Engagement Rings

[Storm]

What are your views on the tradition of a man giving a woman a ring to wear during the engagement period?

[Kisai]

My wife sure didn't get one. But then it was a green card wedding.

She's still not getting one.

[Storm]

Well, looks like I need to kick start this conversation a little more. I wanted to see if people thought it was:

Trite
Sexist
Waste of money
Significant symbol
Important tradition
Only acceptable if the male is also given an engagement present of some kind.
Conspiracy by the diamond industry
Way to tell if the man has truely invested himself in the relationship.

Feel free to add your own theories and thoughts

[Zhen]

It's a nice sentiment. I like how they become heirlooms passed down through families and it is interesting to hear the history/story behind it. I had a friend whose boyfriend proposed at the top of the Eiffel with the plastic rings you get below...I think if anything that one is just as treasured as the proper one. On the other hand I also know of a couple whose only reason they haven't gotten engaged yet is cos she has to have a 1 carat heart shaped pink one or whatever so obviously that takes a while to save for(!) I guess it's a personal thing though so all up to the individuals involved...whatever floats your boat!

[TheLastMohican]

It has some practical purpose as a commonly recognized symbol, but that does not explain why there should be a cumbersome rock sticking out of the ring. That part is a waste of money.

[FreeFall]

well i given diamond engagement rings, but don't think they are necessary, although they are expensive.

i find it so much more creative when the engagement ring is something unique other then a diamond that the couple may have come up with that's an expression of them. i have friends that have some very cool ones

[Anreader]

I want one. It shows respect for your fiance's feelings. ( Have you ever seen the movie with John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara? I think its called The Quiet Man.) These things are sometimes very important to women. I agree though that family rings are more special than some crap from Zales. I don't care if he went to Jared or any of that. And other than engagement and wedding rings I will never care about any jewelry or even flowers ever again.

[LionsPride]

I see them as a man's place marker, a "this woman's taken" notice to other men. If he wants his marker to be a tiny diamond chip then so be it, but if I was going to buy a place marker to represent my interests in something, it wouldn't be a diamond chip, that's for sure.

[Sliderule]

This is the only ring I'd ever buy for a girl.

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

And yes I'd buy two so I could have one as well...

[kira]

Although the engagement ring tradition isn't important to me, I understand why it's important to some. My parents and their peers in particular place great value on how much the man shells out for the woman. This is a culture where men pay a dowry to the woman's parents for her hand in marriage. Here's a blurb about it if you're curious: To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. The value of the dowry and/or ring is supposed to show how generous and financially secure the guy is. I already told my s.o. that he can buy a synthetic whatever figuring just the appearance of a ring should be enough to "save face." No one else needs to know the exact value. I don't have any doubts about his commitment and intentions since he's making it through a tough hazing process. :p

[Nikita]

I can't help but think of it as collateral a man puts up to reserve a woman.

[annaelizabeth]

I think it has it's place in tradition, however, I don't think it has to be a diamond. I think any stone would do actually, as long as it is durable and can withstand daily wear. Sapphires, rubies, etc.. are also good for this purpose. However, I don't think the ring is absolutely necessary. A simple wedding band would suffice for many.
I am probably unusual in regards to this, but I am fascinated by the beauty of diamonds. The sparkle, the hardness, the light reflection. I could stare at a diamond all day in different lights and not be bored by it. I think they are nature's beautiful work of art. I guess I like them for their own beauty and not so much for the more materialistic, look how big my diamond is, sort of thing.

[Harmony]

My friend got his wife a sapphire for an engagement ring, rather than a diamond. Not sure how that worked with the official wedding band. She may not have had it soldered together.

I'm not sure if I would care if there was an engagement ring at all... I don't like wearing rings. =(

[noueux]

I see them as a man's place marker, a "this woman's taken" notice to other men.

That's pretty much why I wouldn't ever want one. And besides, if someone ever got me new blood diamonds, I'd probably vomit. Or make them return it. All my good jewelry should come from estate sales only.

