Do you scare other people?

[quentin]

I've been told that I can come across as too intense. I've worked on that over the years and can convincingly fake the casual, light small talk that sets people at ease. Small talk is very irritating but you have to do it. Sometimes, however, I slip up and start talking a bit too passionately and intensely about a subject that I'm interested in and that seems to alienate people. The other week I was debating some point with another guy and the girl at the table said straight out, "Stop it, you're scaring me." I seem to scare off girls I like a lot - my social awkwardness combined with my intensity is a surefire combo for coming across as very creepy. I don't intend to, but I've been told that sometimes I "weird" or "creep" people out. I think most people want to keep things light and fun whereas my natural tendency is to immediately jump into wanting to start some deep philosophical conversation. The other month, I had a girl come up and approach me in a bar. She sat down beside me and started chit-chatting, and somehow I brought up Eugene O'Neill and I kept going off about his plays, totally oblivious to the fact that I was alienating her. Oh well, like one of my friends said to me, "Would be better to have gotten together with someone you don't care about and will never see again, or have a passionate love for Eugene O'Neill?" Plus those type of environments are terrible for meeting people, anyway, or at least me. My coming across as intimidating is mostly a problem with people I don't know very well. Once my friends get to know me they - well, they don't see me as a "normal" guy, but they can tolerate and even understand a little of my quirks. When I'm in a social situation I always have remind myself to hold myself back. Lately I've been improving and have developed this thing called charisma, by constantly reminding myself to keep things light, to not reveal any passionate intensity for the geeky things that interest me and my esoteric knowledge, because normal people won't understand. Only with one particularly close friend, my best friend, do I ever feel that I can let myself go and talk to him without the reins of extreme self-consciousness.

[RoqueBear]

I don't know if I would venture as far to say I scare people, however, I have left a situation leaving other people intimidated or feeling awkward. I'm not one to volunteer too much information on a regular basis, especially when people are in the midst of their daily gossip at work or chit chat at something like the bar scene. Like a flaming train to stupidville I avoid.

There are those time though that a topic or a subject comes up that I feel interested or passionate about. I don't pull punches, I use big words, I explore big ideas, ask the hard questions and I don't expect the easy answers. Thats the part were people start to feel intimidated.

Around my friends and family, I do feel more at ease to discuss those smaller ideas. They're still complex however, they're just not quite done baking. To them, I come off as pretty open my thoughts and logic come off as just dry humor.

[Drayakir]

People tend to be appalled at me, and sometimes scared.

Heh. When I told one of my exes that I am thinking about running for senator, her response was "Fuck, God save us all!" So, yeah... I can come off as a bit scary (plus I'm 6'3" and about 270 lbs, with a mass of hair)- I'm scary both physically and mentally.

[drek996]

Scary, well, only when I want to be...
I know I have to limit myself because most people can't relate to my true nature, but I have learned to deal with the talkers of this world and for the most part people always call me a great guy or a really nice guy, if they only knew the truth. I have only been called intense by one lady (and for good reason), see still calls me way too intense about some things but at least she still calls me anything.

[Paul V]

Yes. Daily.

Take an imposing physique, add intelligence to that, a rather aggressive/defensive attitude, and you'll get me, the scaring machine. Even though I live in a violent neighbourhood, I've never got into a physical fight before.

[Duncan Cade]

Well, people who do not know me aren't scared of me at all. But once they decide to pick on me, they'll greatly regret it and pick another target.
I don't create fights, but I'm very defensive so If anyone thinks he can play boss on me, i'll go into my 'I'm nobody's bitch!' mode and I'll kick their asses big time. I like that.

[GOD]

I think I intimidate women when I'm talking to them... my last g/f apologized for lying about what she did for a living because she thought I'd be unimpressed...

One woman said my mind "was scary" (Which I did enquire if that was in an axe murdering way) No, just that I was way to perceptive and I just knew too much. lol...

I think you need to lighten up in life a bit, something that comes with age... basically you need to know all the plebs stuff in life and then when you're with the right people switch over to some more heavy duty thinking.

I think INTJs probably need to be socialised more at a younger age... otherwise you get progressively channelled away from mainstream.

One thing I'd suggest, is just saying a lot less in an social situations and start following the ques and talking about what is raised. Most people socialise to completely forget about their ordinary lives and just enjoy the moment a bit more.

[mielikki]

God, yes.
I had one hell of a time getting my last job because the HR department thought I was too intense. I aced my interview, and the department heads wanted me, so I got off with a stern lecture from Ms. HR whilst I was signing my contract.

(I hate to tell ya' lady, but just because I intimidate YOU, doesn't mean that the guys that report to me are scared of me. It's industry, for crying out loud. Not a good place for meek female supervision..)

[Winden]

It appears you're not the only one with this problem.

"You know, a lot of people find you scary", "Maybe if you took a more light hearted approach to life you'd score more easily with girls", "You're too serious", "You know way too many things, that is scary", are all things I've been told a number of times in the past.

I realize I should probably make an effort to make small talk and laugh at silly jokes - the main reason I still watch the occasional football game on TV is precisely to have something to talk about while waiting in line at the coffee machine at lunch break or in between lessons. But sometimes I just can't bring myself to join a conversation about meaningless things I couldn't care less about, like who should win this year's edition of Big Brother.

I must say it's strangely comforting to notice that so many people cause the same kind of reaction in their neighbours.

[GOD]

It appears you're not the only one with this problem.

"You know, a lot of people find you scary", "Maybe if you took a more light hearted approach to life you'd score more easily with girls", "You're too serious", "You know way too many things, that is scary", are all things I've been told a number of times in the past.

I realize I should probably make an effort to make small talk and laugh at silly jokes - the main reason I still watch the occasional football game on TV is precisely to have something to talk about while waiting in line at the coffee machine at lunch break or in between lessons. But sometimes I just can't bring myself to join a conversation about meaningless things I couldn't care less about, like who should win this year's edition of Big Brother.

I must say it's strangely comforting to notice that so many people cause the same kind of reaction in their neighbours.

Its great to know this and that about some technical aspect in life (Chemistry or whatever) but when you're dealing with other people they just necessarily share the same interest.

I'd say, take some ques off the other person and talk equally about what they are interested in and then talk about some about what you're interested in.

If you want to be scientific and techie then how about gaining some knowledge about some soft sciences such as psychology. Apply psychology to people and most women will want to talk about it. Especially the NF types.

[niffer]

I tend to overwhelm people a lot, at least..

[Hdier]

Define 'scare' and 'other people'. I make strangers very uncomfortable, and they will give odd looks and appear very nervous, until they forget that I'm their because I tend to be very quiet and still if there is no one I know around.

[enteka]

I'm surprise that it was point out that people are affraid if we are knowledgefull, full of passion about what we are talking about and actively leading the conversation. That's what most interesting people do too. I think we are targeting the wrong factor here.

I mean, people can talk about anything with passion and knowledge, as long as they sucessfully transmit this passion to the listener. In the majority of conversation, people just want to have a good time, so they are more than happy to be lead to new territory of knowledge. However, they don't want to argue about it, they don't care if we are right or wrong, or if this even make sense.

So, I think that's the fact we are looking for meaning and answer that affraid people. And, don't forget that for a lot of people, being more knowledgefull is kind of a "eternal long term goal" just like putting money in the bank for retirement or helping poor kids in africa. So, they could be annoyed by someone that know so much about something.

[robin.]

I noticed that in middle school I seemed to intimidate some of my classmates, specifically a particular group of girls in sixth grade. I was (still am) a vegetarian, smart (for my age), I dressed funny....and I didn't give a crap about them. They didn't like that.

(Actually, the whole vegetarian thing scared the crap out of a whole lot of people, but I don't think that has to do with any INTJ-ness I might exhibit.)

Now, I've learned to socialize (a little) more, so I think I'm seen as more approachable. But I've ALWAYS liked to argue, and I can spot a BS argument. I was on my HS debate team and I'm on my university's one currently....and I really have to be careful to leave the tone of voice, intensity, vocabulary, and technical language in "debate world," and NOT bring it into discussions with non-debate people. (Although I'm sure INTJs.....or anyone really logical, actually, would be fine with this.)

A girl I know told me that she didn't like that I "turned all our conversations into arguments." When I told her that disagreeing with her and giving good reasons as to why didn't mean I was necessarily looking for a debate, she didn't get it. I asked her if she would rather I just nod along anyway instead of expressing my opinions.....and she said yes. Seriously. (I still don't get that one...)

