INTJ/INFP?

[AntiqueDoll]

well....Im an INTJ woman and...for some reason I have something...suddenly deep, (maybe sexual...) with a INFP man....I don´t know what to do, and sometimes I be very hard and distant with my "boyfriend", but I love him...this has future?

[Antares]

Any type can get along, theoretically. It all depends on the individual; some can get along very well with INFPs, some avoid them like a plague. My bad experiences with an INFP man shouldn't prevent you from thinking twice about your relationship with him. Do try to take care of his feelings, though; my problems with INFPs usually stem from not being sensitive enough.

[Monte314]

I am an INTJ, and my wife of 32 years is an INFP. We are very compatible.

[Sesquipedalian]

INFs and INTs can be a SWEET combo.

I've been talking with an INFJ for a while now and man we just get each other! ...and when she doesn't get me? ...she asks! How nice, for once, to have someone not just assume that I mean whatever first pops into her head.

It's fascinating because often when we talk her questioning - her desire to know - it is not unlike a lot of conversations I've had with INTJs. She wants to understand me, and not just a little but fully. Ever heard of the literary term "compression"? You know, saying a little but meaning a lot? She wants to know the "lot". For example, if I were to say, "I loved our conversation the other night." She wouldn't say, "Yeah, me too," she'd say, "Explain." I'd say "I liked it because of this detail of your life you shared with me. It was really fascinating!" Then she might ask me what about it fascinated me.

She really wants to understand me, and likewise, she doesn't get exasperated when I do the same to her. Neither of us ever feel like we're being probed for information. It's a really fun process.

But heck, if you're not engaged or married, then why not see where it could go? If you love your boyfriend, stick with him. If you don't really see yourself having a future with him, then staying with him is mostly pointless anyway.

[Sinequanon]

INFs and INTs can be a SWEET combo.

I've been talking with an INFJ for a while now and man we just get each other! ...and when she doesn't get me? ...she asks! How nice, for once, to have someone not just assume that I mean whatever first pops into her head.

It's fascinating because often when we talk her questioning - her desire to know - it is not unlike a lot of conversations I've had with INTJs. She wants to understand me, and not just a little but fully. Ever heard of the literary term "compression"? You know, saying a little but meaning a lot? She wants to know the "lot". For example, if I were to say, "I loved our conversation the other night." She wouldn't say, "Yeah, me too," she'd say, "Explain." I'd say "I liked it because of this detail of your life you shared with me. It was really fascinating!" Then she might ask me what about it fascinated me.
This is a good point, but I've found the difference between INFJs and INFPs in this regard is, with the same desire to actually get to know you, the ability or eagerness or need to actually quantify those feelings is not there, and a bit foreign. It can cause them to retreat a bit, too. Because I'd totally love to get into examining why she and I click so well, but she's much more content to let it be and love it.

Which is to say be careful about "making" him quantify who he is. They don't generally think that way.

[Sesquipedalian]

This is a good point, but I've found the difference between INFJs and INFPs in this regard is, with the same desire to actually get to know you, the ability or eagerness or need to actually quantify those feelings is not there, and a bit foreign. It can cause them to retreat a bit, too. Because I'd totally love to get into examining why she and I click so well, but she's much more content to let it be and love it.

Which is to say be careful about "making" him quantify who he is. They don't generally think that way.

Is a "Yay for J" in order? xD

[Sinequanon]

Is a "Yay for J" in order? xD
:laugh:

In a way! But, I've also had the experience of examining a relationship so hard that we exhausted it and destroyed it. So, I appreciate her being protective of whatever it is and not letting me in with my instruments and tape measures and team of experts to tell us exactly what it is. My relationship with her definitely has some Heisenburg-level properties. ;)

[Sesquipedalian]

:laugh:

In a way! But, I've also had the experience of examining a relationship so hard that we exhausted it and destroyed it. So, I appreciate her being protective of whatever it is and not letting me in with my instruments and tape measures and team of experts to tell us exactly what it is. My relationship with her definitely has some Heisenburg-level properties. ;)

Ah yes, I've read that INFJs are constantly in pursuit of the perfect relationship and are seeking to perfect the relationship they're in. Perhaps that is what I see in her. We do the same thing for slightly different reasons.

[Sinequanon]

Ah yes, I've read that INFJs are constantly in pursuit of the perfect relationship and are seeking to perfect the relationship they're in. Perhaps that is what I see in her. We do the same thing for slightly different reasons.
Yeah... Maybe.

