Do you have an idea of what you want in life?

[lorian]

Do you want to stay single forever? Do you want to live with someone else? Do you want to have children?

I suppose these are the BIG questions, and I not only don't have the answer but I have no idea.

I'm 31, I've been single for a long time and now I live on my own, but I don't know if my life is going to be like this forever...my problem is that I don't know what I want.

What about you?

[maxpot46]

Happy family.
Physical, mental and spiritual perfection.
Enlightenment.
Free the country.
Help mankind transcend.

[tp6626]

I don't know yet either, but I'm working on finding out what would make me happy. INTJ forum has helped a lot with that already actually.

I'm only 25 in March though, so a little younger than yourself though.

I do know of plenty of people though who have just generally been passively dragged through life by their circumstances, rather than consciously deciding what they actually want from life and actively pursuing that.

I couldn't do that. So I might appear to be making a later start than most, but its just because I taking my time in the planning / initiation phase.

A bit of analogous trivia from Design Engineering: The majority of 'expenses' are committed in the design phase, and expended in the realisation phase, yet traditionally least investment is made in the design phase. - This is a pet hate of mine, as I like to take my time planning everything I do, in work, and especially with important decision in my life.

I'm thinking about buying a house in a town away from 'home' right now, and really don't know if it's the right or wrong thing to do! :(

[rara avis]

I'm 32. I really, really want my own home turf. I like to imagine a house, not too far from a variety of amenities, but without very close neighbors. Walled in with trees and green things. Room for projects. I want to build my own little world in reality, something that reflects what's always gone on only inside my head.

I want the freedom to make my surroundings suit me and the things I like and need to do, and generally not to have to leave unless I feel like it for some reason- an occasional errand or outing, occasional long distance trip.

I do want a partner... who suits my internal landscape without a lot of unpleasant interference or discord. (That doesn't exactly sum up what I'm looking for in a man, but it suits the context I started above...) With the partner, I suspect I'd truly want to have kids. They seem terrifyingly disruptive and consuming, though; I wish I had more time to myself, already... we'll see. If I find I can't sacrifice, then maybe I'll just borrow my sister's.

[amberlinen]

I don't want children or marriage, but a partner is ok. I'll get a mundane job and use my spare time to study and do the things I'm really interested in.

I need to live in a big city but I don't want to own a house because that's too much burden. When I finish school and begin real work I think I'll rent a place with a big empty room for mind wandering and getting inspiration and doing my projects (all the junks can go to another small room)

[MaleVolentworld]

Do you want to stay single forever? Do you want to live with someone else? Do you want to have children?

I suppose these are the BIG questions, and I not only don't have the answer but I have no idea.

I'm 31, I've been single for a long time and now I live on my own, but I don't know if my life is going to be like this forever...my problem is that I don't know what I want.

What about you?

No, I want to be in a relationship, live with her in our own house in Florida with our kids. I'll be the stay at home dad and take care of the kids, you continue to be an economist and life will be bliss. Are you really Spanish too? what are you waiting for??? :)

[jerr]

I'm 20 (almost 21) and I'm still not sure what I want to do in life.

Actually, I know exactly what I'd like to do ideally, but it's far from possible.

The reason it's so irrealist is the following: Up to now, the relevant to my future job stuff I've learned was completely self-taught. I'm not at peace at all with the education system, it hasn't brought me enough yet to feel like I can rely on it for my future. The way I see it, I have to go through 3 years of university to get a diploma in something. All the "nice/good" jobs require a Bs. in [almost anything here].

Now ideally: As I'm feeling pretty confident that I can make a good employee in almost any company. I'm even more confident I can make a great employee if I'm employed at a higher level in a company. I have many resources and skills in R & D, my ability to learn fast and by my own efforts usually means I can understand and absorb almost any skill in much less time than any "normal" employee.

It's just plain hard to convince myself it's the best course of action... to go through a highly inefficient way of learning for a very long time and for a great cost, just to have my resume read.

I'm confused, I'm not sure it's worth it.

[alphawolf]

Do you want to stay single forever? Do you want to live with someone else? Do you want to have children?


I don't enjoy sleeping alone. I am dating 2 or 3 women per week to try to find one that I really like.

