I need an outlet...

[Necrosis]

My family finally confronted me today about my feelings towards my sister. I came home and she was here with her b/f. A little background story, I'll keep it simple, she's pregnant(19) and it's with a b/f no one in the family approved of. He's not the worst but certainly not the best. My sister is not the worst of people but she made alot of choices I didn't approve. I'm 21, growing up I was always there and taken advantage of by both her and my family. Eventually I started to seperate myself from my family and became very private, which they took as me being cold and secretive. I know there's another thread about this, but I asked myself a few years ago if I really loved my sister and really I couldn't come up with an answer. When I discovered she was pregnant, I know more information then my parents do though I can never explain how I do to them but this pregnancy was not an accident, it flipped a switch for me and I haven't spoken to my sister since. I told my parents that day how I felt and they ignored me. For me, that was just too far and it flipped the switch for me. I can't pinpoint one thing that makes me feel this way, I just do and it feels to me like it was a culmination of all the events of growing up. Not that I'm angry which they think I am, but just indfferent to what happens now.

So today when I came home and she was here with her b/f, I was upset no one told me so I could just distance myself and not make them feel uncomfortable with how I feel. He left and my family blew up on me. In all the arguing etc my mom and sister asked me are you honestly ok with never talking to me again, and honestly told them yes. I looked them right in the eyes and told them I feel neither love nor hate towards anyone and I can't help it. They take my actions of ignoring her as hate but if I told her I don't care at all that would be 10x worse. I feel perfectly fine living on with my life seperate from all of it. It freaked them out that I would say such a thing. I know it hurts them and my sister and she wished I saw things as the family did, but no matter how I put the situation my view doesn't change. I feel nothing. And it scares me because I don't know if this is even normal. I couldn't even tell my parents that in a year from now, it would change. I would feel worse if I lied to everyone and pretended to support everything. I'm not saying she's evil for being pregnant, but I don't feel that it's fair just because I'm her brother I'm suppose to approve and move forward when really I am indifferent to it all.

I am really at a loss of words and could use some input.

[Jaxx]

You could always tell them why you've become the way you have become. Just tell them what you have felt all throughout the years and give them examples. Just lay all your cards out on the table.

This doubles for what you said to them earlier about how they blew up on you. Just tell them.


"I said what I said because..."

[daydreamer]

i agree with jaxx. my parents and brother are reactive, over-emotional types prone to blow ups. i can rarely bring myself to express myself in this way, i guess because i don't enjoy it, don't practice it, and don't respect it. however, more recently i've begun to realize that emotional outbursts are something that they do respect, even from me, and sometimes are the only way that they focus on what i'm saying. you might try sincerely letting go of your feelings and unleashing your frustrations if you haven't done so before, as well. it might be awkward, but no more awkward than re-iterating the unpleasant things that you've already had to tell them.

[Necrosis]

Well I did, and they partly didn't believe me or gave me puzzled faces which made me think was I overreacting or pretending to feel the way I did. It's hard to explain to someone that you feel indifferent. Everytime I gave an example, it was followed with that can't be true. I mean, I'm sure they know now why I do, but they think I'm going to change my stance, and I don't think I will. I know for a fact im going to face alot of hositility from the rest of my family; especially when I'm not at the baby shower. I can't quite explain to the whole world you know?

[Perf]

Well I did, and they partly didn't believe me or gave me puzzled faces which made me think was I overreacting or pretending to feel the way I did. It's hard to explain to someone that you feel indifferent. Everytime I gave an example, it was followed with that can't be true. I mean, I'm sure they know now why I do, but they think I'm going to change my stance, and I don't think I will. I know for a fact im going to face alot of hositility from the rest of my family; especially when I'm not at the baby shower. I can't quite explain to the whole world you know?
A couple of suggestions:

1) Write it down, and keep a diary for a while, just making notes every time you feel something. Alternatively, keep this thread alive and just add to it as you feel.

