Erotic Mind Games

[Maayan]

Splitting from the rape fantasy thread. These solicited "mind fucks" indulge the psychological aspect of sadomasochism. My goal in starting this thread is to satisfy my own curiosity:

- "Mind games" is a vague term. I want details. Chain (and anyone else who knows what I'm talking about), the floor is yours.
- Can you see yourself enjoying these activities -- in either role? Why? Why not?

[alphawolf]

I love playing mind games during sex.

As they say, the mind is your biggest sex organ.

Figure out what a woman is insecure about, then say things to boost her ego while looking right into her eyes and thrusting hard.

Then start talking dirty, make her feel naughty. Then mix the ego boosting in with the dirty talk. Make her feel good and naughty at the same time. Fuck her mind and body at the same time. Go on for long enough and the bed could catch on fire. Or in my case, the devil comes in through the window to take my soul.

[countrygirl]

You should also check out wikipedia as well as dominance and submission.

The only problem with alphawolf's statement is that it is so hard to look someone in the eye in doggie position.

[Valiyn]

I love them as well. In a 24/7 bdsm relationship it is almost one big mind game. And of course I'm faced off against an INTP in these mind games so it becomes very interesting very fast. She actually fights back with mind games from time to time in a playfull manner. We've been trying to get another bi female to enter the fray, but it's hard to find someone that is able to keep up with the mind games as well as we both can. Mind games definately require a special kind of individual to enjoy.

[llBradll]

I see them as enjoyable on the lead up to sex but they don't seem to appeal to me while or after.

[nacht]

Splitting from the rape fantasy thread. These solicited "mind fucks" indulge the psychological aspect of sadomasochism. My goal in starting this thread is to satisfy my own curiosity:

- "Mind games" is a vague term. I want details. Chain, the floor is yours.
- INTJs. Can you see yourself enjoying these activities -- in either role? Why? Why not?

I do enjoy it, both giving and receiving. The mind is a very potent tool, and can radically change how things being done to the body are perceived. It is something that's really fascinating to work with, both in yourself and in others and can be used to heighten or change sensations to attain a desired effect.

I mentioned this in another thread: blindfold your partner and take a credit card or a cold butter knife and slide the edge along the skin, trailing it with an ice cube. It takes a few tries to get the technique right and some work to get the sub's skin sensitive, but when you do--especially if you start by opening a folding pocket knife by the her ear--it can feel like she is being cut, without ever touching her skin with a sharp knife.

[Vagrant]

I certainly like making jokes in the bedroom. It's a funny way to get her to involuntarily spasm and grind herself around. :D

Although my mind games follow along the lines of finding the right ways to turn her on and exploit them in the wrong places. :D (basically being a dick in public, heeeee) And yes, I am aware that my "sadism" falls more along the lines of humiliation, rather than physical torture.

[Chain]

Splitting from the rape fantasy thread. These solicited "mind fucks" indulge the psychological aspect of sadomasochism. My goal in starting this thread is to satisfy my own curiosity:

- "Mind games" is a vague term. I want details. Chain (and anyone else who knows what I'm talking about), the floor is yours.
- Can you see yourself enjoying these activities -- in either role? Why? Why not?

So far, alphawolf, nacht and Vagrant have given you three examples of different types of games. Basically, it comes down to getting someone to think or feel what you want the to. One primary rule: You cannot make someone believe, think or feel anything that they don't want to; truth is irrelevant. The trick is getting them to think that what you want them to think or feel is what they want to think or feel. After that, the rest is easy.

One version, you do something to them and make them think that you're doing something else. nacht gave you an example of cutting. An old trick mentioned in the Loving Dom and used in the movie Punisher is to use popsicle or cold piece of metal to make someone think that you're taking a torch to them.

Role play is another mental game: Everything from age to religion to medical to interrogation.

My personal favorite is using their memories and emotions against them. Make them feel elated, or good about themselves, or dirty, or angry, or like a fucktoy, or make them cry (yes the teary kind). Whatever I want that I can get at that point and wouldn't hurt her to give is what I take. The emotion is intoxicating.