I'm not sure if I want to make more babies or not; I've got a few kids already. If I meet a great woman who already has 1 or 2 children, then that would be OK with me.

[Maayan]

I do know of plenty of people though who have just generally been passively dragged through life by their circumstances, rather than consciously deciding what they actually want from life and actively pursuing that.

One of my biggest fears is that this will happen to me. I don't have any well-established goals. I strongly believe that I'd be a much happier person if I were working towards getting what I want. However, I'm very, very bad at pinning down what it is that I want. I hate that about myself. I'm terrified that I'm going to through life like this.

My preferences are abstract at best: I'd like to have a better understanding of my strengths and limitations, and of what brings me joy and frustration. It's important for me to have financial and physical freedom (P!). I like nice things very much, but I also like the idea of not being limited by them or bound to them. I've never been in a long-term relationship, and although I like the idea, I find it difficult to date with that intention in mind (I have trouble maintaining momentum "just for the sake of staying in a relationship").

[Tyrant Soup]

I have been too independent minded to sustain a traditional type relationships in the past. I would like to explore other forms.

[Sliderule]

I'd like to have the means, the time, and the skill to create a variety of vehicles, musical instruments, and other miscellaneous devices. In other words I need a large building with a complete machine shop, garage, hangar, wood shop, and music studio/listening room. Preferably located in the middle of no where, but within relatively short driving distance of a dry lake bed and/or a road course.

A boy can dream.

[Nomadofthehills]

A frontosa colony:

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[Lycurgus]

I'm 18 and I know exactly what I want to do with my life.

I want peace. Simple as that.

If I find someone who I happen to 'fall for,' so to speak, then I'm sure I'll want love. However, going out in search for it seems a bit... preposterous. I wouldn't know where to begin, or what to look for.

As for a career? How about multimillion dollar contracts for furniture testing? Barring that, anything'll do, really. It depends on the job.

I'd be just as happy sitting on my butt doing menial tasks all day, if I got a bit of extra free time to browse the internet or watch TV online as I would be doing something I really and truly enjoy. Perhaps it's just because I'm flexible that way.

[Rohsiph]

I want to refrain from compromising myself for the sake of a 'paycheck.'

I want to make at least one of multiple long-range dreams come true--at this point, I'd like most to end up running an art studio on my own terms.

I'd like a partner to offer some anchoring, and to challenge me, and for me to challenge and anchor, although 23 years of solitude hasn't killed me yet.

I'd like to eventually win enough respect as a modern 'creative'--from authoring books, designing more collaborative projects, or working within the academic system--such that I eventually unlock access to a 'circle' of super-intelligent peers around the world.

[jerr]

Lycurgus, isn't that somewhat of a lack of ambition? I've been in a pass like that, where I'd feel like I could just be happy with an effortless good paying job and do the stuff I really enjoy on my free time.

I guess for some people, having a good life means having free time and not working too hard rather than working a lot on things that make you passionnate!

[BostonIan]

Wife, house, acres of land, a heap of babies, some sort of livestock.

I'd like to build the house with my own hands. Homeschool the kids, the wife stays at home. Grow food on the land, but also having time to follow my own pursuits. Good stuff.

[floramacivor]

I already have a husband who tries to understand me, house, small bit of land, heap of kids who are homeschooled, and a fulfilling volunteer occupation I can do from home in my leisure time.

Beyond that, I guess I'd settle for feeling like a vital, useful member of this board. :)

I haven't always known what I wanted, but I think I've been able to recognize when I've stumbled on something I want to keep, and I'm pretty happy with the life that's turned into.

And--I'd like to learn to play the piano.

[probity]

I want a husband, kids though I have no idea how many, and a nice big house. I know I'll want to home school. I'll possibly want a good deal of land. I'm not much of an outdoorsy person but I'm definitely going to need a large house and possibly several living structures to accomplish what I'm called to do with my life. That will most likely require more land than I'd want otherwise.

I would like to write a book someday or maybe several.

[phantasma]

Well, I'm nearly 18, so much of this is still subject to change.

