INTJ/ENTJ relationships

[I'm Thinking...]

Female INTJ with Male ENTJ....
I'm new to the site (hello) and am wondering, possibly from any ENTJ males out here, what you think about this combination?

I've been dating an ENTJ man for a few months, and this is unlike any relationship I've ever had in the past, but what I've always wanted in one. (He's a Bad Boy...I like that!)

In the short time we've been together we've experienced a multitude of emotions and challenges...it's NOT boring.

And I find it amazing how we think so similarly, the only difference really is in the presentation. He has the ability to spit it out what he's thinking immediately and aggressively without thinking twice, while I sit there and ponder if what I'm thinking makes sense and whether it will come across clear or not once I do open my mouth...you know what I'm talking about...

The main issue, though, is that we are getting to a point of 'taking the relationship to the next level'...he has subtly mentioned the L word (in a very matter of fact way, and the topic quickly changing ;)), and that scares me a little, even though I would reciprocate.
It's just that one side of him that throws me, his aggressiveness in being right and in control. It can be intimidating at times, but then I think "Good God! If there's anyone on the planet that can handle that then it's me!" because I know it's just the way he expresses himself.

I guess what I'm looking for is some input on the emotional side. How do I know when his anger is due to him needing emotional support, and when it's just him being a jerk? I've already misinterpreted this once (thought he was being a jerk), and I totally hurt his feelings, which surprised me! Then I had to backtrack and apologise and sh*t because I couldn't see it...typical INTJ that I am.
What can I do to bring myself a little closer to this man, who I think is completely fascinating?

Thanks for any tips...

[mind_wander]

FOr some odd reasons, I am an INTJ dude. I've met two ENTJ dudes, one in the past, still keeps in contact, as the other still working in a team. When the ENTJ makes very very strong sarcasm that means, this dude is really frustrated. You can really tell, for the very very high E side. Never take things too literally because they got alot of thoughts they needed to spit out. THe only difference between the two is the I and E. Your mostly, likely to stay calm and let the other person, who is E to go off. So you don't waste any energy, which the ENTJ understands. Both sides, thinks very similar; the only thing is that ENTJ's are much faster than INTJ's thinking because they are not afraid of anything, besides people think way too slow; you don't count.

[I'm Thinking...]

FOr some odd reasons, I am an INTJ dude. I've met two ENTJ dudes, one in the past, still keeps in contact, as the other still working in a team. When the ENTJ makes very very strong sarcasm that means, this dude is really frustrated. You can really tell, for the very very high E side. Never take things too literally because they got alot of thoughts they needed to spit out. THe only difference between the two is the I and E. Your mostly, likely to stay calm and let the other person, who is E to go off. So you don't waste any energy, which the ENTJ understands. Both sides, thinks very similar; the only thing is that ENTJ's are much faster than INTJ's thinking because they are not afraid of anything, besides people think way too slow; you don't count.
The sarcasm part makes sense...I have a hard time not laughing during some of his rants, they can be so good! ....When I get it, that is...a lot of times they go right over my head, and that, to, is pretty funny!

And I do let him vent and wait for him to finish.
Resistance is futile!
Also, it gives me time to come up with my argument...;D

He has not let many (any?) people into his life intimately, friends, family or lovers, and mostly because people tend to think he's just argumentative and unpredictable, so he writes them off as unworthy...but I see him as the most passionate and vulnerable man I've ever met.

I like how you say I don't count in the slow thinking part...:)

[Vayate]

I'm very good friends with an ENTJ girl, and we just love each other to the point that it's scary. Unfortunately, distance separates us at the moment so we have to just be friends. =/ Great, great combination though -- she's not boring like most people are, and she's nice and feisty. Got to love that. Point being that INTJ/ENTJ relationships are absolutely great, and my experience is that NTs in general are great matches for INTJs.

[Santana28]

INTJ female who was involved with an ENTJ male here.... one word of warning. If he can't handle losing control of any situation, and he's cautious about expressing his feelings for you... keep a close eye on him. Mine had this annoying habit of making pre-emptive strikes in order to maintain that semblance of "control" in situations where he was losing. It translated into the real world by him hurting everyone who ever cared for him at some point. So be careful... but in the end... i'm still not over him....

[GOD]

All things being equal, the only difference should be whether you engage with people in an external context versus with a small and closer group.

All the other things you mention are just personal dynamics.