[Kisai]

Waste o' money. I could have a pretty decent laptop for that amount.

[Harmony]

Waste o' money. I could have a pretty decent laptop for that amount.

Heh, I think for what my ex paid he could have bought a top of the line gaming PC......

[Synamon]

It's a tradition, as far as I'm concerned it's optional. People go overboard on the size and cost, it is just a symbol.

My husband gave me one, I paid for the honeymoon, he got the better deal. I also wear an iron ring, it symbolizes being an engineer (in Canada).

[Asinine]

I can't help but think of it as collateral a man puts up to reserve a woman.

Yeah, I like the sentimental nature. But, it does strike me as being too much like putting down earnest money when making an offer to purchase property.

Waste o' money. I could have a pretty decent laptop for that amount.

Especially since people pay so much over cost for jewelry. Most run of the mill gold ring settings only cost about $100 to $250 dollars, assuming one doesn't cast and finish their own. Most gemstones can be had for 10% of their claimed value, with the exception of diamonds, which can be had for about 30 to 50% of their claimed value (market manipulation). Setting the stones is trivial with the right tools and some care and patience, provided additional smith work is not required. The only issue is with small time shops, because the merchandise may not move for years, taking up space.

So, just remember when that department store has all their jewelry for 60 to 80% off, they are still making money.

[rewhu]

...if someone ever got me new blood diamonds, I'd probably vomit. Or make them return it.

The past two years I've been to a total of 15 weddings (15!!). I've wondered how many of the couples purchased brand new, mined diamonds, and if those couples are aware of the controversies surrounding diamond mining.

Out of the couples that I know well I'd say that that are very appearance orientated and wouldn't settle for anything less than a new diamond that wasn't created in a lab. These are the type of people who want you to know exactly how much they spent, the quality of the stone, etc.
Why do I care?

To the best of my knowledge, they had all purchased engagement and wedding rings.

[Rudy]

That's pretty much why I wouldn't ever want one. And besides, if someone ever got me new blood diamonds, I'd probably vomit. Or make them return it. All my good jewelry should come from estate sales only.

Sorry, but even if you buy from estate sales only, you're still reducing the number of diamonds on the market, and thus driving up the demand and price for blood diamonds. Econ 101. The only way to avoid this is to avoid buying diamonds from anyone.

[Anreader]

who wants a new ring? If i want a new ring i can buy my own. And I don't see it as a caveman type thing but it does symbolize how much he thinks you are worth and thats why I want a family ring. Its symbolic of his trust you will be staying in the family. You dont give floozies the family jewels. You buy their rings from QVC.

[ElstonGunn]

I figured the purpose of engagement rings was to mark a woman as taken prior to the actual marriage. Given the general sociological pattern of men being required to do all the pursuing from start to finish, it would be useless for men to have engagement rings. It'd be like bringing mittens to Hawaii, or building a fortress in a pacifistic society.

[Anreader]

I never said I was giving him one. And I don't care if I'm marked or not. It's not as though I will continue looking.

[Zhen]

LOL I am so amused by the discussion...so INTJ?!!

let's not forget, it's all about sentiment - major life event...

[LionsPride]

Interesting. Sentiment. Does anyone else see something not quite right about a one way exchange of significant material items for the sake of sentiment?

I should clarify. My feelings only apply to relationships where the woman expects a ring and doesn't give any thought to its cost to the giver except in evaluating her own value. There is an expectation that she "deserves it" when generally, up to that point the relationship was equally undertaken. Showing you love someone with gifts is not wrong, but having them accept them as "deserved" makes me squirm.

[OneHertz]

I definitely think it is important and will be giving one. It should be ~3 months of the guy's salary IMO. It just shows you are serious...

[dalidaisy]

Sentiment? Pfft! It's silly to me. I've received quite a few & I've always been at a loss as to what to make of it. Silly rituals like baptisms, engagements & weddings just confuse me. But, then again, promises don't really make sense to me either. Why waste the money on something material that means you are bound to another person? You either stick with them or you don't. Do you really need a ring to remind you of your vow? *sigh* Lots of things people do confound me...