Find a fun, fulfilling creative job
be happy
find a husband - both a lover and a lifelong best friend
learn to live
gain all the knowledge I can and distribute it to others
have some kids

[Lycurgus]

Lycurgus, isn't that somewhat of a lack of ambition? I've been in a pass like that, where I'd feel like I could just be happy with an effortless good paying job and do the stuff I really enjoy on my free time.

I guess for some people, having a good life means having free time and not working too hard rather than working a lot on things that make you passionnate!I didn't say I wouldn't work on something I was passionate about, but I don't need to work on something I'm passionate about in order to achieve what I want to do in life.

Working on something, as a profession, that I'm passionate about isn't something I need. I want my hobbies to be my passion, and my work to be bearable, if not enjoyable.

I've tried mixing work and play in the past (in form of computer business), and it ended up ruining what was, before I started, a very enjoyable hobby.



Call it a lack of ambition, call it easily satisfied, call it lazy, but I call it a potentially fulfilling life. If there are opportunities, I'll seize them, and if I see the potential to make an opportunity, I'll seize it. I don't call that a lack of ambition, I just don't think that promotion and glorification are the end all and be all of what I want in a job.

[une fille]

I do know of plenty of people though who have just generally been passively dragged through life by their circumstances, rather than consciously deciding what they actually want from life and actively pursuing that.
That's definitely one of my biggest fears.

As for what I want, I've narrowed it down by knowing what I don't want, starting with the above quote, but also including:
Kids
An empty marriage
A 9-5 job that makes me want to pull an Oedipus and stab my own eyeballs out


Other than that, I don't have a sincere desire for anything..

[amberlinen]

I've been in a pass like that, where I'd feel like I could just be happy with an effortless good paying job and do the stuff I really enjoy on my free time.

I guess for some people, having a good life means having free time and not working too hard rather than working a lot on things that make you passionnate!

Well, jobs aren't designed to nurture your passion. Even when you are in academia you still need to attend conferences for networking, fitting your ideas into existing theoretical frameworks, and read thousands of books in a narrow field that could destroy your love for reading forever. The amount of wasted time and energy is probably no less than an effortless good paying job not related to your passion. Combining one's need for survival and one's desire to utilize their fullest potential, getting a daytime job and working hard on free time is actually a pretty sensible thing to do.

[maxpot46]

For you younger folks (I'm 38), I just want to remind you that there are other legitimate options to success besides getting a degree and climbing the ladder while working for the man. I personally hate corporate work. Entrepreneurship is where the real money is at, and it's a lot more fun working for yourself. You get the know-how by working for someone else for a while, while saving up the capital you need to launch a biz on your own. I think for INTJs especially it's much more fulfilling than office work -- all the political and social games are anathema to folks like us. That was my experience, at least... and you don't need a degree. In the restaurant biz, for example, there are plenty that worked their way up from bussers to owners in only a few years.

[NancyS786]

43 years old and wish I knew....

I'm a inTj.... Kinda moderate except for the thinking thing.....

Been going crazy career wise much of my life. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten that computer science degree though I'm so good at programming computers....

I've given up that career more than once. I honestly don't think I can go back to it.

Now entertaining the idea of working my up to managing a grocery store (well, not any old chain, but a really nice one....).

Relationship problems..... Got married at 24, divorced at 25. Didn't date again till I was 29, then ended up with someone 30-43. That over now, and I'm really honestly confused as to whether I AM a relationship person or am just fooling myself.....


Things I HAVE known about myself a really long time and have not changed my mind:
1) Never wanted kids. Decided this when I was 11.
2) Don't believe in God. Figured that one out when I was 12.
3) Don't like "pop" music. Been like this since junior high.

Geez, I made a couple really big decisions really early in life. If I had figured out my whole life by age 12, maybe I'd have gotten it right.....

[lorian]

No, I want to be in a relationship, live with her in our own house in Florida with our kids. I'll be the stay at home dad and take care of the kids, you continue to be an economist and life will be bliss. Are you really Spanish too? what are you waiting for??? :)

Yes, I'm an economist, but now I work with scientists, as a project manager, what is quite good, but I wasn't talking about job, I was talking about personal life...And yes, I'm from Spain, can't you see my awful English? :)

I like to be single, I love to live on my own (I lived for one year with a friend and it was terrible), it's ok for now, but I don't know what I want for the future. Now I don't imagine myself living whith someone else or having kids, but I've always thought that having kids is one of the best things you can do in life...so, I don't know why my life is going to the opposite way...

