessing a female not just as a potential mate in regards to sexual attractiveness, but I'll make certain judgments or observations on whether I could stand being with them for long, things like that.

In general what I notice first is the eyes, how they hold themself, just general body language. This all translates into judgments about how confident they are, what kind of person they are, etc. These are all vague judgments mind you, but they help me decide whether I want to attempt at getting to know said person better. Lately I've been trying to be less judgmental, because people tend to lose my respect very easily (I don't show it openly though) and I know that often times the things I'm judging them for are silly little things that shouldn't really make a difference.

Things that tend to turn me off, (my brain just went blank on whether that's the right way to put :/), are lack of confidence, obvious insecurities, or, of course, if someone is an obvious asshole. And the reason I'm turned off by things like lack of confidence and insecurity is because I tend to be very autonomous and so I expect people to be the same, at least to a reasonable extent. I don't want to babysit someone...unless they're actually a baby.

[HeyZeus]

First of all, if they can't keep eye contact with me, I usually stop talking to them. Eye contact is crucial!

Have you ever met people that try to make good eye contact, but while maintining it, their eyes dart on quickly back and forth on a very short axis? How do you respond to those unfortunate creeps?

[Necrosis]

I would think INTJs are extremely prone to thinking of other people as the sum of their actions mixed a little bit with possible thoughtful intuition about reasons for those actions.


I couldn't of said it better. I tend to watch everything about them and analyze them like a problem. Find out what they do good or bad, what they can do to help me or not then place them in my appropriate bins of stay away, jerk, nuisance, cool person, etc...

[pocohauntus]

I focus on listening to hear whether or not the person is going to say outloud what I'm thinking in my mind or tell me something about my life that I haven't yet told them. If they don't do this they are on my okay to talk to list.

[Reganon]

I look for something beyond basic intelligence and social skills. I look for that spark of creativity or extreme depth that will make future interactions with the person interesting once we've run out of simple introductory conversation.

[lambpox]

Have you ever met people that try to make good eye contact, but while maintining it, their eyes dart on quickly back and forth on a very short axis? How do you respond to those unfortunate creeps?

I give them my classic deadpan stare and they usually end up saying a hasty goodbye or "I need to go somewhere". Sometimes I even tell them (if they really annoy me) "Why aren't you keeping eye contact? Are you afraid of me?"

I'm evil.

[Zhen]

whether they are able to engage my mind in some way. and what lies beneath the surface ;)

[rewhu]

The first thing that I focus on is how funny the person is. The more someone makes me laugh the more I want to be friends with them. All of the close, meaningful or long-lasting relationships I have are with hilarious people.

The second thing that I focus on is how intentionally rude or aggressive the person is. If someone is trying to be offensive to others then I have absolutely no reason to subject myself to that person's presence.

There are other aspects but those are the two most important to me.

[Autoptic]

'Devices, usually annoying and malfunctioning, occasionally useful, rarely amusing. I don't normal conscious focus on anything that doesn't seem to have bearing on what I'm after.

[OneHertz]

For everyone - their socioeconomic status is the first thing I determine, then whether they are decisive or not (alpha versus beta), basic intelligence, physical looks, whether they are capable of doing work, introversion vs extroversion.

[BlackMita]

Short Answer:

Things I can get something out of.

Actual Answer:

I focus on what someone is doing. I pay attention to what is said only in the context of what we're doing. I generally like people in the sense that I often find someone interesting or cool when I perceive them behaving "authentically".

This won't make me approach or try to befriend them though... if they have completely anti-my-views and they're actions annoy/threaten me, they end up being bad company. I don't hold set traits for friends, but that's fine since I'd befriend someone for reasons different than any of my other friends. I notice superficial things first, but don't necessarily make my conscious choices based on that.

Long Answer (Getting Off-Topic):

When I want to figure someone out, I tend to focus on a person's motivation in the present situation. Making guesses as at "What they want." I don't imagine people to be vessels holding one ultimate baggage guiding their actions, but as organisms each with an exclusive "preference" for getting similar things.

To me "preferences" is basically your personality which is determined almost entirely by "nurture" ... the "nature" aspect is just a subset of "nurture" surrounding your parents. Even in MBTI terms, I don't believe in a system of switches or spectrums that make up the self.