I clear my mind, stop thinking, go with my gut and perceive what she's feeling and feel the general flow of where her mind is. Then I take that, what I know about her and how I'm feeling, decide what I'm going to coax out of her and then use the aforementioned to twist things around and draw out what I want. If she feels inadequate at this, feels she's great at that or has this fantasy or has done X, it's all useful- whether it's bedroom knowledge and experiences or not- if it's used in the right context at the right time.

The body is fun, but I prefer the playground of the mind. Your only limits are what you can think up and what won't scar your partner.

[Maayan]

I wrote this to Valiyn in a private message, but I think it's relevant to the thread and worth putting up for public discussion:

I've always liked sadomasochism and power play, and I associated these interactions with sexuality and fantasy (not to be confused with reality) from a very young age. Even when I was little, I'd try to convince my friends to base our games of "pretend" on these interactions, sexual aspect included. In one popular storyline, we were princesses who'd been forcibly detained by a Dark Lord. Central to our predicament was an elaborate ritual in which he'd cut off a piece of my vagina. Although I described it as a physical incision, I never thought of it as anything even remotely resembling the real act. The meaning was symbolic and had to do more with the idea of being humiliated in front of my royal subjects and the Dark Lord's subjects alike; of being desired more than anything, and of having my mind and body forcibly taken from me in the cruelest way that I could imagine. I couldn't have been older than five when these games began.

Mind games seem to be my thing. As Chain put it, "The body is fun, but I prefer the playground of the mind. Your only limits are what you can think up and what won't scar your partner." I've actually wondered if I'm attracted to INTJs because their personality is more in line with my sexual desires (with reference to my second discussion prompt in the opening post). Not only is it plausible that they would be capable of delivering simply by virtue of their way of being, but that they'd be clever enough to do it well.

Here's the thing. Romantic relationships -- even normal ones -- are my kryptonite. It's like a switch flips, and any "T" that I've built up gets overtaken by the "F" from Hell. My sensitivity goes into overdrive and I become prone to all those nasty things that make a relationship turn sour: obsession, insecurity, depression and dependence. I'll do anything and everything to behave as badly as possible. I'm one of those crazy girlfriends who actively tries to turn things upside-down, and I don't even know why I do it. It's quite frightening. I'm a fairly reasonable and emotionally stable person when I'm not in an intimate relationship, so... I try not to open that can of worms.

Given my predisposition to these emotions, it seems like madness to put myself in a relationship that would only serve to goad them on. I'm worried that my partner would only be willing and able to do so much by way of shielding me from psychological damage. I don't feel confident in my own ability to hold my head above the water in that sort of a situation. Fantasy is the key word. I don't want to come out of a situation with a reduced ability to cope with reality.

So, while I'd love to feed these desires, I can't think of a healthy way to make that possible.

[Autoptic]

'Virgin, so this is theory. Fake and complex are annoying, so role-playing and most such things are out. While I feel the connection between both types of aggression, it's not just a game. Anything else is minimal, fleeting (possibly instantaneously so), or just real situation which doesn't have much functional variation. Dominance, for instance, might be fun, but the actions involved wouldn't differ much than without it. It could but that'd be over a safe or sustainable limit or at least likely go that way. I've been a very angry person for a very long time.:knife:

[Chain]

I wrote this to Valiyn in a private message, but I think it's relevant to the thread and worth putting up for public discussion:

I've always liked sadomasochism and power play, and I associated these interactions with sexuality and fantasy (not to be confused with reality) from a very young age. Even when I was little, I'd try to convince my friends to base our games of "pretend" on these interactions, sexual aspect included. In one popular storyline, we were princesses who'd been forcibly detained by a Dark Lord. Central to our predicament was an elaborate ritual in which he'd cut off a piece of my vagina. Although I described it as a physical incision, I never thought of it as anything even remotely resembling the real act. The meaning was symbolic and had to do more with the idea of being humiliated in front of my royal subjects and the Dark Lord's subjects alike; of being desired more than anything, and of having my mind and body forcibly taken from me in the cruelest way that I could imagine. I couldn't have been older than five when these games began.

