INTJ/INFJ responses

[Sere]

Hello

I've randomly come across a few INTJ personalities plus INFJ, but mainly INFJ friends. I've known someone very casually online for over a year now, because we moderated a forum. I think she's INTJ but I'm not sure, sometimes she comes across as an INFJ. I've noticed that whenever we chat, it's flow is good until she has to go, and suddenly says:

"I gotta go now, bye".

It's so straight-forward, basically to the point, is what I gathered at first impression. But I was thinking from different angles and wondered if she felt at all uncomfortable in the conversation in case I may have talked a lot or maybe we had to talk about 'her', since she was saying a lot of things about herself yet at times I would say "me too...I would.....blah blah"

Is it normal for INTJs/INFJs to do that? I also have a strong feeling that a 'take care, bye bye' for the INTJ is quite obvious in that it requires a mere 'bye', minus all of the small talk such as extending the 'byes' like a lot of people do.

Help me out here.

[SimplyOtter]

I can tell you, as an INF, that I do like that when emotions overwhelm me.
I'm suddenly speechless and my mind goes blank, my T completely overwhelmed by my F.

I know it's hard, but don't take it personally. Try to ask her if you said something wrong, I'm sure she will try to explain better, even if it's difficult to put it in words; it took me very long to understand what was happening to me and why I was behaving like that, so maybe she will be a bit confused in her explanations...

Be patient. :)

[Urania]

I don't get the question :(

Is it normal just to say 'I have to go, bye' - well... yes. What else?
Or was it the omission of 'take care' that was the issue?
Or were you wondering about her potential discomfort?
Have you asked her?

[Sere]

Thanks SimplyOtter. She's a good friend of mine (I'm female btw), and since we've engaged in very meaningful conversations, I find it weird that at the end of it all it's 'I have to go, bye'. I don't find it wrong nor do I mind, but I prefer to at least understand whether it's a normal thing for INTJ or INFJ personalities to end a conversation like that. Cheers.

Urania: the first and third question.

I haven't asked her and I might do that only after I've acquired P.O.Vs from you guys :)

[Von Hase]

I can tell you, as an INF, that I do like that when emotions overwhelm me.
I'm suddenly speechless and my mind goes blank, my T completely overwhelmed by my F.

I know it's hard, but don't take it personally. Try to ask her if you said something wrong, I'm sure she will try to explain better, even if it's difficult to put it in words; it took me very long to understand what was happening to me and why I was behaving like that, so maybe she will be a bit confused in her explanations...

Be patient. :)

As an NF, my experiences have been the same. When my emotions become very strong, I have two options: allow them to take over and risk doing something irrational, or force myself to do nothing until my thinking can take over.

With respect to my INTJ friends, they seem to require some time to process all the information before they can take any action, including speaking. I call this 'the hourglass effect'. According to what they've told me, their T function sometimes has to catch up to their N function.

In both cases, as N types, we are taking in a LOT of information at the same time, and then force our reasoning functions to reconcile the paralax from what we understood into what now is either with respect to our philosophical reasoning (F) or our analytical reasoning (T). The hourglass looks a little different, but the effect is the same. F's are overwhelmed by reconciling emotion while T's are overwhelmed by reconciling data.

I agree. Being patient is your best option in these instances. Most importantly, because the personality types you've described are capable of profound insight if you give them time to do what they do naturally, and therefore can bring their best to your relationship.

[Urania]

Thanks SimplyOtter. She's a good friend of mine (I'm female btw), and since we've engaged in very meaningful conversations, I find it weird that at the end of it all it's 'I have to go, bye'. I don't find it wrong nor do I mind, but I prefer to at least understand whether it's a normal thing for INTJ or INFJ personalities to end a conversation like that. Cheers.

Urania: the first and third question.

I haven't asked her and I might do that only after I've acquired P.O.Vs from you guys :)

I see :)
If it helps any, I think it's normal.
I do the same thing... Anything more than that just makes me uncomfortable :(
Sentences such as 'take care'... Well... They are superfluous, though I understand this is not the case for everyone.
I certainly do not mean to be rude when I do that, just no other means of exit...

[Vagrant]

Usually, I give people about 5 minutes warning if I have to go soon. However, the reason I do that is because people used to up and leave without giving me prior notice, and I found it frustrating.

If I don't give warning, it's literally gonna be "Gotta go, bye."

So I don't think it's surprising -- maybe she genuinely has to go when she does that. Or maybe she just needs processing time. Next time, though, ask her for a few mins warning before she has to leave. :p

[Sesquipedalian]

You're reading into something that could very well be nothing. I used to torment myself about stuff like that. For all you know she recieved an important phone call, or a timer went off for something she was cooking, or she realized she forgot to do something deadline-based, or she was talking to you for as long as possible before she had to leave for an event or appointment?

We can speculate all day long but if you're friends with the girl then it's not really all that hard to ask her if you offended her or if she just had to leave quickly.

[Synamon]

Until someone mentioned to me how abrupt I am when I say goodbye like that I had never noticed. I say goodbye and I sign off. Anything more is small talk and pointless since I've already been talking to someone for hours. INTJs suck at small talk, it's not a reflection on you.

[Storm]

We're talking about an online conversation correct?
What else do people say besides "Gotta go, bye"?
Especially online, where things are a bit more casual.
Although, even in real life, I didn't realize more than "Well, nice talking to you, but I've got to go. See you later," was needed.
I wouldn't worry about it. She just has to leave.

[Anreader]

Sometimes, I get anxious because I don't know how to bow out and simply say something. I dont even know what I say. I say a little something and get the hell out. Simply because I don't know what to say. How familiar are the two of you?

I wouldn't worry about it unless you are ignoring some kind of body language cue.

[karenk]

Saying, "I have to go. bye" is exactly what I do. Often people respond like it's so abrupt. Once I want to go if I stay because I feel there is a process to leaving I feel like I'm stuck -or maybe I'll get stuck in a longer conversation. As an introvert when I say I'm going it probably means I've had enough interaction and my energy is starting to drain.

[Von Hase]

I hate to admit it, but I am probably one of the worst people there are about not saying anything when I leave. Usually when the visit is over, I just poof.

So, she might be too overwhelmed to think about what to say, or she could be processing, or she could just have done a classic introverted 'lost in her head and forgot to be polite' moment.

If she keeps coming back, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

[Sinequanon]

I'm always very mindful of the last impression I leave someone with. As such, I tend to make goodbyes meaningful. As for poofing away on AIM or whatever, it's not a huge issue for me as I never log off. If I do log off (or my phone is dying), I tend to let people I'm in conversation with know well in advance. It annoys me when other people don't follow through in the same way, to be honest.

[JohnDoe]

Sometimes "bye I gotta go" is just "bye I gotta go".