[intjdude]

This is the only ring I'd ever buy for a girl.

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

And yes I'd buy two so I could have one as well...


Good one dude ;D
I'm pretty sure you'll never make it to the altar


i'm a rebel and the expectation of a ring is a big turnoff... and if it's followed by 'i want a house' her ass will be out on the street the next day... haha..

But if i consult my inner buddha, the ring with the highest value is the one with no value.

[Maja]

With all due respect to any expressed feelings and opinions, what with the whole point being that it's a private matter between you and this other person symbolizing whatever you yourselves feel, I think it's sort of missing the point to equate feeling with money, whether it's involved or not.

It's not the form of the thing, or the money, or the saving of the money, or the tradition that matters. These things might play into someone's expression, but the expression is different for everyone. What matters is how each person is making their feelings known and felt to the other person, and if what seems right to you is not to an outsider, that's just the way it is. If an outsider thinks a ring means something you don't, that's probably to be expected - because they are personal symbols. Their symbol doesn't have anything to do with you, the same as your private expression has nothing to do with them.

What I'm trying to say is that there are a series of valid reasons a diamond ring might have become a part of the major tradition, but the diamond ring itself is not the tradition, or the point of the expression. It's also not the point that anything less expensive costs less money. What is incorrect, in my point of view, although YMMV, is if people take the exchange less than seriously and don't put themselves into whatever they are professing. The idea of this sort of exchange being sacred is about being true to yourself (not doing something because someone told you it was a sacred thing to do, or the correct thing to do, and This is How You Do It), and that not being true to yourself is a great failure.

Looking at it like that, if you feel that a ring is not a comfortable symbol of feeling in your relationship, you shouldn't use it, and choose a more appropriate idea.

The idea of a person physically working in order to literally put themselves into the feeling they will express to their beloved is valid in a certain place, if that is what serves you in your situation. Right now, however, that expression has been tainted because people can put their entire wedding, plus rings, on credit. The underlying meaning to the action is lost.

[Anreader]

ok I agree with Maja in that the participants decide what is appropriate. But I think I should warn yall that here in TN you should, in the very least, offer the girl a ring. If someone asked me to marry them and brought no ring and didn't even mention one, we'd be through. At that point in a relationship you should know what they want and if you don't... You should err on the side of tradition.

[zilla]

I wear an engagement ring and my wedder... it was always my intention to only have the wedding band however the tradition was important to my husband and he wanted me to have something special. It's a beautiful ring and although I'm not a huge jewellery wearer I adore the thought process and intention behind it... it's a sweet sentiment

[floramacivor]

I love the sparkle and beauty of diamonds, so I wanted one. I chose it - it was a small, low-set diamond (I didn't want it catching on anything) - the whole ring is small. As it turns out, I only like wearing one ring at a time, so it's either that diamond engagement ring, or my wedding band, never both. Every so often, I'll switch.

I've seen moissanite (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.), and it has more sparkle than a diamond - does anyone know how that affects the diamond market?

[thod]

I can understand the 'marker' concept, where the male is hoping to indicate to rival males that this one is taken. Yet I dont agree to its effectiveness. The other males couldn't care less about other mens claims and will try their luck anyhow, if they are interested. All that matters to them is if she responds to their advances. I guess the males could see it as signal to not waste the effort and pursue easier picking elsewhere. Yet males do not expend much effort beyond the initial advance unless the female favors them.

The question to my mind would be what the female gets out of it. If she has a partner and is not seeking further attention then you would expect her to display a false signal by wearing such a ring. The absence of such would indicate to her current partner that she does not take him seriously and is seeking a replacement partner. Males often assume that female displays are aimed to wards them. This is not the case, they are more likely to be indicators to other females. The wearing of such a ring would be to say to other females 'Look I am desirable and I have managed to attract a mate' raising her status, especially amongst her single colleagues.

