Situations where you feel you have to explain yourself

[smashy]

I think we all INTJ's here know how it is to have people that don't understand us, but do you find yourself trapped in certain situations where you have to explain yourself or you have problems?

Most of the time I don't give a damn to people that don't understand me (most of the time I think they're quite dumb really, for not seeing beyond the obvious) but for example, I had this situation with my fiance relatives where his uncle and aunt don't understand me at all and find me a bit weird. His uncle first of all thought I was shy but then he realized I have lots of confidence so now he just thinks I'm arrogant and strange. His aunt thinks I'm cold and a strange female since I don't cry and kiss a lot my (Feeling) mother when I came visit her (I live in another country) and I'm really not interested in most girlie things. I just feel I cannot be myself around them. The other day she gave me a gossip magazine for me to read and I was disgusted. I said to her why should I want to read about the lifes of people I don't even know? And I was seen as arrogant.

Well, I had to explain in another more soft way what I meant by that, because they just don't get me. I feel that if I didn't do that, I would never get along with them. Of course, usually I don't care, but they're my fiance relatives, so...

Do you experience these kind of situations, where you feel you have to explain yourself?

[JohnDoe]

You never owe anyone an explanation. However sometimes it may be prudent to create one they want to hear to avoid problems. Its easy to get out of most questions by saying you want to focus on your career.

[Necrosis]

Normally I don't care either what other people think of me. It's too much work to explain to then. Unfortunately I recently had to explain myself to my parents and it wasn't much fun. I find that the only people who really understand me are the ones who are my close friends in the first place. To avoid the situation you had, I think I personally would of pretended to be a little more of a feeler around the family just so I wouldn't have to explain myself.

[Anreader]

I would just be quiet. Try to be shy. Avoid eye contact. Shyness is understandable, but alot of people find it hard to accept aggression from women.

[probity]

I usually end up explaining myself to my close friends more than anyone else. I have a nice girl exterior that everyone can get along with but my closest friends get to see who I really am and a lot of times they try to shrug off my antics as me just being a complete nutter. I don't particularly like having an actual 'I love you but you're crazy' taint on my friendships. In jest it's fine if my friends think I'm crazy but when they start to really believe I am it's not as fun.

[wotsamattaU]

I have a Sister-in-Law who comes across as very cold and unfeeling - however the strongest impression she leaves is one of criticalness.

To any situation she tries to solve it, then expresses frustration and impatience if this isn't taken well or followed. To her it makes no sense.

I know she does have a caring side to her but she never displays it. What we hear is her picking apart everyone's lifestyle and problems.

I think to her when she problem solves that is her showing she cares. To the rest of the world it comes across as very cold and impersonal.

[Tranquillity]

People misunderstand me all the time and like most of you, don't usually bother explaining myself unless I was asked. As I put little value in reputation, I never felt I the need to initial an explanation to defend something with no value.

As I got older though I do see that it would help me out to care about it. I dunno if it is my pride or maybe I just don't want to validate reputation as something of worth by seeming to care about it, I can't seem to do it really even though I know I should.

[BlackMita]

Two ways I explain myself:
(1) Why I did something specific.
(2) Why I hold an attitude or belief.

I don't mind giving (1) explanations, because I'll answer it matter-of-fact, which will either turn them off from further inquiry, or even make sense to them.

I won't give (2) explanations willingly. I've expressed nearly all of these in some fit of anger or frustration, the instigator usually someone close, or someone so bloody nosy that I decided to give them the blunt truth out of spite. The only exception to this has been me willingly replying to the threads of INTJf, and only because of the fairly reliable anonymity.

[Gamgee]

I'm sick of stupid people. By explaining things I hope that someday I might just curb it and not get headaches or maybe some ancestor or even other INTJ's down the line will have less headaches if the world is a little more knowledgeable. Not to mention while we may be intelligent it is not an excuse to be the walking douche bag. The only time I don't put up with explaining myself is when I am incredibly tired or distracted and doing something more focus intensive.