A few days ago there was a mini debate in my bio class and I completely dominated. Honestly, there were tons of flaws in my arguments, but people tend to be so intimidated by logic (or in this case, some logic and some crap that I made seem like logic), that it's just too uncomfortable for them to respond. I'm sure the vast majority of people here can completely relate to this, so it seems. ;D

[banzai]

I wouldn't say that people are scared of me... I think they they can identify that I am deeply passionate about what I think and believe.

This is probably scary if you're the type of person who dwells on dark things. Although some people are a bit disturbed about certain things I say, I believe they gain equal if not greater respect when I let my passion for integrity and good intention shine through.

When the rubber meets the road, people understand my value. Anything past that is superfluous and I couldn't care less. If, for you, this might prove detrimental to others, then they have a right to be scared.

So, I might be a bit of an anti-hero, but at least I'm not a scheming villian, if that makes any more sense. Smart and passionate people can accomplish great things, but terrible as well.

[TruorTupnm]

Hm. Sounds as if you live around some at least halfway decent humans. I don't remember ever scaring anybody. A few have called me creepy. Most ignore me, are only mildly creeped, or don't think much and call me weird. I talk only as much as I need to, unless I know the person a bit better. If I get too passionate about whatever I'm saying, more get offended rather than scared. oh well.

[edalz]

I thoroughly enjoy scaring people. It's particularly fun because I can choose to quietly blend into the background, or bring my commanding presence to the fore. Body language is a subtle way to put people ill at ease, and most times they don't even realize you're doing it! It's also easier to control a situation when you don't do what is expected and keep the other person off balance. Intimidation. ; )

[mrswentworth]

Yes of course~ And I can't control it. Really. But I tend to make people laugh more than scare them.
Sometimes I really want to talk indepth about something and then my friends just stopped being itnerested in it. That makes me sad abit. But thank god I found this forum so I find I'm not alone. Heh.

[Bossy Mom]

Yes, I have been told I "come on too strong." I know that when my temper goes, it isn't a pretty sight, but it takes a lot to get me angry.

[Solaris]

I identify with what pretty much everyone said. The difference for me, is that since I am an E, the isolation that comes with that was not comfortable for me. Therefore, I managed to adapt enough to get along. People find me personable and approachable now. I have always liked to laugh, so that helps (and people apparently find me humorous). My coping mechanism is mostly that I mask my desire to know what they know well (I do love to collect information) as a general interest in them.

I have been told that I am intense, that I am argumentative, that I take everything too personally/seriously over and over in my life. Mainly, I just think those people don't "get" me, so I don't particularly care.

[Nightelf]

I was told sometimes I'm weird but people never told me I'm scaring. Never told, but sometimes I feel they become stiff as I enter the room or tackle in a debate. The question is strange though, as I was told by my classmates just lately that wouldn't ever like to be my opponent in the future (I'm a law student). :-)

[deicruxified]

yes. and like you (quentin) i scare people of with my ideas and it's from casual talks i start that scared them off. i was accused of being a cult leader way back in highschool just by mere sharing of my knowledge about nietzsche and other atheist philosophers. then came christmas, i had my very own aisle when i passed by the school square.

college was a bit different since it is not as cohesive as highschool. i often sit at the corner and talked less. my blockmates were scared at me because most often in class i start debates (due to the fact that i contest a lot of stupid people in our block and sometimes professors as well). only two blockmates of mine had the courage to make the "first move" to talk to me then the others followed. it's like poking a dead rat with a stick to check if it has already spawned into a zombie.

work is a different environment. since you have to expose yourself with your colleagues, people at first were just intrigued 'til i started contesting my superiors whenever they have stupid ideas.

i'm a walking horror movie

[messiestobjects]

I think that "Scare" is not the usual term for how people react to us. "Discomfort" works better, I think. Scare might work if you viewed that emotion as it equates to being a deer caught in the headlights, though. We don't like bullshit, and we're exceptionally good at sniffing it. People don't generally seem to like being called out on things, and even if you have never called someone out on something, I think that they sense that they are caught in the presence of someone who can see right through them. They don't like that.

[Solnath]

By default, I only attract people. Or as I refer to them, "my little playthings." All the rest is pure manipulation. Fear and discomfort are easy enough to produce, love and loyalty doubly as fun.

I like my toys. <3

EDIT: What does scare me, though, is the complete lack of paragraphing in the original post. Mein Gott, plaything, what were you thinking?

[Diva]

'Scary' depends on to whom.
I frequently overwhelm the 'weak' ones, those without a strong mind power.
Strong minds feel attracted.

[danalaina]

apparently i intimidate people.

occasionally in the past, when a person has a problem with me and is too intimidated to speak with me directly, s/he's said something to my best friend about it.

my best friend calls this tying the pork chop around her neck.

[rwyatt365]

...most of the time, no. But then most of the time I don't engage with people or participate in general conversation. That lends an air of mystery and intrigue that the brave ones try to understand.

When I do engage - at work, or with family - I can seem to be either terse (when I feel that the subject is trivial, or obvious), or intense (when it's something that I have interest in). That can sometimes be intimidating and perhaps "scary" to some.

[StreetScooby]

I think that "Scare" is not the usual term for how people react to us. "Discomfort" works better, I think. Scare might work if you viewed that emotion as it equates to being a deer caught in the headlights, though. We don't like bullshit, and we're exceptionally good at sniffing it. People don't generally seem to like being called out on things, and even if you have never called someone out on something, I think that they sense that they are caught in the presence of someone who can see right through them. They don't like that.

Well put. Most of my life, I've made people uncomfortable without opening my mouth. In those cases, things only got worse when I opened my mouth. These days, I tend to be aware of my body language (took a long time to figure that out), and drink alot of beer. ;)

[ScottH]

I have been told that I intimidate people unintentionally. I've found certain people become guarded around me until they know me well enough to trust that my intentions are very honest. Partly this is because I seem "unaffected" and arrogant to others (as I understand to be common for we INTJ's), but partly it's just because of how I think.

My girl friend, for example, an ENTJ, is strong and confident. Yet, several times we've spoken and I've made reference to "something" she doesn't recall telling me. She'll say "I didn't tell you that..." and I can often reply "Oh, yes you did. You gave me point A, B and D, and when I consider these other things, I can conclude C."

"Oh," she'll often say, in a somewhat guarded tone.

That fact (that I seem to 'accidentally' put pieces together) intimidates some people, especially those who have a highly developed and maintained facade for themselves.

[AnandaMeansBliss]

I have to consciously censor myself in front of others. My natural inclination is to point out someone else's bullshit. I get this urge to crack a joke, sarcastic comment or something like that. It is all in the attempt to make someone think. I have to constantly stop.

I believe most people just want to live out their day believing everything is ok. I have to keep what is sacred, special and important close to me. I want so desperately to share it with people but they either don't understand, don't know what to say or it just alienates them. I understand there is a time and a place for everything. But small talk is so tedious.

I have been practicing for years so that people will not feel uncomfortable around me. When I enter a social situation, I distinctly get the feeling that I am acting a part. When I don't feel like I am acting in front of someone I know all the pieces have fit together.

[RedBaron]

If people are giving a line, I simply have to look at them and they get nervous. I've had many people tell me that I'm a little scary. It doesn't bother me that much; I'm just happy that they leave me be.

[Ribcakes]

i must say that i scare many people in my daily life.
i have a strange hobby (programming a calculator) and am basically a chemistry freak
so yes, add a maniacal laugh and people start to walk away very quickly...

[Booko]

For years I assumed I would never get married, because I intimidate the hell out of people and it seemed like finding man with a strong enough sense of self to tolerate a woman that knew something he didn't in some area of life was going to be an impossibility.

Fortunately, I found an INTP who is not intimidated.

I know I sure as hell was not going to fawn and play stupid to assuage any weak male egos out there. I'd rather be the Crazy Cat Lady and skip the marriage thing than do that.

I have learned the art of small talk (though I find it wearying to some extent still) and also the art of remaining silent and observing.

Still, I'm relieved to think I might be past the point in my life where I am ever forced to attend an office Christmas party again.

I would rather be set on fire than be forced so smile pretty and make nice with a bunch of shallow office wives babbling about a horrible neighbor who put blinds on their children's window and they weren't white and it was in the front of the house. How awful!

Horrible is when you take a walk in your neighborhood and collect spent ordinance, people. sheesh.





Booko added to this post, 2 minutes and 47 seconds later...