[Anreader]

I agree that this is mostly a signal to other females.I agree with this...
The wearing of such a ring would be to say to other females 'Look I am desirable and I have managed to attract a mate' raising her status, especially amongst her single colleagues.
But also it signals, "My man has more money than your man," signaling that the woman is better at attracting a mate, that her mate is more dominant than other men, that her man is more caring of her than others, and other less common things.
It also signals her mate that she cares about their relationship and isn't ashamed of her relationship with him. And signals to other men the dominance of her mate.

[lamplighter]

To me an engagement ring is just a acceptance of an offer of marriage if she accepts the ring, but I've seen plenty of engagements fall apart, and I would never ask for the ring back since it was a gift, so I think past a certain point based on income an engagement ring is a waste of money. I'd rather spend more on a nice wedding band instead. But for an engagement ring I'd get something that incorporates her birthstone or if she has a particular preference of color get her something unique that the color shows up in, but I wouldn't save up money for the whole year to buy her the biggest diamond I could afford. I might spend extra and get something in which the diamond was a unique color like blue or orange, but then I'm sure I could find something else that looks just as good that didn't cost as much and was much bigger. I can't believe how much people pay for these tiny little diamonds that you have to look at with a magnifying glass to see. There's a plethora of color in semiprecious gemstones out there, I would think something unique that no one else had would be more desirable than a tiny little colorless crystal.

[Josephine1012]

I have to agree with the poster who said this matter is one of personal preference and something that is between the two people who are getting engaged. Traditionally, the reason that the ring is priced so highly is to show that the man has serious intentions. I don't know how applicable this tradition is in today's world, but that was the spirit this was intended in.

On a personal note, during one of my previous relationships the possibility of marriage was discussed for several months along with the plan to purchase a pricey ring. I think my realizing the investment of money that was about to be made into the relationship made me reevaluated more carefully whether or not the relationship was right for me. It made things significantly more serious for me and snapped me out of my usual la la land attitude. I gave the possibility of marriage a lot more consideration and thought from a practical perspective. I think this may work both ways, when a guy has to consider going through investing a large sum of money and going through the saving process for that purpose he may consider the possibility of life long commitment more carefully.

I don't know if my theory is fully accurate, but that's how it ended up working for me.

[daydreamer]

i didn't need one, or a wedding ring for that matter. but then again, i put off marrying until i realized that it might be actually insulting/disrespectful to my SO. since i love him, i didn't want him to question that i did... so we married. he doesn't wear a ring either. we know we're married.

[intjdude]

It's the social pressure on engagement rings and all the other materialistic things about it that make it a big turnoff.

For instance, Debeers ads on "A diamond is forever".
I can't help but think "Yessss, but your marriage isn't"... that's the problem ;D

I know its twisted but i can't help it

[Headcase]

My view is that if the receipt of gifts is your partner's 'love language' but it just seems like an unnecessary hassle to you, then it pays to be aware that the other person views the act of giving as an act of love. If gift giving is one of their languages, then giving them a ring helps them know that you love them. As irrational as that seems, if we want successful relationships, we need to speak our spouse's language. Saying "I love you" is meaningless to some people.

[Lucid]

I think it would be ok. I might be a little disappointed if I didn't get a ring actually, although I wouldn't really care what kind. I absolutely wouldn't want a diamond though. Both for ethical reasons (as has been mentioned elsewhere) and because that's what EVERYONE has.

I'd like a moissanite because they're pretty and they appeal to the geek in me (it comes from meteors? Sweet!) or a star sapphire. Sapphire is my birth stone and I have a thing about stars. Either real or manufactured is fine. Manufactured makes more sense because it's cheaper.

But I'd be happy with the plastic decoder ring too. That'd be awesome, actually. Or a big cheesy purple plastic one.

[Cairech]

The important question here is, What does the woman want? If you're considering marrying a person, it is important to spend a great deal of time learning about them and getting to know them. This is an on-going process.

If your sweetie is traditionalist, who has pearl earrings, tailored clothes, ordinary car, and all those other hallmarks of traditional style, then you probably would want to buy a traditional diamond ring when preparing to propose.