Mind games seem to be my thing. As Chain put it, "The body is fun, but I prefer the playground of the mind. Your only limits are what you can think up and what won't scar your partner." I've actually wondered if I'm attracted to INTJs because their personality is more in line with my sexual desires (with reference to my second discussion prompt in the opening post). Not only is it plausible that they would be capable of delivering simply by virtue of their way of being, but that they'd be clever enough to do it well.

Here's the thing. Romantic relationships -- even normal ones -- are my kryptonite. It's like a switch flips, and any "T" that I've built up gets overtaken by the "F" from Hell. My sensitivity goes into overdrive and I become prone to all those nasty things that make a relationship turn sour: obsession, insecurity, depression and dependence. I'll do anything and everything to behave as badly as possible. I'm one of those crazy girlfriends who actively tries to turn things upside-down, and I don't even know why I do it. It's quite frightening. I'm a fairly reasonable and emotionally stable person when I'm not in an intimate relationship, so... I try not to open that can of worms.

It seems like madness to put myself in a relationship that would only serve to drive these emotions. I'm worried that my partner would only be willing and able to do so much by way of shielding me from psychological damage. I don't feel confident in my own ability to protect myself in that sort of a situation. Fantasy is the key word. I don't want to come out of a situation with a reduced ability to cope with reality.

So, while I'd love to feed these desires, I can't think of a healthy way to make that possible.

Having those fantasies that early in life is EXTREMELY typical of naturally submissive and/or masochistic women. And if it makes any difference to you, it's the same for Dom/mes and Sadists. Some people, it seems, are just wired that way from birth.

Now, what it looks like you're saying is that you fantasize about humiliation and submission. As long as those two elements are present, does the "how and why" of them matter? Would you feel the same way with say... a pirate captain as you would your Dark Lord?

As for flipping the switch that makes you the GF from Hell, it's a reaction to fear. My question is: Is it a steady "screw things up," or is it a cyclic "screw up, beg and fix, and screw up again?"

As someone better with words than I put it: "The pinnacle of most relationships is care, trust and good communication. That's where BDSM starts." You have to find someone you can trust to not cross into the un-repairable, and that you can trust to bring back to reality and give you reassurance after.

Problem is: Nothing's going to work until you get that little problem of yours that you mentioned in check. No one can do that but you, and you'll never find a quality relationship until that happens; no matter how perfect the other end is.* I highly suggest figuring this part out before embarking on the path you'd like to follow. These types of relationships amplify emotion and the ups and downs, not even them out; no matter how well they fit.

*I'm not mentioning that bit to hurt you. I've just seen way too many people that thought if they found the right person their problems would mystically go away.

[firebee]

Here's the thing. Romantic relationships -- even normal ones -- are my kryptonite. It's like a switch flips, and any "T" that I've built up gets overtaken by the "F" from Hell. My sensitivity goes into overdrive and I become prone to all those nasty things that make a relationship turn sour: obsession, insecurity, depression and dependence. I'll do anything and everything to behave as badly as possible. I'm one of those crazy girlfriends who actively tries to turn things upside-down, and I don't even know why I do it. It's quite frightening. I'm a fairly reasonable and emotionally stable person when I'm not in an intimate relationship, so... I try not to open that can of worms.

So, while I'd love to feed these desires, I can't think of a healthy way to make that possible.

Today seems to be the official INTJf day for people with vexing problems that resonate uncomfortably with me... I have inferior Fe and certain narratives from the past that have a way of provoking a reaction far out of proportion to the present situation. Theoretically, I'd find it interesting to play with this territory, but at the present time I've not quite got to the point where I can without incurring a nasty case of mental RSI.

One thing that I think is crucial is to find something in oneself that one can trust outside of the present thoughts one is having. Thoughts arise and take a given form for a number of reasons -- biochemical state, past experience, whatever -- but they're not always trustworthy. Indeed, often are not. If I don't have something else to believe in, I'm stuck by the whim of how many angels are currently dancing on the head of a pin, or by the phase of the moon. And likewise, that source has to come from myself, because I'm the only person that I can guarantee will be around when I'm there.

[Shikaze]

This thread gave me an idea of the kind of woman that I want and need. Most girls in my class don't even know there were 2 world wars XD. I'm a big fish inside a small puddle.