So maybe what we think we want is not always what we really want, this is my conclusion.

[MaleVolentworld]

lorian

There's a big difference between living with a friend and living with a partner. Unless your friend slept with you in your bed, gave you hugs and kisses and shared a bath.

It sounds to me that because people/society/culture think that having kids is wonderful, then you think that you should too, but you don't really want that judging from your post. If you don't want kids then don't have kids.

Your conclusion should be changed to "So maybe what others think we should want is not always what we really want"

If you like to be single and live alone, don't feel guilty about it. Enjoy your life, just because most people want/do this or that, doesn't mean you should.

[IreOfDesire]

No total world domination so far?

[Caramel]

Work related: Gain more knowledge. Gain a larger network of co-workers. Finish my PhD. Do research. Work at the interesting institutes. Cure cancer.
Friendship related: Find more likeminded people, who understand me and appreciate me for who I am. Understand and appreciate them aswell. Be there for them.
Relationship related: Stay together. Keep loving eachother. :)
Life related: Travel the world, see places. Be inspired.
Self related: Learn to take more risks. Learn to just 'go with it'. Learn to stop hiding the special/unusual parts of myself, and just throw them out there.

[Freedom Geek]

I have a fairly good idea.
I most definitely do not want kids. I might stop being single if someone meeting all my qualifications comes along. I would not want to live with someone who did not have a similar personality to me.
Overall I want more free time, more technology, more knowledge and more freedom (IreOfDesire; a strategy to get that last one is world domination).

[HeyZeus]

I have one kid and he is awesome, so I would like one or two more.

Right now, I am on a good career track and there are lots of possibilities. I really was dissatisfied in my career in my 20s because my level of responsibility and input was not fulfilling. As my responsibility increased, so increased my ability to shape my organization. So for many of you that write about uncertainty about the direction of your current careers, I have been there and I would offer the advice of taking not rash but deliberate initiative in your jobs when the opportunity arises. It is often those uncomfortable taking initiative that label or otherwise mock the enterprise as "butt-kissing". But initiative and innovative solutions are what bosses are waiting for, so put your creativity and drive to work on your boss's problems, and you shall advance.

A word that has always been key for me is usefulness, and I see it frequently in the forum. My goal is to simply be useful to an organization that accomplishes work worth doing.

And then, constructive hobbies lead to relationships with people of shared interests, which is how adult friendships can begin to form. Adult friendships with the intimacy and deep roots of childhood friendships are rare, though ESFPs (like my ex) meet dozens of wonderful new friends each month based on shallow mutual flattery, which mutually loses steam pretty quickly. I'd prefer a few very solid, completely open friendships. That is more than enough.

Anyway, once I retire, I'll move to S. or C. America, Croatio, Ireland, Italy, France, or Spain and just ride my bike, read, garden, drink wine, and sing karaoke in second languages.

[jerr]

For you younger folks (I'm 38), I just want to remind you that there are other legitimate options to success besides getting a degree and climbing the ladder while working for the man. I personally hate corporate work. Entrepreneurship is where the real money is at, and it's a lot more fun working for yourself. You get the know-how by working for someone else for a while, while saving up the capital you need to launch a biz on your own. I think for INTJs especially it's much more fulfilling than office work -- all the political and social games are anathema to folks like us. That was my experience, at least... and you don't need a degree. In the restaurant biz, for example, there are plenty that worked their way up from bussers to owners in only a few years.
That's exactly what I'm trying to accomplish at the moment. I'm pretty sure I would be a good entrepreneur, yet the studies involved in knowing it all in business are very very boring (for having tried them.)

I've been working on tackling the "money" problem of the whole entrepreneurship thing. For the last 7 years, I've been reading and experimenting in a multitude of different fields of work in web development to avoid needing outside (most likely paying) help for my projects.

Anyway, it's a huge entreprise to try and learn everything web-related. I'm confident in a few years I will accomplish that though!

[maxpot46]

You do need capital but that's where working and saving come in. You might be able to arrange a loan (especially if you have sympathetic family members with capital), but for us self-reliant types nothing beats working and saving. After 7 years you could have had quite the capital buildup, had you been saving that whole time.

