Being Gay

[2QT2B]

Can anyone relate to being gay and INTJ? I am out, but do not enjoy the "gay scene" at all. My main form of being social is at work and with my family. Can anyone give me advice on how to meet other guys for possible LTR?

[noueux]

If you're in or around a city of sufficient size, the club scene certainly isn't the only "gay scene". Book clubs, knitting circles, volunteering (especially volunteering, I'd say)- you can put yourself amongst gay people, who, at least at the moment, if not in general, are looking for deeper relationships than a trip to the bathroom. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

[Vagrant]

As was pointed out -- in a large enough city, you can always find the right people. However, I would recommend avoiding the gay bars and clubs and stuff -- even if you are gay, you're still an INTJ, and those places typically don't attract the types we're interested in.

[notoppings]

If your gaydar works one of the best places I've found to meet intelligent gay men is at the library. The opening lines for conversation are practically built in, even if he's looking at some author you don't know you probably know another in that same genre that you can use to crack the ice. You may also try to take some community classes on cooking chances are you will be able to hook up with someone or make friends who know someone that is just right for you, if you are into the hook up. Just don't expect someone to pop up at your door, you can only meet people if you put yourself out there. Good luck on the search.

[Santana28]

probably the same way the rest of us do - on the internet or at work :)

i've got plenty of gay friends... not all are into those types of social scenes. they meet other like minded people through other pursuits.. things that interest you.

don't feel like you have to be someone you're not just to meet people - trust me, just be yourself and people who have potential will find you.

[alphawolf]

gaydar! That's the funniest word I've heard in a long time ;-)

I'm not gay, but I do have a somewhat functioning gaydar and have noticed that there are a lot of gay men working as waiters in restaurants. Go out to eat by yourself and flirt with the waiters.

I always flirt with the waitresses if they are attractive and nice to me. Why not?

[changos]

Can anyone relate to being gay and INTJ?A little bit. In my country there is this say: "30, single and mature, gay for sure". So, many friends of mine who practice sports, read and have intellectual interest are "suspected" as gay in many scenarios. Most of the times a guy of my age (30) has a big belly... there you go. Here, the main topic of interest in conversation is football soccer.

One of my best friends from school is gay and told me how hard it is to meet (for him in my country) normal gay people (not crazy ones) but as he told me, cultural events where a good point to begin.

Honestly, I confess it must be hard as many of the characteristics he mentioned to "diagnose" a gay smart guy were too ambiguous here. (here being gay is not so OK, society here is not very open about it.)

* BTW, No clue what it is LTR. Can someone explain? ohhh I guess Long term relationship...

[SShack]

I met my INTJ guy through mutual friends. My experience is that like the others have said, you'll find gay INTJs doing much the same things and having the same interests as straight INTJs, and avoiding the gay scene as much as straight INTJs tend to avoid the straight scene.

Of course, you're probably looking to meet others who aren't necessarily INTJs, but are compatible with INTJ. You may have luck finding compatible types at cultural events like film festivals and other similar things. When I lived in San Diego, I would never go to the bars or anything like that, but I loved going to film festivals.

Also, look for gay subgroups within groups that represent your hobbies: Gay sci-fi fans, for example, if you're into that. I've made a lot of gay friends in the past as a former comic book fan.

And because the gay population is so much smaller than the straight population, social networking is a bit more important. You're a minority within a minority. Finding somebody is going to be a challenge if you can't find ways to be social. My INTJ guy actually has a bigger circle of gay friends than I do. He doesn't do the bar scene with them, but they do other things. One of his friends has a regular "game night" where his friends gather and play board games and stuff like that.

[changos]

I remember something interesting that makes sense and might be useful for you.

While I was going to this gym I noticed that very serious people (girls, guys, straight and gay) were differentiated by the days of the week they trained. Fridays, usually a night for parties was very low in general, but people with discipline, serious people still trained mostly as they took their health and training very serious. You can even have diff kind of conversations according to the day of the week. Mondays were low as people were tired by the weekend.

just my two cents.

[FilmJason]

Yes, I'm in LA too, and have always had difficulty assimilating with the gay scene. I see it for what it is, but when I go out, I can play the scene as well as anyone. Ironically, I don't really enjoy it and tend to retreat to a coffee shop when everyone else is smashed at 1am.

[Hinun]

LOL, you read my mind, I was thinking about asking how many gay INTJ males there were. I have no advice beyond do you want me to hook you up with my friend? lol... kidding, but gay INTJ males seem uncommon... honestly.

I am not gay, however I do find some men very attractive and would be willing to be with one, however most of my gay male friends that I would date are in the University system, so it is easiar for me... I suppose.

so, Universities, gyms (sometimes, I don't know), doing some kind of community service (seems lame, but actually is how I normally find very interesting people).

Just places where introverts would be, possible the library (sounds silly, but it isn't a bad place to look).

[Zilal]

You could hang out in the gay/lesbian section of a bookstore.

Or ask everyone you know to set you up.

[Jonathan Brewer]

If your gaydar works one of the best places I've found to meet intelligent gay men is at the library.

I myself am straight but I can attest to the truth of this statement. Of course, I would also say one of the best places to meet intelligent people of any gender or sexual orientation is the library. Beware, there are still idiots about.