I have been practicing for years so that people will not feel uncomfortable around me. When I enter a social situation, I distinctly get the feeling that I am acting a part. When I don't feel like I am acting in front of someone I know all the pieces have fit together.

I try to find some common interest where either I know something that would be of use to them or they know something I can learn about. That isn't tedious at least.

Unfortunately, there's nothing of value I could learn from someone whose spare time is spent on Desperate Housewives and team sports. With people like that, I have a very difficult time.

I can only hope they have younger kids so they can compare notes.

[cielo market]

I'm usually polite with most people if I know I'm not going to meet them again any time soon. Otherwise I'm pretty detached.

So if they do find me scary, it's probably a "don't upset the quiet girl, she looks like she could break any minute and kill us all!" D:

Because all introverts go postal someday, apparently.

Only my family and closest friends find me intimidating in an arrogant sort of way.

[WavesSootheMe]

Face to face I haven't been called intimidating, surprising (as in not what they expected), but not intimidating. I think my blondish, small-framed, freckled appearance somewhat softens the blow when I put an unexpected idea out there.

...it seemed like finding a man with a strong enough sense of self to tolerate a woman that knew something he didn't in some area of life was going to be an impossibility.
I know I sure as hell was not going to fawn and play stupid to assuage any weak male egos out there. I'd rather be the Crazy Cat Lady and skip the marriage thing than do that.

My sentiments exactly :)

[Caramel]

My friends gave me the nickname 'Scary Lady'. But then as a positive, funny kind of thing. I never figured out exactly why, and when I ask them, they respond with uncontrolled laughter, so I just let it be.

[Allie]

I intimidate other people, rather than scare them (at least I don't think so). I know they're definitely confused and puzzled by me.

[DeepPurple]

I think I usually make people uncomfortable. But strangers or people I don't know really well make me uncomfortable! Especially when I am basically forced to socialize.

I doubt I scare people. Seeing as how I was usually the person who got bullied or the likely target during my school years. I'm pretty sure it was because I sought out solitude every chance I could get. I never went to recess in MS and I never went into the lunchroom in HS and I didn't identify with most of the girls in my classes.

Anyway, the only time I have ever scared people was when my tormentors pushed me too far and I lost it. When I went off, I went off! I actually had the nickname 'crazy' in middle school. However there was always some people who didn't think I was so dangerous. Quiet girl in the corner with a book in her hand, the why should I be scared of her types.

It's not that I try to make people uncomfortable, it's just when I try to be more outgoing it makes people even more uncomfortable because it seems forced and it's usually OOC. The rare times that I spark up conversation is when I'm on the sub or the bus and I see someone reading the same book as I am. I may ask them what they think of it. Or when I'm talking to someone about work and it's impersonal and quick.

[Sylvanus]

I'm usually polite with most people if I know I'm not going to meet them again any time soon. Otherwise I'm pretty detached.

So if they do find me scary, it's probably a "don't upset the quiet girl, she looks like she could break any minute and kill us all!" D:

Because all introverts go postal someday, apparently.

Only my family and closest friends find me intimidating in an arrogant sort of way.


I don't think intense or intimidating describes me at all, but I think uncomfortable does (or making people uncomfortable). My nickname at work is 'vanilla', because I'm rather indifferent to just about everything. Like cielo market, I've been told I look like the kind of person who goes nuts and kills everyone (sometimes jokingly, sometimes not). Unless someone enages me in conversation, I won't talk to anybody (detached is a good word). I don't actively seek debates, but when I do debate (argue), it is almost always about someting that is very important to me. But I don't get particularly intense or emotional about it, I try to keep it as matter of fact as possible.

I could be wrong, I'm not very familiar with most people here. But it seems like the ones that are more intense are the guys, and the ones that are less so are women.:undecided:

[axiomtangent]

I'm told often that I make people uneasy; which surprises me since I'm really harmless unless provoked. I've got an intensity to my expression, especially my eyes, but I tend to study people more than look at them and I suppose they pick up on that.

In conversation I try reaaaally hard to keep my analytical opinion to myself. Experience has taught me that most of the time it ends up being a waste of time to try to speak logic to the terminally irrational, so I resort to less sophisticated methods of debate, e.g. sarcastic remarks that only a few people understand and the like.

I’ve become pretty adept at appearing less intelligent to fit into social settings, to the point that it’s almost become a bad habit that’s hard to shake, and it's making my brain muscle flabby.

By the way, thanks to you all for being a station in my mental gym.

[Hdier]

I think that those are traits that are pretty universal for most INT's (please correct me if I'm wrong).

[WavesSootheMe]

I could be wrong, I'm not very familiar with most people here. But it seems like the ones that are more intense are the guys, and the ones that are less so are women.:undecided:

I think it may have more to do with females not appearing as physically intimidating and thus not being perceived as such. This is not necessarily reflective of internal intensity.

[Sylvanus]

I think it may have more to do with females not appearing as physically intimidating and thus not being perceived as such. This is not necessarily reflective of internal intensity.

Many of the people that did post saying they were percieved as intimidating said that they are of larger physical stature. However several people have claimed others describe them as intense or passionate, which is an external extension of internal intensity/passion.

I have no clue where I was going with this... A co-worker just interrupted me and my train of thought has dissappeared into the darkness. I'm just going to post and see what responses I get...

[WavesSootheMe]

Many of the people that did post saying they were percieved as intimidating said that they are of larger physical stature. However several people have claimed others describe them as intense or passionate, which is an external extension of internal intensity/passion.

I have no clue where I was going with this... A co-worker just interrupted me and my train of thought has dissappeared into the darkness. I'm just going to post and see what responses I get...

My post was in response to girls vs. guys not in general.

[rwyatt365]

I think it may have more to do with females not appearing as physically intimidating and thus not being perceived as such. This is not necessarily reflective of internal intensity.
I agree. (Not having re-read the entire thread) I think there were several posts by female members that implied that people don't take them seriously because of their physical appearance. An unfortunate product of the Western male-dominated society model.

[King K]

I like to scare other people, making them think that I'm the nerdiest nerd, doing/saying weird stuff, and yes, maniacal laughs are really useful.

[yondyr]

Do I scare people? Does being asked by a guy in a general chat room 'How long have you been female?" qualify?

[Pinkie]

People always tell me I scare them. Apparently I have 'a look' which I give to people when I'm concentrating hard on something, or when they say something irredeemably stupid, and this look is quite intense. Also, of course, I'm not much of one to mince my words. I'd have thought that was a good thing, because people always know where they stand with me, but apparently not.

[Cyrus]

I do agree with the Diva "Strong minds feel attracted." and also with Hdier that the traits that we are discussing here are quite general to INTs...

but it'd like to add, INTJs. INTPs tend to be more 'dreamy'. The "J" component of us INTJs comes across as cold & clinical due to the way we naturally slice things up into their component parts, usually with great detail.

And yes, I would have to say that people are intimidated by me. Either by what I say, or the general aloof, "I really can't care less what you think, so unless you have something of worth to say, please dont waste my time, cause the voices in my head are far more entertaining that you". (Btw, I had this epiphany when my good buddy told me his gf is an INTJ as well, and I was like, 'omg. I come across like that?' )

Socially, I HAVE to make it a point to slow down and remind myself that in practically EVERY social setting (including meeting new INTJs) there is a 'warm up' period, where I have to tell myself, "ok, ok, keep thing lights. Smile and wave even if you dont quite agree with it" - and pray the group dynamics tends towards something intelligent. Still working on it. There're times where conversation gets really so innane that I find it difficult to mask my displeasure.

Personally, I can't stand small talk. But recently, 3 things have shifted my paradigm

1. My really close buddy is an ENFP --> Charisma to the max. He's not half as technical as me, but he gets alot more opportunities because of his charisma. This tells me that charisma greases the skids of effort. IE: It's highly efficient to learn to have charisma, (or synthetic charisma for that, as long as people can't tell you're smiling and waving) cause for the same effort, the 'grease' takes it alot further.

2. This world is 85% S types. They have little ability for abstraction. 75% of people are Es. So majority of the world are ES types. As INTJs we tend to be in a VERY SMALL minority. Though we can prob survive on our own, it would do us alot of good if we knew how to at least get along with everyone in general. Makes life much easier - Whatever that works.

3. I try to observe myself and people from a 3rd person point of view. It's actually very intriguing to watch someone dispassionately, and trying to figure out how think based on what they say, their tone of voice, what they wear, what scent they wear, etc.. and trying to come to a deduction wrt what motivates them, what/how to push their buttons. It makes for very good synthetic charisma, cause people like talking about themselves and at the same time, allows us to use the NTJ function very adaptly.