[Urania]

Experiences

[LvHmBirth]

Gee, I'm going to have to copy floramacivor:

I already have a husband who tries to understand me, house, small bit of land, heap of kids who are homeschooled,

Except, I only homeschool 2 kids. I have a bunch of outside interests that I pursue, and I always seem to be studying for something (entering another teacher type training soon), but I still don't really know what I want in life.

I guess it comes down to keeping the family, finding a few more interesting and trustworthy friends, and being economically comfortable enough to continue finding new passions and interests.

[hongi]

Happiness!

[Nomad78]

A good question... If i was a man, i would have a bunch of kids, but as a woman, I am more reserved - the entire process of being pregnant scares the shit out of me, to be honest (excuse the language).

I am in a relationship with a good, nice, perfect ISTJ, and once a week I have vivid daydreams of breaking up with him. not that i want to be free - i prefer to be in a relationship - but because I am very loyal, I want to be there, bu my dear boyfriend bores me to death, in conversation and in bed. I keep telling myself that in a month's time I will break up, no matter what, but I hate those types of emotional drama, I don't like searching the THE ONE, and i am relatively sure that good people are not easy to come by. besides, I'm scared of the entire dating someone you like but don't know how much they like you process. that makes me a wreck.

[HeyZeus]

bu my dear boyfriend bores me to death, in conversation and in bed.

as a hastener, perhaps rent the move "Scenes from a Marriage". I wouldn't recommend watching it with dear boyfriend though. Good luck!

[Autoptic]

It's mostly abstract - amusement, satisfaction, sex with attachment (which is theory and apparently damn hard to define...), freedom, territory, non-interference, resources, power. Obviously, there's overlap. How to acquire them if even possible and without violating each other and what form they'd actually take if they do exist, I don't really know.

[Sesquipedalian]

- I long for a suitable person to share my life with. This might or might not happen and I'd like to think I can be happy either way, although I definitely prefer to find someone... I've been considering the fact that the odds of my never finding someone I'm compatible with far outweigh the odds that I'll ever fall in love with someone since my early teen years. This is an area of life that I think plagues a lot of INTJs, and that can be a great source of heartbreak. At times, it has been for me.
- I want to work hard and retire early. I'm very frugal, low-maintenance, and investment-minded and I think retiring at a reasonably young age (45?) with 3-4 million in investments (enough to live off of the interest) isn't entirely unreasonable.
- After I retire I want to dedicate my life to giving (financial and time) and service, both things against my nature, but both things that bring great joy and fulfillment.
- I want to have a significant, lasting, positive impact on the world. ...on my possible children, on those around me, on my grandchildren and generations that live their lives long after I'm dead.

[sagewolf]

I'd like to:

-Find at least one person who understands me and who I'm (almost) completely comfortable around; whether this is a romantic relationship or a friendship is in the air. I don't care, so long as there's at least one of them.
-Make a living for myself doing something I really care about: animation would work, or comics, or writing... anything as long as it's related to creativity and storytelling. My own creative studio (even if it's just a small, private thing for producing webcomics or the like) would be ideal.
-Keep doing it until the day I die. I mean it-- if I'm alive, I'm drawing, and if I'm drawing, I might as well be telling some story while I'm at it. I don't want to spend ten or fifteen years of my life in 'retirement' where I abandon drawing and writing.
-Have a lot of dogs, preferably rescued from pounds or similar places. As many as will comfortably fit in my house and I can still adequately take care of. Other animals in need are not excluded from my private rescue centre, but dogs hold a special place in my heart.

I'm not averse to the idea of having kids, as well, but the above would make me very happy indeed.

[BlackMita]

I do know of plenty of people though who have just generally been passively dragged through life by their circumstances, rather than consciously deciding what they actually want from life and actively pursuing that.

This is sounding more and more ideal. When I've ever wanted to assert my energies into the outside world, it's almost always been reactionary or whimsical. Been doing it for 19 years, so I'm at least guaranteed a tried and true method. Anything even remotely associated with upward mobility strikes me as faked and redundant.