Forcing myself to conjure an analogy, I liken an individual to a planet-sized sphere of stone that is pulling water towards itself in a vacuum. Its gravitational pull would distribute an even layer of pressure and ocean. But in RL you are influenced by nurture -- other spheres and space bodies exist (no longer a vacuum). The rock now ends up carving a unique surface into itself as it pulls in water - this embossed surface is the set preferences, whilst the tides of the water which we map out and distinguish from the whole is the personality.

[Janae]

Long Answer (Getting Off-Topic):

When I want to figure someone out, I tend to focus on a person's motivation in the present situation. Making guesses as at "What they want." I don't imagine people to be vessels holding one ultimate baggage guiding their actions, but as organisms each with an exclusive "preference" for getting similar things.

To me "preferences" is basically your personality which is determined almost entirely by "nurture" ... the "nature" aspect is just a subset of "nurture" surrounding your parents. Even in MBTI terms, I don't believe in a system of switches or spectrums that make up the self.

Forcing myself to conjure an analogy, I liken an individual to a planet-sized sphere of stone that is pulling water towards itself in a vacuum. Its gravitational pull would distribute an even layer of pressure and ocean. But in RL you are influenced by nurture -- other spheres and space bodies exist (no longer a vacuum). The rock now ends up carving a unique surface into itself as it pulls in water - this embossed surface is the set preferences, whilst the tides of the water which we map out and distinguish from the whole is the personality.

Ooh, very nice analogy!

For me, first impressions are vital. I often meet someone, form an impression, question it while getting to know them (usually doubting myself or giving them a chance just in case), and eventually come right back to my initial opinion about them, good or bad. Occasionally I'm wrong, in which case there is typically some fascinating backstory or complication that clouded my perception or disrupted their normal state of being.

One of the best aspects I look for is an uncommon sort of self-sufficient happiness: people who smile easily but not vapidly and don't use complaining as a form of small talk. People who don't rely on others for positive energy, but bring their own to the interaction. Also, people who detect and understand the hidden jokes and meanings in my everyday conversation are worthwhile in my book.

[Krazy P]

I watch their eyes. Very carefully. Not overt staring, but at first contact, I am observing the eyes and the lines around the eyes for clues. Next would be body movements and associated with speech patterns. I look for repetition of body movements, with the eyes and the content of the speech. Next would be speech patterns to detect education, regional dialect, things like that. Next would be clothing.

I try to empty my mind of pre-conceptions and just observe the patterns without making any conclusions.

Only after a sort of data gathering phase would I engage in verbal exchange, watching carefully for clues and reactions to my speech.

[Zilal]

Yes, another one of those threads.

Allow me to try to better characterize my titular question with some follow-up questions:

Do you think of them as vessels with complex psyches? Do you find yourself focused on how the gears in their mind turn? Or, is it difficult for you to imagine them as creatures with a psyche that functions like your own? Do you focus on their body language? The actual words that come out of their mouth? Their tone of voice? Do you view them through the lens of what you think they should be, or what you'd like them to be? (Take that last prompt however you'd like. :wiseguy:)

What do you notice first? What do you never notice? What's easier for you to notice? What's harder?

So on, and so forth.

Definitely notice and care way more about intelligence than anything else. I mostly get that from how people speak. If I'm around strangers I notice their clothes and hair, and I'll notice if people seem to be "like me"... similar style, similar amount of effort, etc. I'm usually not interested in people I don't seem to have much in common with.

I definitely notice if someone seems to be smarter than me. I'll watch them more carefully.

Hard for me to notice... hm... probably what strangers want. I'm so self-conscious, I'm always thinking about whether I'm saying appropriate things or even have an appropriate expression on my face for the situation. I'm not really cued in to what they might be doing or saying and what it means.

[rara avis]

I probably don't pay enough attention to people around me, overall. So I'm assuming this is a situation, like at the office, where who I'm surrounded by immediately matters.

I think one of the first things I begin assessing people for is how much they're going to get in my way, or thwart me. (Wow, way to be optimistic, huh?)

How much am I going to have to work around this person? I'll pay some attention to their appearance and what they say and don't say, how much they seem to mean any of it. How intelligent do they seem to be, how flexible, how territorial, how aggressive, how self-aggrandizing, how easily-led, how bothered by me, how receptive, how personally needy, do they seem to have a sense of humor...?


I'm also watching for indications of mutual entertainment and interest, in a way that makes me want to engage with someone beyond just what's necessary in order to be pleasant. But that's not something I start out looking for, I guess, because I don't really expect to find it, or to have it pan out. It usually works out that I'll be surprised by some indication of potential, and then start looking harder.