As an example these are the extroversion/introversion type questions

Not really interested in a fast paced job.
Not interested in a wide circle of acquaintances.
You don't spend your leisure time actively socializing with a group of people, attending social gatherings.
You tend to be somewhat reserved and distant in communication.
You find it difficult to speak out and attract attention.
You don't try to get engaged in workplace social life
You prefer quiet and relaxed surroundings
You prefer to talk to a small number of people rather than a large number.
You enjoy solitary activities.

[mind_wander]

I like how you say I don't count in the slow thinking part...:)

Were not slow, its just we don't like to flex out E side, if that was true, then we all are ENTJ's. Plus, they don't mind being with INTJ's. Hey, everyone has to circumvent and crack a joke here, there, everywhere, at anything, at anyone, or even at you. Like later today, my ENTJ team partner, asked me, "What the heck was you writing to me in my email box, it sounded like your drunk or something, then showed everyone in the team." How embarrasing, hey, go with the flow; my mind went blank, due to overdue of school work, so got lost track in my thoughts. Especially, during this time, its perfect to have a great laugh; I don't mind being laughed at, as long we get our team work done. Someone got to sacrifice some dignity in order to received an overall peacekeeping within the group.

[quentin]

I have a few male ENTJ friends and I enjoy our friendships, which are based on respect more than any other quality. There is one thing that bugs me about ENTJs and I admit that it may be a product of my own insecurity as much as anything. It's that ENTJs are a bit too "alpha". They always have to dominate the room, to take the lead in every conversation, to immediately hit on and charm every girl they encounter. It's an annoying tendency. But then again perhaps it's their social dominance annoys me in particular because it underscores my INTJ Achilles' Heel and immediately makes me feel deeply insecure because I can't handle social situations all that well. Other than that, I get on like a house on fire with my ENTJ friends.

[SeekingHim80]

My wife is an ENTJ. We love each other very much! We get along very well in most situations. As was said before, there's really not too much difference between us except the I and E. The biggest thing is that she doesn't always respect me because I cannot, or choose to not, communicate like she does. I think that once you say something, it's out there. She thinks that you should say what you think and clean up later. This has caused us both a lot of hurt and frustration. We love each other, so in the end, we work through any misunderstandings.

Do you guys think it would be the same for an INTJ woman and ENTJ man?

[mind_wander]

My wife is an ENTJ. We love each other very much! We get along very well in most situations. As was said before, there's really not too much difference between us except the I and E. The biggest thing is that she doesn't always respect me because I cannot, or choose to not, communicate like she does. I think that once you say something, it's out there. She thinks that you should say what you think and clean up later. This has caused us both a lot of hurt and frustration. We love each other, so in the end, we work through any misunderstandings.

Do you guys think it would be the same for an INTJ woman and ENTJ man?

no, this is what I think about this.

INTJ's- Go and planned it out, kinda or sorta go and do it types. We are the big and small planners.

ENTJ's- Go and get it down, ASAP! Don't get it done will frustrates me, if I get frustrated, then more fuel to finished it!

Kinda a short-cut version of the way they think. INTJ's goes and plans and ENTJ's are the implements or go and do it types.

[Thistle]

All things being equal, the only difference should be whether you engage with people in an external context versus with a small and closer group.

All the other things you mention are just personal dynamics.

As an example these are the extroversion/introversion type questions

Not really interested in a fast paced job.
Not interested in a wide circle of acquaintances.
You don't spend your leisure time actively socializing with a group of people, attending social gatherings.
You tend to be somewhat reserved and distant in communication.
You find it difficult to speak out and attract attention.
You don't try to get engaged in workplace social life
You prefer quiet and relaxed surroundings
You prefer to talk to a small number of people rather than a large number.
You enjoy solitary activities.

Hi I'm Thinking - agree with God (above). I've been with my ENTJ partner for 12 years now. Aside from personal dynamics, the only 'big' difference is in the way we communicate and how we choose to re-charge our batteries. He is only a slight 'e' while I am a moderate 'I' - if we were more polarised, this may cause us a few problems but as it is we accommodate each other very well.

[deicruxified]

hi! i got an entj bestfriend who happens to be male and we've been together for 7 years actually turning 8 this 8th :) i made an entj checklist in an entj thread. you might want to check it so see the similarities or differences with your entj guy.

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[AnandaMeansBliss]

I am having trouble seeing why someone would have anger due to their need to be emotionally supported. That sounds like he is being a jerk. So in both instances it sounds like he is being a jerk.

