Truly Understood?

[Zhen]

Have you ever felt truly understood by another person? And if so who were they?

I have only felt truly understood once in my life...ironically, a random, random stranger...

[Pandemonium]

I have never been truly understood. Being truly understood would just not be me. That is not to say that I don't truly understand myself. People often believe that I truly understand them. Which has become a problem. They tend to hang around me for long periods of time for no other apparent reason.

What constitutes being truly understood?

As far as my knowledge on the subject matter goes; is that people only ever have felt being understood. Any logically thought processes on the subject includes doubt into the equation. Is that the feeling of being fully understood one of fulfillment and contentment with another person?.........akin to other similar actions involving the same emotional similarities?

People only ever understand what they perceive. Perception is flawed at best.

[Zombicide]

Mr Rogli, a college philosophy instructor of mine

[kazzamunga]

I'm lucky in that I have a twin sister...she is an INFJ and we're different in quite a lot of ways, but generally when I tell her my view on something, or how I'm feeling at any given time, she gets me. I'm not sure if its just because she's known me forever, but then there are other people who have known me as long who I can't say the same for. I have yet to be in a relationship where the other person gets me on all levels...but I suppose I won't be happy until I am...which is probably why I am eternally single!

[SevenOfSpades]

Yes, by both a close friend of mine, and my ex-boyfriend.

[jerr]

Yes, by both a close friend of mine, and my ex-boyfriend.Was the boyfriend worth dumping... if he had even come to understand a INTJ!

[Aurelia]

Have you ever felt truly understood by another person? And if so who were they?

I have only felt truly understood once in my life...ironically, a random, random stranger...

My husband understands me more than most but even as long as we've been together, I am still somewhat of a mystery to him lol. The only one who understands me entirely is God. Those closest to me understand me in bits and pieces.

[Harmony]

He hasn't completely figured me out yet, but he's getting there. I'm at ough cookie to figure out, because if you land on a subject I don't want to discuss, I clam up and I won't give up any information at all.

[changos]

Two friends, both into mountain sports and also loners. One left the country, the other one is still around. Even as many think we are somehow out of the media, our status of life (peace of mind) confirms "our ways" are not of a crazy person.

I have found that what makes hard for me to be understood is the many many options and variants I consider and the range of time I project the ideas and problems. (and my lack of ability to express complex ideas in simple words)

[SevenOfSpades]

Was the boyfriend worth dumping... if he had even come to understand a INTJ!

He's a brilliant INTP. We related to each other fully, but his emotional/psychological instability combined with inexperience hurt the relationship and friendship, possibly beyond reparability.

[aspen]

No, but occasionally some of my close friends will see through my actions and be able to give me advice that I can actually use.

I guess, the person who has at least had the most impact in my mode of thinking, is just a casual friend of mine.

[Sesshoumaru]

Understood...no. But I can be predictable at times.

[Shinqui]

Have you ever felt truly understood by another person? And if so who were they?

No.

[Lymitra]

Have you ever felt truly understood by another person? And if so who were they?

Depends on how you explain understanding. I have not met someone who understands me to the depth of my being, I am the only one who has the capacity to do that if I should choose to. General understanding is always present. Then there is another level in between the two, where I feel the person has scratched beneath the surface; they are deeper but not quite "in" yet - I've felt that, not often, but it's there.

It appears the more I seek something (understanding), the less likely I am to find it.

[blossom]

I have never been truly understood. Being truly understood would just not be me. That is not to say that I don't truly understand myself.

What constitutes being truly understood?

As far as my knowledge on the subject matter goes; is that people only ever have felt being understood.

I very much agree with this, at least for intuitives who have many complex layers. More importantly, I'm not sure I'd want anyone to fully understand me nor do I believe anyone is fully capable of understanding another person especially one who is constantly self-improving and re-examining.

My goal in a close relationship is to work towards a certain deep level of understanding of each other, especially each others needs, and most importantly, acceptance of the other person.

[WyohKnott]

Have you ever felt truly understood by another person? And if so who were they?

I have only felt truly understood once in my life...ironically, a random, random stranger...

Only by one person - my best friend/boyfriend. We understand each other completely (he's also an INtJ). No one else has ever come anywhere close, and I doubt they ever will.

Just out of curiosity, why did you feel like that random stranger understood you? If you don't feel like sharing, it's not a problem... I'm wondering mainly because I've had a couple odd experiences like that, where I felt like someone who I didn't really know at all understood me, but I've never been around them for long enough to see if they actually did.

[Freedom Geek]

Nope, no one.

[jikin]

I don't believe that I've ever been truly understood. Every once and awhile I think I've finally found someone who does, but then they say something that makes me realize that they don't quite get it.

