Loner by choice?

[abski83]

Just wondering... Do you welcome or hate isolation? Do any of you have a love-hate relationship with other people? :p

[Freedom Geek]

Let me just put it this way, I would rather have no contact than contact with people I would dislike and I would dislike most people. With people I would like some contact is great but I still wouldn't want too much.

[Rachel45]

I welcome isolation but I need to be careful with it as it is not recommended if you are recovering from the disease of addiction-which I am..Even with this in mind,I love solitude and struggle with the intense "everything for the group" mentality within the twelve step movement. I know that I cannot recover from addiction and stay recovered if I have no contact with other recovering addicts. It is hard to balance all of this out because I NEED so much quiet time to study,research,and reflect.

[Tabemashoo]

I'd rather be alone most of the time, but I need to be able to get in contact with people I know when I need company. Yes, it's more of a love/hate relationship, lol.

[KSG]

Loner by choice? Definitely.
I like being alone with my thoughts as most of the people just don't understand me. However, that said, I do have a few close friends who I need to see and talk to occasionally just to stop me from becoming to isolated. I think Thoreau put it quite nicely, "I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude."

Next question: Misanthrope? Perhaps... :P

[altoid]

I am a bit of a misanthrope at times, but I do (very rarely) get in "social" moods. If I'm forced to spend too much time around people, especially those I'm not very fond of anyway, I get a little antsy. Especially so if I'm stuck around a LOT of people. Most people are meant to be taken in small doses. :p

[Nikita]

I think there's a difference between being alone and being a loner. Certainly, the two can go hand in hand, but being a loner can happen even in the midst of a crowd, even with a network of acquaintances. I think loner goes more to upon whom you can depend. Being a loner implies a focus on independence, especially as to problem solving and carving a path, generally, through life. You can rely on others yet still need time alone, but this does not make you a loner, in my opinion. It makes you an Introvert. Introversion does not necessarily create a loner, though I would imagine there are more loners among the Introverted population than among the Extraverted one. But either end of the spectrum can develop attachments and a strong support system.

Loners don't need relationships and don't seek them out. Rather, loners are often sought out by those who are not accustomed to or comfortable with the loner's natural state. People who simply enjoy being alone might be less likely to encounter such people as they will be home or elsewhere, alone. Loners, however, operate in every social sphere and do not require physical solitude.

Being a loner is a way in which you make your way through the world. It is separate and distinct from being alone and a need to be alone, though it often results in much alone time.

As for myself, I'm a loner. It's not something I chose, it is simply who I am. Life has made me a loner, and it constantly reinforces the notion. Some people are meant to walk alone, though perhaps they'll find one other who complements their lives. Seek not and ye shall find, perhaps.

[changos]

I'm a loner by choice.
I'm different so it applies to me only: If I socialize I can do well but cannot deal with what comes next (keeping in touch), so, I focus my energy. Also, for several reasons right now I need to focus in like 3 things, so It is irresponsible from me to get too much in touch or attached, knowing I wont be able to feed many friendships or a relationship.

[LvHmBirth]

I welcome isolation by choice (think this is similar to the solitary confinement thread for me). If I'm forced into isolation because of other people's misconceptions of me, I don't welcome it. Then I will seek someone out; but it will be someone I hold in high regard, and who doesn't drain me.

[Vagrant]

I just can't stand being around people for too long. I like time to myself.

[Cairech]

I need a LOT of time by myself. But I also need time with others. I irritate myself, listening to all that thinking.

[MaleVolentworld]

Too much time alone is sad, too much time with others is sad, I need a mix, but more alone time than people time.

[pocohauntus]

I agree with most of what has been written so far in this thread, but especially with that of changos'. It's true that most people expect you to stay in touch and maybe feel hurt/annoyed when their expectations of you aren't met. Since I live life by my own schedule and cannot (nor do I want to) keep up with the social demands of others, I pretty much just keep to myself. I do enjoy my own company but I give the muse credit for that.

[True Rune]

I am an introvert, but I also could be described as a loner. I've never made friends at college. I think I'll be the only one. I don't try to make friends, but I do have them.

[brainysmurf]

I want spend some time alone, still I don't want to be lonely.

[SeaCzar]

Yes, I am alone by choice, but almost never lonely.

[ElstonGunn]

There are people I could call to make plans with if I wanted to. I almost never do, though.