[Solaris]

INTJ female who was involved with an ENTJ male here.... one word of warning. If he can't handle losing control of any situation, and he's cautious about expressing his feelings for you... keep a close eye on him. Mine had this annoying habit of making pre-emptive strikes in order to maintain that semblance of "control" in situations where he was losing. It translated into the real world by him hurting everyone who ever cared for him at some point. So be careful... but in the end... i'm still not over him....

I do that, but it's because I get sick of people disappointing me. I have known for years that I can't control them, but I can sure put a lot of influence on a situation. Some people (of all types) are just more manipulative than others, so you should really just discuss it with him. I like when a person will get in my face and just be honest, direct, and genuine.

Solaris added, 1 Minutes and 40 Seconds later...

I am having trouble seeing why someone would have anger due to their need to be emotionally supported. That sounds like he is being a jerk. So in both instances it sounds like he is being a jerk.


No, I do this too. I get angry/frustrated when I am being overwhelmed or blind-sided by emotions and I don't know how to express them (what action to take). This is why (as a woman) I **especially** hate it when I cry because I'm really pissed off, because it is almost always misinterpreted.

[mind_wander]

No, I do this too. I get angry/frustrated when I am being overwhelmed or blind-sided by emotions and I don't know how to express them (what action to take). This is why (as a woman) I **especially** hate it when I cry because I'm really pissed off, because it is almost always misinterpreted.

Hey, the high frustrations does fuels your needs to excel and get that done. So there is a both positive and negative tradeoffs.

[Solaris]

I guess what I'm looking for is some input on the emotional side. How do I know when his anger is due to him needing emotional support, and when it's just him being a jerk? I've already misinterpreted this once (thought he was being a jerk), and I totally hurt his feelings, which surprised me! Then I had to backtrack and apologise and sh*t because I couldn't see it...typical INTJ that I am.
What can I do to bring myself a little closer to this man, who I think is completely fascinating?

Thanks for any tips...

Really, just ask him at those times. Also you could talk to him during any other time and ask him what the difference is for him. If he is a similar type of ENTJ to me, then he'll know the difference and have some idea of how to explain it (or try anyway). For example, I have two very close friends that are allowed to see me when I am in any emotional state. However, they often think I wanted to be alone when I really didn't want to be alone with my emotions. The problem is that I am both too foolish and too stubborn to just tell them that, and my intensity emits a "stay away from me" vibe during those times.

[Santana28]

I do that, but it's because I get sick of people disappointing me. I have known for years that I can't control them, but I can sure put a lot of influence on a situation. Some people (of all types) are just more manipulative than others, so you should really just discuss it with him. I like when a person will get in my face and just be honest, direct, and genuine.

You know... he's probably the only person who really confuses me.

Yeah... i probably disappointed him on something. He thought i was the one person he could trust about something and his sister found out.. and she's a vile b*tch... and i knew he would freak out if he knew she knew, so i talked to her and we both agreed that it would be better if he didn't know she knew. Well, one day out of the blue this jealous *!@#$% decided to tell him everything, and frame it in a way that i was out to hurt him or take advantage of him. He responded by calling me up, telling me that we are "done," he never wants to see me or hear from me again, that i need to leave him alone, etc etc etc.. i basically am stunned and cant get a word in. I tell him that i never tried to hurt him, and that his sister knew what she was doing, and hang up on him.

There is nothing else i want more than to talk to him. However, this was a genuine misunderstanding and he should have heard me out. But i also should have told him his sister knew before she had a chance to turn the tables on me. Its complicated. She found out on her own... i didnt tell her. But as his friend i feel like i should honor his request to not hear from me - and i feel like he's the one who should make the first move. He kind of did recently... he invited me to his show... but then he ignored me the whole time. i dont know what the deal is - everything he does contradicts everything he says. I wrote him one heartfelt email and he basically responded "i wish you the best. take care" and then he blocked my email address.

have any advice as an ENTJ?

LOL... thank god he's not an ENFJ like one of my other ex-friends :)

[Solaris]

have any advice as an ENTJ?

Well, if he and I are similar "flavors" of ENTJ, then he's probably struggling with trust. E's like people, we all know that. But I, at least, don't equate that to trusting them or needing them, I just like being around them and interacting. So when one who is important to me appears to have broken that trust, I will often react similarly and cut them out totally (the colder NT side of me allows that). Sometimes, I wish I could go back, but my inability to figure out how prevents me. It seems like weakness, and I reject weakness in myself. I try to deal with it, feel like I have failed, and then try to just forget it and move forward, but then I hate having regret (and my nature to be genuine and speak my mind wants me to take action)...so I get confused and do nothing.

