Socialising Online vs Real Life

[justmeiguess]

The other day my Grandad was telling me how he had signed up for the MMORPG social network, Second Life, out of curiosity. Almost as soon as he had entered the world, this woman jumped on him and started trying to have her wicked cyber way with him. My Grandad, sensitive introvert that he is, was at first shocked by this but then amused. Unfortunately my Nana chose this particular moment to walk into the room. She was not amused and has now banned him from it. :laugh:

It then got me thinking about how differently people behave online compared to real life and in turn on to this forum and how strangely active it is for a forum full of INTJs. So, what I was wondering was, do you see socialising on the Internet as different from real life? Are you a different person online?

[Maverick]

Are you a different person online?

I'm much more extraverted offline. However, the overall dynamics I have with people are extremely similar.

[drek996]

I think we socialize here better, because there are viewpoints here that seem to make way sense than most of the usual points of view I come across in real life. I enjoy the posts and love the humor that I seem miss out on with the majority of people in real life because there is always some disenchantment involved with real people who don't matter to me, and it isn't like I care for the people here (I just understand their train of thought) and that makes it easier to share viewpoints and understand myself better.

[BloozeGit]

The other day my Grandad was telling me how he had signed up for the MMORPG social network, Second Life, out of curiosity. Almost as soon as he had entered the world, this woman jumped on him and started trying to have her wicked cyber way with him. My Grandad, sensitive introvert that he is, was at first shocked by this but then amused. Unfortunately my Nana chose this particular moment to walk into the room. She was not amused and has now banned him from it. :laugh:

Kudos to your Grandad! Could have made a fantastic social experiment there. I'm sure he'll find a way to get around the ban somehow :laugh:

[INTJoe]

The introverts are almost all going to be more outgoing online than IRL.

We can reflect before we post, and we can compose the ideal representation of our thoughts, and if not, we can modify for the record.

Also, people have to read everything we have "to say", and we don't have to worry about the jag-off "E's" interrupting us all the time.

[Firelie]

I used to be more outgoing online and less outgoing in person, but somewhere along the way I decided that I liked my online self better, so I sorta melded the two together into one glorious me...I'm pretty much the same online and off. I'm kinda proud of that, actually. ^_^

[Henry]

The other day my Grandad was telling me how he had signed up for the MMORPG social network, Second Life, out of curiosity. Almost as soon as he had entered the world, this woman jumped on him and started trying to have her wicked cyber way with him. My Grandad, sensitive introvert that he is, was at first shocked by this but then amused. Unfortunately my Nana chose this particular moment to walk into the room. She was not amused and has now banned him from it. :laugh:

It then got me thinking about how differently people behave online compared to real life and in turn on to this forum and how strangely active it is for a forum full of INTJs. So, what I was wondering was, do you see socialising on the Internet as different from real life? Are you a different person online?

I'm a much bigger prick online than in real life. I *have* to be nice and social and proper IRL or I get fired. And then I'm homeless. Not so in the interwebs.

Otherwise, no real differences.

[OneBadMother]

I'm able to express myself at least ten times better online, though I've gotten much better at verbal communication over the years. I used to have a speech impediment, but now that I've gotten over that I can communicate at an acceptable level, though I'm still most fluent in text.

[SeekingHim80]

I like what you said, INTJoe. We also have a chance to analyze what others are saying; this comes in especially handy in online dating situations. When you are face-to-face with someone, you don't have the option to take the time to really think about what the other person is saying and why. On the net, you can take the time to decide how you want to interpret others’ intentions.

[logan235711]

do you see socialising on the Internet as different from real life? Are you a different person online?
As some have said, you do have time to think out your responses more.

Beyond that, perhaps there is also less social/disciplinary regulation that effects one's non-internet life, so people are more free to try things out that they normally couldn't do otherwise. It might be a bit controversial to say whether giving people this opportunity is good or not; but for myself, I enjoy being able to experiment as such. I think most people still get on the internet for quick information--addresses, news, local entertainment, product reviews, etc., so there is also this sense of succinctness when doing things on the internet which seems to translate into the social interactions that occur on the web as well. So perhaps it is to be expected?

[rwyatt365]

I wouldn't say that I am more outgoing online than off. But I will say that being online gives me the opportunity to frame my responses in a more thoughtful way. Therefore, when online I have the chance to really communicate, rather than just listen to someone else blather on and on about inanities.

[mind_wander]

I used to be more outgoing online and less outgoing in person, but somewhere along the way I decided that I liked my online self better, so I sorta melded the two together into one glorious me...I'm pretty much the same online and off. I'm kinda proud of that, actually. ^_^

same here, I am cool with all the different kinds of personalities. Just the insane, E-stalkers trying to fine me. I know can be influencial, but seriously someone needs a chill pill. *chill pill has out to e-stalkers. But, i am the same, online and offline with some less significant alterations.