Plus it's hard right? The only aspiration I want go for is drawing skills and building up a library of knowledge and experiences on purpose, kinda-sorta trying to anticipate what would be most original to brag about as having happened in my life. Forcing myself to reconcile that with a job title, probably freelance illustration work. I also want to have been through multiple partners.

[Superunknown]

I want (1) to evolve as an individual, (2) help others on a substantive level, (3) become a psychiatrist, (4) become financially independent, (5) the resources and time to pursue what I love (the outdoors, music, etc.), and (6) to find truth and answers.

[Tabemashoo]

Hmm...
My view is kind of classic "American Dream" stuff.
Ultimately, I'd like to find a lifelong partner, have a child (only one), get a job that allows me to work from home in order to be able to stay with the kid (my father did that for my brother and I and is probably why we're both so close with him), live in a small, suburban, clean and safe home and neighborhood, and die peacefully sometime after the kid grows up and starts to live on their own and not need me anymore.

Of course, it's more likely that I'll get the job working from home, live alone in a small, suburban, clean and safe home and neighborhood, and become a foster parent. Those kids go through such hell, I'd like to help make it a little easier on them if at all possible.

EDIT: Also, either way, I want to be able to financially support my father as he enters old age. He's worked hard his whole life and really needs a break.

[Ender]

I've always wanted to get married and raise a family at some point in my life. When I will, I have no idea. And I intend to go into video game design as a career, though I'm not sure what specific facet of it I'll be focusing on, if any.

That's pretty much the basic idea of what I want out of life. The whole getting married thing is very important to me because I know that while I might be introverted, I do want a companion in life. I'm not too old yet, so my dream life is certainly not set in stone.

[mikebob]

I'm still young, 24, but I've already got the best job a high school dropout could ever hope to get, so career advancement isn't high on my list right now. I'd like to find a mate that I'm comfortable with in the sort of way that we can share dreams without reservation or embarrassment. It's my hope that we'd pick one of those dreams, the sort that'd make little kids look on and ask their parents if they could be like that when they grow up, and make it happen. If I end up with kids, I want to raise them to be heroes. I don't care what sort they are. I don't have my heart set on a place to live or a particular kind of home, but since this is conjecture, how about living in a gleaming aluminum dirigible? It's not likely, none of this is I'd guess, but these are dreams and dreams don't need to bother with feasibility.

[Zilal]

I know what I want in a very general sense, but I don't know which specific things I'd like to do in order to get it.

I want a job and a home that allow me peace and quiet, I want strong, long-term close relationships, I want to always have the opportunity to do and experience new things. And I'm very clear on wanting these things, I know that's what fulfills me.

But obviously they're so general that how to go about arranging my life is a whole other matter. The most immediate choices facing me are whether to go to grad school and who to date, and I have no clue.

[lancelot]

I read recently, that INTJ are not obsessed trying to get rich. For myself money is important, but I just want to live comfortably. There are a lot of rich people where I work, I think most got rich just being ambitious.

Regarding family, I was married for 8.5 years. I'm single now and plan to get married again; I think I would be happier living with someone again.

[Uytuun]

No.

[Bobert]

I'm 38 and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

I've been married for 18 years, have 2 kids, 4 & 18 mos., and a 3 year old mortgage.

I love to design businesses that I would own & operate (already have/had 3), but inevitably determine unknowns that prevent me from persuing the dream. I would love to expound on them, but am naturally protective of my (common) ideas.

[lancelot]

I'm 38 and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

I've been married for 18 years, have 2 kids, 4 & 18 mos., and a 3 year old mortgage.

I love to design businesses that I would own & operate (already have/had 3), but inevitably determine unknowns that prevent me from persuing the dream. I would love to expound on them, but am naturally protective of my (common) ideas.

Interesting post, I guess you could say you're living the "American Dream".

Now, regarding your home town, is Vince's Pizza still there?

[thiagofralves]

If I find the right person (which I think I finally found, let's see) I'm willing to marry... and if I do that I really would like to have 3 children.

As for work, I want to retire (in the sense of needing to work to survive) when I'm mid 40s. From then on I plan to dedicate myself only to things that I want to do, which doesn't mean I will not earn money, lol.

If I'm even more lucky I will blow up enlightenment thinking :P