That he won't listen to you, though, is not my style. I don't know what the subject of the offense was, so I can't say for sure that I'd react differently or the same, but I usually want to know all sides of a situation. It still sounds like an issue of trust. If he believes you, then he can't trust his sister, and that's harder to deal with for some people.

[Danisty]

Female INTJ with Male ENTJ....
I'm new to the site (hello) and am wondering, possibly from any ENTJ males out here, what you think about this combination?

I've been dating an ENTJ man for a few months, and this is unlike any relationship I've ever had in the past, but what I've always wanted in one. (He's a Bad Boy...I like that!)I'm an INTJ female married to an ENTJ male and it's the most exciting, fulfilling relationship I've ever had. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I guess what I'm looking for is some input on the emotional side. How do I know when his anger is due to him needing emotional support, and when it's just him being a jerk? I've already misinterpreted this once (thought he was being a jerk), and I totally hurt his feelings, which surprised me! Then I had to backtrack and apologise and sh*t because I couldn't see it...typical INTJ that I am.
What can I do to bring myself a little closer to this man, who I think is completely fascinating?

Thanks for any tips...I thought at first that some of my hubby's comments were sarcastic or meant to hurt me, but really it's always that he speaks before he thinks so he doesn't have time to calculate the best way to say something. If he's anything like my husband, he may just need time. INTJs tend to think about things before we react, but I've noticed my husband reacts immediately and then needs to go think about it.

The sarcasm part makes sense...I have a hard time not laughing during some of his rants, they can be so good! ....When I get it, that is...a lot of times they go right over my head, and that, to, is pretty funny!

And I do let him vent and wait for him to finish.
Resistance is futile!
Also, it gives me time to come up with my argument...;DMy husband's rants are the most entertaining thing I've ever witnessed. I don't know how he comes up with the stuff so fast and he connects things flawlessly on the spot. Take advantage of this trait. It can diffuse a lot of situations if you just let him get it all out and after the fact, you may be so amused that you forget why you're pissed at him. Just let that happen...don't try to fight it. You can always discuss the issue tomorrow when everything has calmed down and he's had time to think about his outburst. It's also entertaining to provoke a non-personal rant in a room full of people if things start to get boring or awkward. All the attention will go to him and the fits of laughter from everyone else can make you feel really good about being there with such an awesome guy.

He has not let many (any?) people into his life intimately, friends, family or lovers, and mostly because people tend to think he's just argumentative and unpredictable, so he writes them off as unworthy...but I see him as the most passionate and vulnerable man I've ever met.

I like how you say I don't count in the slow thinking part...:)My husband is the same way. Despite being an extrovert, he's very private. It confused me at first because he has no qualms about sharing embarrassing stories for other people's amusement. I've learned though that those embarrassing moments don't mean anything to him. It's not what he hides away whereas I would be absolutely mortified if any of my embarrassing stories ever got out. To him, these are superficial things that don't matter. What he's really private about are his hopes and fears. That's what makes him vulnerable. If he's sharing stuff like that with you, then you know he's really into you. And about the passion...wow! Before I met my husband, I'd never actually had an orgasm from intercourse (sorry if that's TMI). Now I don't have intercourse without at least one orgasm. He's absolutely the best lover in the world. Maybe it's because the emotions run high with us (and we always keep our deepest feelings from others).

No, I do this too. I get angry/frustrated when I am being overwhelmed or blind-sided by emotions and I don't know how to express them (what action to take). This is why (as a woman) I **especially** hate it when I cry because I'm really pissed off, because it is almost always misinterpreted.It's like you stole these words right out of my mouth. I cry when I get angry and then I feel like I have to get even angrier to prove to people that I'm not sad but actually seriously pissed at them.

[luther]

Being an ENxj myself, I agree with almost everything I've read in this thread about how ENTJs work. I care deeply for an INTJ and can see myself in these stories.

When I get angry or passionate, I become an unstoppable flood of emotions that I don't completely understand how to deal with. I'm really crying out for someone to understand and embrace and love me, and most people can't do that because they don't even understand what's making me upset in the first place. They think I'm being uselessly judgmental because they can't see the (N)(T) implications of whatever I'm upset about.