Been chatting to ISTJ personality, I always got to remember, please slow down on my talking; can easily process all this stuff. There is no N in S personalities. Alot of comparisions and trade-offs. Glad to hear, nothing I say is boring, makes me feel alittle better. Yeah, conversations does not goes stale, but continuing. Someone thinks about the negatives of the process and I turned it into possiblities; like a checks and balances sheet. Take a look at my possiblities list? [Hands out to ISTJ], Takes possiblities list and might teared it to pieces. [happy, no feelings was hurt, as long there is logic.]

[Hdier]

I act differently on message boards, because I act like myself. Even to the people I know my whole life, I don't act totally like myself, but on the boards it doesn't feel like I'm talking to real people, therefore it's just like talking to myself, only with infinately more personalities.

[mind_wander]

I act differently on message boards, because I act like myself. Even to the people I know my whole life, I don't act totally like myself, but on the boards it doesn't feel like I'm talking to real people, therefore it's just like talking to myself, only with infinately more personalities.

Thanx, for pointing that out for us, "But on the boards it doesn't feel like I'm talking to real people, therefore it's just like talking to myself, only with infinately more personalities"(Hdier). So who are we then, if we are not real people? Drones...lol

[Hdier]

My point was that since I'm not talking to you face-to-face, in fact not talking at all simply typing, I am less likely to be nervous about anything, and it's harder to embarrass me (and even if you do, it's a lot easier to hide). For example, these boards are the only place that I am openly gay, and the only place that I actually say what I want to, partially because I can think about it first, but partially because my stage fright doesn't come into play.

I wasn't saying you were drones (Borg or otherwise) LMAOROFLOL. :laugh:

[mind_wander]

My point was that since I'm not talking to you face-to-face, in fact not talking at all simply typing, I am less likely to be nervous about anything, and it's harder to embarrass me (and even if you do, it's a lot easier to hide). For example, these boards are the only place that I am openly gay, and the only place that I actually say what I want to, partially because I can think about it first, but partially because my stage fright doesn't come into play.

I wasn't saying you were drones (Borg or otherwise) LMAOROFLOL. :laugh:

I throw in the Lol, for a reason was being sarcastic; but great for you to clarify it, for those who don't get you. But, I already know what you mean.

[Paul V]

I find it easier to socialise online because people can focus on my personality instead of the way I look. And it's easier for me to communicate with others because I can either tell others truths about myself without fearing repercussions, or lie my ass off for the same reasons.

However, chatting on MSN with people I've met on a forum is as far as I've taken the whole socialising thing. I don't initiate conversations (that's something I don't even do in Real Life), but I don't mind having them.

[banzai]

People are often shocked at how much more personable and funny I can be online as compared to in person.

[rwyatt365]

People are often shocked at how much more personable and funny I can be online as compared to in person.
Agreed! Perhaps it's the "time factor" (the opportunity to formulate and present a suitable response) that opens the door to our "inner comedian"! ;D

[Solnath]

This might seem a bit narcissistic, but I prefer talking anonymously online to get directly to people so that I don't distract people from my points with my manipulative body language and my dashing looks.

[Hdier]

Don't worry, you don't seem a bit narcissistic. You seem very narcissistic, LOL.

[rasoirviolon]

I prefer talking anonymously too. of course, this puts limits on conversation since the willingness to be open is not equal on both sides.

[rocksteady]

Agreed! Perhaps it's the "time factor" (the opportunity to formulate and present a suitable response) that opens the door to our "inner comedian"! ;D

i always think of great things to say, 30 seconds too late. god bless the internet.

[Solnath]

Don't worry, you don't seem a bit narcissistic. You seem very narcissistic, LOL.

Semantics, semantics.

[Wildflower]

I am very, very introverted offline and pretty much a recluse but online I think I am very extroverted.

I never understand why people think "online sex" would not count. I am on your Nana's side, :laugh:

[Hdier]

I love messing around with semantics. Get used to it.

[Solnath]

Hey, don't worry, I'm not anti-semantic like Hitler. That just reminded me of me when I was a kid.

[Hdier]

Out of curiosity, are you really an xNxx, or are you just trying to bug people?

[Solnath]

It's pretty safe to say I'm an INxx, but the test values for all but the N were too close to call in either way. You could say that I'm extroverted from time to time. Generally when my blood is 0.5% alcohol or so.

And yes, I like bugging people. Keeps you on your toes. Plus you're adorable when you get annoyed.