Thankfully there are those who accept me for who I am, even if they don't understand.

[Zilal]

I've had people accurately understand different parts of me, but nobody gets me completely (and I wouldn't expect them to). Someone might get my sense of humor but not be able to see where I'm coming from spiritually, etc.

[Zhen]

I think "understanding" for me is very subliminal and truly a feeling. Words etc can't and aren't able to explain it.

I think it is so rare that I feel anybody understanding me that even if someone partially understands me I find that I will immediately like them despite logical negative factors e.g convicted criminal etc

I think for me finding understanding has been harder than finding love, so for me coming across a "total understanding" was like holding the holy grail.

Anyone feel the same way in respect to above comment?

[LionsPride]

Yes, by a close friend. We are so very very different, but I always felt understood like no one else I have ever met.

For me, being understood is one of the greatest gifts I have ever received and the thought of living in a world without that understanding is a weight I never want to bear again.

[probity]

My ex-fiance. I don't think anyone can truly understand a person but it sure felt that way in our relationship.

[Zhen]

re: "ex" lol...just reiterates the sentiment I expressed to Kazzamunga earlier...that relationships are complex creatures which require a whole lot more than just "understanding"! I'm so envious of people who have a twin, I guess it's hard since that level of understanding then easily becomes your standard expectation from all relationships...

[Peripeteia]

Have you ever felt truly understood by another person? And if so who were they?


No. I think it would be nice though.

[kfcdebbie]

No. Twice I thought random adults in my life understood me, but when I replied their respective emails under that premise, they never replied. I've kind of kept my guard up (even more than before) after that.
I do kind of feel understood, in a distant kind of way, from lurking on this forum though! :)

[Lucid]

I'm often surprised at how well a few of the people in my life do understand me.

[Jgib5328]

What does it take for someone to fully understand you? Is it that they understand how your mind works?

[True Rune]

No. Though some say I'm not as hard to figure out as they'd like to think.. but this thing I talk about here nobody can really understand.

[Lymitra]

What does it take for someone to fully understand you? Is it that they understand how your mind works?

For me, it would mean that they understand what I think and feel and why I think/feel the way I do without my having to tell them, and they know all the things I can never express in words. Implicit understanding.

I understand that is unreasonable, of course, because no one can be a mind reader no matter how long they have known me or how well they know me.

[rwyatt365]

I have neveer had the pleasure of being in the cmpany of another person that "understood" me. Long-time friends, spouses, family, all have somehow "missed the mark" with me.

Pity - both for them, and for me.

[IceDream]

No, I don't think anyone understands me. I can tell this is the case because of the frequency with which people attribute to me incorrect motivation for my actions. It puzzles me that I'm not understood because I actually think I'm quite simple and straightforward in what I do. Actually, I did once have a supervisor who was an INTJ. He seemed to understand me quite well within the constraints of a working relationship.

[LionsPride]

What does it take for someone to fully understand you? Is it that they understand how your mind works?

In my case, I feel the person who understands has a trait that makes them different. When two people understand one another, it means they can make different choices from each other and yet there is no judgment. Both recognize that while they chose differently, that each made the right choice for themselves and there is no condemnation. Even further, they know why the other person made the choice. Only people who do not understand each other regard one choice as being right for both people because they can't see the reasons and core that makes another person choose the way they did. Those people don't understand you so much as they assume you are like them and extrapolate from there.

It's not always easy to see. Many things will result in making the same choices. It's not until you reach a choice where you and a person think differently that you can see how much they understand you.

[dalidaisy]

Can anyone really be truly understood? I thought we were all unique snowflakes...

[LionsPride]

Can anyone really be truly understood? I thought we were all unique snowflakes...

Being understood doesn't necessitate being alike. In fact, I would suggest that being alike doesn't guarantee being understood. If all people assumed you are like them and work from that, then your right, if we are all different then no one can be understood. The truth is not all people start from that premise, or at least they evolve past that premise with certain people.

[Josephine1012]

Hmmm, I have a slightly different take on this. To me being understood, is to be able to express myself and have the other person perceive what I'm saying in its full complexity and in the spirit in which it was actually said and hopefully respond in kind. I agree with LP, that this doesn't require for the person to be exactly similar to you. When someone is too similar they make less effort to a pay attention, because what you're saying resonates with them too closely and they don't take the full effort to go the rest of the way. The subject also may not interest them as much as you are both looking at the issue from the same point of view, and so you're offering no earth shuttering information. When people have too great of similarity, they don't offer enough challenge to one another and this may preclude mutual growth. Now, I consider myself to be a fairly complex individual so things that carry meaning to me do require the other person to carefully evaluate what I'm putting out.