If your ENTJ is anything like me, if you understand and support him, it'll de-fuse 90% of his anger. He may be feeling frustrated because he's trying to solve the world's problems without any help from the very people he cares about. Your support can make a world of difference.

But if he fails to feel supported and loved and understood, he may begin to place you in the category of "people who need to be fixed" without even fully understanding that he's doing so.

Think about what you're good at. You're a mastermind and he's an entrepreneur. You can be a great help to him if you earn his trust by trying to understand and empathize. Then he'll be very open to what you have to say.

Being who he is, he is likely to feel ashamed to go back on his decisions. It's possible that he still cares about you but has to in principle live consistently with his choice to be apart from you. If you're able to resolve the problem that led to his making that decision in the first place, he may decide to re-evaluate. OR he think you are making an attempt at manipulation. I can't say more without knowing him as a friend.

[Santana28]

Well, if he and I are similar "flavors" of ENTJ, then he's probably struggling with trust. E's like people, we all know that. But I, at least, don't equate that to trusting them or needing them, I just like being around them and interacting. So when one who is important to me appears to have broken that trust, I will often react similarly and cut them out totally (the colder NT side of me allows that). Sometimes, I wish I could go back, but my inability to figure out how prevents me. It seems like weakness, and I reject weakness in myself. I try to deal with it, feel like I have failed, and then try to just forget it and move forward, but then I hate having regret (and my nature to be genuine and speak my mind wants me to take action)...so I get confused and do nothing.

That he won't listen to you, though, is not my style. I don't know what the subject of the offense was, so I can't say for sure that I'd react differently or the same, but I usually want to know all sides of a situation. It still sounds like an issue of trust. If he believes you, then he can't trust his sister, and that's harder to deal with for some people.

the subject of the offense was an offense in itself - he fell in love with his best friend's fiancee (ME). i, being a blind fool INTJ, convinced myself that he (ENTJ) and i were incapable of being more than friends - and that he had absolutely ZERO interest in me. well, i was wrong. the problem was he waited until a week after the wedding to tell me. and i had known all along i was making a horrible mistake marrying someone i really didnt love... its a huge torrid mess. not to mention - most of the people he (ENTJ) dates are models or actresses or basically serve no function other than improving his financial, work, or social status. he doesnt even make an attempt at loving them, and usually he goes out of his way to show his animosity towards them. but it was different with me. we had what we had, and it was our secret. until his sister (who has nothing but animosity and resentment towards her brother but sucks up to him in order to improve her own social status and leech off of his success) found out the deal... she may not be the best person on the block, but she knows her brother like a book. and she played me in a time of rare weakness.

in any event - my ENTJ ended out last phone conversation with a condition - "dont call me until the divorce is final." So all is not lost - or is it? i have no clue.

i'm still married, because i really have no reason to get a divorce. i didnt marry for love, and i'm not getting love out of it. but i dont have any promise that by taking action i will gain anything better, and i dont know what to do.

maybe he's waiting for a leap of faith from me.
maybe he's done thinking about me and is trying to move on.

who knows. i could start a whole thread about my past 8 years and we'd never stop asking questions. i just wish he would talk to me... and he wont let himself. i dont know what to do.

[Danellian]

The bottom line is you shouldn't be married to a man you don't love. It's not fair to you, because you're not getting your needs met by having a mutually loving relationship. It's not fair to your husband, for the same reason, plus you're being unfaithful to him. It's not fair to the man you love, because he wants your loyalty and I don't see that he will trust you until you make a 100% commitment to him. If you want to be with him, that's all that should matter, you don't need to stay with your husband, and be indecisive about what course of action to take. The man you love will see that as a lack of commitment to him, and hence, that you are not worthy of his trust. He is going to be afraid, more than anything else, of being hurt. And he's probably going to feel that you, on some level, are not being honest with him and are playing games with his heart. You don't have anything to lose. If you don't love your husband, and if you never did, you have no reason to stay with him. In fact, you have everything to lose BY staying with him. I don't know why you married this man in the first place, but I think some of your confusion about what you should do might stem from whatever this reason is. I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but this is the way I see it and I think it will be of help to you to hear this.