Personally, I see my INTJ profile as something that helps to define me, but I've been working on the weakness alot, so as to not allow it to confine me. As INTJs we have alot of very rare strengths with good intensity at that. But we've also got flaws that need to be ironed out _adequately_
(and yes, HR people generally give me a "err... u're smart but intimidating" tone, but I get along well tith people higher up)

Cy

[Hdier]

People always tell me I scare them. Apparently I have 'a look' which I give to people when I'm concentrating hard on something, or when they say something irredeemably stupid, and this look is quite intense. Also, of course, I'm not much of one to mince my words. I'd have thought that was a good thing, because people always know where they stand with me, but apparently not.

Yeah, I just remembered that if I am thinking about something then I will tend to pick out an object to focus on. If the object ends up being a person (rotten hormones) then that person will usually get creeped out and little bit worried about me (like I'm gonna go berserk or something like that).

[Jezebel]

Off topic posts about attention whoring have been moved to this thread (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.).

[Hdier]

I think I scared a child who was about 6 to 8 years old. He was staring at my hair (my hair is a bit odd), and suddenly I looked directly at him, into his eyes. I'm not sure what he saw, but his eyes widen for a fraction of a second, he looked away, and went behind his mom. That has never happened before, and I'm not sure why it did this time.

[BadMojo]

People tend to be appalled at me, and sometimes scared.

Heh. When I told one of my exes that I am thinking about running for senator, her response was "Fuck, God save us all!" So, yeah... I can come off as a bit scary (plus I'm 6'3" and about 270 lbs, with a mass of hair)- I'm scary both physically and mentally.

LOL! Me too. But I'm 6'6" or 195 cm... Well, I know the cm part is correct.

But on the other hand. There are some people who are afraid of me, and some people who a drawn to me, because the feel safe. Sometimes I really hate living in these contrasts. :D

[Cyrus]

Hdier: I think I scared a child who was about 6 to 8 years old. He was staring at my hair (my hair is a bit odd), and suddenly I looked directly at him, into his eyes. I'm not sure what he saw, but his eyes widen for a fraction of a second, he looked away, and went behind his mom. That has never happened before, and I'm not sure why it did this time.

haha. similar experience. there was a little blonde kid playing with my gf in the community garden, i squatted down to wave hi and he went from a full out smile to a wail in like 5s. "?!?!? I didn't do anything" :stunned:

Hdier, do u find you share INTJ traits though you're INFJ?

There seems to be an intensity which INTJs have that is communicated through our body language. Perhaps that's what scared pple?

[Hdier]

Yes, I act very INTJ-ish (my T-F scale is extemely border-line), and the numerous INTJ traits that I have seem to be enhanced by my F engagement.

To use one of your examples, I will often seem very intense to strangers, though that usually creeps people out more than scares them. Also, though I'm not sure if this has anything to do with my INTJ side, I will project an aura of evil that other people pick up once in a while.

[Paul V]

I think I scared a child who was about 6 to 8 years old. He was staring at my hair (my hair is a bit odd), and suddenly I looked directly at him, into his eyes. I'm not sure what he saw, but his eyes widen for a fraction of a second, he looked away, and went behind his mom. That has never happened before, and I'm not sure why it did this time.

Sigh. I scare little children on a daily basis. At school, teachers used to ask me to watch their classes when they had to go and take care of something else. If any of the kids misbehaved, I'd roar at them. It was a rather sad image, the kid completely frozen and looking at me as if he had seen the Big Bad Wolf.

[Hdier]

I imagine that, if I wanted to, I could be very intimidating to children smaller than me. Actually, if I was in your position with leave to do as I felt was necessary (within reason), I, as a Freshman, could probably intimidate Seniors.

[slut poacher]

i spook people big time. physically.you dont get a chance to talk to someone when they are running away from you. as for the intellectual aspect i'm not too sure. i think that despite anything i might be saying, the person is still operating based on their assessment of my appearance.

[AntimonyLegault]

Yup, scaring others is what I do.

[cmeloissick]

I don't know if I would venture as far to say I scare people, however, I have left a situation leaving other people intimidated or feeling awkward. I'm not one to volunteer too much information on a regular basis, especially when people are in the midst of their daily gossip at work or chit chat at something like the bar scene. Like a flaming train to stupidville I avoid.

There are those time though that a topic or a subject comes up that I feel interested or passionate about. I don't pull punches, I use big words, I explore big ideas, ask the hard questions and I don't expect the easy answers. Thats the part were people start to feel intimidated.

Around my friends and family, I do feel more at ease to discuss those smaller ideas. They're still complex however, they're just not quite done baking. To them, I come off as pretty open my thoughts and logic come off as just dry humor.
LOL. What up INTJs! I had to restrain from laughing like crazy in the library when I read the second post and it said "flaming train to stupidville". Props to rogue bear.

From what I see online, we're only 1-2% so we don't fit the molds that most people know and thus we can be seen as scary. What people don't know, they fear because they don't know how to plan to react. Plus, if you're over 6'2, a deep voice and you don't shave all the time-- yeah you can scare people, get a glare working and you are gold. But I'm pretty good natured most of the time but if you piss me off, I won't strike once, I'll strike several times. I've always believed that any jerk can run up and punch somebody. But to get good emotional payback which makes somebody look real bad, it's priceless because it can bother them for a while.

To go back to an earlier point, chit chat bull can get real old. I get annoyed when I see people talk, talk, talking but ain't saying nothing. Bring it hard to the rim or don't bring it all is my M.O.

Ok, now I just scared myself. On a INTJ Mastermind rant I guess...

Libraries closing. Gotta Go. Peace!

[Question Everything]

I scare people regularly. I'm 5'11", which is tall for a woman, and I don't do the "nice" thing very well. I missed the part of girl school where we learned to laugh politely and not step on toes or state opinions.

I don't like when people repeat themselves, state the obvious, talk about completely irrelevant bullshit like celebrities, or think they can talk down to me for any reason. So most people, when they first interact with me, find me to be either intimidating (because I'm interested in what they have to say and I want to pick it apart) or completely disinterested in them (if they commit any of the previously mentioned offenses).

And occasionally I'll find someone of extreme stupidity and feel compelled to drag them kicking and screaming into the light. I'm blunt about it, and if I get angry, I get cold and curt and start biting off heads.

[Des]

Oh yes on so many levels. What's funny is that I don't even try. I can't imagine what would happen if I TRIED to scare people. I've scared people by just saying, "Hello." Granted I came up behind them but I said it happily and in a friendly tone. Perhaps it's because I tend to walk quietly.
I also scare people when they ask what I think about stuff. I'm very honest and don't hold back. Their fault for asking.
And I tend to scare people for being myself. I tend to laugh at my own thoughts, go exploring through the woods and do wierd sciency things like pick up dead animals and bones.

[BadMojo]

LOL. What up INTJs! I had to restrain from laughing like crazy in the library when I read the second post and it said "flaming train to stupidville". Props to rogue bear.

From what I see online, we're only 1-2% so we don't fit the molds that most people know and thus we can be seen as scary. What people don't know, they fear because they don't know how to plan to react. Plus, if you're over 6'2, a deep voice and you don't shave all the time-- yeah you can scare people, get a glare working and you are gold. But I'm pretty good natured most of the time but if you piss me off, I won't strike once, I'll strike several times. I've always believed that any jerk can run up and punch somebody. But to get good emotional payback which makes somebody look real bad, it's priceless because it can bother them for a while.

To go back to an earlier point, chit chat bull can get real old. I get annoyed when I see people talk, talk, talking but ain't saying nothing. Bring it hard to the rim or don't bring it all is my M.O.

Ok, now I just scared myself. On a INTJ Mastermind rant I guess...

Libraries closing. Gotta Go. Peace!
hehe, welcome to the forum.

I scare people regularly. I'm 5'11", which is tall for a woman, and I don't do the "nice" thing very well. I missed the part of girl school where we learned to laugh politely and not step on toes or state opinions.

I don't like when people repeat themselves, state the obvious, talk about completely irrelevant bullshit like celebrities, or think they can talk down to me for any reason. So most people, when they first interact with me, find me to be either intimidating (because I'm interested in what they have to say and I want to pick it apart) or completely disinterested in them (if they commit any of the previously mentioned offences).