I don't know your dynamic with your INFJ, I'm just saying, I have learned that, in some respects, putting the relationship under the microscope all the time can definitely ruin some of the magic of interacting with That Special Person. And even if you'd be otherwise inclined to delve in, maybe try pulling back just a bit to add a little mystery to your interactions. Make her chase you. Don't become predictable. That kinda thing. That's what I learn from my INFP (who is, not astereotypically, rarely exactly the same from one minute to the next, y'know?).

If you like that kind of person, then INFPs may be for you. :)

[curiousjane]

In my experience, it is rare that there is an INTJ that I don't get along with very well. Typically, those exceptions have vast differences from me in terms of morality or purpose, so it has less to do with how they process that information than what they think about it.

Romantically, the best part about an INTJ/INFP romance is the depth of experience. Unfortunately for you, unless your INFP is quite eloquent about his innermost thoughts, you may not quite understand everything he is about, but you will most certainly sense the affinity between the two of you, just beneath the surface of eyes and skin.

The worst part only comes out if there are so many differences between you (background, expectations, lifestyle, religion, etc.) that you cannot see eye-to-eye on anything. In these cases, I've noticed the tendency of the INFP to struggle to understand, only to retreat into self when challenged. And, on the INTJs part, a pig-headed determination that he/she must be right at all times. You can crush a weaker INFP like that.

Can it work? Of course it can! INT and INF get along famously, so long as they have enough in common that the INT can wax eloquent about his/her favorite topic and the INF can listen and appreciate (and vice versa).

There's nothing quite like enjoying talking with your SO about life and topics of interest, having the freedom to pursue knowledge without hesitation ... there is no bewilderment about "why do you think that is so interesting?!?" ... and also enjoying his/her company (even being "just quiet" together) ... AND also enjoying physical affection. It's the best of all worlds, in my opinion.

And when the INTJ is determined to get to know the INFP and learn more about his/her quirks (and admires them, even) ... that is the stuff that makes our hearts beat faster. We're so used to being the oddball. Being loved FOR being the oddball ... is pure bliss. At their best, INTJs are the perfect partners. They want to learn and put into practice what they learn about their S.O.'s. It's amazing.

And we INFPs, for our part, do something similar, although we do tend to lead with our "feelers" and feel out how our beloved INTJ is feeling that day, or what is meaningful to him/her, and we focus on that and do our best to make them experience the depth of our caring and devotion. You just have to be aware that we are ultimately romantics at heart, and while we, like you, may not always show our inner feelings to you, they are most definitely there. We just take time. Time to get to know. Time to love. Time to share.

But once we have let you in ... be ready ... if you reciprocate and encourage us ... we are insatiable in our quest for building up the relationship and making you happy (and we don't mind telling you what will make US happy, too!)

It's pretty amazing.
But then, I'm totally biased.

[wotsamattaU]

well....Im an INTJ woman and...for some reason I have something...suddenly deep, (maybe sexual...) with a INFP man....I don´t know what to do, and sometimes I be very hard and distant with my "boyfriend", but I love him...this has future?

The INFP/INTJ pairing can be very successful. I know of several in which the female is the INTJ and the male is the INFP, one being a marriage of over 20 years.

If you have not told your INFP how you feel about him, make certain you do let him know. If he is not familiar with MBTI, I would also suggest filling him in on your communication differences. It is important for both of you to understand.

You will likely meet on your intuition and Fi, and your sense of humor. Other common factors are that both types are introverted, strive for a lifetime of self growth, value your autonomy, look to the future and are Idealists. Your differences can be strengths as you each have what the other lacks.

There are some other discussion Threads on here regarding this pairing - you may wish to do a Search on it. Plenty of good information to be found in all of them.

The level of emotional intimacy and bonding achieved between these two types can be unlike anything you have previously experienced. It may well touch your very soul.

[Monte314]

One thing that works well for me and my INFP wife: she enjoys talking about her thoughts and feelings, but in a thoughtful way (not maudlin)... and I enjoy listening to her.

She doesn't mind carrying the conversation... oh, I say something every now and then, so it isn't a monologue... but she does a lot more talking than I. This is enjoyable for both of us.

I don't know how two INTJ's would "talk", or how two ESFP's would ever feel like they'd "had their say". But the INTJ/INFP pair is well-matched in this important area.

[wotsamattaU]

I just wanted to add that according to the poll here (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) there are 21 INTJ's on this forum with an INFP as their significant other.