[Santana28]

The bottom line is you shouldn't be married to a man you don't love. It's not fair to you, because you're not getting your needs met by having a mutually loving relationship. It's not fair to your husband, for the same reason, plus you're being unfaithful to him. It's not fair to the man you love, because he wants your loyalty and I don't see that he will trust you until you make a 100% commitment to him. If you want to be with him, that's all that should matter, you don't need to stay with your husband, and be indecisive about what course of action to take. The man you love will see that as a lack of commitment to him, and hence, that you are not worthy of his trust. He is going to be afraid, more than anything else, of being hurt. And he's probably going to feel that you, on some level, are not being honest with him and are playing games with his heart. You don't have anything to lose. If you don't love your husband, and if you never did, you have no reason to stay with him. In fact, you have everything to lose BY staying with him. I don't know why you married this man in the first place, but I think some of your confusion about what you should do might stem from whatever this reason is. I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but this is the way I see it and I think it will be of help to you to hear this.

believe me, i know all this.

actually, my husband refuses to even consider divorce. there were extenuating circumstances surrounding the reasoning for our marrying in the first place, and well.. he renigged on the deal so to speak. i'll have to fight. i'll have to support myself and our child (at which time i'm currently unable to do on my own). a lot of things that make leaving very very difficult and staying very easy. i know divorce is inevitable - but at the moment he's perfectly willing to live the life we are living, and i have few tangible reasons to leave. if that makes any sense.

as far as the man i love... right now, i'm not even sure of anything with him. what we had was so unthinkably different than the lives that either of us live to other people - i'm not even sure if it would work out between us. theres a very good possibility that i am raising his child... but i dont even want to know, and neither does he. everything between us has been basically unspoken - i didnt need words then. i need them now, and he refuses to give them to me until i am divorced. but what promise is there in that? i know that if i jump off of this cliff he would probably catch me - but after that, then what?

i guess you could say that my need for planning and controlling the circumstances of my life all went to pieces with him. i really dont know what to do about it.

see? i told you messy is an understatement.

[BadMojo]

Female INTJ with Male ENTJ....
I'm new to the site (hello) and am wondering...
One of my very good friends are a Male ENTJ, and he's always complaining about his girlfriend, because she lacks initiative. Being an INTJ that sometimes can be a problem (Don't know if it is in your case) ENTJ often shows a lot of initiative and what may be seen as impulsive behaviour, even though it's often planned in some way.

My friend loves to discuss and is very articulate in his way of presenting things. Me, being an INTJ, often sees the flaws in what ever matter being discussed, thereby driving my friend halfway insane sometimes. hehe

The point I'm trying to make, is that even though my friend is a bit bossy, he'll also listen to reason. But that's also because I stand my ground and he knows it. And I guess a mutual respect has developed over the years because of that.

Now I don't pretend to know your boyfriend, nor do I have any insight in his aggressiveness. But I would give your two pieces of advise:
1) Don't be afraid to stand your ground despite the fact that you may be hurting his feelings. He have to respect you or perhaps he'll walk all over you.

2) Show initiative and show interest in some of the things he's doing or planning. It also makes communications a whole lot easier when you are on "mutual ground".

Good luck with it.

Cheers:)

[rain]

My husband is the same way. Despite being an extrovert, he's very private. It confused me at first because he has no qualms about sharing embarrassing stories for other people's amusement. I've learned though that those embarrassing moments don't mean anything to him. It's not what he hides away whereas I would be absolutely mortified if any of my embarrassing stories ever got out. To him, these are superficial things that don't matter. What he's really private about are his hopes and fears. That's what makes him vulnerable. If he's sharing stuff like that with you, then you know he's really into you. And about the passion...wow! Before I met my husband, I'd never actually had an orgasm from intercourse (sorry if that's TMI). Now I don't have intercourse without at least one orgasm. He's absolutely the best lover in the world. Maybe it's because the emotions run high with us (and we always keep our deepest feelings from others).


Hmmmm.....I need to have sex with an ENTJ male.

[Futuremouse]

And I find it amazing how we think so similarly, the only difference really is in the presentation. He has the ability to spit it out what he's thinking immediately and aggressively without thinking twice, while I sit there and ponder if what I'm thinking makes sense and whether it will come across clear or not once I do open my mouth...you know what I'm talking about...

natch. she's the ENTJ, and nearly every disagreement is inspired by this trend. she'll just randomly pop off with 'tell me something', which means, 'tell me something about you or something you think that i don't know about you yet'.

functionally impossible to do.

'be direct' is her other most favorite-est thing to yell at me.


The main issue, though, is that we are getting to a point of 'taking the relationship to the next level'...he has subtly mentioned the L word (in a very matter of fact way, and the topic quickly changing ;)), and that scares me a little, even though I would reciprocate.