Oh come one. We all love Paris Hilton.. lets cheer "Paris, Paris"!
Ok, nice to see that not all young females are like that. :thumbsup:
But be gentle with that verbal sledgehammer of yours. :)

[Antares]

My gaze is not intense. My glare does nothing. In fact, I've been told that it looked comical. I look nothing like an INTJ. To my peers, I think I came off as an ISFP. I laugh often, I smile, I exaggerate my emotions and I even make a fool of myself in front of my friends to entertain them. To strangers, I'm a childish, carefree and typical teenage girl. Basically, I don't scare people with my gaze, my actions or anything. I have a neat facade in place. People are often times surprised at the intensity of my anger, because I seemed just the opposite most of the time. When dealing with people who makes no sense, I simply roll my eyes (of course, most people tend to miss that). Any advice on how to glare? Because even though I'm an INTJ, people still seem to think that they scare mel

LOL! Me too. But I'm 6'6" or 195 cm... Well, I know the cm part is correct.

But on the other hand. There are some people who are afraid of me, and some people who a drawn to me, because the feel safe. Sometimes I really hate living in these contrasts. :D

Wow. That is intimidating. I weigh 45 kg, 5'3" (or 158 cm. I know this is more accurate). I have an immature, round face, soft brown eyes, very straight, dark hair and bookish bangs. My voice is soft and often times, during presentations, I'm told that my audience did not hear one word that I said *sigh*

[BadMojo]

Wow. That is intimidating. I weigh 45 kg, 5'3" (or 158 cm. I know this is more accurate). I have an immature, round face, soft brown eyes, very straight, dark hair and bookish bangs. My voice is soft and often times, during presentations, I'm told that my audience did not hear one word that I said *sigh*
Hehe don't worry, I'm a gentle giant :thumbsup:

[Wapiti]

Yes, I know i can come across to some as scary. I've known this for a while so the past few years I don't think I've been as scary as I used to be. I think it has to do with me just being blunt at times and saying what I think, which for someone who hasn't talked to me much before can come across initmidating. Sometimes I do like to play with people and scare them on purpose. I scared one person I still know today about 5 years ago. We were just laughing about that story a couple of weeks ago.

[Aureleian]

I come across as either scary or too intense. Don't know how to do the lighten up thing. If I care enough to contest something I go whole hog. Couple that with ADD and yeah its a winning combo.

[thod]

I scare people all the time and test as a P.

People wither under logical analysis stating facts and correlations. I love to wonder down the wackiest mental paths just to see where they lead. People assume you are serious in your speculations.

Lets suppose I say there are all those penguins down in antartica. You could make lots of money by heading down, scooping them up and making penguin burgers. Nobody would see you, so you make a fat profit. They are all "oh you are such a bad" person, thinking i realy intend to hire an icebreaker ship and do it.

[Vortex]

It'd probably be a very tough, greasy meat. Though with the right sauce....

..........

I don't think I scare people, at least not by the literal definition. I've found my intensity in manner and speech drives most people off rather quickly though. I've had to really focus on being the unobtrusive quiet guy, espically in meeting-new-people situations. When I want to though, that intensity combined with years of debate and a "death laser stare/gaze" (not my words!) is a great "Die. Now." option ^^;;.

[danibs]

People usually are intimidated by me...

[Blacklustre King]

I’ am told frequently that I’ am a scary person. Until someone actually gets to know me or unless they too understand what it is like to be an INT most people never see past my frightening persona.

And I would prefer it that way, fear can be a powerful motivator for the feeble minded.

[Ramiel]

To say the least. People avoid talking to me, listening to me, looking at me or even staying close to me.
I mean: when in a crowded bus, people will just stand up for the whole trip instead of sitting near to me, it means that they really don't like you for some reason (and no, my personal hygiene is not involved).

Also, various people have told me during conversation "Don't look at me like that, you scare me."

It must be due to the fact that I'm quite a big guy and that I tend to be quite silent all the time. Plus, I don't have what one would call a "Happy" face.

[Richard0612]

I wouldn't say that I normally scare people, but if I get talking/debating about a topic that I am passionate about then nothing will stop me from getting my argument heard and understood. That, coupled with the use of big words and abstract concepts scares the hell out of people! I have also been told that I have this gaze that looks right through people, analysing them from the inside, seeing past any social facade. I don't know I'm doing it, I suppose it's just the INTJ analysis engine working away!

[polyintj]

For me, it's in the eyes. I've seen vicious German Shepherds go totally berserk when I stare right into his eyes. Good thing he was caged. As a matter of fact, I dont have a mirror at home so I wont look myself in the eye. And yes, I had sooooo many people tell me no to look them in the eye. A girl once told me it makes her feel like a prey being watch by a lion. Beats me what that means.

[sarahintj]

I for sure scare people. For the most part it gets me much respect. I rarely loose my temper but when I do.... yikes. I like to save those moments for when I really wan't to make an impact.

[jjelovich]

I had a friend who used to give me a hard time because I would always have wrinkles on my forehead. Everytime he saw me he would tell me to stop thinking so seriously. Another friend of mine would always feel the need to tell me to relax when we were having a convisation; I never understood this because most of the time, at least in my mind, while talking with him I was relaxed.

[Antares]

Eek! I guess my frustration did it for me. I've always been frustrated that people see me as a softy, but now that I've really intimidated someone, I'm not sure I like that at all.

My history project was due today, and person who was responsible for the layout (I had to send my work to her so she could fit it onto the layout) told me that my images didn't work (because I sent her the url of the images... She didn't know how to work them). Of course, the project is due in a couple of hours, and I know that she wouldn't have time to work on it and I have talked to her about the project many times after I sent my work to her, and even asked her if I need to do anything else or is my responsibility checked of as completely. She responded positive. In a fit of panic and anger, I said in a low and deadly voice: "Why didn't you talk to me about it? We've literally had days to set this thing right. And you're telling this now?"

I don't know what happened, but she later told me that I scared her and I apologized for overreacting. Guess I wasn't thinking straight, but I sure did have a reason to get angry because she slacked off, and if I get a bad grade for this thing, my history grade will literally wash itself down the drain. It's a very important project ("If you fail this, you will fail this quarter", says my teacher). I actually feel quite guilty for my outburst... She's a nice girl. Just slacks off.

[spiritdetectivegirl]

I've been told I "Walk like a hard-bitch." Or intimidate others without trying.

I always thought it was because I never did talk much in groups of people, but I then found out about my personality type and it hit the nail on the head.

I think it's kind of funny and cool, I like the idea of people wanting to avoid me--in contrast to wanting to be around me.

[Sylvanus]

I think it's kind of funny and cool, I like the idea of people wanting to avoid me--in contrast to wanting to be around me.

The best benefit of being an INTJ over all the other IXXX's.

[JTG]

Yeah our aura of cold calculating aloofness actually makes people want to give us the privacy and space we so crave, haha

[TheLastMohican]

I have been told that I am an "intense person." I do not make a habit of glaring at people, and I do not think I scare them, but I might be less approachable than average.





TheLastMohican added to this post, 4 minutes and 13 seconds later...

Antares,
I do not think you overreacted. It was her fault, and she should not try to make you feel guilty; that's just a distraction from the main point, that she blew it.
So anyway, what ended up happening? Did she cost you your quarter?

[lordrrr]

I've had people say "You scare me" before.

[Homini Lupus]

I've heard 'em all. I often scare people, even if I'm not very bruisy.

My theory is that, emotively, people throws back what you throw at them.

I mean that if I'm not at ease among people, the average emphatic person tunes to your uneasyness (I think some recent theories tell we have a part of the brain wich should activate to mimic the feelings of those we have around, and that would cause sympathy), feels uneasy and, not being used to that as many of us are, they get afraid. Or maybe they just tune to the void we carry inside.

Having around a lot of different people (in a public university you have huge courses) I've met some strange reactions, like
-girl, poking a finger at my shoulder- "What are you doing?"
-me, growling-"Reading."
-girl- "Reading what?"
-me- "A book"
-girl- "About what?"
-me- "Resurrection"
-girl- "How is the book?"
-me- "I cannot tell if you don't let me read it"
-lesson begins-
-girl, poking her finger again- "Do you like reading?"
-me- "Growl"
-she lets me follow the lesson for some-
-she pokes her finger- "Do I annoy you?"
-I give her an homicide look-

She came for a pair of days then let me be.
I've also known one who feels my presence as reassuring. That's really unusual since they usualy think you're weird and try to change you or they avoid you. Or seek your help.

An alternativ to scaring them is making they think you're a stranger; does this happens to many other INTJs?

