Developing your inner "F" (or Fi)

[brettx8]

Have any INTJs come across good resources for developing your "sensitivity" to how people feel, and improving your responses to them?

1. By developing "sensitivity" I mean increasing the speed with which one becomes aware of a persons feelings (positive or negative), and intensity of their feeling, in spite of the words they say. The "why" driving their comment.

2. By improving "response" I mean figuring out how I want them to feel, and then putting forward a responding statement that will either inflate or defuse their feeling.

When I consciously try to discover their feeling, determine my intention, and formulate a response, I find the process [Te?] slow. I often wish I'd said something different after the conversation.

When I go with the flow of the conversation, I find my intuition kicks in, but isn't as "controllable". I end up revealing too much. I find staying silent an effective defense.

And before I get an oft-quoted INTJ question: "why does it matter"? In my scenario its for business negotiations. Property developers tend to be very smooth talkers, and when they're also thinking two steps ahead of the game, they can frame a conversation in a way that gives them strong bargaining leverage.

And of course, we'd all love to influence the "F" world out there...

[JohnDoe]

Have any INTJs come across good resources for developing your "sensitivity" to how people feel, and improving your responses to them?

1. By developing "sensitivity" I mean increasing the speed with which one becomes aware of a persons feelings (positive or negative), and intensity of their feeling, in spite of the words they say. The "why" driving their comment.

2. By improving "response" I mean figuring out how I want them to feel, and then putting forward a responding statement that will either inflate or defuse their feeling.

When I consciously try to discover their feeling, determine my intention, and formulate a response, I find the process [Te?] slow. I often wish I'd said something different after the conversation.

When I go with the flow of the conversation, I find my intuition kicks in, but isn't as "controllable". I end up revealing too much. I find staying silent an effective defense.

And before I get an oft-quoted INTJ question: "why does it matter"? In my scenario its for business negotiations. Property developers tend to be very smooth talkers, and when they're also thinking two steps ahead of the game, they can frame a conversation in a way that gives them strong bargaining leverage.

And of course, we'd all love to influence the "F" world out there...

Congrats on your first step into a larger world :). So, heres the bad news. There is no easy way to get better. The good news: its possible. So, here is your homework. Every day, replay every conversation in your head and ask yourself how every step made them feel. Do this until you can do it in real time. Second, every time your in a public place you are to ask yourself what everyone in the room is currently feeling. See if they are noticing other people. Are they slowing down as they look at the girl in the red dress? :) Do this until you can tell in real time what everyone in the entire room is thinking (for a room with maybe 40-50 people). Practice makes perfect here, and its pretty hard work, and it will take months if not years (depending on what you want out of it). A warning though... understanding feelings tends to lead to having them. If your one of the people on this board who takes pride in being able to shut off your emotions, you may not want to undergo this treatment. Sideeffects are similar to sugarpill and include dry mouth, high blood pressure, and sudden death by raptor. In rare cases, some INTJ's have become INFJ's. Consult a doctor before using "F".