Thanks for any tips...

subtly? you got me there. when we were passive-aggressively courting (that is, we were obviously and desperately in love with each other, but i wouldn't dare admit it, except in very pointed but very layered ways.), we used to go to the bar in groups of others, and got to where i would walk her to her car afterward. she always parked on the same street in front of the same house.

she broke one night and stood on a sidewalk and screamed at me. compliments. very nice, affirming, things about the good parts about me that i was sure no one saw, screamed that i was handsome, sexy, intelligent, etc.

having some one stand 2 inches away and scream that you're the love of their life with a look of utter fury on their face is a very bizarre thing to have happen. but awesome, in its bizarre-ness.

but ditto on almost everything about the INTJ-ENTJ relationship dynamic. i find them to be spot on.

[thealchemist]

I don't mind being laughed at, as long we get our team work done. Someone got to sacrifice some dignity in order to received an overall peacekeeping within the group.

So I'm not the only one who experiences this and doesn't really care?

I have an ENTJ male friend. He's good at listening when I need someone to talk to. He rarely solves my problem. Instead, he sits there, amused and watches me solve them. Someone in one of the earlier posts mentioned how the ENTJ she/he knows make really fast connections. It's true. I'm usually the one finding the connections but this boy beats me most times.

However, he's extremely stubborn and usually believes that he's right even before we start discussing anything which is rather annoying.

[Nikita]

As an example these are the extroversion/introversion type questions

Not really interested in a fast paced job.
Not interested in a wide circle of acquaintances.
You don't spend your leisure time actively socializing with a group of people, attending social gatherings.
You tend to be somewhat reserved and distant in communication.
You find it difficult to speak out and attract attention.
You don't try to get engaged in workplace social life
You prefer quiet and relaxed surroundings
You prefer to talk to a small number of people rather than a large number.
You enjoy solitary activities.

I'm still trying to figure out whether I'm more E or I, so I wanted to respond to your list with my own preferences:

ME
You don't spend your leisure time actively socializing with a group of people, attending social gatherings.
You don't try to get engaged in workplace social life
You prefer to talk to a small number of people rather than a large number.
You enjoy solitary activities.

NOT ME
Not really interested in a fast paced job.
Not interested in a wide circle of acquaintances.
You find it difficult to speak out and attract attention.
You prefer quiet and relaxed surroundings
You tend to be somewhat reserved and distant in communication.

In response to the OP, I think that the success of the relationship ultimately depends on the individual personalities involved. If he, as an ENTJ, is overly controlling of you, the independent streak in INTJ would almost certainly respond adversely. It sounds like his outspoken nature is something you find amusing and it may serve to help you learn to vent what you're thinking more comfortably as opposed to holding it in all of the time. Both types are generally misunderstood and I'd imagine the relationship can take on one of those "us against the world" vibes. In the end, it's all about balancing the two personalities. Striking that balance while encouraging each other and not trying to hold him down by being overly detailed is probably a step in the endearing direction. Show him that you respect him without being a pushover because I'd imagine you don't want to be controlled and he would likely respect someone he cannot entirely control more than he would a pushover. Tap into your inner strength, but don't try to control him.

[intjguy593]

INTJ XY here; used to be with ENTJ XX.

Great and rewarding relationship, however her desire for social interaction--which is perfectly normal for her type--overshadowed the good things in the relationship. We had people at the apartment almost every night, even on midterm nights when I needed my I'm-hardcore-misanthropist-die-all-of-you alone time.

[moomoo]

i'm an intj female and just meet a entj male. When i first meet him i feel there is an instant connection towards him. we can talk anything under the sun and slowly i feel that i'm attracted to him.why? because we have almost the same idea, we love listening to the same song, have the same conclusion about things. slowly i start to fall in love with him just to find out he is gay..
anyway it doesn't stop me from liking him knowing that it would not be possible for us to be togather. but then slowly he started to act funny towards me. is it meant to be an entj charcter? he start to ignore me but then deep inside he still care for me. he start to not talk to me but look out for me in a far direction.
I guess that he is the only person that can make me feel so insecure. he is the only person that can make me feel that this friend is important to me as we have so much in common. but i guess if we were to be togather (if he is not gay) i guess we would be the best combination on earth.(minus his weird temper)

[Jasmine]

I think a female INTJ with male ENTJ relationship could definitely work. I had a very fulfilling relationship with an ENTJ although it did not work out in the end. He made false assumptions about me and what I wanted. The lines of communication as in any relationship but in this one in particular need to stay open.