[Lynnefl]

When I was a teenager, I was told by one of my teachers that I was "intense." I've learned over the years to mellow out a bit, but I'm still very serious and analytical. The only time that you will really see the "emotion" is when I feel that I've been wronged and/or my sense of fairness and justice have been violated. I can definitely express my displeasure in a firm way. But, because a lot of people who don't know me haven't seen that side of me, they sometimes find my candor and bluntness a little off putting.

I do engage, although minimally, in small talk, gossip, make-up, blah, blah, blah talks because it does put people at ease. But, there are times when that kind of vapid talk does exhaust me. What I do to make it a little more tolerable is that I concentrate on what appeals to my INTJness in the situation.

For example, everybody and their uncle in my office was talking about Paris Hilton being sent to jail. I could care less about Paris Hilton. When I joined the conversation, I talked about the cult of celebrity. There are people who famous for nothing but being famous. I also talked about how sad it is that Hilton's parents allowed her to grow up in an atmosphere where she never dealt with consequences. In essence, I try to put a slight intellectual spin on small talk in such a way that I can tolerate it without irritating and/or alienating others.

I have been told that I am intimidating, but I think it's more because I am quiet and when I do chose to speak, I know what the heck I'm talking about. I also ask probing questions that get to the heart of an issue. A lot of people don't like that because they want to discuss (particularly when dealing with a problem) things that have nothing to do with the issue at hand or that will contribute towards solving the problem.

I guess I have to learn not to automatically go into "fix it mode."

[Aurelia]

Lately I've been improving and have developed this thing called charisma, by constantly reminding myself to keep things light, to not reveal any passionate intensity for the geeky things that interest me.

I wouldn't say that I normally scare people, but if I get talking/debating about a topic that I am passionate about then nothing will stop me from getting my argument heard and understood.

A lot of people don't like that because they want to discuss (particularly when dealing with a problem) things that have nothing to do with the issue at hand or that will contribute towards solving the problem.
I guess I have to learn not to automatically go into "fix it mode."

Some have described me as being scary but most would say that I have a strong personality. I am only 5'4" and 120 lbs so scary isn't the adjective used often. I can come across insensitive and passionate in the same ways that others have mentioned. I also have a knack for pissing people off or hurting their feelings without intending to. Difficulties in my friendships with other women arise when I want to find solutions to their problems rather than listen and be empathetic. It took me a while to figure out that many women just want to talk so they can vent out their feelings. Figuring out a solution is not the main objective of the discussion.

[meanlittlechimp]

I've definitely seen what many here have said first hand (I also find it very true of the ENTJs as well). My cousin, a very petite female INTJ, scares the hell out of many people as well (which I always found funny). I also hate small talk and am also very intense when talking about subjects that interest me (which is pretty much anything and everything).

But I think the thing that's causing it isn't just the intensity (I've seen very intense ESFPs as well talkin about a subject they're into). I think the main things causing it for you INTJs, generally however is this: Body language and humor (or lack of it). I find they tend to have a very distancing and uninviting body language. I could say the EXACT same words as an INTJ and I won't alienate or frighten the same audience because the manner in which I communicate (physically). There are non verbal cues that people subconsciously read that is causing this in my opinion. I tend to have a more warm and inviting body language than an INTJ (or ENTJ). My body language is more similar to an ENFP or ESTP.

When I write in forums, email or IM, I often get the same reaction that INTJs get in person. My theory is that since they can't see the smile on my face (while writing in a very aggressive and seemingly hostile fashion) they mis-interpret the same words that if spoken (they would chuckle at or not take offense too if they were in the same room with me).

[Uytuun]

I actually feel quite guilty for my outburst... She's a nice girl. Just slacks off.

I don't think you should...her incompetence might cause you to fail...there's nothing wrong with letting people know they've messed up when they really have in my opinion.

[meaniehaha]

No one's ever said I'm scary, but I have been told that I speak with authority.

However according to me, I'm more prone to blubbering. I guess it all depends on how comfortable I feel when speaking being as introverted as I am.

[Caucus]

I think I more intimidate people than scare them. I've been told I look angry, cold, too reserved and need to smile more. I'm usually just deep in thought.

I speak my mind and in doing so, sometimes offend people. It's not my intention but people take it as a personal attack rather than as an attempt at finding a solution to a problem.

If I'm passionate about a topic or issue then I become intense. I think that intimidates people.

I force myself to a small amount of chit-chat, complete with the gossip, feely crap because it improves work and family situations. It's not that I don't care about my family or workmates, I just have a different way of showing it.

I'm generally fairly unemotional unless people cross me, then I turn sarcastic or use cutting or ironic comments as a defense mechanism.

[VinceVanGo]

I'm always filtering what I say, depending on my audience. It's such a pain in the ass, because people initiate serious discussions but then get scared when they see that I actually have a well-thought-out opinion with examples and back-up and a power-point chart in my back pocket. LOL!!

I've also been told I have no filter between what I think and what I say. Because I always consider what people say and look to learn, I did hear this feedback and learn to curb myself more--especially around that person.

Very few people can hear me speak passionately and not bring THEIR baggage into it by feeling threatened. That's what kills me about this aspect of my personality--people are intimidated because of their issues. If I can see peoples' reactions to me and learn that I am coming across a certain way, why can't others see that their response to me has more to do with their internal issues than with my passion or knowledge on a particualr subject?

[Reganon]

I intimidate people who don't know me, I scare the ones who think they do, and for the few that actually do know me I'm perfectly harmless- just...me.

[Cyrus]

Haven't posted in ages.

I appreciate all the honest comments on e INTJ forum. Makes me realise i'm not just freakin' weird cause we INTJs are such a minority out there.

Personally, many people find me too intense and that freaks them out. But often, INTJ intensity comes from us knowing what we're talking about. Unfortunately, perception is everything in the world we live in. So we'd best learn to not come across as intimidating and too intense until we are sure the people whom we are talking to can take it.

I say this out of being at my job where I am learning a great many things, about dealing with people, so I hope my little experience as an INTJ in the "typical" social setting can benefit everyone here.

(1) There're few people we can truely be honest with. Until we find those people, we have to be very mindful over what we say. I liken this social aspect to playing poker: you should NEVER reveal all your cards from the onset, cause
(a) It leaves you at the mercy of other people since they know all your cards.
(b) It gives the impression that we're smart asses, cause "all our cards" is usually a well thought through, backtested, baptised-by-fire type of statement.
People _hate_ this. Cause when we show we've given things alot of thought, the difference highlights to them how little thought they have given to their work/lives/whatever --> "i feel stupid cause of you. i'm gonna put you down". Not good for us.

(2) Focus your attention on what the people you are communicating with and from the perspective they are coming from.
***** This is something tt has taken me a good part of 1 yr to put into words.
People will always communicate from their world view. IE: Their opinion.
Being INTJ, we often benchmark our opinion ALOT more realistically than other people. While this is what gives us the confidence to say, "you might not like e sound of it, but its true. (so deal with it dumb ass!)".
90% of people base their opinion on what they feel and/or completely within their comfort zone. If we want to communicate our point to other people, we have to cater to their point of view.

I learned this from my best friend who's an ENTJ. He's bloody good at getting his way, cause he disects people e way an INTJ would disect a problem. So over time, he's built a data base of info on people, and can quickly tell what's important to the person.
It's the same basis as bartering. Give something of low value to you that's high value to them in return for something that's more beneficial to you than it is to them. Win-win.
To do this, we must first learn to read people's expectations: What do they value? Security? Sticking to the norm? Being heard? Praise? People challenging their opinion? _WHAT DO THEY VALUE_?

Once you know what they value (and it's not difficult to tell once you really start listening), that becomes your filter and helps you to know what you can and cannot say.
In this way, you avoid stepping on unecessary toes and avoid coming across as too intimidating.
One of my close friends put things this way, you probably will have to sift through 100, 200 people before you (everyone in general) can find someone you can really click with. So in the mean time, dont worry that most people dont understand your point of view. Learn to get along with them, that's life for you... when you do find that 1 or 2 pple you click with well, it'll be all worth it.

Oh yes, btw, smile lightly and try to soften your tone.
For me, I find it easy to recognise INTJs cause all of them I know have this intense aura and have immaculate pronounciation, which makes us sound uber cold. So watch the tone =)

PS: check out People Reading by Dr Ernst Beier. I find it perfect for an INTJ to understand people. It's technical, accurate and applicable.