2) Now is probably the time to consider what are your core values and to fall back on them. In my case, respect is number one. If I was in your boat, I would probably go to the baby shower, but make a point of saying to them that this will be the last time for a while. You are right to want to have some time apart. There will be a short time where emotions will run high, but in the long run some cooling off is for the best. The best thing you could do is bring forward your concerns, after having thought or written them out, and then leave it at that.

One other thing: keep in mind that adults make their own choices. If your sister got pregnant, that's her business and doesn't need your approval. If you were in her boat and you got a woman knocked up, I don't think you would appreciate it if other family member's questioned your judgment. I hope I read your posts correct; from what I could tell, you felt slighted that no one considered your feelings about your sister getting pregnant.

[BostonIan]

Being silent isn't being indifferent. Indifference is calmly telling the boyfriend that you don't approve of him, calmly telling the sister that you think she got pregnant on purpose, then calmly asking your parents what's for dinner. Silence is more passive aggressiveness, an act of not acting, and I've found that it's pointless. Too much lingering and festering, letting a problem last years that could have been squashed in minutes.

[dandylion]

I honestly think you should move out. I don't mean to say that you should run away from your problems, but it sounds like you're trapped in a negative, emotionally hostile environment and you need more personal space and distance from your family. It's just not right or healthy to have to come home to that kind of thing every day.

But first, you should have a confrontation/discussion with your family discussing why you feel the way you do. They need to know. Sit them down and request that they do not interrupt in any way or talk over you. Make them understand that you want them to listen, and then tell them how you feel calmly. Even if they become angry with you, that's okay because that is part of the process. They may be upset because they don't understand now, but they'll come around eventually, even if it takes a few months or longer. Families are forgiving.

I can sort of relate to you. There has always been a lot of tension between my oldest sister and me, and a few months ago I confronted her about everything about her that bothered me. She was extremely upset, of course, and wanted me to stop speaking to her because she's one of those people who can't handle the truth. She said something along the lines of, "You're being mean," and I said bluntly, "I don't care. You'll get over it." Long story short, I kept my distance. I didn't try to communicate with her or apologize or anything, and if I never spoke to her again that would have been perfectly okay with me). She's finally coming around on her own.

Anyway, you probably don't seek forgiveness from your own sister, but you should really let her know how you feel about her and what she's doing because she sounds like she doesn't understand that she has to deal with the consequences of anything.

[seoa]

My family finally confronted me today about my feelings towards my sister.

it flipped a switch for me and I haven't spoken to my sister since.

I told my parents that day how I felt and they ignored me. For me, that was just too far and it flipped the switch for me. I can't pinpoint one thing that makes me feel this way, I just do and it feels to me like it was a culmination of all the events of growing up. Not that I'm angry which they think I am, but just indfferent to what happens now.

So today when I came home and she was here with her b/f, I was upset no one told me so I could just distance myself and not make them feel uncomfortable with how I feel.

I looked them right in the eyes and told them I feel neither love nor hate towards anyone and I can't help it.

I'm not saying she's evil for being pregnant, but I don't feel that it's fair just because I'm her brother I'm suppose to approve and move forward when really I am indifferent to it all.

Being silent isn't being indifferent. Indifference is calmly telling the boyfriend that you don't approve of him, calmly telling the sister that you think she got pregnant on purpose, then calmly asking your parents what's for dinner. Silence is more passive aggressiveness, an act of not acting, and I've found that it's pointless. Too much lingering and festering, letting a problem last years that could have been squashed in minutes.

i agree with bostonian... you are not indifferent to this situation... if you truly didn't care, why would the bf being in your house matter... you would be able to be perfectly civil to him, and to her, because you didn't mind one way or the other...

and your refusal to go to the baby-shower... not necessarily wrong (especially if you are going to be passive-agressive, and upset other guests), but that's not the action of someone who is emotionally indifferent to the situation... if you were, you would be able to say: "well, i truly don't care, but i can see that it matters to mother/sister, so i'll make an appearance, however short..."

this is not about your mother /sister /pregnancy... it's more about being honest about what's going on in your head... if you continually deny what you're feeling, you will be blind-sided by life... and that never ends well...