[Ender]

I do feel like I have to explain myself in some cases. I think it's more a matter of resolving a real or imaged conflict in my own mind, (because the other person could interpret things in so many ways), rather than me actually feeling that I owe them an explanation.

[Acextreme]

I think we all INTJ's here know how it is to have people that don't understand us, but do you find yourself trapped in certain situations where you have to explain yourself or you have problems?

Most of the time I don't give a damn to people that don't understand me (most of the time I think they're quite dumb really, for not seeing beyond the obvious) but for example, I had this situation with my fiance relatives where his uncle and aunt don't understand me at all and find me a bit weird. His uncle first of all thought I was shy but then he realized I have lots of confidence so now he just thinks I'm arrogant and strange. His aunt thinks I'm cold and a strange female since I don't cry and kiss a lot my (Feeling) mother when I came visit her (I live in another country) and I'm really not interested in most girlie things. I just feel I cannot be myself around them. The other day she gave me a gossip magazine for me to read and I was disgusted. I said to her why should I want to read about the lifes of people I don't even know? And I was seen as arrogant.

Well, I had to explain in another more soft way what I meant by that, because they just don't get me. I feel that if I didn't do that, I would never get along with them. Of course, usually I don't care, but they're my fiance relatives, so...

Do you experience these kind of situations, where you feel you have to explain yourself?

Hey, you know what, I think the same way as you do with respect to thinking that they are dumb for not seeing the obvious. But recently, one of my better acquintances and I were talking and he mentioned that I see things in a whole new, innovative and different perspective than normal people. He quoted an incident during my exonomics class in University that when I answered the lecturer's questions and explained economics theories, I do so in a very unique and different but logical perspective and that's why everyone was baffled. But I wasn't wrong though the lecturer has to phrase it in a radically different and more simplified manner when he explained to the class what I just said.

So my point is, though what I think and say might appear so bloody normal and boring and straightforward to me, I was pleasantly surprised to be told that I am very innovative in my thinking, perspective, and approach! So it could be in your case here too; naturally, what comes natural to us we will not be able to tell whether it's innovative and radically unique from the normal view of people because we must have stayed inside our heads for so long. Lolz!

[Zombicide]

I either explain myself too much for clarification or I'm too terse in my explanations. Yes, some times I'm in a mood or circumstance where I feel I need to be more explanatory. Usually I don't have the energy to

[Acextreme]

Oh, I have forgotten to mention how I would react when I am in such a situation in my previous post. Well, normally, I will explain it once and hopefully there can get it. If they really can't but are sincere to want to understand what I said, then I will attempt to explain it again. However, depending on the importance of the topic, if they still can't apprehend what I say, then I may or may not explain again.

For those who outright disagree but can't present the necessary ammunition to support their view, I will slug it out until a point where I feel it is meaningless because of their ignorance or irrationality or lack of intelligence, to which I will promptly ignore them. If I am pissed, I might even use sarcasm to highlight their lack of intelligence or ignorance through some witty comments like "I see you aren't letting education get in the way of your ignorance" or something along those lines...haha... ;)

[ToC]

So I spent the weekend at my girlfriend's mom's house for thanksgiving. I really love dogs and they have this dog that loves turkey gravy.

SO... I go out to the kitchen at 4am in my boxers and take out some turkey and gravy. Spill some gravy on my boxers and the dog starts licking it off my dick.

Her mother walks into the kitchen.

This was an instance in which I felt compelled to explain myself.

[Earilmadith]

Sometimes when people ask my opinion on things they've done/written/created, and I tear it up with my typical INTJ self, it's helpful to explain that I hate giving general BS compliments when I can see the faults in something that they could correct and do a much better job on. It's like WotsamatterU's sister in law. We show our love and caring by trying to fix and problem solve, not by standing around offering meaningless niceties that society expects.

[simoncpu]

For the longest time, I didn't realize that I was suppose to give people explanations about my actions. I just do my thing.

I've realized that I should at least inform people of what I'll be doing because I found out that most people don't like surprises.