Hope this helps everyone here =)

[Skatt]

There are a rare few people in my life that are willing to communicate with me. My friend Jenn and one of my sisters are the only two that come to mind right now. I am called weird constantly by people. I don't typically care since it's not likely that I will ever have an enjoyable conversation with a person that can't even handle my little attempts at small talk. My 'world-view' typically gets me the scary title. I don't have much concern for the individual or even mass tragedies that happen. When other people are expressing their feelings about things I don't share anymore. If I'm asked to I will, and then they wish they hadn't asked. I support a statement with reason, I don't see a reason to stop doing this just because most people just want a statement. I want to surround myself with people that like to argue(intelligently). There is no use for people that will only take things at face value.

[VinceVanGo]

(2) Focus your attention on what the people you are communicating with and from the perspective they are coming from.

Oh yes, btw, smile lightly and try to soften your tone.
For me, I find it easy to recognise INTJs cause all of them I know have this intense aura and have immaculate pronounciation, which makes us sound uber cold. So watch the tone

Bravo! Excellent post all aournd. My fave points above. I would have said "dumb it down" but your way sounds better. LOL!!

[Ian]

As with many of the previous posts, I have been told that I scare some people - but I was totally unaware. My reaction has always been - "What? Scared of me? What's wrong with them?".

I have also been told that I write 'brutal' emails - don't see it myself, but secretly quite impressed.

[cullenisacreep]

YES!!! People often assume I'm either a pretentious smart ass or a sociopathic lesbian (due to my plain clothing, non-flirtiness and lack of displayed emotion.) It pisses me off sometimes, but usually it's just funny.

[Infidel]

I have finally found some people like me. WOW!

I was once told by a manager of a private computer school to not return to their class because I intimidated their instructor. Didn't understand it then, and I still don't, but it is nice to know that there are others like me. Maybe I'm not a "weirdo" after all.

[Eric86]

I think people might be scared to get close with me because of how nice and sweet I am.:(


I guess that's kinda different, though...

[dragonsscout]

I was told at the end high school that a large portion of the underclassmen knew who I was. This shocked me as I had only met a few of them and tended to associate with people in my grade. I was also told that apparently a lot of people were also intimidated by me. Again, this quite surprised me. I then found out that I was perceived as very intense, very smart, and sometimes a little aggressive (mostly in the classroom). I still can't believe that people I had never met knew about me though.

[DrEast]

I scare people a little bit. I'm 6' 2" and not skinny, and I move silently (a habit I intentionally developed as a kid because I thought it was cool). So I ALSO startle people quite often.

[Autoptic]

While I thought that I was pretty noisy and obvious in motion, I seem to have an unusually good sense of hearing and motion. Even small people have walked into me even after I stood within 2-3 feet of them for a few minutes. Otherwise, I'm 6'3" and about 240 lbs., I don't talk much, I look like a skinhead, and apparently my brow ridges over deep set eyes, natural widows peak, and the general appearance of my eye area make me look angry; then, I do pretty much anything that identifies me as an odd type, intj is just one of them, and people tend to avoid me and occasionally make strange assumptions in whispers they think I can't hear.

[justagirl]

The best benefit of being an INTJ over all the other IXXX's.
Have to 100% agree. I actually go on vacations by myself and love it because I don't have to talk to a single person all week... Pure bliss....

[CaptainA]

Do you scare other people?

Yes!

[Krazy P]

I scare people a little bit. I'm 6' 2" and not skinny, and I move silently (a habit I intentionally developed as a kid because I thought it was cool). So I ALSO startle people quite often.

I scare people often! 2 meters tall (6'6"). very quiet on my feet.

I know what a black man feels like. I have often had women cross the street to avoid walking past me.

THe up side is that I intimidate the hell out of most people. I have never been mugged or threatened - and have often broken up fights (in bars) just by approaching the warring parties.

My encounters with wild animals have also gone well. I have had several bear encounters - I have always been able to drive them off - I am not kidding about this.

[nat]

I was known as a kind and easy-going people. I'll help them if they need and I'm a good conversationalist. That happened in my junior hi-school.

And once, that one time, I got mad. Oh heck, how I was furious.
My closest friend just stood there and and stared at me with wide eyes and my other friend suddenly looked down on floor. I always regret the way I glared at them back then. Because after I calmed down, one of them said to me that I was too scary to look at.

In high school I can get too fired up in a debate until my friend have to remind me that it wasn't even an important debate anyway, and there's no need to be so scary. I made them feel uneasy around me :|

I - don't want to be scary, because scared is a terrible feeling, especially if it's because someone is mad. So I learned to keep bad emotions all for myself and only show the good ones to those around me. They say I'm pretty much a quiet happy camper now. And that status suits me fine.

[Deliberator]

I am in a fairly small major and I've noticed that I have developed a reputation among teachers and students. Teachers love me (a couple are scared of me), and students are noticeably avoidant (likely either intimidated or resentful). The only two girls that seem to like me still appear to be weirded out by me sometimes, but I've learned how to be 'easy-going' and 'agreeable' enough which apparently goes a long way. I still have the habit of being too intense and deep in conversation, so I've been working on picking up cues from the other person before it gets too awkward.

One of the two classmates who pursued me as a friend apparently did so in hopes of getting free tutoring. I've finally learned to artfully say no to "study sessions" when I can tell the other person is totally confused about the subject matter. Currently I'm working on getting her to leave me alone entirely by being really uninhibited and self-absorbed. It's kinda fun.

[Stormy]

I tend to become extremely intense during debates and any sort of competition. This probably stems from my years of playing ice hockey, and while most guys, especially my boyfriend, are fine with this, I have few friends that are girls since I can seem intimiating. This is especially true for my roommate, who I rarely talk to.

[meowijan]

Thank you for asking this question! I have felt that I put people off for ages by getting into too much detail and completely missing the point of small talk. But I've worked on that and actually have some degree of skill at small talk now (as an Australian, and one that lives in a small country town, it's somewhat of a necessity for survival!).
Anyway, when it comes to girls I'm still not that brilliant, but I've found that my interest in music helps me out a lot. i find its a good 'filter', that will immediately tell me if they'll be worth persuing (read: 'if i could get along with them') AND it gives us something to talk about which is broad enough that they don't feel intimidated and specific enough for me to feel comfortable talking about.
As for other kinds of friendships, I'm still kind of a bit funny on those. I tend to not say much, if anything, the first time i meet someone, then if they keep popping up in my daily life i'll gradually start talking to them more and more until theyre good friends that i can hang around with no problem at all. This is very much hit and miss though, and relies heavily on the kind of person they are, and when it goes awry, makes for some very awkward social encounters!


Something else that I've just remembered about how other people see me. If people are familiar with me (that doesn't mean that know me per se, just that I've been in their company often enough), they somehow manage to get the impression that I can fix their computer. I don't know what it is, I mean, I'm pretty good with computers, but nothing amazing, I've never pulled one apart or anything and don't really know much about how programs work outside of writing basic programs to do tedious calculations, but one way or another people get it into their heads that I can fix what ever problem they have.
Does this happen to anyone else??

[konacoffee1]

I scare the shit out of everyone. I don't know what it is. I wonder if I walk around with an angry look on my face, or what people interpret as an angry look, when the truth is I'm just deep in thought. I've also noticed that no one will sit by me on the bus or in class unless they absolutely have to, no one will attempt to engage me in any conversation (classmates/professors), and people seem fearful of me. Even the "scary" homeless people on the street will leave me alone. Now, I'm not a physically intimidating person, barely reaching 5'1". So, I'm thinking my INTJness must send out some kind of force field which makes mere mortals shiver as I pass.

[VinceVanGo]

I scare the shit out of everyone. I don't know what it is. I wonder if I walk around with an angry look on my face, or what people interpret as an angry look, when the truth is I'm just deep in thought. I've also noticed that no one will sit by me on the bus or in class unless they absolutely have to, no one will attempt to engage me in any conversation (classmates/professors), and people seem fearful of me. Even the "scary" homeless people on the street will leave me alone. Now, I'm not a physically intimidating person, barely reaching 5'1". So, I'm thinking my INTJness must send out some kind of force field which makes mere mortals shiver as I pass.

Hahaha. This is funny, because I just commented on this in another post. I also tend not to walk around smiling all the time, and I'm not sure how people read my face. I don't find smiling to be a natural resting state for my facial muscles, and it's kind of scary to see someone walking around grinning as if the voices in their head are telling a funny joke. I have the same problem with people being intimidated. I'm from New York and walk about 90 miles per hour, so I think that scares them too because they have to get out of my way.

[ScurvyRose]

I was looking at a bf once with what I thought was a coy, come over here look. Turns out he thought I was ticked off at him from the same look! I don't get it!