see if you can identify what you are really feeling... is it anger...? betrayal...? jealousy (that the little sister constantly does stuff that gets attention...? irritation (that she makes *stupid* decisions - from your viewpoint)...? worry /concern (that the bf is inappropriate, and will make her unhappy long-term)...? controlled (that this baby will now make your sister needy & dependent, and you'll probably end up getting called on - physically, emotionally, financially - to bail her out, over the next 10-20 years)...?

or maybe a combination of the above... maybe list all those out (and a few more besides - you could subdivide anger into "anger with parents for nurturing her to be this kind of person", "anger with parents for not kicking bf out earlier", "anger with bf for being X", "anger with sister for Y", "anger with sister for Z", etc) and start playing percentages against them (hey - it could be a fun game :laugh:)

"i feel 8% betrayed, 23% controlled, etc..."

[Necrosis]

One other thing: keep in mind that adults make their own choices. If your sister got pregnant, that's her business and doesn't need your approval. If you were in her boat and you got a woman knocked up, I don't think you would appreciate it if other family member's questioned your judgment. I hope I read your posts correct; from what I could tell, you felt slighted that no one considered your feelings about your sister getting pregnant.

It's not that no one considered my feelings. They didn't but that doesn't really bother me. What I felt wasn't as important as to what was occuring so I'm ok with that. Maybe I am questioning her judgement but the fact I know it wasn't a mistake and my family doesn't isn't quite right, but again that's not the real issue.

Being silent isn't being indifferent. Indifference is calmly telling the boyfriend that you don't approve of him, calmly telling the sister that you think she got pregnant on purpose, then calmly asking your parents what's for dinner. Silence is more passive aggressiveness, an act of not acting, and I've found that it's pointless. Too much lingering and festering, letting a problem last years that could have been squashed in minutes.

Well when I walked into the house the first thing I said, was hello to the b/f and then went into the kitchen. I was angry because my family has this policy where whenever someone comes over they tell everyone else. No one told me anything and thats the second time they did that too me. I sleep in the living room. I like my space when I come home and it angered me that someone was in it and I wasn't told. I don't like the kid, that's true, but I never did anything direspectful to him either.

I honestly think you should move out. I don't mean to say that you should run away from your problems, but it sounds like you're trapped in a negative, emotionally hostile environment and you need more personal space and distance from your family. It's just not right or healthy to have to come home to that kind of thing every day.

But first, you should have a confrontation/discussion with your family discussing why you feel the way you do. They need to know. Sit them down and request that they do not interrupt in any way or talk over you. Make them understand that you want them to listen, and then tell them how you feel calmly. Even if they become angry with you, that's okay because that is part of the process. They may be upset because they don't understand now, but they'll come around eventually, even if it takes a few months or longer. Families are forgiving.

I can sort of relate to you. There has always been a lot of tension between my oldest sister and me, and a few months ago I confronted her about everything about her that bothered me. She was extremely upset, of course, and wanted me to stop speaking to her because she's one of those people who can't handle the truth. She said something along the lines of, "You're being mean," and I said bluntly, "I don't care. You'll get over it." Long story short, I kept my distance. I didn't try to communicate with her or apologize or anything, and if I never spoke to her again that would have been perfectly okay with me). She's finally coming around on her own.


Well I'm moving out this summer after graduation so I can have my own space and I have a job lined up so I think that will help me there.

I guess I should explain more about the situation. Growing up I was always around for my sister. It was taken advantage of. When she reached high school, SHE distanced herself from the entire family. I never saw my sister. She was always out the past 2 years. We never spoke. I learned to just accept it and respect her life. My sister has never done anything for me or been there for me. That's not the definition of family to me. It's just like living with any random roomate if you ask me. The issue is, now that she's pregnant everyone expects me to talk to her because I'm her brother and they ignore the fact that she distanced herself from the family years past. I don't think its my responsibility to reach out to her because it has no meaning to me what so ever. I was civil living at home and just politely respected everyone's ideas. I made it very clear yesterday, that my sister will face the consequences of all her actions and that's her responsibilty not mine.