If your sweetie is a hippie who doesn't shave and wears handmade and hand-dyed clothes, a diamond ring isn't likely to impress her.

I would suggest that you pay a lot of attention to the jewelry she does wear. Study it, make sketches or take photos. Then go to your jeweler and find someone who will listen to you and helps you find a style that fits in with your intended's style.

No idea if this is what the inquirer was looking for. If the question is more along the lines of, Do you think diamond engagement rings are good tradition, I'd say heck no. I think it's a huge, boring waste of money. If you're planning on marrying, start a savings account, for pete's sake. You'll need it if you intend to start a household.

Oo, my inferior S is showing!

[Lucid]

Or you could just go and pick one out with her.

[Sliderule]

But I'd be happy with the plastic decoder ring too. That'd be awesome, actually. Or a big cheesy purple plastic one.

They weren't lying to me, there really is someone for everyone~!

:lovestruck::loveeyes::love::wacky:

For you Lucid.

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. know what I said, but damn it I'm in love!

[Lucid]

They weren't lying to me, there really is someone for everyone~!

:lovestruck::loveeyes::love::wacky:

For you Lucid.

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. know what I said, but damn it I'm in love!

ATo view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.! ;D

[Tahte]

Platinum. Bezel set. Princess cut. 2 carats.
Stone could be CZ - I can't tell the difference.

[ElstonGunn]

I definitely think it is important and will be giving one. It should be ~3 months of the guy's salary IMO. It just shows you are serious...

The way I see it, it just says that he's willing to spend a lot of money on you, which implies that he's serious. I see a difference between what it shows and what that display might mean. But maybe that's kind of pedantic or something.


If someone asked me to marry them and brought no ring and didn't even mention one, we'd be through. At that point in a relationship you should know what they want and if you don't... You should err on the side of tradition.

That seems kind of rash to me. If I asked someone to marry me without presenting a ring at that time, and she called it off because of that, I'd thank her for saving me forty or fifty (or more likely, five or ten) unhappy years.


My view is that if the receipt of gifts is your partner's 'love language' but it just seems like an unnecessary hassle to you, then it pays to be aware that the other person views the act of giving as an act of love. If gift giving is one of their languages, then giving them a ring helps them know that you love them. As irrational as that seems, if we want successful relationships, we need to speak our spouse's language. Saying "I love you" is meaningless to some people.

That's probably a big part of the differing views on this subject. It's kind of like how some people view sex as some kind of soul-melding experience, and other people see it as physical gratification.


Or you could just go and pick one out with her.

That can be tricky, though. You run the risk of getting a response anywhere between, "Oh, how romantic to pick one out together," to "Geeze, if you're going to put that little thought into it, why don't you just give her some money and tell her to pick herself out somethin' nice?"


Platinum. Bezel set. Princess cut. 2 carats.
Stone could be CZ - I can't tell the difference.

What about the other two C's? Would you rather have a big yellow-ish diamond with rough surfaces, or one that's smaller but perfectly clear and flawless in clarity? Just curious about how important size is to women. (:p)

[Nikita]

Here's my idea of a ring:

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

It is my personal belief that trinkets are not necessary to show devotion. Even if out in public, I am more than capable of brushing off unwanted attention and I don't need a ring to facilitate that. Your bond should be strong enough to survive without accoutrements. If you can't trust your spouse to be faithful to you without a ring on his finger, then it doesn't bode well for your marriage. And if you need some sort of material object as proof of his devotion to you, it doesn't say much for your character.

[Lucid]

That can be tricky, though. You run the risk of getting a response anywhere between, "Oh, how romantic to pick one out together," to "Geeze, if you're going to put that little thought into it, why don't you just give her some money and tell her to pick herself out somethin' nice?"

Well, I'd think that if you were going to propose to a woman you're probably know how she'd react to it. And who cares what anyone else thinks.

[HeyZeus]

I think it is best that if the intended wants a ring, that the other respect that need and comply. I don't think it's an issue to be absolute on.

[Callistemon]

I'd want an engagement ring- the traditional type (ie preferably not plastic!). It wouldn't be as a status symbol though, and I wouldn't care how much it cost or what the quality of the stone was.