I think a great part of being understood is being around a person who finds you interesting (different) enough to try. I consider myself a very fortunate to be able to respond to this question based on personal experience.

[jesse]

Have you ever felt truly understood by another person? And if so who were they?

I have only felt truly understood once in my life...ironically, a random, random stranger...

Often enough I find myself overcome with questions such as do I even understand myself at times, even less do others to any extent.

Over the years it has become abundantly clear that the receiving party has to have certain characteristics, otherwise I tend to become a difficult case which will be discarded because said person has no patience to even begin to understand. This is especially demanding of people who expect the world around them to be a simple, neat organization of a few infallible "yes and no" truths. Anything else cannot be, as this would trash their over simplified view of their surroundings.

I'm sure there's few if any friends of mine who have a good grasp of things, however we put up with one another and respect one another's differences.

[Tshepospirit]

Only one lady friend of mine. But she only understood a part of me. You know even my own mother gets confused by my intj personality at times.I think I will always remain a mystery. sometimes I fail to understand myself. I mean take for e.g I like going to the mall sometimes to do some shopping. But I hate being in a crowded and busy place. it drains my energy.

[Nikita]

I would say that there is perhaps one person who understands me, or at least one who comes closer than anyone else has. I think it's a matter of acceptance and of ferreting out the "why"s. I do not expect another person to be able to read my mind, nor would I want anyone to be able to do that. The presumption of psychic knowing is not what I consider to be key to understanding me. I think a similarity in background, approach, and life goals form a basis for understanding, and the tweaks in personality prevent the connection from being boring with the person who actually understands you.

[FreeFall]

Have you ever felt truly understood by another person? And if so who were they?

Me, never, what exactly does it feel like to be understood by another.

Come to think of it I've never really wanted to be understood by another. But I will say that when I was working with a psych, she made me feel like she really listen, maybe this is what you mean, but I am not sure.

[LvHmBirth]

To me being understood, is to be able to express myself and have the other person perceive what I'm saying in its full complexity and in the spirit in which it was actually said and hopefully respond in kind.

Josephine's definition is more in line of what I was thinking. I may have to clarify what I had expressed, but I won't be judged (especially poorly), nor will my motivations be misjudged. The spirit of what I intended is understood, and responded to.

I don't equate mind-reading, or complete agreement, with understanding.

And yes, I do feel there a few people who truly understand me. But not many. Fewer than I can count on one hand.

[Zhen]

Josephine's definition is more in line of what I was thinking. I may have to clarify what I had expressed, but I won't be judged (especially poorly), nor will my motivations be misjudged. The spirit of what I intended is understood, and responded to.

I don't equate mind-reading, or complete agreement, with understanding.

And yes, I do feel there a few people who truly understand me. But not many. Fewer than I can count on one hand.


Neither do I- I think people who understand you aren't even necessarily all that similar(unless they're a twin!) I have a girlfriend who I have many uncanny ESP type moments with and although we have some understanding and some similarities she probably only understands me about 25%.

[Jed3]

Sort of. I'm a 17 year old INTJ and he's a 48 year old ENTP.
He's one of the only people in the world who I can discuss politics, philosophy and religion with, and he complements me well. I think we both have strengths that the other admires, resulting in a nice mutual respect.

[IceDream]

You know what really irritates me when it comes to being understood. It's when people get to know me a bit better and they say to me: "IceDream, underneath that cold exterior, you're a softy." That's annoying because it's not true.

If you ask someone who really knows me well (like my partner, my children, my parents), they'll tell you that I'm so slightly soft inside that it's not really relevant at all.

I always say that to understand me, you have to understand there are three layers.

Layer One (strangers, colleagues): To this demographic, I appear very cold.

Layer Two (friends): To my friends, I appear quite friendly and warm-ish. Very few friends make the transition to the next layer.Well, none actually.

Layer Three (mostly family): To my family. They understand I'm faking the friendly and am actually very cold but they like me anyway.

I'm not admitting to a fourth layer.

If you can understand that, you have understood enough.

[Maayan]

My prototypical ENFP friend understands me very well. I can cry to her about anything, and she'll understand where I'm coming from and why it's upsetting for me, even if it wouldn't be the same for her. She can correct my predictions about my own behavior, without an explanation; be totally correct and get her point across without ruffling my feathers. (The other day, I told her that I don't forgive people easily when crossed. She laughed. "That's not true at all! All they'd have to do is give you a few days to cool off, then approach you and make some sort of a small gesture to show you that they care. A day later, everything would be smoothed over. See? You're smiling! I know you!") She seems to know exactly what I need and how to go about correcting the imbalances in my life.