[goofychick]

More like loner by nature. I never feel alone and I crave isolation more often than not. And not just from people - there are several times a day I need to be away from all stimulation - no noise, no people, nothing but some peace and quiet. I love being around those whom I consider good friends and family, but not all of the time. I hate being around people I am forced to be around (like in work situations or forced social situations).

[Necrosis]

As I've grown older, I'm learning that I enjoy time to myself more and more. I look forward to having my own apt soon within the next 6 months. Yay no human contact :)

[Shinqui]

Loner by nature.

[LaoTzu]

I second what Changos said...

I have friends, and can handle myself socially without a problem. I just feel like I can't really afford anyone the attention they might require... I choose to be a loner. (I think I talked to my friends maybe twice last year :P )


I will say , that it's important to maintain good relations primarily with your family (or if that's not possible; to have a few close friends). If you start to feel alone, it can be damaging. It's a good idea to have that safety net just in case....

[PHS Philip]

Not by choice, in a sense. I don't do all the things that would normally foster friendship, but that's just because I don't really care about them. I couldn't spend too much time with other people, but at the same time I wish I could find people who I could be close friends with, but it just doesn't happen. So I guess it's my fault, but not my choice.

[Aurelia]

I am not a loner but I do need a lot of space. I have friends that I interact with but it's just not on a daily basis (other than my husband). Other than my immediate family members, I would say that I have 3 best friends and several other close friends.

[JoshuaFairtex]

I have no problem being social on the outside, even though inside it is destroying my soul while I am socializing, I just grin and bear it and try to ride it out in one piece. I am a self chosen hermit, I come out once a week about to make an appearance so I don't seem too weird.. however besides that I just would rather be alone anyday of the week. Lots of people want/try to be friends with me, I just don't let people in because well.. I don't want to lol.

[Trym]

Loner by choice, I guess thats me. Don't know if it has anything to do with the INTJ, but if definately has something to do with my SPD. I have small, but close group of friends which I enjoy spending time with from time to time. I do however, need most of my time for myself. I find it draining to be around people over, even shorter timespans.

[darkeldar88]

Too much time alone is sad, too much time with others is sad, I need a mix, but more alone time than people time.

I second that. I need interaction with people, just doesn't have to be on a constant basis though. I enjoy my alone time too much

[thatfox]

I like my alone time, I choose to be a loner. Personally I wouldn't want to deal with people on a daily basis if I didn't have to. Typically the more alone time I get the happier I am, I've never felt lonely before and I doubt that I will. (I've spent days at a time without human presence and was perfectly content)

[Jinxu]

I NEED alone time for myself otherwise I'll go crazy. I don't think that it's just because we prefer to be alone. But also has to do with how our brain is wired. We introverts need alone time to recharge our battery.

[Mette]

I'm definitely a loner by choice. While I am often aware of being alone, I don't ever feel lonely.

I could (and do) easily spend long periods alone without taking to anyone and it's bliss.

From time to time I enjoy the company of others, but will always gladly retreat to my own space for recharge and quiet time.

[MrCynical]

Everyone needs time alone, I guess your level of introversion determines how much.

I think many of us are loners because the effort to find fullfilling relationships is too much.

[pocohauntus]

I never feel alone and I crave isolation more often than not. And not just from people - there are several times a day I need to be away from all stimulation - no noise, no people, nothing but some peace and quiet. I love being around those whom I consider good friends and family, but not all of the time. I hate being around people I am forced to be around (like in work situations or forced social situations).
Most people are astonished when they find out that I spend my days in complete silence. No TV, no noise whatsoever. I need and deeply enjoy silence. However, I love the time I spend with my immediate family, despite any noise that comes about as a result of their enjoyment of such things as television, music, whatever. So, I would say that though silence is necessary for me, the love of family or a good friend or two is always welcome and indeed cherished.

[zibber]

I had trouble with my introversion back when I still thought it was a disorder.

Today, not at all. And I mean not at all. Just go with it.

[Zombicide]

I have what could be described as a purely hate relationship with most or all other people. I'm still looking for someone worth caring about. For the most part, isolation is fine. I don't think I technically need alone time, I just don't want to be around the vast majority of other people because they're cretinous scum and I hope they all die but technically there could be people I wouldn't mind being around without them turning out to be a massive disappointment who I can't trust because they're completely alien to me as they are zombiesque and sub sapient beings. Anyway, it may be that I inherently need alone time but I doubt it. Not a loner by choice or whatever, I'm just figuratively alone.

[schwartzie]

by the end of the holidays I was so emotionally wiped. I've needed a long period to recoup, and am just now beginning to want to socialize again.