I've been seperate from things for a long time. Am I emotionally indifferent? No, I don't think so completely. There was alot of anger at first and some unhappiness. But I'm indifferent to what anyone things about how I feel and indifferent to how my sister chooses to live her life. If my family want's to support thats, fine its their choice. Regardless, I just want to be seperate from it. I wasn't involved the past few years, why should I suddenly be again now? I don't think the answer because where siblings is enough to me. And they hate that I say that.

and your refusal to go to the baby-shower... not necessarily wrong (especially if you are going to be passive-agressive, and upset other guests), but that's not the action of someone who is emotionally indifferent to the situation... if you were, you would be able to say: "well, i truly don't care, but i can see that it matters to mother/sister, so i'll make an appearance, however short..."


Your right, I can't sit and say I'm completely emotionless. I'm still trying to figure that all out. But by making an appearance, my family and my sister will mistake that for support. I wouldn't show up to a random person's baby shower just because. I'm a very busy college student like any other, so I would prefer spending my time doing something more productive. If I did go, I would face alot of hositility from my family.

It's def betrayel for ignoring what we told her, anger for making a bad choice, irritated by the situation itself. But really I just feel like what's wrong with me wanting to move on with my life completely aside from it.

[Anreader]

So it seems like you are mostly just annoyed your parents are in your business? Tell them to butt out. Are you the "good kid"? I fell into that trap and had to keep conforming to expectations to keep up my reputation as the "good" one. I do think you should move out. Do you have any relatives? Get out as soon as you can. Its not running away. Its gaining perspective.

[Necrosis]

So it seems like you are mostly just annoyed your parents are in your business? Tell them to butt out. Are you the "good kid"? I fell into that trap and had to keep conforming to expectations to keep up my reputation as the "good" one. I do think you should move out. Do you have any relatives? Get out as soon as you can. Its not running away. Its gaining perspective.

Yup, always have been the good one. Always working, good gpa, got a full scholarship etc etc. Everyone expects me to do the best and looks up to me as the successful one. I can't really leave until I graduate b/c I have no where to go. I don't hate my household or anyone there, I just prefer to do things on my own b/c I'm highly independant. It was just hard to tell them I didn't care what happ to my sister b/c they take it as very cold and unloving but it's the truth. I've just been learning over the past few years the way I see things are much different for most and it's very hard to explain that to people so I choose to keep it to myself.

[SeaCzar]

Summer will be here soon enough, so I would grit teeth and bear it. If push really comes to shove, tell your parents the truth about your sister. If nothing else, it will get them off of your case.

[Necrosis]

The reactions from everyone here are much different from the ones I received yesterday. I felt like I was wrong or it was impossible to think the way I did. Instead, here everyone is trying to understand or actually does get where I'm coming from, whether they agree or disagree. I didn't think that would be so hard to get.

[Anreader]

We are probably more like you than your parents are so its more natural for us to understand you. Plus my 18 year old sister gave birth 9 days ago to an illegitimate baby whose father is 16. I feel your pain man. Its even worse when you're a girl everyone expects you to coo over a child that you are still uncertain about your feelings for. Plus my sister is estranged from my parents and we didn't know she was pregnant until a month before the birth. And my sister is intellectually challenged. So yeah. I get you.

[NItsuj]

After reading through the whole thread, there are a couple of things unclear to me, so I figured I would ask some questions and then state my thoughts based on a a few assumptions.

1) Be specific or not, but what did the sister do to 'take advantage of you'? Take your money, friends, what? I'm trying to understand the motivation for your lack of emotion towards your sister. I've never really been 'close' with either my brother or my sister (or her husband), but I've been passibly friendly.

2) You said you consider the living room your space. So I'm assuming your sister and her boyfriend were in the living room? Does that make you really uncomfortable? For example, my room is 'my space'. If people are in it without asking me, or without me being in it I am incredibly irritated and consider it a very personal violation.