[Autoptic]

I've strangely had the opposite problem. I've accidentally locked eyes with a few girls which I expected would weird them out, and they didn't indeed seem disturbed then they pop up and smile at me or start small talk out of the blue. I thought it was the same look I give anyone when focused, the "stare" people here have mentioned which does spook most of them.

[volk]

People get scared when I ask complex questions.

[cyan2012]

[QUOTE=konacoffee1;203132] Now, I'm not a physically intimidating person, barely reaching 5'1". So, I'm thinking my INTJness must send out some kind of force field which makes mere mortals shiver as I pass.QUOTE]

OMG, so funny! I'm 5'1" also and I have the same problem. Once when I was lecturing my son (who is 5'9"...so far), he just broke out with, "How do you make yourself look so tall when you're angry?", right in the middle of my speech. LOL

And on another occasion, my (now ex)bf were walking through the mall and a salesman was walking up to approach us and deliver his schpeel and as soon as his eyes fell on my face his smile slid off his face and he blurted out, "Aw man, I'm sorry." and turned and walked away. My exbf started cracking up and said, "Your force field strikes again!"

To this day I'm so curious to be on the outside looking in so I can see what it is I'm doing exactly that is so scary. Muahahaha

[enfpchick]

hahahaha The only way i scare people is by my extreme friendliness!!:p

[Vastfnup]

I have been told I am intimidating as well. Aside from what happens when I open my mouth, a lot of it is probably body language. It may be a lack of body language reaction that we give that throws people off. When confronted we tend to think instead of react. This pause must be disconcerting when a large portion of the population does *something* (aggressive/submissive signals, etc...)

People (and bears) tend to fear what they don't understand.

To rectify this, I have been trying to smile more. A smile underneath a steely glare is much less intimidating than a steely glare alone.

I still suck at small talk. There is nothing in the world that can make me care about reality TV. I don't care how hot she is:P

[graciela224]

When I disagree with someone, I tell them the way I see things. Sometimes I can come across as incoherent if my ideas are too abstract. However, there is another part of me that can easily mirror another person's personality, which is great because people then feel more relaxed around me.

[reb]

i have termed it 'the spotlight'. when i focus 'the spotlight' on someone, they tend to leave me alone. have done this with large aggressive dogs; never got bit, never had to shoot one....i dunno how else to explain it...it's a concentration or focus thing...reb

[Solaris]

I scare people when I am feeling things and don't know what to do with those feelings. According to a friend of mine, some people can actually just sit there and feel them, without an accompanying action. Other friends just look at me as though I might fire a bullet at them, even though I have no gun in my hand.

[Onotheo]

It's the other way around for me. I believe it's mainly of my appearance of being short and thin and a personality that seems to be non-belligerent. I would then surprise people that I actually would stand up for myself. I couldn't even tolerate it when others who seemingly are unable to defend themselves are being unjustly intimidated by others. I would try to defend them as well if it's reasonable to do so.

[Plum21]

this is one of the things I LOVE about INTJ's!!!!!!!!! this and them not caring what other people think. and so many other things.

[ame]

THe up side is that I intimidate the hell out of most people. - and have often broken up fights (in bars) just by approaching the warring parties.
.
funny

scare people? only if they have something to hide. I've a knack of spotting things people would rather i didn't.
causes me aggro actually.

[Nikita]

In high school, a guy told me that everyone was afraid of me. I was very outspoken, would eviscerate anything anyone said in class (topically, not superficially), was a self-proclaimed Atheist (a conclusion I arrived at in elementary school with absolutely NO encouragement, but apparently it was weird and scandalous to my high school "peers"), I was known to pick locks (way less rebellious than it sounds), and once split my brother's friend's eye open (he threw rocks at me and I fought back with the frozen DrPepper in my hand - he stupidly told everyone and he looked like a wimp as a result...but it's probably why no one EVER messed with me). I've always stood up to bullies whether the bullying was aimed at myself or someone else. Teachers loved me and I always ace interviews, but I'm horrible at interpersonal communication and tend to be off-putting. A girl in college told me that she couldn't be around me for more than 10 minutes at a time. I've been told by other people that I scare them, but that they feel protected when with me. A friend delayed telling me about her husband cheating on her and their impending divorce because she was afraid of what I would do (she didn't specify whether it was what I would do to him or something else).

I was taught all throughout childhood to "never start a fight, but if someone starts one with you - finish it." I live by that.

[cullenisacreep]

Yes. Once in middle school during a math class I started debating with this guy about some political issue, and got into a huge argument. Consequently, he started a rumor saying that I used to be a guy, which some dimwits actually believed. He avoided me at lunch and gave me the last pudding once, before walking away and turning around to make sure that I wasn't chasing him with a hatchet.

[sadomasocircuit]

Do I scare people? Despite being only 4'11.5", yes, I scare people. Once, when I was in my art class talking about the existence of feral children and how some come to be, a girl who sat near me looked at me funny and asked, "How do you know that? Stop scaring me." Also, when I was telling my friend to do her work and ignore people calling her Penny, someone passing by said, "What the hell? No wonder people are scared of you."

I guess I have the reputation of being angry, hateful, spiteful, and unemotional around here >-<;; And so, many people conclude that I am scary, mean, and a bad person to be around.

[gadjitfreek]

I am not capable of intimidating even small insects. I handle situations with humor, because I know I would get my ass handed to me otherwise. My humor can scare people, though...and my oddball perspective has frightened people off.

[Nikita]

I am not capable of intimidating even small insects.

You don't need to intimidate small insects, you need only to relish the *crunch*.

[zibun]

People aren't afraid of me enough.

*sigh*

My beauty disarms them. :laugh:

[Nikita]

Consequently, he started a rumor saying that I used to be a guy, which some dimwits actually believed.

I think I would have started a retaliatory rumor that that was the only reason he hit on me, but that I turned him down because I don't swing that way (or something more crude).





NikitaNT added to this post, 1 minutes and 19 seconds later...

People aren't afraid of me enough.

*sigh*

My beauty disarms them. :laugh:

lol the ultimate weapon...it turns men into kittens and lands women on their backs

[zibun]

lol the ultimate weapon...it turns men into kittens and lands women on their backs

>:D

You speak wisely, Nikita.

[Talon]

and cannot figure why. I guess it is because I am intense...or maybe my sense of humor is different...or maybe my idea of chitchat is different....or ?

It happens all the time and probably always will. After trying to figure it out for years and trying to be 'less' intense or whatever...now I am so what. I am reminded constantly of being different that is weird when someone does actually 'get me'.

I think being yourself scares 'people'.

Great thread.

Talon

[Sinequanon]

I probably do end up intimidating people if they catch me in an intense moment. I tend to be quite all-or-nothing on those sorts of things. I have a habit when I'm trying to be extraverted of coming on too strong, I suppose. So I tend to lay back more. I guess the real danger with me is my slipping in a biting comment or criticism unexpectedly. It makes people feel like they're being watched or judged all the time.

This, of course, isn't the case. It's more likely that I was distracted by something stupid someone said and had to bonk them on the head so I could get back to my thoughts than that I would care what they're saying all the time. :)

[enWTFp]

I seem to have a haunting effect on people sometimes, they easily become obsessed with me, and I have to flee. But that's a long-term issue, and rather rare phenomenon.

Upon meeting I actually am more capable of calming down scared people. No matter how afraid at the moment myself, around other people I'm the very definition of placidity.

[fearlessphoenix]

I frequently frighten and intimidate people. My mom is concerned that I will end up dead and alone as old maid if I don't "soften" some. I told her I would rather die alone than play stupid. sigh . . .

[cullenisacreep]

I frequently frighten and intimidate people. My mom is concerned that I will end up dead and alone as old maid if I don't "soften" some. I told her I would rather die alone than play stupid. sigh . . .

Don't "soften." Dimwitted oafs are too prevalent today, so stick with me and don't play dumb! I must say, don't listen to your mother!!!

[brainfreeze]

I tend to intimidate and scare others every once in a while. I find it very amusing to say or do random things at work where conformity is enforced (i am in the army) to gauge the natural reactions of others. others tend to think I am a jokester for it, not understanding my true intentions. Whenever I get truely irritated though, people, regardless of rank, tend to give me a very wide berth.

[MrJibbles]

yes, Actually i do.
Because people think I'm an evil mastermind. It's because I read a bunch of books on how to interpret body language and other social shit. Not to mention I know how to manipulate people....not that I do [well not all the time anyway].