Hey, just because I think condescendingly doesn't mean I can't be honest about it. Also, kittens. (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)

[quentin]

Another difference is that in real life conversations, when there are more than two people involved, there are several people all competing to get a word in edgewise. You have to pay attention to the gaps of momentary silence to get your words in and make a tactical strike. Usually I'm pretty good at that, but all I get in are snappy one-liners most of the time. Online, it's just you. There is no push and pull, give and take between speakers. No one else is around and you can just say what you want at any length you please without having to worry about boring other people by being too over-dominate in the conversation. In real life, no one enjoys listening to rambling monologues, but online, lengthy rants and musings are acceptable.

[banzai]

Also, kittens. (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

"Yeah, that's his asshole, what're you gonna do about it?



...oh, yeah, I took a shit on your lawn right about where you're standing."

[ShaiGar]

In The Desert of The Real you are stuck in whichever area you are because of circumstances, be it your job, your place of education, your families or your commitments. Online is a different matter, you are all the way around the world at the speed of net connection. You can talk with only the people who interest you, or whoever you like that is willing to talk to you. You can be yourself without worrying about how others might view you, because if you do not like their opinions you can ignore them completely. Hell there are Blocking options. How much better would life be with a blocking option, and the wonderful excuse "sorry i did not reply because i had to go to the toilet [insert witty response, or thought out reply]. Offline is for Extraverted Sensaids because they do not need to think things through. For everyone else there's interwebs.

Online I am much more playful, much more talkative about retarded things.
Offline I am more quiet and considerate, and I'm much more worried about how people think.

[chocky]

I act differently on message boards, because I act like myself. Even to the people I know my whole life, I don't act totally like myself, but on the boards it doesn't feel like I'm talking to real people, therefore it's just like talking to myself, only with infinately more personalities.

Well said. Online I can be just a mind, and that pleases me.

I write better than I talk. Anything that enables communication in silence is my perfect mode of social interaction.

[thegnat]

IRL I sit back and let others do the talking. I probably literally talk with people IRL for about 2-5 minutes total per day. I'm trying to think when I *do* talk IRL. I only talk when a) The subject's interesting and b) I feel like I have something to contribute and c) I like the people I'm around (then again if I don't like the people I'm around, I've failed at avoiding them, which, I'm pretty good at avoiding). It's rare that I actually have a long conversation with someone. I'm not shy per se, but I choose when I like to speak. And I'm quite picky. If someone hits me on a good day (or bad day however you see it) I might talk longer than five minutes and if that's the first day they know me they're often surprised how quiet I am.

Online I censor myself less, use my sarcasm more liberally, joke around more.

edit: 2-5 is probably even a guess that can be high on some days. So maybe 30 seconds to 5 minutes?

[Hdier]

I type better than I talk to. When I type, people understand what I'm saying.
Also, I can think about what I say, formulating an answer for even days(!), if necessary.
Also, when I think about my responses it's easier to manipulate people...though maybe I shouldn't of told you that. :laugh:

[Raven Queen]

I am extremely different online. I talk much more, especially with strangers and people I don't know well. IRL I hardly talk at all with people I don't know well, or I would have to try very hard to think of things to say.

I even had someone scold me for this a while back, because I refused to speak to him offline but then greeted him enthusiastically as soon as he came online. :/

However, I'm still pretty reserved both online and off, and try not to reveal too much of myself.

[Bossy Mom]

My daughter had an interesting experience with on-line chatter vs. real dating. She instant-messaged with a guy for a year and a half, and last week they went on a date. They used to banter back-and-forth with sarcasm, but now my daughter said when they talk on-line, he's too nice. She said she misses the wild conversations they had on-line. The internet is impersonal and it is easier to be more aggressive than we would be in person.

[logan235711]

My daughter had an interesting experience with on-line chatter vs. real dating. She instant-messaged with a guy for a year and a half, and last week they went on a date. They used to banter back-and-forth with sarcasm, but now my daughter said when they talk on-line, he's too nice. She said she misses the wild conversations they had on-line. The internet is impersonal and it is easier to be more aggressive than we would be in person.
Thank-you for the insight : ) I think I might be a bit opposite however, taking a less confrontational approach than I might with those closer to me. I suppose it might be about investment, should I invest in all sorts of things with people I might never grow close with? It's a bit tricky, deciding and watching things evolve into something more than originally intended--how should one decide how much to put into it before realizing or knowing how much to get out or what to get out?

[quentin]

The people I have met in real life, after knowing them online, have commented that I come across as very different. They say that online I come across as very strong, opinionated, and self-confident, but in real life my personality seems to shrink. Often with people I don't know very well I can be excessively polite and a bit quiet, and some people mistake civility for weakness. I'm a lot more forceful online. I also suffer from a curious lack of self-confidence when it comes to social interactions, which causes people to think that I lack self-confidence in general (I don't, on the whole).