3) You believe the sister intentionally got pregnant with this b/f to keep him around? Or just to have a child (I guess for the expected unconditional love)? You said you don't really approve of a lot of her behaviors (and I have a brother like this who I lent 2 grand to declare bankruptcy), so I can understand where you come from. I don't hate or like my brother.

On a separate note, I just have to say I shared a lot of the feelings and void of emotion you claim to have. Once I moved out, life got 100x better, as you can clearly define what is in your life and what is not, what to care about and what not to. A lot of people who know me think I'm weird about it, but in a secret way, I'm proud to apathetic about a lot of stuff.

[Sesquipedalian]

Is it possible that you're depressed?

[Necrosis]

After reading through the whole thread, there are a couple of things unclear to me, so I figured I would ask some questions and then state my thoughts based on a a few assumptions.

1) Be specific or not, but what did the sister do to 'take advantage of you'? Take your money, friends, what? I'm trying to understand the motivation for your lack of emotion towards your sister. I've never really been 'close' with either my brother or my sister (or her husband), but I've been passibly friendly.

2) You said you consider the living room your space. So I'm assuming your sister and her boyfriend were in the living room? Does that make you really uncomfortable? For example, my room is 'my space'. If people are in it without asking me, or without me being in it I am incredibly irritated and consider it a very personal violation.

3) You believe the sister intentionally got pregnant with this b/f to keep him around? Or just to have a child (I guess for the expected unconditional love)? You said you don't really approve of a lot of her behaviors (and I have a brother like this who I lent 2 grand to declare bankruptcy), so I can understand where you come from. I don't hate or like my brother.

On a separate note, I just have to say I shared a lot of the feelings and void of emotion you claim to have. Once I moved out, life got 100x better, as you can clearly define what is in your life and what is not, what to care about and what not to. A lot of people who know me think I'm weird about it, but in a secret way, I'm proud to apathetic about a lot of stuff.

Sure this will help me get my thoughts out as well...


1) it wasnt just me she took advantage of but growing up i literally did all her hw while sitting there and listening to her yell at me. If i was on the computer and she needed it, it was hers. If she wanted friends over, I wasnt allowed to be in the house etc etc alot of things that over the years really angered me. I understand, your young, but when I confronted her as she matured that was no change. She started to take advantage of my parents. She never held down a job to try and help out. Ignored everything my parents said. Asked for a dog, yet never took any responsibilty for it while i watched my parents struggle to pay for it.

2)Exactly on the point. It's all I have in the house since I was forced to give my sister her own room since shes a girl which I had no say in. I literally came in one day and my stuff was out the room. Especially since I wasn't told and it was a monday at 9:30 PM. I took it very personal I wasnt told.

3)This im not sure. I think because she felt she was in love. I dont think she knows what love or responsibility truly is yet, but now she will be forced to learn. She went out and got tattoos behind my parents back: one on her wrist sucks for interviews and huge one behind her neck. Fine thats ok we all have things we like, but she used my parents money for it which was wrong and then hid it from everyone. Just the choices she makes are very selfish and she makes it that much harder for my parents to do for her. She never applied for a single scholarship for school so my mom had to put up her only money that I gave her for her bday so that my sister can go to school. Things like that. I rather not be apart of.

I'm hoping moving out will do for me what it says it did for you. It's hard to have my own space or just be left alone without someone thinking im cold about it. Just as you are, I'm proud to say I am that way too. My close friend tells me that im trying to be special and it angers me. I don't try to be this way, I just feel comfortable being on my own and that's not usual to most people. I'm glad I'm not the only one with a void feeling.





srod511 added to this post, 2 minutes and 16 seconds later...

Is it possible that you're depressed?

LOL nah that made me laugh. I'm very happy with my life as a whole. I was a few years ago when I didnt know how to deal with college. But now to me everything is quite ok. I enjoy school and looking forward to work soon. Have my close friends and hangout when I can. I'm not angry during the day or sad so nope def don't think thats it. I'm usually always laughing during the day for the most part.

[Perf]

Sure this will help me get my thoughts out as well...