Difficulties can arise, from my experience, when the INTJ wants the relationship to go to the next step while the ENTJ insists on certain timing. This may cause the INTJ to not feel loved. As an INTJ I can be hypersensitive when I do not feel loved and cherished. This causes the biting remarks to come which hurt the ENTJ. This was my scenario at least. Of course if the INTJ grows impatient and is more adamant about getting married as was in my case, this can cause the ENTJ to feel controlled and to become resentful that the decision was not completely in his control. Of course, I as an INTJ don't feel like I need to be in control, I would have wanted the ENTJ to step up and make a decision already.

Also the INTJ feels more love when she sees the ENTJ planning for the relationship. I did not see him planning practically speaking for the future, financially or otherwise, and so I had to stop and wonder whether he was serious.

As an INTJ I am very loyal so family and starting my own family is a very important value of mine. If an ENTJ is more focused on his career than in family than it can also cause frustration, at least it did for me.

[alphawolf]

I absolutely adore very feminine ENTJ women. They bring out my dominant and charming side like no other type of woman can. This, in turn, usually creates a powerful two-way attraction.

[Solaris]

I absolutely adore very feminine ENTJ women. They bring out my dominant and charming side like no other type of woman can. This, in turn, usually creates a powerful two-way attraction.

I'm very curious as to what you (or anyone) defines as a "very feminine ENTJ woman." As one, I have, at times, considered what makes me feminine in my eyes, and in others eyes.

[sid4wisdom]

I'm very curious as to what you (or anyone) defines as a "very feminine ENTJ woman." As one, I have, at times, considered what makes me feminine in my eyes, and in others eyes.

Feminity, as applied to xNTJ women probably means someone who wears her sexuality with panache, with things like appearance and body language. I know an INTJ girl who is very feminine in that way. Being INTJ, she is competent and not touchy feely about things.

[alphawolf]

I'm very curious as to what you (or anyone) defines as a "very feminine ENTJ woman." As one, I have, at times, considered what makes me feminine in my eyes, and in others eyes.


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Male or female, ENTJ's expect a great deal of their mates, who need to possess a strong personality of their own, a well-developed autonomy, many and varied interests, and a healthy self-esteem.



Yes, she outwardly wears her sexuality with panache: distinctive and stylish elegance. She isn't afraid to discuss it, and you can't bullshit her into hopping into bed with you - you need to convince her in a straightforward and honest manner that you really want her and exactly why you really want her. She'll know right away if you are lying. And if she is convinced that you are sincere, get ready for the big ride!

Just the way I have seen it...

[Solaris]

Yes, she outwardly wears her sexuality with panache: distinctive and stylish elegance. She isn't afraid to discuss it, and you can't bullshit her into hopping into bed with you - you need to convince her in a straightforward and honest manner that you really want her and exactly why you really want her. She'll know right away if you are lying. And if she is convinced that you are sincere, get ready for the big ride!

Just the way I have seen it...

Well, I'd have to say you are fairly "on" with that, because it's what I just did to you in asking this question in the first place. We ENTJs like to know **specifically why** and I think that's one reason I appreciate INTJs so much -- because they will tell me, clearly and succinctly, exactly why. Or, they'll just tell me I'm being ridiculous, bonus when they can do that, too.

[alphawolf]

Well, I'd have to say you are fairly "on" with that, because it's what I just did to you in asking this question in the first place. We ENTJs like to know **specifically why** and I think that's one reason I appreciate INTJs so much -- because they will tell me, clearly and succinctly, exactly why. Or, they'll just tell me I'm being ridiculous, bonus when they can do that, too.


I think I've just been knocked off my feet by a strikingly beautiful ENTJ woman... Actually, I think we simultaneously knocked each other off our feet. Damn it, there is once again the possibility of pain.

You women really know how to flirt.

[Solaris]

I think I've just been knocked off my feet by a strikingly beautiful ENTJ woman... Actually, I think we simultaneously knocked each other off our feet. Damn it, there is once again the possibility of pain.

You women really know how to flirt.

Hahahaha! We will be sitting in this thread, awaiting reports of your success/failure and its analysis.

[alphawolf]

Hahahaha! We will be sitting in this thread, awaiting reports of your success/failure and its analysis.

Sparks already flew for hours, baby... hoping for more than a ONS with this one.