[Chain]

Loner by nature and the product of treating people pragmatically: If they don't serve a purpose, or their cost ends up outweighing their benefit, I replace them.

I don't get lonely, though I do get bored of SSDD and I do have cravings that need to be satisfied.

[Odin]

I choose to be alone, and am a loner by nature; I have become sick of the disappointment that the company of other people seems to bring in my life.

[aosteel23]

I am a loner by choice. When call someone to hang out with me, it is usually because I know THEY probably need the interaction.

I don't know if it's a typical INTJ thing, but I tend to analyze every social interaction I have until it's begging for mercy. This tends to be exhausting. So although I enjoy going out, I always need time to myself to recharge before I can try again.

[flyingtoaster]

Same as most of you. (That's why I'm here, I guess.)

It's not that I'm bad at socializing (I'm by no means a butterfly, I even lurk here, but I've improved), and it's not that I don't like people. I just like being alone: reading, thinking, and recharging my batteries.

Analyzing social interactions is probably an INTJ thing. People are hard to figure out, so they present a nice, juicy "problem" for our minds to chew on. I used to analyze each of my social interactions, sometimes pre- and post-. Fortunately I've met more people and interact often enough (and with enough confidence) that I no longer have the time or interest for it. Now I tend to analyze my relationships in a broad sense, on month-ish timescales.

[dissident]

I'm a true loner. Not only am I a strong introvert (77%) but my very high level of intuition (88%) has me seeing the whole forest, rather then individual trees.

I have little in the way of interests that I have a trivial pursuit sort of knowledge of... all the little details don't concern nor interest me, just the broader perspectives. This makes me quite boring to all but the most hardcore intuitives.

Even stuff I am interested in, I have no need to discuss it with anyone in detail. I'd love to just quit my job, take a high intuitive female, and travel to some remote mountain cabin.... with internet access :laugh:... and never return to the realm of the mainstream world again.

[ratlegs]

I think there's a difference between being alone and being a loner. Certainly, the two can go hand in hand, but being a loner can happen even in the midst of a crowd, even with a network of acquaintances. I think loner goes more to upon whom you can depend. Being a loner implies a focus on independence, especially as to problem solving and carving a path, generally, through life. You can rely on others yet still need time alone, but this does not make you a loner, in my opinion. It makes you an Introvert. Introversion does not necessarily create a loner, though I would imagine there are more loners among the Introverted population than among the Extraverted one. But either end of the spectrum can develop attachments and a strong support system.

Loners don't need relationships and don't seek them out. Rather, loners are often sought out by those who are not accustomed to or comfortable with the loner's natural state. People who simply enjoy being alone might be less likely to encounter such people as they will be home or elsewhere, alone. Loners, however, operate in every social sphere and do not require physical solitude.

Being a loner is a way in which you make your way through the world. It is separate and distinct from being alone and a need to be alone, though it often results in much alone time.

As for myself, I'm a loner. It's not something I chose, it is simply who I am. Life has made me a loner, and it constantly reinforces the notion. Some people are meant to walk alone, though perhaps they'll find one other who complements their lives. Seek not and ye shall find, perhaps.


I totally agree.

[MrLonelyhearts]

Loner by nature; Isolated by choice.

[Fox]

Some people I know say I have no friends. I have plenty of people I know by name and converse with but no true friends. I admit I don't put much effort in making them. Use to when I was younger. I sorta like being me. I hate trying to conform but I honestly like being around people. I just don't like being bothered by some of them. I know it comes off as rude but unless they catch my interest I sorta politely ignore them. I feel like a finicky kid at the dinner table.

[Nemesis]

Some people I know say I have no friends. I have plenty of people I know by name and converse with but no true friends. I admit I don't put much effort in making them. Use to when I was younger. I sorta like being me. I hate trying to conform but I honestly like being around people. I just don't like being bothered by some of them. I know it comes off as rude but unless they catch my interest I sorta politely ignore them. I feel like a finicky kid at the dinner table.

What he said.

[wendytwtee]

Haha, love-hate relationships...with my normal friends...yes, it's that way, they drain my reserves with vampiric speed. I have to recharge pretty quickly, the only exception is my best friend. She has the honour of constantly being graced with hours of my companionship. With her, it's like she drains subconciously because I'm that happy around her; I don't actually realize how drained I am until she leaves. Yes, I wither even around people I love, it's like an intrinsic part of my INTJ personality.