1) it wasnt just me she took advantage of but growing up i literally did all her hw while sitting there and listening to her yell at me. If i was on the computer and she needed it, it was hers. If she wanted friends over, I wasnt allowed to be in the house etc etc alot of things that over the years really angered me. I understand, your young, but when I confronted her as she matured that was no change. She started to take advantage of my parents. She never held down a job to try and help out. Ignored everything my parents said. Asked for a dog, yet never took any responsibilty for it while i watched my parents struggle to pay for it.

2)Exactly on the point. It's all I have in the house since I was forced to give my sister her own room since shes a girl which I had no say in. I literally came in one day and my stuff was out the room. Especially since I wasn't told and it was a monday at 9:30 PM. I took it very personal I wasnt told.

3)This im not sure. I think because she felt she was in love. I dont think she knows what love or responsibility truly is yet, but now she will be forced to learn. She went out and got tattoos behind my parents back: one on her wrist sucks for interviews and huge one behind her neck. Fine thats ok we all have things we like, but she used my parents money for it which was wrong and then hid it from everyone. Just the choices she makes are very selfish and she makes it that much harder for my parents to do for her. She never applied for a single scholarship for school so my mom had to put up her only money that I gave her for her bday so that my sister can go to school. Things like that. I rather not be apart of.

I'm hoping moving out will do for me what it says it did for you. It's hard to have my own space or just be left alone without someone thinking im cold about it. Just as you are, I'm proud to say I am that way too. My close friend tells me that im trying to be special and it angers me. I don't try to be this way, I just feel comfortable being on my own and that's not usual to most people. I'm glad I'm not the only one with a void feeling.





srod511 added to this post, 2 minutes and 16 seconds later...



LOL nah that made me laugh. I'm very happy with my life as a whole. I was a few years ago when I didnt know how to deal with college. But now to me everything is quite ok. I enjoy school and looking forward to work soon. Have my close friends and hangout when I can. I'm not angry during the day or sad so nope def don't think thats it. I'm usually always laughing during the day for the most part.
Ahh, now I have a bit more information. Your situation now sounds more convincing, and actually reminds me a bit of how I grew up with my sister, who is three years older than me. I saw her constantly pander for attention, claim unfairness when she thought I was being give preferential treatment and just generally tried to hog the spotlight. After watching how my parents had to deal with this, I determined that I would probably be more successful just keeping my mouth shut. While she was hauling our family into counselling because she felt she wasn't being listened to when she was 16, I just kept my mouth shut. I don't know how I was before I had this realization, but after becoming the 'strong silent type,' I started to exhibit some of the classic INTJ signs.

In your case, your parents are clearly being run by your sister and you are left in the wake because of her overpowering personality. Your sister feels like she owns everything and her way is the only way. For you to move out is one very good step; another would be to stand up for yourself and not give in. I understand that you probably don't have enough room in your house, and so that's why your sister got the room, but sometimes the squeaky wheel gets the grease. If you believe in something, don't give in. At this point, what's the worst that will happen? You're already planning on moving out. Your parents need a reality check that there are two of you.

[Necrosis]

I fought for a while, a long while but 4 on 1 (when my brother used to live here), was very unrewarding. I don't plan to back down I made that clear. But my parents, regardless of what occurs, aren't going to change. They don't realize, maybe I'm wrong, that yes as a parent you do everything you can for your child but there are limits as to how far they can go with getting away with things before they have to face the reprecussions on their own.

My main point in this was that I wasn't sure if I was being unfair to myself most of all, but to everyone else for thinking the way I do. Although I do need to get on a common ground with my family, I feel more that I do have a right to what I think and strongly believe having my own place will help me in the future.

Cant wait :-D

[alphawolf]

My family finally confronted me today about my feelings towards my sister.

...

My sister is not the worst of people but she made alot of choices I didn't approve.


I think you might want to confront yourself about your feelings toward your sister, because they do not appear to be normal for a brother <-> sister relationship.

Also, it is not your place to approve of her decisions or "take care of her", just as it is not her place to approve of your decisions. That's what parents are for.

Did it hurt you inside when you found out she was pregnant? Why? Have you ever had a girlfriend?