I'd prefer to have engagement and wedding rings than to have a big wedding.

Sometimes if I go out and don't want to be hassled I'll put a ring on my wedding finger. It works well and saves me having to feel awkward.

[azelismia]

I definitely think it is important and will be giving one. It should be ~3 months of the guy's salary IMO. It just shows you are serious...


it's a terrible investment. you spend that 3-15 grand depending on what you make and as soon as you pay out that money for it 90% of the value is gone. cars have more value, what about the engagement car? I think it makes sense.

When I got married My ex presented me with a very cheap diamond ring. we got married and exchanged bug rings at the alter (plastic with bugs inside) and then got tattooed wedding rings. All bases were covered. I agree with the idea that a engagement ring just is a place holder so to speak. a lot of women really like expensive presents and jewelery, it's just that SJ thing. I don't understand it but WTF yah know? they are aliens. I don't feel strongly towards them one way or another. I don't like diamonds never have. they are boring. I prefer alexandrite, opal, star sapphire and that sort of thing. I REALLY regret the tattooed wedding rings though, there were SOOO many clues that I shouldn't have married him. lol.. I thought it was a terrible idea at the time.

[Undead Bonzi]

Interesting thoughts of diamond rings:

#1. The irony is that most of the 'Diamond Wedding Ring' tradition was a sales ploy cooked up and perpetuated by the dealers. A fair time ago such rings were made from a number of different stones (Sapphires, Rubies, Emeralds) which are actually more rare than diamonds in geologic terms and technically should be more valuable as precious stones (diamonds have more business on the tips of oil rig drills and cutting saws than they do on jewelry). The greatest irony is the entire diamond industry is artificially inflated and supported by the dealers as dictated to a males penis via the fluttering heart and spreading legs of a girl being offered a chunk of fairly common and sparkly carbon. If your future wife wants a diamond go out and buy here a set of diamond tipped carbide drill bits and see what she says.

#2. The hilarity of a girl refusing to marry a man she supposedly loves because he doesn't buy here something of no practical value. Prostitutes typically demand to be paid up front too, but at least the cash they demand doesn't devalue as fast as a ring.

#3. Some say it is proof of investment in the relationship but how many guys would still get rejected if they offered to put the same amount to the down payment on a house in place of a ring. Most likely a fair number.

My own thought is that I don't mind buying the ring but I would like it to be something unique and meaningful for both of us, not a object of social status dictated by a long going advertising campaign. My own feeling is that time and place of presentation is a far more worthy expense to be paid than the ring and as others have said, if the girl was going to refuse to marry me without a ring I would know that I had not found a keeper in the first place.

[Chisos]

It is total B.S.

A conspiracy by the retailers to get money from guys.

A gold band would be just fine.

First, a baby sitter stole the wedding/engagment ring that I gave my wife (cost about $3000, and when it was stolen, it was worth about $10,000).

Then, last year my wife hocked the new wedding ring to get about $800.00 to buy clothes and wine. And she never got the "new" $8000.00+ ring out of hock, because we were dang near penniless at the time, so it is gone forever.

Screw sentiment. It's just jewelry.

Put the money into real estate.

Or better yet, spend some of the money on personality testing and counseling to find out about the true nature of the person you intend to marry.

She is now wearing a $25.00 CZ from Target.

If I had proposed that she wear a $25.00 CZ 22 years ago (or, for that matter anything significantly less than the ring that she got), then she would not have married me.

Hmmmmmmmm!

[Merle]

If I ever get engaged and married, I'd like an engagement ring, I'd design it myself and get a friend to make it for me, I'm not interested in the "this item is reserved for..." proprietary male connotations the whole tradition gives off... but see it as a lasting and tangible reminder of that point in your life where you decided that you wanted to take a leap and totally share it with someone else. Jewellery as rite of passage symboliser is pretty much old as the hills and I'd like it to be in that tradition.

A good friend of mine got engaged recently, she's an artist, and her fiance gave her a beautiful sapphire for her to make whatever ring she wanted with. I thought that was rather lovely.

[BostonIan]

...we got married and exchanged bug rings at the alter (plastic with bugs inside)...

"Bug rings", I've never heard that term - insects or tracking devices?

On topic: if I was rich, I'd buy an expensive ring, running off of the theory that an ostentatious display of wealth makes a woman more secure and fertile. If I didn't have the money, I wouldn't fake it by spending over my head. I like the idea of making a ring myself. Or I could just as easily not buy a ring at all.

[Anreader]

Originally Posted by Anreader
If someone asked me to marry them and brought no ring and didn't even mention one, we'd be through. At that point in a relationship you should know what they want and if you don't... You should err on the side of tradition.


That seems kind of rash to me. If I asked someone to marry me without presenting a ring at that time, and she called it off because of that, I'd thank her for saving me forty or fifty (or more likely, five or ten) unhappy years

I said if one was not given or mentioned I think a ring is important in terms of tradition. Not as some kind of ridiculous selfcentered attempt at stripping the man of his hard earned money. I make my own money. I just think that you should respect your girlfriends thoughts on the matter, and if you haven't asked, follow tradition. In terms of sentiment, these things are important. When you're a woman and you announce your engagement the first thing people ask is, "Can I see the ring?" You seem like an ass if you haven't given her one. Just think about it. You seem like a greedy SOB. At the very least buy a diamonique. This one is $44.50.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.$usmedium$

[daydreamer]

When I got married My ex presented me with a very cheap diamond ring. we got married and exchanged bug rings at the alter (plastic with bugs inside) and then got tattooed wedding rings.

I REALLY regret the tattooed wedding rings though, there were SOOO many clues that I shouldn't have married him. lol.. I thought it was a terrible idea at the time.

ha ha ! bug rings is hilarious... too bad about the tattoo rings, i think that is a great idea. probably the only tattoo i'd consider getting.





daydreamer added to this post, 3 minutes and 41 seconds later...

Originally Posted by Anreader
When you're a woman and you announce your engagement the first thing people ask is, "Can I see the ring?" You seem like an ass if you haven't given her one. Just think about it. You seem like a greedy SOB. At the very least buy a diamonique. This one is $44.50.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.$usmedium$


when i announced my upcoming nuptials, the first thing my mother said was, do i have to come? lol. my boss at the time said, does this mean you're not coming into work that week? i don't think a single person asked to see "the ring."

[Tyrant Soup]

I can understand the symbolism, but donating 3 mo salary to a rich corporation seems like a foolish way to make a statement.

[stephante]

I want one. It changes the whole dynamic of the relationship.

I like the idea that at some point, the guy is going to put a ring on my finger and it changes all talk from "If we get married" to "When we get married". My boyfriend and I are pretty sure we'll get married someday, but until he puts a ring on my finger, I won't really believe it. Self-preservation and all. It's the same for him. Until he puts it on my finger, he hasn't made a REAL commitment to me. (And let this not turn into a commitment argument. I know he has made real commitment just by being with me, an XNFP.)

Yes, I know, the guy is paying for the ring. I get that.

But traditionally the girl (and family) is going to pay for the wedding.

I wouldn't want a ring that put my boyfriend back three months in salary. That's ridiculous. I don't even care if it's a diamond. I think diamonds are a bit flashy, but the important thing is that he picks it for me.

[Storm]

Aw, stephante, the first person to think the ring itself is important and necessary to bring the relationship from mere marriage contemplation to Engagement Period. (Only took 59 post, but that's what I get for starting this topic on the INTJf)
What if, instead of a ring, you and your boyfriend had a little engagement ceremony? or officially announced the engagement at a formal gathering. Would this be enough in your mind? Or is the physical presentation of the traditional jewelry necessary? And if so, why?

Note: I started this topic because even as a young child I found the whole tradition weirdly fascinating. Suchly, I am throughly interested in whatever anyone has to say on the topic. Please do not perceive my inquiries as attacks, but merely inquiries.