[Necrosis]

I think you might want to confront yourself about your feelings toward your sister, because they do not appear to be normal for a brother <-> sister relationship.

Also, it is not your place to approve of her decisions or "take care of her", just as it is not her place to approve of your decisions. That's what parents are for.

Did it hurt you inside when you found out she was pregnant? Why? Have you ever had a girlfriend?

I did confront myself and that's why I posted because I came to the conclusion that right now I just don't have any anymore. I neither hate nor love her.

Yes it's not normal but what family is normal? And what classifies a normal brother sister relationship? This goes back to the thread about having to loving your family. I don't believe personally that just because your my sibling I'm forced to behave a certain way. Me and my brother have a good relationship, he's been there for me as much as I have for him even though he is living a different life than me. I can't say the same here.

It's not about me approving of her decisions or taking care of her, I know that's a parent's job. But a sibling should also be there to do some of the same when it's needed. My brother very much took care of me on things my parents couldn't. Whether I approve or disapprove of what she's done, isn't the issue to me. I stated that to them as well. She may have a great life with her kid, I don't doubt that. But I don't agree with the way my parents have let things happen in the household and how my sister has taken advantage of everything. It's my sister's actions that have led me to distance myself as I would to any friend who would treat me that way too. That has led me to want to not be a part of anything here anymore. I do think I have a right to seperate myself from that.

Did it hurt when I found out, yes but not because it was my sister but because the first thing I thought was now my mom has to take care of a grandchild when my mom has always said how tired she was of working and wants to just retire. Yes, I've had a girlfriend so I understand that relationship aspect. I just don't want my mom being stuck at home raising a child while my sister is out doing whatever she wants and I can see that happening.

[LaoTzu]

Sometimes what someone says, and what someone feels are two separate things.
You should just let your mother be whatever she wants to be. Let her worry about herself.

Sometimes, I think it's easier to just say what other people want to hear... ask yourself if they really need to know what you are thinking, is it going to be beneficial, is it going to help? You don't have to change your behavior to suit anyone; but sometimes it's just easier to let them think something 'nice'.


Without knowing the history, I can simply say that family are the persons who are there when all your friends have moved on.

(PS: I learned to tune my sister out. We share nothing in common but genetics, and I think she's INTJ... but she can't talk about anything other than her work, which is annoying. She's older than me physically, but emotionally? I think she's stuck in the dark ages. If she ever needs anything though, I wouldn't hesitate to help)

[Anreader]

Alpha wolf, are you insinuating what I think you are? Isn't it relatively normal for male family members to have a proprietary attitude toward female relatives? Wouldn't that be annoying rather than troubling? Maybe my N has run away with me...

[Necrosis]

Sometimes what someone says, and what someone feels are two separate things.
You should just let your mother be whatever she wants to be. Let her worry about herself.

Sometimes, I think it's easier to just say what other people want to hear... ask yourself if they really need to know what you are thinking, is it going to be beneficial, is it going to help? You don't have to change your behavior to suit anyone; but sometimes it's just easier to let them think something 'nice'.


Without knowing the history, I can simply say that family are the persons who are there when all your friends have moved on.

(PS: I learned to tune my sister out. We share nothing in common but genetics, and I think she's INTJ... but she can't talk about anything other than her work, which is annoying. She's older than me physically, but emotionally? I think she's stuck in the dark ages. If she ever needs anything though, I wouldn't hesitate to help)

Yes your right. That's why initially I told my mom how I felt just because everyone deserves to be heard. I didn't ask anyone to act on what I thought. I told them they can do what they please. I have no say in that. I told them I didn't want to say everything on my mind because it would cause more trouble than was needed. Family are the people who are there when everyone is gone. True. But that depends on who you call your family. I don't call my family someone who has never been there for me in the first place.

I don't know that I can do what you say about your sister and just be there when she needs you. I did in the past and felt abused and I hate that feeling. Maybe that's something I need to work on and think about.

[alphawolf]

Alpha wolf, are you insinuating what I think you are?

Most probably.