[floramacivor]

At the very least buy a diamonique. This one is $44.50.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.$usmedium$

Who could wear such a cumbersome thing? That would catch on everything.

[zibber]

Or better yet, spend some of the money on personality testing and counseling to find out about the true nature of the person you intend to marry.

I LOVE this line.


If someone asked me to marry them and brought no ring and didn't even mention one, we'd be through. At that point in a relationship you should know what they want and if you don't... You should err on the side of tradition.

No offense, but I really had a good laugh over this. You would end a relationship that had reached the point of a marriage proposal, all because of a now arbitrary tradition. That is pathetic.

When you're a woman and you announce your engagement the first thing people ask is, "Can I see the ring?" You seem like an ass if you haven't given her one. Just think about it. You seem like a greedy SOB.

Wow. Has the judgment of nosy acquaintances ever been justification for anything? This logic would have me neurotically trimming my lawn and fixing my hair everyday, to prevent from somehow straying slightly from stringent traditions. Give me a break.

[smashy]

I don't give a damn to engagement rings. I'm engaged at the moment but I don't want my fiance spending a stupid ammount of money in something to show off to other people. I'm happy that we have a honest and loving relationship and we don't need those things.

In my last job I was tormented by some girls because I'm engaged and I don't have a ring on my finger. One of them, my manager by the way, was also engaged and has this huge rock on her finger that cost a fortune. Then one day at a work dinner she said that she wants to have kids straight away and her fiance doesn't so she's thinking in lying to him, stop taking the pill and get pregnant. I was shocked to hear this and happy to know that I don't have a huge rock on my finger but I don't have this kind of crap relationship.

I must also say that I don't like to wear rings, I never dreamed with a wedding day or a white dress or any of those girlie things. I just want to have a romantic, small intimate wedding and marry my soulmate, that's it.

[stephante]

Hmmm... a ceremony or formal gathering.

No, I think it's definitely the ring. I think a ceremony is a cool idea, and might work really well for some couples, but there is something about having a ring on my finger.

Part of it is my own *sigh* traditional tendencies. I'm not saying I want to sit at home eating bon bons, vacuuming in heels, cooking a dinner for my hubby who is bringing home the bacon. I'm all for both of us working as necessary, and even look forward to the possibility of supporting him if he decides to go back to law school. But there is something about the simple traditions and symbols, like an engagement ring, that I really find important to a relationship.

It's the same reason I want a wedding. Neither the ring or the wedding has to be expensive or extravagant, but they are both traditional symbols of people dedicating their lives to each other. Without those symbols, I wouldn't feel like the occasion had been celebrated/respected. Not much more than a civil union.

(For the record, this is one of the main reasons I support gay marriage.)

My dad gave my mom a solid ivory engagement ring. He was a missionary in Africa, so ivory is something he had. I don't expect the same, obviously, but I like the idea of the ring being symbolic without being flashy.

I feel like I've answered this in circles, but I hope those circles answered what you were asking!

[Anreader]

You would end a relationship that had reached the point of a marriage proposal, all because of a now arbitrary tradition. That is pathetic.
No i woud end a relationship that had reached the point of proposal bc he didn't respect my feelings and didn't understand how i think, proving we are not a good match. It is better to never marry than to divorce, imo.


Wow. Has the judgment of nosy acquaintances ever been justification for anything?
Is it wrong of me to want a husband that people like and respect? I don't think so. Maybe you should examine why you wouldn't agree to a small thing. It is not the price, it is the thought. A family ring is better than a 5 grand diamond. I'm stating my personal opinion, not executing people who don't agree.

[Muumeh]

I have a combined engagement and wedding ring. Meaning we got engaged, got rings, and didn't get new one for the wedding, just carved the wedding date to the same rings. I like to have a small thingy that shows other people (men) that I have committed myself to someone. Halves the hit on attempts at least. It's also handy for checking the anniversary date.

What it comes to the style of the ring, everyone has their own tastes. Mine is just simple band of white gold with no stone. Serves it's purpose and wasn't too expensive.